The Gentleman Stumbler

Our First How-To Video, the Pegu Cocktail!

2013-02-24T15:26:00.000-05:00

By Johnny Lager
I am incredibly proud to announce the very first "America's Drunkest Home Bar" Video! It is a joint production between ourselves and Dr. Radio show. Our very own Clash Glasses was the man on the camera. You can see his reflection, chugging brews, in the liquor cabinet.

We had a laugh and learned how to make an excellent cocktail, and so will probably you!

2 oz gin
3/4 oz Triple Sec or Orange Cointreau
1/2 oz lime juice
2 Dashes Angostura Bitters

Pour ingredients into a Shaker, followed by ice. Strain into a cocktail glass, float 2 dashes of bitters on top, do not garnish.

Bottoms up, stay classy!

Super-Cup-Saturday Beer Science!

2013-02-01T10:39:00.001-05:00

By Johnny Lager
Alton Brown uses Super-Science to Super-Chill a Super-Warm Beer for the Super-Cup!

Hot Toddy ReTread

2013-01-29T11:04:00.003-05:00

By Johnny Lager

This weeks episode of Dr. Radio Show, we tried the Hot Toddy, a cocktail I've blogged about before. You can find the Single-serving version here:

Traditional Hot Toddy

I know "sweet, hot booze" sounds like a great band, and a terrible idea, but I think you'll like the Toddy, anyway

Click the link, bottoms up, and stay classy!

A Podcast I Co-host is Now on iTunes!

2012-01-19T15:03:00.001-05:00

I wanted to let you know bout the gritty reboot of my podcast, Dr. Radio Show. The lads and I have put a lot of effort into this, and we hope you'll give it a try; I'm sure you'll love it ever so much. Our new format is a Sketch, Interview, Variety Radio Show, with a booze review in every episode, supported by an article on this page.

We're finally on iTunes, so you know it's for realsies.

http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/dr-radio-show/id494341034

Individuale episode are streaming here.

Love you all, thanks for your time, let us know what you think!

SOPA/PIPA

2012-01-18T10:00:00.000-05:00

The Oatmeal made an animated GIF about SOPA/PIPA I think it's in line with the Gentleman Stumbler way of thinking. There is no question that this page would suffer if those bills pass. Check it out, then please consider signing this: https://www.google.com/landing/takeaction/, Thank you.

Twelfth Night!

2012-01-06T13:31:00.002-05:00

By Johnny Lager
Tonight is Twelfth Night (observed), so tomorrow our holiday season comes to an end. I hope you all enjoyed yourselves. I had a three week flu somehow, but enjoyed friends and family (and killer swag). Anyway, enough of my whining; May all your New Year Dreams come true! People say that, right?

How to Celebrate Twelfth Night:

The Recipe, for those of you who wish to celebrate with Wassail.

The Recipe, for those of you who wish to celebrate with Glühwein.

Stay Classy, Stay Festive, Bottoms Up!

~Johnny Lager

This Censorship Threat Ain't Over Yet

2011-11-17T22:54:00.005-05:00

Please go take a look at the site, linked here, and below, and decide if you agree with us at the Stumbler. Although the page is dated Nov 16th, we ain't outta the woods yet. Again, please take a look, and sorry for getting off-topic and on a soap box. But here's a sample of why we're worried:

"Risk of Jail for Ordinary Users

It becomes a felony with a potential 5 year sentence to stream a copyrighted work that would cost more than $2,500 to license, even if you are a totally noncommercial user, e.g. singing a pop song on Facebook"

http://americancensorship.org/index.html

Scroll down their page for interesting info-graphics too.

Your regularly scheduled Booze News will resume on Tuesday.

Dr Radio Show

2011-11-16T03:04:00.006-05:00

Another thrilling episode of..!

By Johnny Lager,

The 4th episode of Dr. Radio Show is up and live!

In one of my many other lives, I say ~~humorous~~ ridiculous things into a microphone. For those of you who don't follow my Twitter or FaceBook, shame on you, and here is the link to the first episode I appeared in, doing a spot-on lampoon of my uncle, of the same name.

Just to stay on-theam, I'm unwinding with a glass of Artenos Merlot-Raboso with thousand-day gouda and romano. 'Cuz I'm classy as f^ck. The wine is described on Trader Joe's page thusly:

Class in progress

"Complex and reflective, this blend of 70% Merlot and 30% Raboso is the archetypal philosopher’s wine. Aged 24 months in Slovenian and French oak, this deep garnet-hued elixir invites with aromas of berries and dark chocolate. Fruit forward, it is smooth and velvety on the palate with a long, contemplative finish."

