“You’re wrong. It’s a ton of fun.” The first thing I hear when I share my opinion. “You just don’t get it,” usually comes next, “Fez is amazing.” But therein lies the problem, because I do get it. It’s been completely gotten. Fez is amazing for so many reasons, but I don’t enjoy playing it. I think that’s where the distinction needs to be made — I appreciate Fez for everything it does so well. Does that mean I have to like it?

The creation of a 2.5D world where horizontal movements exist in a z-axis is brilliant. The often deeply intellectual puzzles and sense of humor, the quaint visual style and excessive fan service, it all combines to form an irrefutable charm that makes Fez a remarkable little title. Still, I don’t want to play it.

I think it’s healthy to have an appreciation for parts of the whole despite not actually caring for the whole itself. Why do the two have to be mutually exclusive? In my defense, I generally try to drum up an analogy to clarify my point; something relatable.

“Look. It’s like exercise, right? On paper exercise is awesome: it conditions the body, improves the quality of life and even prolongs your life at that higher quality. It’s just awesome.. on paper. In reality exercise is like, it’s just.. it’s just the worst ever. Yet we still do it, because we appreciate what it does, despite how much it’s seriously, just so, so terrible.”

When we’re all in agreement, I shift gears, bringing it back to Fez. “So to me, that game is like exercise. I appreciate what it is and everything it does but I don’t enjoy it.”

Of course there are times that we’re not all in agreement. Where somebody in the conversation is one of those rare masochists who actually enjoys the act of exercise for more than just the promised perks, to which the analogy is completely lost. I secretly applaud these people even though I have no right to do so. Because to me, what seems like an unattainable marriage of enjoyment with what is very clearly the worst necessity ever, is simply a positive experience for them; not worthy of merit or praise.

That’s the beauty of Fez. It lives somewhere between the begrudged acceptance that I must elevate my heart rate for 20-60 minutes a day and another’s blissful enthusiasm over the same truth. What I enjoy is not what she enjoys is not what he enjoys, but we can all respect the underlying value in it. I’m certain I’ll never play Fez again, but I’m equally certain that I’ll find myself singing its praises, for everything I appreciate about it.

– Warning: Here be history –

On the cover of the latest Game Informer, we see an image of the newest descendant, confirming the setting of Assassin’s Creed 3 will take place during the American Revolution.  The figure itself is dressed in period attire, but the most interesting aspect of the design is the Native American elements that adorn the character.  Historically speaking, the Native American presence in the War of Independence was split three ways, depending on their motives and desire for involvement.  While most tribes chose to remain neutral, if only at first, those that took up arms did so for varying reasons.

Some tribes opted to assist the British forces, in the hopes that a victory over the Colonists would stem the tide of increasingly aggressive colonial expansion.  Others found themselves allying with British and Loyalist forces after the anti-Indian sentiment of some colonists boiled over into violence and bloodshed against the Native American peoples.

Others found themselves joining the cause of the settlers, volunteering as minutemen in local militias and serving as guides through the rugged, untamed wilderness.  This was primarily based in areas where trade between the Native American presence and the settlers was prosperous, though these instances were fewer in number.

Given that the protagonist is both positioned in front of the Colonial Flag (and poised to hatchet the face of a British Redcoat on the box art,) it’s a safe bet he is an agent for the Patriots, in some capacity.  If we look at his positioning of the image, we can see he is ahead of a Patriot army, indicating he is acting as some sort of guide or scout – a role Native Americans regularly played during the war.  Hopefully we see some layers of motivation surrounding his Native American heritage and how that plays into his involvement in the war.  I would be disappointed if this were a cut-and-dry “Us versus Them” story – demonizing British forces as simple “bad guys”.  Let’s face it, early American settlers weren’t exactly friendly with the indigenous peoples when it came to standing between them and westward expansion.

On the surface, we get a sneak peek of at least some of the weaponry that will be employable by our newest historical assassin.  He’s got a traditional Native American bow with a quiver full of arrows and a tomahawk decorated with feathers.  Also, notice the blade on the tomahawk looks suspiciously like the Assassin’s Creed logo (I love symbolism!)

In addition, he’s got two pistols, though they seem to take a backseat when it comes to the combat, based solely on the box art.  This would indicate that Assassin’s Creed III will stay similar to the combat mechanics we’ve come to know in the previous iterations.  While ranged weapons have always had a place in the franchise, given the time periods explored thus far, they’ve been largely inefficient.  That seems to be the case here as well, given the muskets of the time were slow to reload – meaning after the first shot, combat drifted towards melee when facing an incoming enemy.  This plays well with the franchise because while the muskets of the period were certainly more effective than the crossbows of Renaissance Italy, they won’t be the game changing force that requires the developers to redefine the combat mechanics.

All said and done, there is a decent amount of information to take away from the images regarding how the game will play and our role in the American Revolution.  Assassin’s Creed loves to blend their signature style of fictional historical drama with actual events from history, so I’m looking forward to running into the prolific characters of the period — and scalping them.  My expectation is we’ll see a healthy dose of conspiracy theory regarding the secret society of the Free Masons and their role in the (Templar / Assassin) Revolutionary War.

I, for one, am SO glad to be out of Italy.

In Give ‘Em The Boot, we’re taking a look at those franchises that could not only benefit from a reboot, but pull it off well and produce a pretty awesome gaming experience.  For your consideration; the high-octane symphony of pain that is, Road Rash – The Reboot.

High Five!

Take it from someone who has been forcefully ejected from a motorcycle at fifty miles per hour, it blows.  It’s not so much the initial contact, or even the subsequent person-to-pavement collision that’s the worst part.  The most terrifying aspect of the whole experience is the slow-motion period of weightlessness you endure; gliding through the air as the pavement whizzes below, it’s horrifyingly serene.  In this brief eternity, your internal dialogue kicks into overdrive and you might find yourself instantly processing such thoughts as: “Sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh****t” or a more descriptive version, “Oh sh*t, this is really going to hurt.”  Then you hit the pavement.  Twirling, spinning, rolling and sliding are all accurate descriptions of what you will experience, simultaneously, and why physics will eventually kill everyone and therefore must be stopped.

But let’s back up a minute.  For the majority of people out there, the rush of a high-speed motorcycle crash will always be a foreign concept, reserved for extreme sports bloopers and the 11 o’clock news.  That’s a good thing, for a number of reasons.  One – motorcycles are expensive and surprisingly susceptible to gravity.  Two – mankind was never designed to move at high-speeds (notice the heart where your combustion engine should be), making impacts with hard surfaces kind of a big deal.  Three – the full-body application of Neosporin, six times daily, is about as fun as it sounds (none.)

"…or else it gets the hose again."

Fortunately, for the last thirty-something years, the videogame medium has evolved in such a way that ordinary people can now experience small, virtual slices of the impossible.  This was the case with Electronic Arts’ 1991 street racing/attempted-murder simulator, Road Rash.  Road Rash was the first motorcycle racer of its kind for two distinct reasons: it introduced an element of verticality to the landscape along with the associated physics, as well as the premise that just beating your opponent with speed and skill wasn’t enough, you were encouraged to beat your opponent … with chains and clubs.  Rarely does the marriage of two unrelated activities resonate so forcefully with an intended demographic.  Speaking from experience, adolescent males everywhere went absolute apesh*t for the high-speed motorcycle racing and wanton violence, all in the name of sweet, sweet victory.

Definition: Apesh*t

What the original title lacked in form and function was slowly added in subsequent releases throughout the remainder of the decade.  As consoles became more capable and development budgets increased, the series saw updates in graphics and features, as well as the physics system that had set it apart in its earliest days.  By the turn of the century, the series had morphed into an arcade parody of itself, playing on biker stereotypes and cartoon-violence.  It wasn’t a bad decision, but with the extended boundaries of new console hardware the series could have gone in different directions, innovating rather than arguably grafting the style popularized by Twisted Metal.

Surprisingly, that’s where our story just.. ends.   Electronic Arts hasn’t optioned another title in the series since Road Rash: Jailbreak was ported to the Gameboy Advanced in 2003.  For nearly ten years the once proud name has lain dormant, biding time and building strength.  Though every few years, Electronic Arts CEO John Riccitiello says the words “road rash” in an interview, tying the proverbial carrot to the stick and using it to mercilessly beat our hopes and dreams into the nether, when nothing materializes.  Well, dear reader, I’ve finished playing their game, today we start anew.  We’re going to reboot this Road Rash franchise, right now, and this is how we’re going to do it.

The Realism

If you don’t know why the series is called Road Rash, let me explain.  See, road rash is a slang term for extreme friction burn caused when the precious fibers of your body rub against an abrasive surface at high speeds.  In this case, your skin vs. pavement, essentially shearing off multiple layers and appearing as if you had a rash.  A horrible, painful, god-forsaken rash concocted by Satan’s dermatologist in the sinister depths of hell.

