Emma! Have you ever done anything to raise money for charity before?
For the past few years I’ve done different things for charity. Two years ago I shaved my head for Sport Relief, and last year I did a bungee jump for the Rockinghorse children’s charity. I’ve recently decided I’m going to do one thing a year that scares me for different charities. I feel I’ve had a good life and I think it’s good karma to give something back :)

Emma previously shaved her head to raise money for charity!

Why did you decide to support Stonewall?
The reason I chose Stonewall is because I came out when I was 18, and before that I was just confused and didn’t even know what ‘gay’ really was. Stonewall aim to change the way the world works through education and awareness; they branch out to schools and businesses, not to mention their work abroad. When I came out I had the support of my friends and family which was amazing… unfortunately, not everybody is so lucky, so I want to show my support in any way I can.

One of Stonewall's most memorable advertising campaigns

You say you’re scared of heights… how the hell are you going to jump out of a plane?! Why did you choose this way to raise money?
I chose to do the jump purely for the fact that I’m scared of heights…. I figured people would pay more to force me ino a situation where I may actually wet myself and cry! The tallest thing I have ever been up before was the crane I was on to do the bungee jump last year… I believe it was 170ft… I will never, EVER be doing that again! :)

Why should Gays.com members donate?
I chose this way to raise money because I figure even if people do not donate it promotes the work Stonewall do around the world. Some people do not know how easy they have it; there are over 70 countries in the world where being gay is a criminal offence… seven of which can result in the death sentence.

How much do you need to raise to do the jump? What will happen if you don’t reach the target?
My target to raise is a minimum of £500. However, once the jump and training is covered, the charity only get about £200 of this, so the more I can raise the better! If I don’t raise my target I will be very disappointed because it is such a worthy cause… not reaching my target is not an option!

What kind of training will you need for the jump?
I don’t know what training i will receive or how long the fall will last because i’m genuinely too scared to look up the in’s and outs of it!

If you could jump out of a plane with anyone, who would it be and why? :) Hmmm, I think it would be Superwoman… the reasoning behind this is obvious I reckon!

Do you have any other phobias?
My only other phobia is a fear of birds! I’m hoping they’ll be clever enough to get out of my way though! ♥
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• To sponsor Emma’s skydive for Stonewall, please visit her Just Giving page. Remember, every little really does help!

• For more information on Stonewall’s amazing work, visit its website.

• Check out Emma’s Gays.com profile and send your ShoutOut of support!

Post from: Gays.com

Emma’s Stonewall skydive! This Gays.com member is jumping out of a plane for charity!

The gay community were blamed by many for causing Aids and HIV, because of our mostly free attitude towards sex, but mainly I think this was just plain ignorance and bigotry. The word ‘gay’ comes from an abbreviation, meaning ‘Good As You’, but during this time it took on a more meanicing meaning: ‘Got Aids Yet?’

The ads on TV in the UK were quite frightening, ‘Don’t Die of Ignorance… Aids Kills’, with pictures of tombstones. Back then there was no medication available: if you became HIV positive, you died, it was that hard-hitting. The gay community, or rather strength of community, was strong back then; we looked after our own and did fundraising and campaigning long before any goverments got involved. It took a while for people to understand that HIV and Aids didn’t discriminate, that it didn’t just affect our world and community; only people discriminate.

Nobody deserves HIV and I don’t think that anyone goes out to look for it. It’s a bombshell when it happens for most people, gay or straight. I was diagnosed 15 years ago. I thought that was ‘it’, that death was imminent, especially as I have diabetes too. I thought HIV was just HIV, I didn’t realise there are different strains of the virus. It turns out mine is a slow-proggressive strain, which nobody told me about until three years ago when I first started antiretrovirals [or ARVs, the medications that fight HIV].

The side effects were awful the first six months; constant vommiting, loose bowels, the medication reacted against the diabetes, which eventually had to be changed. My current medication is once-daily and seems to be working, but my short-term memory loss is one side effect, which bothers me greatly. People assume that ARVs save you but they don’t; they just help prolong life. They’re not a cure for HIV.