I'm not sure I follow all of that, but I will say it is a hearty wine, without being sweet, and reminds me of Tawny Porto. Perhaps I'll do my job and review it someday.

Bottom's up, stay classy (as f^ck)

Johnny Lager

Back from NY! Booze Music

2011-11-14T14:29:00.002-05:00

By Johnny Lager

Well, I careened my way about NYC for about five days, and have much to tell, but I'm gonna need some time to get my head together.

In the meantime, here is one of my favorite songs (tenuously) about New York City, "Bedstuy Parade & Funeral March" by Mos Def. It's a slick, thick, fat, jazz-funk smoothness to be sure. This song should be paired with a whisky as smoky as it's flow, so I recommend a peaty scotch like Lagavulin, or the excellent and mysteriously affordable, Bowmore 12 year.

Lording it Up on a Train

2011-11-09T11:35:00.006-05:00

Penis.

By Johnny Lager

Ah, the train! That mysteriously expensive, vacation-time consuming, motion sickness inducing, massive accident in potentia, preferred by grumpy people in their 50's dressed in either rumpled business suits, or t-shirts. Truly the genial transport of gentlemen of leisure. While there are many downsides, like the lack of cocktail service from flight attendants, there are advantages too. Like, not hurtling through the sky in an aluminum tube, not getting the much maligned, but arguably free, TSA approved colorectal exam and not having your tally-wacker photographed.

When choosing the train over flying, one trades breathtaking areal views, for the lovely, gentle, vistas of the sprawling countryside; forests, lakes, streams, shorelines and mountains, as well as the villages and cities you roll through. Everything about a train is easy, and gentlemanly. Even though, on a plane, flight attendants will bring you refreshments at your beck and call, you will likely be gulping down that booze in a white-knuckled attempt to "take the fear outta ya." On a train, however, one can genially take in the sights of sea-side villages and the like, while sipping a craft beer, glass of wine, whisky or indeed, a cocktail. Unlike a plane, one has to walk through a few cars to get their own drinks, but then again, a train is less likely to suddenly drop 30 feet in turbulence.

Train Stations have a pleasant,
old timey feel

And let us not forget the history! The grand thriving rail roads that once made this country! And their European cousins, connecting the British to their Empire. Once upon a time, trains had Smoking Cars, and Bar Cars, then, Sundry Cars, and now Cafe Cars. A history of luxury and class, now disabused of it's classist history. Sorta.' Business class and First class still kick ass, and cost much more then the regular fair.

A gent travels light,
or risks a ribbing from his bros.

While I would not recommend trains for extended travel, in this day and age of lean vacation-time. I do recommend it for short trips of a few hundred miles, with the rosey-cheeked enthusiasm of a happy gent with a libation in hand.

Bottoms up! Take a gentle, rolling train ride, and stay classy!

Johnny Lager

I Must to New York City, but first, a Gift!

2011-11-08T10:12:00.013-05:00

NYC! Just as I remember it!

By Johnny Lager

As I often needs must, I needs must be in NYC for the remainder of the week, and the week's ends, so my posts will be erratic or non existant. I apologize in advance. If you find yourself a bit lonely without the childish dick jokes and snark panache and wit of your old pal Johnny, Twitter and FaceBook are your best bets. The good news is, I shall be stumbling about the city and will be able to post several reviews of quality boozeterias in the future.

The better news is, I'm going to leave you with a gift that shall more than tide you over till next week. A book. An entire book on Cocktail crafting. And you can have it right. now.

How to Mix Drinks, or The Bon Vivant's Companion, 1862, by "Professor" Jerry Thomas America’s celebrity bartender, was the first book on cocktails published in the United States. The recipes range from strange old standards, with ingredients that will surely cause one to hesitate, to complex chem-lab like preparations, to signature mixes invented by Thomas himself. Guides for mixing familiar drinks, sours, fizzes, and highballs, are included, but often in strange, forgotten formulations. This is wonderful book filled with nostalgia for an bygone age of crapulent wonder. And, of course, it raises more questions than it answers.

I am pleased and proud to give it to you, as a gift, this very instant, due to the courtasy of earlier, saner copyright law, and futuristic digital technology. Yes, preview this little gem at the Google eBook site, then download the PDF here, or for your devices here. I've directed you to the Spanish eBook site where the book is still in English, because the American site's edition does not include the book cover for some reason, and I felt I had to share that with you. I mean, look at that happy bastard; mastering booze, classiness and fire, all at once!