Yet for a series that takes its name from a painful, scarring affliction, Road Rash has always been light on the consequences that would normally plague a lifestyle dedicated to the fast paced world of drive-by assault.  Clipping a roadside barrier or chest bumping oncoming traffic will send your virtual racer rocketing into the hillside at speeds that would liquefy your internal bits.  Game over, right?  Not quite.  Apparently a fifteen second exhibition of Newton’s Second and Third Laws of Motion is about as jarring as catching the corner of your coffee table as you fumble about your morning routine.  The fact that the magnitude of forces exerted on a human body during an event of this caliber would reduce your racer to a lifeless, gelatinous state, doesn’t matter.  The reality gets overlooked as he dusts himself off and climbs back on the bike, maybe a little embarrassed but certainly still functioning.

Walk it off, champ.

Any game that trivializes the consequences of negative actions breaks my number one rule of videogame design:  I want to care about playing the game.  For example, getting fined for $10,000 worth of hard currency for rampaging through a crowded shopping mall isn’t a big deal when your net worth contains more digits than a credit card number.  Similarly, undergoing collisions that would obliterate a crash test dummy lose all meaning when my rider shakes it off likes the weightless experiences they are; I simply don’t care about my performance because there is no incentive to do so.  Road Rash – The Reboot, will make the gut-wrenching crashes you experience just that, gut wrenching.  Sure, you’re encouraged to win, even cheat if that’s your bag, but unless you enjoy sucking three meals a day out of a feeding tube you might want to reconsider that daring 80 mph slide coming into turn three.

That’s not to say Road Rash – The Reboot should be a boring, albeit impressive, real life driving simulator – we already have Gran Turismo (what whaaat?)  It should be realistic to the point that those spectacular crashes we all love to watch and experience, carry some baggage.

That's not normal?

“You’ve just hit the gas at the start of the race.  A rider swings up on your right, he got a good jump off the line and is inching closer, ready to cut you off coming into the first turn.  You could lose the entire race right here, this is a do-or-die situation.  You reach for your sawed-off baseball bat, lovingly nicknamed “Thumper”.  You take an arcing swipe at his head,  he ducks.  In your moment of unbalance, he capitalizes with a swift boot to the side of your bike.  It sends you reeling, you try to recover but the turn is coming too fast.  You grip the clutch, pump the brakes, lean-in hard.  It’s not enough.  You come into the turn too fast and slam into the guard rail.  That’s the last thing your rider remembers, but for the rest of us, it’s just the beginning of the show.

Your rider goes limp, the inertial forces whipping him over the guard rail.  Rag doll mechanics take over and his body is tossed down the hillside in a repeating, no-hands cartwheel.  An obstacle approaches, it’s a tree – a damn big tree.  Seconds before impact, time grinds to a halt, and a slow-motion dance of physics unfolds.  Fortunately the bulk of his body passes by the tree, unscathed; unfortunately, his arm does not.  The camera pulls in tight on the arm as it connects, cutting into x-ray vision.  It snaps.  It’s a heavy break, but it could have been much, much worse.  Time slams back into full speed and the rider bounces off the tree in a modified trajectory, rolling down the hill to an eventual stop.”

Before you knew it, you were out of this race.  You took a gamble, a good one at that, but it didn’t pay off and you paid the price.  Did you do the right thing?  Should you have let him pass, tried to catch up later down the road and introduced Thumper to his lower-back?  I don’t know – you made the call and it didn’t pan out, and you lost the race.  Will you do it differently next time?  Maybe.  Do you care about your performance?  Absolutely.

This guy knows what I'm talking about.

The Setting

The Road Rash series has never been much of a story-driven experience.  There are varying degrees of plot in each iteration, but let’s face it, when the game’s premise comes down to winning races by beating your opponents with blunt objects, it’s hard to connect those dots.  It’s not alone in that regard though, as the early days of commercial game development weren’t exactly brimming with unique narrative.  Road Rash has always been a largely disposable experience, good for limited sessions of thrills and marvel, but lacking any real substance on an emotional or thoughtful level.  The modern-day demand for complete, immersive titles, dictates a need for change in that department, and rightfully so.  The gaming industry is expanding and with increased options comes an increased demand in quality.  We’re going to have to answer that call and show the world that Road Rash – The Reboot can be more than just a handful of hilarious physics-based thrills, it’s going to tell a story.

While the necessity for racing two-wheeled vehicles whilst bludgeoning your counterparts might not seem like it lends itself well to a story-telling experience, there a few scenarios that could add a sense of plausibility to the case.  In keeping with Give ‘Em The Boot tradition, I’ll supply my scenario(s), but if you’re cooking up something extra saucy in that brainpan of yours, feel free to run with it – it’s an open forum.

Scenario A – The Biker War

Got 'em. Got 'em real good.

For those not familiar with the seedy history of biker clubs, let me explain.  While the vast majority are harmless groups of riding buddies, the more infamous organizations are tight-knit and fiercely territorial entities that take rivalry and encroachment as serious as you or I would take a hostile invasion by our new alien overlords, which is to say, very.  Unless that’s your thing, I’m not here to judge.  Case in point, The Hells Angels and the Mongols, two California-based biker clubs with nearly three decades of violence towards each other.  What started out as an argument over who was allowed to “claim” California on their vests, evolved into a bloody war that’s still going on to this day.  In fact over here in my neck of the woods, as recent as last week, a Mongol member was found guilty for the 2008 murder of the Hells Angels’ San Francisco chapter leader.  Biker gangs are very much alive and their wars are as well, so the premise of a modern-day turf conflict doesn’t seem so far-fetched.  The real problem with this scenario is trying to believe that a modern war between rival gangs would only consist of clubs, chains and bats.  The addition of firearms to our reboot would be like finding out your house has termites, and to deal with the infestation, you set it on fire – it’s overkill and completely defeats the purpose. Road Rash has never been about guns, and it needs to stay that way.

Scenario B – The Mad Max

Can't wait!

I know, I know.  The post-apocalyptic thing has been done to death in recent years, but hear me out.  It’s the perfect setting for a world where melee combat and maneuverable, fuel-efficient vehicles would be necessity.  After mankind nukes the surface of the planet to cinders and the inevitable downfall of society occurs (it’s gonna happen), I envision the remnants of mankind breaking into tribe-like societies.  Their moral compasses destroyed by the blast, these groups will war with one another for the scavenging rights to what little resources remain.  Food, fuel, transportation and shelter – it’s all up for grabs in a global episode of Shop ’til You Drop and the winner gets the biggest share.  The reason this scenario is perfect for Road Rash – The Reboot, is three-fold.  One – eventually the mountains of ammunition that were stockpiled by the world’s superpowers will run out, possibly sooner than later if there was any kind of global conflict leading up to the decline of civilization.  So within a decade, maybe two, our firearm problem is going to solve itself.  Two – fossil fuels are quickly expiring at our current rate of consumption, meaning anything left after the bombs drop will be worth it’s weight in gold.  Or whatever our post-apocalyptic descendants value the way we value gold – probably fuel now that I think of it, so yes.. it will be worth its weight in itself.  Therefore any transportation that runs on fossil fuels will have to be efficient enough to justify the use, meaning motorcycles!  Or a Prius.  Three – in a society of warring tribes, violence will be the forte of the ruling bodies, making blunt-force-trauma not only commonplace, but possibly a term of endearment (we’ll see!)  Now, if that all sounds suspiciously familiar, it would be because it’s essentially the plot of The Road Warrior.  Though if that’s the direction we’re really headed in the future, you should consider investing in chaps now folks.

The Features

If you’ve never played a Road Rash title, and I wouldn’t blame you, it’s a poorly guarded secret that the series is about as deep as a nun’s rap sheet.  Relying almost exclusively on the thrill of the gameplay, once you’ve finished the finite number of race tracks, that’s it.  As I mentioned earlier, the modern era of games puts emphasis on fleshed out experiences, meaning that if Road Rash – The Reboot is going to rebirth this franchise into the modern arena, it’s got to have some value.  In my experience, there are a great many elements that could add depth to a title, but far fewer appropriate ways to implement them.

Gold Master Candidate.

We’ve all been there.  We just finished the main portion of a game, setting a new land-speed record in the process.  Sweet – now what, hrm?  Well, let’s see if we can go gather up all 65 million of these feathers, partially hidden in areas that have now become inaccessible, before mind-numbing debilitation takes over and we start foaming at the mouth.  This is a shameful, diabolical ploy, used to cram fistfuls of filler into a game like a lubricated holiday turkey.  Good game design should add the appropriate depth mechanics in the appropriate places so the user gets the feeling of a cohesive, singular experience – rather than a six-hour scavenger hunt once they’ve plowed through the selling points.

