Dear Boys and Girls,

It’s day 4 of the Ultimate Reset Cleanse and I do declare that I’m falling in love…with food again. When I attempted to go raw vegan last year, I experienced a similar falling in love but I did so without guidelines and boundaries. If it was raw–and that meant raw chocolate cake, raw chips, raw nuts, raw cheese–I ate it. Before long, my pants were tighter, I was less muscular, and suprise-surprise, I fell out of love. In retrospect, after a long period of competition dieting, I needed a break from measuring and weighing every ounce of food, from flavorless food, and repetition. But since I tend to be a woman of extremes, my pendulum swung all the way in the other direction: indulgence!

After less than 8 months of being raw, I slowly made my way back to the middle of the pendulum. I began reincorporating fish and eggs into my diet as well as other cooked foods. I had kept some of the habits from my raw days–such as eating more raw veggies and including super foods such as chia seeds and maca in my morning oatmeal. Still, my eating habits remained pretty boring and automatic. I was eating the same foods all the time: fish and veggies for lunch and dinner, without ever really varying the types of veggies. Fruit? I would only ever buy gala apples and bananas on occasion.

Lunch Day 3 of the Ultimate Reset

While one of the greatest challenges in doing the Ultimate Reset Cleanse is taking the time to prepare the meals, I’m honestly thankful for it. I’m having fun in the kitchen again! When I woke up this morning I admit that I wasn’t too excited about having two cups of fresh fruit with 1/2 cup of plain yogurt and a slice of gluten free bread. The meal seemed boring in my mind and I was worried that it would not be filling. But as I stood in my kitchen peeling and slicing my papaya, cutting my strawberries, I felt a sense of appreciation for the process of preparation and for my food. I can’t remember ever buying papaya or the last time I cut strawberries. I’m really not exaggerating when I tell you that the experience of eating my yogurt covered fruit this morning surpassed that of any cheat meal or even red velvet cake I’ve had.

Day 2 Breakfast

I’m also finding that my time in the kitchen is becoming meditative, whereas before it was purely mechanical. I have always gone into the kitchen with a “let’s get this done” mentality, not really being present. As cheesy as it may sound, it’s really nice to nurture myself in the cooking process itself and to enjoy my life in the details. This lesson is carrying over into other areas of my life.

Dinner Day 1

It might not always be feasible or practical to “find yourself” and “be with yourself” in the kitchen, I understand that. Sometimes you just have to get it done. But this experience has made me ask, in what other areas of our lives do we just get it done?

I’m choosing to be present, starting in the kitchen.

Your friend,

Barbie Decker, PhD

Dear Boys and Girls,

After some initial resistance, I’m all in. I’m ready to do the 21-Day Ultimate Reset Cleanse. I was initially reluctant because, to be completely truthful, I was afraid that doing it would make me more obsessive than I already am with my body and with what I consume. It’s not even day 1 one yet (I start tomorrow) and I am already noticing a shift: I am becoming very AWARE of my habits and patterns around food and eating.

I just realized this very second that there is a difference between being aware of how you feel, of what your body feels, of what your needs are, both physically and emotionally, and being obsessive about what you’re eating because you’re afraid of the impact it’ll have on your body. The first seems healing. Healthy. The other, not so much. When did food go from friend to enemy? Hm. There’s some food for thought for me, for us.

I’m looking forward to renewing my relationship with food and eating itself and to getting in tune to what my is body truly saying, wanting, needing.

Your friend,

Barbie Decker, PhD

Dear Boys and Girls,

“Growth is a step outside of your comfort zone.” During dinner two days ago we were asked to share our story. The request prompted me to ask myself how I got here, how I got to be the person sitting at the dinner table. What I wanted to share with others was not how I stumbled upon Beachbody or the coaching opportunity, but how I came to be who I am.

