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Divorce Rights - Property Distribution, Child Custody & Support, Alimony and Visitation

2011-04-12T01:16:00.000+08:00

Today, most of the young married couples who are on the course of divorce merely think that with divorce they will rid all the miseries and unevenness they are facing in life but, Alas! They are greatly mistaken. Divorce just doesn't end everything about a marriage, although it ends the legal contract between a husband and a wife but, it shatters the household that was based on that marriage. It also cannot break the relationship that the children of the marriage create merely by existing.
A marriage is a legal contract, and in general in every legal contract all the parties' rights must be respected.
When we talk about rights after divorce, it involves many aspects of divorce. And in United States it varies from state to state. Divorce rights principally imply each party's right at the time of divorce. There has been a significant change in divorce rights throughout the history and we still find these rights unstable today. For every divorcing couple, to better understand and maximize their divorce rights, they must take assistance of a trained professional family law attorney. These experts can guide in a better way and let you be aware of your divorce rights that are according to your specific circumstances and the laws that govern divorce in their state of residence.
Some of the commonly identified divorce rights involve distribution of property, child custody, child support, alimony (spousal support), and child visitation.
 Distribution of Property: when entering into a divorce, diversion of property is a great concern of both the couples. If they both were able to reach to a settlement, OK, else the court shall decide the distribution of the property. This distribution is generally based on either community property or equitable distribution. These statuary schemes may differ from state to state.
Under community property law (which is observed in few states) the marital property is divided equally as both the spouses are taken equal contributors. According to this law distribution doesn't imply to some of the property that is gifted, inheritance granted, purchased before marriage, and/or property that is excluded by prenuptial agreement.
Equitable distribution law is comparatively more common. The term doesn't mean equal but the fair distribution. This law allows courts more flexibility in fine-tuning property distribution to consider and take care of individual cases. The court shall consider the some factors when equitable distribution is carried out which includes; non-marital property, length of the marriage, health and age of both the spouses, income and earning capacity, who earned the property, debts and liabilities of the both the spouses, tax consequences, premarital agreements, present value of the property and any other applicable factor.
- Child Custody: is the most controversial aspect of divorce cases today. No parent has got the right to pawn child in divorce proceedings and negotiate over the issue if both the parents are equally likely to acquire the custody. Only the court has got the jurisdiction to decide over this issue. Child custody rights are awarded based on the best interests of the children involved. Child custody rights and responsibilities point out who will have legal and physical custody of the child. Child support payments will also be determined where applicable in child custody rights cases. Child custody may be legal or physical. The later one seems perfect but, has serious drawbacks as well.
Court today shall decide to award joint legal custody to the spouses, with sole physical custody to one of the spouses and fair visitation rights to the non-custodial parent.
In very rare situation, where neither parent is capable of being an effective parent, the court shall refuse to award the custody and in its place shall award the custody to another family member or in extreme cases to court appointed foster parent.
- Alimony or Spousal Support: is the amount of money one spouse is legally required to pay to the other in a divorce agreement. It may be periodically or in a lump sum, for a specified or for an indefinite term. Alimony and child support are the two main financial issues after custody is awarded. Alimony law differs from state to state.
Tax issues are also import in this matter. Alimony, unlike child support, is taxable to the person receiving the payment, and deductible by the person making the payment. The mode can be cash including checks and money orders. There different types of Alimony award. Most states allow lump sum payment but, is risky as the circumstances of receiving party may change needing additional amount.
- Child Support: is the amount of money paid by a non-custodial parent to a custodial parent for supporting the children after divorce. There are several factors on the basis of which the payment is determined. Child support payments are not tax subjected by neither party (payer to payee). A payment may be treated as fixed child support even if other separate payments are specifically designated as child support.
Each state court shall base the child support decision (as it varies from state to state) on the basis of child support guidelines. Some states base it on specific percentage of non custodial parent's income whereas the others base it on percentage that is the effect of the combined income of both the parents that determines the over all need of the child.
For a parent who exercises regular visitation, the child support amount may be decreased in order to allow that parent to provide for the need of the child directly during the visitation hours.
- Visitation: is the time or schedule that determined by the both the spouses and the court to the non custodial parent in order to visit his/her child on defined intervals (daily, weekly, or other periodic). Although visitation rights are generously awarded, a custodial parent can limit the visitation right by petitioning the court if finds out the visitation can harm the children.
Today there is found an emerging trend among all states of the US in granting visitation rights to other family members such as grandparents and others like stepparents and foster parents. With this new form of law, these members have legally enforceable visitation rights.
In addition to these issues roused in every divorce case, there is another issue that can also be observed sometimes.
- Marital Debts: is also one of the major issues of conflict between divorcing couples. In al most all states the court is authorized to decide the division of debts and assets irrespective of whose name the debts are and who is at the fault in divorce agreement. Both the spouses are to decide the debts settlement if not so; the court will divide debts on equitable basis. Factors considered at the time of debts division are both the spouses' incomes, level of education, being custodial or non custodial, future earning power, and on the basis the parties' enjoyed life before they were divorced.

Ismail Ahmed is a Legal Advisor and SEO based Content Writer of http://www.aboutdivorce.org

The Court Determines Child Custody

2011-04-11T15:15:00.000+08:00

A child custody proceeding is any case involving child protection, adoption, guardianship, termination of parental rights or voluntary placement of your child.

The support order will be based on the child's needs, obligor's ability to pay, custody arrangements and the child support guidelines. The Criminal Code makes it an offence to abduct a child to spite a custody order. A custody order establishes both the custody and parenting time arrangement for the children. Your child custody order is also confidential.

When an unmarried mother has a child, the mother has legal custody of that child until a court says otherwise.

During divorce, marriage, or annulment proceedings, the issue of child custody often becomes a matter for the court to determine. The Court must consider the following factors in every child custody decision under the law regarding the best interest of the child. The court retains the power to alter the custody arrangements until the child turns 18 or is emancipated.

You may contest custody, child support, and alimony and property division by appearing in court and filing appropriate legal papers. At the hearing, the court shall hear evidence to determine whether the child custody and support determination should be modified. The fact that one parent has been the child's primary caretaker is often considered but is not enough to guarantee a custody award. It is not that unusual for middle class parents to spend $60,000 on a divorce and child custody fight. Traditionally, divorce in the United States results in one parent being awarded primary custody and decision making for a child.

Rights

Each parent shares the rights and responsibility for the care, custody, companionship, and support of their children. Some states, such as Arizona, have fathers rights groups specifically dedicated to helping fathers obtain custody of their children (arizonafathersrights.com for example).

Definitions

Custody means that a parent has legal custodial rights and responsibilities toward the child.

Joint child custody means that both parents have the legal custodial rights and responsibilities toward a child. Joint custody allows both parents to have a say in the child's upbringing. There is no evidence to support that a presumption of joint custody is in the best interests of children. A study found that only when parents were still actively fighting did joint custody exacerbate children's feelings of being torn between parents. However, when both parents favor joint custody, it can be a good solution for the children. Some parents have chosen a joint-custody arrangement in which the child spends an approximately equal amount of time with both parents. Some states award joint custody in which the judge simply divides the child's time between the parents. Joint custody does not mean simply alternating where the child lives from time to time. In fact, there may be legal joint custody, but the child may live with only one parent.

Legal child custody includes the right to make decisions about the child's education, religion, health care, and other important concerns. A child may be placed in foster care while a custody case is pending. Legal custody means the right to determine the child's upbringing, including education, health care, and religious training.

Physical custody and residence means the routine daily care and control and where the child lives. Physical child custody is awarded to one parent with whom the child will live most of the time. In most cases, both parents continue to share legal child custody but one parent gains physical child custody. There is also a presumption that it is in the child's best interest to be in the custody of a parent over a non-parent.

Visitation rights allow the non-custodial parent (the person without child custody) time to spend with their child. A common arrangement is that one parent gets custody of the child and the other parent is given visitation rights.

Evaluation

A child custody evaluation is a report written by a neutral professional about you, the other parent, and your children. It is usually not necessary that formal psychological tests be administered to each parent in the context of a child-custody evaluation. The primary purpose and focus of the custody and/or visitation evaluation is to determine what is in the best interests of the child. Comprehensive child custody evaluations generally require an evaluation of all parents/guardians and children, as well as observations of interactions between them. The children are also evaluated in a custody/visitation evaluation.

Attorney

Because of the complexity of child custody matters and the importance of the outcome, it may be advisable to contact an attorney. The attorney should know several child custody evaluators or guardian ad litems that they have worked with successfully. If you proceed with a child custody action without an attorney, you are acting as your own attorney.

In a child custody dispute, there are rarely winners, frequently everyone is a loser, and the biggest losers are often the children. When women fear losing custody of children the stress can be overwhelming. However, in many cases, women are favored as holding custody of their children.

For more information about child custody, visit Child Custody

What You Need to Know About Child Custody

2011-04-11T03:42:00.000+08:00

In order to better understand child custody, this guide will educate you on the four cases of child custody which are enforced under law.

Child custody can be a divisive issue for both parents, especially if it's right after a,messy divorce. It gets complicated in cases where one parent makes much more than another. It also gets complicated if the divorce is forced through the courts, as neither parent can agree to a fair deal and especially who gets custody of the child. In all cases, an experienced divorce lawyer can help.

What is physical custody?

Physical custody goes to whichever parent has the right for the child to live with them the majority of the time. For example, a mother historically would get physical custody, while the father would be able to get visitation rights. In other cases, both parents have the right for the son or daughter to live with them for extended periods. In some states, this is called joint physical custody. This occurs mostly when the parents live close together, and has the added plus of allowing the child equal time to grow up with each parent.

What is legal custody?

Legal custody occurs when a parent can make key decisions on how a child grows up, especially in terms of schooling, religion, and medical care. For example, a father with legal custody could choose to send his daughter to Catholic schools, how to treat illnesses, and other key decisions. However, some states give these rights to both parents: they both have a say in deciding the child's upbringing. This is usually preferable for the child. If legal custody is fought, it can get not only ugly but also expensive. However, if you feel your former spouse will make bad decisions, such as being abusive to the child, you can take this to court and fight for sole legal custody.

What is sole custody?

This occurs when one parent is given either sole legal custody or sole physical custody. Remember that by legal custody it would mean making key decisions on how the child grows up, and in physical custody to have the majority of the time spent with the child. Sole custody can be very smart if you are divorcing an abusive or drug addicted spouse. For example, if your husband drinks too much around the child, you may fear for their safety; in this case, sole custody is smart.

It should be noted that state laws are changing nationwide. There is the new idea of giving fathers, who traditionally did not get sole custody, a better place in a child's life.

What is joint custody?

Joint custody is more common in recent years. It means that neither parent is left out of the loop; they are bound by joint legal custody, or joint physical custody, if not both physical and legal custody. This occurs most where the parents are able to agree to plans on the child's upbringing, how much time he spends with each spouse, and where the relationship is an amiable one.

Now you know about custody, but if there are some unanswered questions, contact an experienced divorce attorney today.

Jacob Malewitz recommends http://www.DivorceAttorneyHome.com/ for divorce and child support help. This guide answers questions on whether or not you need a divorce attorney.

Understanding the Basics of Child Custody and Divorce Law - Protect Your Parental Rights!

2011-04-10T17:06:00.001+08:00

When two adults get divorced and there are children involved, decisions as to which spouse will gain custody of the children are always a critical - and emotionally draining - issue.

Child custody and divorce laws vary from state to state, so for the sake of this article we will be focusing on Divorce Law in Georgia. If you do not live in Georgia, I recommend that you read this article to get a basic understanding of Child Custody & Divorce Law in general, and then check with an attorney in your home state to see how your state's particular laws may vary.

Under Georgia Divorce Law, GA does not favor either the mother or the father. Rather, GA divorce law strives to analyze the relationship each child has with each parent, and work towards the best interest of the children.

Georgia divorce and family law allows for a number of different types of child custody, including: temporary custody, sole custody, split custody, and joint custody.

Temporary custody under Georgia divorce law is exactly what the name implies. It involves which parent has custody of the children at that moment. Temporary custody can be overturned easily under GA law if it is discovered that the children are in an unsafe situation.

Sole custody under Georgia law is often referred to as 'legal custody.' This means that one parent has the authority to make long range plans that include (but are not limited to) moves, education, or life changing circumstances that affect the children. If a parent has sole custody under Georgia law, they do not need to have the permission of the other parent to make these decisions.

Split custody under Georgia law is where two or more children are involved, and the children live with different spouses. Oftentimes this decision is based upon the preference of the children as to whom they would prefer to live with.

Joint custody under Georgia law is where both parents have control over the upbringing of the children involved. In this type of custody decision, both parents must be able to communicate for the benefit of the children, and be able to come to agreements about how to raise the children. If the spouses are constantly fighting, the court can (and often will) deny a request of joint custody.

When issues of child custody come up in a Georgia divorce, many wonder or not they should hire a GA divorce attorney. While a Georgia attorney is not always needed, I do highly recommend that you have an attorney licensed to practice in Georgia and familiar with GA Child Custody and Divorce Law on your side. Importantly, if you are involved in a hostile divorce, or if the other spouse has a GA attorney representing them, I definitely recommend that you hire experienced Georgia divorce attorneys, such as the legal team at Persily & Associates who are Divorce Attorneys in Atlanta.

Of course, there are times when two spouses going through the divorce are able to come to a mutual agreement regarding child custody. If this is the case, then a stipulation and consent order should be filed with the court. The order must be very specific as to the custody of the children. The order should include which parent will have legal custody of the children after the divorce, as well as which parent will have the children during holidays. Also, all sorts of contingencies must be taken into consideration. If one parent is running late and can not meet scheduled visitations, do the visitations get rescheduled? No mater how trivial it may seem, every conceivable issue regarding the divorce and custody of the children need to be discussed and placed in the consent order to prevent misunderstandings in the future regarding child custody.

It is important to note that many parents will want to change or modify their child custody agreement after it has been made. If you desire to do this, then you must provide evidence as to why the agreement should be modified. The state of Georgia wants the child to live a stable life.

Remember, when you are thinking or discussing child custody, the most important factor will be the best interests of the children involved. Their feelings, thoughts, and most importantly their safety and stability are the primary concern of the courts under Georgia law. To protect your rights and the rights of your children, we highly recommend you have a knowledgeable GA divorce attorney by your side every step of the way.