Let’s forget, for a second, about the ubiquity of the term “RPG Elements” and why it’s so infuriating. It’s a label for the current trend that presents the user with choice in how they customize their experience, which has come under fire lately for being passé, or something.  The practice has been called everything from rampant to cliché, which I guess is true, in the same way modern medicine has “already been done”.  Look, choice makes everything better, and it’s a one-dimensional argument that would lampoon a title for trying to inject some measure of tailorable mechanics.  Road Rash – The Reboot could utilize these mechanics brilliantly to add a sense of overarching continuity, amid the inherently segmented nature of racing titles.

We can move away from the experience-points model, or even leveling up.  If we decided to run with The Mad Max scenario as portrayed above, you could barter a forty-five year old bag of irradiated Skittles that you scavenged from a downed racer, trading them for weapons, armor or parts at a local mechanic.  The point is, I want to build my personal experience through skill, rather than simply unlocking the BallBuster 9000 because I shaved a few tenths of a second off the best time.  Let me build my bike, let me link together scraps of metal and PVC for makeshift armor, let me dip this baton in a glue-glass-shrapnel mixture.  You give me the keys to this kingdom and I guarantee you I’ll explore every goddamn nook and cranny of it.

Pictured: Ballbuster 9000. And Ballbuster 9750.

The Verdict

So here we are folks.  We’ve come the end of this delirious, gasoline-fueled vision, twenty years in the making.  Generally in The Verdict section of a Give ‘Em The Boot piece, I’d make my final case as to why the reboot would be awesome.  I’m not sure that’s required this time around.  As I close in on the three-thousandth word of this article, anyone still reading by now has to have experienced at least a modicum of enjoyment on the journey.  Unless you’re building an impressive case for my arrest and eventual institutionalization – in which case, do me a solid and give me a ten-minute warning in the comments below.

In all seriousness, this needs to happen.  Road Rash raised a generation of youngsters on the notion that motorcycles are cooler than a flaming-chainsaw fight between Miles Davis and The Fonz. It also subsequently dashed those poor kid’s dreams when they learned that “billy club etiquette” wasn’t actually part of the DMV test.  If Electronic Arts ever opts to make another entry in this series, I sincerely hope they consider their former trespasses, doing it the justice it so rightfully deserves.  Lazily slapping together another iteration might just be the final nail in the coffin for Road Rash, and if that’s the case, just leave it alone guys.  After all… 

"Sometimes dead is better."

Brandin likes motorcycles, videogames and post-apocalyptic fashion.  He hates Neosporin, disappointment and man-slaves.  You can rant at him on Twitter @I_AmNotAMonster.

Before you tear this letter up, please, hear me out.  Are you still there?  You are?  Fantastic.  Look, it’s been a hard week for us, that’s for sure.  As you know, I recently purchased a new fighting title; you may recall my furious mashing of all your relevant buttons in the hours that followed.  You took it on the chin, despite any indignity I may have caused, fumbling across your extrusions with the elegance of a drunken adolescent.  In time I grew more comfortable with the premise and mechanics, gracefully dancing across your surfaces like a leaf on the wind.  These were the good times, my dear controller, we were happy.  Soon after, to my abashed recollection, that harpy of nagging competition reared it’s ugly, networked head.  I signed into my account, I entered a ranked match and we battled gloriously, side by side.  It was a beautiful moment.  Full of fear, anxiety, nerves and the expectations that we would realize our hidden potential and reign in infamy throughout  this virtual world.  Allow me to draw your attention to the outcome of this deranged experience that has since robbed me of my virginal online promise.  You f****** failed me!

Oh, that’s right.  Take that in – let it process.  Don’t fight the tears, let them flow.  Let them rain down in a shameful river of your ineptitude, you glorified remote.  The one time I need you to perform with clarity, you choke.  You received the whisperings of omniscience through my fingers, translating them into a garbled seizure of twisted shame.  Still, I battled on.  Like a  handicapped underdog, I spewed forth combinations of tactical brilliance that might have been recorded in song and scripture alike, witnessing them unfold before me in a spasm of helplessness.  By the end of the third round my innocent dreams were set upon with fire and sword – and as the saying goes, my dear controller, shit rolls down hill.

"You have failed me for the last time, Admiral."

I’m not proud of what I did in that brief moment of hate-fueled madness.  I know I crossed the line when I gunned you towards the floor with with the fiery passion of a dying sun.  Watching with shameful glee as you, like a meteorite from the heavens, plummeted downward, approaching the off-white doom that awaited below.  Four seconds.  That sickening thud of worlds colliding was followed by four, haunting, seconds, of gravity defying hang time.  Witnessing your anguished, suspended twirl, was enough to realize what I had done.  Hanging my head in shame as you skittered into an abandoned corner of the room, I knew there was no excuse for the Johnny Mac rage-spiking you received.

Listen, I want to take this opportunity- no, that’s all wrong.  It’s got no heart.  I need this opportunity, to talk about the seriousness of this issue.  We both know that this relationship has never been perfect.  There are times when I get frustrated, angry, occasionally what some might even describe as wrathful.  I’ve said things.  Things I’m not proud of, to you, for no acceptable reason.  You know I don’t mean them, but that doesn’t make it right.  I’ve blamed you, cursing your existence through thinly veiled, muffled cries of malcontent.  That’s not fair.  Sure, every once in awhile one of your buttons stick, or your analog doesn’t register a click when I clearly clicked it at the appropriate time!  No, I’m doing it again, I apologize.

I need to learn to be the bigger person.

Despite my near infallible execution in all our gaming related endeavors, things continue to happen.  I die.  I don’t win the big game.  I don’t save the world.  I suppose that isn’t your fault, is it?  These things just happen, don’t they?  No one to blame but this wacky universe full of chaos and randomness.  Hah.  See, things are already getting better – I’m learning to accept the impossible for you.  The impossibility of stuff just sort of, happening for no reason as I masterfully input a series of movements that will decide the fate of the world.  We’ll just pin it on the universe, I guess – what’s the universe going to say about it?  Anyway, I want you to know that I realize you are just as important in this relationship as I am.  Well not as important, per se, but like a solid forty percent, to my sixty.  Maybe seventy-thirty – I’m seventy.  That sounded better in my head.  What I’m trying to say is you’re a big part of what we have going for us, you know?  I hope you realize that - because I have.

The sad irony of your namesake, controller, is reminder enough that you are at the merciful-(less) whim of those that own you.  In point of fact you have no control.  You’re a victim of circumstance, being blamed for infractions ranging in severity from unresponsiveness to the holocaust.  It’s not fair and you shouldn’t be punished, especially fatally, for the consequences of your masters’ ineffectiveness.  You were the first peripheral I destroyed, controller.  You know what?  I don’t like referring to you by your function.  You should have a name, albeit posthumously.  Mitch?  I’ll call you Mitch.  Listen Mitch, you were the first and only controller I’ve ever broken, but don’t despair, for your death was not in vain.   I vow, here and now, to treat my peripherals with the tender care they so rightfully deserve.  You’ve changed me, Mitch.  You’ve made me a better gamer – a better person.  I’m just sorry you had to be the martyr.  I’ll never forget you, because you – are irreplaceable.

I will now be accepting volunteers.

The Ironhide team is comprised of Co-Founders/Developers: Alvaro Azofra, Pablo Realini, Gonzalo Sande and the newest member, Developer Juan Andres Nin.  We caught up with the minds behind Kingdom Rush to discuss their whirlwind year, their thoughts on the future and how they turned a passion into a profession.

Geeksweat: Last year was a pretty big year for you guys; first and foremost, congratulations are in order.  With the release of Kingdom Rush your team has seen a lot of success in a very short time.  How do you guys feel knowing that millions of people out there are enjoying a game that you created? What’s the biggest change for you from, say, this this time last year?

Alvaro Azofra: Thank you very much! Knowing that millions of people really enjoy and are having fun with our game is a great feeling and it is the biggest reward of making a it.

2011 was a year of many changes and it is hard to say what’s the biggest one because everything feels big. We started the year being almost unknown working from a very small room with a half made unnamed defense game and it ended with us moving to a new place, winning our national videogame contest, having the highest rated game on ArmorGames and Kongregate, 187,000 followers on Facebook and 35,000 on Twitter and among other things our very first game on iOS that’s receiving great reviews… so you see, everything was a big change for us. What didn’t change was the way we work, when we are focused working it still feels like being in the small room from where we started off, except with a nicer view.

