Future Twit

Sh*t fat guys say

2012-02-23T19:02:00.000-08:00

Ever wondered what kinds of things that fat guys say in life? Well, wonder no more! This next video is full of different things that fat guys say.

Sht Teachers Want To Say; Sht High Schoolers Don't Say

2012-02-23T16:04:00.001-08:00

I think that the title explains the content of these next two Youtube videos pretty well.

Sh*t Teachers Want to Say:

Sh*t High Schoolers Don't Say:

Virgin Forever: Darwin at Work!

2012-02-23T00:39:00.000-08:00

I found this post on Reddit with the label of "Virgin Forever". Poor guy. Hopefully he grows out of his awkward stage and becomes a handsome lad.

Unfortunately, I do not hold out much hope for him. :(

Shirtless Pose: Virgin Forever!

Facebook Status Update: Grandma Puts Things in Perspective

2012-02-22T06:09:00.001-08:00

I found this cool status update from a person's Facebook page that I think puts things in perspective. In it, the person writes: "I. HATE. WAKING. UP." Then, the person's grandma replies: "me too ... but it's better than dying in your sleep ... have a good day ... love you."

More sage words were never imparted since the beginning of Facebook!

Waking up: It beats dying in your sleep!

Meme: The Logic of Porn ?!

2012-02-22T04:24:00.002-08:00

If only life were like the movies! At least, that's what I think every time I watch a porno movie ... er, I mean, I watch a Disney movie ... while condemning porn! That's what I meant to say.

Yeah ....

Anyway, enjoy this short cartoon about the wonky logic (?!) that goes into porno movies.

The Logic of Porn

"Baby, I just let a really stinky fart."

"Whelp, time for sex."

Oh, and for those of you expecting to see skin ... this is about as close as you'll get ...

Get Well Card to Teacher: Just Go Poop

2012-02-21T18:24:00.000-08:00

I found this cool card on Reddit earlier today. It's about a small kid that gives his teacher a card with some very sage advice: when you don't feel well in life, just go take a poop!

Truer words were never spoken, little man!

Teacher: Feel Better -- Take a Poop!

John Safran Atheist door knocking skit

2012-02-21T16:28:00.000-08:00

If you've ever followed the comedy of John Safran, then you know that he's an atheist comedian extraordinaire. However, nothing gets his blood boiling -- and releases his comedic genius -- like a couple of Mormon missionaries waking him up on a Saturday afternoon.

His revenge? He decides to travel to Salt Lake City, Utah and give the Mormons a taste of their own medicine: by knocking on their doors and teaching them about the truth of Charles Darwin and atheism!

I think that my favorite part of the clip is when the guy says, "I'm a Mormon bishop." Like that's supposed to mean something to John Safran and crew.

But, Mormons aren't all bad. Here are a few sexy Mormon missionary girls for your enjoyment.

Mormon Muffin Girl: I want what she's baking.

Mormon Muffin Girl Collage

Twilight Versus Tangled: The Proper Reaction to a Creepy Guy

2012-02-21T14:40:00.000-08:00

I found this meme not too long ago that contrasts the ways in which the heroines of the Twilight and Tangled movies react to the creepy situations where they encounter strange men in their houses. In the first case, Bella get all hot and bothered for Edward. In the second case, Rapunzel knocks Flynn Rider flat with a frying pan. You tell me which reaction seems more likely in real life.

Twilight vs. Tangled: The proper reaction

Sh*t Gamers Say To Their Girlfriends

2012-02-21T13:36:00.000-08:00

I found this video on Youtube not too long ago, and it was so awesome that I just had to share it. It's a compilation of the types of sh*t that gamers will often say to their girlfriends.

I think that my favorite out of them is: "I'll be there in a minute. Just start by yourself." Many a hardcore gamer has passed on the joys of sex to finish a quest or beat a difficult level.

Of course, that's assuming that one can resist the charms of Rosanna Pansino -- the prettiest of the girls in the video. Here are a few pictures of Rosanna Pansino for you to enjoy.

No Rosanna Pansino, I want to be loud with you! ;)

Looking Good Rosanna!

So, what are your thoughts on the video? Do you have any horror stories about dating a gamer? Leave your comments below.

Marilyn Monroe: SEXY ASS WOMAN!!!

2012-02-21T00:40:00.001-08:00

Back in the days before models started to look like pre-pubescent boys, television and pop culture had girls that would actually look sexy naked ... or in a bikini ... or with clothes. Foremost among these was the she-diva Marilyn Monroe. Even with her thighs touching (which would mean she was ready for the fat farm these days), she was still a very, very nice piece of ... candy. ;)

Marylin Monroe: Nice piece of ... candy!

If you don't think that pic is sexy, then, to paraphrase one of my favorite Youtube personalities, Moppix, you like it up the butt.

P.S. If you're a girl and that last statement applies ... call me.

P.P.S. Just kidding girls.

P.P.P.S. But not really. Send me a message on Twitter.

Red Head Versus Ginger Meme: Know The Difference!!!

2012-02-20T21:32:00.000-08:00

Ever wondered what the difference is between a red head and a ginger? Well ... basically the one is hot and the other is not, as the following meme illustrates.

So, always know the difference between things like red heads and gingers, and you will find better dates!

Red Head vs. Ginger: Know The Difference

Jesus Versus Jerry: What a Difference 2000 Years Makes!!!