Take a look at the website of Persily & Associates for additional information: http://www.persilylaw.com/divorce

How an Attorney Can Help with Divorce and Child Custody Issues

2010-11-17T03:07:00.000+08:00

Divorce is without a doubt a very painful process for all the parties involved and can even be more traumatic and frustrating for your kids who are suffering the discomfort of daily arguments at home. Once you have arrive at the conclusion that divorce is the healthiest and most appropriate way to solve your marital problems once and for all, the very next step is to find a good lawyer who can help you put your case together in order to bring it to court.

Hiring an attorney for such cases is very important because neither one of the parties involved will agree with an arrangement where the kids are separated from them, it just doesn't happen. The fight for the kids can be quite hard because both of you have spent an equal amount of time with the children and have equal rights, however the court will decide which parent is better suited to take care of the kids, this decision is based upon many factors.

It is public policy of the state that a minor should have frequent constant with both parents, however when it comes to child custody there are several laws which parents don't know about, knowing these laws is critical because based on their behavior and the many aspects deemed relevant by a court of law, the case brought about will be strengthen or weakened. Some of the factors that judges and divorce courts take in consideration to determine whether a parent is fit to be the custodian of a child are:

- The parent who is more likely to allow the non-custodial parent to visit the children on a regular basis without posing a major obstacle.

- Heavy consideration is given to evidence of child abuse, this is actually quite obvious because the court will place the child in custody of the parent which is better fit to raise the him/her without resorting to physical and emotional violence.

- The court will look at financial records of the parents in order to determine which one will be capable of providing shelter, food, education, health care and other material needs.

- Each parent will be analyzed in order to determine which one is "mentally fit" to raise the children.

The are several factors which the court may deem relevant to each case and since every divorce claim is different hiring an attorney capable of putting your case together and bringing to court will improve your chances to show you are the best person fit to take care of your children.

Finding the Right Advocate For Divorce, Child Custody, and Other Family Law Issues

2010-11-16T15:49:00.000+08:00

It goes without saying that family is the most important aspect of our lives. When all goes well, our spouses, our children, our parents, and our siblings fill the air with love, which we breathe deeply to replenish our spirits. Just as we breathe without conscious thought, our lives fall into a comfortable routine that makes us unaware of the integral role that a loving, supportive family plays in our lives. All too often, the dawning realization that our self-concept is firmly tied to our family comes only when the bubble bursts. When, for whatever cause, we're faced with divorce, child custody battles, and in the worst instances, domestic violence or child abuse.

When family matters move from unhappiness at home to a court of law, it's important to have an advocate at your side, a family law attorney who will do whatever it takes to help you create a future where you feel whole and safe. Selecting the right attorney can make what is inevitably a difficult and heart-wrenching time a bit more bearable. While your attention is understandably devoted to getting through each day and keeping your children's world intact, he can devote his attention to ensuring that you come out of the process with both feet on the ground.

What should you look for in a family law attorney? First, select someone who has a family of his own. An attorney who is married and who has children will understand the high stakes and is more likely to work tirelessly on your behalf.

Second, ensure that the lawyer is flexible. Like snowflakes, no two divorces or child custody issues are the same. Some uncontested divorces, for example, are quite amicable, with child support willingly paid and visitation quickly arranged. Other breakups are much more complicated, and may involve everything from a refusal to pay spousal support to the inability to agree on grandparent visitation to disagreements on property division.

You need to have an advocate who will see your circumstances as unique, and who will work with you to achieve your goals. He should be experienced in negotiation and mediation, but he should also be able to demonstrate that he can successfully represent you in a courtroom, should your case go to trial or even to appeals. Third, if your divorce is related in any way to criminal law, such as in the case of domestic violence or child abuse, the attorney you select should be knowledgeable about that as well.

Finally, you should select a family law attorney with whom you feel comfortable. It's extremely difficult to share searing emotional pain, and it's often hard to articulate your vision of the future. The right lawyer will make it easier for you to open up, and will help guide you through the process of defining your immediate needs - say, for alimony - and your future needs, such as the possibility that a future marriage may potentially lead to adoption issues.

When you choose the attorney that's right for you, he can help make an extraordinarily painful time in your life much easier to bear.

In Child Custody Cases, Do The Courts Still Favor The Mom?

2010-11-16T04:34:00.000+08:00

Child custody cases are filling up the courthouses these days because nearly 50% of all marriages end in a divorce. But does that mean that the courts just give custody to the moms still? Not as much as they used to, but it's still a lot harder for dad to get custody of the children than the moms. It used to be a women's court, but dads are quickly gaining ground, which is great for us. This article will give you 3 simple steps you can take to help you (as the dad) in child custody cases.

Keep Track Of Time Spent With Your Child

Every time you hang out with your child make note of it on the calendar. Every school function you go to, mark it down on the calendar. Every bedtime story, every prayer, every soccer game, put it all on the calendar.

The reason you want to log all this information is so you can show your lawyer and the courts exactly how much time you spend with your child and how important you are in his or her life.

Get Affidavits From Friends and Family

An affidavit is simply a written testimony about your character. When I went to court to win custody of my daughter, I had over 27 affidavits. You should have the same amount or more. Here's what you do. Simply ask all your friends, co-workers, relatives and church members to write a testimony about you and why they feel you would be the better care giver for your child.

After you get all the affidavits, go to a Notary Republic and have them sign and stamp each one of the affidavits. The key thing here is you need to do this without your ex-wife finding out. Otherwise she'll catch on and do the same thing. Either way, the more the merrier. Remember, what somebody else says about you is a hundred times more powerful than what you say about you.

Log Every Time She Says Anything Negative About You In Front Of Your Kids

This one sounds a little silly, but it's been proven to be quite effective. Listen, divorces are ugly. And they get uglier when your children are involved. But you need to at all costs, avoid name calling and ugly talk in front of your kids. Odds are, she'll slip up and say some pretty terrible things about you in front of your child. Make a mental note of it, then write it down later.

What this does for you is shows the judge that if she puts you down in front of the kids now, she'll do it later too. And behavior like this will basically put the child against you and make you out to be the bad guy. The last thing you want is for your ex-wife to speak ill of you in front of your kids. This will make you out to be a buffoon and your kids may no longer respect you. Or worse, your kids may end up hating one of you because of it, either way it's a lose/lose situation when that occurs.

Going Through Child Custody Dispute - Best Solution

2010-11-15T17:58:00.000+08:00

Divorce can sometimes be a very painful experience in life. For you to be suddenly separated from someone you loved and cherished and probably lived with for a long time sharing everything in common is really difficult. It is more so if Children are involve, this can increase the pitch of the dispute as each parent wants to have custody of the children. The good news is the divorce rate in the US is falling. According to statistics, the US national per capita divorce rate has declined steadily since its peak in 1981 and is now at its lowest level since 1970.

However some experts believe that it is not all good news, they predict that the divorce rate may likely escalate in the foreseeable future, why? Because the number of couples who live together without marrying has increased tenfold since 1960; and the marriage rate has dropped by nearly 30% in past 25 years. Invariably, what this means is that many people are still bound to go through divorce. Some believe that fear of future child disputes and possible divorce is a major cause in the increase of couples living together without marriage.

Whenever couples go through divorce, they are usually turned upside down by emotional and psychological turmoil. Unfortunately, most people going through a divorce do so on their own and struggle to make important life influencing decisions at a time when they are least prepared to do so.

Divorce is made even more challenging when children are involved. Issues of money, fear of losing your children, anger of alimony and revenge often interfere with parents' ability to appropriately consider their children needs and interests.

As a result of rise in the number of child custody dispute cases and the troubles that go along with them, there is an increasing need for parents to avail themselves of assistance from professionals who have some expertise in the areas of divorce, custody disputes, child development, family dynamics, the parental alienation syndrome and domestic violence. This is where the need of a divorce and trial consultant becomes handy- Note: A divorce consultant or a child custody strategist is not a substitute for an attorney, a divorce consultant can support, educate and give guidance.

Divorce, Child Custody and Fathers' Rights - How To Prepare for Court

2010-11-15T07:02:00.000+08:00

The process of going through the court system is arduous and at times seems overwhelming. Take heart in knowing that preparation is the key! You only need to know the basics of how the court operates to be able to work within it. There are matters of etiquette that can make a surprising difference in how your case is received. ?Taking time to do things according to protocol is a sign of respect to the court and Judge. For example, you must be prepared in writing prior to the hearing in such a manner that your paperwork is professional in every regard. It has to look and smell and feels just like what "they're" used to looking at. This will not only make a good personal impression, which is vitally important, but also allows 'them' to focus on your content instead of being distracted by unclear communication. If you consistently show care and effort in your preparations for your case, it will not go overlooked.

In general, having a familiarity with the court, an idea of what to expect and what is expected of you, can be an enormous boost of confidence. In addition to presenting yourself as respectful and serious in all your interactions with the court, to have success in your case you need to stir emotions. The more comfortable you are in the court setting, the more you know your stuff (meaning the more you prepare) the better you will be at presenting a convincing and moving argument that could be vital to the outcome of your case.

Thoughts on Father's Rights in Child Custody Battles

2010-11-14T19:51:00.000+08:00

Why do the courts seem to always favor the mother in a divorce when considering child custody? Is it that this is a throwback view from the days when the mother was a stay-at-home mother and therefore had nothing to do but watch and nurture the children? Will the court system ever join the twenty-first century in regards to child custody?

The rights of fathers has increased and changed for the better over time, but there is still a long way to go before there is real parity between mother's and father's rights. Women still tend to win in the custody battleground. Of course, the winners should be the children. Not everyone will be happy in these situations nor will they feel they have been treated fairly as to visitation, custody, or support payments.

Father's rights in custody fights were practically non-existent in the past. However, child psychologists and social workers finally began speaking up. They stated that children of divorce needed their father's guidance, influence, and presence to provide some semblance of stability in the children's lives other than just shoveling out money to provide for expenses.

Today, custody laws give fathers some say in their children's lives after the divorce. They may not have primary custodial rights (where the children live with the father), but the courts are conceding "joint custody" now. This means that the father has some input on major decisions that may effect the rearing of the children. It means that the mother shouldn't find the most expensive private school for the children without consulting the father, who is expected to pay for the expenses.

A father should have equal rights to be considered the primary custodial parent just as much as the mother. Of course, we don't hear about this much as judges tend to believe that all children are better off with the mother. However, it should come down to who will be the better parent rather than strictly gender, especially in this age of non-traditional living conditions.

As so often happens, if a father is not awarded primary custody, he will be given a more generous visitation schedule than has been granted in past years. The is due to the unceasing efforts of father's rights organizations and in part to studies that have proven that a lack of a father's relationship with his children has produced more juvenile problems, drug use and clinical depression.

Fort Worth Class Divorce Child Custody - Are You A Priority?

2010-11-14T09:45:00.000+08:00

What is a good legal performance for your Fort Worth Class Divorce child custody lawyer?

I don't want to sound like I am passing the buck, but you need to consult a legal expert on this subject to get the best answer. I sued an attorney in my lifetime and frankly finding an attorney with the courage to do it was difficult. I also found out that accountability for their performance is difficult to prove and it appeasers to be more gray than black and white. I believe there is great potential for attorneys to sue other attorneys a business.

There is plenty of room for good attorneys because in my opinion there are so few of them. I have seen attorneys blame judges or their clients for their losses. Attorneys cannot admit guilt or responsibility because they could be sued. I have had attorneys tell me they represent themselves first and their client comes second or third. So as you can see, you are not their priority.

There are options when hiring a new custody attorney. For example, at your first meeting, take another attorney with you. The attorney may be a family friend but isn't a family attorney. After all if they were, you would probably hire them.

Nevertheless, the Fort Worth class divorce child custody you take with you may help you understand the process of custody and how attorneys work. Also the attorney will be able to ask the right questions of the attorney that you may not know to ask. The reason is because this may be the first time you have ever had to hire an attorney for this kind of case.

Having another attorney present may make the family attorney uncomfortable--too bad. In child custody cases, the future of your child is at stake--so don't be passive. I have known attorneys when they meet their clients for the first time and they will tell them anything to get their business. In custody cases, you are in a highly emotional state and the attorney may tell you what you want to hear. By having another person with you first consultation, any attempt to slip you a con job or take advantage of you will be minimized.

Overview of Family Law Issues of Child Custody, Guardianship and Wills and Successions

2010-11-13T22:13:00.000+08:00

The world of family law is very different than just about any other type of legal practice. One of the major differences is that unlike dealing with many of the business related areas in which lawyers practice - family law can get personal. These family attorneys regularly deal with issues such as divorce, child custody and support, unforeseen deaths, wills and successions. These are areas of our lives which invoke strong emotions and are not always easy to deal with.

Child Custody

The issues of child custody and guardianship are a factor of the high divorce rate in America compounded by the number of children born out of wedlock. Family law matters surrounding children involve designating custody, child and spousal support, parental rights, adoption as well as community property negotiation. And when there are kids involved, hopefully all parties can focus on the best interests of the entire family rather than strictly their own self interests.

When it comes to child custody - courts will generally choose one of the following types:

? Temporary custody - this is granted during the divorce or separation proceedings and is usually replaced with a more permanent solution.

? Exclusive custody - This is when one parent gets all of the custody rights to the child and the other parent is excluded.

? Joint custody - refers to when parents are granted some version of equal rights regarding the child's upbringing. Joint custody is usually reserved for situations where both parents are competent and able to carry about parental duties.

? Third party custody - if both parents are either incapacitated or deemed unfit, the courts can award custody to a third party and may include family members such as uncles, aunts and grandparents.

Guardianship Issues

Another issue facing parents is what to do if you do not have a trustworthy person to leave as a legal guardian or trustee for your children or heirs. When this scenario arises, guardianships can be used as a last resort.

A guardianship refers to a situation where a child or incapacitated adult needs someone to manage their assets. These are usually supervised and assigned through the court system and require extensive legal work to setup and manage, including annual accounting and restrictions as to how money can be used and spent.

Wills & Successions

Wills & successions are often thought of as "estate planning" instruments, but really they should be considered part of family law. Taking the time to plan for unforeseen events is a critical part of ensuring your family is protected and your wishes can be followed, especially if the unimaginable happens. If you want to know how important having even a simple will can be, simply ask anyone who has unexpectedly lost a family member who didn't have one!.

Divorce Mediation For Child Custody

2010-11-13T11:10:00.000+08:00

Mediation is one way the courts are trying to cope with the ever increasing divorce rate and courtroom time. Mediation, hopefully, tries to encourage parental cooperation in the battle over custody and visitation rights. A mediator is court appointed and tries to find some middle ground between the divorcing parents and looking out for the best interests of the children.

The bulk of mediation takes place between the two parents with the mediator as a neutral party. It's his job to see that the children are represented in the decisions of visitation, primarily. Sometimes, schools, doctors, events, etc. can be settled at these sessions.

