Giddy Fingers

Two laughs for the end of the weekend

Marsy ~ Giddy Fingers — Sun, 10 Jul 2011 19:43:56 +0000

“Bah!”

That’s the sound of me being disgruntled because it’s already the end of the weekend and I know what’s lurking around the corner like a big scary monster… Monday.

But thanks to some good things in life, we can still enjoy the last few hours of a Sunday evening and I can with say with no shame at all that I even did a little wee wee (out of pure joy) after seeing these so I have no option but to share these immediately with you.

Look even the dolphins are laughing!

Ever Wondered Where Your Poo Goes?

Marsy ~ Giddy Fingers — Sun, 29 May 2011 18:22:31 +0000

Well I certainly did and it was a good thing too because that’s how I found out I had something I never knew I had. And it went something like this…

There I was squeezing one out

Then…

but…

Fortunately in this day and age I
didn’t need to wonder for long

So I grabbed my laptop and asked my
dear friend Google the question…

Which appropriately lead me to…

Oh I can’t tell you enough how much fun it was to track my poops across London sewer pipes from one end to the other. But that’s when I also discovered another thing because Flush Tracker showed me a photographic map of the top of my building from where I last flushed my toilet and because of this bird’s eye view I noticed my roof top seemed like I could walk around on it…

Did that mean I maybe had a roof terrace?

There was only one way to find out!

And oh yes, there it was…

in all it’s glory with a view of the London eye!

I don’t care if curiosity killed the cat,
it helped me find my roof terrace.

What I did during The Royal Wedding

Marsy ~ Giddy Fingers — Sat, 30 Apr 2011 16:09:10 +0000

I woke up late as it was a bank holiday, yes all of us in the UK had an entire day off because of the Royal wedding, woo hoo! So after rolling around in bed wondering how I should start my day I decided to reward myself with a massive Greek souvlaki which was most un-English like of me.

I probably should of had some tea and scones or something but those just didn’t match up to my hunger level. When hungry like a wolf I need instant meat, even if it is 10 in the morning.

Around midday some friends called to invited me over to their house to watch a repeat of the Royal wedding, but I got there late so we watched Resident Evil instead.

By around 5pm I was finally feeling a bit guilty – like I should get into the Royal spirit a bit, so I Googled the latest news and instantly found my favourite image:

Ummm!? Well, that’s pretty much all I needed from this whole event.

Soon enough I was distracted again from the royal shenanigans as my friend’s dog Roxy began licking my ankles…

This is the face Roxy and her pig friend pulled when I showed them the image above of what Kate Middleton was doing to her new Husband!

Then at around 3am I fell asleep and dreamt of men going bald and I woke up this morning wondering why? But then I knew exactly why…

I hope you all had a lovely day yesterday too.

Bad Neighbours

Marsy ~ Giddy Fingers — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 16:34:00 +0000

Bad:

1. Opposite of good

2. What Michael Jackson told us he was all along

3. My neighbours

I was fortunate enough as a child to live in a house that had no neighbouring noises. The only noise I could hear occasionally were the sounds of my dad peeing in the upstairs toilet and my dogs howling at night. Ok the dogs howling did get quite annoying, especially at 3 in the morning so sometimes I would yell at them to be quiet, but they were dogs and they didn’t listen.

Ingeniously, one night after a lot of howling my bother bought home some shock collars. After strapping one around each dog’s neck there was no more howling and from then on we all lived in blissful quietness.

But many things have changed since then.

I recently moved into a new flat and was very excited to get settled in. I noticed that I had upstairs neighbours but I had no idea what this meant. In my mind, neighbours would be kind and loving and bring me chocolates and cakes as welcome gifts just like I had seen on Desperate Housewives.

But, there were no chocolates and no cakes, the only thing I was welcomed with was horrible noisy noise!

I could hear it from every room in the flat. What could possibly be making these sounds, what the hell was going on up there?

It sounded like some MASSIVE FEET STOMPING AROUND!

Maybe…

Bigfoot was living above me!

