Geneffects

Missing a Half-Naked Blonde Girl?

2006-03-02T16:24:00.000-05:00

2:00 basketball with Josh. A little one-on-one action. We were going to play to 21, but we were both so out of shape that the number was lowered to 17. Josh got to 14 points and it was obvious he was about to die so I lowered the win-line to 15. Final score: 11 to 15.

3:00: Tennis with Adam. At the end of the game we notice a 3ish blonde girl with no pants taking a crap near the woods of the park. then she runs a little into the woods and craps some more. Then runs deeper into the woods - stops - and craps some more. At this point it is obvious there is no authority figure watching after her so I yell into the park, "Is anyone missing a half-naked blonde girl running into the woods?" I neglected to specify an age, so this exclamation excited the middle-schooler boys playing tennis near us.

"Naked on which half?" one says.

Finally some parental figure realizes that their headcount is light and collects her kid. Quality parenting.

Haircut

2006-03-01T17:52:00.000-05:00

Dear World, I look like this now.

Avril Lavigne is a Gelfling?

2006-02-17T10:44:00.000-05:00

I tend to dump any email from Dan straight in the trash, but this one... this one rang true. He pointed out the eerie similiarities between this photo and this photo.

Well done, Dan. Well done.

Spam Assassin

2006-02-14T12:50:00.000-05:00

I just activated Spam Assassin on my server so keep an eye out if I don't respond to your email - it may be because it was incorrectly flagged.

Geek Sex, Geek Love

2006-02-09T14:17:00.000-05:00

What's that sound? It's the sound of geeks the world around dropping their pants in pure excitement at the prospect of having a computer that can interact with you like this.

Sex Tips for Geeks. (No illustrations, so fairly work safe.) Ah, geeks. They sure know how to turn out a compelling sentence: "OK, so you've been doing horny things to each other for a while now and she seems hot enough to fuck."

Write checks with gel pens to avoid check washing.

One gentleman on craigslist asks not to be written about anymore

Another gentleman has the firsts back as well as a clarifying question

A 3.57Ghz dual-core processor made with LEGOs! (For some reason LEGO is all-caps. You know what, LEGO? Both you and Yahoo! can suck it!)

OMG! KEWL MYSPACE HAKZ LOLZ!

Saturn's Moons

2006-02-07T13:06:00.000-05:00

Speaking of mp3s, here's the latest from Bim St.: Saturn's Moons. Words and singing are Billy. Melody and music are me. I wrote this because I can't wait for the next Flaming Lips album.

Openly Laughing in the Face of GOD!

2006-02-07T12:35:00.000-05:00

Brack Power

People are nearly shitting themselves over the realism of these computer graphic sharks in computer graphic water

You stay classy, Iraq

Aerogel? Oh mankind! Must we openly laugh in the face of God?!!

Sometimes it is nice having people that are less intelligent that you exist. I always wondered what would happen if one responded to one of those obviously fake, obviously formulaic craigslist posts of women seeking discrete encounters. This local guy falls for it and has graciously posted his perplexed response.

Just like a South Carolinian scientist to develop a method to create bacon using a printer. Pffft, South Carolina.

The Waterphone

2006-02-06T14:35:00.000-05:00

This instrument looks badsass - similar to something I made at St. A's with wooden dowels. Is it named "the Waterphone" because it uses water or because its inventer is Richard Water? A similar problem would arise if I were to derive a formula for minimizing risk in investments.

QOTD

2006-01-26T01:03:00.000-05:00

"Brian Risk, I am not putting my toothbrush up my ass."

ATM

2006-01-25T12:38:00.000-05:00

"Is there a way to pay with credit around here?"

"No, but there's an ATM near the pool table."

"Oh, I don't do ATMs."

"I believe a lot of porn stars also make that stipulation"

The Last Thing I Gave Her Was The Bird

2006-01-18T01:01:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite county songs from my childhood has came to life when a woman's infidelity was revealed by a pet parrot.

Apple Needs to Respect Privacy

2006-01-11T12:00:00.000-05:00

BoingBoing told me that the latest version of iTunes spys on what you listen to. In response I've made this .666 seconds of silence mp3 titled Apple Needs to Respect Privacy. Load this song to your iTunes and play it over and over. If enough people do this, Apple will notice.

I Want

2006-01-10T13:55:00.000-05:00

My iBook has done very well for me over these three years I have owned it, but holy peanutbutter I want the new (horribly named) MacBook Pro.

More From Hot Rod Circuit, Valient Thorr

2005-12-27T10:53:00.000-05:00

It has come to my attention that there are a few things I don't remember about that night. Sorting it out is like trying to sort a box of barber hair. Valient alluded to some it in his comments, but I didn't think much about it. Then, yesterday, I found this file on my computer I didn't recognize and - holy shit! - it was another song! I'm surprised I had the cognitive abilities to press record let alone lay down a minimalist dub beat.

Valient Thorr Vs. Hot Rod Circuit - Freestyle

Other news: Once you perfect the art of the nap, you can scream yourself to sleep.

2005-12-12T15:52:00.000-05:00

A lady asks Mike for a Bud Lite in a bottle.

"We only have it in the can"

"Awesome," she shouts.

Not really under my breath but just loud enough for only the other bartenders to hear I say, "some girls really like it in the can."

I thought this was mildly funny but the other two 'tendaz a splode with laughter. So much so that it garners the ire of the patron.

"You talkin about me behind my back? What you say?"

God. Why not? I'll just tell her. "I said some girls really like it in the can."

Her friends kind of laugh but she comes back with, "you're damn right they do!"

It looks like they finaly put up my Post Secret.