In my eyes and experience, HIV and Aids has not so much been forgotten about, just swept under the carpet, out of sight. We seem to campaign for more awareness towards every other STI. These days, people seem to think that it doesn’t matter if you become HIV positive, that ARVs will save you, keep you alive, like a miracle cure. They do keep the HIV at bay, for a while, but not always, and although there are many combination therapies out there [the different mixtures of drugs available], not all are suitable for the individual and they require strict adherence.

Then there’s the mental health side aspect. A friend of mine once told me, long before I became HIV positive myself, that you died two deaths with HIV; as well as the physical there’s the social one, which causes a lot of stress, angst, depression, loneliness, fear, the constant threat of dying, whereupon you are labelled a ‘poxed up one’, like it’s our own fault, as if anyone of us would knowingly allow ourselves to become infected.

The other thing I learnt, was that HIV positive people don’t want more time for themselves, but the time others can give them, with love, compassion and understanding, especially when they may have been made outcast by so-called family and friends. Nobody should have to die alone and unloved. I have lost many friends over the years to HIV and Aids, which can be very draining. I have no HIV positive friends left; I’ve outlived them.

I saw no point in worrying about my HIV, so I didn’t, just took it on the chin. I went through the dirty, worthless feeling, mostly because of family reaction and innaction, I analysed everything the day I was diagnosed, sitting alone on a pebbled beach… I never cried, never felt remorse… becoming HIV positive gave me a focal point and taught me to appreciate my life. It showed me how precious, how beautiful I am. It taught me life, which is precious for all of us.

I’m upfront about my HIV and I face rejection all the time, but HIV doesn’t bother me, it bothers other people more, which I’ve learnt to deal with. Mentally, what affects me most is losing my friends… 23 funerals in three years… not good. My only responsibility is to protect others from my illness and that’s easy: I’m single and sexually innactive! I’ve still got a lot to learn, I’ve still got a lot to give. I’m not dead yet, thankfully! ♥

What do you think of Carl-david’s story? Please leave your comments below. Is your experience of HIV the same or different. If you want to get in touch with him directly, check out his profile on Gays.com here.

Post from: Gays.com

HIV and me: Gays.com member Carl-david Stottor gives his take on living with the virus

OK, so when we organised our first photoshoot at our office, we knew it was gonna be fun, but we didn’t just know HOW much fun. The plan was to create some new images for the Gays.com Facebook page as well as some other cool shots for our site, but in the end it was so much more than that.

As well as getting some great images, we hung out with some of our local community, made some beautiful new friends, and laughed. A LOT. Oh, and turned the office upside down (sorry, colleagues!).

Kate. Cindi. Naomi. Who are they, sweetie darling? Forget those names. Our sexy models worked it for SEVEN long hours; posing, vogueing, kissing, hugging, even – yes – jumping (they’re a talented bunch). Even that betch RuPaul would have been impressed. :)

So feast your eyes over our ‘behind the scenes’ pix. The complete collection of images will be appearing on our Facebook page so remember to keep checking back and let us know what you think. Thanks to all our fabulous Gays.com models for being so gorgeous, patient, and, er, flexible!

PS. Playing Twister when you’re a bit tipsy can get kinda messy…

Post from: Gays.com

You better WORK! Gays.com models strike a perfect pose at our photoshoot!

What’s a Featured Member?

Every week on our Facebook page we’ll be uploading a new image of a Featured Member that will be pinned to the top of our wall, along with a link to your Gays.com profile page. This will make you instantly visible to anyone that visits our Facebook page. You’ll be the first thing they see! :)

As our Community Assistant Eric is demonstrating so wonderfully below, the image will be a picture of you holding a sign which shows your loves (smiley face), hates (tongue sticking out) and what you’re looking for on Gays.com (magnifying glass). The idea is to give members a quick snapshot of who you are, your hobbies and interests, what you’re looking for, and make it easy to connect with you if they like what they see!

How to be a Featured Member

Taking part is easy! Here is our simple 3-step guide:

1. Print out a copy of the Featured Member sign PDF here. Using the image below as a guide, use the ‘print’ icon on the page to display the PDF and then print; don’t print direct from the  ‘File’ dropdown on your browser or it will print all weird and wonky.

