gabby surrenders

Sex for your ears

2006-04-04T13:14:00.000-07:00

Ok, I have a serious girl-crush going for Violet Blue of tinynibbles.com: open source sex. Not only is she a sex goddess, she's also smart, sexy, hot, clever, a great writer, hot (did I say that?), and an awesome podcaster. I seriously recommend you check our her website and her podcast. I've been listening to her for awhile now and I'm dying to go and buy some of her written work.

honey dust, vibrators, whips and a little porn

2006-04-03T15:05:00.000-07:00

About a year ago I started going through all these changes...a lot of which had to do with my evolving relationship with my husband. Much has changed and much hasn't. What hasn't changed is how much I love my partner and how devoted I am to the happiness and success of my family. And while our passion for eachother has only grown, there have been periods where our energy and desire to explore has waned. Thankfully, we have come out the other end of a busy life time and are going back into a fuck like rabbits phase.

I can't tell you how badly I've needed his attention and commanding hands on me. Finally, when I didn't think I could stand it any longer, we were given 2 blissful nights alone that seemed to rebalance our relationship properly. There is nothing that a little honey dust, a big pink vibrator, some rope, a rubber whip, a little porn, and a pair of torturous nipple clamps won't fix. Nuttin' honey.

The libby in me...

2006-03-23T08:18:00.000-08:00

Check out her LiveJournal.

Tired of Waiting

2006-03-13T08:41:00.000-08:00

He's tired of waiting. Tired of being patient and allowing me to work out this funk I seem to be in. He gave me my chance and is now going to take matters into his own hands. The mere thought, the phrase, gives me shivers. Maybe that's what I needed all along. Him. The answer is always so simple, but I have a tendency to over complicate it. But D always clears the fog for me. Always.

She is Me

2006-03-08T16:28:00.000-08:00

She

She walked out with empty arms
Machine gun in her hand
She is good and she is bad
No one understands

She walked in in silence
Never spoke a word
She's got a rich daddy
She's her daddy's girl

She loves naked sin
He loves evil sex
She has lost control
They are growing old

She will hide in silence
Then her day will come
She was virgin vixen
She is on the run
She is on the run
She is on the run
-The Misfits

Tomorrow I celebrate 1 year of sobriety. I can finally breath. I'm finally alive. I have have my soul back. If I can stay sober for one day, one month, one year, maybe I can do anything. Maybe you can, too. ;-)

The truth

2006-01-30T10:18:00.000-08:00

Here I am again, begging for forgiveness. I am sorry that I haven't posted much, but I think that I might be doing battle with a little low-grade depression. I'm sure it will pass soon, but it makes it hard to organized my thoughts and blog them. I do have some good post 1/2 done that I promise to finish once my fog clears a little. :-)

Thanks.

Where in the world is Gabby Hey?

2006-01-17T14:36:00.000-08:00

You're a blogger and I'm a flogger! -My Beloved D

I know, I know, I'm boring and neglectful. So spank me! ;-) Honestly, there's been so much going on around here that I just haven't had time to share. I have plenty to share on my 'nilla blog, but it would just put you to sleep here (I'm sure you'd rather not hear about my new love affair with my iPod, how tired I am of flakey cub scouting parents, and how excited I am about Al Gore's new venture, Current.TV). Thankfully, I'm still madly in love with my husband (although there's been a disturbing lack of raunchy sex in our household), I'm still sober (say what you want about AA, if I'm working towards 11 mos without a drink, it's a fucking miracle), and my children are still freakishly smart and insanely energetic.

I'll catch up witcha when I have a little down time...I really do have a couple of juicey stories to impart. For instance, why do you think my husband insisted on a bench seat in his new truck? Hmmmm.....

Meme: better late than never...

2006-01-10T14:45:00.000-08:00

I've been tagged by erica:

"Here are the rules: The first player of this game starts with the topic and people who get tagged need to write an entry about their five weird habits as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next five people to be tagged and link to their web journals. Don't forget to leave a comment in their blog or journal that says 'You are tagged!' (assuming they take comments) and tell them to read yours. The following may not be weird to you but they are to somebody."

Hmmm. Me, weird? I don't think so. ;-)

1. I love Hello Kitty. I know. Some feminist I am, huh? Sexually submissive, Hello Kitty! What's next, collecting Barbies? Uh, I do that, too. Just the nice collectible ones...not like McDonald's cashier Barbie or anything.

