The Geeky Chef

Lemon Cakes

2013-03-15T21:38:00.003-07:00

From A Song of Ice and Fire by George R. R. Martin

George R. R. Martin's epic fantasy series A Song of Ice and Fire is notorious not only for its graphic violence and political intrigue but also for its loving and lengthy descriptions of food, with passages spanning several pages to describe one meal. They're really my kind of books! It's almost impossible to choose just one dish or treat, so I made a poll for you all to help me decide. It ended up being the closest poll in Geeky Chef history, Lemon Cakes beat out the Garlic and Herb Crusted Rack of Lamb and the Honey Cakes by just a few votes. Those of you who voted for other things, don't fret! You can still try out all the tasty options. There's an amazing site called The Inn at the Crossroads dedicated solely to the food of ASoIaF and historical cuisine, you should really give it a visit. As many of you probably know, Game of Thrones (the HBO television adaption of A Song of Ice and Fire) is about to begin its third season, and most of us have eagerly anticipated seeing our favorite characters again. I personally plan to make a feast to celebrate and my version of Sansa Stark's favorite dessert, Lemon Cakes, is on the menu. The Lemon Cakes are mentioned pretty often in the books, but not described in detail. My impression of them was that they were a sort of tea-time treat for young lords and ladies to enjoy. I pictured them being very rustic in appearance and having a dense, moist texture with intense lemon flavor. My cakes are just that, and baked with a sweetened lemon slice for garnish. I hope you like them!

On a related note: I recently attended WootStock with Wil Wheaton, Paul and Storm, and Adam Savage. It was amazing! During Paul and Storm's live set they treated us with a musical plea to George R. R. Martin to write faster, which I'm sure most of us can relate to. If you haven't seen it already, check out the official video.

Ingredients:

2 1/2 cups flour

1 tsp. salt

1/2 tsp. baking powder

1/2 tsp. baking soda

4 tbs. lemon zest

3/4 cup fresh lemon juice

1 cup butter, melted

1 cup buttermilk

2 1/2 cup sugar

2 eggs

2 lemons, thinly sliced and seeded

Directions: Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Boil lemon slices for about 15 minutes in 1 cup of water and 1 cup of sugar. Grease a muffin tin with butter, vegetable oil or non-stick spray. In a mixing bowl, combine flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. In another bowl, beat butter and 1 cup of sugar until light and fluffy. Beat in eggs. Beat in 2 tablespoons of lemon juice. Beat in flour mixture and then buttermilk. Place 1 lemon slice in the bottom of each muffin cup. Divide batter between cups, pour over the lemon slices. Bake until cakes are firm and golden, about 15 to 20 minutes. Remove from oven and let cool. Mix together remaining lemon juice and sugar. Poke holes into the cakes, then slowly pour lemon and sugar mixture over the cakes so the juice gets absorbed into the cakes, let set for about 5-10 minutes. Remove cakes from muffin cups and serve lemon slice side up!

Photo by The Geeky Chef

Beorn's Honey Cake

2012-12-12T16:37:00.000-08:00

From The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien

I'm super excited to present Geeky Chef's first submission post! This recipe was created by Alex Muensch (thank you, Alex!) and it was submitted just in time for the release of the new Hobbit movie based on the book by Tolkien. In The Hobbit, these cakes were made for Bilbo and the rest of the crew by the bear shapeshifter Beorn. The recipe is mostly a secret, except that everyone knows it contains honey like most of the foods Beornings eat. You know, cuz they're bears and bears eat honey... Get it? Beornings are known throughout Middle-Earth for their wonderful baking skills, but especially for their honey-cakes, which are almost as filling as Lembas Bread. However, they are supposed to make you very thirsty. Alex's recipe is delicious and full of honey flavor and sweet enough to make you really want a drink; It would make any Beorning proud. I know I'm going to make this and bring it with me when I see The Hobbit! I suggest you do the same.

Ingredients:

For the cake:

2 eggs

2/3 cup clover honey

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1 1/2 cup all-purpose flour

2 teaspoons baking powder

A small pinch of baking soda (to counter the honey's acidity)

1 teaspoon salt

1 cup heavy whipping cream

For the frosting:

3/4 cup confectioner's sugar

1/2 stick unsalted butter

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1 tablespoon honey

1 tablespoon heavy whipping cream

1/4 cup chopped toasted walnuts

Directions:
Preheat oven to 325 F. Grease a 8 or 9 inch cake pan. Beat eggs in a mixing bowl until thick. Add the honey and vanilla, mix well. Combine the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt in another bowl. In three parts, add the dry mixture alternately with the cream to the egg mixture, beginning and ending with the dry mixture. Mix each addition well. Pour batter into pan. Bake for 30-40 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Let cool. To make the frosting, mix butter and sugar until creamed. Add vanilla, honey, and whipping cream and mix. Lastly, stir in walnuts. Spread the finished frosting on top of the cake once it is cooled.

Photo and recipe by Alex Muensch

Elixir Soup

2012-12-01T13:22:00.002-08:00

From The Legend of Zelda: The Windwaker

I have to say, this is my most requested recipe. I generally try to space out recipes that are from the same universe, but due to the popularity of this soup and the winter season AND the fact that I'm sorta sick and am totally considering finally beating Windwaker while I'm homebound... I figured now is the time. This soup is so delicious and nutritious I guarantee it will replenish all of your life energy and magic power. I have to admit, when I first saw the trailers and demos for Windwaker I was kind of disappointed. After the amazing and realistic (for the time) graphics of Ocarina of Time, I had wanted the new Zelda for the new Nintendo system to be even more stunning. Initially, I refused to play the game until a very wise friend of mine sat me down and made me play and it's now one of my favorite Zelda games, even the cell shading grew on me. If you have for any reason skipped this Zelda, do yourself a favor and give it a shot, you won't be dissapointed. In the game, this soup is given to Link by his Grandmother after he heals her with a fairy. Not only is this Link's favorite soup, it is pretty much the best consumable in the game because it heals both your life and magic bars and doubles Link's attack power. Goes to show, even in the enigmatic world of Hyrule, there's nothing like your Grandma's cooking! My interpretation uses Vitamin C rich vegetables such as yellow squash, carrots and turnips combined with the indisputable healing powers of chicken broth and citrus and satiety effects of butter to create a delicious and flavorful soup that will make you feel invincible. Now THAT is one hearty soup!

Ingredients:

1lb Yellow Squash, chopped

6 tbsp Butter

2 Turnips, peeled and chopped

2 Carrots, chopped

1/4 Cup Cauliflower, chopped

1 medium Yellow Onion, chopped

4 tbs. Lemon Juice

4 Cups Chicken Broth (or Veggie Broth if vegetarian)

3 Garlic Cloves, minced or chopped fine

1 Yellow Chile, de-seeded and chopped (optional)

Salt and Pepper to taste

Chives or Green Onions, chopped fine

Directions:
Melt the butter in a large pot over medium-low heat, cook the yellow onion and garlic until softened, around 8-10 minutes. Add the squash, carrots, cauliflower, turnip, lemon juice, chile (if using) and half of the broth and bring to a boil. Reduce heat, then simmer, until vegetables are very tender, about 20 minutes. Remove from the heat and let cool for about 10 minutes or until soup won't burn you. Puree the soup in a blender or food processor until smooth (be careful with hot liquids) and transfer to the cleaned or a new pot. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Simmer on low until you serve, adding more broth until desired consistency. Put in your serving vessel (preferably a corked glass bottle) and add the copped chives or green onions to the surface of the soup for garnish. Drink it with a smile!