2. Fill in your loves, dislikes and what you’re looking for on Gays.com. Write or draw pictures (nothing dirty though, please)! Use a thick pen so it’s easily readable and write clearly!
3. Take a photo of you holding the sign and looking gorgeous. Make sure it’s high-res, there’s adequate light and clear focus. Save it as a JPG and send it to blog@gays.com with Featured Member in the subject line.
   

And that’s it! We’ll select Featured Members and be in touch to confirm when your image will appear. Please bear in mind that our Facebook page is visible outside of Gays.com, so you must be comfortable with your sexuality and knowing that anyone can view your image and profile. Obviously you need to have a Gays.com profile to take part! :)

OK, we’ll let you go and get creative now! Can’t wait to see what you come up with!

Post from: Gays.com

PSST! Wanna have 1000s of people check out your profile? Just fill in the gaps and you could be a Gays.com Featured Member!

“I met this nice guy recently. He’s a close friend of my sister. It’s so funny; we’ve got a hundred things in common. We both have a Facebook account and I contacted him through this. After a few days chatting online, I got his phone number, and a week later I asked him out for a coffee and he agreed.

“It was a really nice day, with sunshine and showers; that’s normal at this time of the year in Costa Rica. We agreed to go to a popular restaurant near a beautiful park called La Sabana. After a yummy strawberry milkshake and a piece of apple pie with ice cream, we decided to walk through the park. The rain had already stopped and a beautiful orange sky guided our steps. The landscape was so pretty.

“We talked a lot and about everything and my eyes were open to every single detail; the shape of his lips, his tiny eyes and the sound of his voice. One smile, a look, a few words, another smile and a laugh; like an orchestra, our interactions were playing their own song.

“The weather, the landscape and this lovely guy kept my attention and let me ignore the looks from the people nearby, but it certainly stopped my impulse to touch his skin or to hug him in a different way. I felt insecure, like it is to be naked when it’s cold; I felt fear and discouragement to express myself in that way.

“The darkness came and we decided to walk. My hands brushed his and it was like a little electric shock. Then two guys in bicycles shouted at us: ‘Why don’t you both hold hands?’, like it was an insult. I just laughed and said to my friend, ‘Don’t worry, just ignore them’. After all, we both live in a conservative Latin-American country.

“One smile, a look, a few words, another smile and a laugh; like an orchestra, our interactions were playing their own song”

“The day ended after we realised that on a Sunday evening in Costa Rica there aren’t too many interesting things to do and walking around late at night is dangerous because of potential muggings. With a ‘thank you’ for this wonderful afternoon I said goodbye. I explained I wanted to do it again soon and held his hand hard, firmly making the promise to steal a kiss next time.

“Returning back home, questions and answers attacked my mind. Now I understand why in some countries LGBT people sometimes only meet in specific places and how your environment can transform how your behave all the time.

“I was restless and worried. How to change things? What to do? What makes me different? I want to express myself in whatever place I am. I’m a human being too, just like the billions of others out there. And then, I started to write these words…” •

Oscar is now dating the lovely Mario, but please check out his profile to say hi and make friends with him!

What do you think of Oscar’s story? Please leave your comments below. If you’re interested in blogging for Gays.com, please send a proposal of your story idea to blog@gays.com.

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‘Let’s go out! I want to get to know you!’ A beautiful story from Oscar in Costa Rica

We listened to your ideas and promised to donate some cash to an organisation that supports LGBT rights, and, with your valued donations, together we managed to raise a rather nice sum of $1,086! Well. Done. YOU!

Seriously, we know times are difficult (crisis, crisis, bla bla bla…) and really appreciated all of your contributions. But someone who will appreciate them even more will be all the members of the LGBT community that will benefit from your hard-earned pennies. So who are they? After much deliberation, we have finally decided to give the money raised to… DRUMROLL PLEASE…  THE LESBIAN, GAY, BISEXUAL AND TRANSGENDER COMMUNITY CENTER in New York City.

We considered many organisations, but what we love about The Center (as they are also known), is that it works hard at a ‘grassroots’ level to achieve its goals and fulfill its mission. We see Gays.com as a community and family, and The Center acts just like that, too. Its mission is to:

“Provide a home for the birth, nurture and celebration of our organizations, institutions and culture; cares for our individuals and groups in need; educates the public and our community; and empowers our individuals and groups to achieve their fullest potential.”

