More commonly, though, the emotional and mental habits that weigh us down play a kind of hide-and-seek game with us. We know we engage in patterns that don’t serve us, but somehow the full display stays just enough out of awareness that the patterns sustain themselves. We truly want to stop doing whatever it is that keeps us from being happy, but we just can’t seem to get to the bottom of it.

Rather than waiting for those moments of huge release, it is intelligent to cultivate the intention to investigate these patterns. As we all know, the force of a pattern can be intense. It’s exactly like an addiction that has us by the throat.

If we want to be free of the pattern, our intention to fully embrace it needs to be stronger than the energy of the pattern itself.

Fully embracing a pattern means being willing to take off all the blinders and directly experience our thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations. It means putting down our defenses, distractions, and urges to avoid and simply allowing ourselves to be aware of our own inner experience. And it is not always easy because the force of our habits can be so intense.

In my own journey, I have found the unlikely twins of ruthlessness and compassion to be essential.

One Twin: Ruthlessness

Ruthlessness is a very strong word. I use it because a strong intention, a fire is sometimes needed to burn through our conditioning, especially when it is well-embedded in us. When we want freedom more than anything, we become open to investigating everything we take for granted, including all our treasured beliefs and emotional dramas. We become intimate with all of it, bringing every bit of our experiences out of the shadows.

To realize complete freedom, nothing is immune to conscious examination – no assumption, no expectation, no identity. Nothing gets to hide; everything is seen. This exploration can be unrelenting, merciless, and unyielding, and leaves everything up for grabs. It’s kind of like dying, where what dies are the unconscious, often deeply-held, tendencies that lead us down a road of suffering.

The desire to know ourselves may smolder in a single ember or blaze through our lives igniting everything in its path. Buddhist meditation master Ajaan Chah says,

“Do everything with a mind that lets go. If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace. If you let go completely, you will know complete peace and freedom. Your struggles with the world will have come to an end.”

The process isn’t meant to be cruel. It is designed to expose all our misunderstandings and confusions. It can turn our lives upside-down for a while, but eventually leaves us clear, open, grateful, and supremely happy.

The Other Twin: Compassion

Ruthlessness alone is devoid of heart. Although the path to freedom is sometimes quite fiery, it is incomplete without compassion. As we open our awareness to our deepest fears, we may notice the tendency to avoid or judge – anything but actually feel the terror at the core of our being.

Compassion reminds us to relax, to receive, to welcome. What is is. If fear is present, or any other difficult feeling, it just is. We commit to unearthing everything, with ruthlessness, then we receive what is discovered in openness and love.

We find within us the most loving, accepting place that becomes a haven for our challenging emotions and distorted beliefs systems. Compassion is the welcoming invitation for all the disowned and fragmented parts of ourselves. Every experience can come out of the shadows and return home. Habits weaken, and we realize that who we are is whole, undefended, and free.

Ruthlessness without love is one-dimensional, and compassion without fierce determination leaves room for us to slide. Discover your compassionate inner warrior. Commit to openness always. Live in the receiving of things as they are. Know yourself fully, and you are free.

“Wisdom without love is like having lungs but no air to breathe. Do not seek wisdom in order to acquire knowledge but in order to live and love more fully.”
Adyashanti

What challenges do you notice in living a self-aware life? What qualities are important? I’d love to hear…

“There’s a light bulb in everyone
Bright enough to swallow the sun”
Songwriter Stuart Davis

I used to do a lot of meditation retreats – the hard ones where we would sit in silence for 10 days. When I signed up for the first one, I had no idea what I was in for.

I had been in psychotherapy on and off for years, but was still looking for relief from my inner suffering. Somehow I knew freedom from it was possible. I kept searching and found myself in the desert of California with the cactuses, lizards, and every feeling I had ever suppressed or ignored.

About the fifth day or so, the floodgates opened, as I literally cried nonstop for three days. Yes, it was painful, but so incredibly cleansing. Every emotion had the space to be. It felt like they had been waiting a thousand years to finally be invited out into the open. And they were having a field day.