The fun of imaging a real big foot living above me only lasted momentarily as reality set in pretty quickly, it was my upstairs neighbours doing freaky stuff.

Was this really what I was going to be living with for the next year?

Yes.

It only got worse, I could hear it no matter if I was lying in my bed, on the couch or cooking some pancakes. Everyday at 4am on the dot the noise started and it vibrated the whole flat. I would be lying there getting angrier and angrier until I wasn’t even sleepy any more. I would crawl out of my warm bed to make some very black tea and tell myself to go to the the shop and buy some earplugs as soon as it was day time. But then I’d end up watching re-runs of Judge Judy and totally forget to buy the damn earplugs.

Anyway, why should I have to wear earplugs? Imagine if a murderer was crawling in through the window while I was asleep how would I hear him coming in? Consequently I wouldn’t be able to plan my escape! After much grumbling I decided to write my upstairs neighbours a kind letter to bring them awareness that there was someone new living underneath them.

Dear neighbours,

I recently moved into the flat below you (even though you didn’t bring me a welcome cake) I was very excited to be moving in. However, since moving in I have been hearing really strange sounds coming from your direction, especially at around 4am. It sounds a bit like things are running around? Please can you make these sounds stops so that I can get some sleep?

Thank you very much,

Your loving downstairs neighbour.

The very next day there was a knock on my door. I thought it was the postman bringing me my glow in the dark stickers I had won on ebay but no, it was my upstairs neighbours:

They appeared to be evilly smirking at me,

then the mother said:

And they were gone.

Feeling hopeless and defeated I went out and bought the earplugs in all hope that they would dampen the sounds, and if a murderer broke in, well then I would be murdered.

That night I screwed the earplugs tightly into my ears and closed my eyes. Eventually I fell asleep but at 4am I was woken up again, what the? I could hear the noises through my earplugs!

Right! drastic action was needed, I decided that every time I heard stomping from above I would stomp back! I would use my sturdy umbrella (it was the only thing long enough to reach the ceiling).

Hell yeah! Take that neighbours, see how you like it now!

Feeling rather proud with my achievement I wanted to reward myself with some cake so went out to the shops. When I came back there was a note stuck on my door…

Arrrghhhhh!!!!

So that’s that then, there is nothing I can do but hope that my 12 month rental contract goes by fast so I can move out.

In the meantime I will laugh over this David Shrigley cartoon, if only I had big enough balls to send my neighbours a copy…

Earthquake in Japan

Marsy ~ Giddy Fingers — Sat, 12 Mar 2011 12:24:00 +0000

I just woke up to seeing the crazy news about the Japanese earthquake with a magnitute of 9.0 which also terribly resulted in a massive whirlwind tsunami and nuclear explosion making my morning TV (which usually consists of happy breakfast cooking shows):

…seem more like a Hollywood blockbuster movie!

Wow that’s some seriously scary stuff! Being in an earthquake is really scary as I know from being in one that happened right here in London two years ago which was the most bizarre thing ever, so bizarre that I had to text one of those phone services to ask what the heck had just happened.

I remember sitting on my bed happily reading a Kurt Vonnegut novel…

when all of my furniture (including me) rumbled!

….

At first I thought my bedroom was haunted and I was being attacked by ghosts who must have been very angry at something because they were throwing everything around!

Quickly I texted AQA (Any Question Answered) and asked them how my bed (with me on it) had moved from one side of the room to the other without me having moved it? Could it be that I was witnessing my first paranormal activity?

But within 5 minutes I got a reply saying it wasn’t ghosts and that it was an earthquake.

OK I was disappointed that I wasn’t being attacked by ghosts and luckily nothing more amounted from the tremor apart from me having to re-arrange my furniture.

Now I’d like to send my warmest wishes to Japan and if you are tweeting about this topic please end your tweets with #prayforjapan and last but not least I’m finishing off with a video which will hopefully make you smile in the aftermath of this unfortunate event…

A White Hair Or A White Christmas?

Marsy ~ Giddy Fingers — Sun, 19 Dec 2010 16:51:00 +0000

I know which one I would prefer… but it’s not the one I got!

