In Church on Sunday we sang ‘Swing Low, Sweet Chariot’. The minister commented that this negro spiritual was a song of two meanings – one was the obvious religious symbol of waiting for the day they would die and receive their reward; the other meaning referred to the Underground Railroad, the resistance movement that helped slaves escape from the South to the North and Canada.

Suddenly my mind put the two events together and I began to wonder how history would see my actions? Would I be a Freedom Rider or a safe spot along the Underground Railroad? Or am I just accepting things as they are?

What's Your Cause?

Am I seeing the full impact of today’s issues?

Because I read and critique obituaries (yes, it an odd habit that I started in my teens) I have often considered what information is important in obituaries. For example I am adamant that grandchildren and great-grandchildren be listed by name! Although it is rarely an issue in this day and age, listing a woman as Mrs. (insert Husbands name) really raises my hackles. Naturally, I have considered my own obituary. What can the world say about me?

Did I speak for those who are oppressed? Did I speak for those who are bullied? What did I fight for?

The answers to these questions have caused me to travel many paths. It has caused me to challenge my thinking. The answers are not always comfortable. The change is not always easy.

What about you? What do you believe in? What are you willing to fight for?

So, I feel as if I have walked into the weekend from hell! It started Friday morning, continued to Friday afternoon and evening. So naturally, I thought things come in threes – Morning, Afternoon and Night – I’m done, let the good times begin! But regrettably the universe isn’t finished with me and as I sit here on Sunday night pontificating, the fun is still happening (seriously my dog is spewing from both ends – send prayers).

So I have done what every good google guru does, I googled ‘what to do when everything is going wrong’. And I discovered this wonderful article of good tips by Archie Dobbins called Staying Sane When Everything is Going Wrong. In it Archie gives ten tips – I’ll share a few of them with you (the ones I am trying right now):

1: STOP! Breathe in deeply, and slowly, hold for a few seconds, then slowly breathe out. Do this 3 times. This will prevent hyperventilation, you know, the short, rapid breaths and the elevated heartbeat and temperature.

2: GET AWAY! Try to get away from the source of irritation. If you can’t escape to a quiet place for five minutes, try just sitting down with your eyes closed. This will lower the amount of stimulus to the brain.

3: REMEMBER! Who are you, really. Deep down inside, away from the clutter of your fast paced life, there is the person that you see yourself as. Maybe it is when you were in a certain grade in school, and you felt the best about yourself, maybe it was after winning, perhaps it is as you see yourself in the mirror now. Whatever is the best image you have of yourself, close your eyes and see it.

4: AFFIRM! Don’t be afraid to say to yourself, “I’m OK. I am a good person. I deserve to be loved. I love others, and I am good for them. I am feeling better, already.

5: CHOOSE! How the day goes from here is your choice. Expect the best. It beats the alternative.

Archie then suggests that you ‘reward yourself.’ So in that spirit, I’ve now eaten a sleeve of Thin Mint Girl Scout Cookies. The world should be better soon!

I hope you enjoy them anyway

Saturday began with the meeting of my UDC Chapter at Jack Mackerels in Kure Beach. I took several photographs and will be sharing them over on the UDC website. However this fluke of photography I couldn’t resist.

Pat Bolander Fort Fisher UDC President

By the way, no the room was not that dark.

Immediately after the meeting we traipsed over to Carolina Beach for the Polar Plunge. In 2010 Jenn participated in the Polar Plunge and she decided to plunge again in 2012. This year she was able to raise $150.00 for the Special Olympics. (As a side note all funds were raised online and via our social media efforts). There were lots of interesting people to see. I’ve capture a few…a VERY few!

I also took video of the plunge! You can see the majority of people plunge in this video. (click HERE).  Still my favorite video is the one that come almost immediately after this video. You see I was able to convince Jenn to Plunge AGAIN because she wasn’t totally wet (her shoulder was dry).  Here is that video…the redux!

And yes, my feet took the plunge getting the video of today’s plunge

Lastly, just because I can’t have every photo be of people…..

yep, it's Ketchup

I am sad to report that I did not add in any weight training this week. I experience some low back pain after walking, which I think is related to my surgery and my core muscles building back. I think I need to work those core muscles to help them strengthen.

Several years ago I bought an Ab Roller. It really did give me great abs and a flat stomach. I think it may be time to get that thing out of the closet and see if I can build up some muscles!

In December when I was still holding my insides in as I walked, I decided when I was better that I wanted to ride a Zipline as the true and final “I’m better” moment. I began calling it my Zip Quest. Little did I know at the time but there is actually a place called ZipQuest in Fayetteville (less than 2 hours from me). As soon as I began my research, they have been my goal! Well, this past week, I set my ZipQuest date – April 1^st.

Come Zip with me!

This morning I have had an epiphany!

Although I can not control how they see or value my time I can control access. I can control how much of my time I am willing to let someone else waste.

You see, just as I can not expect others to know how I feel, unless I tell them. I can not expect others to respect my time unless I create boundaries.

So here is my three steps I am going to try (film at 11 <grin>)

1. I am going to try the line: “If I take the time right now – as much as I would love to chat – it’s going to make me late for my rest of my day.” (Or something similar). Conversely, I am going to begin my daytime ‘dish sessions’ with friends by asking ‘Do you have time to talk?’

With one particular friend we have sent private messages, emails or text to ask ‘do you have time to talk’. Often we begin our conversations by sharing our time limit. Even if it’s just ‘I only have a few minutes’. Try it with your friends, co-workers, or even clients.