By the end of the retreat, my whole inner world had transformed. I had released so much into the vastness of the desert sky: old stories, onerous feelings, confused beliefs. Talk about baggage, the chains were breaking so fast I couldn’t keep track. I left the desert feeling so much lighter. It was the beginning of true freedom that has continued to this day.

Even now, I occasionally become aware of some hidden remnant that draws me into an old reaction or thought pattern. And I happily shine the light on it so I am conscious enough to allow a different choice. Snip, snip…another piece of baggage left at the side of the road.

Identifying the Baggage

Although retreats can be very useful, they aren’t required to let go of the outdated baggage we carry around. In fact, all that is required is the willingness to see the truth, to air the dirty laundry packed up in those suitcases, to put the whole mess out onto the floor so it is no longer trapped inside of us.

So right now, in this moment, what baggage are you still carrying around?

Here are some possibilities:

• A relationship with someone that you know in your heart of hearts has seen better days and is no longer serving you;
• A grudge that keeps you from soaring;
• A habit that somehow hooked you but doesn’t fit anymore.
• A perspective or way of thinking that is confining, depleting, or just plain negative.
• An identity as unworthy, meek, lacking, fearful, controlling, needy – a case of mistaken identity that masks the awesomeness of who you actually are.

How to Put it Down

You’ve identified your version of baggage? Great! Time for celebration! You have just completed the first essential step toward being free of it.

Second step: Whatever the trouble is, welcome it into your loving heart. Recognize that it showed up in your life to protect or help you. See that it’s job is done and the time has come to say goodbye. Ask yourself: Do I need it? Is it serving me? Is it time to put it down?

I recently spoke with someone who is working on eating a healthier diet. As we splayed open the problem, examining every aspect of her experience related to food, it became obvious that her unhealthy eating habits are a vestige of an old way of being. At one time, she felt her body had betrayed her, so she disconnected from it and stopped paying attention to how she was treating it. Now so beautifully welcoming to all of her inner experiences, unhealthy eating no longer fits. Where before food was a weapon, it is becoming a joyful feast.

Next step: Make the shift. When the old tendency arises, choose life. Walk away every time, and step into the possibility of a life unencumbered by old baggage.

Allow change to happen. It’s OK if you feel fearful or uncomfortable. As you let go of what is old and outmoded, you are making the space for something new to arise. This is the beginning of a life lived in freedom.

Everything New

After that first retreat, the world never looked quite the same to me. The inexorable process of shedding couldn’t be stopped. Investigating every habit, every limited identity, every reaction became a way of life that has revealed greater and greater depths of openness and possibility.

Subtract all of these tendencies, and discover what remains…ease…peace…wonder…love.

What baggage are you carrying around? Is it time to let it go? I’d love to hear….

“If your everyday practice is to open to all your emotions, to all the people you meet, to all the situations you encounter, without closing down, trusting that you can do that - then that will take you are far as you can go. And then you’ll understand all the teachings that anyone has ever taught.”
Pema Chodron

In a comment on the recent post, How to Meditate, reader Linda wrote about the peace and calm she experiences when meditating, then acknowledged, “I want to find the way in to that state more often.” I imagine Linda is not alone. Does anyone out there want to feel peaceful and calm more often?

Discovering a state of inner tranquility, through meditation or any other means, is revolutionary. In this busy, driven world we live in even a few moments of silent awareness can change everything. When we discover that this haven of calm is always available within us, we realize that a moment of stopping and dropping in brings sanity and perspective. This is everyday meditation.

Meditation in This Moment

As we addressed in a previous post, true meditation is simply being aware of everything without resistance. Being aware takes a movement of our attention away from outer circumstances and the stories we tell ourselves about them. We go from being involved with the contents of our restless minds to being the space that everything arises in.

Why not try it for a second right now? Close your eyes, and move your attention first to your breathing, then to the space prior to the breathing from which the breath arises. Or look at the space in which these words you are reading is appearing. You will notice that that inner space is clear, quiet, and undisturbed. It is peace itself.

As we can see, this space is available, always. When it is revealed, it is just like the clouds parting to reveal the sunlight that has been there all along. A formal meditation practice is a training ground that adds a great deal of support to this realization, but the only requirement to be aware is a willingness to shift our attention.