OK, so I found my first white hair – ARRGHHHHHH!!!! Actually it wasn’t even me who found it, in fact I was blissfully unaware I even had it until my girlfriend pointed it out while I was doing a wee wee. Yes we have the type of open relationship were we walk in and out of the bathroom no matter what we are doing in there. Some of you may find that disgusting but we find it completely normal and soothing.

So there I was doing my morning wee, still half asleep when girlfriend walks in and says:

Me:

I squeezed my wee out as fast I could because I needed to see this for myself. I had some highlights done over the summer, surely it was one of my blonde locks she was mistaking for a white hair. I flushed quickly and ran to the mirror and…. there it was, in all it’s glory a little bastard of a white hair.

There was no mistaking this for a blonde one, those were golden and syrupy, this one was wiry and as stark as a doctors clinic, the purity of it’s whiteness almost blinding me.

There was only one thing to do:

but…

Apparently that’s a big NO-NO! If you pull it out you will be cursed with evil things for the rest of your life and not only that ALL of your other hairs will turn white too.

So…

Because ice cream is the only thing right now that will make me feel better about the fact that I am now turning into an oldie.

And while I stuff my face with spoons and spoons of Häagen Daz Strawberry Cheesecake ice cream I will wishfully be hoping for a white Christmas this year because then if I throw myself into the snow and make a snow angel no one will see my white hair against the snow.

Merry Christmas everyone!

How Nutella Saved My Day

Marsy ~ Giddy Fingers — Sun, 05 Dec 2010 22:44:00 +0000

Two horrible things happened today.

1. I got my period.

2. I ran out of chocolate.

I would just like to point out that these two things should never, ever happen at the same time otherwise it will lead to bad, bad things.

At first, I was blissfully unaware of Mr. Period which was lurking just around the corner…

Mr. Period

So there I was relaxing on the sofa, watching some TV – Gordon Ramsay’s Hell’s Kitchen and feeling pleasantly happy.

When…

suddenly I felt all uncomfortable and disgusting which could only mean one of two things… either I had food poisoning or my period had arrived and in this case it was the latter. There was nothing I could do now but surrender to it’s horribleness!

Well, there was one thing that could make me feel better…

Yes! Sweet, sweet chocolate!

BUT! Did I even have any?
.

.
NO I DIDN’T BECAUSE I ATE IT ALL LAST NIGHT WHEN I WAS BEING A GREEDY COW AND NOW THAT I REALLY NEEDED SOME I DIDN’T HAVE ANY AND I WANTED CHOCOLATE RIGHT NOW OR I WOULD DIE!!!!!

But then, a miracle – somewhere in my little brain there was a rustle and I had what I am proud to say, a moment of genius.

And and it was this!

Kettle, boil water. Jar of Nutella, pour boiling water into jar of Nutella. Straw. Drink.

Aaahhhh gooey chocolate hazelnutty sandwich spread turned into a soup now in my mouth.

All Mr. Period problems momentarilly forgotten.

How Having A Pet Monkey Resulted In Us Not Going To the Cinema

Marsy ~ Giddy Fingers — Sun, 21 Nov 2010 19:57:00 +0000

Yesterday I was bored during my lunch break so I decided to be clever and multi task by going on Youtube while simultaneously shoving my face with a steak and cheese Subway foot-long sandwich (yes I ate the whole thing, not sure how but I did – go me!) when I found this video below which almost made me choke on a small piece of dried steak because it’s this sort of retarded thing that makes me laugh like an idiot:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fn-s_0t1eso?fs=1]

Oh how I love silly animal videos and it’s when I watch things like this that I wish I had a camera with me when I was younger because I used to spend a lot of time with my pets, and because pets have a mind of their own you never really know what they might get up to, like when I used to live in Portugal and my dad bought me a pet monkey called Chico. If I had a camera then I would have so many good videos and in particular a very exciting one involving Chico throwing his excrement in my friend’s face…

Chico was one cool dude.

He was jovial and always in a playful mood. He liked looking for things in my hair, sharing all of my food with me, and sometimes he would try to play with my bra strap and then pull my underwear if he got a chance.

