Song For The Day

Comment below! Bath time song or summer driving?

When we look back on our past relationships, too often we remember the way they ended. The big fight, the difficult breakup, the painful emotions. The final chapter where we part ways often sticks in our minds. But as I sit here today, and reflect on my past relationships, I can’t help but think about the moments where they started.

I’m not talking about the moment we finally decided to call it a ‘relationship’. I’m talking about the moment I, they, or both of us, set in motion the sequence of events that led to all of those amazing experiences we had together. Even as I’m writing this I feel those moments tugging on my heart strings, making me realise just how significant the most insignificant of moments can be.

The moment I finally asked that girl at school to go to the cinema with me (albeit very timidly)…

The moment when I was 18, driving my car with the friend I’d always secretly had a crush, and I took the risk to hold her hand for the first time….

The moment in the elevator where I kissed that girl on the cheek…

The moment I met eyes with that person on he street in the middle of London, prompting me to run after her once she’d walked by…

These small moments have given me some of the greatest experiences of my life so far. And as I sit here writing about them I can’t help but recall how many more of these moments I could have created along the way but didn’t.

How many of these moments did I miss? How many of these moments have you missed in your life? Not that it’s productive to think that way, but it does serve as a reminder for just how rich everyday can be.

If we’ve missed these moments in the past, then chances are we’re still missing them today. And of course it’s much more than just the moment that we miss, it’s the whole new future that that moment would have created had we gone for it.

It’s for this reason I’ve always found time travel so fascinating. Time travel brings with it the simple idea that a single change in behaviour at any given moment can create an entirely different future…in effect, a parallel universe.

But the idea of us actually being able to invent the technology for time travel has never been necessary for me to maintain this fascination. The reason is that for me, time travel already exists, in the present. We get the chance to choose alternate realities in every moment of our lives. Anytime you make the decision to start speaking to the person standing next to you…the moment you decide to go out instead of staying in…the moment you decide to finally express your feelings to someone…the moment you decide to kiss someone on the cheek for no reason at all…these are all moments that have the ability to create a new future.

It blows my mind how much can change from one small moment. People too often forget that the changes in our destination can come from the smallest shifts in behaviour in any given moment. And right now I’m just speaking for our love lives, it’s truly mind blowing to see that this is possible for every other area of our lives too.

If you knew that speaking to the person ordering their coffee next to you would be the beginning of a life spent with your soulmate, would you do it?

Now of course it might not, but the possibility is there. And along with it the possibility of so many other things…a new friend, a lover, a chance to be part of a new circle of people…we could go on. The more relevant question is “what are the chances of any of these realities happening without you taking this moment and using it?”.

It’s hard to get what you want when no one knows you want it. Going about life like that is like walking into a restaurant and leaving it up to the waiter to bring you the thing you fancy most on the menu without telling him.

Life gives us a pretty big menu, which makes it that much more important that in our moments of decision we choose what we want; without succumbing to the fear of rejection, the fear of embarrassment, the fear of failure, or the fear of choosing the wrong thing.

And there are many moments of decision every day.

One day consists of 86,400 seconds, each one containing countless options, possibilities and decisions of which only one can emerge.

Here’s to the infinite variety life has to offer.

Matthew x

Track for the day: Track name –  Life of the Bird (Album – The Crimson Wing: Mystery of the Flamingos)

Question for today: Which moments will you commit to take more advantage of? Let me know in your comments below.

After one of my intensive Women’s Weekend programmes in New York I was looking to record a testimonial video with someone from the weekend who had already gone on to immediately get some truly incredible results. What ended up happening however was something entirely different…

This is going to be the first of a handful of videos with an oracle of wisdom, the first of which answers the hugely important question, why should you work hard in life?

Be sure to leave a comment! And we’ll be back with Episode 2 very shortly!

Matthew x

Watch this video first, the whole way through, then check out my article below for why I think hidden within it is one of the most important lessons we can learn for our love lives.

I can’t remember a single relationship I’ve ever had which didn’t hurt at some point. The hurt that comes from an argument where things are said that are hard to take back. The hurt that comes from feeling jealous, feeling like I somehow wasn’t enough. The hurt that comes from missing someone when they go away, even for a day or two. The hurt that comes from worrying you might lose someone.

Even in the best relationships I’ve had there has been some element of pain, for a negative reason or a positive one. It didn’t matter. There was still pain. I’m guessing that you’re experiences of relationships have been the same. Because the fact is, relationships can create pain. In fact, they have the ability to create pain more than any other area.