GREAT! So, what kind of stuff goes on at The Center? Where will your money go? Well, a lot, a lot, A LOT! We’re telling you! And all of it bloody amazing!

• More than 300 LGBT groups use the space
• Supports our community through arts and culture programs
• Offers recovery programs for those struggling with addiction
• Provides HIV/AIDS prevention programs
• Develop life-affirming programs for LGBT youth

Here are just a few examples of some of their projects and success stories:

1) The Center Foster Care Project
The Center’s Foster Care Project works to enhance the lives of LGBT young people in New York City’s Foster Care system. Their interns co-facilitate trainings and share their personal experiences with public officials at the Administration for Children’s Services to ensure that agencies treat LGBT foster youth with respect and dignity.

“Jasmine” (pictured below) is the 21-year-old adoptive mother to her two siblings. Formally a foster child herself, Jasmine connected with the Center’s Youth Enrichment Services (YES) program and found the support she needed to move forward with her life.

She is now interning with The Center’s Foster Care Project where she educates a host of decision makers about the challenges she overcame as a lesbian teenager growing up in the foster system. By sharing her experiences with foster care agencies, Jasmine is changing the lives of hundreds of LGBT kids in the foster care system for the better.

2) The Center Summer Camp
An annual event, the Youth Enrichment Services Summer Community Camp for LGBTQA youth (ages 13 to 22) provides a powerful, week-long gathering where campers learn about themselves, LGBTQ history, ways to keep themselves safe in the face of HIV, and other issues impacting our communities.

The Center’s summer camp continues to develop young LGBTQ people into confident, empowered leaders. For many of the young campers, YES Summer Community Camp is not only their first time outside of New York City, but also the beginning of happier and healthier lives.

One camper, Sarah, said: “Camp completely changed my life. I always heard the stories but never really believed it until I went. I’ve never had an experience that helped me to understand myself as well as camp did. I learned who my true friends are and I also learned what my biggest fears are and how I can start to change that. I cannot wait for next summer.”

3) Trans on the Sands
Every August the Gender Identity Project holds its annual Trans on the Sands event. Last year, at Coney Island Beach, more than 80 attended, including trans and gender non-conforming people, partners, family members and allies. Having a day at the beach is important to this community because it encourages  community members to get out of their homes and enjoy the outdoors and integration into mainstream society. One of the participants was a young woman who traveled all the way from Delaware. She came to introduce herself and to thank The Center for providing her with the support she needed. She said: “Back home we don’t have a place such as The Center, a place where I can just be myself.” Participants were able to connect to these service providers while starting new friendships, once again highlighting The Center’s work to promote health and wellbeing in the LGBT community.

So, there you go! We’re sure you’ll agree that The Center’s work is integral to the LGBT community in NYC and beyond. For more information about its great work, check out the website. If you want to donate, remember every dollar counts! You can do your bit for the community and The Center by giving here.

Thanks community! •

Post from: Gays.com

Receiving is good but giving is GREAT! ;) So who got the Gays.com New Year Wishes donation? (There’s a clue in the picture!)

Part of our mission at Gays.com is to connect you with like-minded members: did you know you can search for members through the Interests/Activities section? Let’s do an example together using pictures, because it’s prettier and so much easier to follow!

1. Within your main profile page, scroll down to the ‘Details’ section and look at your Interests/Activities. Now, if you’ve bothered to take the time to fill out your profile properly, like all good members do (ahem), you’ll see a clickable list of all the things you like and love that make you fabulous. :) So, as the image below shows, I’m interested in Art, Cinema, Film, Flea Markets, Music, Nature, Photography, Swimming, Beach and sunshine, and cinema and visual arts.

2. Click on one of these interests and you’ll then see a list of all, yes, ALL the other members that share the same passion. For example, I’m really into art and I’d like to find new friends to go to galleries with here where I live in Barcelona. By clicking on ‘Art’, a new page loads with every other Gays.com member that has included ‘Art’ as an interest/activity.

3. So, as you can see in the image below, the results page shows that there are 3,256 members that are also into art (we’re a cultural bunch, aren’t we?!) Cleverly (what did you expect?), the search results automatically show members that are closest to you first. This is perfect if, like me, you want to meet people in real time, outside of the web. You can use the ‘Filter’ on the righthand side of the page to then customise results further by gender, orientation, age, country, relationship status, etc.