Your biography page states you’re just three friends with a passion for gaming that decided to give it a shot; in addition to a nice Spaceballs reference – Yogurt would be proud!  What did you guys do before forming Ironhide and what made you finally decide to take that leap?

Pablo and I worked in the web industry for several years, he is a programmer and I’m a web designer among other things, while Gonzalo is an artist that’s been drawing all his life and was the only one that had some experience working in a game company.

We took the leap because we always wanted to work on games and flash was a very accessible platform to start with so we decided to try and make one game to see how it goes; so we made Clash of the Olympians which did pretty well and with that Ironhide Game Studio was born.

To date you have developed three games: Clash of the Olympians, Soccer Challenge World Cup Edition 2010 and most recently, Kingdom Rush.  It’s an interesting progression from the point-and-click style of Clash, followed by a trivia game in Soccer Challenge and then tower defense.  Can you tell us a little bit about the evolution of your development and what made you decide to tackle a new genre with each new title?

I guess we took each genre by whim, we just wanted to do them at the time, and there are still lots of genres we want to try our hand on, i don’t know if we will be able to do them all but I’m confident we will try a few.

Clash of the Olympians was our first game, there we took a very simple concept and tried to improve upon it. The game came out well with some design flaws but for being the first game we are very proud of it and it was the game that allowed us to continue working on the other ones.

Soccer Challenge was made because of the World Cup, I guess the World Cup fever caught us and we also wanted to test how a Facebook game performed.  So we decided to make a trivia game for soccer fans. It had a very short development time of a month and a half so we went for it.  Sadly the game was finished a bit too close to the World Cup and we couldn’t sponsor it, but it still had a good reception on Facebook and it allowed us to test the social platform a bit.

Kingdom Rush was a bit of a crazy choice at the moment, we were looking at several options and someone said, how bout a defense game?  A genre we all loved but were a bit afraid of, so we started some brainstorming, we had some pretty good ideas but the defining factor I guess was when Gonzalo came out with some concepts on how the game could look and we all fell in love with them immediately, so we just went ahead with it.

Talk to me a little bit about that – your art style. It’s a great mix of vibrant colors, whimsical personality and just a bit of absurdity, which makes it fun and really easy on the eyes. How did you come up with the style and were there any influences that helped it along?

Gonzalo Sande: The art style is very similar to the one used in our previous games, its cartoon like and simplistic with some comical elements. We wanted the player to feel they where defending real locations of the kingdom, that’s why we put so much effort in the little details like the sheep, houses and landscape elements that helped give personality to each stage. The real challenge was to capture all these things in a really small sized proportion, finding the way to make each enemy and soldier feel unique with their own attitude and style was crucial.

As for the inspiration, a lot of indie games use a similar art style, I believe the most recognizable of all would be Castle Crashers, but many great studios like Mika Mobile, Juicy Beast, Berzerk Studio, etc, tend to use similar vector graphics.

You announced the sequel to Kingdom Rush less than a month after the game was officially released. When did you realize that you had a hit on your hands and that hit games need hit sequels?

Alvaro Azofra: Right after open beta we noticed people were liking the game a lot since all the comments were very favorable, we included a form for beta testers to give us feedback and almost everyone rated it 9 or 10 out of 10 in several areas. After release the game quickly became the best rated game at AG [ArmorGames] and everyone was asking for more levels. We planned for a level pack but instead thought that making a stand alone game would be much better and would give us the room to add all the stuff that we left out of Kingdom Rush.

Speaking of Kingdom Rush, it hasn’t all been fun and games.  While you were working on the iPad version, a developer by the name of “my Yayi” created a knock off port for the iOS platform.  Unfortunately it’s a common practice, but what was that experience like and how did your fiercely loyal fan base take the news?

That wasn’t the first time someone stole our assets. Clash of the Olympians was also a victim of theft so there was our first encounter with the dark side of mobile gaming. It is a very frustrating thing to happen to a small dev, specially since you feel defenseless against that.

At first we weren’t sure what to do, we contacted the guys at Half-bot who had their game stolen too and gave us great advice on how to proceed, we emailed apple, filed copyright infringement notices and went public immediately. The community really supported us then, the author from the game music (Shannon Mason’s husband) really helped expose the situation and even got us coverage at Kotaku. Apple after a while removed the app and all was good again.

The second time we didn’t want to go public, we thought we could resolve it by emailing apple through the right channels and file copyright infringement notices very early, we caught the stolen version just a day after its release so we thought our timing was awesome. Sadly these guys really know how to work the system and delayed the process (I think) so we went public again. The community was fierce about it, Toucharcade made an article almost instantly (they are awesome), we even set up a template email for users to send to Apple. So on the first day of going public we got an answer from Apple saying they are looking into it and a few days later the game was removed. We removed the template but it is funny now once in a while we get a copy of someone sending that email to Apple.

In conclusion Apple really responds to copyright infringement, but it is always a good idea to go public with it, even if some people will go and buy the stolen product most will wait for the legit version and review sites will refrain from covering a game that’s made on stolen assets.

Your version, the real version, of Kingdom Rush was released on the iPad just before Christmas last year to thousands of five-star reviews. Did you always know that this was a title you wanted to bring to other platforms? Is mobile development something you’ve wanted to do or was it just the right venue for a game like Kingdom Rush?

Yes, when creating Kingdom Rush we always had the iPad in mind, we made all the interface very friendly for touch devices so we wouldn’t run into any big problems when taking it to the other platform.

We always wanted to get into mobile as we do want to get into other platforms like Xbox arcade or Steam, but started with flash because it was the tool we knew how to use, I hope in the future we can create games for all these other platforms.

Since you announced the sequel to Kingdom Rush you’ve developed several additional premium content packages including new levels, challenges, cosmetics and characters.  Do you plan to continue supporting the original with content?

We plan to support the original for a while, in fact we are now working a new stage with a few more extras that we hope people will really love.

Speaking of the sequel – I know you get bombarded on your forums every day for information.  What can you tell us about it?

At this point i can tell you it will be a new game with 3 new terrains , all new enemies , 4 new specialist towers , boss fights , new story and it will improve on the original while maintaining the classic aspects of the game. The story will pick up a few years later from the events on Kingdom Rush , and the game will take place south of the Kingdom in the frontier with the Azsare Desert.

Have you targeted a time frame for release or is it more of an “it’s ready when it’s ready” process?

We have no time frame yet, things have been crazy the last few months so for the moment “it will be ready when its ready”.

A lot of independent developers have good ideas that just don’t necessarily translate into great games. Was there ever a time when you guys thought that you might not make it? That you might have to close up shop and go back to the grind?

Not really, I mean, we never thought of closing shop in fact we were prepared for the possibility that Kingdom Rush do badly, if that were the case we would just keep trying and learn from our mistakes, but wouldn’t close up shop just yet.

So after “Kingdom Rush 2” is wrapped up – what’s next for Ironhide? Native mobile development, maybe a few more team members and a bigger office? World conquest?

World conquest is our long term aim, but right now it is very hard to know what will happen after the sequel. We have a few ideas of games we want to make and we also would like to get into more platforms but only time will tell which direction we will go.

Any advice for those interested in developing their ideas into games?

Yes a few we learned: Stay focused and trust in your work and your ideas but do not be afraid to make mistakes, if you are making something that feels fun it probably is and if it doesn’t chances are it isn’t, so go and change it. Friends never tell you your game sucks. Make sure the game is easy to learn and if its complex make a smooth learning curve. Be aware of the details, an easy to use interface, good sound fx, easter eggs, etc. They really add to the user experience.

Well thanks for taking the time to talk; I’m really excited to check out what’s in store for us from Ironhide Game Studio. Any parting words for your fans?

Thank you for interviewing us, we are also very exited to see how some of the stuff we have in mind comes out and if the players will like them. We really love when fans give us feedback and tell us how much they like our game, it really fuels us to try and be better and bring more fun stuff into our games, as I said on the first answer it is the best reward of all.

If you haven’t already, check out Ironhide Game Studio to learn more about them.

Email the author Brandin Tyrrel, or follow him on Twitter.

Few have entertained the idea of Microsoft making a similar foray into the genre; let’s face it, their roster isn’t exactly what you might call deep when it comes to exclusive franchises.  Microsoft Studios’ corporate vice president, Phil Spencer even acknowledged the concern in the latest GameInformer, stating that the creation of core intellectual properties is no easy thing.  The Xbox brand may be the new kid on the block, but there isn’t much credit being given when it comes to the discussion surrounding exclusive properties.  While the less-is-more concept may not apply here, it’s not as if they’re sporting hand-me-downs in a world of designer duds.