As Bon Vivants, you simply can't be without this book. Think of it, not just as a gift, but as a primer, as I will be attempting some of the more difficult cocktails in future articles.

So, here's to you, "Professor" Jerry Thomas! And "Here's to you!" dear reader.

Stay classy, botoms up!

-Johnny Lager

Mondays

2011-11-07T11:54:00.005-05:00

By Johnny Lager
I usually don't post on Mondays because it seems a bit untoward to think about booze this early in the week, however, feel free to ~~completely ignore me~~ correct me in the comments.

If you are jonesing for a boozy article for an "eye opener," check out this one from our archive. It's our first (accidental) podcast, transcribed for those at work.

Pyrat Rum XO Reserve

Johnny at FilmDrunk!

2011-11-03T21:02:00.012-04:00

By Johnny Lager
I reviewed Wahlburgers in Hingham MA, on assignment for Filmdrunk.com and I peppered it with references to Mark Walberg movies because I got a no-homo wicked hahd-on fah Mark Walberg. And Donny. And Pauly.

FilmDrunk is one of my favorite sites and a daily read, and you should all visit it constantly.

Check below, for a few bonus photos.

Wahlburgers!

I don't know why I look like an

undercover Irish stereotype.

I'm like a f^ck!n' Indian,

you're not gonna see me,

you're not gonna hear about me.

"Wahlbrewski." is brewed by local favorite,

Harpoon, so I call it a "Wahlpoon." Cuz I'm a child.

It's a bit sweet and light on hops for an IPA, with a thin,

soapy note. But, like Marky and Donny,

this Wahlpoon was a lady-pleaser. The chicks dug it.

A genuine smile from a genuine dude!

Head Chef Paul(y) Wahlberg.

The T-Shirt is from FilmDrunk. Go get you one.

A very cool retro look.

Them Sweet Potato tater tots was good!

This is an honest to gosh burger. Very tasty.

Back in Action!

2011-10-26T21:29:00.009-04:00

By Johnny Lager
It's been a while since we tête-à-tête'd. Our hiatus was intentional and executed exactly to plan. Sorta. The changes I hoped to make immediate upon our return, will be slowly rolled out instead.

We will (eventually) have more guest writers and featured collumns. I'm very excited about one of them in particular, but I'm not at liberty to discuss that at the moment.

We will (eventually) have a Wine Section, focusing more on the wine itself than on arbitrary descriptors of "how good it was." Ahem. Does anybody want to write about wine with us?

There will (eventually) be a brief weekly podcast featuring a spirit and or cocktail. Maybe video, but, maybe not.

The site will (eventually) be better organized. I accept polite suggestions.

We will (eventually) have a forum. You guys don't comment much, but it doesn't mean you don't deserve a forum to discuss quality booze.

I am going broke buying booze, so there will (eventually) be ads, but for the moment I can't figure them out. Ahem. Does anybody want to give me a hand with ads?

Heads-up for this ~~Monday~~ ~~Tuesday~~ ~~Wednesday~~ Thursday(?), when I will be reviewing Wahlburgers in Hingham MA for a top secret reason. But partially because they have a bar, and I'll be in the neighborhood.

Lagavulin 16

2011-02-23T12:59:00.009-05:00

By Brew Radely

‘Oh my’ is how one must begin this review. ‘Get thee to a distillery or local boozadashery to procure a bottle of this’ is my next statement, emphatically punctuated by a fist slamming into lacquered hardwood. My tasting was not in the controlled, mad laBOREatory setting of the good Johnny Lager. No, dear Scout, I was out in the field, fighting for my meals, putting my back into my living.
I was on the road again, this time in the icythroes of -5 degree Minneapolis. The evening began early in the camaraderie of a co-worker happy hour with a couple really nice local beers (more on that another time.) The crowd thinned and I was dropped off at my hotel. Having missed dinner, I decided to walk to the restaurant /bar across the lot and wind down the night with I and I.

At the bar, I ordered a chop salad and sat there stewing, feeling particularly negligent about my weak participation on the recent Laphroiag review. Sure, I had chipped in a few token sentences, but pitiful words that cowered like an abused child on $2 Pabst night next to the other towering Stumbler reviews.

‘Barkeep,” quoth I, “what have ye for Scotch?” I listened to the litany of usual single malt suspects: McCallan 18, sorta interesting. Glen Livet 12, yawn. And of course, the Cal Ripkin Jr. of blended, good ol’ Johnnie on the spot. Then that tenderest of tender’s mouth stumbled over a name I’d never heard.

