Geekologie - Gadgets, Gizmos, and Awesome

(Make A Crappy Bigger On The Inside Joke): TARDIS Corset

Tue, 15 May 2012 18:00:22 -0500

BOWTIE SOLD SEPARATELY. This is a Dr. Who themed TARDIS corset. You cinch it up real good in the back, and it makes you look slimer. "Like the Ghostbuster's pet?" YOU KNOW I MEANT SLIMMER. Etsy seller Corsetwonderland is selling the thing for $225, so if you want it, go and get it before some other busty lady beats you to it. You wanna know what my favorite part about it is? It's one of those corsets that doesn't cover up your taytays. *bouncing manboobs* Isn't that right, guys? You guys like to be free, don't you? Yeah you do. *licks nip, gets hair in mouth* Thanks to Speakerbag, who agrees the best corsets are the ones made out of same material as fairy tales: pure imagination.

Congratulations?: Fan Beats Diablo 3 In 12 Hours, Others Now Doing It In 7

Tue, 15 May 2012 17:00:00 -0500

Because what fun is sitting back and enjoying a game, Korean gamer Yoshichan beat Diablo 3 in 12 hours and 29 minutes with "368 Lifetime Kills, 412 Elite Kills and 168,481 gold as a Barbarian on normal difficulty". Since then, at least two other groups of Korean and Chinese gamers have done it in 7. Wow, this is NOT how you get your money's worth. Just saying, I'm 52 hours into Skyrim and haven't even made it to Whiterun yet. Are there really even dragons in this game? Thanks to Bruiser, who tried to tell me he beat it in six but when I asked for a screenshot he sent me a pic of a dude's wiener.

Nutjob Rides Mountain Bike Down Steps Of A Mountain

Tue, 15 May 2012 15:00:45 -0500

This is a video from the helmet-cam of Marcelo Gutierrez as he barrels down the stairs of Monserrate Mountain in Bogata, Columbia as part of the RedBull Devotos de Monserrate 2012 race. It kind of made me motion-sick to watch. Motion-sick AND feel like a sissy. Because there is no way you could get me to do that. One time I tried riding over the curb onto the street and wound up with a face that looks like overbaked lasagna. Plus two of my teeth went down a sewer. I tried training a neighbor's cat to go down there and get them for me but he said he couldn't find them even though the next day he was sporting this big ol' beaver-looking grin. Hit the jump for the video but maybe line your computer seat with some old newspapers or something first.

World's Oldest Known Cave Art Might Be A Ladycave

Tue, 15 May 2012 14:00:39 -0500

According to scientists who've spent way too much time in the dark studying cave art and not nearly enough time looking at privates, this is the world's oldest known artistic etching. One of a vagina. Personally, I don't see it, and that's saying a lot because I can usually find privates in anything. One time I went cloud-watching and counted OVER 9,000.

The new discovery, uncovered at a site called Abri Castanet in France, consists mainly of circular carvings most likely meant to represent the vulva. The carvings were etched into the ceiling of a now-collapsed rock shelter about 37,000 years ago, researchers reported Monday (May 14) in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

Female genitalia, please, it sounds like you've never seen a naked lady before. Granted I'm no expert on the subject and can only speak from my limited viewing of scrambled Cinemax movies, but that is not a vagina. It looks like an upside-down power symbol. "From 37,000 year ago?" *wink* "Why are you winking at me?" *wink* "Stop it." Aliens, bro. Meet me after dark and I'll tell you everything they did to me. Thanks to Joey and lovehandles, who weren't surprised at all to discover the first thing a human drew was a vagina. Really? I thought it would have been a wiener. They're so weird but so fun to doodle!

Emo Eye-Covering Haircuts Causing Lazy-Eye Epidemic

Tue, 15 May 2012 13:00:44 -0500

In news that shouldn't surprise anyone who's worn an eyepatch for a week straight pretending to be a pirate, doctors in Australia are now claiming a haircut that covers one of your eyes makes that eye lazy because it doesn't do anything but stare at your stupid hair all day long.

Optometrists Association of Tasmania education director Andrew Hogan warned that amblyopia, the medical term for lazy eye, can result from obstructed vision caused by hair. "If a young emo chap has a fringe covering one eye all the time, that eye won't see a lot of detail," he said. "And if it happens from a young age, that eye can become amblyotic."