Fish Fingers and Custard

2012-11-14T16:34:00.000-08:00

From the Doctor Who television series

Alright, Whovians, you got your wish! Fish Fingers and Custard, also known as Fish Custard, is a dish enjoyed by the 11th Doctor shortly after his regeneration. The dish has a sort of emotional relevance to the celebrated relationship between the Doctor and Amelia Pond, you can watch the complete scene here to see its introduction. Fish Fingers and Custard does not seem like something a normal person might want too eat, not all of us are time lords with pregnancy-like food preferences. In reality, Matt Smith, the actor who plays the newest Doctor, was actually eating breaded coconut cakes during this scene. So, there were two possible options to make this idea palatable: you either make the fish fingers into some sort of pastry, or you make the custard into something savory that compliments fried fish. I have found many recipes already that make this dish into more of a dessert (I recommend this one if you want to go that route) but I have never been one to go sweet unless the dish was intended to be a dessert, so I decided to make a savory version. My recipe pairs a panko and coconut battered fried fish finger (coconut added as tribute to the reality of the scene) and tangy lemon honey mustard dipping sauce (that basically looks like custard) which compliments it perfectly.

Ingredients:

For the fish fingers:

1/2 cup flour

2 eggs

1 tbs. milk

1lb tilapia filets, cut into 1 inch strips (cod or haddock will also work)

1 cup of panko breadcrumbs

1 cup of coconut flakes

Frying oil (how much depends on the size of your pan)

Salt and Pepper to taste

For the custard:

1/2 cup mayonnaise

2 tbsps yellow mustard (prepared)

1 tbsp dijon mustard

2 tbsps honey

1 tbsp lemon juice

2 cloves minced garlic

Directions:
Make sure fish is cut into 1 inch thick strips. Combine the flour, salt, and pepper in a shallow bowl. Beat the eggs with the milk in another shallow bowl. Mix the breadcrumbs and coconut in a third shallow bowl. Coat each fish piece in seasoned flour, dip in the eggs mixture and then roll in the panko and coconut mixture. Set aside until ready to cook. Heat 1/2 inch of oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. In small batches, fry the fish sticks until golden brown, about 2 minutes per side. Drain on a paper towel-lined plate. To make the custard sauce simply combine all ingredients together and mix thoroughly. Liberally dip fish fingers in the custard sauce and enjoy!

Cellular Peptide Cake with Mint Frosting

2012-10-10T17:18:00.000-07:00

From the Star Trek: The Next Generation television series

Some of you might assume the Geeky Chef has mad cake decorating skillz. Not so. I have horrible, sloppy cake decorating skills with an "s" instead of a "z." However, I am quite proud of how this cake turned out. Even if your own cake decorating skill(s/z) are not so great, I guarantee you can pull this cake off. Now, I am a huge vulcan-saluting, prime-directive-abiding, starfleet-loving trekkie. The Next Generation is my favorite Star Trek series, and Phantasms is one of my very favorite episodes in the series. In the episode the android Data has a program installed in his positronic brain so he can dream like a human. Apparently, androids do not dream of electric sheep, they dream of Deanna Troi cakes and brain slurpees. The cake is described by an uncharacteristically excited Worf as a "cellular peptide cake with mint frosting." The dream sequence is a delve into surrealism, jarringly unusual for the series, and it is absolutely hilarious. Here's a clip of what in my opinion is the best two and half minutes of Star Trek history. Cellular peptide isn't actually a thing, but it is described in the episode as a chain of molecules found in living things. The recipe I made is for a yummy moist white cake with some very blue mint flavored frosting. I used yogurt as a moistener for the cake itself because yogurt contains living bacteria. You can also go the lazy route and just buy pre-made white cake and pre-made frosting and add some mint extract to the frosting; The point is really to make the cake look like Deanna's starfleet uniform. Whether you make it from scratch or buy it pre-made, the cake will be mmmm... delicious.

Ingredients:

For the cake:

2 3/4 cups flour

1 2/3 cups sugar

1 tablespoon baking powder

3/4 teaspoon salt

3/4 cup softened unsalted butter

4 eggs whites

1 egg

1 cup vanilla yogurt

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

1 teaspoon almond extract

For the frosting:

1 1/2 c. confectioners sugar

2 tbsp. milk

1 tbsp. shortening

1/2 tsp. vanilla

1/8 tsp. mint or peppermint extract or to taste

blue food coloring

black food coloring or use one of these methods to make black frosting

Directions:
Preheat the oven to 350°F. Mix all of the dry ingredients. Add the softened butter and mix until crumbly. Add the egg whites, then the whole egg. Beat well. In a separate bowl whisk the yogurt with the two extracts. Add this mixture to the batter. Beat until fluffy. Pour the batter into a small square baking pan. Bake for 30-40 minutes or until a knife or toothpick inserted into the center will come out clean when done. Let the cake cool and set. While it sets, you should prepare the frosting. Mix all the frosting ingredients in the order listed in small bowl. Beat until you reach a creamy consistency. Add more sugar if the frosting is too thin. Split the frosting into two bowls. In one bowl, add the blue food coloring. You will need a lot to get a deep blue. In the other bowl, mix in the black food coloring. Cut off part of the sides to make a T or torso shape. Emulate this picture when frosting.

Peeta's Cheesey Buns

2012-09-12T14:52:00.000-07:00

From The Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins

Here it is folks! Peeta Mallark's famous cheesey buns! Suzanne Collin's young adult trilogy has gained a lot of popularity lately after the release of the film version. It has been praised for its emotionally compelling storyline, character development and strong female protagonist. Due to it's themes of starvation and deprivation, Hunger Games often has extremely detailed and loving descriptions of food, making it one of Geeky Chef's favorite YA novels. There are so many dishes in Hunger Games that make your mouth water just reading about them that I wasn't sure where to start, so I called a vote. I was not surprised that Cheesey Buns won out. Not only are they delicious cheesey carbs (which, let's face it, everyone loves) they are also a favorite of Katniss and are baked for her by her love interest, Peeta. In comparison with the quality of food most people in District 12 are used to, these buns are certainly decadent and rich. In the book Catching Fire, Katniss describes these buns as soft bread with cheese baked on top, a bit greasy and messy to eat. I made a fluffy pull-apart bun, with a mixture of sharp cheddar and gruyere both inside the bun and on top as described in the book. Working with dough and is not an easy thing to do, so be careful to make sure your dough is a good consistency... And may the odds be ever in your favor!

Ingredients:

3 cups flour

1 packet active dry yeast

1 tbs sugar

1 tsp salt

3/4 cup shredded sharp cheddar cheese

3/4 cup shredded gruyere cheese

1/2 cup warm milk

1/2 cup warm water

1 1/2 tablespoons olive oil

3 tbs cup butter, melted

Directions:

Preheat your oven to 375º Fahrenheit. Grease a small pan. Combine 1 1/2 cups flour, sugar, salt and the yeast in a large mixing bowl, thoroughly mix. Toss in 1/2 cup of each cheese. Add the warm milk, warm water and the oil. Beat for about 5 minutes. Gradually stir in the rest of the flour until you have a soft dough. Put dough on a floured board. Knead the dough until it is elastic and not sticky, adding more flour if necessary. Place in a greased bowl and then flip the dough over to grease the other side. Cover the dough with plastic wrap. Let the dough rise in a warm environment for approximately one half hour. Punch the dough down, cover again and let rest for 10 more minutes. Cut dough into 20 separate pieces. Shape each into a sphere. Dip each ball in melted butter. Arrange balls in two layers in the small well greased pan. Cover with a paper towel. Let rise in warm place until balls are almost to top of pan, about one hour. Sprinkle the remaining cheeses over the rolls. Bake on the lower rack of a preheated 375°F oven for about 35 minutes or until rolls are firm and golden. Let cool for 5 minutes and enjoy!!