"Excuse me, guv’ner, pray repeat that one what begun with ‘L’?"

-"Lagavulin 16, lad."

The brand sounded vaguely coital. Potentially vaginal. Wholly alluring. But what’s in a name? We’d soon find out. I shot back a confident nod and deliberate blink that let him know that would, indeed, do it.

He returned with a midwesternly, voluminous pour; two fingers and a hay if it was a drop. He eased it into my hand with two or three cubes bobbing contentedly and a back up glass of ice should the need arise. I liked this cat already. The first sip was stunning- like free steak dinner, unexpected road sex, midsummer sunset over Shinnecock Bay stunning. I will be the first to admit, my palate is rather unsophisticated, a blue collar bruiser trying to hang with the elite. But this knocked my tongue on its Fox News watching, Nascar loving ass.

The initial notes are sweet—a sweetness that I can’t explain, or don’t have the words, that I find in many of my favorite scotches. Something that eases up all giggly and blushing to mop a weary brow, then stays there for while, ready to listen to one's woes or offer advice on a nice value stock to buy. The peat comes next—but slightly less aggressive than the Laphroaig. Not so much the earthy right cross, but more of a peaty memory foam paddock, nestled deep within the heather of the island of Islay, ready to apply even, healing amounts of peat to all of the aching pressure points of my smiling prone figure.

Mouthfeel is a characteristic that I also struggle to describe—but this was satiny and creamy, as though someone had milked Ron Burgundy’s office and hand delivered it to my glass like a beautiful liquid mustache. It finishes with a pleasant smoky finale that makes you feel like you’ve just shown Watson, yet again, the error of his simple ways (though you do wonder why you keep the daft bastard around- it’s your own ego, you must know that. Get over it and let the dimwitted beast have his life back).

That, mes petits, is the power of this scotch. At 16 years, it’s older than most of the stuff I normally buy, and I imagine it’s likely pretty pricey. But I do intend to seek this one out again.

Washington's Birthday/President's Day

2011-02-20T20:57:00.028-05:00

By Johnny Lager
As the first stirrings of spring are in the air and the snow melts from the meadows, we are reminded that there is work to do. We must renew our vigor and resolve. But, it's still cold and dreary! What shall we do?

Well, pull up an old timey tavern chair and sit with ol' Johnny Lager by the fire, I've a tail to tell, and a hell of a cocktail with which to wake you from winter's spell.

The Father of Our Nation

By 1775, the American colonies were sick and tired of England's bull crap and went looking for a bad-ass to square things with the Brits. Willing to do his share, George Washington, a militia leader, was appointed commander-in-chief of the American revolutionary forces. By 1783, he and his scrappy 13 colonies (plus France, but whatevs) pushed the British Empire out of our land. To learn more, watch Braveheart, pretend Mel Gibson is George Washington, and turn it off before Mel is betrayed. Oh, and Patrick McGoohan didn't kill Washington's wife.

At the end of revolutionary war, the defeated King George III, asked what Washington would do. When he learned that Washington wanted to return to his farm; King George III said, "If he does that, he will be the greatest man in the world." Washington indeed returned to private life on his (ahem) hemp plantation and thus was (retroactively) declared the "greatest man in the world," by his enemy. Process that. My mom doesn't think that highly of me.

Thankfully Washington returned to duty, presiding over the drafting of the Constitution, becoming the (more or less) First President of the United States and avoiding further wars with England and France. And he did it all while wearing a jaunty powdered wig. With wooden teeth. Washington had the wooden teeth, the wig did not.

The OTHERSide

Which brings me, of course, to modern day Boston. It was here that I first tried the cocktail that could only be named for the man who delivered us from the sinister English, and single-handedly co-founded this nation. Fittingly, I discovered it in the fiercely independent OTHERSide Café, hidden on the west-most block of Newbury St. I've already discussed this undeniably American establishment, but to paraphrase: it has a three-fold charm; 1) it is staffed by hip, friendly bicycle messengers. 2) Their gourmet panini, wraps and other fair are far better than their competitors. 3) They serve kick-awesome beers all the ding-dang day long and well into the night. Fortunately, some of the managers are old friends, so my enthusiasm for charm #3 (read: my voracious consumption of curiously high proof lager, with great alacrity) is tolerated. Sadly, this drink is no longer offered there, but go anyway, they have $5 pints all month long.

So, on a cold, wet day like this one, make for yourself...