Want a cool emo haircut but not a lazy eye in ten years? Here's what you do: punch yourself in the face as hard as you can. Don't stop until you don't want the haircut anymore. Thanks to bb, who agrees the best kind of haircuts are the ones that make your hair smell good. No? That's the shampoo and conditioner? I did not know that.

Destruction!: Sixty 1,000-Piece Domino Walls Collapsing

Tue, 15 May 2012 12:00:48 -0500

Man, if there's one thing I love it's destruction. Sometimes I build a whole bunch of those crappy little birdhouse kits just so I can smash them to pieces with a hammer. It's a sickness -- one I have zero interest in curing. This is a time-lapse video of Youtuber Flippycat building sixty 990-piece (I lied in the title!) domino walls over the span of 65-hours, then knocking them all down. I noticed in the video Flippy uses a big plexiglass wall to protect the other towers from crumbling while he's working on the most recent one. That's probably smart. It's also probably cheating. I demand a do-over! Hit the jump for the rainbow of destruction.

Lookin' Good, Grandpa!: An Imperial Walker Walker

Tue, 15 May 2012 11:00:57 -0500

In "things you'll wish were real when you're 85" news comes this Imperial Walker walker for old people who need a little support getting around. Me? I need a lot of support. So much I have to go to groups for the stuff. Man, I have got PROBLEMS. "No f***ing kidding you do." My therapist says it isn't about who's to blame, but this is clearly all your fault. I'll kill you! *stab stab stab* Thanks to The Sass Queen, whose bad side you DO NOT want to get on unless you like that fresh 'you just got the shit sassed out of you' feeling.

Guy Builds Appropriately Proportioned Mario Kart IRL

Tue, 15 May 2012 10:00:07 -0500

This is MIT grad student Charles Guan and his Chibikart, a 26MPH electric go-cart inspired by the ones from everyone's favorite N64 drinking game, Mario Kart. Now I'm not sure what 26MPH feels like when you're that close to the ground with nothing between your face and a wall except your own knees, but my guess is invigorating. Reminds me of the first time I was ever shot out of a cannon. I wound up in the hospital with three broken ribs, two broken arms, and one giant f***ing smile. Don't tell my mom, but I'd do it again in a heartbeat. Hit the jump for a video of Charles speeding around in the thing like he's trying to win Rainbow Road.

"World's First" Aquarium With Concealed Flatscreen

Mon, 14 May 2012 18:00:54 -0500

Get down from there! Who do think you are, Jesus? Want a flatscreen television that rises from a secret nook inside an aquarium? Of course you do, you're the world's richest person living in a 350-square foot apartment that just doesn't have room for both aquarium AND television. Enter Picture House's £7,000 (~$9,000) TV Tank. I...think I'll stick to a fishbowl. No, no I won't, but I bet you could stick magnets to me like a fridge because I accidentally ate like 200 of my girlfriend's iron pills yesterday thinking they were candy. Plus a week's worth of birth control. Nobody's putting a baby in this ass! Besides, if you have a fishtank, you don't NEED a television. Just enough weed until the fish start talking. LOL, you guys are better than Seinfeld. Thanks to Jackie, who sent me this as a press release. BOOM -- PRESS RELEASED.

Smell Like A Bar, DOWN THERE: Whiskey Flavored Lube

Mon, 14 May 2012 17:00:33 -0500

This is an actual whiskey flavored lube from the gluttons over at Epic Meal Time. Apparently they're convinced whiskey is a desirable smell to have smeared all over your privates. SPOILER: It's not. Unless you're in a relationship with another manly dude (I'm thinking a gay biker/bear type here), chances are your lover doesn't want your junk smelling like f***ing whiskey. Piña colada, absolutely, but only because piña colada is the best smell in the world, especially for car air fresheners. Thanks to everyone who sent me this. And an extra special thanks to everybody who didn't.