Let’s play Devil’s Advocate and imagine a world where the exclusive crossover fighter is actually a vital cornerstone of any platform’s repertoire.  Has the bar been set too impossibly high by Microsoft’s competitors?  In short, no – remember, the original Super Smash Bros. represented Nintendo’s wealth of franchises with twelve characters from eight different titles.  Eight games doesn’t seem so impossible, though only twelve characters is somewhat of an anemic roster in this day and age.  Shall we make it at least twenty?  Twenty or more characters from at least eight titles in alphabetical order; sound good?  Let’s get started.

The Agent – Crackdown                                                                                       

There are cops, there’s Robocop and then there’s The Agent.  To be fair, The Agent is less of a cop and more of a superhero who appreciates the practical and stylish qualities of Kevlar over spandex.  He’s got the physical prowess of Superman, the gadgetry of Batman and doesn’t have to worry about that secret identity thing.  Plus, he uses guns; game over, man.  You could do anything with this guy in a fighting game and he would be a badass.  Hand to hand combat – check.  Thirty-foot vertical leap – check.  Subsequent thirty-foot elbow drop from hell – CHECK MATE!

                                                                               The Apprentice – Orcs Must Die

We could all learn a thing or two about workplace enthusiasm from The Apprentice.  While he might not have as much experience as others in his field, he’s living proof that there is something to be said for on-the-job training.  Though the real reason we dig The Apprentice is because he’s got the kind of personality you want in someone who considers genocide a nine-to-fiver.  He’s sarcastic, entertaining and has celebratory dance moves that rival most NBA cheerleaders.  The Apprentice could have an arsenal of different traps to throw down, each having a different effect on his opponent.  Not to mention: a magically-automatic crossbow for ranged attacks, a bladed staff for anything that violates his personal bubble, and an assortment of elemental powers thanks to his mystical wardrobe.

Alan Wake – Alan Wake                                                                                              

While Alan Wake might not seem like the kind of guy you’d expect to throw down for a living, that’s certainly no reason to assume the man can’t hold his own.  When he’s not trudging through leftover set pieces from Twin Peaks or blinding mobs of possessed rural folk with surgical precision, he’s a writer, and as we all know, the pen is mightier than the sword.  He might not have the melee chops of other characters, but he’s capable by stunning his foes with an assortment of light-based weaponry, before blowing them to pieces with varying degrees of small arms fire.  I envision Alan playing like a ranged, stun character; weak up close but able to use flashlights, flares and flash bangs to stun and maintain distance.  A small revolver for consistent ranged damage a hunting rifle for powered attacks.  His special attack could consist of pulling out his trusty typewriter where he would begin to furiously pound on the keys, conjuring the dark creatures from his imagination to fight in his defense.

                                                                                                  Arbiter – Halo Series

As the most infamous member of a people who’s highest aspirations are a glorious death on the battlefield; it’s hard not to imagine The Arbiter in our crossover fighter.  We’ll find him wielding that energy sword with devastating close-quarter efficiency and in the unlikely event he’s not pressing the attack at any given time, he’ll be able to rely on his plasma pistol for light damage and it’s overcharge function to stun his opponents.  Naturally he’ll start and finish each bout with a few pseudo-religious words of glory and honor, so long as he’s voiced by the deep, commanding tones of Keith David.  As far as special abilities go, the Arbiter has a slew of high-tech gadgets at his disposal and you can be sure he’ll be making use of that damned cloaking shield to mask his movements.  There’s only one special attack fit for the most prominent of Sangheili, the Arbiter will call up to a battle cruiser in orbit and order the bombardment of the area, glassing his enemies in a beam of plasma.

Augustus Cole – Gears of War Series                                                            

“The Cole Train runs on whole grain, baby! Whoo!”  What else do you need to know about #83?  Before Sera went to hell with an infestation of locusts, Augustus “Cole Train” Cole made his living as the grittiest, most intense Thrashball player in the game.  Fortunately for humanity, he brought the same enthusiastic flamboyancy to killing the locust horde, reminding us that, “You can’t stop the Train, baby.”  Using the moves he picked up as a Thrashballer, Cole would charge into his opponent, knocking them senseless.  Once the Big Train get’s his hands on some poor, unfortunate soul, they’re in for an endless exhibition of punishing blows, holds and throws.  Of course, it wouldn’t really be a show without the self-styled hero worship that Cole brings to the table; so between the earth-shattering tackles and bone-snapping throws, we’re expecting plenty of “Whooo!”  At the end of the match, I want to see Cole autograph his picture and flick it at the limp body of the poor sucka’ that forgot what time it was.  “It’s go time, baby!”

                                                                                                         Baldur - Too Human

After a ten year development cycle, the realization of Too Human was met with mixed reviews and I’ll be the first to admit, story aside, there wasn’t a whole lot going for it.  Still, despite the somewhat disappointing tone of the whole, several parts within shined beyond the overall presentation; Baldur was one of those parts.  He was the embodiment of man’s interaction with the gods in this futuristic world of Norse mythology.  Decidedly less reliant on the cybernetic enhancements that fueled the remainder of the pantheon, Baldur was closer to humanity than any other deity, a point which made his story resonate with us mere mortals.  Despite the fact he is, too human, in this universe, Baldur is still a bona fide badass when it comes to the fisticuffs.  Trained in a wide range of weaponry, both melee and ranged, he’s a versatile fighter when it comes to the sword or the lazer-beam-death-ray.  How cool would it be to see a cinematic finishing move where the heavens opened above and a squadron of cybernetic Valkyries poured out to visit utter ruination on an incapacitated foe?  Then they grab the soul of Baldur’s defeated opponent and escort it off to Valhalla.  Winner: Baldur.

Bullseye – Monday Night Combat                                                                          

So this one might be a grey area considering Monday Night Combat went from an exclusive XBLA title, to being available on Steam for Microsoft Windows.  In any case, I took the liberty of getting the judges’ ruling before including the title in our list (spoiler alert: it’s good).  Well now that the legal stuff is out of the way we can focus on more important things, like Bullseye, who is f****** awesome!  Maybe it’s his ever present smile, maybe it’s his proclivity for happily jogging through live ammunition in the name of entertainment.  Admittedly, Bullseye is more of a lover than a fighter, but that doesn’t mean that our boy can’t tussle when push comes to shove.  Anyone that’s played MNC knows Bullseye’s got a mean belly-bounce, a never ending supply coins to chuck at the face his opponent and if all else fails, bacon.  Since the density of the Bullseye suit doesn’t allow for much more than muffled shrieks, I demand that his intro/outro/dialogue be voiced by Mickey Cantor, the esteemed announcer of MNC.

                                                                             Captain Smiley – Comic Jumper

Twisted Pixel’s action-parody of the comic book world, Comic Jumper was an XBLA title that focused on Captain Smiley and his sidekick Star, tackling multiple comic genres in an effort to relaunch his own failed series.  Smiley himself was the naive, lawful-good superhero while Star was the wise-cracking, abrasive counterpart.  Alone, neither character is particularly outstanding, but together they epitomize the can’t-miss schtick of yesteryear.  Like the first half of any buddy-cop comedy, the two characters pepper one another with snarky banter while the dozens of “baddies” they put down take a back seat to the dialogue.  Captain Smiley and Star would be a great addition to the fighting genre, because in addition to their dual pistols and archetype superhero melee combat, their most effective ability might be the harsh quips and verbal mockery they’re sure to bring to every bout.  Lastly, I’m thinking the varying art styles of each comic genre could serve as an alternative costumes.  Manga Smiley, amirite?

Cortana – Halo Series                                                                                                   

You might wonder how an artificial intelligence with no physical form could be included in a genre that celebrates high-octane physical contact.  Well don’t, she’s Cortana, the matriarch of Microsoft exclusivity.  She gets a pass.  Cortana is an amazingly important character, part friend, mother, confidant, partner and lover – she embodies the tether that binds emotion to the story of Halo.  Considering she’s got no physical confines you could have a lot of fun with her character design in a fighter.  I’d like to see her able to project her holographic form wherever she pleases at any time, effectively giving her the ability to warp around the level and come at her opponent from any side.  Along with an assortment of electrical attacks, it would be awesome if she were able to hit her opponents with some kind of cybernetic parasite, allowing her to enter it once attached and control her opponent for a brief time.