At first, my inability to mentally explain to even myself how I got here filled me with slight panic and confusion. Then I realized that the road to success or even the road to failure is not rectilinear. Although the myth of overnight success might be appealing and convenient, we don’t get to who we are by connecting two simple dots. We are all a collection and amalgam of countless experiences, choices, decisions, mistakes, and failures. As I looked around the room I knew that what was true for me was true for every single person in that room. With that realization came a feeling of belonging and community. Perhaps before that moment of clarity I had unconsciously asked myself who had mistakenly let me in to this elite group?

We each have a story that is unique to us, but I know that the commonality we share is our willingness and determination to get past the periods of confusion and fuzziness, even during those times when we don’t know exactly where we are headed. Sometimes just knowing that you want a better life is direction enough, at least for me.

I’d love to have a neatly summarized story of how I came to be me, but I don’t. I know that my wish for clarity, this present feeling of discomfort is where the good stuff happens. It’s called growth.

Your friend,

Barbie Decker, PhD

Dear Boys and Girls,

In a few hours I’ll be on a plane to Tahiti on a Beachbody reward trip for placing in the top ten for 2011. I worked my tail off in December to ensure that I made the cut. That was a perfect case of what I was referring to on my last blog when I said sometimes you have to give up certain things to achieve a certain goal. I knew that I would have to sacrifice some  time with friends during the holidays to be able to enjoy this 5-Star trip with Beachbody’s coaching elite. Now that the time is here, I am determined to enjoy it and I’m taking my friend and coach Ro with me! I’m ready to hang up my work hat for a bit, play, and just recharge.

When I return the week of May 8th, I’ll be starting a Challenge Group with my customers in which we will be supporting each other through Beachbody’s new 21-Day Ultimate Reset Cleanse. After seeing some of my friends achieve some really impressive results–weight loss from 10 to 21 lbs, reduced cellulite, relief of eczema as well as chronic insomnia–I’m in. I promise you, this is not a starvation hokey-pokey cleanse.

One of my customers (who is not a coach and does not benefit in any way from talking about the cleanse) has decided to video blog her 21-day journey during the cleanse. She’s currently on day 5 and one can see just what an awakening experience it has been for her. If you’re even slightly curious, take a peek at her videos. This is her YouTube Channel:

Fabienne’s Cleanse Video Journey

Since I probably won’t be blogging for the next 12 days while I am away, I invite you to follow her journey on YouTube. If you would to join my challenge group starting Monday, May 14th, make sure to get  your Ultimate Reset Cleanse Kit from my website. You must have received your kit by the 10th so you have enough time to get your foods together and so I can add you to our facebook group. Please note, this is only for my customers, so you must purchase from my site and you cannot already have an existing account with another assigned Beachbody coach. I won’t be available to answer any questions, so if you really want in, just choose whatever kit works best for you. Trust that you know what is right!

I’m looking forward to starting this new journey when I come back. In the meantime, I’m gonna go have me some fun! <3

Your friend,

Barbie Decker, PhD

Dear Boys and Girls,

My high school English teacher Mrs. Arnold used to love to repeat the saying, “There’s no such thing as free lunch.” At the time, I didn’t get what she meant. Lately, I’ve been living it and now I understand the basic concept that sometimes to have this, whatever “this” is, you have to give up a little bit of that. A person who appears to “have it all,” might actually have it all in one area, but is most probably unbalanced in other areas of their life. Do I speak from personal experience? Yes! I tend to be so singular-minded in the pursuit of my goals that I wind up feeling unbalanced and unsettled. I’m in the process of re-crafting the vision for my ideal life, one that includes my life as a whole and not just one or two aspects.

When I was ridiculously fit, I had to give up restaurant outings with my friends and pretty much my whole social life. Being super duper fit was more important than being able to go out to dinner with friends. I mean, I was so strict that just making the best salad choices wasn’t even an option for me. The truth is, too, that most of my energy and thoughts went to my physical fitness. There was no room in my life for much else. Eventually, that state of imbalance made me feel unhappy, and so began the road toward a more balanced approach to fitness.