But don’t be fooled, there was one thing that could turn him from a cuddly ape into a ravaging lunatic:

It would enrage him so much that his eyeballs would pop out and his tongue would wiggle, his soft grunts turning into high pitched screams!

And this hulk like transformation would take place if someone hit me, well no one would actually hit me, but if they pretended to hit me, he would get so upset that he would scream. Yes, I think he secretly fancied me and thought that he was my protective furry husband, awww.

So when I had my friend’s over, they enjoyed pretend hitting me so we could have a giggle at watching Chico scream. Is this a form of animal abuse? Oh god I hope not because we did it over and over again.

Then there was my 12th birthday party and I had some friends over. We had been playing outside all day and were all dusty and grassy so we had showers and got dressed up to go to an evening of cinema.

Before we headed off one of my friends wanted to see Chico scream on last time because she didn’t know when she would get to see him again. I wasn’t really wanting to do it again as we had spent most of the morning doing it but she persuaded me:

But, this time he’d had enough. He would no longer resort to just screaming…

And that is how there was no going to the cinema because we had to wash all the poop out of my friend’s mouth and hair.

IMPORTANT UPDATE!

I so should have gotten a pig for Chico!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_sfnQDr1-o?fs=1]

Greedy Expectation = Disappointing Reality

Marsy ~ Giddy Fingers — Fri, 05 Nov 2010 19:50:00 +0000

Today I went to KFC.

My taste buds had been quivering all day with the anticipation of wrapping themselves around a juicy-deep-fried chicken thigh. However as I walked towards KFC I was distracted by a brand new backlit poster of a Spicy Caesar Roller:

I ran inside and quickly ordered one, because I’m adventurous that way. I decided that getting my usual chicken thigh pieces was so yesterday so went for something a little more… risqué.

My hopes have hardly been higher, so you can imagine my disappointment as I unfolded the greasy wrapper to uncover a hopelessly tiny, squashed roller. I stared hungrily at what was supposed to be an amazing, mouth exploding lunch then mumbled “You tricked me with your appetizing imagery… you’re nothing like what I imagined you to be.”

The more I looked at it the more agitated I became so I took a bite, “I’ll still eat you, but I’d like you to know I’m not a happy bunny.”

As I chewed on my lifeless, rubbery roller I glared back at the backlit poster which had originally caused all the excitement, this was no amazing spicy caesar roller, this was a stale, limp bit of wrap with two tasteless balls of chicken and a smidgeon of caesar sauce. There was no point pretending I was enjoying my lunch, because I wasn’t.

So I’d just like to say…

And I’m keeping my fingers crossed that I don’t forget about this so I’m not tempted again by the next fancy chicken/beef/potato thingy that comes out. But knowing me I probably will forget and once again will be lured by the sneaky powers of sizzling greasy goodness I mean badness.

Keywords, Dog Videos, A German Pumpkin and wishing I was in Miami

Marsy ~ Giddy Fingers — Mon, 25 Oct 2010 16:08:00 +0000

According to StatCounter, it is very important to see what keywords people are using on Google to find your blog or website, so I am proud to see these strange online searches brought people to my blog:

I just Googled ‘what does Craig David all over your boink mean’ too because for a long time now I have also wanted to know, however I am left feeling sad and disappointed because there are no answers. The only thing I do know is that Craig David left the UK to go pimp it out in Miami. I wonder if he wrote this new song?

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=juYSqSicV_U?fs=1]

No it wasn’t him, but it so should have been.

I’d like to be in Miami right about now as it’s -3 degrees here in London and I’m freezing my little white butt off. I know, I’ll just shine my desk lamp right in my face (to pretend it’s sunshine), eat a whole bar of chocolate and watch videos of stupid dogs attacking their own tails because it’s these little things that will get me through the winter months…

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UqSrlLCGK0g?fs=1]

And before I head off to hide in my duvet cocoon to watch endless hours of trashy Sunday TV, I would like to thank my dear friends for making me this special pumpkin the other night: