What do you do if you feel you’ve gone beyond the point of caring to try to establish a relationship with someone? Basically, what can you do when you’ve been dateless for so long that you can no longer remember your last one (seriously) and no longer care either (even more seriously)?

- Meh

Dear Meh,

This question makes me very sad.  In fact, Meh, I want to hug you.

I’m going to give a little advice here, but my big advice is that you really should find a professional to discuss this with you.  When I was suffering from depression a little over a year ago, I was surprised to find that my health insurance covered visits to a mental health professional.  Even if yours doesn’t, many therapists have a sliding scale for payment so you can pay what you can afford.

My advice is this:  If you can honestly and truly say you don’t care about dating, then don’t trouble yourself over the fact that you’re single.  Our society presses upon us that we are worthless if we’re not coupled up, and if we’re coupled up, we’re worthless if we’re not married, and if we’re married, we’re worthless if we’re not reproducing.

It doesn’t have to be that way.

Find an activity that gives you the warm and fuzzy feeling of human companionship without the romantic love component.   Help serve meals at the homeless shelter.  Serve as a mentor for a struggling student.   Train your pet to be a therapy animal and bring him to nursing homes to cheer up the residents.  Scoff at the idea that romantic love is necessary to have a fulfilling life.

(As someone who grew up in Catholic schools, I can say that I met some VERY HAPPY and fulfilled nuns who had never been on a date in their lives! Of course, then there was Sister Mary Martha… *shiver*)

Make your mark on the world in a way that means something to you.  Leave a legacy you can be proud of.   If romantic love finds you in that process, then great.  If not, no biggie.  You’ve done something worthwhile nonetheless.

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2. Dear Anon-O-Box: It’s Only Kinky The First Time Dear Anon-

You’ve been pondering hiring me for months now.  You’re tired of being single, of having no dates or crappy dates, of your online dating profile getting no views.

It doesn’t have to be that way!

Click here, choose your package, and use code JULY4 to get 25% off.   The sale only lasts through Monday, so your choices are to do it now while you’re at work  or after that 4th of July cookout where you’ll have to see all the lovey-dovey couples you know.

You deserve love, geek friend.  Let me help you get it.

This post is totally unique! There's not another one like it!

Congratulations to lucky number 30 – James Harris! Shoot me an email (e at geeksdreamgirl dot com!) with your address and I’ll pop it in the mail for you!

Sad that you didn’t win?

Stay tuned next week for a chance to win the 4e Eberron Players Guide!

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I’m a major fan of Harry Potter, and I’m eagerly awaiting opening night for the sixth movie.  I’ve been to at least one midnight book release party, and I intend on getting a Hogwarts Express at some point for my Christmas tree.

It wasn’t always like this, however.  I once said I would never read Harry Potter, because it was a cult (cult meaning obsessive fandom, not anything religious).  The first three or so books had taken the world by storm, and I barely knew anything about it, although I admitted it would have been right up my alley at ten years old.

Then I saw the first movie.  I was entranced, and read the first book.  It was good, but I wasn’t hooked just yet, and I decided I’d read each subsequent book after the film.  Fast forward to one year later: the second movie comes out, I read the second book… and the third… and the fourth… all in 24 hours.

I don’t know why I get so stubborn when “everyone” loves something.  My sister and brother-in-law tried to get me to watch Firefly for probably more than a year, but they were so gung-ho about it that it turned me off.  Eventually I caught it when some friends were doing a mini-marathon, and guess what?  It was a great series.  I loved it.

I could say that over-zealous fans turn me off, but I didn’t actually know any of the Harry Potter sort before I read the series; and besides, who am I to judge someone for taking joy in their fandom?  At any rate, whether it was young rebellion or a bit of sf snobbery, I’ve made an effort to take more suggestions over the years.

What about you?  What have you come to love despite your best efforts?