Becoming Aware

Obsessively engaging in thinking, most of which is unproductive, can be thought of as a habit. Moving our attention away from thinking can feel like we are trying to stop a freight train barreling down the tracks. But freight trains can slow down, and becoming aware that we have been thinking is like the moment the brakes are applied. There is a stopping – and then the opportunity for a conscious choice. These moments are overflowing with possibility. Where do you choose to place your attention?

Every time we realize that we have been caught up in thinking and shift to the space of awareness, the habit of thinking softens. Every time we make the choice to stay awake to what is actually happening, we know peace.
We cannot make ourselves become aware that we have been thinking. These moments simply happen. But, by implementing the suggestions below, we can nudge ourselves in the desired direction.

• Meditation Practice. A regular meditation practice is a great support to increase the moments of awareness. When we set aside a few minutes every day to sit quietly, we are removing ourselves from the outer stimulation of the world and inviting in moments of awareness.
• Investigate the Habit of Thinking. Become very familiar with the experience of being caught up in thinking about something. What is happening in your body? What emotions are arising? What is the energy like that is motivating the thoughts? Do you feel depressed, anxious, or conflicted. Any of these experiences can signal you to wake up and make the choice to shift your attention to the space of awareness.
• Be with Like-Minded Others. Go to a meditation group. Connect with people who are interested in exploring inner stillness. Read blogs that support truly knowing yourself – rather than fixing yourself.
• Know Your Triggers. Make conscious choices about the stimuli you expose yourself to. Be fully in the world, but be wise about how you do it. If violent movies agitate you, if you find the news disturbing, make another choice. See how you can orient your life toward stepping off the spinning hamster wheel and allowing yourself to be still.
• Give Yourself Reminders. It might sound mechanistic, but it can be helpful to get into the habit of stopping for a moment before getting out of bed in the morning or starting your car.

When we become aware, we wake up from the lives we create in our minds to experience what is actually here – this breath, these sensations. Peace is closer than we could ever imagine. Be still, and you will know reality as it is – fresh, clear, and alive.

image credit: Monica’s Dad

“The mind creates the abyss, the heart crosses it.”
Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

What do you believe about yourself that keeps you feeling small, unworthy, incapable, or damaged?

Whatever you were told about yourself that defeats you, whatever you have come to identify as your flaws: Don’t believe it!

You were responsible for your mother’s alcohol use? You ruined everything by being born? Your sister is better than you? You shouldn’t reach for the stars?

Take any self-sabotaging assumption – and Don’t believe it!

Believing these untruths is the beginning of a downward spiral that we are all familiar with. In our minds, we create a reality that seems so real that we sacrifice our talents, inner clarity, health, and well being. Subtract these beliefs, and you will find unlimited treasures of possibility, sanity, and peace.

As you explore the smudges on the window that keep you from seeing clearly, can you have great compassion for yourself? No need to add a layer of self-blame for holding on to these beliefs. All it takes is this: start where you are, and cultivate a deep willingness to see through to the truth.

How Did I Get Here?

If you don’t have your own, spend some time with young children, maybe at a playground. They are so open and impressionable. This was you at 8 months or 5 years – open and impressionable. You were totally receptive to absorbing all of the messages that came your way from people around you. And sometimes those messages were unsupportive and defeating.

Young children are naturally self-focused, the center of their universe. Everything that happens is interpreted through a filter of “me.”

A young child isn’t capable of understanding the reasons why a parent would ignore or abandon her. She assumes it is her fault and takes on the identity of worthlessness. A parent says, “You’re no good;” a child can’t see that the parent feels inadequate, so takes the statement at face value.

Prior to these self-beliefs, we are confident and curious. After these beliefs set in, we feel contracted and limited. We scurry to find ways to cope with a life situation that seems frightening, aggressive, or empty. And the result is layers of conditioning that make lightness and joy seem unattainable.

Remember the lightness and joy? They are in there, I promise you.

The Process of Untangling False Beliefs

I don’t mean to be flippant by saying, “Don’t believe it.” For most of us, it takes some time to untangle these deeply-held mindsets we carry around. Ultimately, though, a thorough and precise investigation into these beliefs reveals that they simply aren’t true. When this is understood in all aspects of your being, the palpable result is freedom, a reclaiming of your natural self prior to conditioning.