2012-02-20T17:45:00.000-08:00

I have often heard it said that the difference between a religion and a delusion is several hundreds or thousands of years of history. After looking at this next meme of Jesus Christ versus Jerry the insane asylum patient, I wonder if this is indeed true.

So, what would have happened if Jerry would have been born in 12 AD. Would we now be worshiping "Jerry Christ", or was there something special about Jesus? Is Jesus the only way to salvation, or was the true Jesus born on another planet 6 billion light years away?

Leave your thoughts below.

Add caption

Working Out at The Gym Meme: How We Really Look

2012-02-20T17:30:00.000-08:00

Here is a meme in the style of the others I've been posting lately about working out at the gym and how you think you look versus how you look in reality. The picture captions are: "Me and my friends getting out of the gym after a hard workout", "This is how we think we look like ...", "This is how we actually look like", and "Close enough". Yeah, I say that it's probably close enough in life too. Even if you don't look like the second picture, it's still better than looking like Chris Farley.

Pilots Meme: What I Really Do

2012-02-20T09:14:00.000-08:00

Here is yet another meme I found, this time about pilots and what they really do. The six picture captions are: "What my friends think I do", "What the public thinks I do", "What my family thinks I do", "What my boss thinks I do", "What my dates think I do", and "What I really do". I've always been a fan of the Leonardo DiCaprio model of piloting myself.

Pilot Meme: What I Really Do

College Student Meme: What I Really Do

2012-02-20T00:21:00.000-08:00

I found yet another meme. This one is about college students. The six picture captions are: "What my friends think I do", "What my parents think I do", "What society thinks I do", "What my professors think I do", "What I think I do", and "What I really do". I too think that I did a lot more sleeping than making out while I was in college.

Flowchart of How To Flirt with A Guy

2012-02-19T21:59:00.000-08:00

Have you ever wondered how it is that girls flirt with a guy? Well, this handy flow chart lets you in on the mystery that has eluded men for centuries.

I just like the fact that all roads lead independently to "Avoid Eye Contact". I have noticed over the years that girls avoid looking at me, which apparently tells me NOTHING!!!!

Flowchart: How girls flirt

Police Wives: What We Really Do

2012-02-19T21:39:00.000-08:00

I found another cool meme, this time about police wives and what they really do. The categories are: "What my mother thinks I do", "What my kids think I do", "What my husband thinks I do", "What I think I do", "What I really do", and "What I pray every night I never have to do". It's a cool meme.

Zumba Meme: How We Really Look

2012-02-19T17:40:00.000-08:00

Here is a short meme from the world of men who do Zumba: "How We Really Look". The categories are: "How we feel", "How we really look", and "But it sure beats looking like this!". I have to agree with the message of this meme, which is why I work out regularly.

Zumba Meme

Barney Stinson Meme: How I really am

2012-02-19T10:04:00.000-08:00

Here is the latest meme about Barney Stinson from the television show "How I Met Your Mother". In this meme, Barney is displaying his usual awesomeness. The six captions are:"How my friends see me", "How my family sees me", "How society sees me", "How my camera sees me", "How I see me", "How I really am". Awesomeness.

ADHD Kids Meme: What We Actually Do

2012-02-19T09:51:00.000-08:00

I found yet another meme from my Facebook wall, this time about kids who have ADHD or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. The categories are: "What teachers think we do", "What society th ...",

What was I working on again?

ADHD Meme: What we really do

Business Student Meme: What I really do

2012-02-19T00:07:00.000-08:00

Yet another meme: business students. The categories are: "What my friends think I do", "What my family thinks I do", "What I am supposed to do", "What my boss thinks I do", "What I think I do", and "What I really do". Yes, business students, you will be unemployed after you graduate. :p

Business Students: What I really do

Epidemiologists Meme: What I Really Do

2012-02-18T16:23:00.000-08:00

Here is a meme about Epidemiologists: "What I really do". The categories are: "What my friends think I do", "What my parents think I do", "What society thinks I do", "What my grandma thinks I do", "What I think I do", and "What I really do". Any meme involving Sheldon from Big Bang Theory is a win in my book.

Finance Student Meme: What I Really Do

2012-02-18T09:44:00.000-08:00

I found yet another meme, this one about finance students. The categories are: "What my mom thinks I do", "What my friends think I do", "What society thinks I do", "What investors think I do", "What I think I do", and "What I really do". Hey, 1+1 does equal 3, so what is their problem?

Philosophers: What I Actually Do

2012-02-18T03:45:00.000-08:00

Here is yet another meme: Philosophers -- What I actually do. "What my mom thinks I do", "What my friends think I do", "What society thinks I do", "What scumbag physicists and engineers think I do", "What I think I do", and "What I really do". My favorite is the philosopher on the toilet.

Stuck in the Cube

2012-02-18T03:07:00.000-08:00

Stuck in the Cube

Posted by Gaylord Campbell

It wasn't too long ago that I was stuck in a cubicle all day long, wishing for the day when I would finally be out on my own. Here I am now living my dream and I have to say that I couldn't be happier! That doesn't mean that the 18 hour days aren't grueling but at the end of the day when I lay my head down on my pillow I'm exhausted in the best possible way. I feel like I'm using every part of my mind and everything from purchasing services from www.t1internet.net to deciding who to hire part-time to picking out business cards is my decision and that feels really good. I've got years of experience and education that make me fully competent and confident in my abilities and it's really exciting getting to exercise all that. Hopefully in the next few years my business will be sustainable enough that I won't have to put anything on credit cards… That will be the day!

Future Twit

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