So why on earth do we put ourselves through it? Are we just masochists who enjoy putting ourselves up for this time and time again? Or is there something more to it?

I have been meaning to put this video up for a long time. It’s from the film 44 inch chest. Not a very pretty film – although my East-End London roots always seem to give me a peculiar affinity with films that contain a bunch of East-End accents, no matter how violent they may be – but this particular scene caught my eye.

The context is that Ray Winstone’s character has kidnapped the man his wife was having an affair with. Now not all of us would go to the extent of kidnapping the person who had an affair with our partner, but we’d perhaps be lying if we said we wouldn’t want to! So in his emotional state he goes into a passionate monologue about the nature of marriage and relationships. Despite the violent context in which it is placed, and the coarse language with which it is peppered, I found it deeply touching.

Why?

Because it gives an accurate depiction of what even beautiful relationships sound like at the grittiest level.

The little things done for each other that often go unappreciated. The little smile that is appreciated more than anything else in the whole world. The moments where we go out of our way just to make the other person happy, where their approval is the only thing we could want for. The paradoxical situation of love being both ‘lovely’ and ’murder’ at the same time.

No matter what we believe, relationships can be hard graft. That’s not to say they’re not effortless at times, but hard work goes into making a relationship stronger, just like it does in any other area of our life. This speech cuts through the fairytale that so many people are expecting when they get into a relationship. A fairytale that leads so many people to much pain with dashed expectations when their new reality doesn’t match the blueprint of how they thought it would be.

I truly believe that a huge number of relationships fail because of: 

1. The expectation that it’s somehow ‘supposed’ to be easy
2. The unwillingness to put in the hard graft when met with the reality of the situation.

Funnily enough, despite all this hard work and ‘murder’ I would consider myself a true romantic. Not a romantic in the sense of everything being beautiful and effortless and ‘floaty’ the whole time…

But consider this – in order to do all of this we have to decide that there’s someone out there we deem to be worthy enough to put in all of that effort for. Someone who is worth the pain and hard moments. Choosing our partner is a big decision. We often rationalise that it is a big decision by talking about how much time we are going to be with that person. But the more I think about it the more I believe the part of that decision that really carries the most weight is the choosing of the person we are going to put in all of this hard work for. The person we are going to go on this journey with; whom we are going to endure this pain for.

Forget the flowers and the romantic crap. We are starting a journey with someone in our lives. Someone who has the power to hurt us or make us happy on a level that perhaps no one else can. And yet knowing that this person could have such a profound impact on our feelings for better or worse, we still willingly give them that power. We put our heart in their hands with the belief that on some level they deserve it, and that it’s going to work.

What could be more romantic than that?

Matthew x

P.S. I had an idea for this week – leave a comment below about what love means to you…

Let’s get some ideas flowing in this amazing little community we have!

This Wednesday is a Leap Day, that rare occasion where the Gregorian calendar sneaks an extra day into the year, bumping us up to 366 days instead of the usual 365.

What’s more, this mysterious extra day goes hand in hand with a romantic tradition. According to an old Irish legend, St. Patrick made a pact with St. Bridget that on a leap day women should be allowed to propose to men – a modest concession for the rights of women perhaps – but nevertheless, at GetTheGuy we see St. Bridget as a pioneer of the message we have been spreading for the last 4 years: Women NEED to get more PRO-ACTIVE when it comes to finding happiness in love!

Sometimes romance needs more than a little push from the heavens; sometimes it needs a colossal kick up the backside from your sharpest-toed stilettos!

Why modern dating advice is holding every woman back

This leap year is for women everywhere. Women who are fed up with crappy advice that tells them to wait around for the perfect man to come and carry them off forever. We read this advice all the time. The kind of advice that tells us that any real prince charming should be so madly in love with you at first sight, that he’ll make all the moves, all the advances, and all you’ll have to do is be your pretty little self and wait for him to top it all off by requesting your hand in marriage and whisking you off into the sunset on his white horse.

And if he fails to see all of that in you from first sight, well hey, screw him, guess he wasn’t that into you in the first place.

Yet, why is it that advice books for women never assume the simple truth about men. Like, the fact that every man finds it the most difficult of all to speak to the women they are attracted to? Or the fact that he’s absolutely terrified of you rejecting him front of his friends? Or that (heaven forbid) he’s shy and desperately wants to find any excuse to meet you?