Unwinding these beliefs is usually a process. Once you begin to pay attention to them, you see that each time they arise presents an opportunity to investigate how they operate in you. Each moment of investigation is a chink in the armor you have built around you.

Identify the Beliefs

How to investigate these core beliefs? Begin by identifying them. Signs of a hidden belief include depression, anxiety, strong emotions, conflict in relationships, general dissatisfaction, hopelessness. Take your current experience as the starting point, and use your loving attention to highlight the story you tell yourself. What do you believe about yourself and other people that leads to your unhappiness?

Say you feel lonely. You might be telling yourself: I can’t make friends; I’m unlovable; There’s something wrong with me if I’m alone. Once you have discovered these beliefs, you are ripe for investigating them.

Go to the Source

Think back to illuminate how these identities took hold of you.

• Who said these statements to you?
• What circumstances occurred that led you to believe them? Take your time here so you can understand exactly how these perspectives lodged in you.
• Now step into the shoes of people who were less than supportive toward you. What was happening for them that led them relate to you in the way they did? How were their hearts closed? Can you see how it was not your fault?

Integrate Your Discoveries

Return to the core beliefs and consider them in light of what you have just discovered. These identities may not feel so solid in you now. Maybe you will notice that you took as true a critical statement that was made because of someone else’s confusion.

Allow yourself to question the beliefs. Do they fit all of you? Can you find the part of yourself that is still alive and has not been affected by them?

The Emotional Aspect

Inherent in a self-defeating belief is a state of lack. Something about you doesn’t feel good enough, important enough, confident enough. As you now know, this feeling of lack originated early on in your life, and there may still be a part of you craving the love and attention you missed.

The final phase for releasing a belief often includes recognizing this place of lack and filling it up with love and attention. Where does this love and attention come from? From your own precious heart. You have within you the capacity to heal the apparent deficiency.

Open your heart to fill up all parts of you that are waiting to be seen in love. Pour it on like a waterfall, and let yourself drink it in in every cell. This is the remembering of your natural, full, unconditioned being.

Every time the contraction around a belief arises, the sadness and despair, you have an opportunity to fill with love even more deeply.

It was Jesus who said, “for you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” Tell yourself the absolute truth, especially about those unexamined beliefs that seem so real.

Know yourself, as you are, and you are free.

You are welcome to check out some other articles I’ve written about beliefs here and here.

image credit: R’eyes

In previous posts, we discussed the purpose of meditation and how to do it. After an introduction, this audio leaves about five minutes for you to meditate in silence. Feel free to meditate longer, if you feel so moved.

Just five minutes of inner quietude each day can change everything. Any time is a good time to meditate. You might try sitting in silence right before you go to sleep at night or just when you wake up in the morning. Enjoy!

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In the last post, we talked about the purpose of meditation. I mean the real purpose. Sure, meditation can lower blood pressure, improve sleeping, and help people cope with physical pain. These are not small benefits and are valid reasons to meditate.

The Role of Meditation

But if what we want is freedom from self-defeating habits of all kinds and the realization of enduring happiness and peace, the practice of meditation can be a huge support.

There is no law that says we must meditate or we must know ourselves. The choice is completely ours. Some people avoid it like the plague, and others simply aren’t interested. But for those lucky ones (you?) who want to be truly happy and cannot help but ask the big questions, meditation is a tool that helps to shed habits and realize freedom.

When we are under the influence of our habitual patterns, inner discovery is next to impossible. Take an alcoholic as an example. Could he possibly see what is driving his need to drink while sitting at the bar with a gin and tonic?

Substitute for “alcoholic,” procrastinator, commitment-phobe, overeater, or self-deprecator, and you will discover your version of avoidance. When we allow the momentum of our patterns to carry us, we are too involved to see how they actually operate.

Freedom Is Possible

Simply sitting in quiet on a regular basis becomes a refuge of sanity from the pressure of our habits. It provides the space for us to stop and see what we are actually experiencing. It is a step away from the endless hamster wheel.