Lately I’ve been experiencing that same feeling of hmm, something is off. I am so passionate about what I do as a coach, about helping people, about being there for my coaching team, about working in general (it gives me so much energy), that I have forgotten to have a social life. There’s always an email that needs to be answered, a blog post to be written, a question to be answered, a project to be started or completed. As I said, I LOVE what I do, so it’s easy to keep going, but if I neglect my personal life, what is the cost? The solution is not to stop working, just as it was not to stop exercising. The solution lies in finding balance and creating a vision for your/my life.

Yes, I want to be fit! Yes, I want to have a successful business! But I also want to enjoy the city I’m living in with friends and a significant other. I am incredibly fortunate that I get to travel to amazing places and that I have friends all over the country who I see regularly.  But I need something more here, where I spend most of my time, and I’m ready to craft the ideal vision.

I’m currently listening to PJ McClure’s audiobook The Mindset Maven and just completed the exercises on chapter 8 on crafting your vision. I’d love to share some of the questions he asks to help you create your own vision, one that is whole and true to you.

As you do this exercise, don’t limit your thinking. You are designing your ideal life. By writing it down, your subconscious will help you find a way to make it a reality. Of course, then you have to be willing to work to make it happen. Here they are:

Paper Doll Exercise:
Where do you live, what area, region, country? on a beach, mountain, or city?
What do you do professionally ? if you could do anything you wanted, what would it be?
What is your professional environment? pain the walls? furniture. yard
How is your relationship with your family?
How do you dress?
Is your body different?
Who are your friends?
What are your hobbies?
What are your daily routines?
Are you active in your community?
Have you won awards?
Have you experienced personal growth?
What areas keep you growing and how?
Do you do it through travel, formal education, religion, teaching.
How do others describe you?
When people talk about you, what do they say in your ideal life?

I invite you take the time to really reflect and put pen to paper. I’m personally grateful for this exercise and am ready to take the necessary steps to move closer to my ideal life. Change isn’t always easy or comfortable, but I’m committed to living my best life.

Your friend,

Barbie Decker, PhD

Dear Boys and Girls,

I just finished my workout a little while ago for which I’d love someone to give me a gold star. Any teachers in the house? It wasn’t my best workout ever or the funnest or the hardest. A good workout sometimes is just a workout that is done and in the books. Don’t get me wrong, I did make an effort and even broke a sweat. I showed up and made it count. But I just didn’t feel like working out, and I hate to admit it, it’s not as I was too busy, or too tired or stressed. Quite honestly, I just lacked the motivation to get my workout in this morning. So what’s a guy or girl to do when you just don’t feel like bringing it? You’re about to find out.

I normally don’t work out on Sundays, so getting out of my routine by skipping yesterday’s workout was part of the problem. If I can offer a piece of advice it would be: create a schedule and stick to it. Okay, I know, sometimes things come up and you can’t get your workout in at the scheduled time. Stuff happens, but if you allow other things to take priority over your workout time, you’ll never get the results you want. So, make the decision that your exercise time is sacred. I promise you, you’ll be a better mom, dad, girlfriend/boyfriend, friend if you take care of yourself. If your loved ones don’t get it, then that’s okay; carry on, anyway. You might need to get up earlier or go to sleep later to make sure it gets done. But put you and your health first.

Ok, I think I digress. So what do you when you do miss your scheduled workout? Schedule your next workout and stick to it. That’s what I did. I knew that before I started my day today I would get the darn thing in. With no emotion, no drive, just pure commitment and a dose of boredom, I put on my workout clothes and pushed play to Les Mills cardio workout “Combat.” I normally LOVE that workout! I love everything about it: the pretty boys and girls, the music, the length (45 minutes) and the moves. It’s fun and it makes me feel alive! This time around, I couldn’t stop thinking how much I didn’t want to be doing an uppercut or a jab, hook. Blah. I had a hard time combating that voice in my head that kept asking me when it would be over or reminding me that I didn’t reallly want to be doing any of it. And yet, I continued. When I would catch myself having those thoughts, I would bring it a little more intensely, although admittedly, I didn’t go all out. Forty-five long minutes after, it was over. Mission accomplished.