                                                                                                        Hero – Fable Series

Let’s get this out of the way, the Hero is you.  It’s a living testament to your preferences, decision making and most importantly all your terrible, terrible mistakes.  By the time I finished the original Fable my Hero looked as though he had a fetish for losing fights to lawnmowers.  That’s the appeal of the Fable series, no two characters will ever be identical thereby making the story you experience yours and yours alone.  In a perfect world, we’ll be able to import our saved data into the fighter and use our own heroes, if only cosmetically, to slice, shoot, pound, burn, freeze and electrocute our opponent, depending on your preference.  Now, if for some reason this fighting title gets made back in 1997 (it could happen) thereby rendering the technology to import our own characters uninvented, there is another option.  The Hero starts the fight as the little boy from the first Fable, let’s call him Chicken-Chaser, and as the fight progresses he ages and changes cosmetically.  Depending on the amount of damage you dole out, you turn evil, sprouting horns and hooves and possibly even a t-shirt with an Iron Maiden album cover on it.  The more punishment you take, the more pious you become, gaining an aura of golden light, a halo and maybe some Tyrael-esque glowing wing-thingys.  The Hero’s special moves would be tied to their moral alignment, so if you’re taking a real stomping your Hero would fire beams of righteous light to the alt-rock sounds of Creed; while if you had come out swinging like a mustachioed, old timey bare-knuckle boxer, the unfortunate soul that is your enemy will cower in awe-struck terror as your Hero summons obelisks of pyroclastic pain from the pits of hell below.

Jack of Blades – Fable Series                                                                              

The main antagonist of both Fable and Fable: The Lost Chapters, Jack’s as much of a bastard as they come.  When he’s not pillaging the countryside and murdering your hero’s family members in a dramatic and cliched fashion, Jack is actually a pretty interesting guy.  That is to say he’s not so much of a guy, as a faceless, formless entity from the Void with a superiority complex that makes even the most delusional megalomaniacs look like timid, agoraphobic orphans.  Over the course of two Fable games (well, one and a DLC, 1.5?), Jack goes rather willy-nilly with the supernatural powers and the special effects to the point that I don’t really think anyone knows the limits of his abilities.  With that in mind, it’s best not to make this more complicated than it has to be, so Jack should be capable of everything we’ve seen him do in the Fable series.  Solid melee chops with a sword, dagger, claw or any other equally sharp and pointy object, in addition to his ability to project magical balls of pain and bright, white boomerangs of…also pain.  Lastly, he will of course, be able to turn into a dragon given the chance and slap around the competition with his scaly, razor mitts.  Bonus points to the developer(s) if he can also summon the Queen and Knight of Blades for a limited time, as an extra dose of fan service.

                                                                          Jason Fleming – Shadow Complex

Jason Fleming, the every-man.  He enjoys hiking, socializing in bars and rescuing women who were kidnapped while hiking with him, after meeting in a bar.  Aside from his self-proclaimed ninja training, Jason is your ordinary guy, thrown into an extraordinary situation where he must overcome a series of seemingly impossible obstacles in the form of technologically savvy paramilitants.  I’m not talking about “programming a VCR” savvy, these guys have gadgets so advanced they belong in a Tokyo vending machine, which is why characterizing Jason Fleming in a fighter is more difficult than it sounds.  As you progress through the titular complex of shadows, you’ll collect these items, drastically changing the way, Jason Fleming: Concerned Spelunker plays in the beginning of the game versus the way, Jason Fleming: Techno-Dynamite plays towards the end.  I think the best way to tackle this dilemma in a fighting game is to approach Jason Fleming: Crossover Gladiator as a power-up character where he will gradually build his power as the battle continues.  In the beginning of a bout he’ll have his climbing gear and a pistol, enabling him to wall-jump off of interactive scenery or the sides of the screen, allowing for quick melee and gun attacks from creative angles; hit and run tactics.  Dealing enough damage to his opponent (charging up) would allow him to call in an airdrop crate that contains the next piece of equipment, gaining an ability from it.  This continues, getting progressively easier with each piece of gear, until he is fully equipped and ready to single-handedly overthrow the small country of your choosing.  Triple jumps, limited speed augmentation, super strength, pistol-laser for increased accuracy and a multifunction grenade launcher; everything we loved from the game is made available to Jason Flemming: Fully Loaded Cyber-God.

Kaim – Lost Odyssey                                                                                                     

For a game that was received in the west as both visionary and derivative by each respective camp, Lost Odyssey certainly embodies the notion that a good game is merely a matter of taste.  Personally, I have never completely been a fan of JRPGs but I felt obligated as an Xbox 360 owner to buy it for two reasons.  There are about as many marquee JRPGs exclusive to the Xbox 360 as there are days in a week, minus five; which is why I wanted to support the RPG cross-pollination with my hard-earned currency, in addition to being generally interested in how Sakaguchi would present an epic role-playing experience on this console.  While this isn’t the venue for my in-depth review of the game, I will say that I both liked and hated the protagonist of the title, Kaim.  He had a sense of agelessness to him, which is fitting considering he’s an immortal, but at the same time I didn’t find myself identifying with him in any way aside from the fact we’ve both woken up at one point or another without a complete recollection of what the hell happened the night before.  Still, the amnesiac warrior knows his way around a sword with stunning efficiency as evident by the best damn introductory cinematic you’ll see in a long time.  He’s style, finesse and grace incarnate, and between the slow-motion pirouettes and pliés, he’ll cut a few heads off.  In our fighting title, Kaim should put this fancy footwork to good use as a dodge/counter character.  Between his strikes he’ll be able to shift and parry incoming blows allowing him the unique trait of being both offensive and defensive, simultaneously.

                                                                         Kinectimals – Kinectimals Series

Try not to smile at the thought of the perpetually adorable Kinectimals going into battle.  They’ll launch coordinated cyclones of furry fury, pawing their way into your heart, literally.  Assuming the technology is there, you could even import your personal Kinectimal into the fray as an alternative costume and watch as “Cinnamon” uses your opponent’s face as a spring-board to unleash a flurry of death-from-above, in lovable fashion.  Their special attack would undoubtedly be batting those big, bright eyes as they playfully roll about, melting even the most hardened of hearts and luring their opponent ever closer… to their doom!

Marcus Fenix – Gears of War Series                                                                  

The gritty, stoic war hero is intimately familiar with death and loss after serving his career through multiple wars, each taking it’s tole.  Marcus spent the majority of his life in the most hellish environments imaginable, fighting a global conflict that decimated the human race, before having to stave off their extinction at the hands of the Locust Horde.  A lifetime of destruction shaped Fenix into the kind of soldier that kept him alive through decades of war – namely, the kind that doesn’t stopped shooting until things stop moving.  There are worse things to go up against than Sergeant Marcus Michael Fenix, but not many, so it’s no surprise that he’s going to make an appearance on our roster.  Marcus is versed in all manner of COG weaponry, including the iconic Mk 2 Lancer, which is never far from his side.  Ranged attacks will include automatic fire from his Lancer in addition to the Torque Bow for a special, ranged power attack.  When the fighting gets personal, the sweet sound of chains-a-buzzing will fill the air as Fenix fires up that chainsaw bayonet, carving into his opponent like a holiday bird.  Special attacks could include a deployable stationary Vulcan Cannon, providing limb-shearing firepower and accuracy by volume.

                                                                                       Master Chief – Halo Series

What can you say about the Master Chief that hasn’t already been said?  In the Halo universe, he’s one of the most decorated veterans in history, in addition to being singularly responsible for it’s salvation on multiple occasions.  Instantly recognizable, he’s the de facto mascot of Xbox and it’s been said that the Halo franchise was the life support of the platform, in it’s early days.  There has always been a polarized community surrounding Halo (as with any successful exclusive title), but despite the intrinsic negativity, any game this popular has to have done something very, very right.  The Chief, Spartan, the Reclaimer, the Demon or John – whatever you want to call him, the man is a living legend.  He’s set to star in a new trilogy, beginning this year, which I’m both excited and hesitant to see it come about, but I’ll keep my reservations to myself.  For now, let’s focus on what the Master Chief has done and what we know he’s capable of doing.  The Chief’s abilities run the gamut from strength and reflexes to speed and endurance, all of the superhuman variety.  His physical abilities are further complimented by a lifetime of strategic preparation, tactical training, intelligence and good ole’ fashioned luck.  Pile on a heaping helping of Mjolnir Powered Assault Armor, a veritable cornucopia of futuristic gadgetry and the most tricked out vehicles ever to traverse land, sea, air or beyond.  Finally, place the most lethally efficient weaponry mankind has ever assembled in the hands of man that compartmentalizes fear and doesn’t consider failure an option, and you’ve got a Sierra-117 sundae, with extra nuts.  There are literally so many different attacks, powers, moves and abilities Master Chief could employ in a fighting game that it would be a pointless exercise trying to pick the most deserving.  Since this character means so much to so many, use your imagination, decide what you want your Spartan to do – then tell everyone in the comments below.  My Master Chief will use dual SMGs and a Spartan Laser for long range power.  He’ll use the bubble shield to deflect incoming fire and call down MAC rounds from an orbiting super-cruiser for a special attack – but that’s just me, that’s my Chief.