We learn that thoughts are just thoughts, feelings just feelings, and that we don’t need to react. It is so amazing to see that we can feel angry or recognize a recurring story of woe in our minds and we don’t need to do anything. We are simply present.

This is the freedom that stopping makes possible. Our choice is this: we can stay blind to what motivates us and continue playing out habits, or we can stop, notice what we are thinking and feeling, and allow those experiences just to be present.

The How-To

Meditation is extremely simple – we sit quietly and allow everything to be as it is. Whatever we experience, we simply see it without doing anything to it. We might notice physical sensations, sounds, thoughts, or feelings that may be subtle or strong. We might notice urges to do something or tendencies to resist or avoid.

Our job in meditation is simply to be aware of these comings and goings without involving ourselves. We may feel the urge to move our attention in a given direction, but instead of acting on the urge, we stay still and allow it to unfold. That’s all there is to it.

You can think of yourself as the boundless sky. Clouds and weather pass through, but the sky is present, unmoving, unaffected.

For many of us what I am suggesting is easier said than done. The point of meditation is not to instigate a fight with what we experience. It is to be with what is. If avoidance or self-criticism appears, then that is the experience to receive in that moment. If you feel a fight brewing, then be with those feelings, thoughts, and body sensations.

When we meditate, we have a neutral, friendly attitude to everything that arises – the hard experiences as well as the mundane and blissful ones. Most of us wish to be accepted unconditionally by people. Meditation is the opportunity for us to be unconditionally accepting of ourselves, of every experience that arises in the moment. All are welcomed in the space of open awareness.

The Nuts and Bolts

Start to meditate by setting aside a few minutes for yourself. If the idea of meditating scares you, just try it for maybe five minutes, eventually working up to fifteen minutes or more. The idea is to be alert, awake, attentive, open, and receptive.

Settle your body into a comfortable sitting position, and close your eyes. Once you are settled so your body can be still, begin to pay attention to your breathing. This, alone, can be amazing. Simply track your inhale and exhale. Notice what happens around your nose, chest, back, and belly. All you are doing is noticing.

Another way to start is to open to sounds. Let your awareness be receptive to any sounds that appear, close or far. Be the still point in the center, and allow the sounds to come to you.

After a minute or so, let go of paying attention to the breathing or hearing sounds, and open your attention completely to everything that arises. You might notice thoughts, feelings, and sensations in your body. Just be a loving presence.

Thinking Is Not a Problem

At some point, you are likely to notice that you have gotten caught up in thinking about something. This is completely natural, and not a problem. When you realize you have been lost, simply shift your attention back to the space that receives everything.

This may happen thousands of times, if not more. Still not a problem. Each time, gently return to loving awareness. This is the movement to presence that stems the momentum of playing out habits unconsciously. This momentum is highly conditioned, so it takes some time to soften. Be kind with yourself.

One of the misunderstandings about meditation is that the goal is to stop thinking. You will realize that this is impossible. Thinking may stop, but it happens on its own and not because you are doing anything to make it stop. Thinking is part of experience, and all experiences are welcomed unconditionally.

No Goal

The goal is not to get anywhere or accomplish any particular state, including states of rapture or bliss. The “goal” is simply to be with what is. Be awake to the ordinary, everything as it is.

Meditation serves as long as it is needed. Some people have been meditating daily for decades and for others the practice comes and goes. There is no assignment or “should” about it. If you feel moved to meditate, then enjoy. If not, life will bring you exactly what you need in some other form. If you are aware of avoiding meditation out of fear, you may consider examining your resistance.

In the ultimate state of awakeness, meditation is the enduring way of being. Even the concept of the meditator falls away, and all that exists is pure awareness. Thoughts and emotions may come and go, but awareness, you, remains untouched. This is what Adyashanti calls true meditation.

If you haven’t meditated before, give it a try. I’d love to hear how it goes. If you are a seasoned practitioner, feel free to share your experiences. Any questions are always welcome and will help everyone.