What made me press play and get it done when every inch of me was telling me to skip a day and stop mid-workout? Commitment and a clear vision of what I want. I visualized myself feeling fit and fitting nicely into my clothes. I told myself that it was by doing this that I would be able to maintain my level of fitness or reach my desired goal. I also knew that if I didn’t get my workout in today that I would feel as if I had not accomplished what I set out to do and that feeling just plain sucks.

With my workout done, it’s time to go enjoy the rest of my Sunday. Hope everyone has an awesome week!

Your friend,

Barbie Decker, PhD

Me: I was having a good day!

Dear Boys and Girls,

I’ve been wanting to write about body image and “fat days” for a while now. I love blogging when I feel that I have a solution, when I’ve figured it all out. But the last time I waited to have all the answers, I didn’t blog for 9 months. So, here I am, with an issue that I know many people struggle with… ugh, I hate to call a spade a spade: distorted body image on proverbial “fat days.”

I texted my friend the other day saying, “I’m having a fat day.” He responded, “What’s a fat day?” Are you serious, I thought? Could he be that lucky to not be plagued by that obsessive feeling of being a blob and simply put, of being just plain uncomfortable in your own skin? By the way, for the women wondering if men also have fat days, they do.

Let me get something straight before anyone protests that I’m being insensitive toward people who are legitimately overweight. You can feel beautiful in a size 12 and awful in a 2. Your actual size or body shape is less important than how you feel. Well-being is not only about size, it’s also about your emotional and psychological state. On days that I am hypercritical of my body, where I feel that things are bulging out, not firm enough, not fit or small enough, the fact that I am within a healthy weight and body fat range just does not matter. Fat days are not rational, but the emotions are real.

Last week my friend pointed out that I am looking very fit and “so small.” The comments coincided with what I was feeling that week. I patted myself on the back for clean eating and bringing intensity to my training. How could it be that just 3 days later, I was in that fat space again? Nothing I put on felt right. All I could see when I looked in the mirror was what was wrong, what needed to be smaller, tighter. Sigh.

I’m not sure what’s behind the physiological reasons for fat days. I mean, maybe on those days we are in fact retaining more water or something. But, sigh, I know that, at least for me, fat days have more to do with a feeling of not being good enough. (Okay, sometimes it sucks to be so darn transparent, but I can’t help it. Plus, I know there are many out there who can relate, so here goes!)

Earlier this week, when I was struggling with that feeling, I asked myself the question: If I were smaller or if I felt smaller, then what? I invited myself to explore those answers without judgment. I didn’t love what I discovered, but I can’t say I was surprised. The story I was creating was that if I were smaller I would be more likeable, more attractive, that I would be good enough. Good enough for who? Would a guy I’m interested in like me more because I am at 14% bodyfat versus 18%? Would my friends want to be in my company more because my waist was an inch smaller that week? The answers are obvious. I am enough. I am beautiful. I am loveable just as I am.

On days that I struggle, it helps just a tiny bit to know that the feeling is passing. On days like that, I admit it’s hard to get off the crazy spin cycle, and usually, I just have to ride it out. However, instead of indulging in self-pity, I take care of myself by eating super clean, working out hard, drinking lots of water to flush out my system and I make an attempt to look pretty instead of staying in my sweaty workout clothes. Don’t misunderstand me, doing these things doesn’t make me feel much better at that moment, but indulging in  behavior such as overeating or additional negative self-talk is destructive and could lead you down the path of becoming in fact fatter!

Instead of resolving to diet down to a size I know I can’t maintain with sanity, I know that the work to be done lies in self-acceptance and self-love. I am a work in progress, moving in the right direction. And to be honest, I’m just thankful today is not a fat day. Hallelujah!

Your friend in fitness,

Barbie Decker, PhD

Dear Boys and Girls,

Not long after I began blogging back in 2008, one of my readers suggested that I keep to my fitness related posts and stay clear of those relating to the business. He or she insisted that those interested in Beachbody’s multi-level marketing (mlm) opportunity were clearly in the minority. S/he added that by talking about the business I was putting off my readers.  The last thing I want to be perceived as is an icky network-marketer, so I heeded to the advice by keeping my business related posts to a bare minimum.