Orta – Panzer Dragoon Orta                                                                                     

Panzer Dragoon Orta landed on the original Xbox in 2002 before becoming backwards compatible for the Xbox 360 some five years later.  It follows the story of Orta, a young girl that has been imprisoned in a tower all her life by a group that claims she is the harbinger of their doom.  Despite her very Rapunzel-esque origins, Orta is quickly freed by a mysterious laser-shooting dragon which she subsequently rides, delivering laser-y justice throughout the lands as her story unfolds.  In situations where a dragon that shoots lasers isn’t enough (though it always is), Orta is also equipped with a rapid-fire pistol which she uses for…something, I guess.  Maybe to tickle her laser-shooting dragon?  In any case, Orta enters our roster highly seeded, because you know, if I haven’t mentioned it yet she’s got a dragon.  That shoots lasers.  A laser-shooting dragon.  When you’ve got one of those, you can pretty much do whatever you want, whenever you want, as long as it’s from the back of your automatic-dragon-laser-gun-death-ray.

Laser Dragon.

                                                                              PitGirl – Monday Night Combat

Another character from Monday Night Combat makes the list, and before you raise your pitchforks and torches in protest, I encourage you take a look at Bullseye above for precedence in the landmark case of Allowable? v. ‘Cause I said so!  PitGirl is an important inclusion in the fighter because in edition to being an exceedingly diverse character in her own universe, she targets the very important demographic of ages 16 – “anyone with a pulse.”  She’s the ultimate girl-next-door type, if you happen to live next to a classic car mechanic / LFL training camp (Google at your own risk.)  Like most everyone in the Monday Night Combat universe, PitGirl is a clone comprised of some notable DNA which I have included, verbatim, from her bio because it’s six-thousand times funnier than anything I could try and come up with: “Distinguished Miss Hooters International winners, Thomas Edison, the 1979 Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders, Jimmy Johnson’s 2007 Tissot Pit Road Precision Award winning NASCAR pit crew”; so as you can see, she’s stacked, with great talent – ahthankyou.  In all seriousness, PitGirl can pull her weight when it comes to the time honored tradition of proving your inherent superiority over another through blunt force trauma and subsequent mockery.  She’s got a knack for fixing machines and turrets using a wide variety of tools and techniques, and therein lies  her strength.  Her specialties in our fighting game should include automated turret dispensation in addition to the aforementioned trauma, of a blunt nature, delivered by the business end of an over-sized crescent wrench.  Despite her charming southern belle accent, I will again have to insist that Mickey Cantor, the official announcer of Monday Night Combat, brighten our lives with color commentary for her bouts.

Sergeant Major Avery Junior Johnson – Halo Series                                 

“Men, here is where we show those split-chin, squid-head, sons of b****es that they could not have picked a worse enemy than the human race. We are going to blow the hell out of those dumb bugs until we don’t have anything left to shoot ‘em with! And then, we are going to strangle them with their own living guts! Am I right, Marines?”  Sgt. Johnson was the tough-as-nails deuteragonist in his part of the Halo cannon.  Part heart-breaker, part life-taker, the man was a gung-ho dynamo that rallied his way through the Human-Covenant war with sheer sticktoitiveness.  He trained in covert SpecOps warfare, volunteered for “enhancement” procedures and knew his way around the cold, hard curves of the finest weaponry humanity had to offer; making him the kind of guy you want covering your butt, rather than whippin’ it.  When going toe-to-toe with some the best this platform has to offer, Sgt. Johnson will no doubt bring his A-game, along with an arsenal of military grade munitions for devastating ranged proficiency.  A high-powered battle rifle for medium range, his sniper rifle for longer targets, and the conversation stopper, his shotgun, for those up-close-and-personal affairs.  Powered attacks should include the double-barreled M119 SSM rocket launcher and the ability to call in a Pelican airship to fill his opponent’s belly full of molten hot lead – bon appétit!  After a victorious fight, Johnson pulls out a Sweet William cigar, lights up and drops a one-liner to the likes of, “Sorry, I can’t hear you with my bullet in your mouth!” Ooh-rah, Sarge.  Ooh-rah.

                                                                                ‘Splosion Man – ‘Splosion Man

‘Splosion Man quite literally exploded onto the scene back in 2009 when developer Twisted Pixel asked the question, “what would happen if you crossed a weaponized, sentient explosion with cliched catchphrases from the 1980′s?”  The answer was the titular character who’s penchant for self-detonation is outdone only by his eccentric behavior.  While fighting through the labs of Big Science, ‘Splosion Man shows us how he deals with anyone standing in the way of his freedom – the only way he knows how, ‘Splodin’.  Now you might be wondering how exactly a character with only one move is going to make his way onto the roster of a fighting game, and it’s a fair question; though when that move is a sudden and violent burst of fiery destruction, he doesn’t need anything else.  ‘Splosion Man would be a close range powerhouse, ‘splodin’ with different levels of power allowing for quick, little “oh, was Chinese New Year tonight?” ‘splosions all the way up to massive “hide yo kids, hide yo wife” ‘splosions.  So what about ranged combat, he would be at a disadvantage if he couldn’t turn up the heat from a distance.  To that I say, ‘Splosion Man is a projectile!  Violently detonating in a direction of his choosing, he’ll fly towards the opposition at the speed of ‘splode, giving new meaning to “terminal velocity.”

Wu The Lotus Blossom – Jade Empire                                                                   

Bioware’s last epic RPG for the original Xbox, Jade Empire was a beautiful, dense journey through a fictional land inspired by the culture and mythos of ancient China.  Wu the Lotus Blossom was one of six playable characters, she embodied a versatile balanced style, performing admirably in all disciplines.  While there are a number of capable warriors in the land of Jade Empire, Wu certainly stands out as the marquee character of the bunch.  This could be because she was featured principally on the box art and most of the promotional media, or it could be because she’s pretty easy on the eyes, maybe both.  In any case, Wu knows her way around a fight, using the Legendary Strike style she’s able to rain kicks down on her opponents so fast, she makes Chun-Li look mildly lethargic.  In case the fancy footwork isn’t enough for you, she’s also well versed with swords and magic, allowing her to slow her opponents through the Heavenly Wave style and finish off with a few well place cleaves.  Special moves should include the ability the temporarily slow your opponent as well as the ability to briefly transform into the various demons that inhabit Jade Empire’s lore, utilizing their ancient powers to decimate the competition.

                                                                                                     “You” – Xbox Avatar

This one is a bit of a no-brainer.  While all major consoles have an avatar scheme in place, the Xbox 360 took it to the next level in allowing near unlimited customization in the form of downloadable items.  If we can play golf, build a city or rock the stage with our personal avatars, we ought to be able to stomp our beloved gaming heroes senseless and look great doing it.  Naturally the move list for “Your Avatar” fighter would have to be static.  My XBL gamertag is IAmNotAMonster, so naturally I chose the werewolf costume for my avatar (get it, it’s contradictory) – but that doesn’t mean I’ll get a special lupine-centric move list, despite how desperately I want that to happen.  Still, there’s something to be said for the personal connection a player can feel when using their own customized champion and something I would love to see in practice.  Outside of your standard punch/kick moves you could see default Xbox branding used for special moves.  Hurl a controller at your opponent and yank on the cord to pull them into range, etc.  This would also be a great opportunity for Microsoft to do some fan service and poke a little fun at themselves;  give Your Avatar a self-destruct move where they start flashing the red ring of death, signifying their impending destruction, a la Logan’s Run.

Have I shamed us all by forgetting a character that absolutely has to be included?  Do you have a sweet idea for a move, ability or power that I’ve neglected above?  Now’s your chance to lemme know.  Don’t be shy, fire away in the comments below and tell us your thoughts.

The demo will be made available globally for download on the Xbox LIVE Marketplace beginning on July 3rd, meaning Playstation Network subscribers will need to hold on to those tokens until they will have access to the demo starting on September 4th in North America/Japan and September 5th in Europe.

There is no mention on the reason for this period of exclusivity but it wouldn’t be the first time digital content intended for a multi-platform release graced one ahead of another. The recently released Darkness II demo appeared on Xbox Live several days before it was available on PSN. Similarly, the first two planned DLC installments for The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim will be made available 30 days before any other platform.

I assume that the Resident Evil hype machine in conjunction with the mass appeal of the series, will be used to leverage those consumers on the fence with regard to platform, in the direction of the Xbox 360. Despite the almost guaranteed success of the forthcoming Resident Evil installment, I suppose this could be seen as an effort to lock in early bird pre-orders on Microsoft’s platform, before the opportunity to sample the Playstation port. In any case, let’s hope the demo gives us a reason to hand over our $59.99, a good faith investment on a game we’ll need to own.