Next post: guided audio with a period of silence to support welcoming your own experience in meditation.

image credit: twoblueday

“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.”
Joseph Campbell

As I look back, I can see that meditation saved me. Before I started meditating, I had had many years of therapy, but somehow I still wasn’t happy. It was 1995 (ages ago!). I had been reading about Buddhism for a year, but was avoiding meditation like a peeping tom avoids knocking on the door. I was curious and interested, but was too scared to actually sit in silence with myself.

I finally bit the bullet, and the true healing began.

Why Meditate

The beauty of meditation is that we intentionally stop the momentum of our patterns so we can see what we are really experiencing. When we unconsciously play out our habits and addictions day after day, year after year, nothing changes. We may try to modify our thoughts or analyze our childhoods, but the root of the problem still exists.

Meditation is the dam on the rushing river that allows us to discover what the swirls and eddies are all about. It puts an end to avoidance and rationalizing, and invites us to directly investigate our actual experiences in the moment and come to peace with them.

Sitting in quiet offers the possibility of deconstructing our habits. Over time, we begin to see that we run the same boring stories through our minds or that our bodies are wrought with tension that we never noticed before. These illuminating observations are almost impossible when we are traveling through our lives at warp speed.

How It Works

Say that you have a tendency to snack mindlessly at night. Most people would agree that this kind of eating is about dodging emotions rather than assuaging hunger. In meditation, you stop acting on the momentum of this pattern. You feel the urge to snack, but make the choice to explore your inner experiences instead.

Here is where a whole new world opens up! It might be uncomfortable, but you finally see the feeling of fear or lack that has been driving you. A behavior as seemingly mundane as snacking can lead you to a deep understanding of your most basic belief systems and world views.

And when all of this is allowed space to be in meditation – specific emotions, contractions in the body, churning thoughts – you are able to make a conscious choice about what you want to do. You learn that these driving forces can be a part of your experience, and you can refrain from acting on them. This is true freedom.

The Secret Treasure

As these identities and habits begin to fall away, the ultimate secret treasure of meditation is revealed. We discover that in between the stories and emotions is space. When we explore the space, we see that it is clear, alive, shining, and expansive.

And it is steady and enduring. We see that our experiences come and go, but this aliveness is always here. This is the space of the unconditioned, prior to any learning. It is obscured by our busy minds, but completely available to be discovered. Here is sanity and peace.

Have you ever had the experience of intense well-being come over you for no reason or an insight that the objects of the world are not real or your heart so filled with love that it is impossible to contain in your physical body? This is the unconditioned, pure consciousness, always present.

And if you haven’t had these experiences, no cause to be concerned. Once you commit to self-discovery, the identities that you take to be you will eventually begin to shed, and glimpses of this essence, your true nature, will be available.

Sitting quietly is a refuge, and offers an incredible opportunity that brings us back to ourselves. The next post will offer the how-to of meditation. I welcome any questions and would love to hear about your experiences with meditating.

“If you could only keep quiet, clear of memories and expectations, you would be able to discern the beautiful pattern of events. It is your restlessness that causes chaos.”
Nisargadatta

This audio is a guided process for turning your attention inside and opening to the truth of your experience. When we open rather than play out mental habits, we happily discover that freedom is possible.

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“Self is what gives breath to Life. You need not search for It, It is Here. You are That through which you would search. You are what you are looking for! And That is All it is.” Papaji

In the last post, we talked about the most intelligent thing you could every do, which is to turn your attention inside – to live from the stillness within, and receive all that you experience without resistance. This post is the how-to, the description of what it takes to make this radical, life-altering shift.

You Can Choose How to Be

Ultimately, the answer to the question, “How do I turn my attention inside?” is, “Just do it!” No angel will descend to give you the power, and no magic is needed. Most of us, however, are so strongly conditioned to bypass our own reality and focus on finding solutions outside of us that a nudge in the right direction can be useful.

Not that looking outside ourselves is the “wrong” direction. It all depends on what you want. Most people are so caught up in their habitual patterns they can’t even discern that any other way of being is possible. And many of us, myself included, somehow choose patterns that don’t bring us happiness, even when we know an alternative exists.

From the perspective of the deepest truth, no thing is left out, all is included – habits, suffering, delusion, misunderstanding. There is no wrong way to be.