Sweetroll

2012-08-15T17:38:00.000-07:00

From The Elder Scrolls: Skyrim video game

In honor of what many geeks consider to be the best game of 2011, I asked you guys which Skyrim food I should make a recipe for, and you guys chose the sweetroll! Although there's a plethora of interesting foods in Skyrim, I really wasn't surprised that sweetrolls won. The appearance of sweetrolls in Bethesda games has been a running gag for most of the developers run, appearing in all of the games in the Elder Scrolls series, as well as Fallout 3. They look different from game to game, taking on a very large mountainous shape in Skyrim. I pondered at how to achieve the most accurate size and shape for these delicious treats without anyone having to purchase any special mold. I found that the best way to Fus Ro Dah yourself up some sweetroll is to bake the rolls in a glass measuring cup, so you'll need an oven-safe 16oz measuring cup (such as Pyrex) to do this. It is never really divulged what ingredients are in a sweet roll but most would agree that it seems to be similar to a cinnamon bun. I went with a simple cinnamon bun cake recipe with cream cheese icing, and it is delicious. I suggest baking them on your day off before you begin playing for 15 hours straight and ignoring everything else you probably should be doing. I used to play Skyrim for 15 hours straight, until I took an arrow... OKAY, I won't. Make sure no one steals your sweetroll!

Ingredients:

For the cake:

1 1/2 cups flour

1/2 cup sugar

1/3 cup milk

1 egg

2 tsp. vanilla extract

2 tsp. baking powder

pinch of salt

2 tbs. cinnamon

1/4 cup butter, melted

For the filling:

1/4 cup butter, softened

1/4 cup brown sugar

1 Tbsp. cinnamon

1/2 cup chopped pecans

For the icing:

1/4 cup cream cheese, softened

2 tablespoons milk

1 1/2 cups powdered sugar

Directions:
This recipe makes two sweet rolls. Depending on how many oven-safe measuring cups you have, you can either make one at a time or both at once. Preheat oven to 350. Mix dry cake ingredients together. Separately, mix wet cake ingredients together. Add wet ingredients to the dry ingredients and mix thoroughly. Spray your oven-safe glass measuring cup with non-stick cooking spray. Add your batter to the measuring cup to the 1 cup or the 1 1/2 cup line, depending on how tall you want it. Bake at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for 30 minutes or until your can stick in a knife and it comes out clean. Remove measuring cup from the oven. Let the cake cool. Once cake is cool, remove it from the measuring cup carefully so it does not break. The cake is going to be upside down (so the wider part is at the bottom) and may be awkwardly rounded on the bottom side. To fix this, simply cut off the rounded bottom with a knife to make it level. Set the cake down with the wider leveled side on the bottom. Use a spoon or fork to carve a hole at the top of the cake, this is where you will put the filling. To make the filling mix together the butter, pecans, cinnamon and brown sugar. Stuff the mixture into the hole you created. For the icing, whisk together the softened cream cheese, powdered sugar and milk until smooth and thick. Gently pour the icing on top of the cake. Serve or have it all to yourself! Remember, in Skyrim, stealing a sweetroll is punishable by a night in jail.

Photo by JTM Games in the post "The Skyrim Sweet Roll"

Photo by KJ Taylor

Photo by The Geeky Chef

Chu Jelly

2011-11-02T20:31:00.000-07:00

From the Legend of Zelda Series by Nintendo

As most of you nerds probably know, later this month the latest Zelda title Skyward Sword will be released for the Wii! A while back I started a poll asking my readers which new Zelda recipe they'd like to see for the coming release of the game, and to my surprise, Chu Jelly won! The three other options included Elixir Soup, Rock Sirloin and Lon Lon Milk. I had a good idea at what I'd do for all four scenarios, and not to worry, I do plan to make them all in time. A girl's gotta save some love for future Zelda releases! I want to thank those of you who helped brainstorm over how to make Chu Jelly a reality on the Facebook page, there were some really great ideas being thrown around which I've tried to blend and incorporate into the final product. As Zelda fans will know, Chu Jelly is an edible bottle item in some of the newer Zelda titles. The jelly is obtained by defeating Chus or ChuChus, a sort of blob-like enemy which usually hangs out in dark damp areas like caves and dungeons. Different color Chu Jellies do different things, but typically restore Link's magic or health. Yellow Chu Jelly can be used as lantern oil, and is a life saver for our boy Link if he is stuck in a dark place. I've decided to go with a homemade jello recipe, including fruit juice to act as a sort of healthy restorative and tonic water to make the jelly UV reactive. This is definitely one of the easiest recipes to put together. Seriously, a creepy mentally stunted man-fairy could do it. However, it requires purchasing a suitable bottle for better accuracy and fun. You can find many different kinds of glass bottles online, I suggest finding one on Etsy. Or you could, I dunno, find some "special chickens" for a dude that looks suspiciously like Mario, but really Etsy is way easier. Also, in order for the jelly to glow when exposed to a black light, tonic water is needed. Tonic water has a bitter taste, so it can be substituted with regular water if taste is bigger priority to you than UV reactive jelly. On the 20th when Skyward Sword is released, you can have yourself a veritable Zelda feast and also put together some of Yeto's Pumpkin Soup and Chateau Romani for the occasion. Happy gaming adventures, Hylians!

Ingredients

3 cups Fruit Juice (I used Passionfruit but any juice will do, Apple will make it more transparent)

1 cup Tonic Water (regular water can substituted if you don't want the bitterness, but tonic water will make the jelly glow in a black light!)

Food Dyes (the colors of the Chu Jelly you want to emulate)

4 packets Gelatin

Honey or other sweetener (optional)

A glass pitcher or funnel

Directions
Make sure you have all your ingredients ready and accessible, because we are working with hot liquid and time-senstive gelatin. Bring your juice and tonic water to a boil. If you are adding sweetener to the mix to mask the tonic taste, add it as it boils. After the liquid has reached a boil, SLOWLY stir in the gelatin with a wooden spoon, careful not to add too much at once or it may clump. Pour the liquid into the pitcher. Add the liquid from the pitcher to your bottles. If you are using a funnel, funnel the liquid directly into your bottles. Add a few drops of the food coloring you want for that particular bottle into the liquid, and stir until the color is consistent throughout the bottle. Once the bottles look right, refrigerate them for about two hours or until the jelly has become a more jelly-like texture. Your can eat your jelly with a spoon, or you can stir the jelly up, add a small amount of additional juice, and drink it like Link. Also, no one tells you in the game, but Chu Jelly tastes totally great with whipped cream. Whip yourself up some Lon Lon cream and put it on top!

Chocolate Salty Balls

2011-08-03T18:34:00.000-07:00

From the South Park television series

I have always tried to keep this blog kid-friendly, but this is one of those things I just can't avoid forever. In honor of Isaac Hayes, I decided to create a Chocolate Salty Balls recipe using the ingredients from the song. I apologize in advance for any offense. Parents, please forgive me, and avert your children's eyes if you must. If you've been doing your job your kid won't get the joke anyway. South Park has always been a very controversial show, with topics that range from offensive to just plain disgusting. But, unlike many other similar television cartoon shows (I won't name which) it actually always has something to say, though the message may not be agreeable for everyone. Throughout it's 17 seasons the show has slowly evolved from a silly immature cartoon into a genuine satire, with honest and occasionally virtuous messages imbedded amongst the crude humor. Additional to decent writing, it has won the respect of many nerds everywhere with detailed references to such geeky things as World of Warcraft, Batman and Star Trek. One week from today is the three year anniversary of the death of Isaac Hayes, a talented and influential soul singer, and the man who voiced the beloved South Park character called Chef. Chef was the portly and promiscuous cafeteria cook for the first 10 seasons of the show. As one one of the more kind and down-to-earth characters, his advice was often sought by the four protagonists... though his advice generally manifested itself in totally inappropriate and non-relevant soul songs. The recipe I have for you today comes from one of those comedic misguided soul songs, probably the most popular song from the show, titled "Chocolate Salty Balls." You can listen here, or read here, but I warn you it's totally NSFW (or for the squeamish, or easily offended, OR children). The song basically describes a recipe for a salty spherical pastry to um, well... to suck on. Despite the obvious metaphor here, I thought a salty chocolate pastry sounded pretty darn good... and guess what? I was right! Chef's balls are delicious!