The George Washington:

1 Pint Guinness

2 shots espresso

The Prep:
You will need a 20 oz. imperial pint glass, a Guinness tall-boy and some espresso. Although I am a famous beer-can-hater, use the tall-boys, they are close to a pint.

Some people like to brew their own espresso, and I salute them. They are the vigorous, can-do types that make our land great. But the how to's on that are a bit dicey, so I will not cover them here. Stop at a café and buy a few shots of espresso, it'll give the espresso time to cool down, although that is hardly necessary.

The Build:

1) Open a chilled Guinness tall-boy. Warm ones explode.

2) Pour the espresso into an pint glass.

3) Pour the Guinness into that very same pint glass.

4) Enjoy. Like crazy.

5) Do important things. But don't drive.

The Experience:

Like it's namesake, The George Washington is unexpectedly bold, smooth, purposeful and honest. I'm getting a little teary over here. It's flavor starts with the familiar, pleasant taste of Guinness; as you continue, it darkens into rich coffee without tipping past its base component. The finish mellows back to creamy, extra-stout, but leaves a sweetened coffee aftertaste. Enough of this foofery! Here's a cocktail that rolls up your sleeves and loosens your tie. Here's a cocktail that gets shit done!

Thank you, George Washington, for so much.

Bottoms up, stay presidential!

Mr. Booze!

2011-02-14T00:15:00.004-05:00

Alright, looks like Family Guy beat me to it. Peter and Brian sang Mr. Booze from the old Rat Pack classic, Robin and the 7 Hoods. Pair this spirited mock show-tune with your cheapest, rot-gut gin or rum.

Valentine's Day Booze Music Radio

2011-02-13T21:02:00.008-05:00

What is that, like,
an old timey sub-woofer?

Rachmaninov,
Bringing Sexy Back

For a while now, We've been playing with Pandora, making Gentleman Stumbler Radio Stations. Our first offering is a gentle, romantic mix of classical music from the Romantic Era. I would recommend pairing this station with a loved one and a merlot, or Ice Wine Cocktail.

Bottoms up, stay classy, stay smooth, and good luck this Valentine's Day.

Ice Wine Cocktail

2011-02-10T08:49:00.022-05:00

A.K.A. "The Peeler."

Photo: Wikipedia

By Johnny Lager
Ice Wine is a bright, elegant, sweet yet crisp dessert wine, with a lovely minerality, made from grapes that have been frozen while still on the vine. The grape's water freezes, concentrating the sugars and other solids. They are pressed frozen, yielding a concentrated, sweet wine. While I am not a big fan, the focus of my amore is. And since Valentine's Day that second sweetest of dubious holidays is around the corner, I recommend that you go get you some. Ice wine. It's available at most liquor stores, but tread carefully; it can fetch quite a pretty penny. An Ice Wine cocktail (A.K.A Ice Wine Martini, but never call it that) is not only a sweet, fruity, potent nectar with which to impress your love, it is also a great way to stretch a pricy a little bottle.

Crystal Head Vodka can add an
Occult flourish to your cocktail.

The Ingredients:

1-2 oz. Ice Wine

2 oz. Vodka

1 Grape or berry for garnish

Choosing the perfect Ice Wine can be confusing, frustrating and expensive, so just go with whatever you can find and afford. Vidal and Riesling are the most common, and sometimes inexpensive. If it's for Valentines Day, maybe go for a red. I like Cab Franc, but that's just me. Ice Wine cocktails can either be a one-to-one or two-to-one ratio. Unless your sweetie is a dangerously cheap date, the stronger, one-to-one ratio really does taste better.

Since vodka will play a big roll in this, I recommend the incomparably crisp, yet inexpensive Sobieski, or whatever you have on hand; that Ice Wine ain't cheap. Vodkas with prominent flavors, such as Provda and Level, can bring their unique characteristics to this cocktail, but may not match well with the ice-wine.

The Build:

I always pour all liquids, one after the other, into a measuring glass, then into an ice filled Boston Shaker. More on that gear some other time.

When it's frosty, you're done

To get the cocktail brutally cold, SWIRL the ice filled Boston Shaker until the sides are frosty. Shaking is unnecessarily violent and stirring is awkward. Appearance can be everything.

Strain it into a cocktail glass, (pre-chill the glass with ice water if you want to look like a smug tool; seriously, it's a waste of time).

Usually the Ice Wine cocktail is garnished with one or three grapes, but again, if this is for Valentines Day, add a raspberry or blackberry instead. Get creative. Fortune favors the bold.