2. I have happy feet. My toes are always moving. My kids have the same affliction. It drives D crazy.

3. I read several books at the same time. I usually have a novel, a recovery/spiritual book, a design or craft book and a work-related book going concurrently.

4. Somehow I've turned into a goody two shoes: I don't drink, don't smoke, and don't eat meat. ("Don't drink, don't smoke what do you do?")

5. I hate scary movies. I won't watch them. Go figure.

I pick Lady C, ez, mija, Hardy, and Temptation.

What (I think) I know for sure.

2005-12-20T11:00:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling superficially introspective today. This whole blogging-about-my-sex-life thing has been quite a journey. Actually, I guess it's been an interesting part of my journey, which has been much bigger than an online journal kept under a false name (now don't be disappointed, my name isn't really Gabby Hey).

Although my mantra is balance, balance, balance, almost everything that I do screams overdo and overwhelm (it's the addict in me, I'm sure). One minute I strongly believe "A" is the right way to do something, and then I realize that "B" may be a good option too. I think the longer I'm sober and the farther along the path of recovery I am, I realize that my hard and fast rules no longer exist. Honesty and integrity have started to take the place of self righteousness and ego.

Basically, what I know for sure is that nothing is set in stone. That love can seem dead and grow again from almost nothing. That love knows no boundaries and can be found in unusual and unexpected places. That the most joy and reward often comes from the most difficult journey and hardship. That there are miracles and signs everywhere if we choose to open our eyes and see them and open our ears and hear them. That every day I share with the people I love is a gift to be appreciated and cherised.

Merry Christmas, Season's Greetings and Happy Holidays!

Blogging in cognito

2005-12-15T21:15:00.000-08:00

In my real life I read a lot of straight blogs on topics ranging from general business, marketing, web technologies, design to other boring crap that most people could care less about. I did come across an interesting post on Jason Kottke's blog about blogging anonymously and why we do it. Actually, the post is more about Secret Sites. Regardless, the post and related comments started me thinking about the whole anonymous, yet intimate, culture of blogging. And the almost predictable lifecycle of a blogger. It's all very interesting, don't you think?

Tra La La La La La La La La La

2005-12-12T08:58:00.000-08:00

Dear friends,

No, I've not gone away...I just have a nasty cold. That, paired with Christmas duties and all my other responsibilities, has me running around like a maniac trying to keep things in order and stay sane (and sober!). I hope everyone is having a joyous and peaceful season, savoring all those wonderful moments that make this time of year special (my chest is swelled with pride when I see my children belting out their lovely songs on stage and smiling with glee - yes, glee is still a word).

Peace.

Reconnecting

2005-11-22T13:35:00.000-08:00

Sometimes what you think you want least is what you need most. His hands. His voice. Demanding me now. Sorry, no. No time. Too busy. Not in the mood. Yes, now. Now. Take your clothes off and lay on the bed.

Sometimes I just need him. I know he watches me like a hawk. Sadly, he watched his wife spiral down into a pit for over 2 years and doesn't want me falling back in. I won't. I know that, but he doesn't. So, he watches. Ready to give me that hand or strong shoulder when I need it. He seems to know now before I do when I'm floundering or overwhelmed. His demand this morning was less of wanting to dominate or fuck me, and more of helping to recenter and reconnect with me.

His hands on my breasts, pinching the nipples, sucking on the pink titanium barbells that mark his ownership of me and my love for him. His hand on the back of my neck (my god, I get chills just thinking about it), guiding and caressing. His other hand firmly on my ass, pulling my wetness up to meet his gloriously hard cock. Slow and determined. Loving and commanding.

And, finally, explosion. For a moment we are the same entity. We share everything. It's all there: the life, the pain, the joy, the years all flow into this one moment.

It's hard to seperate and go about the normalcy of the day after sharing such an intense exchange, but we do. Somehow, I'm better now. Reconnected.

Meme from Lady C.

2005-11-09T12:46:00.000-08:00

1. Were you named after anyone?
My grandpa

2. When did you last cry?
the other night while watching "Intervention" on A&E

3. What is your favorite lunch meat?
Does tunafish count? I only eat seafood

4. What is your most embarrassing CD?
Don't think I have one

5. Where is your second home?
Lake Powell

6. Do you trust others too easily?
Nope

7. What was your favorite toy as a child?
Rock collector kit

8. Would you bungee jump?
Not a chance in hell

9. Do you think that you are strong?
Yes

10. What are your favorite colors?
pale pink and celery green

11. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?
way too emotional

12. Who do you miss most?
my grandpa who died almost 2 years ago and my best friend who moved to the other side of the country last year.