Ingredients

2/3 cup salted butter

1 1/2 cups sugar

1/4 cup brandy

4 cups semisweet chocolate chips

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

4 eggs

2 tablespoons cinnamon

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon table salt

Coarse sea salt, to taste

Directions
In a saucepan, bring the butter, sugar and brandy to a boil, stirring constantly. Remove from the heat. Stir (with a wooden spoon) in 2 cups of chocolate chips until melted. Remember to give that spoon a lick! Cool mixture slightly. Stir in vanilla. In a large mixing bowl, beat the eggs. Gradually add the chocolate mixture and mix well. Combine the flour, baking soda and salt, then gradually add the dry ingredients to the chocolate mixture. Stir in any remaining chocolate chips. Spread into a greased baking pan. Bake at 325 degrees for 35-45 minutes or until a fork inserted in the center comes out clean. Careful not to burn your balls! Let cool just enough that it won't burn your hands. Meanwhile set up a small plate or cutting board with some of the sea salt on it. Scrape up the brownie mix, working around the edges. You don't want to use the hard edges for the balls. Begin shaping 1″ balls out of the mix, give or take in size. Roll the balls in the salt. Do this very lightly (I suggest you do NOT try to emulate the picture), a little sea salt goes a very long way. If you do happen to oversalt, just brush the excess salt crystals off. Too much salt is bad, mmmkay? You're done, put 'em in your mouth and suck 'em!

Scrab Cakes

2011-05-01T11:27:00.000-07:00

From the Oddworld: Abe's Oddysee video game

In Oddworld: Abe's Oddysee you play as a slave worker at a meat processing factory called Rupture Farms, and you just found out your people are next in line to become a new Rupture Farms treat. As Abe, the Mudokon slave worker, you try to escape the factory while freeing as much Mudokons as you can along the way before you head out on your quest to bring down Rupture Farms and restore your people. Abe's Oddysee is a very underplayed game. It has a compelling story, dark and mysterious game design, a sense of humor, and challenging gameplay. I highly recommend it to anyone with an appetite for the slightly twisted. Speaking of appetites for the slightly twisted, our new recipe is for Scrab Cakes, one of the many morally questionable food products mass-produced by Rupture Farms. Made from violent but sacred creatures called Scrabs, the cakes are depicted as being a meat patty with a gooey green filling and a zigzag of some sort of orange sauce on top. In my recipe I've substituted Scrab meat for crab meat, for moral reasons. The cakes themselves are extremely flavorful, stuffed with spinach and avocado to act as the mysterious green filling, and a sort of simple spicy rémoulade to emulate the orange sauce on top. All of that delicious and nutritious scrab meat flavor, with (almost) none of the guilt. Unless you have a shellfish thing... In which case I'm truly sorry for your loss.

Ingredients

1 1/2 c. crabmeat

2/3 c. breadcrumbs

1 1/2 tsp. mustard

2 tbs. mayonnaise

1/3 c. shredded romano cheese

1 egg

1 clove garlic, finely chopped

1/2 tsp. worcheshire sauce

1 tbs. chopped scallion or shallots

1 lemon

1/2 tsp. cayenne pepper

Butter or olive oil

2 c. spinach, chopped

1 avocado, chopped

Hot sauce of your choice

Directions:
In a pan, sweat chosen onion and garlic in butter or olive oil for a few minutes. In a mixing bowl, combine the onion, garlic, bread crumbs, cheese, 1 1/2 tbs. of the mayonnaise, 1/2 the lemon juice, cayenne, mustard, egg, salt and crab. Combine chopped avocado and spinach, and toss with half of the remaining lemon juice. If it seems too wet add more flour, if it seems too dry add more condiments. Form 4-6 flat circular medallions with half the crab mixture. Place the spinach/avocado mixture in the center of each medallion. Pat the remaining crab mixture on the top of each medallion, covering the spinach and avocado. Pat the cakes into a patty shape. Chill the cakes for about an hour. In a large pan, heat butter or oil over medium heat. Add crab cakes and cook for about 4 minutes on each side or until browned. Let cool slightly. While cooling, make your rémoulade by mixing the remaining mayonnaise, lemon juice and hot sauce together. Drizzle the sauce in a zigzag on each of your cakes. Take pictures, then eat.

A little hard work never killed anyone important. The profits justify the means. Only 1,236 work related accidents this month, keep up the good work! Decapitation toll cut in half! Don't play with your food unless it plays with you first. Work hard, die young. You are who you eat. Mudokons entering this door will be slaughtered and packaged as disgusting yet yummy novelty meat products.

Murloco Taco Supreme

2011-03-02T17:43:00.000-08:00

From the World of Warcraft online game

Today I have for you the recipe for the best "fish" tacos in Azeroth. We've all seen the amusing and somewhat perplexing t-shirts. In the super popular MMORPG, World of Warcraft, Murlocs are a race of humanoid hut-dwelling amphibious fish creatures. Known for the annoying sound they make, their less than attractive appearance, their ability to come out of nowhere to gang up on you, and their talent of running away and alerting the whole freaking tribe of your presence... It's a wonder why anyone would ever want to kill and eat them. Anyway, it is true what J!NX says (the original creators of the Murloco's Tacos T-Shirt), that one does get tired of eating cooked bear meat day after day, and a nice fresh Murloco Taco Supreme is just the thing to wake those taste buds up! Though there are apparently Murloco's Taco locations everywhere from Orgrimmar to Silvermoon, sometimes you just don't want to waste all that time flying from flight path to flight path. The recipe is a delicious traditional Baja-style "fish" taco with a few small twists of my own.They are really simple to make, and a decent portion of the ingredients list is stuff you are likely to already have in your kitchen and none of it is terribly expensive. You can add some Murloc eyes and scales if you want, but I don't see why you would. Combine this with my Barbecued Buzzard Wings and Crunchy Spider Surprise and you could have yourself a WoW feast at your next LAN party.

Ingredients:

For the slaw:

1/2 c. chopped tomato

1/2 c. chopped green onions

1 lime

1/2 c. shredded cabbage

1/2 c. chopped avocado

2 tbs. cilantro

1 chopped, seeded, de-veined jalepeno

salt and pepper to taste

For the sauce:

1/4 c. plain yoghurt

1/4 c. mayonnaise

2 tsp. cumin

dash of hot sauce

2 tsp. chili powder

1 tsp. garlic powder

1 1/2 tbs. fresh dill

1/4 tsp. cayenne

For everything else:

1 1/2 lb. flaky white murloc meat (mahi mahi, cod, tilapia…)

1 c. beer of your choice (non-alcoholic beer will work great too)

1 c. flour

1 tsp. salt

canola, vegetable or safflower oil

corn tortillas

Directions:
In a medium sized bowl mix together the tomato, green onions, jalapeno, cabbage, avocado, cilantro, lime, salt and pepper to taste. In a separate bowl combine the yogurt, mayonnaise, cumin, chili powder, garlic powder, dill and cayenne. Stir yoghurt mixture together until smooth. Leave both mixtures as they are for now. In yet another bowl combine the flour, beer and salt. Stir thoroughly together until creamy, smooth and as lump free as possible. Cut up your pieces of fish into about 1 1/2 - 2 inch pieces. Add your fish to the beer batter mixture. Make sure all pieces are coated thoroughly. Heat some canola oil in a thick high-sided pot. Add the coated fish to hot oil, fry for about 5 minutes. Remove from pan and place on a paper towel to drain. On a pan-warmed tortilla, add a few pieces of fish. On top of fish, drizzle some of the white sauce, generously. Add some of your slaw on top of that. Sprinkle the whole thing with some additional lime juice, and add sour cream and some extra hot sauce if desired. Makes apprx. 7-10 tacos.