2. I am going to be clearer with my clients about what I need and the time-frame in which I need it. My problem client likes to ramble about how busy they are as an excuse for why they can not get me the information I need in a timely fashion. My bottom line has to be that I can not work late every week because of a lack of organization of their part.

3. I am going to remember that I am not obliged to answer my phone just because it rings.

I’ll leave you with the song that inspired the title. But before I do….What tips or tools do you use to keep others from wasting your time?

No too long ago I was out with a group of friends. As the evening was winding down we all were checking our phones, facebooking, tweeting etc – sans one fellow. He became enraged! Ranting on about how we were living in a false world and he preferred interaction with ‘real’ people and not friends we imagined that were in our phones.

Time and again the mistake is made when we think we live in an Anonymous world when we are in the virtual realm. We say things we would not ordinarily say. We do things we would not really do. All the while thinking we are in some magical land, like Vegas.

I can honestly say I have met some of the best people I know via the internet. One of my very best friends I met via twitter. There are people I interact with daily who I know via Facebook. You see the magic of these social interactions is not the virtualness, but the real nature of the relationships. To me it is the absolute best of the internet.

Conversely, because all too often we develop the what happens online stays online, we behave badly and forget that there can be real consequences. The person who reads what you type is just as real. What happens when your Vegas comes to the attention of your boss, or mother? Are you proud of what you’ve said? Are you willing to ‘own’ it?

This is a cautionary tale. I caution you to be wary of what you share. For the reason that nothing is lost once it is on the internet. In 1997, prior to my meeting Jenn, she was the subject of a front page story for the San Francisco Chronicle. Yesterday when I googled her name that article still comes up. I mention this to illustrate the length of time things can and do live on the internet.

What you say today may create issues not only today with the real people with which you interact but with future people who can access that information.

Communicating Love

night I watched as Jenn fashioned little Valentines Day surprises for her choir. She was having so much fun. It lead to a discussion of our expressions of love to those around us.

I was a stoic kid. Beyond grade school when everyone gave every one a valentine, I’m relatively sure it was a holiday that held no allure for me. Jenn says she was that kid pouring over the valentines she would give and trying to match them to the recipient.

I just purchased a book by Gary Chapman called G  The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. In this book Gary discusses not only the language of love but how important it is to learn your partners language and learn to show them love in the way that is most fulfilling for them. You can learn more about he five languages of love here.

Last year I read  The Five Languages of Apology: How to Experience Healing in all Your Relationships also Gary Chapman.  In this book Gary discusses how language and actions can mean different things. His idea is that we must learn to speak the apology language of our partners.

In this day and age of having everything be about the individual and ourselves, today is a good day to begin a journey of thinking of others, Whether it is the one special one or your friends, family or an acquaintance. Learning the language of love is really just learning effective communication.

Happy Valentines day, ya’ll!!  I love you all!

That is the way I run, with a clear goal in mind

My frame of mind upon arrival was harried and un-centered. But I did my best to settle. Then the scripture was read – 1 Corinthians 9: 24 – 26 which ends with ‘That is the way I run, with a clear goal in mind’.

How many things do we do without a clear goal in mind? Or we allow other events to distract us from our goal. My goal yesterday to arrive at Church on time; but because my actions did not reflect that goal I failed.

Perhaps you wish to run a marathon but your training is unfocused and sporadic. Possibly you want to change careers or earn a degree but you allow the mundane and dead-end job to occupy your energies. It is time to wake up and realize you need to run toward your goal and be singular of focus.

What are you focused on this week?

However I did walk twice this week. The distance was the same but the pace was faster! I hope to walk today.

My visit to the doctor’s office also reveled that I have gained back almost all the weight I lost while sick. It’s time to kick this into high gear! So here’s the 12-week plan!

EXERCISE

1- Cardio 3 days a week adding in Fartlek training to my walks;

2- Weight Training – 3 days a week (gym membership paid)

DIET

I’ll be following a Body for Life type eating plan which includes:

• Eating 6 smaller meals per day instead of the standard 3 large meals. Eating one “portion” of carbohydrates and one “portion” of protein at each meal.
• Consuming vegetables with at least two meals per day.
• Limiting consumption of butter, cheese, mayonnaise, alcoholic beverages, and high fat salad dressings.
• Allowance of one “free day” each week. A free day is one day a week in which the person is allowed to make dietary choices that do not correspond with the eating program. This allows the body to avoid the Starvation response and gives the dieter a chance to avoid cheating since they know they simply have to wait until their free day to have what they crave.

JOURNAL

I’ll be keeping a daily journal of my successes and failures – I won’t bore you with all the details but I will give you the weekly summary.

The last day of my 12-week program will be May 6, 2012. Let the games begin!

What my time on Pinterest has taught me is, well, there are so many delectable foods in the world AND people love to share inspirational sayings. Some are cute. Some are insightful. Others are funny or witty. Which has me thinking, why do we love to share them so much?

After minutes of solicitous consideration, I believe I have the answer. We share the sayings for the same reason I write this blog….we want to inspire OURSELVES to be better. We believe that if we can live by the saying just for today we can improve our lives. Maybe we think we can magically hold on to the feeling we felt when we read that bit of inspiration. Maybe we want to share that feeling with others.

My post today is light hearted, but my message is serious. Get inspired! Find the thing that moves you and share! Share it with your spouse, your friends, and even the world!