There are several good points for mediation that judges like other than they don't physically have to be present. One is that each party has the opportunity to give his or her suggestions for custody issues and visitation schedules. Both parents feel they have some input, thus relieving hostilities, hopefully.

Most states, however, have a formula that the courts start with, such as every other weekend, which holidays and out-of-school vacation times. Another advantage is having a "neutral" person to alleviate the tensions and forestall arguments that may escalate. By keeping the parents focused on the issues, a parental plan can be formed.

Of course, many people see the mediation process as less stressful than having a set time period before an actual judge in an actual courtroom setting. This makes most common people less prone to speaking out when they should, plus a judge really doesn't want to hear petty arguments of "he said or did" or "she said or did".

Mediators are there to offer suggestions and techniques to the parents that may not have been thought of before. They help work out compromises and alternatives between the parents. Mediators should be experienced in child custody issues and bring understanding to the process.

The needs of an older child are far different than that of a pre-teen child. An older child believes that he shouldn't have to see one parent at a given time because of a judge, whom he doesn't know, orders him to. Mediators explain this sort of behavior to each parent and, hopefully, avoid future suspicions and animosity.

Be sure to look into the possibility of mediation in your area. Ask questions as to who are some of the court mediators being used. Be clear that you want the best interests of your children served and that you will do whatever it takes to ensure their happiness as much as you can.

Do your homework and have a viable plan to present. You have the right to be a part of your children's lives, not just a "meal ticket". Mediation is one of the best methods to ensure that your children grow up to be well-adjusted and happy after your upcoming divorce.

Divorce, Child Custody, and Family Law - What Not to Do in Your Family Law Case

2010-11-13T00:26:00.000+08:00

At the end of a divorce or child custody case, there aren't any "winners" or "losers" in the traditional sense. But often one person walks away feeling as though they attained the better outcome. Many times this outcome is the product of some mistake that the other party made.

As a family law attorney, I've seen some hostile cases and I've seen people do some cruel things. Sometimes these actions are physically injurious but, more often than not, they are mentally damaging. In the end, however, they almost always come back to haunt that person. Consequently, if you are involved in a divorce case or a child custody case, don't do any of the following if you want to attain your desired result:

1) Denigrate or abuse your spouse.

Nothing makes someone look worse in a family law case than someone who is cruel to their spouse. No, it doesn't necessarily mean that you are "at fault" under the law, at least not with respect to grounds for divorce. But if there is one thing to take out of this article, it is that the law isn't the only factor in the outcome of your case. The State has an interest in protecting marriage as a promoter of family values, so if there is someone to blame for the breakdown of the marriage, this is a sure sign of who that person is.

2) Involve the children.

Who is most affected by your divorce case or your child custody case? That's right - your children. Not you and not your spouse. Keep them insulated from your litigation so as to minimize the effects of their life being turned upside down. Do NOT use them as a messenger. Do NOT share intimate details of the other parent's behavior. Do NOT let them read legal pleadings or letters from attorneys. DO not move your children far away from the other parent.

3) Be unreasonable in custody and visitation.

Unless your spouse actually causes harm to your children, you need to accept the fact that your children need both parents in their lives. There are things that a mother can provide, which a father can't provide. There are things that a father can provide, which a mother can't provide. Being unreasonable in custody and visitation or worse, denying visitation altogether, only makes you look like a bad parent.

4) Fail to provide support.

Support in this context means child support and alimony. Though mutually exclusive, the point is the same. Courts don't like it when you refuse to pay reasonable amounts of support. Child support will be awarded in nearly all cases. Courts don't like it when the non-custodial refuses to pay. Hint: they take it as a sign that you don't care about your children. Likewise, if your case is one in which alimony is warranted, don't refuse to provide for your spouse until the court orders you to do so.

5) Hide assets.

Some people get away with hiding assets. But a good divorce attorney will find them. When they do, they will let everyone know about it. Then you're in trouble not only because you now have more assets in the pot, but you also lied about what you have.

6) Let emotion guide your actions.

This is the "catch-all" provision. Put simply: don't be a jerk. While most family law cases are resolved outside the courtroom, there are many that end up in trial. Remember that the Judge who is ultimately deciding your case is a person too.

Surviving Divorce: What To Think About To Ensure Surviving Divorce

2010-11-12T12:32:00.000+08:00

Surviving divorce can be a valid fear if you're contemplating getting a divorce. In order to ensure surviving divorce, you should first understand that your divorce decision shouldn't be taken lightly. Ensuring that you'll be surviving divorce can be comforting and can influence your path as you consider your reasons for divorce and take the emotional plunge into actually going through with it.

Its tough enough to think about how your immediate life will be impacted by getting a divorce let alone thinking about divorce from an aspect of "the aftermath" of divorce. You may be considering a variety of things in the short term including living arrangements, spouse's schedules, attorneys, kids, property, etc. Its tough to plan so you can really ensure that you'll be surviving divorce once its finally over with.

Surviving divorce, just like deciding to divorce, is about separating emotion from logic and making sure you think about the past, present and future. Of course, how you plan for surviving divorce, will differ from others in some respects, but there are some common themes to think about that should ensure you will be successful surviving divorce.

The most common things to think about when you want to be successful surviving divorce are self-evident and basic, but highly important:

Surviving Divorce Concept 1: Reflect on the past to make sure you can eliminate potential regret.

Make sure that you take the time to reflect on the past and remember the reasons that got you to this state of mind. One thing you absolutely must avoid is going through a divorce and regretting your decision. Evaluate, in detail, your reasons for divorce and confirm to yourself yet again that divorce is the best course of action. This will help eliminate regret...and regret can be a large factor in determining your chance of surviving divorce.

Surviving Divorce Concept 2: Admit to yourself that, no matter how your situation got to this breaking point of wanting divorce, that you had a hand in it, and plan to improve yourself.

Even if you know your present spouse is not a good fit for you, be smart enough to know that you shouldn't waste the opportunity that you have right now to improve yourself, for your own good in the future. At a time like this when emotions are running high, there tends to be a lot of soul searching going on, and that's a good thing if you want to ensure that you've got a solid chance of surviving divorce. Realize that you need to improve for you, this will only help you in the future. Remember, it takes two to tango!

Surviving Divorce Concept 3: Remember that your happiness and plan for surviving divorce should include evaluating and establishing a certain level of self-confidence.
Having self confidence is absolutely critical to surviving divorce because without it, fear usually will win out and your situation will not improve. Even if you get divorced but you don't evaluate your own level of self confidence in the hopes of improving it, you may be in for a rough time after divorce. If you want a sure-fire way to feel good about surviving divorce, do yourself a favor and get your self-confidence in line.

If your overall confidence and desire to start over with your love life support making a change, you're off to a good start in making a smart decision about whether to divorce or not.

Surviving Divorce Concept 4: Get your finances in a row and understand that your life will change most likely from a monetary perspective.

This is a major portion of the surviving divorce equation, especially for women in divorce. A lot of time, women in divorce situations have to deal with finance issues and they fear going out on their own because they've had financial support previously. Still, this concept is not gender specific and can resonate with anyone because, one some level, your life will change financially as a result of divorce...that's a guarantee. In order to make sure your chance at surviving divorce is high, you need to be willing to trade potential financial loss to get a divorce. If you're willing to do this, maybe you're ready to really take the big step.

Surviving Divorce Concept 5: Understand the true value of using "projection" to ensure surviving divorce.

This is a terrific exercise to go through when you're faced with a divorce decision and want to ensure you've got a great chance of surviving divorce. "Projection" simply means looking to the future and actually imagining what your life will be like once you're divorced. And, if you're smart, you'll see multiple scenarios of what your life will become after divorce and you'll be able to pin down which factors lead to each one of those scenarios. Then, choose the scenario you'd like to actually live, and take the necessary steps needed to implement those factors. This one of the most important practices to ensure that you're chances of surviving divorce are high.

Surviving divorce is a difficult thing but it can easily be accomplished if you plan, reflect, think, and execute based on your own goals and needs.

Divorce and Its Effect on American Life

2010-11-12T02:27:00.000+08:00

Till death do us not!

Men are cheaters, women are naggers, and divorce has skyrocketed affecting the way the world is now run. "I love you" is substituted with "I hate you" and martial vows have become lies. Economically challenging, emotionally and mentally damaging, and over all tragic, Americans are suffering from relationships gone bad. Youthful marriages are more frequent and less valued. Drug addiction is always a growing concern and is also invading martial life. Marriages are also suffering from the destruction of adultery. One has to wonder weather America can survive the severity of divorce and its effects that are beginning to weigh on the lives of its people. The first topic of discussion concerns youth.

America's youth are beginning to become an important cause in today's divorce statistics. There is a disturbing new trend developing that involves marriage and today's American youth. The trend involves something called "starter marriages". A "starter marriage" is a first time marriage that lasts for five years or less. These marriages typically involve younger adults and produce no children. Some like to think of these "starter marriages" as rehearsals for "real" future marriages. It is America's modern approach to perfecting marriage. However, it is also a huge cause of divorce.

The sad thing about this new and growing view on marriage is that it feeds on low self-esteem, lack of self-respect, and self gratification. Younger women or men who are struggling with family issues, insecurities and emotional distress, may marry for security reasons. Since they may not necessarily be in love with one another, the marriage will most likely result in divorce, but so is drug addiction.

May one's poison be alcohol-related or any other substance abuse, it is a destructible dependence that can quickly rip a marriage apart. Many of those who suffer from drug abuse have a high potential for causing harm to ones self as well as others through violent interactions or accidents. Drug addiction has also resulted in one's loss of dignity, financial stability, motivation in life, and possible death. The affects on a marriage can be devastating. Someone in a partnership, whose perceptions, thoughts, and emotions are constantly altered by drugs, can be severally destructive to the other partner involved. Physical and emotional abuses are very common as well. Emotional distress can be weighing and harmful to a marriage and in some possible tragic cases, death may be the end result. Some people try to get help for their spouses who suffer from substance abuse. Rehabilitation and marriage counseling are often good effective ways to saving a marriage and avoiding divorce. However, if the user is not able or willing to quit their addiction, then their partner has no choice but to do what's best for them as well as their family. The next topic focuses on adultery.

One of the most harmful causes of divorce is the wandering eye of a spouse. Spouses involved with a cheating partner suffer emotionally, physically, and mentally. Divorce is usually the end result. A wandering eye may lead to an innocent conversation, which may lead to a provocative encounter. Traditional signs of infidelity consist but are not limited to; long hours unaccounted for, strange smells, coldness during sex, unexplained expenses, and changes in your spouse's appearance and attitude. When a cheater is caught or suspicions begin to develop, the emotional stress can be lead to erratic behavior. One might spy on the other. Privacy and trust fly out the window, while depression and anger sets in.

Guilt can also eat away at a person. It makes that person stand-offish as well as paranoid to his spouse, even though he is the one who cheated. A marriage can suffer severally from infidelity. Whatever problems a marriage might encounter, adultery is never a good resolution. Divorce is usually the outcome and the emotional damage can lead to future issues. All of these factors are important.

Divorce in America are caused in many various and sad ways. The modern idea of "starter marriages" created by America's youth is definitely an unorthodox cause. Drug Addiction is a serious and growing cause of many marriages turning to divorce. Adultery is harming the value and promise of what marriage truly is. If only more Americans tried not to rush into marriage. If they just took the time to experience what a true relationship consists of before taking the promised step, perhaps divorce rates would decrease and more marriages would succeed!

Divorce in America brings a lot of baggage with it. It affects all that is involved and the consequences can be damaging. The emotional welfare of divorces is unpredictable. Mental stability can be a consequence that can affect the productivity in ones life. Also, children involved in divorces can have a hard time coping with the separation of their parents. Divorce, is not necessarily always negative, but it does always have consequences. The first topic concerns emotions.

The emotional effects of divorce can be traumatic and filled with contradictory emotions. There are also specific feelings, attitudes, and dynamics dealt by both the initiator and receiver of the decision to breakup. For example, initiators are likely to experience fear, relief, distance, impatience, resentment, doubt and guilt. In a case of the receiver, it is not unusual for one to experience shock, betrayal, victimization, and low self-esteem, insecurity loss of control, anger, desire to "get even" and hopes to reconcile. All of these emotions are typically felt and are normal as long as irrational behavior is not influenced. Stages of dealing and coping usually follow divorce and can take up to a couple years to fully get over. As one deals with the stage of divorce, one will try to create ways to distance himself from his partner. Often, this distance develops into fault finding. One will begin to exaggerate every flaw and fault in their spouse's physical being as well as their character. This helps a little in the smoothing process of the separation.

Another common and negative emotion expressed is the desperate need for vengeance. This need is usually fueled by the feeling of being blameless. A lot of energy and planning can go into getting even and the results can be nasty. Both, fault finding and vengeance are not necessary and will hinder the healing process. Positive emotions such as acceptance, taking responsibility of their own actions, focusing on the future, and acting with integrity will be the ones that will influence moving on. Not only are emotions an important factor of consequences so is the mental effects.

Depression is a common mental consequence of divorce. It can weigh heavily on the mind and body. One may start to binge eat to cover the pain or stop eating all together. They may refuse to work, get out of bed, shower, or par-take in any normal activity. The sadness could be so overwhelming that emotional outburst makes the person irritable and unstable. Drastic thoughts of suicide might invade ones mind and life may seem meaningless. Such forms of depression can lead to drug abuse and even hospitalization. When one is dishonored by someone they truly cared about, the damage can be really tragic. The next topic focuses on children.

Children involved in divorces suffer from all types of consequences. Depression, bad grades, and trouble with the law are all common amongst children of divorce. The healing and coping process can be an easy or a hard process depending on the quality of the children's and parent's relationship. Younger children usually suffer from denial when first dealing with their parents divorce. They begin to fantasize that their parents are not truly divorcing or they have reconciliation fantasizes. This falseness of reality results in the children lying not only to themselves but to others.

Abandonment is a huge emotional consequence of divorce. Children begin to think they are divorceable and worry if either parent will even want them. They begin to feel loads of guilt and start blaming themselves that "daddy's leaving".

Somehow, it is something they did or it is their fault that their parents are separating. On top of all the miss-placed blame some children suffer from, they also, at times, are in the middle of nasty custody battles. Parents start to take confidence in their children, talking negatively about the other parent. Examples are things like "daddy is divorcing us", "Momma hates us" and so forth. This can cause a child to form protectiveness over one parent and divided loyalties towards each parent start to form. Anger and hostility can be expressed by children towards other siblings, peers, or parents. School performance can suffer and inward hostility is what is known as depression in children. Adolescences suffer are more likely to act out depression. Sleep and eating disorders, acting out, social avoidance, and physical injury are all consequences of depression caused by divorce. Children will also test a parent's loyalty. They will refuse to talk or spend time with a parent to see what kind of reaction this type of behavior will get. In other words, they will try to seek attention by acting out. Divorce can cause lots of unneeded stress and be harmful to the growth of the children involved. All of these factors are important.