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• Drury Inn – free WIFI, pretty decent breakfast, no complaints!
• Wearing my GDG “Are you single?” shirts has gotten me some attention and queries.  (Oh, and a few confused looks.)
• Played a ton of Dominion with the new expansion, Intrigue.
• Went to two Monte Cook sessions and then to lunch with Monte Cook, who is a really great guy.
• Attempted the RPGA’s Ultimate Dungeon Delve and failed.  Vowed we’d have our revenge.
• Hung out in the Looney Labs Big Experiment and played lots of Are You The Traitor?
• Drooled over exhibit hall stuff, especially Dwarven Forge dungeon tiles and adorable stuffed animals.

On to the second half of the tale!

Friday Night / Wee Hours of Saturday Morning:

Got together on IMs with Graham of Critical Ankle Bites who helped me build the ultimate rogue, a drow named Stabbie McRogue.  (McRogue is a very common drow surname, I’ll have you know.  In fact, it’s not just for rogues.  There are a few in the McRogue clan who are clerics by trade!)

Went to bed happy and ready to conquer the Ultimate Dungeon Delve!

Saturday:

Woke up semi-early and headed to the RPGA’s session on building Villains and NPCs.   I was feeling pretty antsy/ADD, but DaveTheGame totally took notes and will put something up on Critical-Hits for you.   In this session, we learned that Gelatinous Cubes are not politically ambitious, there’s always room for hot feywild action, gnome politians with wererat flunkies are sexy, and that your big villain should not be the Cobra Commander.

Oh!  We also heard a tasty rumor that the improvments to DDI’s DMing tools were coming soon.  (No, I don’t know how soon.  No, I don’t know the specifics.)

After that session, we popped into the Looney Labs Big Experiment and saw some giant furry Icehouse pieces before heading out to the food court for lunch.

So I’m in line at the BBQ place to get a sandwich and the girl behind me strikes up a conversation.  Turns out she’s from the d20 Girls Project and is working at their booth in the exhibit hall.  She said the guys were always asking her and the other girls if they were single, so it would be great if they could give the guys my card.  SWEET!  I gave her a stack.

Then – the guy on the other side of me is like “Hey, do you have cards over at the RPG LARP table?”  …and he offers to take some to display over there!  Double sweet!

Best time ever spent in a fast food lunch line!

Over lunch, the procrastinators in our group are rolling up their characters on their laptops.  Then we head over to the RPGA room to print the characters and get ready for our rematch on the Ultimate Dungeon Delve!

Stabbie was totally ready to kick ass!  We got a new DM who was really cool and fun.   And fast!  I’ll let DaveTheGame tell you DMing junkies all the stuff this guy did to make combat go quickly.

To review, the Ultimate Dungeon Delve has 6 encounters which must be completed in 45 minutes or less by a team of 5 PCs.  If you go over time on one encounter, you are out.  Most groups weren’t getting past encounter 2 or 3.

We finished encounters 1 and 2 with plenty of time to spare (since they were the same ones we’d attempted the first time – metagaming ftw!).   Encounter 3 was the tough one – but we had 2 minutes left on the clock when the last baddie went down.   Encounter 4 was hilarious (and frustrating!) because Stabbie was dominated for 5 rounds.  Yeah, I failed THAT MANY SAVES.   Ugh!  It was horrible.   In the fifth encounter, our fighter (*cough* DaveTheGame *cough*) ran across a bridge that busted and left him on one side of the chasm and us on the other.  Luckily, we still won in the end.

Anyway, we got to the final encounter, but not before finding a clue about curing some affliction or something.  (I was still cursing my d20s over the whole domination incident.)  And OMG, there’s a big silver dragon attacking us!   When the dragon started doing claw frenzy I was thinking, “Okay, it’s been fun, but we’re totally f’ed here.“   Stabbie went down and used her very last healing surge thanks to the cleric.

The fun part about the last encounter is that it was a fight/skill challenge.  So we were like, okay, we know something about a cure, so let’s see if we can figure it out.   Y’know, while we fight off the dragon and his buddies.