4. As I’m looking for someone to hang out with and do arty things together, age, gender and orientation are irrelevant, so I’m just going to filter by country and city. I can then see that there are six members in the Barcelona area that are also into art, check out their profiles direct, and send a private message and hopefully connect to start doing things together!

5. OK, so all this is great, but be aware of what you enter in your Interests/Activities section and how it may affect how many other members you can search for. For example, within my interests I’ve included ‘Cinema’, ‘Film’, and ‘Cinema and Visual Arts’. That’s not really necessary (typical greedy me!). By clicking on ‘Cinema and Visual Arts’ I can see there is only one other member with the same interest, and as I’ve already chosen Art as an interest, it’s better to delete this option. Cinema and film are essentially the same (right?) but there are hundreds of members who have selected both of these options so I want to keep both too, so I have more members to search through.

6. Make an effort to review, edit and add to your Interests/Activities section. To edit your interests, go to ‘My Profile’, ‘Edit’ and then click on the ‘About’ tab. Here you can remove and add to the things you originally included when you signed up.

We currently allow you to type in whatever you want in the interests section which is great for showing off your individual personalities and sense of humour. However, you may want to consider adding regular, one-word options such as ‘Photography’, ‘Swimming’, ‘Gym’, ‘Nature’, etc, if you want to search for other members through this method, as these will be more popular.

Also, because we allow you to type in what you want through an autofill form, you may find many variations of the same item, or you may have made spelling mistakes in your entry. Go back and check for any errors you may have made when filling in this field and correct it. Remove any full stops at the end of entries. Only use the capitalised version, etc.

Follow all these tips and you’ll be well on your way to maximising your chances of searching out members with the same interests as you! Phew! Now let me go and get back to my birdwatching! :)

Post from: Gays.com

It’s good to share! How to search Gays.com for members with the same interests as you!

Jainese (also know as NIkki), 25, lives in Texas, USA, and has been with her girlfriend Sara for 11 years. They have two kids, Aiden, a boy aged 2 and a half, and a pitbull named Shorty. :) They love playing in the park and watching Bubble Guppies together. Jainese wanted to be Member of the Month to ‘provide hope for those who think forever isn’t going to happen for them’ :) Here’s her take on bringing up baby…

You have a lovely son called Aiden. How did he come into the world? :)
My girlfriend Sara and I had been trying to conceive via insemination for about a year with no success. My brother and his girlfriend had decided to try for a baby and when they found out they were pregnant, they told us that the baby was for us. It was the best day of our lives!

Did you have to go through any legal formalities to make things official?
We are still going through the adoption process for Aiden. We are saving every penny we have for the adoption. We haven’t completed it as yet, but we do have complete custody of him. In the end it will all be worth it.

Does Aiden’s natural parents have any involvement in his upbringing?
My brother and his girlfriend are aunt and uncle and very much a part of Aiden’s life. They have no harsh feelings towards their choice and we are so thankful for our miracle. When Aiden is old enough, we’ll explain everything to him as we want to be honest with him about everything that has happened. We wouldn’t keep anything like that from him, same as we wouldn’t want him to keep anything important from us.

Did you do a lot of research before you went ahead with parenting?
We have always been mature for our age and we thoroughly enjoy kids. Sara always told me she was destined to be a mommy and I completely agree. She is the best mommy in the world. We are worried about him being made fun of or getting a hard time when he’s older but we are raising him to know no hate. All parents should raise their children to love everybody and their choices. Aiden is definitely different from other kids his age. ‘Stupid’, ‘fat’, homosexual slang terms and other ignorant words kids use – we don’t use those.

What is the best thing about being a mum? :)
The absolute best thing is knowing we are raising him in a house that knows no hate. He looks at people without caring about colour, sex, religion, or sexual orientation. He calls me mom and my girlfriend mommy. Also, knowing that he loves us unconditionally. There is no love like a child’s love.

What were the reactions from family and friends when you announced that you were going to be bringing up Aiden?
We have an amazing family. Both my girlfriend and I were blessed with family and friends who were excited and proud to know that we were going to be parents. Everyone knew we were ready.