Fast forward 3 or 4 years since that comment was made. As one of the elite coaches in a network of over 75,000 people, I see it as part of my mission to help others see just what is possible as a Beachbody coach. I know I have something valuable to share and I am going to do so unapologetically. I receive a lot of messages from coaches asking for tips, advice, and mentorship. With only 24 hours in a day, my one on one work time has to be devoted to my team and my customers. But by blogging about coaching and sharing what I know, I hope to help other coaches seeking guidance.

Yesterday I co-hosted a “Super Saturday” event at Beachbody Headquarters in Santa Monica, California with my friend and elite coach, Nick Husin. These quarterly events offer coaches an opportunity to come together to celebrate the previous quarter’s achievements & happenings as well as to find out what we as coaches can look forward to over the next 90 days. From personal experience I know that something indescribable can happen when you attend one of these Beachbody events. It was during my very first event in Dallas, TX in 2008 that I realized that Beachbody was a company with a heart that had a very mom & pop shop kind of feel to it. It was important for me to feel that they weren’t just concerned about the bottom line. Hearing coaches share their physical and financial success testimonials made me feel, for the first time ever, that the American Dream was very much alive and that I, who had grown up on public assistance, could partake in it, too. Something about attending that event instilled in me the belief that success would happen for me, too.

I knew that my role at yesterday’s event was not merely to disseminate information and details that coaches could easily obtain from a powerpoint presentation. My hope was that the attendees would walk away with the belief that what was possible for me and for other successful coaches in the network was also possible for them.

It was amazing to hear coaches give their testimonials. One of my team members, Denise Rodriguez, shared how just one year ago she had sat in that very same room thinking that success was for other people. This past December, she fired her boss and became a full-time coach. I felt proud and overjoyed when I saw another one of my team members, Alta, walk in with her team of coaches. Just one year ago she had walked in 35 pounds heavier, struggling with her weight, and not yet a coach. Yesterday, I saw her as a true leader.

While part of me was a little nervous about sounding like a parrot, repeating the same message over and over, I did it anyway! “Yes, this can happen for you!”; “Pay attention to this, don’t block me out because you think you can’t achieve Success Club. This is for you!”; “The Leadership Retreat? YES! You can make it happen!”; “Summit this June in Vegas, YOU HAVE TO BE THERE!”; “You have to believe you can make things happen.” I know that those hungry for change heard what they needed to hear.

When it was all said and done, I felt that something special had happened in that room. Again, it’s so difficult to describe, but you can see it in people’s eyes when something has shifted in their mindset. It’s as if they have put on new glasses that allow them to see things more clearly and bright. As people exited the room, I saw this look and my heart felt happy.

To your success!
Barbie Decker, PhD

Dear Boys and Girls,

Woah, the last time I blogged was in July of last year. Sitting here writing this entry (in bed) with a cup of coffee feels comforting and right, like coming home. Hi! Hello! Take a seat, make yourself comfortable. I think you’ll like my new home, too. I’m here to stay.

Part of the reason I stopped blogging was because I was in the middle of constructing a new blog. For some reason, I wanted to wait until the new site was up before moving forward. I was discounting the existing version in anticipation of the one under construction. Ha, I just realized the correlation between my attitude vis a vis my blog and what was happening with my fitness journey.

Sometime last April I got sick of restrictive dieting, of having to weigh every ounce of food, of feeling deprived, and of dieting down to look a certain way. At the same time I started watching food documentaries such as Food, Inc. and Forks Over Knives and reading books on nutrition. I’m a girl of extremes–for better and for worse–so I rebelled against my old eating ways and embraced the raw vegan lifestyle with full force instead of changing some habits gradually.

For a short while, I enjoyed not counting calories, trying out all the raw vegan desserts, eating healthy things like bananas and nuts, as well as eating out more often than I had previously done. After having been so strict for so long, I let loose! I may have been eating super healthy foods, but yes, there is such a thing as too much of a good thing (nuts and raw desserts are high in calories)! My pants felt tighter not long after, and for the rest of the year, I struggled to find a vegan eating plan that would allow me to remain lean and sane. To be honest, I didn’t want to blog while I struggled to find my balance. Part of me just needed this time off from blogging to figure things out on my own.