13. What was the last thing you ate?
shrimp louie salad

14. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
raspberry red

15. What is the weather like right now?
clear, bright blue sky, but cold.

16. Last person you talked to on the phone?
my husband

17. Do you wear contacts?
Not anymore

18. Last Movie You Watched?
Surviving Christmas

19. Favorite Day of the Year?
I love Christmas

20. Where Would You Want to Go on your Next Vacation?
Disney Cruise

21. Favorite Smells?
hazelnut, vanilla, my husband's cologne, a good cigar, fresh rain

22. What’s the furthest you’ve been away from home?
Not sure...Toronto, maybe?

Something's broken

2005-11-07T11:14:00.000-08:00

I have so many random unconnected thoughts pinging around in my head lately, I've had a hard time stringing them together into coherent ideas. I feel as if I might be going through some sort of transformation. Of what kind, I'm not sure. I have this vague, but persisent feeling that I'm struggling with something, but I haven't come face to face with it yet. It's almost like a mild, fuzzy hangover...which, of course, it can't be since I'm coming up on 8 months of sobriety this week. It's an "I want more" feeling drumming in my mind, but not an unsatisfied or unhappy feeling. Actually, I'm feeling very happy and content in my little world right now, so it's hard to put my finger on.

Very strange. I was even contemplating giving up on my blog, because this restlessness has been preventing me from focusing on any single topic or idea for longer than a nanosecond. But I don't think that's the answer. And when I'm honest with myself and write what I'm really feeling, I find it incredibly therapeutic. Maybe that's what it is. I think I've been stunted lately. I think I've been allowing my virtual community to dictate a standard of behavior and list of rules to me that have prevented me from speaking with my true voice. The irony of it is that no one has done such a thing at all...I think it's been me all along. Hasn't it?

Well, anyway, whatever it is, I'm going to figure it out and fix it.

Sex Food for Thought

2005-11-01T15:36:00.000-08:00

So my Darling D has a new theory about his silly wife. He thinks that if I weren't such a blatant, unequivolcal monogamist that, if given the opportunity, I would have sex with a woman. It's an interesting thought, really. I, like a lot of women, have had my share of "girl crushes," but they've always been based more on an intellectual or creative basis, than sexual. Until recently, the whole girl-on-girl thing wasn't a big turn on for me, anyway. Until recently.

Hmmmm....interesting observation on his part, anyway.

Happy Halloween!

2005-10-31T08:36:00.000-08:00

Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air...Ralph Waldo Emerson

I love halloween. I always have. I used to love to dress up every year. I think I've passed that playfulness on to my children. Our area has a lot going on during this time of year so we've already been to a playplace party, party and "trunk or treat." My little Dorothy (how does a 2 year old become obsessed with the Wizard of Oz?) was a little intimidated and preferred the safety of grandma and grandpa, but my Harry Potter is of the perfect, magical age of 8 when halloween is solely for him and his buddies. He's old enough to run around in the safety of his community under the watchful eyes of his parents and neighbors, without having to constantly stay in check and hold mom's hand. I'm still having a little trouble with this because I'm extremely over-protective and have difficulty letting go. How did he get so big and smart? He's 4'8" now! Anyway, I digress...as usual.

This year has been especially heart-warming for me for a couple of reasons. Firstly, this is our second halloween here and this year we actually know people in our community, which makes the events more enjoyable for us and the kids. Secondly, I'm sober and mindful of the blessings around me. Last year, I was at the depths of my addiction and self loathing. I found it hard to focus on anything other than my own insecurities and unhappiness. Don't get me wrong, we had a delightful halloween last year, but it's so much more...full...to be able to live in the moment and enjoy the pleasure of my family. Of course, I may take that back after my kids get so jacked up on candy they don't sleep for 3 days, but that's then, not now.

Whatever form your family takes, I wish you all a Merry, Merry Halloween! Have fun and enjoy life!

A Rich Life

2005-10-25T08:19:00.000-07:00

My husband is a big fucker. I mean, he's really tall and just...big. I've always been attracted to tall men. Since the first day I met him as a freshman in high school, I was drawn to him. Not until we were lab partners as seniors did I start to think of him in more salacious ways. It took another three years after graduation before I ran into him again (yes, in a bar) before we starting dating and decided to act out some of those desires. Another six years and a break up before we realized we were meant to be together and finally got married...almost ten years ago.