However, we do have some choice over the matter: where we put our attention. Attention is like earth and water to a seedling – what we pay attention to is what will grow. Our attention signifies what is really important to us. We might believe we have a certain value or inclination, but where we put our attention is the litmus test.

A Real-Life Example

I used to hold a grudge against my parents, which led me to feel angry a good part of the time. Why did I feel angry? I was thinking about events from the past a lot and felt that my views were justified.

At some point, by grace, I began to realize the extent of my anger, meaning that my attention moved from repeating stories in my mind to actually feeling my own experience. This was a revelation, as I saw how much these stories were hurting me. While I was busy running monologues in my mind and justifying my positions, I was ignoring the discomfort and unhappiness in my own body, mind, and spirit. Once I became aware, letting go happened naturally.

Where we direct our attention is the key to the prison door. Let’s investigate further.

How Does Suffering Affect You?

A desire to realize freedom and happiness invites us to be ruthless in telling the truth. There is no way around it. We take off the blinders and put down our defenses to be real with what is actually happening.

Consider a habit that you know isn’t serving you. Just for a moment, focus your attention on yourself to take an honest peek at how this habit is affecting you. First, look at your feelings, then your thoughts, then the sensations in your body. Your actual experience cannot lie. You might notice sadness that has gone on way too long, pressured thoughts that have no end, tension or even physical illness. You might be surprised by what you discover or it might be a confirmation of what you have known all along but chosen to ignore.

Seeing the truth, even when difficult, is the pathway to happiness. When we pay attention to what is true for us, the story of suffering ends and the possibility for clarity begins. Maybe it’s enough to acknowledge the truth or maybe you will be moved to do or stop doing something.

If you want to realize happiness, direct your attention to what is actually happening in your experience. Do the one thing you can control: make the loving, courageous choice to tell the truth about your own reality.

Willingness to Let Go of Strategies

Willingness flourishes when we reach the end of our rope. We truly see, with our precious attention, that our coping strategies and wishful thinking don’t work. What we hope for is an end to the suffering, but what we get is continued unhappiness.

Ultimately, strategies are futile. They may help manage situations or feelings for a period of time, but situations seem to change on their own, and suppressed emotions resurface. Strategies are what we “try” to do to fix problems. We minimize ourselves so we don’t rock the boat, we push to get ahead, we engage in any number of addictions and compulsions. Strategies are fueled by fear of seeing the truth, and the medicine is the willingness to bring our attention directly into what is actually true.

So let yourself hit bottom. Try everything to exhaustion, and you will be open to making a shift – to focusing your attention on the experience in the moment. Dig deep within yourself to find the willingness to tell the truth, the willingness to let go of strategies, the willingness to make a radical shift away from fear and into the reality of love and unity. It’s right here, waiting for you.

The End of Victimhood

If we unconsciously play out patterns of habitual thinking, we are a victim of unseen feelings and belief systems. It’s that simple. And so amazing that we can choose to stop being a victim by where we place our attention.

The definition of the word “victim” from dictionary.com is quite revealing:
“a person who is deceived or cheated, as by his or her own emotions or ignorance, by the dishonesty of others, or by some impersonal agency (emphasis added)”

When we are ignorant of what is actually true and allow our emotions to deceive us, we fall into victimhood. We run on fear and lack, waiting for circumstances to change, and wonder why happiness isn’t ours to savor.

If we want to end this sad and frustrating play, we make the blessed U-turn with our attention. We abandon trying to control what cannot be controlled (i.e., we give up insanity), and we use our power to control the one thing we can: where we place our attention.

When we bring our attention inside, the truth of the moment is revealed. Experiences come and go, and we open our hearts to receive them all as is. Here is peace on earth – being with the unfolding of life.

When we try to strategize and fix, when we are a victim of our misunderstandings and defenses, we are trying to “do” life, trying to make it happen according to our personal desires. Bringing our attention inside shifts the balance completely. We realize we are one with the flow of life, allowing it to lead us, to show us the way.

It is not for us to say how are lives are supposed to be. Pay attention. Be still. Listen. And your life will unfold in glorious perfection.

