GNN

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes

Joanne Huspek — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 15:01:37 +0000

I love food. For me, eating is more than filling an empty space in my torso; it’s a transcendental event. A well-prepared and interesting dish can be a sensuous gastronomical experience. If accompanied by a mellow and buttery wine and topped with a decadent dessert, the effect can be orgasmic. The only thing that can [...]

GNN: Non-News Editor Returns (Somewhat) Unscathed By Weeks of Hard Labor

Joanne Huspek — Thu, 29 May 2008 19:08:41 +0000

Dateline: Royal Oak, Michigan This non-correspondent wishes to report that she is back in the editorial saddle, after completing three weeks of hard, manual labor. Tasks completed include planting a vegetable bed, re-filling a half dozen color bowls with new flowers and foliage, weeding, grass cutting and slinging rocks from one side of the yard to the [...]

GNN: Wikipedia not 100 percent reliable

Dent, Stuart Dent — Tue, 06 May 2008 16:04:10 +0000

Dateline Internet: Times are changing. One could say they’re a changin’ but that would be old fashioned and this is the 21st century. It’s later than it’s ever been before. In the olden days of yore, people used to look things up in proofread edited books. Nowadays, they look things up on the net. At least [...]

GNN: Unidentifiable Blurry Stick Hand Thingy Returns

The Stickman — Fri, 02 May 2008 06:16:07 +0000

Dateline: First of May Mayday! May Day! A month passed and the blurry many named one posted not a single post and then boom! Within a single 24 hour period, he’s written two things. How did that happen? Reporters are still investigating. The kitchen still needs work so there may be some delays in full reportage. See. This [...]

GNN: Spring Brings Slowdown of Internet Traffic

Joanne Huspek — Thu, 01 May 2008 01:14:17 +0000

Dateline: Internet It appears that a recent global warming trend which is resultant of the hemisphere being treated to spring has been directly related to a slowdown of Internet traffic. This is been especially noted here by the editors of Gnus Non-News. According to data provided by www.statcounter.com, a dearth of visitors to the non-news site has [...]

GNN: Non-News Update from the Upper Midwest

Joanne Huspek — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 15:30:55 +0000

Dateline: Royal Oak, Michigan Weather: Sunny, blue skies, no clouds. Light wind. Perfect for raking up the crap in the garden. Hey, how did that McDonald’s cup end up in my pond? I don’t even go to McDonald’s! Time: 11:11 a.m. EDT. I’m goofing off, waiting for my other half to go over the payroll before I [...]

GNN: Woman Felled By Marauding Virus

Joanne Huspek — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 20:42:53 +0000

Dateline: Royal Oak, Michigan, USA This non-correspondent and Editor in Chief is first on the scene with breaking news… As the snow melts (finally) and the skies sparkle with a glorious blue, and all things little and green are poking their tender heads out of the ground. Well, you would think, all must be perfect in the world. No. This [...]

GNN: Sports Team Wins!

Eidetic Tabla — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 13:39:32 +0000

Dateline: Abstraction One sports team played against another sports team. One of the teams won. The other lost. The fans claimed to care. Fans of the winning team got drunk, shouted a bunch and did some minor vandalism whereas fans of the losing team got drunk, shouted a bunch and did some minor vandalism. The coach of [...]

GNN: Amateur Website Disorganized

The Stickman — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 22:09:24 +0000

Dateline: Here The editorial staff here at Gnus Non-News has observed that their site is poorly organized. This reporter made up the following conversation: Bongo said, “It’s set up like a blog instead of a real newspaper.” JLH said, “We ought to organize it into sections by topic - you know, like a travel section and so on.” Bongo [...]

GNN: Man Oblivious, Woman Aware

Eidetic Tabla — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 19:35:20 +0000

Dateline: A Parade A man took his children to a parade. He and his children joined the parade and followed along the path of the parade watching both the other people in the parade and the people watching and being confused by said parade. On arriving at the parade’s stopping point, the children and supposedly sensible [...]