And what do you enjoy most?
I enjoy all the hugs and kisses. Aiden is always saying he loves us. He definitely knows he is loved :) I love watching Sara and Aiden together. There really is no bond like a mommy and child bond. They are a gift from God.

What advice would you give to potential parents on Gays.com who are considering parenthood?
Don’t let anybody discourage you about being parents. It is a huge decision and one that should be made with great thought put into it, but when you are ready, you’re ready.

You are also hoping to try for a baby girl soon, a little sister for Aiden. What made you decide to have another child?
Aiden is almost three and we want at least one more child. Sara really wants a girl so I’m hoping we get one. Financially we are stable and have the means to support another child. We’ll be trying for insemination again this time. My brother donates so we know the donor family history. We are very blessed with a family who is so supportive.

We hope you get a girl! You make such a beautiful family! So finally, how is your Gays.com experience?
I joined in the hope to make some friends that understand what we have been through, what we are going through and what we will go through. I’m hoping to make some life-long friends and maybe a few friends for Aiden along the way so that he has kids his age that will grow up going through the things he might go through. It’s a website that knows what we stand for and I love that. •

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What do you think of Jainese’s story? If you have any comments or experiences to share regarding parenthood, please leave them here. :)
If you want to get in touch with Jainese, check out her Gays.com profile!

If you’re interested in being a Gays.com Member of the Month, please send us an email telling us a bit about yourself (including any interesting or unusual hobbies you have) to blog@gays.com and we’ll get back to you. Thanks!

Post from: Gays.com

Our new Member of the Month Jainese helps us celebrate LGBT parenting week!

We’ve also posted a Valentine’s photo album from these images and others to our Facebook page where you can vote for your favourite entry (please do it, as the Top 5 win a goodie bag!). Whether you’ve received a Valentine’s or not, remember that we at Gays.com luv ya loads! MWAH! So, here are your entries…

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And they called it puppy love… DALE WALKER sent in this customised photo. Cute, huh?

DAKOTA LOCKART from Idaho in the US has sent in THREE different pictures… The one with the scapel freaked us out a bit at first, but as Dakota explained: “I’m a nurse in training!” :) Thanks Dakota, we love ‘em!

“Just a day between all the days I have loved you and all the days to come that I will still love you.”

TWEED HARRIS, Melbourne, Australia

MWWAH! JOHN WALLANDER puckered up for this pic… right back at ya! :P SLURP!

We’d love to be SARAH NOCKLEBY’S other half. Look what she’s getting for Valentine’s! As Sarah explained: “I made my girlfriend a book out of an old deck of cards, with a reason on every page why I love her. It took me a long time to make, but it was worth it. I gave it to her early, and she absolutely LOVED it!” Sarah, we ♥ it, too! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

ZOE EVANS must have a whole loada ♥ inside her. She’s definitely got a big heart.. or two, or three, or four…. :)

Gays.com member NILOC NAT sent in this lovely verse and accompanying image. You can check out more of his poetry at his blog, Ice Cream and Rainbows.

Let's take this last dance together...
because i love how dancing with you makes me feel...
and as we dance...i hope you realize that...
i'm always gonna be a dreamer who dreams...

~i think to myself~

what makes me stay when our world falls apart...?
why can't i let go when i've just had about enough...?

~because~

i imagine "us" just like a flower...blossoming as it grows...
if you cut it off ... how beautiful the flower..you'll never know...

~as the music comes to a slow finish~

are we still in a closed hold embrace...?

or did my dreaming heart make a wish...

a wish that came true...
that we are finally face to face...

Until next year…

♥

♥

♥

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Post from: Gays.com

We gotta WHOLE lotta love! The Gays.com creative Valentine’s challenge!

Members can upload their own videos, stories and news which can then be commented on and discussed by other members. The site also has a really useful ‘Categories’ section including things such as Art, Coming Out, Astrology, Sexuality, Spirituality… so you can easily see what your interest is and click straight through to it. Members can they rate the story using a star system to show how useful or enjoyable it was.

So it’s giving you another outlet to share your voice with the rest of the lesbian community. Check it out – basic membership is free – but don’t quit coming back to Gays.com, he he. We’d miss ya too much! :)

Post from: Gays.com

Something cool for you gay girls out there!