Divorce and its consequences are very harmful to all the people involved in the situation. The emotional distress can cause a person's life upside down. The mental instability can be harmful to not only the mind but the body as well.

Consequences of divorce can be stressful, damaging and overall unnecessary for the children involved. It's a process, few enjoy going through. If only the stages of divorce were enforced in more positive ways, where the adults handled themselves in mature manners and were much more considerate of one another's feelings, perhaps the process of divorce would be less damaging on themselves as well as their children!

Economic effects of divorce are costly all the way around. The divorce itself can be costly. A family collapse with children could lead to increased social costs. Also, parent stereotyping is becoming an economic issue. Money is extremely important, especially when one has a family to provide for. The first topic concerns divorce costs.

Divorce costs vary depending on different factors pertaining to the divorce. Such factors can be the complexity of the case, various martial issues (care, custody, visitation, support, division of assets, debts etc.), location of the parties and/or their respective attorneys etc. Attorneys alone can cost a fortune. The more experienced the attorney the more he/she is most likely to charge. Also, bigger city attorneys tend to be much pricier. There are flat fee arrangements which many law offices may discount. These fees pay for the basic divorce actions. These fees can vary from a couple of hundred dollars and up. A low can be $500.00 to a high of $2,500.00. One should discuss with their lawyer about hourly rates and opportunities for flat fee arrangements. Hourly rates for lawyers can vary from $75.00 to $250.00 and higher. There is also a filing fee that is required (except those that meet or are under the poverty threshold) which is $215.00. If a summons is required that can cost another $25.00 to $75.00. Other costs can include publication costs, deposition costs, GAL (Guardian Ad Item) fees, investigator fees, subpoena fees. Simple divorces can be less pricey with the $215.00 filing fee and $25.00 to $75.00 sheriff costs. Not only are the divorce costs a financial blow but so is the social costs.

Research has discovered that divorce reduces the income of families with children by an average of 40 percent and almost 50 percent of these families live in poverty. It has been revealed by economic and social science data that nearly 75 percent of families in the bottom financial income group have only one parent, while 95 percent of the highest income group are headed by married couples. Also, amongst these research findings the study found three-quarters of all women applying for welfare do so because of divorce or a live-in relationship had ended. Married couples in their mid-50 make more than four-times the wealth of divorced individuals (an average of $132,000 versus $33,600).

Financially, two incomes are definitely better than one. However, in results of a divorce, separation leads to independence and single parents are forced to replace the missing income. Many single parents are forced to get jobs, get second jobs or take on more hours at the office. The results are overworked, stressed out parents who are increasingly unable to "be there" for their children. Kids in these situations are forced to grow up under their own supervision or guidance depending on their age group. The next topic focuses on parent stereotyping.

Single parent women have been told emphatically that they have little or no value in American society. Society has tried to convince women that they constitute a moral, social, and economic problem to America. The deliberate intent of this blasphemy is to keep women in what is known as the "morally correct" family system where the women attend to the children and the men work. However, in the cases of divorce one, some women no longer have the help of a man and the must take her own income. These groups are women are not silent but are silenced in some areas of the world, and denied job opportunities. Obstacles placed in the way of women who are trying to raise a family on their own are little or no government support, little or no societal support, overwork and underpay jobs with little or no advancement opportunities, and benefits or affordable health care. Though the changes in the U.S. economy over the past two years have opened its doors to single parent mothers, women are still fighting in some job areas for quality. All of these factors are important.

Divorce and its economic effects are another issue that complicates life for all involved. Specifically women as numerous researches have found. Divorce alone is extremely costly. Social costs are a big financial issue. Also, stereotyping towards single mothers is problematic. Money becomes a major stress for divorcees. If only society would be more open-minded towards the new morals of today's generation and divorce costs could be decreased a little while government assistance increased a little, perhaps the poverty level wouldn't be so high!

The effects of divorce on American life have numerous impacts. Many of them have negative results. The causes of divorce involving today's youth, drug addictions, and adultery, needs to be seriously addressed. Consequences of divorce such as emotional distress, mental instability, and children effects are getting some attention but could use a lot more assistance and help from society. Financial and Economic problems are a widely overlooked effect which the government should definitely take the time to reconstruct. If America would stop trying to take over the world and take some time to better the welfare of its own people, then American people could deal strongly and efficiently with the many obstacles thrown at them everyday, such as divorce!

Divorce Financial Help - Finding Money During the Divorce

2010-11-11T15:02:00.000+08:00

If you are going through a divorce it is already probably obvious that financial problems seem to pop up and/or grow. Prior expenses like child care, transportation, food, utilities, rent or mortgage expenses often increase, sometimes significantly. Here are some common financial techniques as well as a brand new option to assist you in finding money and reducing expenses while waiting for your divorce to settle.

In almost all divorces where formerly there was the cost of the rent/mortgage and maintenance of only one residence, most commonly split between two incomes, you will usually end up with two residences, two rents/mortgages, and two sets of utility bills. If not planned for, this additional expense can become overwhelming.

When children are involved in a divorce, costs during and after a divorce almost always go up. Where once there were two parents able to take turns watching the children, rides to school, softball practice, and friends, there is now only one parent at a time designated to help. Forget about splitting homework duty, caring for children when they get sick, etc. People going through a divorce seldom consider the additional expense of the child care and transportation costs associated with the above as well as running the kids back and forth to the other parents home.

If the above seems familiar, then you are already asking yourself “Where do I find the extra money to pay for my increased expenses until the divorce settles?” or “How do I get financially stable during the divorce proceedings?” Here are a few ideas plus a totally new option to help guide you financially until the divorce settles.

1. This one is simple…reduce, reduce, reduce. Reduce your overhead expenses by reducing or eliminating expenses that are not needed. There is a difference between wants and needs. Do you really need cable, Tivo, to eat out, that extra latte, etc. Cut out any and all unnecessary expenses where possible.

2. Count your human assets: Parents, siblings, friends, fellow workers, church/temple members, etc. It is alright to open up and share that you are going through a divorce as approximately 50% of marriages currently end in divorce. Share your problems with people you trust and ask them for their assistance. You will be surprised how many people come forth to offer free or reduced day care for your kids, to run errands to take them to their softball game, music practice, etc. if they are taking their kids anyway, and more and more churches, temples, and community centers now offer support groups for divorcees and those going through divorce. It is important to always be gracious, thankful, and remember not to unload too much of your personal problems regarding the divorce on people who come to your help or they may become resentful and your saviors may soon find reasons why they can no longer assist you. You may also find friends, family, and contacts that can assist with handy work and maintenance if you are not qualified to do the work yourself and your budget does not allow you to hire someone.

3. Reduce or eliminate the legal costs of preparing and filing your divorce. Hopefully your divorce will be uncontested. If yes, they are fairly simple to do on your own for little money. You can even complete most of your divorce online at sites like www.DiscountDivorceOnline.com. Online divorces are nothing new and can save you thousands of dollars with the average divorce in the United States utilizing a lawyer costing $5,000 or more and an online divorce usually between $200 - $300. However, if your divorce is being contested or is very complex an online divorce may not be right for you and you may have to hire a good divorce attorney. Look for a referral to a good divorce attorney or seek divorce attorneys that offer a free initial consultation so you can get a feel to see if he/she is a good fit to represent your best interests during the divorce. The repercussions from a divorce can last years, decades, or even the rest of your life so make sure if you need a good divorce attorney you take the time to find one.

4. Access the equity you already have. A recurring problem during divorces is accessing equity and cash in property and formerly shared banking accounts, stocks, bonds, and other assets. Often, pending the divorce, access to the shared assets are frozen or inaccessible. Sometimes one of the spouses had complete control over checking and savings accounts and now refuses to relinquish the control until forced by the divorce decree. This can tie up funds you would formerly have had access to for many months and sometimes even years depending on the number of assets, types of assets like businesses and homes, contracts, and the difficulty you and your spouse have in agreeing to the divorce. Fortunately there is a new option available to many people going through a divorce. This new option is called a divorce loan or more accurately a divorce advance.

What is a divorce loan or divorce advance? A divorce loan, or divorce advance as they are referred to in the industry, is an advance against your portion of the family assets. So, for example, if you are to split a home, stocks, cars, and other assets worth a net of $50,000 between you and your spouse, your share would be $25,000. Though the assets may be tied up in the divorce proceedings, if you meet the necessary qualifications you might decide to take an advance of $2,500 to help pay for car repairs, a renters deposit, attorney’s fees, medical bills, school, or any number of other necessities. The average divorce advance ranges between $5,000 and $10,000 but can be much, much larger. More in-depth information on divorce loans and divorce advances is available at [http://www.EZDivorceLoan.com]

Other options to reduce expenses and increase cash of course exist during divorce proceedings. While things can become hectic and confusing during your divorce, it is important that you stop, evaluate your finances, quickly measure your options, and then take action as soon as possible before all of your best options are no longer available.

Free Online Divorce Forms And Instructions - Where To Get Them

2010-11-11T03:24:00.000+08:00

Many courts today are making it easier for couples to get a divorce without the expense of hiring an attorney to help them along the way. The Internet contains hundreds of web sites that claim to offer these forms to people for free.

A word of caution to those who attempt to go through with the divorce process on their own.

It is VERY important that you are certain you are using forms that are correctly formated and have been approved for use by your states judicial branch. If you attempt to try and use generic divorce forms that you have downloaded from the Internet, you may be disappointed to find out that those forms will be rejected by the court. If that happens, you could put the outcome of your divorce in jeopardy. To obtain divorce forms and information specific to your state you may elect to visit the web site referenced below.

Answers To Common Divorce Questions:

What is an "Uncontested" or "Pro-Se" divorce?

An uncontested divorce is one in which the parties negotiate their own settlement rather than going to trial and letting a judge decide the issues for them. Many people find that an uncontested divorce will benefit them for several reasons. The process seems to be faster and less expensive. The parties maintain control over their future by reaching their own decisions. The Court does not impose a judgment on them after a trial. The parties are also better able to maintain (or establish) a civil relationship if they are not involved in protracted litigation with all of the positioning and leverage that a trial may invoke. The reduced hostility makes it easier for divorced parents to raise children together.

Do I need a lawyer?

You do not need to have a lawyer, but it is a good idea to retain one if you and your spouse do not agree on the terms defined in your Petition For Divorce or if your spouse has a lawyer. If you are afraid for your safety or your children's safety, or if you want help with your divorce even if you started the divorce without a lawyer.

What does uncontested mean?

Uncontested means your spouse has agreed with what you have asked for in your Petition For Divorce, or your spouse is not fighting your Petition For Divorce, or your spouse does not answer your Petition For Divorce before your court date.

How much will it cost to file for a divorce?

When you bring your Original Petition For Divorce to the court clerks office for filing, you should expect to pay between $250.00 to $300.00 depending on your state and your county. You will also need to have several forms notarized. A notary will charge between $5.00 and $10.00 to notarize a document. When children are involved, other additional court expenses may arise if the court orders DNA tests or drug screens. These tests typically cost $125.00 for drug screens and $500.00 for DNA tests. If the presiding judge over your case orders you or your spouse to submit to these tests, in most cases they will require you to take them the same day you appear for your initial hearing. Also, most often when children are involved in the divorce, the court will appoint an attorney for the children. This is done to have a neutral opinion on the children's best interests. The typical fee for the Ad Litem attorney is around $500.00. You are expected to pay this fee and any other court ordered expenses promptly to avoid the possibility of putting your case in jeopardy. The judge may not allow you to wait until you get paid. Some judges may want to test to see if you have a support group with enough resources to act on behalf of the children in an emergency type situation. This will be the case even if you are able to get the judge to agree to an "inability to pay affidavit." This affidavit is only for paying the court cost for filing your petition and not the judges special orders. You will be required to pay for court ordered drug tests, DNA tests, parenting classes, Ad Litem legal fees, etc.

Can I get legal advice from employees of the court?

No. Only lawyers can give you legal advice. No one at court can tell you what to do about your case. This means you cannot ask the judge, court clerks or other court staff for advice about your case.

If you do not use a lawyer, make sure that you learn about your rights. Getting a divorce can be very complicated. Even if you cannot afford to hire a lawyer, you should try to speak with a lawyer in your area about what to put in your Petition For Divorce. Some lawyers will give you advice as you need it. This is called "unbundled services". Other lawyers are only available if you retain their services.

What does "grounds for divorce" mean?

Grounds for divorce is the term used to describe the reason(s) you are seeking a divorce. You can ask the court to grant you a divorce based on adultery, cruelty, abandonment, your spouse has been convicted of a felony offense and has been incarcerated. You have been living apart, or your spouse has been committed to a mental institution with little or no hope of recovery. These reasons are not all inclusive. If you are uncertain as to what grounds for divorce you wish to claim then you will want to consult with a licensed attorney or your local legal aid office.

What if I do not know where my spouse is living or how to contact them?

You do not need to know where your spouse is in order to get divorced. However you will need to complete a few special forms which will prove to the court that you have done everything within reason to try and locate your spouse.

What can I do if my spouse is hurting or threatening me or my children?

Every state has laws designed to protect victims of family violence whether they are getting a divorce or not. If you have already filed for a divorce, the court may grant you emergency orders to protect you and the children involved in your divorce. If you have not started the divorce process, you can apply for a protective order if you fear that you or your children are in danger. Your local woman's shelter, county attorney's office, district attorney's office or your local legal aid office can assist you in applying for a protective order. To locate the office nearest you and to obtain information on the various services they can offer please contact the National Hotline For Domestic Violence at 1-800-799-SAFE.

Below is a list of some of the forms you will need to complete a do it yourself divorce:

Complete Step By Step Instructions Set

Original Petition For Divorce

Original Answer Form

Waiver Of Citation

Affidavit For Inability To Pay

Affidavit For Citation By Posting

Certificate Of Last Known Address

Certificate Of Service

Final Divorce Decree

Testimony For Divorce - What To Say In Court

Supporting Affidavit For Citation By Posting

Citation Legal Notice

Affidavit For Default Judgment

Statement Of Evidence

Citation Of Substitute Services

Child Support Order

Parent Rights And Duties

Child Visitation Order

Support Order For Employer Withholdings

Out Of State Spouse Affidavit

Application And Instructions For Protective Order

Marriage Settlement Agreement

Divorce Order , Child Visitation Order, Custody And Support Order Modification Kit

Divorce On A Budget: Self Help Divorce, Attorney Consultations & Minimizing Costs

2010-11-10T15:52:00.000+08:00

If you are like many, you may find the possibility of divorce to be overwhelming and unaffordable. In addition to being a stressful and emotional time in your life, a divorce can also be financially draining. There are a number of ways, however, that a self help divorce can be achieved through a combination of quality divorce advice from a licensed divorce attorney and cooperation from both your and your spouse.