“Happiness is your nature. It is not wrong to desire it. What is wrong is seeking it outside when it is inside.”
Sri Ramana Maharshi

I must admit, I love happiness. I’m not one of those people who seeks out drama or thrives on conflict. It has simply been my quest in life to be happy. And it has sometimes been a rocky road.

Is Happiness Here?

A quest to be happy? Let’s investigate to see what that really means. If I am searching to become happy, then I am assuming that happiness isn’t present now. In a certain sense, this is a logical conclusion. Sometimes I don’t feel happy, so happiness must be elsewhere. Right?

Wanting happiness that I don’t seem to have feeds a tremendous longing in me. This longing motivates a search to find the missing piece that will fill up the feeling of lack or need.

I imagine I’m not the only one. For you, it might be success or fulfillment or love more than happiness. But who among us doesn’t feel that they need something they don’t have?

Where to Look for Happiness

If there appears to be a hole inside, then where to look for the perfectly shaped plug that will make everything complete? Since the hole is inside us, we reason that the answer must be outside. We couldn’t possibly already have the solution, or we would be applying it.

Most of us look out into the world to find the ideal relationship, living situation, career, or passion that will fill us up and finally end the desperation we feel. We try to change our thoughts, manage our feelings, reduce our stress.

We are putting tons of effort into improving ourselves and our lives so we will be happy at some point in the future. And it is exhausting.

The Most Intelligent Move

But here is the problem – and the solution: we’re looking in the wrong place.

Somehow we get tricked into believing that we aren’t already whole, that happiness isn’t here, that eternal peace is not possible. We strive for something better, and we settle for good enough.

The most intelligent thing you could ever do is turn your attention inside.

When you turn your attention inside:

• you stop waiting for the right circumstances to show up in your life;
• you stop hoping other people will treat you differently;
• you stop waging a war with your feelings;
• you stop letting your thoughts make you believe you are incomplete.

You stop resisting your actual life as it appears to you in every moment. You are aware and awake.

When you place your attention on the ultimate – awareness itself – you discover stillness, silence, expansion. And in that still space, everything arises.

Where Is the Problem?

When we look outside for solutions, all we find are more problems. Happily, we see that in experiencing life from the inside out, from the still space of awareness, we can be at peace with whatever arises. This is a radical shift: we let go of doing something to achieve an outcome, and we simply notice, from the stillness, the arising and passing of all experiences.

By now you may be asking, “But what about all those needs?” Actually, what we think of as needs are thoughts about needs. Problems are actually thoughts about problems. Say you feel that you need more love. If you investigate that experience, you won’t find a need. It doesn’t exist anywhere. You might feel a sensation in your chest or tell yourself in your thoughts that you need more love, but there is no thing called a need.

Try it right now and see. Look inside to find the wound or lack or deficiency. All you will see are thoughts and physical sensations.

So if you believe you have a need, and you look outside yourself to fulfill it, you are stepping onto the hamster wheel of endless searching. You are spending your precious energy looking for the answer to a problem that doesn’t actually exist.

Sounds a little crazy, right? Well, that’s how 99.9% of the world operates. Only a tiny fraction of people – and you are one of them – has the opportunity to contemplate true and lasting happiness.

Be with Things as They Are

Turning your attention inside means letting go of thoughts and simply being with your pure experience – allowing it, embracing it, welcoming it – as it is.

Now, I’m not suggesting that you pretend you have no problems or needs. This is just adding another layer of thought to an already complicated situation. Simply let go of trying to figure things out, of repeating stories and drawing erroneous conclusions. Just for a moment, turn your attention away from thinking and into that which is aware of everything. You will discover life happening – delicious, real, and alive in you. Just allow things to be.

Life Unfolds

When we make the most intelligent move we can make – turning our attention inward to investigate the reality of our experience – we open ourselves to the possibility of experiencing life in a new way. We relinquish control, we admit we don’t know what is going to happen, we actually live the life that is happening right now.

When we keep our attention inside, on silence, on life as it is unfolding, the appropriate action to take or not take becomes clear. We plan, but hold the plans lightly, as we are available to respond to the truth of the moment.

This radical, simple shift of attention is the end of blaming, waiting, and hoping – and the beginning of truly living, here, alive, fully awake to this precious moment.
photo credit: Cesar R.