No, it can’t be any of that stuff. If he really wanted you, he would make the effort, right? Best wait some more.

So we wait…and wait…and wait…

Is this really the best a 21st century woman can hope for? Wouldn’t you rather raise a rebellious hand in the air, stick your head out of your bedroom window and yell with every shred of defiance in your guts: “NO MORE!”. Modern dating advice is making women powerless and miserable. Women are constantly shown the value of going after what they want in their careers, in their education, in their professional lives, but why not in their love lives?

The “One Giant Leap for Womankind” Project

At GetTheGuy, we’ve conceived the One Giant Leap challenge as a way of uniting women on a mission, to take back rightful control over their love lives again.

When we have control, we get confidence. When we have confidence we feel like we draw power and satisfaction from our lives. We feel like we have the ability to make things happen. Most of us have areas of our lives where we feel like this, yet, in our love lives, most of us feel like we are subject to a cosmic dice roll; a hope that somehow we will “get lucky” one day and all of our relationship woes will be taken care of.

Over the next six months we want women everywhere to shed this mentality and send their love lives into the next stratosphere:

If you are single and can’t seem to meet any new men – This leap year is for you.

If you can’t seem to get that cute guy at the party to come over – This leap year is for you.

If you keep getting phone numbers and dates that lead nowhere – This leap year is for you.

If you are stuck in a relationship rut and need to just feel some excitement about your relationship again – This leap year is for you.

One Giant Leap – For Singles

Mission 1 – Start three conversations with a complete stranger in the following:

1. A high street coffee shop
2. A bar
3. A queue
4. Apple Store – (guys adore gadgets!)

Find any excuse – Ask him to recommend a muffin at the coffee shop, or ask him where he got his jacket (say you are thinking of buying one for your brother/nephew), or tell him you just bought an iPhone and want to know which apps he recommends downloading.

Mission 2 – Become a social host

You are going to set up one night a week in which you invite at least 8 people to gather in a single venue. It could be at your house, at a cocktail bar, some kind of hobby/physical activity. It doesn’t matter if they all come; the point is, you start becoming the kind of person who brings other people together.

WARNING: This is dangerously effective at boosting your social calendar. Expect to be inundated with invites once you start becoming a social butterfly.

Mission 3 – AT LEAST twice a week, if you see a man you are attracted to, you have to approach and compliment him

And when you compliment him, make sure it’s for a something specific instead of saying “OMG, you’re gorgeous!”. Just say, “Look, someone has to tell you this, that jacket really suits you”. Or “I can’t let you leave without telling you what a great smile you have”.

The more specific you make it, the more a guy is intrigued to know more.

The aim of this exercise is:

(a) To make you stretch out of your comfort zone and get used to meeting men you are actually attracted to (anyone can approach people they have no interest in!).

(b) To make you less intimidated by looks – Most of us place a massive premium on looks. The more you approach people you find attractive, the less you are going to be thrown off just because of your physical attraction. You’ll actually start to become more discerning and not be fazed just because they happen to be pleasing to the eye.

Mission 4 – At any social event, you WILL talk to five strangers

Most of us in life stick with the people we know, and miss out on hundreds of opportunities because of it. When you go to a party or gathering, make an effort to work out those social muscles.

You can make this even more effective by making the following resolution: When the conversation falls flat, I will resolve to stay for five more minutes.

Why is this resolution so important? Because you get into the habit of digging deeper to find something interesting to say, instead of immediately excusing yourself as soon as you’ve exhausted all the obvious conversations e.g. “How you know the host?” “What do you do for a living?” etc.

Mission 5 – Become a giver

Go into a social event/work/gathering and bring cookies or ice cream for everyone. Then promise yourself you are going to give one to the three most attractive men you can find (you can even do this when you are out somewhere social – Just bring something along and tell people you are celebrating by giving out cakes etc.).

Once you become generous, it’s an easy move to start conversations with just about anyone.

Mission 6 – Ask for a phone number

In the spirit of the leap day tradition, try asking for a guy’s phone number.

You wouldn’t believe how many men kick themselves for forgetting to ask for your phone number after a long conversation. So turn the tides and take the initiative yourself. Simply say “You seem fun, we should get our friends together sometime. Give me your number and we’ll arrange something”. Don’t ask, tell!