As most divorce lawyers will tell you, the least expensive way to achieve a divorce is through an amicable settlement involving both parties. If you and your spouse can agree on child custody (if applicable), alimony, the division of assets and other important information relating to the divorce, you may be able to achieve satisfaction through divorce mediation. Because a neutral third-party individual presides over the matter, both you and your spouse will need to seek the help of a divorce attorney if preferred. Although not required, a divorce lawyer can offer important information throughout the mediation process, including your rights under the current divorce laws and advice on divorce that you may not otherwise consider. A divorce mediation is quicker and more affordable than a lengthy litigation process through divorce court. There are several instances in which divorce mediation may not be an option, including a marriage that has a history of abuse or when one spouse is fearful of the other.

If you prefer to file divorce papers independently after having researched your own self help divorce information, it may still be to your benefit to consult with a professional divorce lawyer. In many cases, divorce attorneys offer a free initial consultation. It is important to inquire about this policy prior to scheduling a meeting, however, as every divorce lawyer has his/her own guidelines when it comes to client meetings and/or telephone calls. If you are able to schedule a free or low-cost consultation, it may be well worth your time to speak with a professional who can offer valuable divorce advice on your case. Because divorce lawyers are experienced and knowledgeable about local divorce laws, you may find that the information gained is priceless. Even if you choose to proceed with filing the divorce papers yourself, having spoken with a divorce attorney may prove to be helpful in the future. This is especially true if a problem should arise within the case and you can then retain the services of that same attorney who is already familiar with your situation.

In most areas, legal aid is also available to help those who are financially strapped and still need help with legal issues. Because the litigation process through divorce court is both complex and lengthy, the legal fees can quickly add up. In some instances, a trial may be the only option. For those who can work together, settle their matters in a civilized and fair fashion and wish to minimize their expenses, consulting with a divorce lawyer about various options may be a good idea. Unless you have a very good understanding of local divorce laws and the legal process in general, filing your own divorce papers may be difficult. If nothing else, a divorce attorney can help you to get the appropriate papers completed and filed while offering professional divorce advice to help make this stressful time a little less painful for all involved.

The information contained in this article is designed to be used for reference purposes only. It should not be used as, in place of or in conjunction with professional legal advice regarding divorce, child custody, alimony, self help divorce and/or divorce laws. If you are in need of divorce advice or are considering a marriage separation, consult with a professional divorce lawyer in your area for further information and/or divorce advice.

Stop Divorce: "Should You Try To Stop Your Divorce If You're Just Thinking About Getting A Divorce?"

2010-11-10T05:51:00.000+08:00

Thinking about getting a divorce doesn't necessarily mean that you should try to stop your divorce. Conversely, it could be wise to try to s top your divorce, only you know whether you should. Just because you're thinking about getting a divorce, doesn't necessarily mean that you should try to stop your divorce, although its logical to automatically assume so.

In order to be clear that you really want to stop your divorce if you're thinking about getting a divorce, you should use any or all of the following steps to make that determination:

Should You Stop Your Divorce?, step 1: Examine why you're thinking about getting a divorce and clearly define and outline those reasons.

This is a vital part of determining whether you really do want to stop your divorce. It is easy to naturally think you should get a divorce if feel empty, confused, alone, frustrated, etc. But do yourself a favor, figure out what actually has you feeling like you do and write it down. Only then will you be able to decide whether you should make a serious effort trying to stop your divorce.

Should You Stop Your Divorce?, step 2: Determine if guilt is seemingly forcing you to think about wanting to stop your divorce of if there's something inside you that really wants to stop the divorce.

Guilt can play a factor when you're thinking about getting a divorce, don't let it be the determining factor for wanting to stop your divorce. If guilt is the major reason that you want to stop your divorce, sit down and re-think everything. Ask yourself if you'll feel sorry for your spouse because you know how he or she will react to your decision to get a divorce. You will know if guilt is swaying you one way or another.

Should You Stop Your Divorce?, step 3: Use projection to foresee how how your spouse will react if you try to stop your divorce.

You know whether your spouse will be please or disgruntled if you try to stop your divorce. You have an idea of how he or she will react if you try to patch things up and avoid a divorce. If your spouse will react positively if you try to stop your divorce, you should be happy. You may have a chance to make it work. But, if your spouse will react harshly to efforts to stop your divorce, you should ask yourself why. Figure out what your spouses motivations would be for reacting negatively and determine whether or not its still worth trying to stop your divorce or if you should just develop a plan to part amicably.

Should You Stop Your Divorce?, step 4: Think about what your life would be like if you tried to stop your divorce and compare that scenario with what your currently going through.

Figure out what you want out of the situation and decide what you want your future to look like. If you feel that your life will worsen by trying to stop your divorce, maybe you should re-think what your planning. If you feel that you'd like to at least try to stop your divorce, even if its for selfish reasons, then take comfort in the fact that you've at least made the decision to act. Also, ask yourself whether or not the life you want is with your spouse, even if everything turned out exactly the way you planned for it and you were able to stop your divorce.

Ask yourself, "Even if I implement this plan and manage to stop my divorce, is this really the person I want to spend my life with?" The answer to this question will help you determine your course of action.

Should You Stop Your Divorce?, step 5: Implement your plan of action to either stop your divorce or plan to get a divorce.

Nothing will change if you don't act. Now that you've decided to work it out or get a divorce, set a plan in motion with your true end goal in mind. If you want to get a divorce, do what you need to in order to get what you need out of the situation...be amicable. You do not want to look back later on and feel like you didn't act in a mature fashion.

If you truly want to stop your divorce, use the right resources to determine the best course of action to do that. Divorce is serious, you should make certain for your sake and for your spouse's sake that you did all you could to stop your divorce...and be happy about it!

God's Views On Divorce And Remarriage - Part 1 Of 2 Parts

2010-11-09T18:18:00.000+08:00

"Marry in haste; repent in leisure," is a saying laced with alarming possibilities. Even more terrifying is the possibility of too hastily presuming that our views on divorce and remarriage are of God.

I passionately long to comfort you and yet I dare not downplay the fearful gravity of this matter. Jesus (and the apostle Paul - (Romans 7:3) kept equating wrong divorce with the sin of adultery. Let's not allow worldly immorality to desensitize us to what a grave offense this is. Under the Old Testament - still in force when Jesus uttered the words - adultery incurred the death penalty. No wonder Jesus' teaching on divorce sent such a chill down the disciples' spines that in horror they responded that it is better never to marry (Matthew 19:10)! And let's not suppose we can get away with this under the New Covenant:

1 Corinthians 6:9-10 Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral . . . nor adulterers . . . will inherit the kingdom of God.

That does not render the sin unforgivable, but just as a fireman cannot save a person who refuses to leave a burning building, so Jesus cannot save people who refuse to leave their sin. We cannot save ourselves but we must be willing to let Jesus drag us from the sin we love, or we will die in our sin.

I agonize over the possibility that most Christians who sincerely believe they know the morality of divorce and remarriage are completely unaware that their understanding of the Bible's teaching on this subject is dangerously shallow. Although we tend to drastically oversimplify the biblical and moral dilemmas of divorce and remarriage, it does not necessarily mean we have reached the wrong conclusion. It drastically increases the chance of such a mistake, however; thus exposing us to the grave danger of sinning against God or of being responsible before God for directly or indirectly influencing others to sin.

"You who say that people should not commit adultery, do you commit adultery?" writes Paul (Romans 2:22), implying that one can commit the sin and be quite unaware of it.

Your church and favorite Bible teachers might be excellent and have far deeper understanding than me, but does that make them infallible? I doubt if anyone on the planet has a one hundred percent correct interpretation of every aspect of the entire Bible. How then can you be certain that that fraction of a percent where your church or Bible teacher is incorrect does not include teaching about divorce?

So why should I be any less fallible? I'm not. So I will not presume to tell you the correct view. What I hope to do, however, is provide a checklist of things that should be prayerfully considered before concluding you have God's mind on the critical issue of divorce and/or remarriage. You will discover that some points seem pro-divorce and some seem anti-divorce. That's because I'm not pushing my own views, but seeking to assist you to personally discover God's will for your situation.

Pondering seemingly conflicting points will initially seem confusing but it's a vital stage in the journey to truth. In addition to the obvious, it eradicates false confidence and drives us to plunge into the heart of God, where both you and I will find all we need.

After the checklist we will look at how to find answers.

If you tire of the checklist

go straight to the next section

(the link at the end of this webpage)

Since Christians have vastly different views on this matter, let's start by considering whether one's sincere beliefs about the morality of divorce will influence God's judgment of us if we go ahead and do it. Suppose two Christians in identical circumstances each remarry. One sincerely believes that he has God's blessing on the new marriage. The other believes that by remarrying he is committing a gross sin. Will God judge them differently? In most countries, ignorance of the law is no excuse. Is this how God judges?

In two long passages of Scripture, Paul explains that some things become sin merely because a person believes them to be sin (Romans 14:1-23; 1 Corinthians 8:1-13). It is most important to realize, however, that Paul was referring to acts that are not of themselves sinful. He is not saying that if someone believes "sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery" are moral, then they suddenly become acceptable. On the contrary, these belong to the list of which Paul declares, "I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God" (Galatians 19-21). Elsewhere he says the same about adultery (1 Corinthians 6:9-10).

To understand what Paul was saying, consider this: if you knew that someone believed he was deliberately poisoning your child, you would be extremely upset by his action, even if it turned out that he was mistaken and the substance was harmless. His belief about his action is enough to highly offend you. On the other hand, if someone carelessly poisoned your child, believing the substance to be harmless, you would also be upset. A person's belief can turn something harmless into sin, but it cannot turn sin into something harmless.

If Jane believes something that is innocent is adultery, then if she chooses to do it, she is guilty of adultery in the eyes of the One who sees her heart. If, however, she does something that in God's eyes is adultery, then she is committing adultery even she sincerely believes that what she is doing is innocent. If Jane's ignorance was genuine, God will be lenient, but she will still be held accountable.

Luke 12:47-48 That servant who knows his master's will and does not get ready or does not do what his master wants will be beaten with many blows. But the one who does not know and does things deserving punishment will be beaten with few blows.

There is greater leniency for one, but both are punished.

Ignorance is not bliss.

Proverbs 16:25 There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.

If your "belief" that something sinful is acceptable is merely because you have schemed to silence your conscience or to fool God by trying to convince yourself that it has God's approval, then such "belief" will not even buy you leniency.

If you have a shadow of doubt over the legitimacy of something, you must avoid it.

Romans 14:23 But the man who has doubts is condemned if he eats, because his eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin.

This Scripture is talking about eating because it applies to minor things, not major matters like adultery. Feeling certain that whatever you do has God's approval is an essential starting point. To avoid what God regards as adultery, however, in addition to believing that it is right, it must be right.

remarriage? A divorced woman told me:

I have friends who say I should consider remarriage, but I don't dare, because I do not want to rationalize that remarriage is permissible if it's not - and for centuries the understanding of the church was that it was not permissible.

Is it mere coincidence that over the last decades, as the world has grown increasingly accepting of divorce, so has much of the church?

To discover how addicted to change this world has made us, look back to an era when most people were farmers working the same plot of land as their father's father, or craftsmen engaged in the same work in the same place, not just all their lives, but for generations. Look at an era where one's mode of transport or plow puller was not a heartless machine to be traded in next year for the new improved model, but an animal that inspired affection and loyalty and whose death was mourned. Our era stands out from the past as one that exalts self pleasure over duty, personal "advancement" over loyalty, and change over stability. (Note how even the words duty, loyalty, and stability seem old-fashioned.) Wherever we look in modern society we find stressors and mindsets driving us to trade in our partner for a new improved model promising higher status or excitement.

Of course, just because certain Christians lived in another era does not make them right. The issue to beg God to search your heart over, however, is this: Are you, and the Christians who influence you, being led by the Spirit of God or unknowingly led by the spirit of the world?

Divine forgiveness is perhaps life's most wondrously liberating experience. We must understand, however, that total forgiveness of our past mistakes does not make us free to keep sinning or to keep enjoying the benefits of past sin. For example, if you stole a million dollars, forgiveness does not make it acceptable for you to continue to live off your ill-gotten gains. Scripture is clear that you must return all the money you stole.

Forgiveness does not mean God ceases to be holy and lowers his standards of honesty and faithfulness. If I broke my marriage vows, forgiveness would remove my past guilt, but not my continued moral obligations to the woman I promised myself to.

Suppose marrying a particular person was an act of rebellion against God. You might now despise that person but if in God's sight you are still married to him/her, forgiveness does not mean you are free to commit adultery. A man who is unfaithful to his wife can find forgiveness, but not a divine license to keep committing adultery. To confuse forgiveness with a license to sin is a grave offense against God.

So regardless of how deeply forgiven you are, before marrying anyone else you would need to be certain that you are not, in God's view of marital commitment, still being married to your former partner, because that would make re-marriage adultery in his eyes, no matter what divorce documents you can produce and how much your past offenses are forgiven.

Jesus gives an exception to the general rule. "Except for fornication" is how the King James Version puts it. That's rather mysterious. Why didn't he say, "except for adultery"? Exactly what Jesus meant is not immediately obvious. Some think Jesus was referring to any form of sexual infidelity, perhaps even including deliberate and continual adulterous thoughts or an addiction to porn or to masturbation. Some go to the other extreme and think that because Jesus did not say "except for adultery," he was referring solely to premarital infidelity discovered after marriage, such as discovering on the wedding night that the bride is not a virgin.

Jesus does not say that the person initiating the divorce commits adultery. What he says is much more puzzling. He says the man divorcing a woman causes her - "the innocent party" - to commit adultery.

Matthew 5:32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife . . . causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.

I will not give my opinion of the following interpretation, but before proceeding with divorce one needs to be certain that it is incorrect. (For ease of reading I refer to "Mary" and Joe" but the genders could just as easily have been reversed.)