Chateau Romani

2011-01-09T23:35:00.001-08:00

From the Legend of Zelda: Majoras Mask video game

Zelda is my all time favorite video game series so I'm pretty excited to be posting another Zelda recipe. My Zelda love extends pretty far. Let's just say I did something permanent to my left shoulder in the shape of the Triforce. Personally, I think Majoras Mask is the most underrated Zelda game. Sure, it's a little weird (even for Zelda) and there's only four temples, but the level of interaction with the townspeople is massive. When I played it for the first time of many I spent hours just following people around and learning their routine and their stories, I didn't actually even try to complete the main questline for months. This particular recipe, voted for by you guys, is for a type of milk that only appears in this particular Zelda game. It's difficult to obtain in the game, both ways being pretty time intensive, but the result is definitely worth it as it's even better than Lon Lon milk. It comes from Romani Ranch, which is owned by two cute redhead sisters, Cremia and Romani (who both look suspiciously like Malon from Ocarina of Time), with some very special cows. It delivers exclusively to the Latte Milk Bar in East Clocktown, for only the most wealthy of people. The stuff sells for 200 rupees so you need to upgrade your wallet to even think about purchasing it, and that's only if you manage to save the cows from alien abduction. Chateau Romani will fully replenish your heart bar as well as give you unlimited magic, although it might make you a wee bit tipsy... making it absolutely perfect for boss fights! Keeping all of this in mind, the recipe I've come up with is for a super creamy delicious and decadent milk drink that infuses regular milk, french vanilla ice cream (has to be French, it will give that nice golden color it has in the game and, I mean, it's called "Chateau" Romani) and Baileys Irish Cream, as well as a little carbonation to give you that energy boost. The result looks just like it and is pretty darn tasty if not a little fattening. But, remember what Cremia said, this drink is not for children. Or you can just take out the Baileys, then it totally is.

Ingredients

1 or 2 smallish scoops french vanilla ice cream

1 c. milk

1/4 c. soda water

2 shots of Baileys Irish Cream (optional or substitute non-alcoholic Irish Cream)

cinnamon (optional)

nutmeg (optional)

Directions

Make sure all your liquid ingredients are properly chilled before making. Partially melt the ice cream in a microwave safe container. Keep in mind you don't want the ice cream to be completely liquid otherwise it's probably too warm, so make sure there's still some frozen lumps. Take your partially melted ice cream out. If you are going to add cinnamon or nutmeg, now is the time (you want to mix it in the ice cream itself because the fat from the cream will prevent the spices from clumping).Once that's done, stir the ice cream so it's smooth and lump-free and all the spices thoroughly mixed in and as unnoticeable as possible. Add the ice cream to your serving cup or drinking cup. Add in your Baileys, then your milk, then your soda water. Stir. Enjoy! I'd serve it in a bottle, too, just for aesthetics. Remember also that this drink is not a precise science, levels of each ingredient can be adjusted to fit your individual tastes. So if you wanna add a little more Baileys in that sucker...

Fish Biscuits

2010-11-17T10:30:00.000-08:00

From the LOST television series

The infamous fish biscuit first appeared in the television series LOST when characters Sawyer and Kate were locked up by the "Others" in the Polar Bear cage. The fish biscuit was the reward the polar bears received for solving the puzzle contraption in their cage, a feat which took Sawyer most of the day, but only took the polar bears a couple hours. When Sawyer did finally complete the puzzle, this not so appealing but nonetheless cute little fish biscuit came out. I was intending to make my own recipe for this one, I was thinking a citrus flavored shortbread would be perfect. However, after doing some research for a template to use for you guys to get the right shape, I discovered that KungFoodie had already thought of almost exactly what I intended to do, and even made a fish template. So here's a link to this great fish biscuit cookie cutter template thing (it's on the second page) and here's the adapted citrus sugar cookie recipe which originally appeared in Bon Appetit magazine, so y'all know it's going to be good. Because of their association with the consummation of Sawyer and Kate's love, these might be a good Valentines Day recipe. However, I think they'd be appropriate anytime of the year. I'm having a flash forward of you making them right now. LOST.

Ingredients

2 cups unbleached all purpose flour

1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder

1/4 teaspoon salt

3/4 cup (1 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature

1 1/4 teaspoons grated lemon peel

1 1/4 grated tangerine peel or orange peel

1/2 cup sugar

1/4 cup powdered sugar

1 large egg

+ red and yellow food coloring (1/4 bottle each)

Directions
Adapted from KungFoodie
One batch will be enough for four to five large fish biscuit cookies. Sift flour, baking powder and salt into medium bowl. Using electric mixer, beat butter, lemon peel and tangerine peel in large bowl until light. Add 1/2 cup sugar and 1/4 cup powdered sugar and beat until fluffy. Beat in egg. This is a good time to add your food coloring. Add dry ingredients. Using spoon, stir until mixture forms soft dough. Separate dough in half and flatten into two thick disks about the size of your hand. Wrap each disk in plastic and refrigerate until firm, about 4 hours. Preheat oven. The original recipe calls for baking 15 minutes in a 350 degree oven. Because of how thick these cookies are the best results come by baking for 25 minutes in a 300 oven. Generously flour work surface and rolling pin. Place 1 disk on work surface (keep remaining dough refrigerated). You will want to roll dough on a piece of aluminum foil or Silpat liner so you can easily move them after cutting [and cooking] without causing any distortion. Roll out dough to around one half inch thickness and, using the cardstock template placed on the dough, cut out each cookie with a sharp kitchen knife. Save dough scraps for additional cookies. While looking at the top half of the lettering template (which is laid on the raw cut cookie dough) use a small rounded butter knife to gently press in the bottom half of each letter. Then removing the template finish the top of each letter. Be patient, it’s not perfect but it works. Combine all reserved dough scraps and shape into another ball; flatten into disk. Wrap disk in plastic and freeze until firm enough to roll, about 30 minutes. Repeat rolling, cutting and baking as described above with a cool cookie sheet pan.

Hey, you got yourself a fish biscuit! Now how'd you do that?

Portal Cake

2010-09-14T09:16:00.000-07:00

From the Portal video game

So I guess I'm a little late to the party with this one, but as I was finally beating Portal last night I realized that this was just so obvious and mandatory for a collection like mine. I had to take action. You can find other versions of the cake pretty much everywhere (floating around on the web with labels like "the cake is not a lie!) but I wanted to make mine the most accurate and tasty. I'm sure most of you nerdy types, and even some of you fabled "cool people" have seen the phrase "the cake is a lie" on t-shirts and in your social networking stratosphere and pretty much everywhere else. This phrase can be be traced to the beloved and critically acclaimed video game titled "Portal." In Portal, you are made to navigate a research facility using a device which allows you to create portals between two points on any flat surface. During this you are monitored and "guided" by an artificial intelligence named GLaDOS who promises you cake and grief counseling at the conclusion of the test. There is an easter egg in the game itself where you can find a recipe for cake written in binary code, but the recipe is only an ingredients list for plain chocolate cake and lacks instructions (though it has some great suggestions for garnishes). According to the developers, the design of the cake was inspired by a cake at the chinese bakery near their place of work, identified as a Black Forest cake. Black Forest cake is a kind of German cake that uses chocolate, whipped cream, cherries and a cherry flavored liquor called Kirschwasser. So today I have made for you a recipe of my own Black Forest Cake, delicious and moist and worth all the trouble, even being shot by cute little sentry guns. It has four layers, is filled with boozey chocolate cherry goodness, and the result should look just like the one in the game. Bake this cake and throw a big party that all your friends are invited to! Don't forget to invite your weighted companion cube... Oh wait. Never mind.