In that time, life has been full of fun, saddness, miscarriage, children, fortunes made, fortunes lost, love, addiction, joy, death...all the normal stuff that life can be full of. Sometimes we've pulled away frome eachother, maybe to catch our breath or to gain perspective. In the end, we're always there together, holding hands and tackling things side by side. Partners. For life. Forever.

Thank you, my Darling Husband, for helping me find myself and letting me be who I am meant to be. Thank you for your firm hand and gentle touch. Thank you for helping me figure out what is important and guiding me back to the light. I forgive you for not doing the dishes all the time because you love me and continue to believe in me. I look forward to growing old with you.

Who's Driving this Train?

2005-10-24T13:00:00.001-07:00

He pulled me close this morning as the children ran around us preparing for school. He ever so gently pulled my ponytail back so I was looking into his eyes, and he leaned over and whispered quietly into my ear that I was due for a spanking. He smiled slyly and sent me about my day with a swat on the ass.

OMG, is that a riding crop in the closet? I have so been a bad girl. A very bad girl.

When I'm the Buddha or Get a Life

2005-10-12T09:39:00.000-07:00

Blogging has been a small part of a much bigger journey for me. As I've mentioned before, I am in recovery (7 months sober) and have undergone a lot of changes in the past couple of years. Because of all of this and more than a healthy dose of therapy, I have a self indulgent tendency to be superficially introspective. Much of what I read in other people's blogs fascinates, titillates, saddens, and sometimes frightens me a little. Regardless, most of it just makes me think. Think, think, think. There's been talk of polyamory (I have so many thoughts on this, but I will hold my tongue), love, discipline, marital problems, family struggle and triumph...all in some kind of sexual or BDSM-related context. All very thought provoking and supremely interesting. The one thing that haunts me is some of the sadness. Frankly, I don't understand the choice of sacrifice, ritual, and submission when it leads to misery and continual self doubt. Perhaps I'm naive to think there should be some joy and love with lust and life, but why would anyone choose to be unhappy?

I've discovered that my goal in life is to find balance. If I can find that elusive balance between mother, lover, worker and self, I'm sure that I'll suddenly transform into the Elightened One and you can start calling me Buddah. Until then, I plan on enjoying the journey by living a life of happiness. (Yes, I know...it's okay, you can call me simple and idealistic.) Seriously, that's my plan, my big picture, my goal. I want to be happy. And I want everyone around me to be happy. I refuse to live a life of fear or misery. I won't live in fear of my addictions and I won't be miserable by the circumstances of my life. I don't think anyone should.

Ask yourself if you're getting what you need...not just what you want, but what you need to feel fulfilled? I recognize that everyone's needs are different and will be unique to their given life situation and experiences, but don't most people (especially women) need to feel loved and appreciated? I'll admit, I'm a little more needy and high maintenance in this area (exactly why I'll never be a good sub), but is it really so selfish to want happiness and appreciation by our partner(s) (or whatever you call him/her: master, bwana, asshole, husband, dear, big daddy, mistress)? I think not.

But, hey, if drama and misery are your bag, rock on with your miserable self. Otherwise, I strongly suggest you start finding the right life for you.

I know my little rambling rant here will piss someone off and that's cool with me. But, please don't give me some long winded dissertation on the philosophical ideology behind the theory of submission. I'm not a deep thinker, I just pretend to be.

Hugs and kisses!

Is it hot in here or is it just me?

2005-10-06T15:49:00.000-07:00

Something has changed. Something is different. After a brief lull in our sexual frenzy, he's picked up the pace and then some. He's adoring and affectionate and demanding and rough. And oh so confident in his sexual domination over me. Pinches and teasing here and there. Serious smacks on the ass while dressing. Insisting on lacey panties and matching bras under clothing. Admiring the new pink titanium barbells in my nipples before hungrily biting them. I feel like he's working up to something. I know he is.

We'll be alone tonight. No children. I'm nervous and excited. How ever did I get so lucky?

Nooner

2005-10-04T08:24:00.000-07:00

My hunky husband has been over-occupied (I'm pretty sure that's not a word, but it fits) with work for the last couple of weeks and the kids have pretty much dominated the household with school and activities. So, needless to say, it's been pretty boring sex-wise in our home. Until Sunday, when I decided to sit down atthe laptop and do a little work in between laundry and cleaning the kitchen. I decided to take a little peak at Lauren Dane's new e-book, Second Chances. I sat down and read that whole book in one sitting. It was smart and fun and delicious, and just a little sad. I loved it. And, frankly, it made me really, really horny for some good sex...not just those little quickies caught in the morning while the kids are still asleep.