We’re smart cookies, so we manage to concoct the solution to the dragon’s curse.  But how are we going to get the dragon to eat it?  STABBIE TO THE RESCUE!   Stabbie made a flying ninja leap up on the dragon’s back and force-fed it the cure (while hanging on for dear life with her 9 hit points and zero healing surges).

Witness the awesome:

We won!  There was much hooting and hollering and people coming over.  We each got to pick out a D&D book and seeing as I have all of them already, I’m going to run a contest to pick someone to win my extra copy of the Eberron Player’s Guide.

For those folks attempting the Ultimate Dungeon Delve we recommend strikers!  Lots of them!  Ongoing damage is for pansies.  Upfront damage for the win.

I have to say, playing competitive D&D is exhausting!  It’s really intense and by the end, I was ready for a nap.  We had some dinner and DaveTheGame went to cover the Origins Awards and I went back to the hotel to chill.

Well, I thought I was going to chill.  I ended up having to deal with issues with my web host suspending my account due to CPU overload.  Upgraded to WP 2.8 and now crossing fingers for more up-time.

Sunday:

So sad that it was the last day, but I was sooooo pooped and cranky that it was probably a good idea to go home.

We did the last tour of the exhibit hall.  I got my Chibithulhu (thanks, DaveTheGame!).  Since people were interested when I tweeted about the status flags from Dark-Platypus Studio, I went back to take some more pictures.  DaveTheGame recorded some audio of the guy talking about them, which I’ll link as soon as he has it ready!

In the meantime, more pics:

If you don’t have a magnetic battle map (which you can buy from Dark-Platypus as well!), you can use stickytack to affix the flag to the base of the mini.

Got a ton of lizardmen and no way to keep track of them? Each flag has a number, so your players can say “I attack #6 with my Sly Flourish!“   The flags are magnetic and stick to the top of the pole so you can keep stacking up conditions if need be.

What’s also great about the flags vs. the colored magnetic discs is that these don’t mess with each other.  If you’ve ever had minis pushing each other around the battlemap due to polarity issues, you know what I mean here.

I also bought a pretty ring from Tomas the Lapidary.   If we have any geek or Rennie ladies looking for a man, Tomas is single and he can make you tons of pretty silver jewelry!

At last, it was time to pack up the car and drive home.  I’m still recovering today, but am looking forward to GenCon even more!

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Aside from the ubiquitous Ahnold one-liners that make me groan, I really liked the film.  And it got me thinking: in many respects, short stories often make better fodder for films than do novels, especially in the realm of sf.

One of the main problems in developing a sf novel for film has to do with world-building.  A sf or fantasy novel often deals in totally foreign environments that are very specific.   The author spends a certain amount of effort creating a setting; the idea is to envelop the reader in this new world. If the author and the reader don’t share exactly the same vision, that’s okay; no one will ever know. in a short story, words are more often reserved for advancing the plot.

When a filmmaker attempts to create an alien world, they’re often asking for trouble – whether it’s because of the limitations of the technology or budget, or because their vision clashes with longtime readers.  Those who have been convincingly enveloped in their own vision are often jarred when a movie isn’t how they always envisioned it.

Similarly, the pacing of a novel – especially an epic tale of 200,000 words or more – doesn’t always lend itself to the pacing of a good movie, and tough decisions must be made in the adaptation.   Inevitably, someone’s “favorite part” gets left out (Tom Bombadil, anyone?).

When it comes to movies, a short story is more like the broad strokes of a painting, ready to be filled in. That’s not to say that short stories can’t be memorable or evocative, but there’s often less details to quibble about. Whereas a movie might have to condense a few extraneous characters into one or cut a subplot altogether from a novel, there’s usually no such problems with a short story.  A few words of description can become something much more – it might not match with the reader’s vision, but they’re typically less invested in a short story.

In essence, with a short story a movie can typically add, whereas in a novel someone is often forced to subtract.  There are exceptions to everything, of course, as well as the occasional movie that is actually better than the source material altogether (I prefer the movie version of Jurassic Park, though I wish they had left in the bit about the triceratops and gizzard stones) .