The Experience:
This cocktail is a real treat: the bright, elegant, juiciness of the Ice Wine is preserved, while the vodka adds an exciting, dry zip, without any boozy harshness. A gentleman is never untoward, but finishing a perfect evening with the perfect cocktail can be a valuable ally when pitching woo.

Bottoms up, stay classy, stay sexy, and good luck.

Traditional Hot Toddy

2011-02-07T19:12:00.004-05:00

By Johnny Lager
Famed for relieving a head cold and clearing a nose, a Hot Toddy is a delicate, medicinal brew, to ease what ails you. It is not exactly a hearty drink, or bone warmer. Leave that heavy lifting to pros like Irish Coffee, or straight brandy. Perhaps a gentle Toddy even reminds you of your gran, but there is something undeniably gentlemanly and self-sufficient about brewing up an old-fashioned cup of antidote.

There are so many variables and variants I was hesitant to even write this article. It seemed like it would go on forever; but a lot of readers have their late winter cold early, and I was feeling public-servicy. So, I present the traditional Hot Toddy, and a few tips. I'll leave you to adjust it to your own taste, everybody should to have their own recipe.

The Ingredients:

6 oz. almost boiling water

2 oz. of Scotch (Johnnie Walker Black)

1 tsp honey

1 slice lemon

3-4 cloves

1 cinnamon stick

The Build: As you blearily assemble your ingredients, put the kettle on. Do not overheat the water, take it off before it boils. It's probably easier to microwave a mug for 2-3 minutes. Otherwise you will overwhelm yourself with cinnamon, burn your lip and have to wait to for your brew to cool down.

Pour 6 ounces of steaming water into a mug followed by in 3-4 cloves, a slice of lemon and a tsp or less of honey and stir. Be careful not to over-sweeten or you wind up with a potion that starts aggressively but has a candy finish. Next place in the cinnamon stick. The scent of cinnamon tempered by clove immediately fills the air. These ingredients will need to be adjusted not only to your taste, but to the potency of your stash. Now, take a little tip from Johnny and don't pour the Scotch in 'till the brew has steeped, or else you may evaporate too much of it's potency.

Steep for 3 minutes. Then get that cinnamon out! Quickly! Hurry! Your ruining it! Good, now you can let it continue to brew down to whatever temp you like.

A traditional Hot Toddy is made with Scotch, not Brandy, or even some other type of Whiskey. I recommend an inexpensive blend like the very serviceable Johnnie Walker Black Label. Scotch has a distinctive and strong flavor, so some prefer to use an Irish blend, or the sweeter Bourbon. But I'm a traditionalist, and I firmly believe that Scotch will scare that bastard cold away.

The Experience: While it has a scent similar to spiced cider, with a kick like a mule, this is a delicate brew, going down easily, gently slipping past your cold like a suave and cultivated Scots spy; delivering you from rhinoviruses, coronaviruses, and SMERSH.

So there it is, the traditional Hot Toddy. Now go and experiment. Find out what works for you. I have my own recipe, but I'll write about the in the fall. In the meantime, I'll say this: I prefer the traditional English variation which uses black tea, adding some elegance and caffeine. I sensibly use English breakfast tea.

Bottoms up, stay classy, and warm.

Equipping Your Home-Bar, Vol. 1; Blowing the First of Several Pay-Checks

2011-02-04T00:00:00.012-05:00

Pictured: Your Glorious Home Bar

By Johnny Lager

Every now and then, when I'm feeling ambitious, I'll present to you this series of How-to's.

~~Booze~~ Spirits:
There are many, many types of cocktails, never mind the number of ingredients and their varying qualities and characteristics. And of course, every drinker has their own idiosyncrasies. So how can we build or fine-tune our humble home-bar to accommodate everyones prima-donna, persnickety needs?

Well, we have 4 options:
1) Are you just hanging with your college friends? McCormick Vodka and any blue colored syrup you can find at the grocery store will do. Even cough syrup. Maybe get a lime. Prolly not.
Cost = Shame Tolerance

Pictured: No.

2) If you have classier friends, like I pretend to, go to your local liquor store, head straight to the bottom shelf and get one of everything; vodka, gin, blended whiskey, bourbon, light and dark rums. You can buy more expensive signature bottles as you scrape together the loot. Next, you need dry and sweet vermouths. Vermouth is cheap, so always buy the best. Martini & Rossi, FTW.