Yesterday morning I called D at work to let him know that I was wearing my silky pink g-string panties and my lacey pink bra. For motivation. Being the wicked man he is he turned the tables on me a little while later by calling and torturing me verbally with descriptions of what he was going to do to my body when he got home. Wonderful things that included nibbling on my clit piercing through my panties and spanking my ass until it glowed red. I was in a tizzy. I knew my cunt was sloppy wet. I was almost grateful when he told me we could meet at home for lunch.

The things that my man can do to my body with his hands and mouth are amazing. [[giggle]] I'm getting wet just thinking about him. Part of my recovery is not to dwell on my past, but it makes me a little sad when I think about the time I wasted not enjoying his love and his passion. Oh well, anyway, back to the now where life is good. Every touch from tender to firm to deliciously painful leaves no question as to his feelings for me. The glint in his eye as he tells me to roll over is devilish, but always loving and protective. I revel in the touching and tugging, but I also enjoy those sweet moments when our eyes meet. There is so much comfort and pleasure in knowing a man for so long and having been through so much life as a team. Knowing he's the only person in the world that really knows and still loves me despite my imperfections. As I ride his cock which fits me so perfectly, I know that I will always love him and that I will always be his. As I feel his hand let go of mine and slowly caress the back of my neck and the grab my hair I go over the edge. The climax hits me so strongly I almost lose my balance. OMG. On and on. When it finally subsides I'm exhausted and filled with that wonderful, soft contented feeling.

I love nooners. I love my husband

Link Whore

2005-09-27T18:26:00.000-07:00

Since several bloggers have recently posted their "Link Policy" for their blogs, I've decided to post mine. This is it (are you ready?): uh, I don't have one. Basically, I'm a blogrolling whore. If I read something I like or am intrigued by (even in a bad way), then I link to it. I try to clean up my links every once in awhile, but frankly I don't think much about it.

There you go.

BTW, I've just started catching up on some of my blogs and I realized I missed a whole little drama in blogdumb. Bummer. I don't judge anyone (well, I try not to anyway) and I have fallen in love with a lot of wonderful people via their blogs, but I think I'm missing the boat on the whole lifestyle thing. In any lifestyle, the goal is happiness and the key is balance. If it don't work, change it. But, whatever. You guys are starting to fuck with my sobriety! Nah. Just kidding. It just seems so much easier when it's just about the kink, ya know. What does Hustler say? "Relax, it's just sex."

I think I'm gonna go find my hunky husband and beg for a spanking...

Super Mom/Kinky Love Vixen

2005-09-27T14:22:00.000-07:00

Holy Moly! Has it been that long since I've posted? Eek! Well, dear kinky friends, I have not relapsed, nor have I fallen off the edge of the planet. And I definitely haven't given up exploring my passion for my Darling D. I've just been trying slowly (ha! sure.) to blend back into real life. I've sort of thrown myself back into work and shifted gears back to (da da ta da!) Super Mom mode. See, I can bring home the bacon (the veggie bacon, that is) and fry it up in a pan (as long as D does the dishes afterwards). ;-) Living out in the friggin' boonies and carting kids around to gymnastics, jujitsu, tumbling, swimming and chess can be a little time consuming (I have to give thanks for Joss Stone, the Black Eyed Peas, and Green Day). I won't even mention that it cost me $65 to fill the damn minivan. But, I do have some really juicy little tales of lust to share with you so stay tuned. I promise I won't be gone again.

All that being said, I have really felt blessed, humbled and saddened by the aftermath of the recent hurricanes. My silly little sex life sometimes seems so small and unimportant in the face of such hardship. So, for anyone out there trying to rebuild their lives, my prayers are with you.

Hurricane Katrina

2005-09-01T15:47:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends,

My heart hurts today. Please do whatever you possibly can to help the victims of Katrina. I've donated what I can for now.

Network for Good

Charity Roundup

The Red Cross

Thanks and be well!

I got my mojo workin'

2005-08-31T17:07:00.000-07:00

I just want to say "thank you" to Mother Nature for turning off the heater and starting the countdown for Fall. Guess what elusive characteristic of mine came back into play! Just guess. Yeppers, baby! My mojo! My libido! My sexual revolution is back in swing! Bring on the kink! Wooo Frigging Hoo! There's been a few nights of good loving and stolen play here and there for the past few nights. Deee-lish!

When I'm done catching up on my pent up sexual frustration, I might share a naughty tid bit or two. ;-) Until then, Happy Humping!