I do think it’s strange that short stories are becoming less popular at the same time as Hollywood seems to be needing more and more original inspiration.  Next time I complain about yet another sequel or remake (I hear they’re remaking Footloose), perhaps I should pick up an anthology or a magazine subscription!

Do you have any favorite short stories that you’d like to see in movie form (mine is “The Veldt”)?  Any adaptations, of novel or short story, that strike you as particularly wonderful or terrible?

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This was my first time attending Origins and I am having a blast (and am totally pooped!!).  I have been tweeting a LOT during the weekend, so this is the recap of the stuff I tweeted about (and possibly some more).

Wednesday:

Drove up from MD to OH with DaveTheGame and our friend Jacob.   Long drive made fun by Jacob’s fast driving, saluting police cruisers, and The Driving Quiz.

Got semi-lost downtown trying to find the Drury Inn, but finally arrived, checked, in, and passed out.

Thursday:

Woke up way earlier than my normal wake-up time!  (Working from home spoils a girl!)  Donned my pink “Are you single?” Geek’s Dream Girl t-shirt and headed to pick up our press badges.  Hilarity ensued when the press badge lady had two badges for  Geek’s Dream Girl.com – one that said “E. Foley” and the other that said “E (needs rest of name) Fole.“  While the latter would be awesomesauce, I settled on the former.

Did a whirlwind tour of the exhibit hall. DaveTheGame was on a mission to pick up all the games he had worked on or playtested, so our first stop was Z-Man Games to pick up a copy of Arabian Nights.  It’s a choose your own adventure board game set in the 1001 Arabian nights era.  The box is seriously 8 pounds, mostly due to the huge story book.

He also picked up the expansion to Dominion, called Intrigue.  We played a TON of Dominion on Thursday.  Probably at least 5 hours worth?  The only time I won was at the very end of the night (technically early Friday morning) on the very LAST game we played, when I was half asleep.  What does this say about me?  No clue.

I got a high five from a lady who said she loved my t-shirt and my geek matchmaking mission.  That was pretty cool.

We went to Monte Cook’s talk on being a better DM, which sadly, wasn’t very well-attended due to it not really being on the schedule.  DaveTheGame transcribed the whole thing, so you can read it by clicking here.   Learn about the DM as “facilitator of the fun” and how to scare people when you’re running a horror game.

Second t-shirt interaction was with a guy from Monte’s talk.  He was like “I love your site, especially that article you didn’t write.“  Okay, he didn’t say that exactly.  But he said his favorite article was the one Pace & Kyeli wrote about great dates in Austin, TX since he’s also a Texan.

We were planning on doing the RPGA’s Ultimate Dungeon Delve event with some friends of DaveTheGame’s.  I was the Goliath Barbarian (rawr!) and DaveTheGame had done up all the character sheets in Character Builder (so they’d be RPGA legal and all purdy).  Turns out, over dinner we realized my character had no armor or weapons.  Oops.  Luckily, DaveTheGame’s friends brought a printer with them (wha?), so that saved the day.

We sadly did not defeat the UDD.  We got very close but needed more damage dealers (especially ones useful against undead).  Plans were made to re-attempt the UDD another day with new characters.

We popped into the Looney Labs Big Experiment to play some of their awesome new game Are You the Traitor?.  If you like Werewolf, you will like this game.  It’s really fun.  Then we played Dominion until it was time to go to bed.

Friday:

With no big plans for the morning, DaveTheGame and I slept in until 9:30-10ish.   I donned my blue GDG t-shirt (sensing a theme?) and we headed out to the convention center to get breakfast, mill around a bit, and then go to Monte Cook’s session on dungeon design.

On the way, I got flagged down by the dude in the information booth.  I had been putting stacks of my business cards there, so my first thought was “Oh crap, he’s gonna tell me I can’t put stuff there.“   But it turned out that he was interested in learning more about what I do because people who were picking up the cards were asking HIM questions about me.  He wanted to know more so he could give people more information.  Ha!  Totally cool.  Info booth guy for the win!