Ingredients

For The Cake:

1 2/3 cups all-purpose flour

1 1/2 cups granulated sugar

2/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder

1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda

1 teaspoon salt

1 1/2 cups buttermilk

1/2 cup vegetable shortening

2 eggs

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1/2 cup Kirsch (cherry liqueur)

For the filling:

¼ cup Kirsch

2 cans sour cherries

3 cups heavy whipping cream

¼ cup confectioners' sugar

3 tablespoons cocoa

For the Garnish:

1 semisweet chocolate bar, frozen

At least 8 maraschino cherries (no stems)

One white candle

Directions

Preheat your oven to 350°F. Grease and flour two 8 inch cakepans, or line with parchment paper. Sift together the flour, the cocoa, the baking soda and the salt. Set this aside. Beat the shortening and sugar together until they are fluffy. Add the eggs and beat thoroughly. Add vanilla. Slowly beat in the flour mixture, occasionally alternating with the buttermilk. Beat until combined. Pour the batter into the cakepans. Bake for about 35 or 40 minutes (or until a a fork or a wooden pick comes out clean when inserted into the cake. Let the cake cool completely. The cake will be easier to cut if you keep it in the fridge for a few hours before cutting. After the cake has cooled, cut each layer in half (horizontally) to make four total layers. Sprinkle the layers with the 1/2 cup of Kirsch. Drain the canned cherries in a colander to remove most of the juice. Beat the whipping cream with confectioners' sugar until it thickens to desired texture. Put a small amount of the cream/sugar mixture aside for garnish. Mix the cocoa powder into the remaining majority of the whipped cream frosting. Place one cake layer on the serving dish you wish to use. Spread about one 6th of the whipped cream on the layer, and strew a third of the cherries on top of the whipped cream. Add the second cake layer on top of the first. Spread one 6th of the whipped cream on the second layer and 1/3 of the cherries on top. Add the third cake layer. Spread 1/6 of the whipped cream on that and add the remaining cherries. Top with the last cake layer. Frost the top and sides of the cake with remaining frosting. Use a potato peeler on the chocolate to create thin shaves. Gently pat the chocolate shaves on to the sides and top of the cake, completely coating it. Use the whipped cream you set aside earlier to place eight small circles around the top of the cake. Place your non-stemmed maraschino cherries on each one. place white candle in the center and light. Congratulations, you have made the cake a reality!

Photo by Anna of Sixty Four Color Box, from the post "Not a Lie!"

Photo by Anna of Sixty Four Color Box, from the post "Not a Lie!" (This is the cake without the shavings)

Plomeek Soup

2010-01-17T03:44:00.000-08:00

From the Star Trek television series

Captains Log, Stardate 20100101.17: The Enterprise was attacked by a Romulan starship, the motivations behind the attack are unknown to me or my crew. As a result of this the Enterprise had been almost destroyed, and myself and my crew were forced to maneuver the ship to the nearest known planet: Vulcan. Fortunately, the Starfleets alliance with the people of Vulcan allowed us to keep the Enterprise in orbit around the planet whilst we enlisted the help of the best Vulcan engineers to make repairs to the Enterprise. All communication based devices have been down, until yesterday when the repairs were finally complete. I am very perturbed by the years worth of data missing from my Log, and hope to make up for it in the weeks to come. We have spent over a year stranded on the planet Vulcan and I have some to learn many things about Vulcan culture and traditions. They are a curious race, Vulcans, and have little time for pleasures and leisure activities. The humans on board have had a hard time adjusting to the Vulcan lifestyle. One of the most difficult things for us is that all Vulcans do not eat meat or any product that can be harvested from an animal, and they only eat for practical reasons so most of the food served at Vulcan food establishments is quite bland. This wouldn't have been a problem if the Enterprises replicator system was functional, but unfortunately it was one of the many systems to be damaged in the attack. A very popular dish amongst the Vulcans is Plomeek Soup, which is more of a broth harvested from the Plomeek plant. It isn't bad, but despite its bright orange color there's not much more flavor than any typical vegetable stock on Earth. After a few months of eating this bland broth for breakfast every morning, myself and some of my crew decided that something must be done. We took some of the known edible vegetables of Vulcan and made a more flavorful and robust soup using the plomeek broth. We humans found it so delicious we decided to present it to the Vulcans, who found it too spicy and rich. However, we felt that the people of Earth should try the soup, and so I have transcribed a recipe using similar Earth flavors. I look forward to many more logs of our explorations to come, but until then, as the Vulcans would say... live long and prosper.

Ingredients

4 tablespoons olive oil

2 cups chopped leeks, white part only

2 tablespoons finely chopped garlic

Salt

2 cups carrots, peeled and chopped into rounds

1 cup lima beans

1 cup cauliflower florets

2 cups fresh green beans, cut into 1 inch pieces

2 quarts vegetable broth

4 cups peeled, seeded, and chopped tomatoes

2 ears corn, kernels removed

1/2 teaspoon black pepper

2-3 leaves fresh basil, sliced into strips

1/4 cup chopped fresh parsley leaves

1 to 2 teaspoons lemon juice

Directions
Heat the olive oil in a large stockpot on medium heat. Add leeks, garlic, and a bit of salt and cook until they begin to soften. Add the carrots, lima beans, cauliflower, and green beans and cook for about 5 more minutes, stirring occasionally. Increase the heat to high and add the stock, simmer. Once it's simmering add the tomatoes, corn, and pepper. Bring heat to low and cook with pot covered until the vegetables are tender enough to pierce easily with a fork, about a half hour. Don't overcook. Add salt to taste. Remove from heat and add the parsley, basil and lemon juice. Blend together in a food processor. Some of the crew though it might taste good with sour cream or parmesan cheese and croutons as well.

Crunchy Spider Surprise

2009-04-08T12:04:00.000-07:00

From the World of Warcraft online game

I apologize for my recent lack of entries, my fiance got us an XBox 360, and... you can guess. I haven't showered in months. Anyway, I have another WoW recipe for you guys. You might remember my Barbecued Buzzard Wings from a few months ago. Well, this one is a bit more complicated, but it's totally worth it in the end. Don't be discouraged because you don't have sushi experience, anyone who is willing to invest some time can do this. All you'll need is a sushi mat, which can be purchased in most grocery stores in the Asian foods section. Those of you who play WoW or are recovering addicts will know that after eating this you will become well fed and gain 4 Stamina and Spirit for 15 minutes.

Ingredients

1/2 cups short-grain rice

1 1/2 cups water

2 tbs. seasoned rice vinegar

4 soft-shell crabs, cleaned

1/4 teaspoon salt

1/4 teaspoon black pepper

1 tablespoon butter

1 tsp. sriracha sauce

1/4 cup all-purpose flour

4 nori (seaweed) sheets

1 avocado, cut into 16 slices

1/2 cup sliced green onions

4 teaspoons sesame seeds

1 tbs mayonnaise

Directions

Bring rice and water to a boil in a medium saucepan. Cover, reduce heat, and simmer for about 15 minutes. Remove from heat; let stand, covered, for 15 minutes. Place rice in a large bowl, and gently stir in rice vinegar with a spoon until combined. Cover rice mixture, and let rest 30 minutes. Sprinkle crabs with salt and black pepper. Dredge crabs in flour, shaking off excess flour. Melt butter in a big nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add crabs, top sides down; cook for 3 minutes, gently pressing the crab against the pan. Turn crabs over; cook 3 minutes. Cut each crab into quarters, leaving legs attached. Cut off top quarter of nori sheet along a short end. Place nori, shiny side down, on a sushi mat covered with plastic wrap, with a short end toward you. Pat 3/4 cup rice over nori with moist hands, leaving a 1-inch border on short end of nori closest to you. Arrange 4 crab pieces and 4 avocado slices horizontally over rice, allowing crab legs to extend over long edges of nori. Mix together the mayo and the saracha and spread on top of the avocado and crab. Sprinkle each sheet with 2 tablespoons green onions and 1 teaspoon sesame seeds. Lift short edge of nori closest to you; fold over filling. Lift bottom edge of sushi mat; roll toward top edge, pressing firmly. Continue rolling to top edge; press mat to seal sushi roll. Slice each roll into 8 pieces with a very sharp knife.