Wayne Coyne's Head Fixation

2005-12-05T16:03:00.000-05:00

The theme shows in song titles such as "Placebo Headwound," "Guy Who Got a Headache and Accidentally Saves the World," "Can't Get You Out of My Head," and "Be My Head." Or in lyrics like, "I accidentally touched my head and noticed that I had been bleeding" (from "The Spark"). Or in videos like Waiting for Superman. Or in ever fricking Flaming Lips performance where Wayne pours fake blood on his head. Also in the documentary "The Fearless Freaks" Wayne got some kid to lay in the middle of the street with fake blood on his head. What's the deal? The documentary mentions that when Wayne worked at Long John Silvers the store was robbed at gunpoint and the robbers had the staff get on the floor and Wayne said he feared his head would be blown off. Does it stem from that? Is all this headwound business a way of coping with that early trauma?

And speaking of fixations, it appears I have a Flaming Lips fixation.

X-Men 3

2005-12-05T15:55:00.000-05:00

The "bluehaired strongman" Beast of the X-Men series is going to be played by Kelsey Grammer? All-caps WTF! (Pics) Grammer says the theme of alienation drew him to try a comic book flick. No I'd say the fear of a career free-fall and not being typcast as a milquetoast panty-waist are the more compelling reasons.

Dogs Laugh

2005-12-05T15:44:00.000-05:00

Laughologists have recently figured out that dogs laugh! Apparently it sounds like a a long pant and other dogs get a kick out of hearing it.

"What we found is that it had a calming or soothing effect on the dogs," said Patricia Simonet, an animal behaviorist in Spokane who has studied everything from hamster culture to elephant self-recognition. "Now, we actually really weren't expecting that."

Hamster culture? Dear Ms. Simonet, where can I find out more about this hamster culture?

Steven Drozd, Where Are You?

2005-12-04T03:20:00.000-05:00

Steven Drozd, Michael Ivins from the Flaming Lips and Dave Fridmann (Lips producer) said, "hey, let's make a Flaming Lips record without Wayne Coyne and instead use that guy from Blues Clues as singer." This, my friends, is the result. Makes you really appreciate Wayne.

A video for a song of the Lips' upcoming album is on the web site. Uh... it kinda sucks. What the fuck is up with that kid? "Keepin' it Crippin" indeed. And where are the Bonham-esque beats I've come to know and love from Drozd? I'm still gonna buy the album. I'm probably also going to see Christmas on Mars.

My Dearest

2005-12-03T22:34:00.000-05:00

The day has found me sick in bed. The cause is fever - of all sicknesses I'd say fever is almost enjoyable. It is the ultimate in winter indulgences where you are expected to bundle up and pamper yourself all day with little exercise and a lot of quality programming such as the Flaming Lips documentary The Fearless Freaks. A lot of liquids have been consumed and you begin to view your body as a big sieve returning in a more pungent, steamy form what was imbibed. Times feel off. I felt like I was in such a stride a few weeks ago now am unsure of my paces. Is this the way every blog entry must end?

Most Hacker 3mail Ever

2005-12-01T00:17:00.000-05:00

Okay, who wants to buy "p w n @ n 0 0 . b z", becaue right now I pwn it.

humorous emails

Falsifieds.com

2005-12-01T00:13:00.000-05:00

My latest obsession with fake classifieds has prompted the registration of Falsifieds.com, a website I hope to soon release as a repository for these creative efforts, and possibly a place where the real responses are posted. Any of my friends that desire to be part of this just email me the creatives when you make 'em.

Falsifieds is, by the way, what I changed the name of my NaNo novel to. I'm a winner, but maily thanks to a little buddy I like to call Context-Free Craig.

I'm growing suspicious

2005-11-30T03:59:00.000-05:00

Different domain name registries are showing different availability information. It started with that THE.AT and it continues. Some will say a domain is taken while others will say available. I'm wondering: What the heck?

n00.bz

2005-11-30T03:48:00.000-05:00

I also just purchased n00.bz. This could be a great brand for tech support, help desk, or online FAQ. Again, GoDaddy has let me down.... not even selling the .bz. I had to (goan) go through NetworkSolutions. What a great name that is, by the way! They had their pick of names, and boy does it show! I mean, wow. NetworkSolutions. Try saying it out loud. It just rolls off the tongue.

THE.AT

2005-11-30T03:14:00.000-05:00

I feel a little manipulated. Friends of mine will know that a hobby lately has been to check out odd suffixed domain names. About a half an hour ago I discovered that the.at was not take. Imagine that! According to about.com "the" and "at" are the first and twenty-second most popular English words, respectively. What an awesome domain! I could image cool logos and catch slogans instantly. Okay then, let's head over to my buddies at GoDaddy to buy that sucker. Okay... typing it in... still available, okay, let's buy it.... What the fuck?? 80 dollars!? No way, Jose. I head to Google to find some other registrars. Some kinda shady ones are offering it for 38 euros which is about 45 dollars. Not bad, but I don't know how I feel about their shadyness. EuropeRegistry looks legit, let's just perform a search to see if.... holy fuck. You're kidding me. You're fucking kidding me. "the.at" is already taken? No fucking way. I knew it! I knew these shady registries checked out what you were searching on and then would (sometimes, given parameters) auto-buy those domains before you! Mother fuckers! I race back to GoDaddy and hit reload... hmm... it seems to still think it is available. Something's fishy, but I'm panicking, so I shed a little tear and pony up the 80 bucks hoping that EuropRegistry is just full of shit and GoDaddy knows what it's doing. Things seem to work out. So there you have it. I own THE.AT.

Happy Ending: SomethingAwful came up with some work-safe porn we can all enjoy.