Mary is a good, faithful wife who longs to remain married to Joe, but he divorces her. As far as the divorce is concerned, Mary is utterly innocent. If Joe remains celibate for life, he has not committed adultery. Nevertheless, Joe's decision to end the marriage exposes Mary to the strong temptation to eventually re-marry. Of course Mary is responsible for her response to the temptation, but by initiating the divorce, Joe is as guilty as the devil in causing Mary to suffer the strong temptation to "commit adultery," that is, to re-marry. To be the cause of temptation is a grave offense:

Luke 17:2 It would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around his neck than for him to cause one of these little ones to sin.

But why would Jesus imply the innocent party commits adultery if she remarries? Because, according to this interpretation, in God's sight a marital union can be dissolved only by death, regardless of how innocent one party is or how guilty the other one is.

Whoever Mary marries is likely to be doubly innocent regarding the divorce and yet this person is committing adultery, because despite a divorce certificate and subsequent marriage, in God's sight Mary is still bound to her former partner, even though he no longer wants her.

Jesus gives an exception to the above - one that applies if Mary were not innocent. Suppose Mary were committing adultery before Joe even considered divorce. Since she is so hell-bent on committing adultery that not even marriage keeps her faithful, it could not be said that by divorcing her, Joe was causing her to commit adultery. She would commit adultery even if he didn't divorce her. Nevertheless, Joe would himself be committing adultery if he remarried, because marriage is binding for life no matter what either party do.

Mark 10:11 Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her.

I repeat that I make no claim about the correctness of this interpretation, but to honor God, one should be certain it is wrong before proceeding with divorce or re-marriage.

Could there be situations where God actually requires divorce - or at least separation? We see an Old Testament instance of this in Ezra chapter ten, where those guilty of marrying pagan wives were compelled to divorce. This must be read in the light of 1 Corinthians 7:12-16, which seems to take a very different approach. Nevertheless, here is a case where divorce was not merely permitted but was mandatory.

Now let's move to the New Testament. It speaks of the importance of separating from those who claim to be believers but are engaged in blatant, repeated, unrepentant sin. We read, for instance:

1 Corinthians 5:11 . . . you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat.

Suppose, you are married to someone who considers the ideal is to "enjoy" both sexual unfaithfulness and the benefits of being married to you. If you knowingly allow your spouse to pursue this, does that make you a partner in his/her sin? Of course you cannot prevent your partner from being unfaithful, but if you are aware of what is happening, it is your decision as to whether your partner can enjoy marital privileges with you while pursuing extramarital sin. In theory, you could give the ultimatum: "Either be completely faithful or the marriage is over." What if giving this ultimatum is the one thing that would keep your partner from sin? If you give and maintain the ultimatum and your partner disregards it, no one could say you have made it easy for him/her to sin.

Imagine for a moment if in God's eyes marriage is dissoluble only by death. Would that mean that if Jan is married to a divorced man, every day that she remains married to him she is continuing to commit adultery? Does this mean that in order to stop sinning she must separate from him? Does it mean that if for these reasons she divorces him, she is free to remarry, since her first marriage was not a marriage in God's sight but an adulterous affair?

One might suppose that remarrying someone you had previously divorced would be a godly way of correcting a past mistake. However, our Lord revealed in the Old Testament that, at least in some instances, this could be highly offensive to God. It says that if a man divorced his wife and she married someone else who then dies or divorces her, it is a gross sin for the first husband to remarry his former wife (Deuteronomy 24:1-4). This should be treated with extreme seriousness, given the fact that it is found in the same Testament that permits divorce. The precise situation it describes, however, might be critical. Without David divorcing his wife, her father had her married off to someone else. David took her back again (2 Samuel 3:13-16), presumably because although she had been remarried, there was no divorce of the first marriage. This suggests that each condition of Deuteronomy 24:1-4 must be fulfilled before God considers remarrying the same person an abomination. An example of a scenario not specifically mentioned is if the divorcee did not marry someone else.

God's commands are not always blanket statements divinely intended to cover every rare and unlikely scenario. For instance, of all the Gospels, only Matthew says "except for fornication" when forbidding divorce. Presumably Mark and Luke regarded this as an intended exception that they felt no compulsion to spell out. Could there be other exceptions to the general ban on divorce that Scripture does not bother to enumerate?

For an example on the other side of the ledger, the Ten Commandments forbid the coveting of a neighbor's wife, but say nothing about a woman coveting a neighbor's husband. Clearly this is a law not intended to include every possible scenario. It is an obvious instance of the Lord expecting his people to draw principles from general laws and under his inspiration and guidance - not our whims - apply them to specific situations.

Jesus said, "Have you never read what David did when he and his companions were hungry? He entered the house of God, and taking the consecrated bread, he ate what is lawful only for priests to eat. And he also gave some to his companions" (Luke 6:3-6). Jesus seems to regard this as acceptable, even though such an exception is not spelt out in the law.

There are grave dangers with pursuing this line of thought but the next point demonstrates that the other extreme is not without its dangers.

It is possible to offend God by being too strict in interpreting his commands. Many devout Jews felt they were honoring the Almighty by insisting that Jesus not heal on the Sabbath. This seems reasonable; after all there were six other days in which one could heal. Nevertheless, their strict interpretation was wrong and drew Jesus' wrath because it showed lack of compassion.

If, through too strict an interpretation of Scripture, you influenced a woman not to leave her abusive husband, could God hold you guilty of pressuring her to be molested or tormented by her husband? Or could you cause an abandoned partner to fall into sexual sin because you have convinced that person that re-marriage is forbidden?

We must avoid being like those experts in Jewish law whom Jesus accused of loading people down with burdens (Matthew 13:4). Even the apostle Paul, whose personal preference was that every Christian remain unmarried, recognized that in our sex-crazed world, celibacy is an impractical and excessive burden to lay on most people (1 Corinthians 7:1-9 - note, however, the next verse).

Collaborative Divorce or Cooperative Divorce?

2010-11-09T07:42:00.001+08:00

Introduction
"Collaborative divorce" is the new buzz word in family law practice. Its proponents enthuse about better and less costly settlements, greater client satisfaction, fewer accounts receivable, and less stress in the practice of law, than they can achieve through a conventional approach to family law disputes. How realistic are these claims? What are the down sides of "collaborative divorce"? Does the concept of "collaborative divorce" present ethical pitfalls and possible malpractice minefields for the unwary practitioner?
Lawyers who participate in the "collaborative divorce" movement use methods borrowed from more established alternative dispute resolution procedures to resolve family law disputes without litigation. However, unlike more accepted dispute resolution procedures, in "collaborative divorce" the lawyers and their clients agree that they will not engage in formal discovery, will voluntarily disclose information, and will settle the case without court intervention of any kind . They assume a duty to inform the attorney for the other party of errors they note in opposing counsel's legal analysis or understanding of the facts. If they are unable to settle the case, both lawyers must withdraw from representing their respective clients and the estranged spouses must start over with new counsel.
Good Lawyers Routinely Practice Cooperatively
Even the most enthusiastic supporters of "collaborative divorce" concede that the concept of settling cases rather than litigating them is hardly novel. Capable family law practitioners have always directed their effort and creativity toward reaching agreement rather than duking it out in court. It isn't news to anyone that litigation is expensive - sometimes prohibitively so - and that the most satisfactory settlements derive from skilled negotiation between capable counsel rather than a court-imposed resolution of disputed issues. How does the idea of "collaborative divorce" differ from what experienced practitioners do as a matter of course?
Courtesy. The commitment of lawyers and parties to treat each other courteously is not a new one. Capable attorneys consistently endeavor to work cooperatively with opposing counsel to identify and value assets, set and meet scheduling deadlines, and otherwise facilitate resolution of the case. They respect legitimate positions taken by the other party and encourage their clients to be realistic and respectful as well. They are willing and able to compromise, and they are creative in crafting acceptable resolutions of disputed issues. "Collaborative divorce" supporters intimate that their process is unique because lawyers commit that they will not "threaten, insult, intimidate, or demonize" other participants in the divorce process. Good lawyers don't do that now. The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, which historically has provided a model for good practice nationally, has promulgated "Bounds of Advocacy" that set a high standard for professional courtesy and cooperation.
Emotional cost. "Collaborative divorce" proponents say their process is designed for parties who don't want to go to war and who don't want "to hate each other for the rest of their lives." This description fits the vast majority of family law clients, including most of those whose cases end up in court. Clients almost always care about the emotional cost of adversary proceedings, and about the impact of the divorce action on their children and other family members. To suggest that people who really care will give up the protections provided by court oversight is to do a vast disservice to most of our clients.
Financial cost. "Collaborative divorce" supporters want to reduce the costs of the process by streamlining the discovery process. This also is not a new idea. Good lawyers have always sought to keep formal discovery to a minimum, to share costs of appraisals, to stipulate to values, and to cooperate in other ways to keep costs down. Many experienced practitioners routinely utilize mutually agreed upon short-form interrogatories, four-way meetings, joint telephone or in person conferences with experts, and other such collegial arrangements.
As the above analysis indicates, the goals espoused by "collaborative divorce" lawyers do not differ in degree or in kind from the goal of the vast majority of the family law bar. Most lawyers try a cooperative approach first. Most lawyers agree - and most of their clients concur - that resolution of issues by settlement is preferable to litigation. And in most cases, lawyers and their clients resolve disputed issues by agreement and do not resort to the courts.
The Limits of Collaboration
Despite the most concerted efforts of capable counsel, we all know that not all cases settle, and those that do settle sometimes don't settle easily. All of us have encountered the frustration of the last-minute, courthouse steps agreement, after completion of all the work and stress of trial preparation. Why is it that some cases don't settle until the very last minute, and some cases don't settle at all?
Unsettled Legal Issues. Legitimate reasons to resort to litigation are not always evident at the beginning of a case. Much appellate work involves issues the existence of which - or at least the seriousness of which - did not surface until significant discovery and negotiation had occurred. Where the law is unsettled or where counsel genuinely disagree about the appropriate interpretation and application of the law to the facts of their case, it is not only reasonable but necessary to ask the judge to intervene. Cooperative counsel can reduce the complexity and expense of litigation by limiting contested issues, stipulating facts where possible, agreeing in advance to the admission of exhibits, declining to engage in delaying tactics, and other behavior that is both practical and considerate. Lawyers can commit themselves to conduct the proceedings without animosity and can counsel their clients to be courteous to the other side. But the court has the last word on interpreting and applying the law.
Reality Testing. All clients say they want a "fair" result and many of them genuinely mean it. But they may have a very self-absorbed definition of "fair." Many years ago Leonard Loeb, whose wisdom and example have greatly influenced the development of a civilized standard of practice for family law attorneys, pointed out an important truth: "Sometimes the hardest negotiation you have to engage in is the one with your own client." A client who simply cannot see the broader picture despite counsel's best efforts may require the reality therapy of a temporary order hearing, or a pretrial with the judge, or a deadline for responding to formal discovery, in order to be capable of backing down from an unreasonable stance so settlement negotiations can proceed.
Scheduling Orders. We have all represented a left-behind spouse who does everything possible to avoid or at least delay the divorce, or a party who is preoccupied with business affairs or other family problems and just can't get around to dealing with the work and decision-making implicit in the divorce process. If one party would prefer that the marriage continue, or if completing the action is not a priority, the court may need to facilitate progress in the case by issuing a scheduling order and setting deadlines. Counsel can cooperate by being reasonable and courteous in setting initial deadlines and in agreeing to extensions where necessary. The process need not be - and usually is not - antagonistic.
Financial Disclosure. A client may, deliberately or inadvertently, fail to disclose assets without the rigorous attention to financial detail that formal discovery entails. Surely we have all had the experience of finding forgotten assets when a client produces the records necessary to back up his or her interrogatory answers. In other circumstances, the client and/or counsel may need the assurance of due diligence in discovery in order to be comfortable with a proposed settlement, especially where the estate is complex or the assets are substantial.
Stability. Then there is the personal factor: divorce presents a significant life crisis for most of our clients, and we see them at their most vulnerable and most needy. The commencement of a divorce action is often accompanied by anxiety, guilt, an danger, and may throw a family into chaos. If one party's antagonism toward the other is so overreaching that he or she is unable to proceed rationally and courteously, interim court orders may be the only way to achieve a level of stability that permits collaborative discussion of the long-term issues presented by the case.
In each of the above situations, the legal system provides structure and finality, and often sets the stage for the ultimate negotiated resolution of the matter. Court processes, rather than being an impediment to settlement, often facilitate it.
The Effectiveness of a "Collaborative Divorce" Approach
Do "collaborative divorce" techniques provide an effective response to the above limitations? Unfortunately, they do not.
Reality Testing. A client whose sense of "fair" is out of kilter with that of the other party and the lawyers will defeat the collaborative process, and both sides will have to incur the expense and delay of starting over with new counsel. Reality testing through a temporary order hearing or a pretrial with the judge is not an option in "collaborative divorce." The lawyer representing a difficult client must either advocate for the client's unreasonable position or take a public position adverse to the client's view. An attorney cannot ethically make either of these choices, The first is at least arguably frivolous; the second violates the requirement that we advocate diligently for our clients. Proponents of "collaborative divorce" have not provided a solution to this ethical dilemma.
Delay, Expense, and New Counsel. A client who wants to stall progress in a "collaborative divorce" can do so indefinitely, until the court threatens to dismiss the action and the party wishing to proceed must then retain new counsel to request a pretrial. Again, both sides incur the expense and delay of bringing a new attorney up to speed. The attorneys who know the facts and have established rapport with their clients cannot continue to be involved. How can this result benefit anyone?
Diligence. Lack of due diligence in discovery may subject the attorney to a malpractice claim [see Helmbrecht v. St. Paul Ins. Co., 122 Wis.2d 94, 362 N.W. 2d 118 (1985)], may violate the ethical requirement of diligent representation, and may make the client uneasy about signing on the dotted line. In complex cases and cases in which there is a disparity in the spouses' respective familiarity with or involvement in financial affairs, the security of formal discovery is not available to help resolve "collaborative divorces."
Timely and Efficient Court Intervention. If there is sufficient antagonism that experienced counsel are unable to negotiate an agreement, or if one party refuses to comply with an agreement, court intervention is necessary. Under the "collaborative divorce" approach, both lawyers must withdraw just at the time that an attorney who knows the case is most effective.
Malpractice Issues
In collaborative divorce, the parties and their respective lawyers sign a single contract, at least arguably creating obligations of each lawyer to the other attorney as well as to both clients. The collaborative law contract puts each lawyer in privity with both parties and with opposing counsel, creating a basis for contract claims to which an attorney is not exposed in standard practice. Moreover, the collaborative divorce contract assumes, though it does not specifically state, that each client completely waives his/her attorney's obligations to maintain client confidentiality and not to inform the other party or lawyer of his/her legal, factual, or strategic errors. Yet, the contractual commitments required for "collaborative divorce" eliminate these obligations and substitute in their place obligations to disclose and to inform that are at least theoretically actionable either as contract claims or negligence (malpractice) claims.
Assume that Attorneys A and B and their clients have agreed to proceed with a "collaborative divorce." Attorney A makes a mistake that disadvantages client A and benefits client B. If Attorney B fails (deliberately or negligently) to correct the error, can client A sue Attorney B for malpractice? If Attorney B corrects the error, to his/her own client's detriment, can Client B sue Attorney B for malpractice? Does the existence of a "collaborative divorce" contract provide a defense to malpractice? Does it increase malpractice exposure by permitting each party to sue both lawyers?
If, unknown to Attorney A, Client A fails to provide full financial disclosure and thus disadvantages Client B, can Client B sue Attorney A for malpractice? Can Client B sue Attorney B for failing to take steps to discover the omission? Can Client A sue either or both of the attorneys for malpractice if the nondisclosure was inadvertent and would have been discovered through standard formal discovery, and if the effect of the error is that the judgment is vacated and litigated with new counsel with Client A held liable for Client B's additional costs?
If Attorney A fails to spot an issue that would likely be resolved in Client A's favor, does Attorney B have a duty to raise the issue? If Attorney B fails to do so, can Client A sue Attorney B for malpractice? If Attorney B raises the issue, can Client B sue Attorney B for malpractice?
Have you notified your insurance carrier? How will you pay for breach of contract litigation and possible judgments against you that your malpractice insurance does not cover?
"Collaborative Divorce" May Increase the Cost of Divorce
"Collaborative divorce" is marketed as a cost-saver for clients, but is it really? We all know that settlement is less costly than litigation. The issue is not whether "collaborative divorce" is less expensive than litigation, but whether it permits participants to spend less than they would if they employed more conventional settlement approaches. Most lawyers try informal discovery first and proceed to interrogatories or requests for document production or depositions only where informal attempts have failed or where the information provided is suspect. Most lawyers schedule contested trials only after repeated attempts to arrive at negotiated settlements. Most lawyers genuinely believe that better and more creative settlements can be achieved through negotiation and creative planning rather than through a court-imposed resolution. Virtually no good lawyer chooses litigation as the first and best option.
In a conventional divorce, the lawyer who has worked up the case, who knows the client and the facts, and who understands the interpersonal dynamics of the case, can use this knowledge base to proceed if necessary to a litigated conclusion. In "collaborative divorce," if negotiations fail the clients have to begin again with new counsel and pay a new lawyer to learn the complexities of the case. If the clients have a relatively simple financial situation, they probably can't afford to pay twice. If they have a complex situation, the time and expense necessary to duplicate or recreate the financial analysis and valuations will likely be outrageously high. In some cases, clients may save some money, though there is no evidence that "collaborative divorce" is less costly or less time-consuming than any cooperative settlement approach. In other cases, however, overall costs will skyrocket, and the time it takes to complete the process will be significantly extended because of the duplication of effort entailed by substitution of counsel. And while "collaborative divorce" proponents suggest that its practitioners will have fewer uncollected accounts, one may reasonably question whether clients who are forced to change lawyers will fully pay both sets of counsel.
Is "Collaborative Divorce" a Better Process?
Advocates of "collaborative divorce" say that clients are motivated to learn problem-solving strategies because there are no "court threats." In some cases that may be true. Experienced attorneys know, however, that with many clients it is precisely the ability to schedule court dates and set deadlines that provides the impetus for settlement. Cases often settle only when delay is no longer possible and the time for gamesmanship is over. We've all had the experience - probably on both sides - of dealing with a client or opposing party who stubbornly sticks to a position until trial is imminent. Clients who employ more efficient problem-solving strategies do so in most cases because they understand that they will get the best results that way, and a contested trial date need not be scheduled in order to negotiate a settlement. There are no "court threats" because they are able to resolve their differences without the looming specter of a contested divorce. Moreover, where the bargaining positions of the respective clients are unequal - one is more financially experienced, or more legally knowledgeable, or simply more intimidating - the reality of "what the judge will likely do if we go to court" may be crucial to a fair settlement.
"Collaborative divorce" supporters also claim that clients are "more satisfied" with the results achieved with the collaborative approach. It's not news that clients are more amenable to and more willing to comply with the terms of an agreed settlement than one that is court imposed. But what is the evidence that clients are "more satisfied" with a collaborative settlement than with a settlement reached through conventional cooperation and negotiation?
"Collaborative divorce" proponents contend that the process offers a way to practice law that is "more positive, more challenging, more rewarding, and more fun" than conventional practice. This is simply not the case for those of us who have historically settled most of our cases creatively, without having to give up the option to litigate if negotiations break down, or to dodge ethical issues, or to assume additional malpractice exposure..
Cooperative Divorce
The attorneys who are spearheading the "collaborative divorce" movement have adopted this idea with the best of intentions. They are looking in good faith for a more humane and less stressful way to deal with the sturm und drang of marital dissolution. They are legitimately frustrated with the waste of time and duplication of effort that goes into simultaneous settlement negotiations and trial preparation. They want to make a hard time easier for their clients and for themselves.
We can work toward these goals without running afoul of ethical rules, increasing malpractice exposure, and refusing to use the available resources of the court system appropriately to facilitate negotiated settlements wherever possible. Let's call it "cooperative divorce."
The "cooperative divorce" practitioner would:
Respect all parties and counsel and treat all participants courteously.
Respond promptly and in a straight-forward way to requests - both formal and informal - for information. (No paper bags full of unsorted documents, receipts, and junk mail in response to a request for production of documents; if you need an extension of time, explain why and ask for it rather than leave the opposing attorney to guess when he or she will hear from you, etc.)
Cooperate with rescheduling requests, requests for extensions, and the like as a matter of common courtesy. Everybody needs a break sometime.
Tailor information requests to the information needed for each specific case, rather than sending blanket, form discovery documents or routinely scheduling depositions without a specific purpose.
Educate his or her client about the other party's rights and perspective, rather than simply supporting the client's position regardless of its merits or the realities of the case.
Encourage the client to take a broad view and consider relationship issues. Help the client focus on the issues that can be resolved within the legal system and discourage justification of the client's bad behavior on the basis of the estranged spouse's total lack of redeeming qualities.
Prepare seriously for settlement negotiations; do the homework that is necessary to conclude the case. Run after-tax cash flow schedules and marital balance sheets; put together comprehensive parenting plans, update financial statements - as if the case were going to trial instead of a negotiation session. Too often we contribute to delays by being unprepared to negotiate effectively.
Keep his or her word. If a cooperative lawyer commits to provide information or a document draft by a certain date, he or she does so or makes a courtesy call to explain an unavoidable delay. If a cooperative lawyer makes a proposal in negotiation, he or she does not renege on the proposal on the table and retreat to a more favorable position for his or her client.
Use the legal system as a resource to help settle the case if appropriate.
Understand the rich menu of alternative dispute resolution resources and recommend their use as appropriate.
Maintain a civil and courteous approach. If litigation is necessary, stipulate where possible, cooperate with the admission of exhibits, accommodate the other side's expert witnesses, and advocate for his or her client without becoming antagonistic.
Most good lawyers do most of these things most of the time. But we all slip up on occasion. Committing to "cooperative divorce" avoids the problems of "collaborative divorce" and improves the practice of family law.