Zelda Medley Performed On Banjo And Musical Saw

Mon, 14 May 2012 16:00:16 -0500

This is a medley of Zelda songs being performed by Geekologie Reader Falcor T. Luckdragon and his two man ensemble Frontier Ruckus on the banjo and musical saw, with some melodica (the little keyboard you blow into) action towards the end. Now granted I didn't recognize any of the songs, but that's only because they were impossible to focus on since my computer has a virus and keeps popping up with auto-playing ads for penis pills. Ugh, of COURSE I feel inadequate, but I'm still not crazy enough to order dong pills from a malicious ad on the internet! "Be honest." Well, not again anyways. Hit the jump for more moonshine swiggin' good ol' boy action than you could swing a broken Budweiser bottle at.

You Didn't Know?: The Easter Island Heads Have Bodies

Mon, 14 May 2012 15:00:00 -0500

In incredibly old news (my favorite kind!), the giant stone heads on Easter Island have bodies. I'm sure a lot of you already knew that, because, like me, you had a subscription to National Geographic back when it was still socially acceptable to buy the magazine for the exotic nudes. For the rest of you, this might come as a surprise. But, come on -- did you actually think aliens would take the time to come to earth and carve giant stone heads and NOT give them bodies? That's ridiculous. Hit the jump for some closeups of the excavated bodies.

George Lucas Exacts Revenge On Neighbors For Not Allowing Him To Build Production Studio In Backyard

Mon, 14 May 2012 14:00:55 -0500

George Lucas owns a big chunk of land in Marin County, California and has been trying to build a 300,000-square foot, 350 employee production studio on it for several decades. Unfortunately for him, his rich neighbors and members of the homeowner's association have been all, "Oh hell no -- you're not producing those turdy films of yours in our backyard" and shut him down every time. Finally, George has given up on his plan for the studio, and instead wants to build a development of low-income housing on the land as a big ol' F*** YOU to his neighbors.

Despite the promise of bringing $300 million worth of economic activity to the area, the already-well off neighbors are worried about years' worth of construction activity and the additional foot traffic it will bring into their neighborhood once completed. He wants to transform the property into low-income housing, naturally, ending their official statement with this zinger, "If everyone feels that housing is less impactful on the land, then we are hoping that people who need it the most will benefit." He's working with the Marin Community Foundation to instead construct affordable housing for either low-income families or seniors living on small, fixed incomes. In order to smooth along the development, he's already given them all of the pricey technical studies and land surveys Lucasfilm spent years conducting.

Oh man, if there's one thing rich people can't stand, it's poor people. Poor people and bad caviar. And poor people? Poor people hate being poor. Except some of them. Some of them don't mind, but those are the crazy homeless ones. They're too busy talking to invisible people to worry about their financial deficit. Thanks to Evil Ares, who's so evil he would have just filled the land with cattle until the shit smell drove the neighbors out.

Taste The Rainbow: Glass Gem Corn Looks Like Candy

Mon, 14 May 2012 13:00:46 -0500

This is Glass Gem Corn. It's a corn varietal with different colored kernels. I would have called it Rainbow Corn myself, but that's just me and I'm way better at naming things than some people. *ahem* Adam and Eve! The corn may look like candy, but there's no way it tastes as good but is probably DECENT lathered in melted butter and rolled around in your mashed potatoes for good measure.

Seeds Trust, a family seed company, got the seeds for glass gem corn from Greg Schoen who got his seeds from his "corn-teacher", Carl Barnes, an 80ish year old part-Cherokee man, in Oklahoma.

You know what's even better than Glass Gem Corn? Glass Shard Corn. It's perfect for when you're cooking for your enemies. TONIGHT, WE DINE IN HELL! Jk jk, in the garage at the kid's table my mom set up. Hit the jump for a couple more shots of the undigestible rainbow.

Crossing Swords: Tiniest Bathroom Packed With 8 Urinals

Mon, 14 May 2012 12:00:52 -0500

This is the men's public restroom in the Celestial Heights residential building in Hong Kong. They managed to (legally) pack eight urinals into a 2.5-square meter (~27-square foot) bathroom. Could you actually pee without seeing another man's dangle? Not a chance, not even if you're the only one in there. You know what I hate? The bathrooms with a giant mirror running the length of all the urinals. How are you supposed to NOT make eye contact with another man with his peen in his hand? Exactly -- close your eyes and pray to the goddess of aim. Oh heavenly Urethra, please guide my stream to the urinal and not my khakis. Thanks to ShroomNZ, who only pees in empty restrooms with lockable doors. SAME.