Liquor: $50

Vermouth $12

3) My favorite option: For a few dollars more you can get some pretty tasty stuff; Sobieski vodka, Seagrams gin and Canadian Whiskey, Evan William's bourbon. Rum? I know f_ck-all about rum. Help me out in the comments section, wouldya? Anyway, as far as bar-bang-for-your-buck, these are cheap yet high quality liquors you won't mind mixing. Cocktails made with these carefully selected bottles will put you in good stead with the hoi polloi.
Liquor: $65

Vermouth $12

4) What's that? You make a killing working for VanDeLay Industries? Well pardon me, Lord Swankington; go ahead, buy all the "top shelf" sh_t all at once! ...Ahem... My top shelves at the moment are Belvedere vodka, Boodles gin, Tullamore Dew Irish Whiskey, Makers Mark Bourbon, Laphroaig Scotch and whatever rum I'm experimenting with at the moment. Currently Pyrate XO Reserve.

Liquor: $?? Sky's the limit, homeschool.

Vermouth $12 Seriously, Martini & Rossi, FTW.

Pictured: Martini & Rossi FTW.

Mixers:
Finally, you'll need mixers. A grocery store will have all the common mixers like juice and soda. I keep orange juice, pineapple juice, tonic, ginger beer and Coca-Cola on hand at all times. Pepsi is for children. They'll also have sweetened and unsweetened lime juice as as well as grenadine.

Mixers: $15-20

Pictured: Entry Level Martini; Halo

Your shopping trip will give you all you need to mix quite a few classic cocktails at a moments notice. For example, I often like to surprise myself with a dry martini within minutes of getting home. Self-love is key. And you can mix so much more; a Dry, Sweet or Perfect Manhattan, all the Bucks, Coolers and Mules, as well as several standards like the Gin and Tonic, Screwdriver, Rum or Whiskey and Coke, etc. And, thanks to me, you did it all within your budget. Ain't I sweet?

Next installment, Bar Equipment, on the cheap!

Bottoms up, keep it classy,

Laphroaig 10 Year

2011-02-02T22:00:00.005-05:00

Laphroaig 10 Year: Price varies by state, but it is considered to be of high value and low price: $35-70.

The whole crew got excited to review Laphroaig 10 Year, so as to not overwhelm, we all kept it brief.

Some Facts:

Laphroaig is a single-malt Scotch, meaning it is made from barley grain , roasted over peat.
It is brewed on the south coast of the Isle of Islay, by the head of Loch Laphroaig. 
The Laphroaig distillery was established in 1815, by Alexander and Donald Johnston.   
Laphroaig is the only whisky to carry the Royal Warrant of the Prince of Wales (the 15-year-old is reportedly his favorite), awarded in person in 1994.
When you purchase a bottle and register it, you have also purchased a lifetime lease on one square foot of Scotland! You are now a Scottish land-owner. They even pay you rent, one dram per foot, per year, payable when you visit your plot.

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Johnny Lager

"Nose: The scent is mild and smoky with costal salt air notes, evidence of the ocean's influence on their peat fields; some nuttiness at the edges

Taste: Rich, smokey, peaty, costal flavors sit on the tongue, with a slight burn and catch. At the first sip, you are overwhelmed, in a good way, and for just an instant, you and the Scotch are no more, having been replaced by the sum total, becoming something quite different. You have briefly achieved oneness with it, and perhaps, the universe. But this not true satori, or enlightenment; no, you must return to the world. But do not fret; you have a whole glass in front of you. Take it slow. Savor it. Ponder it's transformative effect. Reflect on your place in your world. The universe. Value the warmth and good-will of this moment in time. Decide to reciprocate. This is the path of joyful self awareness. This is the Tao of Laphroaig."

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Big Sauce

"I am not a Scotch drinker. That said, I do not hate Scotch. Two Scotches that occasionally brighten my day are Glenlivet and Chivas Regal, perhaps precisely because they're comparatively mild, and sans that characteristic peatiness that I've yet to appreciate. As a novice Scotch drinker, I found Laphroaig overpoweringly smokey and peaty. But if you're into that sort of thing, you may likely find it delicious."

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Clash Glasses

"Short and sweet:

-smells like shoe leather,

-one super strong note (peat) at the expense of others,

-I love it."

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Brew Radley

Brew is on one of his many adventures, and will report back when he returns, but when asked if he wanted to contribute to this article he had this to share:

"Scotch is my fave booze as it is. I bought a bottle of Laphroig early in my Scotch appreciation years and thought someone had sabotaged my tasty cocktail with a chunk of sod. but I soldiered on lads, I made it through the bottle."

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Unanimous praise? Close enough. Get some.