Pumpkin Pasties

2009-01-25T19:13:00.000-08:00

From the Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling

This is the first "repeat" recipe. By "repeat" I mean I've already posted another recipe from Harry Potter, Butterbeer, which was actually the first entry to this blog. Some nerdy things are just a plethora of tasty-sounding fantasy food, and Harry Potter is one of them. A pasty is a filled pastry case, commonly associated with Cornwall in the UK. It's made by placing filling on a flat pastry shape, usually a circle, and folding it to wrap the filling, crimping the edge to form a seal. The result is a raised semicircular package of yummy. In Harry Potter, Pumpkin Pasties are a wizarding food sold on the Hogwarts Express food trolley, and were enjoyed by Harry and Ron on their first trip to school. Traditional Cornish pasties are usually savory and filled with diced beef and potatoes, but since the main ingredient is pumpkin and it is sold with other sweets like chocolate frogs and jellybeans, it is assumed that Rowling's pasties are sweet. But, for those of you who always figured Pumpkin Pasties to be savory, here is my recipe recommendation: Savory Pumpkin Pasties.

Ingredients

2 eggs, slightly beaten

3/4 cup sugar

2 cups fresh sugar pumkin (or 1lb. canned)

1/2 teaspoon salt

2 tbs. melted butter

1 tsp. cinnamon

1/2 tsp. ginger

1/2 tsp. cloves

1/2 tsp. cardamon

1/2 t. allspice

1 can evaporated milk

9 oz. pie crust pastry (enough for two single standard pie crusts)

Directions:

If you don't know how to prep fresh pumpkin, here's some instructions.

Add eggs and sugar to a mixing bowl and mix until well blended. Stir in the pumpkin, butter, salt and spices. Add evaporated milk and mix well. Bake the filling in a large casserole dish that has been buttered or sprayed with pam. Bake at 425 degrees for 15 minutes. Reduce temperature to 350 degrees and continue baking for 45 minutes or until your fork comes out clean. Let the filling cool completely. Make or purchase pie crust pastry. Roll pastry thin and cut into circles about 4 inches in diameter. Put a spoonful of the pumpkin mixture towards one side of the center of the circle. Fold over the crust into a half-circle and firmly crimp the edges closed. Cut with a paring knife three small slits in the top for venting. Place on a greased cookie sheet. Bake at 400 degrees only until crust is a light golden brown, around 10 minutes. Dust with cinnamon and serve at room temperature.

Pumpkin Pasties

Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster

2009-01-17T15:30:00.000-08:00

From The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

This recipe has been revised for higher accuracy. Since I'm no mixologist (though I'm still very proud of my Chateau Romani recipe), I did you all a favor and found this cocktail somewhere else besides my puny human brain. It probably helps to have two heads when inventing cocktails... The Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster was invented by Zaphod Beeblebrox, the flamboyant two-headed quasi-antagonist of Douglas Adam's brilliantly funny book(s), Hitchhiker's Guide. It has been described as the alcoholic equivalent to a mugging; expensive and bad for the head. Or heads. The effect is said to be like "having your brain smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick." Most of the ingredients for the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster don't exist on Earth, and Douglas Adams himownself has stated that there are a number of environmental and weapons treaties (and laws of physics) which prevent the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster from being mixed on Earth. But DON'T PANIC! There are a few different illegal Earth versions floating around out there in cyberspace that have pretty much the same effect. I chose the one that seemed to be mostly harmless. Consult your Guide for the rehabilitation organizations and programs available to you following consumption.

Ingredients

1 part Everclear (or any other strong grain alcohol such as Bourbon, Moonshine, or Vodka)

1 part Bitter Lemon (or plain Tonic Water)

1 part Bombay Sapphire Gin (or other gin)

1 part Yukon Jack Perma-Frost Schnapps (or other mint schnapps, or white crème de menthe)

Enough blue food coloring to make the mixture a very light sky blue

Sugar cubes

Cinnamon extract

Yellow food coloring (optional)

Angostura Bitters

Olives

Directions
Mix the first five ingredients and chill. Then, take a sugar cube and let it absorb 1 milliliter of cinnamon extract and 1 drop of yellow food coloring (optional). Place three ice cubes in a glass and pour the chilled liquid mixture over these. Drop in the sugar cube and stir to dissolve, or just let it sit (if food coloring is used, often the sugar cube is just left to sit, to create a layering effect with the color). Sprinkle the Angostura Bitters in the drink, and add an olive. Drink, but very carefully.

Sea Salt Ice Cream

2009-01-10T11:57:00.004-08:00

From the Kingdom Hearts II video game

I've never made ice cream before, so I did you guys a favor and found this recipe elsewhere. This ice cream mixes the salty taste of sea salt with the sweet tastes of cream and sugar. Apparently, Kingdom Hearts II director Tetsuya Nomura had this ice cream on a trip to the Tokyo Disneyland Resort and liked it so much he decided to work with Disney to put it in the games. The characters of Kingdom Hearts II can often be seen eating and talking about this delicious salty-sweet dessert. Enjoy it with your best buddy at twilight.

Ingredients:

2 eggs

2 c. milk

1/3 cup sugar

1 t. vanilla

1 c. heavy whipping cream

sea salt to taste

blue food coloring (optional)

ice pop molds (optional)

Directions:
Separate the eggs into two good sized bowls and beat the egg whites until stiff. Mix the egg yolks and sugar until thick. Slowly bring milk to boil over medium heat, stirring occasionally. Pour hot milk into yolk/sugar mixture and mix well. Pour milk/yolk/sugar mixture back into pot and heat on medium until thicker to make a custard. Do not boil. Pour custard in with beaten egg whites and mix well. Add sea salt (keeping adding salt until it tastes salty sweet). Put mixture in fridge to cool. Once cool, add cream, vanilla and coloring to mixture. Freeze, following your ice cream maker’s instructions. If you wish, get some ice pop molds. Spray the inside of these with very little PAM spray (or something similar). Then pour the ice cream into the molds right after it comes out of the ice cream maker. Pop the lid on and the stick in and freeze for at least two hours.

Photo by KingsomHeartsisLife

Hasperat

2009-01-08T02:07:00.000-08:00

From the Star Trek television series

All of you trekkies will be familiar with this one. Hasperat is a notoriously spicy Bajoran dish in the Star Trek universe, and I'm sure it's going to be one of many Star Trek dishes to come... Oh yeah, I mean Gagh. Hasperat looks a little bit like a burrito and is made using a specially prepared brine, which if made correctly causes the eyes to water and sears the tongue. I guess it would be pretty nerdy of you to sneak this yummy wrap into the theatre and enjoy it while watching the midnight showing of the upcoming Star Trek movie by J.J. Abrams, which I'm totally not going to do...

Edit: Earlier today a smokin' hot Bajoran woman (She said her name was Ro?) beamed into my apartment and told me that my Harperat recipe was good, but slightly off. She said it needed to be brined in order to be an acceptable hasperat recipe, and she finds that the easiest way to do this is add some hot pickled veggies. You can either buy these or make your own. Also, she said, the green stuff is more like spinach than alfalfa sprouts. Go figure.