Divorce Do's and Don'ts

2010-11-08T21:07:00.002+08:00

Going through a divorce can be a trying time emotionally, physically, and financially. The results of a divorce may follow you for years and possibly for the rest of your life. Do all you can to insure the final results of your divorce are as positive as possible.

Divorce for the Right Reason(s) Make sure you are getting divorced for the right reasons. People change, your spouse did and so did you. Communication during a marriage can break down and things like kids and finances can come between couples. Getting a divorce will not make the kids go away and often makes financial matters even worse. Seek counseling if there is even a slim chance that the marriage can be salvaged. Often people think if I simply get rid of him/her I will be happy but there may be an underlying reason to your unhappiness that has nothing to do with your spouse. A qualified marriage counselor can often help you individually or together root out and solve marriage problems.

Uncontested Divorce If you are on good terms with your spouse and the feelings between you are mutual, discuss the divorce and see if you can agree to terms without an attorney. There are new, inexpensive methods to file an online divorce through sites like DiscountDivorceOnline that can save you and your spouse thousands of dollars if the divorce is uncontested. Going through an uncontested divorce can also significantly reduce your stress and if you have children is much healthier for them both during and after the divorce.
Find the Right Divorce Attorney When a divorce cannot be filed uncontested and an attorney is needed, it is extremely important that you not only hire a skilled divorce attorney, but the right divorce lawyer for you. Every divorce attorney has his or her own style. Make sure their style suits both yours and the style necessary to protect your best interest during and after the divorce. The best way to find the right divorce lawyer for you is to get personal referrals from other people you know who have gone through a divorce and to also see if you can get a free initial consultation with the lawyer. A bulldog divorce attorney may be perfect if your ex is fighting you and making things difficult, but he or she may only antagonize the other attorney and your ex if things are currently friendly. On the other hand, you do not want to hire a passive aggressive lawyer without a backbone if things are heated between you and your spouse. Finally, finding an attorney with a strong work ethic who is willing to stay in and go the long haul is vitally important. If they get bored, tired, or distracted easily they may begin to recommend settlements that appear good for you short term but are not in your long term best interests.
Act Quickly During the Divorce Act quickly, what does this mean? If you think for a minute your spouse is vindictive, manipulative, irresponsible, or dishonest then it is crucially important that you direct your divorce lawyer to send legal notices to freeze pension plans, life insurance, 401k’s, stock brokerage accounts, and any other assets such as home and car loans to avoid your spouse from changing beneficiaries, ownership, cashing out 401k’s and life insurance, stock options, etc. Send an immediate notice to all of your credit card issuers to close accounts or change them from joint to single accounts to keep your spouse from maxing them out and increasing debt that ultimately you will both be responsible for until the divorce is finalized.

Consider the Children During the Divorce This probably goes without saying, but a divorce can be very trying on children. Talk to kids and if they are old enough to understand discuss appropriate things about the divorce with them. Enlist family and friends to help out and try and substitute time the other spouse may no longer be spending with them. Seek counseling and professional help or support groups for children of divorce. Often you and your spouse will know why you are getting a divorce but it can be very confusing for your children. Share with them but do not go in to too much detail and certainly do not say bad things about your spouse or pit the kids against him or her. This may cause all sorts of trust issues, relationship issues, and parenting issues for your children later in life. There are professionals, books, and web sites you can refer to, so please do not take the above advice as gospel as each divorce is different and I am not a professional divorce counselor or practitioner.

Watch Your Finances During the Divorce One of the biggest mistakes individuals make is to divorce because of financial reasons. Often divorcing can intensify the financial problems by increasing the cost of rent and mortgages, child care, transportation, and of course legal fees. If your access to funds is reduced during the divorce then reduce your expenses wherever possible. There are sites on the internet offering divorce financial help and divorce financial advice so use them.

Finally, if the divorce looks like it will be drawn out and you cannot wait for access to cash to assist you with living expenses, medical costs, school fees, rental deposits, or the purchase of a new home to house you and your children there is the option of a divorce loan or divorce advance. If you meet the minimum qualifications you can access some of the value of your shared assets today to use any way you wish without monthly payments and typically regardless of your credit and employment. Payback of the divorce loan or divorce advance is not due until the divorce becomes final or the assets are distributed. Sites like EZ Divorce Loan [https://www.EZDivorceLoan.com] offer specifics in greater detail.

Each divorce situation is different and this article offers some general suggestions but cannot tell you what you should do you in your specific situation and is not to be taken as legal advice or advice from a professional, counselor, or physician.

5 Ways To Ensure You Will Have a Happy Life After Divorce

2010-11-08T09:57:00.001+08:00

Life after divorce is something that most people who are going through divorce think about. Thinking about having a life after divorce or thinking about how your life will be after divorce, are common because people tend to fear for themselves. In fact, think about having a life after divorce while getting a divorce can be a sticking point for some people because they just aren't sure what their life will "look like" after divorce.
Here's 5 things to keep in mind so can have a life after divorce:
Life after divorce item 1: Think about your emotional stability...if you wanted the divorce or not, you must face it head on.

Divorce is tough and whether you're going through it or your are already past it, your emotional stability is of vital importance because you might tend to be somewhat touchy after going through an emotional ordeal. Keep in mind that your life after divorce can be great but you must admit that you will go through (or have gone through) a trying time in your life. Admitting this and facing your situation head on is important to your emotional stability and critical to you having a happy life after divorce.
Life after divorce item 2: Look at the bright side, having life after divorce could be a new start for you!
How may times in your life do you wish you could have just started over knowing what you know now? If you answered "many", don't worry, that's a common thought most of us have. Having a positive mental attitude about your new beginning will make a huge difference in how happy your life will be after divorce. Life after divorce can be fantastic and it can also be very tough if you don't remain positive about a what's in front of you. Look at the glass as being "half full" and realize that, in order to be happy after divorce, you must take advantage of the opportunity to get a fresh start!
Life after divorce item 3: Surround yourself with people you like in your free time.
Too often times people start new relationships with just about anyone because they are lonely while getting a divorce or after getting a divorce. Sparking a relationship, romantic or friendly, with anyone and everyone who will spend time with you can contribute to unhappiness in your life after divorce. Stop and think about the people that you spend time with and ask yourself, "Once my emotional turmoil has ended, would I really want to keep the relationship going with this person?". Life after divorce is tough...so, when you're deciding about divorce, going through one, or already have been through a divorce, make sure that you carefully choose who to spend your free time with or you may fall into more negativity in your life after divorce.
Life after divorce item 4: Make it a point to spend time doing things that you like to do every week.
Make sure that you spend time enjoying your life after divorce - don't forget to 'stop and smell the roses'. Some people vent, work, go into hiding, or just plain go haywire after getting a divorce and their subsequent life after divorce isn't as healthy as possible. At least once a week, take the time to go and do something that you really enjoy doing...it will help you deal with your life after divorce in a more pleasing manner.
Life after divorce item 5: Set specific goals and implement a plan to achieve those goals.
Life after divorce is a tumultuous time, your life can seemingly be 'in the balance'. In order to make sure that you feel good about yourself and enjoy the feeling that accomplishment brings, think about a goal or set of goals that you've always had but never attained. Then, prioritize those goals and devise a plan to obtain them, one by one. Implement each plan and be happy (in fact celebrate) once you've reached your goal. Your life after divorce will be markedly better and healthier if you take this concept to heart and follow it.
Visualizing your life after divorce (and thinking about what your life might be like after divorce) is a sound and logical thing to do in order to be happy after divorce. Your life after divorce does not need to be a continuation of the pain you might have gone through or are currently going through.
Life after divorce can be extremely liberating if you act based on logic plus positive emotions rather than negativity. If divorce is eminent or you've already been through divorce, take the time to actually plan your life after divorce.