So, Monte Cook, round 2!  He talked a lot about dungeons as flowcharts, being sure to describe choices to players so they can make informed decisions, and the fact that Bruce Cordell is the type of player who likes to open every door, no matter what the consequence.  I also have a totally awesome, totally out-of-context quote:

“Don’t read Dungeon Magazine.” – Monte Cook

The context:   Someone had asked how to deal with players who have read the published adventure you are running.   That quote was part of the answer, but I threatened to tweet it totally out of context to see what would happen.  But I’m a good girl (swinging toward true neutral rather than neutral evil lately), so I gave you the whole story.

I’ll link to DaveTheGame’s report on the dungeon design talk as soon as he posts it.

All this talk of DMing has me itching to try my hand at it again.  Not sure what I want to do, tho.  Maybe Eberron.  We’ll see.

Had a great lunch with Monte Cook, DaveTheGame, and a nice couple we met at Monte’s session.  Many geek jokes were had and burgers were consumed.

Toured the exhibit hall for the second time.  DaveTheGame and I are drooling over the Dwarven Forge 3-D dungeon tiles.  They are absolutely gorgeous.    I spent time for the second day hugging this cute little guy and pondering buying him.  I took pictures of some things that looked neato like the Trojan Bunny, scary sci-fi mechanical spiders, and a dead guy next to fresh flowers.

We spent a good deal of time over at Bucephalus Games’ booth since DaveTheGame is good friends with one of the guys who runs it.  I fell in love with this little guy, who looked to be either rat-thulu or perhaps a rat mindflayer.   We picked up a bunch of games, a rat, and pre-ordered Oh My God! There’s an Axe in my Head!, which wins for best game name ever.

DaveTheGame bought me a pretty pink Looney Labs hippie flower.  Also awesome is the fact that a guy came up to us, asked DaveTheGame if he was my boyfriend, and then asked him how he felt about me wearing an “Are you single?” t-shirt.   So funny.

I really liked Platypus Studio’s status display flags.  They also had cool bendy dungeon walls.  The flags were VERY cool for 4e stuff.  Right now, we use magnetic circles of various colors, which sometimes means characters are 5 feet in the air by mid-encounter.   These flagpoles can stick to magnetic battlemaps (like on their display) or you can use stickytack to stick them to the mat or the mini’s base.    The flags stick to the magnetic pole and can tell you the ID# of the monster (useful if you’re fighting many of the same mini) and all status conditions.   Very nifty.

Nommed on some tasty Ethiopian food for dinner and Jeni’s ice cream for dessert.  Currently chilling in my hotel room, doing a bit of business online and rolling up a rogue so we can try the Ultimate Dungeon Delve again tomorrow!

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How do you suggest someone approach an interest they consider virtually a requirement in a long-term partner, but which are not really appropriate to include in an online dating profile? An example that comes to mind is a strong interest in BDSM.

- Kinky Is The Whole Chicken

Dear Kinky Chicken,

For starters, good for you for knowing what you want from life and love!  You would not believe the amount of people who keep their inner desires pent up, marry someone they’re incompatible with, and then end up totally miserable.  You, sir, are to be commended for your honesty.

So, about that profile…

You have a few options here.  The first option is to put your online dating profile on a site that caters to people of similar interests.   Then you can be as open and direct as you want about the type of person you want to date and nobody will bat an eyelash.

The second is to go to a “traditional” online dating site that caters to the more adventurous crowd.  OkCupid seems to have a more than healthy dose of alternative relationships, including folks interested in BDSM, trinogamy, polyamory, the whole lot.

The third way is the harder way, but if you are hellbent on using a big dating service, it’s the only way to go.   Since even vanilla folks shouldn’t mention sex in their online dating profile, you really can’t either.  What you can do is search for people who show the hallmarks of having an open mind to such things.