Old Forester Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whisky

2011-02-02T02:21:00.026-05:00

By Big Sauce

The liquor store nearest to my abode offers an increasingly impressive variety of Bourbons, so it's always a treat to swagger in and back to the shelves where often there is a new surprise singing my name like a siren to a sailor. My last visit finds me Stumbling with a bottle of Old Forester, a brand I've not yet sampled. The nose speaks of the modest 86 proof, whose invigorating aroma reminds me of when I was a child and my father would put together models of warplanes in the basement, without much ventilation, and the glue and the paint vapors hung aggressively in the air. This initial boozy whiff soon reveals a more brazen caramel lingering not too far above the burnt oak. The hue is a deep brown-orange, the color of autumn, or new rust.

This Bourbon is by no means fancy, but it does actually take the time to groom its ragged mustache, so I sip neat with cold water on the side, if necessary. The thin, sharp bite of alcohol is brief, and gives rise to an alarmingly smokey peak, almost Scotchy, with characteristic undertones of molasses. Sort of strange for a Bourbon, but not off-putting. The finish is warm and manly, like a mouthful of pipesmoke in December, and not unpleasant for a 25 dollar liter. One achieves the sensation that one has done some good in this world. As with most Bourbons, the flavors go damned nicely with a plug of pipe tobacco of one's choosing. My personal preference is for a half-dry half-sweet blend, erring on the side of dry.

Cheers, -BS

A song to accompany:

The Beta Band "Dry The Rain"

2011-02-01T00:28:00.006-05:00

"Dry the Rain" by The Beta Band seems a bit long at first blush, clocking in at 6:06. However, I think we have established that I enjoy listing to longer songs and reflecting on the day, whilst imbibing an accordant libation. This song, like any given day, slowly builds upon itself, revisiting themes and evolving. Like too few days, it eventually rolls into something quietly jubilant and beautiful, reminiscent of a loved one.

I recommend pairing this song with that loved one and Framboise; a Belgian lambic beer that is fermented using raspberries. It is the only fruited beer, other than the more traditional sour cherry, kriek beer, that I can stand. Framboise is light, celebrative and sweet, without being overwhelming. If fruited bears are not your cup, and I don't blame you, try a pilsner; mild, simple, crisp, unassuming and slightly sweat.

Beatific bonus track after the jump:

The Gesture

2011-01-29T14:59:00.007-05:00

By Clash Glasses
Last weekend the fair lass and I went for a ski trip into the heart of the wintry north (or at least the southern edge of the wintry north) Wilmington Vermont. We stayed at a sweet little spot called the Wilmington Inn and Tavern - great food and a perfect little chill out area with a bar, fireplace, and a smattering of plush leather chairs to sink into while you enjoy the warmth and slake the thirst.

The lady and I timed our approaches perfectly (she from Boston and I from Albany) and we both hit the driveway within 40 seconds of each other - nice! Of course being flatlanders, neither of our rides have snow tires and they are both very non-SUV, they are Japanese 4-cylinder cars on pizza cutters. We could not make it up the driveway and I managed to get mightily hoisted into snowbanksville during my backward descent. I lived in Buffalo NY for a while, and have seen my fair share of snow (and I keep a snow shovel in the car). I was not phased, I just hopped out and started digging.

After a time the proprietor (John) came out to lend a hand, I later learned that he is a recent transplant from NYC only a couple years back. We hacked away at it and traded off the shovels, mine snow and his metal for the ice layer, and finally we got my beast free (a sweet ass 2001 Nissan Altima that is tricked out to the gills - or more likely just my beloved banged-up beater).

We both parked across the street in a fit of rebellion, temporarily ignoring a paper sign that read "Please Don't Leave Your Car Here."

We walked our bags up to check in and John was apologetic about the driveway situation - which in my mind was basically our fault for not having snow tires in January in Vermont. We were just glad to have arrived and to be at the start of our mini-vacation. John offered to buy us a drink for our trouble. He proceeded to recommend a Long Trail Imperial Porter - a dark, hoppy, robust brew that fit the bill perfectly for us coming in out of the cold - like the lawnmower beer of snow shoveling. Not to mention it was a 22 and I love beer in large containers - especially free, good beer in large containers. It hit the spot and set the tone for our stay perfectly - awesome! I had several other beers at that bar but none so sweet as the gifted one. John may have made a new friend for life - how easy was that?! I am a beer sloot and not ashamed of it.

So buy someone a drink! It's a classy move and easy to do; the recipient will appreciate it a ton - they may even make you a godfather or beneficiary or something, you never know what karma may bestow.

Cheers!