Mission 7 – If you get invited to fancy dress this year, you HAVE to go. And you HAVE to dress up

Why the hell not?

Mission 8 – Send him more clues

For the next few months you are going to use this magic phrase: “I love it when a guy…”.

Is he wearing shoes you love? Tell him “I love it when a guy wears those boots/shoes/trainers etc.”

Has he got a manly beard? Give it a playful tug and say “I love it when a guy has that rugged beard look”.

Has he got big muscles? Playfully compare your arms with his and say “Wow, you’ve got me beat in the muscles department. I love a man who puts more hours in the gym than I do”.

Mission 9 – Go to a new venue/activity every week – And aim to speak to three new men when you get there

One Giant Leap – For Couples

For those of you who need a bit more juice out of your relationship, here are your own set of challenges:

Mission 1 – Start dating again

The first thing to do is start making an effort again.

Remember all that good stuff about falling in love? That heady period of spontaneity, a feeling of giddy excitement, a sense of constant surprise, stepping into the unknown.

We need to bring that back. From now on, schedule at least one date a week with your partner. This can be one night in the week where you both agree that no matter how busy you are, you’re both going to go out together and solely focus on each other, making an effort to dress up and look your best.

Mission 2 – Tell him how good he smells

Men need to hear this. We want to know that we have something unique that drives you crazy. As soon as he hears this, he’ll be more attracted to you than ever.

Mission 3 – Whisper in his ear how you can’t wait to get him home and tear his clothes off

Physical validation in relationships is a must. Everyone needs to feel desired. The best way to do this is to tease him by telling him in a public place where he can’t do anything about it. Make him fantasize about it the whole day.

Mission 4 – Initiate sex

A woman who puts her cards on the table and shows us what she wants is irresistible. Men love knowing that their partner is as interested in sex as they are. Make sure he knows it.

Mission 5 – Create some new memories

Don’t live off past memories. We should always be pushing the boundaries, creating new shared experiences to bring us close with our partner. The more you introduce variety into your relationship, the closer you are both going to feel to each other emotionally.

Remember, routine is the enemy of romance!

Variety makes things unpredictable; it’s this quality that makes new relationships so much fun.

So why not try surprising your partner with an exhilarating trip you can both take together? Or, instead of going to that restaurant you always go to, book an activity you’ve both never tried before. It might be wine-tasting, or going to see the opera, or maybe just having a picnic.

When you introduce variety in even the smallest way, your whole relationship will feel brand, sparkling new.

Mission 6 – Give a little gift

Showing someone you are thinking of them is always a way to re-introduce a spark. Send little love notes with an invitation for him to write a poem in return. Or even a gift to remind you both of your first date. It could just be ordering his favourite food and taking the night off with him.

Mission 7 – Massage

Thousands of relationships could be saved if only couples gave each other more back rubs. Giving someone a massage is a way of showing that you care about their relaxation and are sympathetic to their troubles. It’s like when we make a cup of tea for someone; it’s a small gesture that makes someone feel instantly comforted.

Mission 8 – Passionately kiss on the spur of the moment

Surprising him with a passionate kiss will send his hormones into overdrive and make him feel like the greatest man on earth. When men feel like this, you can expect great things in return!

So there you have it. Big proactivity for a BIG year! Here’s a way to start, leave a comment stating one way you are going to be more proactive in the coming week!

Back soon!

Matthew xxx

*Please pass this article around to your friends and colleagues so that we can get the whole nation being proactive today! Start by sending this to 3 people who you know need to be more proactive!* 

I had to tell you this story, it’s crazy. This journalist came to write a story about how GetTheGuy didn’t work. Watch the video and see the dramatic twist!

Also, if after the video you want to read the final story she wrote, I’ve included a link underneath the vid!

Matthew x

P.S. There’s a BIG learning point in the video, so be sure to watch it through (and don’t forget to leave a comment : ).

Click HERE to check out the offer that Matthew talked about at the end of the video

“…it was meant to be an exposé of dating gurus and their empty-promise tactics. But then Nikki Bayley heard what dating pro Matthew Hussey had to say, and her love life changed forever…”

READ THE FULL ARTICLE HERE!

Page 1 of the article     Page 2 of the article

Click HERE to check out the offer that Matthew talked about at the end of the video

If you have time, please leave a comment below with your ideas of what you want to achieve this year. Writing something down and stating it makes it all the more real.

Matthew x