I’ll be the first to say this doesn’t work 100% – I’ve been shocked myself when people I thought I knew well admitted to doing interesting things behind closed doors.   However, you can usually weed out the people you know wouldn’t be interested.

If you are looking for people who could be persuaded to join your lifestyle, then I’d recommend going on a few dates with someone and feeling them out to see if they’d be an appropriate match for you.

If you want someone who is experienced (or at least very interested) in the lifestyle, then you have to be open to being rejected and insulted by people who won’t “get it” if you’re using a traditional dating site.

Because of this, I’d recommend not sharing pictures right away if you’re using a traditional dating site to find BDSM partners.   (Besides, if you’re the D, it’s your right to only share what you want!)  Once you share about your interest to someone via email, you can never be entirely sure how they’re going to react.  The last thing you want is your match.com photos plastered all over town with the headline “SEX OFFENDER!”  (Because really, there are people who are that stupid.)

Sadly, there’s no straight answer for this question.  If there are folks from the BDSM community reading this who can give us some real-life examples of how they handle online dating, we’d be happy to hear from you in the comments!

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With summer approaching, and with it, barbeques, fireworks and get-togethers, I thought I would share one of my favorite board games: Lunar Rails.

Lunar Rails, by Mayfair Games, is one in a series of crayon-rail games.  Essentially, you build an empire by drawing railroad tracks on a laminated map with erasable crayons.  There’s something magical about this combination;   I get to use strategy at its most evil, and yet my inner child is happily coloring away.

Some may feel that once you’ve played one crayon-rail game, you’ve played them all, but I like Lunar Rails better for two major reasons:

• It’s a map of the moon, not, say, China, so it’s a sphere – you have the Near Side and the Far Side, and they’re connected.  Woe to the person who forgets that.
• It’s the freaking MOON!  I’m automatically happier with the sf theme.  Something about it reminds me of Heinlein’s juvenile novels, like Red Planet.

I’m warning you now, these games tend to be more fun if there’s at least one person in the group who’s played one before – that way it keeps the pace from dragging too much.  That being said, I have the most fun when it’s a silly group of people who don’t care about the pace, cursing those who cut them off and swiping other’s crayons.  As with any game, try not to take it too seriously.

I realized it’s actually been a few years since I’ve bought a new board game, and I’m dying for suggestions!  What are your favorites?

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“Nobody’s writing me!” you whine.  “Not only that, nobody’s even VIEWING ME! What am I doing wrong?”

Tired of being that guy going to movies alone?  Here are a few tips to make your profile more clickable.

Check Your Username

If your username is boring or sends the wrong message, people won’t even click to read your profile.  They’ll pass by your name in the search results.  Pick a unique and fun username that gives an idea of who you are or what you like to do.  Make it catchy!  On Match.com, you can change your username in less than a minute, so you have no excuse!

Get Your Picture “Girl Approved”

Guys, do not trust yourself when picking your best photo.  When left to your own devices, you usually pick the picture that scares girls.  If you doubt me, please check out my Deadly Sins series where I’ll show you what you’re putting as your “best face forward.”

Find a girl that you trust and ask her which picture is the best.  Don’t have a girl you trust?  All of my online dating help packages have a photo critique included!  (Just need the critique? Order a half hour consultation from the a la carte page.)

What’s Your Headline?

Your headline also determines whether or not you get clicked.  If your username is meh (strike one!), and your picture is meh (strike two!), you will get clicked if you have an awesome headline.   If your headline is less that stellar, strike three, yer out.

Keep your headline fresh by making a reference to the current season!

The Last Bit…

Be sure to start strong! Most dating sites will show the first few lines of your dating profile in the search results.   Assuming two profiles have equally interesting usernames, default pictures, and headlines, which one would you click?

I’m really not sure what I’m doing here, but everybody tells me that I should try online dating.  My sister met her husband here, so I guess it works.

…or…

I cannot wait for my July vacation!  My friends and I are renting a house on the beach and we’re going to spend the whole week surfing.

Take a hard look at your profile, geek friends.  What can you do to make it more clickable?

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