Being so restrictive with what I could or could not eat caused me to develop an unhealthy relationship to food and I created unreasonable expectations of how I should look. As the 2012 progressed, I began to find what worked for me and what didn’t. I began eating fish and eggs again, tracking my meals in MyFitnessPal, and went back to only one “cheat meal” per week. Instead of labeling myself as “raw vegan,” “vegetarian/pescatarian,” or “carnivore,” I just found what worked for me.

I want to say that I’ve found my balance, but a more accurate statement would be to say that I have found my balancing act. Most days I feel great about how I look and how I’m eating. I will enjoy a glass of wine or restaurant meal with friends on a non-splurge evening. According to friends and family, I’m way more fun now and seem more relaxed. It’s true, being super restrictive can be socially isolating.  But if I splurge too often I start to dislike the effects on my body. So again, it goes back to finding a balance and what works for you and your goals.

I’ve given up on trying to be perfect.  I’m just trying to be fit, to be healthy, and to enjoy my life. Here’s to a new and improved version of me. Thanks for reading and I hope you will accompany me on this journey.

Barbie Decker, PhD

Dear Boys and Girls,
I had been planning my month long trip to Europe for months now. About two or three weeks before I left for Paris (I’m here now), I started to panic. What if I get fat in Paris? What if I go crazy and forget that I’m into fitness? That I don’t eat processed foods? That I’ve been eating vegan and a somewhat high percentage of raw for almost two months now? What if I undo all my hard work?

I know these worries may seem silly to most, but Paris is emotionally charged for me. The last time I was here for a month, I went hog wild. My friends found me cleaning out the refrigerator by eating its contents. I had hit rock bottom and in Paris, I had decided to stay there. I had somewhat thrown in the towel with my weight. Instead of making better eating choices, I was having 2 to 3 desserts per day.

The end result? My fat before picture.

So, while Paris is lovely and the women are skinny (they’re actually not that skinny and definitely not fit, and I don’t say that to be catty at all), the emotions that I brought with me here were charged and not so positive. So: before arriving, I prepared myself mentally and emotionally. I brought along my raw protein powder, some super foods, my Shakeology, and a whole new mind set:

I am here to enjoy myself, the company of my friends, and this beautiful country. I am not here to stuff myself to oblivion and forget that fitness is a defining part of my life. That said, and to answer the question once and for all of, “Will you have a croissant while you’re here?”, the answer is: probably. I will probably have some cheese, too. Who knows. But the truth is, I’m really not giving it that much thought, not as much thought I as I thought I would.
What I realized? I am a changed woman. I am not the same woman who was cleaning the fridge out with her mouth. Excuse the visual.

Fitness is part of my life.

Eating clean is part of my life.

Wow. I must admit, I am so pleasantly surprised that food does not have that control over me, not the way I thought it did. I feel happy.

I’m spending 18 days with a friend that I went to graduate school with. To be honest, I can’t tell you how glad I am to be spending my days with someone who is also into health and fitness. We wake up, we bring it with a Beachbody workout, we eat clean, and we live. We experiment with Shakeology daily, although spinach and chocolate Shakeology has been the drink of choice lately. It is sooo amazing! no joke! Oh, and we often add a teaspoon of mesquite for an added malt flavor. It’s great to share a living space with someone who doesn’t bug me about why I’m not eating cheese or meat, but who simply understands and shares my love of eating clean, of looking, and most importantly feeling good.

Yesterday, we tried Bikram Yoga for the first time. It was…sweaty and not as much fun as I had imagined, but it was great. Today we did Brazil Butt Lift, the BumBum workout. Tomorrow? Who knows? I think we’re doing Bikram and maybe a little tennis.

Life is good. You can change. It takes time. My fat days are behind me.

Amen. Here’s to the present and the future.

Barbie Decker, PhD