Ingredients

2 large flour or wheat tortillas

¼ avocado, peeled and thinly sliced

½ c. shredded jack cheese

1/2 c. hot pickled vegetables, chopped

1/4 c. spinach

3 tbsp. chopped red onion

1/2 c. cream cheese

sriracha or hot sauce of choice

Directions
Zap (or phaser) your tortillas in the microwave with a damp paper towel for a few seconds so they’re pliable. Mix the cream cheese with desired amount of hot sauce. Spread the cream cheese mixture on your tortillas, and make sure you cover the whole thing because this is what’s going to hold the wrap together. Layer the cheese on top. After the cheese, layer on the avocado, onions, spinach and vegetables. Roll the tortillas up tightly and tuck in the ends. If you wish, lightly grill each side for a few minutes. Cut each wrap in half diagonally and serve.

Hasperat

1-Up Cupcakes

2009-01-05T15:28:00.000-08:00

From the Super Mario video games

I can't take credit for these cute little shroom cakes, but they're just so geeky delicious I had to make my own version. These cupcakes are based on the 1-up mushrooms of the Super Mario games, which give Mario an extra life if caught. Probably won't work for you, though. Maybe. Try it out. Store bought vanilla or buttercream frosting can be used, but if you want to make your own, here's a basic recipe. Make sure you have plenty of green food coloring!

Ingredients

8 ounces white chocolate, chopped

3/4 cup unsalted butter, room temperature

1 3/4 cups all purpose flour

1 teaspoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 cup sugar

3 large egg whites

1/2 cup canned coconut milk

1 tablespoon vanilla extract

1 16oz container pre-made frosting or 16 ounces of home-made frosting

White chocolate buttons

Directions

Preheat oven to 325°F. Line three 6-cup muffin pans with cupcake liners. If you don't have an official double boiler, suspend a metal or heat-proof bowl across the top of a pan with a little simmering water in the pan. Make sure the bottom of the bowl or pan doesn't come in contact with the water below. Put the white chocolate in the bowl and stir until melted and smooth. Mix the flour, baking powder, and salt in an average-sized mixing bowl. Beat the sugar, butter, and vanilla in large bowl with an electric mixer. Add the hot white chocolate to the butter and sugar; stir until blended. Add 1/3 of the flour mixture and then 1/3 of the coconut milk, and stir. Repeat until everything is thoroughly mixed. Whip the egg whites in a bowl. Fold the egg white mixture lightly into the batter. Divide the batter evenly among the muffin cups. Bake for about twenty minutes or until you can stick a fork in it and it comes out clean. Let cool. Put the frosting into yet another bowl and start adding your food coloring to it. Add a little bit at a time and stir in. Keep adding until you get the desired color. You'll probably need a lot. Spread the frosting on to the top of the cupcakes and smooth out evenly. Place the white chocolate buttons in the frosting to your aesthetic preference and enjoy!

1-Up Cupcakes

Tooter Fish Popkin

2009-01-03T18:30:00.000-08:00

From the The Dark Tower series by Stephen King

We can take the simple things for granted sometimes, like a plain old tunafish sandwich. There are places where there aren't any tuna sandwiches, you know... Like Midworld. When Roland of Gilead bought one of these on his trip into our world, Roland thought it might be one of the best things he's ever tasted... even if he couldn't say the word "tuna" and didn't know what a sandwich was, other than it was similar to a popkin. Anyway, make your favorite gunslinger's favorite sandwich, and keep in mind it makes two sandwiches (enough to share with your ka-tet!). And, as always, remember the face of your father.

Ingredients

1 6oz. Can of Tuna

1/4 cup mayonnaise (or to taste)

1/2 celery stick, cut into very small cubes

1 Green Onion Stalk, chopped

2 tbs. sweet relish

1 tsp. dill

4 pieces of wheat bread, lightly toasted

cracked pepper

Directions

Open and drain the can of tuna and place it into a small mixing bowl. Chop up the celery and add it to the bowl. Add the mayonnaise, relish and dill. Mix thoroughly. Put the tuna mixture on the bread (makes two sandwiches) and add cracked pepper.

*idea and recipe from TheReeder

Barbecued Buzzard Wings

2009-01-01T14:17:00.000-08:00

From the World of Warcraft online game

Ah, questing in the Badlands. The boring and unattractive scenery, the big black dragons, Uldaman... Practically the only interesting thing there was Rigglefuzz, who can apparently make a mean barbecued buzzard wing. Rich and tangy were the words he used to describe these delicious treats, and maybe a little spicy too, because of the Hot Spices used to make them. This is my own barbecue sauce recipe, especially made to be rich, tangy and spicy... just like good old Rigglefuzz's. Here it is folks, add it to your 12 slot mageweave bag.

Ingredients

2 lbs. chicken wings

1/2 cup fresh lemon juice

2 cup ketchup

1 c. molasses

1 teaspoon cinnamon

1/4 cup vegetable oil

1/4 cup water

1 tablespoons light brown sugar

1 1/2 teaspoons powdered mustard

1 teaspoon cayenne pepper

2 tablespoons finely chopped onion

1 clove garlic, mashed

1 tsp. horseradish

2 tsp. soy sauce

1/4 c. worcheshire sauce

Directions
Combine all the ingredients except wings in a saucepan over low heat. As soon as the molasses dissolves, the sauce is ready to use. Boil the chicken in boiling water for about 7 minutes. Remove it, let it drain and then pat it dry. Pour barbecue sauce in a bowl. Put a few pieces of the chicken into the bowl, and coat well. Place the finished chicken pieces in a shallow baking dish. Repeat until all the chicken is coated. If desired, pour some extra barbecue sauce over the chicken. Bake at 350 degrees for 35 minutes.

Ambrosia

2008-12-31T13:39:00.001-08:00

From the Battlestar Galactica television series.

Well, today is New Years Eve and I'm sure many of you toasters are going to consuming alcohol tonight, so why not do it Battlestar style? Despite its meaning "the food of the Gods" in Greek mythology (which is a highly prevalent theme in Battlestar), I don't think anyone is really sure exactly what the Battlestar version of Ambrosia is. I've heard people say it's absinthe or possibly a kind of wine, but that's just no fun. Today I give you a recipe I came across for an ambrosia mixed drink, bright green and guaranteed to get you good and frakked for the new year. The original recipe calls for a some sort of frozen concoction maker but I think the recipe stands on it's own, blended or just on the rocks. Happy New Year! So say we all!

Ingredients

6 oz Midori

4 oz Blue Curacao

2 oz lime juice

Directions
Add all ingredients to the Margaritaville Frozen Concoction Maker pitcher (or a blender) and add ice as directed in the owners manual. Makes 36 oz. of delicious concoction. Garnish with a stemmed cherry and enjoy!

Jam Tarts

2008-12-30T11:46:00.000-08:00

From Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carrol

There were a few chapters in Alice in Wonderland dedicated to these simple pastries. Some may remember the trial over who stole the Queen's jam tarts, where absolutely nothing gets solved and the Queen shouts "off with their heads!" a lot. There was an old English nursery rhyme that no doubt inspired the jam tart drama of Alice in Wonderland, which you can find here. Jam tarts are a traditional English tea snack, especially for small children. They were most often made for "Nursery Tea," a sort of High Tea for kids where milk is served instead of actual tea. Those who might be excited about the arrival of Tim Burton's upcoming Alice in Wonderland movie could celebrate by making some of these and having a tea party... In a year. You'll need tart tins and cookie cutters for this one.

Ingredients

1 ¾ c. flour

¾ c. butter , chilled and diced

1/4 c. superfine sugar

2 egg yolks

1 orange, rind grated

1 ½ c. jam of your choosing

Directions
Blend the flour and butter to breadcrumbs in a food processor. Add the sugar and blend again. Add the egg yolks and the orange rind and pulse until it comes together, you may need to add a bit of water. Wrap in saran wrap and chill for about 20 minutes.
Heat the oven to 375 degrees fahrenheit. Roll out the pastry as thin as possible and stamp out circles big enough to fit your jam tart tins with a cookie cutter. Mould the circlular cut-outs into the tart tins. Bake for 15 minutes then add small spoonfuls of jam to each and bake for another 5 minutes. Careful, the jam will get really hot!