Michigan Divorce Handbook

2010-11-07T22:53:00.002+08:00

MICHIGAN NO-FAULT DIVORCE

As Most people are of aware, Michigan is a no-fault state. In fact, Michigan has been a no-fault jurisdiction since 1973. Although there are arguments to ending this status of a no-fault jurisdiction, as can be recently attested to by legislation in the Michigan House and Senate, most divorce attorneys would argue that our system has been an effective system. Some have argued that the no-fault status has attributed to the rise in the number of divorces since the 1960's. Most attorneys would argue that changing demographic and socioeconomic factors are responsible for the increase in divorces. Although the no-fault status generally means a 50/50 split in assets, there are certain factors such as fault that can be used in making a breakdown of marital assets. For instance, if it is found that one of the spouses had affairs or was extremely abusive, judges are now reluctant to award more property to the not-at-fault party. For instance, if there are assets of about $100,000, a judge, depending on the circumstances, would be likely to award anywhere from 55 - 60 % of those assets. The other factors to be looked at also involve the employability of one's spouse.
DIVORCE REQUIREMENTS
Michigan is a no fault divorce state like 40 plus other jurisdictions. However fault can be a determining factor in how the property is divided up, along with how much alimony and child support will be paid. For example, if one of the spouses was having an affair or was abusive, that factor could be used by the judge in making a determination as to how marital property was divided or how much alimony was paid. There has to be a breakdown in the marital relationship to the extent that the objects of matrimony have been destroyed and there appears no reasonable likelihood that the marriage can be preserved. The residency requirements in Michigan are 180 days in the County 10 days prior to filing the action for divorce.
THE IMPACT OF DIVORCE ON YOUR LIFE
Divorce is a difficult time and there a significant changes that take place. For instance, you lose contact with mutual friends, and you no longer are involved with the same social groups or organizations. In fact, most persons who go through a divorce feel it is incumbent upon themselves to make a drastic change. This is not recommended. For one to be able to get through such a difficult period it is important that gradual changes are made. A complete break off of mutual friends may be recommended because such contact with those persons may remind one of the difficulties experienced throughout that marriage. It is important for divorced parents not to make too many drastic changes, especially for the sake of their children.
DIVORCE AND YOUR CHILDREN
Many children of divorced parents are likely to react with anger and to feel a guilt complex. For example, many children will feel that they have been the cause of the divorce and as a result may feel bitterness with both parents. It is your job as a parent to indicate to your child or children that they were not responsible for the breakup of the relationship and it is especially important in the beginning of the separation that parents continue to emphasize this with their children.

Keep you children involved in many of the activities they were involved with prior to the breakup of the marriage. It is especially important to maintain continuity for the children so as to minimize the difficulty in the transition for the children.

Do not put your child or children in a position where they feel they must choose between one parent or the other. It is important as a parent that you are as level headed as possible and not to have your child placed in an uncomfortable position of determining who they favor as a parent. Children love both parents equally and do not have the mental or emotional capacity to deal with a situation such as this. This can be very hurtful and devastating to the child, not only in the short term but possibly can have long term psychological impact for the rest of their lives. Do not discuss the reasons for the shortcomings in the marriage. Although you may want to be an open parent with the children, it is important that this openness be only dealt with when the children are old enough and sophisticated enough to understand the issues. It is further recommended that you should talk about the good things that have come out of the marriage if one of your children asks you questions regarding it. By doing so you are not only a positive role model, you are also helping to nurture a positive attitude with the child or children. By constantly being negative or displaying bad feelings towards the ex spouse, or discussing things that went wrong, you are helping to nurture a very angry child who feels they must have a preference of one parent over the other. By taking a negative attitude you are hurting the child's attitude and you could also help harbor even more bitterness then is necessary. The bottom line here is that you and your spouse are getting a divorce your children are not divorcing either one of you. So do not get your children involved in your bitter feelings about your spouse.

Your child should not be used as a pawn for disagreements that continue to exist between you and your ex- spouse. One of the most important issues confronting a parent after divorce is how they act or discuss the ex-spouse. Never use your child to deliver angry or hostile messages between you and your ex-spouse. Never use your child or children to deliver personal information about child support payments to your ex- spouse. Do not make comparison put-downs to your child regarding the ex-spouse.

It is important to remind you children that your friendships or relationships are not being used as a replacement to their parent. Tell the children they remain first and foremost in the minds of their parents. Emphasize to the child that they are not under any pressure to accept or reject your relationship.
The children should be given the maximum amount of visitation with the non-custodial parent. Just because the marriage failed does not mean your child or children is not entitled to a meaningful relationship with your ex-spouse. If anything, something good will usually come out of allowing the maximum amount of visitation. Unless there is a drug or alcohol problem or emotional and physical abuse during visitation, financial reason is not one reason to withhold visitation. For instance, if one spouse is behind in the child support payments it is not a reason to deny visitation. The parent who has the gripe with the system should petition the Friend of the Court for payments and to make the necessary arrangements to make themselves whole. It is clearly important that the child/ren not be used as pawns.

The child or children should be able to communicate freely with either parent and realize that such conversations will be kept private. Furthermore, that parent should not use those conversations to influence their behavior towards one parent or the other.

The parent should always assure their child that they will do their very best under the most difficult circumstance to make sure that child receives the best possible opportunities as if the parent were still married to the other spouse. For instance, as a parent, do not use newly found obligations with a new spouse as an excuse to deny your child/ren help. Some parents may feel that a new marriage precludes them from helping out their child/ren. That is a very poor excuse. If you deny your child opportunities because of your marriage, perhaps you should be denying yourself the full commitment and responsibility of that marriage. Although this may be a fascist point of view, your first and foremost responsibility is to an innocent child that you have brought into this world.

CUSTODY OF THE CHILDREN
Custody is truly the most litigious area in the divorce arena. Unfortunately in many situations the children are used as pawns to try to get the other spouse angry. The factors to be looked at in determining custody of the children involve the best interests of the child. If the court feels that neither spouse is acting in the best interest of the child, the court in some situations have appointed guardians to supervise and to raise that child. There are several basic issues in the area of custody. One involves the physical or residential custody, I.e. which parent will the child end up living with. There is also joint legal custody. Both parents can have joint legal custody even if one child resides exclusively with the other parent. With joint legal custody both parents make the decisions on behalf of the children concerning education, health, activities, religion, and general welfare. There are some situations that involve joint physical custody or often referred to as shared parenting. This can occur when one child resides with both parents equally and for a significant period of time. However, such a situation is generally not feasible especially when that child is of school age because most courts and psychologist deem it as necessary to create a stable learning environment.
In making custody decisions courts frown upon any parent who has abused alcohol or drugs. In such a situation, the parent who has abused drugs or alcohol will hardly be likely to get any custody. They will be fortunate to get limited visitation. If such abuse of drugs and alcohol is continuous, the court will order supervised visitation and very rarely grant an over night stay. Courts, with all things being equal, normally award custody to the mother; however in recent years with a growing number of women who have been successful in the professional ranks, such a trend is becoming less and less likely.
TAX CONSIDERATION IN DIVORCES
Before one goes on with the divorce there are tax considerations that must be very carefully reviewed. For example, if both spouses are co-owners in a business, it may be necessary to get a legal separation and discuss a structured settlement plan over a period of several years in order to allow one spouse the opportunity to purchase the other spouses interest in a business. If such a plan is not implemented in some businesses both spouses may be hit with a massive tax bill if such a sale is not structured properly. It is strongly suggested especially for high net worth couples and individuals to consult a tax professional before doing a split. Though this is not of primary importance with couples as they come to a decision to split, it will be of significant importance on the judgment day of reckoning. Many folks who are considering divorce do so for many reasons, most importantly the fact that they have drifted apart and they cannot get along. However, it is very important that persons who are contemplating such a decision be aware of the tax consequences of their decisions, this is especially important for couples who have lived in the same house for over 10 years. The new legislation for the home sale capital gains tax exemption softens the blow of a house sale because of a tax exempt status of up to $500,000 per couple and $250,000 per single seller but those persons who have a much more expensive house have to be very careful in their divorce plans.
ECONOMIC IMPACT OF DIVORCE AND SEPARATION
The economic impact of divorce and separation can be brutal. In many situations it can be downright devastating. One of the factors that causes the economic devastation involves setting up two separate households and making an additional payment. I've often advises clients that if their marriage is not at a total breakdown a separation period along with some marital counseling can do wonders. When one comes to a decision of a divorce the moving spouse looks at all the worst qualities of the other spouse. Unfortunately that spouse may not realize that the presently "difficult" situation can end up being very horrible. For instance, if a woman who have been working on a limited basis seeks to get a divorce without any financial support mechanism, it can be truly devastating economically, especially if the spouse whom she is seeking support from is not working steadily or is involved in a business that has peak and non-peak seasons. My suggestion for those persons who are cordial in planning the divorce is that they come to a compromise and allow for a transition period to take place before finally implementing the divorce plan. A perfect example involves selling a house. Whenever you are negotiating you obviously want to do so from a position of strength. You do not want to sell a house while going through a divorce or foreclosure. Therefore, I have advised persons and couples who are considering a separation or divorce to try as best as they can to get their financial house in order and to do as much dividing as possible before ultimately getting a divorce. For example, when a client is adamant about getting a divorce I tell them that they'll be making sacrifices for a while but that the first 2 years determine whether they make it or whether they sink financially. I advise clients, wherever possible to share an apartment or house with a friend so if they have children they are in a position to make child support payments without going under. I also tell them that the ability to compromise with your spouse can save thousands perhaps tens of thousands of dollars that could take place in a nasty divorce conflict.
Social Security
Even if it is not mentioned in a divorce settlement, a divorced spouse can get benefits on a former spouse's social security record if the marriage lasted at least 10 years. The divorced spouse has to be 62 or older and unmarried. A divorced spouse can start collecting benefits between the age of 50 to 60 if they are disabled.
Survivor benefits
Unmarried children under the age of 18 are entitled to survivor benefits if the former spouse passes away.
Credit
This is an area that is very important especially to the spouses who are not regularly paying mortgage payments or credit card bills. It is important that you stay current on bills because the action of one spouse can have a devastating impact on the other spouse, especially if the mortgage is not being paid on time or the credit cards are not being kept up. This is especially true if you are jointly named on a credit card or a home mortgage. It is important that you get a copy of the credit report to determine what your credit rating is. Most importantly you must keep up with payments and be aware of all the outstanding obligations that exist between you and your spouse.
Private and public retirement programs
It is important, especially for spouses who have been married for at least 10 years, to get an understanding of how much money is in the other spouses retirement programs. In some situations the worth of each spouses retirement program ends up canceling the others worth in a division of assets during the pendency of a divorce. However, this is an area that is of growing importance, especially to a stay at home spouse or a spouse who only works on a part-time basis. The five-year program is generally mentioned because of the fact that most private and public pension programs vest after that period of time. It would be prudent to get a tax professional to determine the worth of the pension program for present and future value.
ALIMONY
Alimony involves money one spouse pays the other for support and maintenance. There are several types of alimony. One involves lumps of alimony, which is used to help put the other spouse on equal footing with the paying spouse. There is also permanent alimony, which is paid until the death of the payer. There is also temporary and rehabilitative alimony. Temporary alimony usually last for several years and is usually done for non-working spouses to allow them the opportunity to maintain their standard of living or to get job training skills. The factors taken in determining the amount of alimony involve several factors. The most important factor involves the duration of the marriage, the income and net worth of both parties, the contribution of one spouse as a homemaker, and most recently courts have begun to award alimony based on the contributions of one spouse in education and furtherance of the career of the other spouse.
THE OFFICE OF THE FRIEND OF THE COURT
Each county has access to a friend of the court in the state of Michigan. Some counties in Northern Michigan may be combined for a Friend of the Court operation however, any county generally speaking that has more than 60,000 persons has a Friend of the Court operation. The Friend of the Court has psychologists and referees who review motions. Most of this work is for post divorce situations. A husband who has to pay child support may use that court to contest the amount that they are paying and ultimately have a review, a parent may use that office also to ask for an increase in support or a reduction in visitation, reviews may also be ordered through the Friend of the Court to make revisions in the amount of visitation a parent may have. Unfortunately, the office has been used too often by bitter parents to get back at an ex-spouse.
Friend of the court offers recommendations to motions and they may also offer mediation as a way of settling disagreements over custody or visitation of children.
PROCEDURES OF THE COURT
1. The Plaintiff begins by filing a Complaint or Petition for Divorce on the Defendant. This asks the Court to grant a divorce, orders child support or spousal support, establish a paternity case, start an out-of-state collection effort, and/or grant an order for custody of a child.
2. The Defendant must be given a copy of the summons and Complaint.
3. When the Defendant receives that papers (s)he is allowed time to answer the claims made, usually 21 days or (s)he may lose the right to be heard by the judge and result in an order granting the Plaintiff's requests.
4. The judge must find that there has been a breakdown in the marriage to the point that the parties cannot live together as husband and wife in order to grant a divorce. The judge will then enter a Judgment of Divorce that will bring the marriage to an end. Michigan is a no-fault divorce state so a divorce can be granted even if one of the parties does not want a divorce. The judgment of divorce contains the decisions of the Court which deal with custody, visitation, support, property and other related issues. From the date of filing of a Complaint for Divorce without minor children the waiting period is a minimum of 60 days. For divorce cases with minor children the waiting period is a minimum of six months. After the waiting period the judge may grant a divorce.
TEMPORARY RESTRAINING ORDER OR PPO
You may need a temporary restraining order to prevent the other spouse from transferring or disposing assets and also awarding yourself temporary custody of children and a certain amount of child support. If there has been abuse of you or your children you will have to file a petition for personal protection order or PPO. This will be on the state police registry of a state wide computer system, which will effectuate the order immediately. If the spouse violates the PPO they could receive up to 90 days in jail. Of course, a show cause hearing must be held to determine if that person has violated such an order.
GRIEVING YOUR LOSS
It would be wise to wait at least a year after your divorce to deal with your grief before getting involved in another relationship. Now you have an opportunity to create the life you would like for yourself.
There is nothing you can do to change the past but everything you can do to make a better future.