Resident Evil 6 is scheduled for release on November 20, 2012.

TESV: Skyrim landed, nay, impacted on the scene back in November and the reverberations are still being felt throughout.  A quick glance at my list of virtual friends tells me no less than two would-be adventurers are playing it at any one time.  It speaks volumes in this day and age when an offering with no multiplayer component has the kind of staying power we’ve come to associate with all incarnations of the The Elder Scrolls series.  Furthermore, if we used Oblivion’s shelf life as a measuring stick, we could surmise that Skyrim is going to be spinning in disc drives and squatting in hard drives for months if not years to come.

Below you’ll find an embedded playlist of fifteen high-definition, commentated video walkthroughs designed to net you over a dozen fantastical daedric artifacts, all for the price of admission (which is free.)  Contained within each part – blood, sweat and tears notwithstanding – are a few laughs, a whole lot of information and an exciting quest that will yield a powerful item of deadric lore upon completion.  Once you’ve collected said mystical relics you will be the proud recipient of the “Oblivion Walker” Achievement/Trophy; a staple for any collector of virtual milestones.  Hopefully you enjoy and find these walkthroughs helpful; I personally love these quests because they’re the quintessential reason I enjoy this genre – to travel to distant lands, meet unfathomably powerful entities and take their l00tz!

For a better experience, visit this playlist on our Youtube channel found HERE.  Otherwise, enjoy below:

Like those before it, this pack will run you $4 on the Playstation Network and 320 Microsoft points on Xbox Live.  A small price to pay for the chance to savagely maul your opponents with some classic Marvel lore via Weapon X.

AMATERASU

FELICIA

WOLVERINE

ROCKET RACCOON

Capcom will be continuing the fan service with these DLC packs for some time.  Snag these four pieces now or hold out until the complete content bundle becomes available on March 6th for $20.

In Give ‘Em The Boot, we’re taking a look at those franchises that could not only benefit from a reboot, but pull it off well and produce a pretty awesome gaming experience.  For your consideration; the gritty, impossible world of Pokemon – The Reboot.

Pokemon: It raised an entire generation of gamers on the premise that collecting some of anything just isn’t enough, you Gotta Catch Them All, and that’s precisely what they did.  Almost two decades later, Pokemon is the second best-selling video game franchise of all time, boasting nearly forty independent entries to it’s name.  With an impressive resume like that you would have to ask yourself, “If it ain’t broke, why fix it?”

Question: What’s the one thing that Pokemon doesn’t have going for it?  If you were to say, “the roughly 20 million children and impressionable hoarders that bought the first games”…you can see where this is going.  The franchise is primarily targeted at a younger demographic and while it’s perfectly acceptable understandable to want to catch Pokemon ’till the end of your days, the majority of users are youngsters – and youngsters grow up.  When that happens they usually lose interest in collecting the technicolor pocket monsters of their childhood and gravitate towards things that don’t look like the cartoon mascot for a breakfast cereal.

So it begs the question, how do you recapture the perpetually amassing division of disenfranchised Pokemaniacs?  By giving them what they want, which is to say an incarnation of their beloved Pokemon that reflects the changes they’ve undergone themselves while maintaining everything they love about the series.  In short, the Pokemon: All Growed Up edition.

Maturity Level

It’s got to go up;  growing up means waking up to the harsh realities that persist outside the cocoon of innocence.  The world can be a tough and scary place and the gaming medium is slowly starting to mimic these realist ideals.  Pokemon: All Growed Up will cater to the audience that has a grasp on the meaning of finality and understands how risk-versus-reward is affected by permanent consequences.  Let’s not beat around the bush – Your Pokemon are going to die.

Gone will be the days where that adorable little seahorse that sneezes glitter could be considered a viable battle option.  While charming, it’s Super-Bubble-Hug attack will be all but a novelty when faced against the sheer visceral carnage delivered at the claws of my Killumaimasaurus X.  These “monsters” will be the genuine reflection of their environments and exhibit the real world predatory instincts necessary for survival.  Well, just see for yourself…

Plausibility

Since mankind arrived on the scene, we’ve been the masters of our domain.  Having no natural predators will do that to a species because when you’re not worried about, ya’ know… getting eaten, you have the kind of free time needed to engineer culture, technology and big, big guns.  Which is why the premise for Pokemon falls just short of the, “Yeah, that could happen” mark.  In what world do giant fire-breathing lizards and massive serpents made of rock peacefully coexist with the dominant species on the planet?  Humans as a collective are entirely too insecure to let potentially lethal alpha predators exist in any capacity other than as a caged attraction.  Around these parts, contact with the living embodiment of our inability to survive in the wild is done behind six-inch safety glass and will set you back a twenty.

For these reasons, Pokemon: All Growed Up must strive to create a realistic scenario in which mankind hasn’t killed off everything that could potentially return the favor.  It’s got make the argument that domesticating these creatures is the better alternative to their swift and merciless annihilation.  I’ve taken the liberty of preparing a scenario below but for those following along at home, feel free to swap in your own setting if it sounds better.

The “Cut Off” From Society Scenario

“In the not-too-distant future, mankind became the first documented species to reach out to the heavens and leave it’s home world. Highly publicized colonization endeavors were celebrated by every member of humanity as we marveled at our own ascendancy.  However, there were some that had become too impatient with the progress of the program and sought to send missions to unverified worlds in the name of expanding the human dominion.

The first of these expeditions sent many thousands of colonists to the planet designation (insert letter/number combination) in order to establish a colony and infrastructure.  After six months on the surface, the planet was deemed inhospitable due to lack of suitable resources to sustain a large scale expeditionary force in conjunction with relentless attacks from hostile native wildlife.  The mission was deemed a failure and those responsible for it’s conception disavowed all knowledge of the expedition, breaking contact and sealing the records of it’s existence.

Some sixty years later, the colony has expanded and it’s people have returned to the primitive lifestyle of their ancestors.  They cultivate the land and nourish a young society within several large, walled settlements; their only defense against the hundreds of savage, predatory species that inhabit the planet.  Nearly all remnants of their once spectacular technology have fallen into disrepair; yet small fragments remain, allowing the intrepid and audacious to tame the feral creatures of this world and pit them against each other for sport and prestige.”

Maintain What Works

There is a reason Pokemon has become one of the most popular game franchises in history – it’s got a lot going for it.  There’s no reason to completely rewrite the book when it’s got some great chapters that work as intended.  Here are the pillars that hold up this gaming franchise and why they’re going to make a comeback in the reboot.

Fantastical Element

Imagination is a powerful, limitless tool.  It’s the catalyst for our need to create and the instrument in our urge to escape.  Pokemon plucks the imaginative string by offering an experience that could never be – in this case, the fantastical titular creatures that would never exist in the real world.  Now, add in the ability to capture, tame or domesticate these beasts and you satisfy another of humanities inherent needs; to assert ourselves over others.

By capturing that enormous, eight-legged cave dweller covered in spikes, you’ve not only satisfied the urge to interact with the impossible, but you’ve asserted your dominance over something that could swallow you whole and still have room for seconds.  This is the core of the franchise – discovery and subjugation, and Pokemon: All Growed Up is going to take it to the next level.

Evolving and Collecting

Pokemon can attribute it’s popularity in part to the fact that it constantly rewards the player through tried and true role playing elements that are now commonplace in nearly every genre.  While it wasn’t the first game series to incorporate these mechanics, it did it so, so well.  Pokemon imparts a sense of accomplishment in an endless cycle of leveling up your minions and their abilities, only to evolve them into new creatures with even more skills and abilities that you must in turn level up again, and so on and so forth.

Every step of the way you’re rewarded with something new so the element of discovery reinforces the feeling of accomplishment and makes for an enveloping personalized experience.  Now couple this constantly evolving experience with the ability to collect a finite number of these creatures and you’ve just concocted a diabolical cycle of addiction – I hope you’re proud of yourself.  It’s the gaming equivalent of a habit that you can’t kick no matter how hard you try and it’s the glue that holds it all together.

 The Verdict

If you’ve stuck around this far into my grandiose vision of a world where giant horrible monsters are captured and made to fight to the death against their own kind, then you’re probably on board – so welcome, it’s good to have you.  Maybe you share my sentiment at how deep and thoroughly rewarding this reboot could be whilst simultaneously piquing the interest of those that want a mature storytelling experience.  Unfortunately for us, this game will likely never see the light of day with any ties to the original brand given the nature of the content in contrast with the vision of the franchise owner – but that’s fine.  If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery then maybe one day we’ll see an idea like this fleshed out, and it will have started with those loveable little pocket monsters – all 649 of them.