At a recent event, someone I hadn’t met before came up to me and asked me for advice on how to network. I was flattered that the person asked me.  At the same time, I was puzzled. I asked him why he wanted my advice.  He mentioned that he noticed how easy it seemed for me to meet people and start a conversation. He also mentioned that I looked calm, relaxed and sincerely interested in the person I was speaking with. That last comment really caught my attention and it’s something I hear often.

Have you ever had a conversation with someone and could tell they really weren’t interested in anything you had to say? They might of even come up to you first, introduced themselves, and started the conversation. Unfortunately, I’ve experienced that very scenario far too often.

The person who asked me about networking advice apparently didn’t understand one key thing. In order to best network with others, one needs to sincerely be interested in the other person. This point is so important, I feel I need to say it one more time. In order to best network with others, you must sincerely be interested in the person you’re networking with.  Believe me, most people can tell when someone is genuinely interested in them or not.

After his comment, I immediately wanted to say, “Of course I’m interested in the person I’m speaking with!”…but I didn’t. What I did do was ask him why he wanted to get advice on networking. He told me he wanted to get to know people and at the same time have people get to know him. He told me he felt uncomfortable going up to someone and introducing himself. I mentioned that’s a fair feeling to have. Especially if you’re not use to networking. A way to get over that feeling of discomfort is to simply start doing it. Going up to people and introducing yourself. However, it’s useful to  remember a few important points:

1. Be Yourself – First and foremost. Don’t try to be something you don’t believe you are. I’ve always liked being informal and in most networking scenarios, being informal is the way to go. Remember, people who you want to network with will want to know the real you! Usually people like you and will want to do business with you because of who you are. One thing I see that really helps a lot of people in networking, including myself, is choosing to have an outgoing and friendly attitude. People don’t always remember what you say, but they will very likely remember how you made them feel.
2. Breathe – Before networking with someone, if you need to, it’s OK to take a slow deep breath and then a slow exhale.  More than once if you want. It will help you relax before you join a conversation or start a conversation with people you don’t know.
3. Know Your Audience / Know Where You Are – The reason I say this is because there are many different types of environments where it’s great to network with others. Networking at a conference for example, at a party with neighbors, or at a function for work. Many environments are formal, while others are very informal. An example of a formal environment may be at a business gala during the reception portion of the event, while an informal environment may be a sporting event. You don’t want to network at a party with neighbors the same way you would network at a conference representing your company or service.
4. Look People in the Eye – When speaking with someone, remember to look them in the eye when they are speaking to you. Its considered polite. Not looking someone in the eye when they are speaking to you makes it look as though you’re not really interested in them. At the same time, not looking someone in the eyes when you are speaking to them makes it appear as though you are not being sincere. Quick Note: It’s OK to periodically take a quick glance away from the person because you don’t want to appear as though you’re simply staring at them either.
5. Avoid Getting Tongue-Tied by Preparing a “Brief” Self-Introduction – Having a self-introduction prepared that is clear, interesting, and well delivered is a very helpful tool to have. Especially when starting a conversation with someone you don’t know. How do you do that? The simplest way is to write it down. Prepare what you are going to say to someone when introducing yourself and then practice, practice, practice! The more you practice, the more it will sound natural and unscripted. What you write down will depend upon the nature of the event you’re preparing for. Regardless of what you write down or the type of event it is for, what you say about yourself shouldn’t take any longer than 8 to 10 seconds.
6. It’s OK to Ask Questions – When you are talking with a person you just met at a networking event, feel free to ask questions to help keep the conversation going. In my experience, I’ve found that I really enjoy learning about other people (and many people sincerely enjoy talking about themselves). When I meet someone I pay attention to what they say in order to learn something about them. For example, if a person works for a particular company, a question I always ask is, “How long have you worked with XYZ Corporation?” (Instead of XYZ Corporation, use the company they’re associated with.) Many times the next question I ask after that is, “How do you like working for them?” At that point I’ve gotten the conversation going with them and often, they are more than happy to speak about their experiences. You can ask any question you feel is appropriate for the situation (about them or something else).
7. Worried About Rejection? Don’t Be – It happens to everyone. Anyone who says they’ve never been rejected is really only saying that they’ve never tried much! There will be people who don’t respond to your introduction the way you would like. The reason may be completely unrelated to you. If you find yourself in that situation, don’t take it personally. Just move on. Creating and maintaining an outgoing, friendly attitude no matter how someone reacts to you will always make things easier. It also helps to have a sense of humor.
8. Make It a Choice to Have Fun! – As I mentioned earlier, keeping a healthy sense of humor is a key ingredient to networking. Another one is simply to relax. At many networking events, I’ve run into people who are so serious about networking. They treat networking as though it is a necessary evil they need to do. Sometimes a person can be so serious with networking numbers that they alienate the very people they’re attempting to network with. Unfortunately, I’ve seen that happen far too often.

Remember a cardinal rule about networking:

The goal of networking is to establish a lasting working relationship with someone else.

If you find yourself nervous in networking scenarios, know you’re not the only one. Everyone has different levels of experience and expertise when it comes to networking and no one is born being good at networking. No one! The great thing is that everyone gets better at networking the more they do it. The more you practice networking, the more you just may be surprised at how easier it gets!

The post But I Don’t Know How to Network with People! appeared first on Helpful Insights Online .

On a crowded subway platform in Washington D.C., Joshua Bell (a Grammy Award-winning violinist who plays to sold-out crowds in symphonies around the world) pulled out his $3.5 million Stradivarius violin during morning rush hour, and

started playing. Nobody noticed. That’s weird, why would that be? It’s a mental shortcut that we use to determine what’s worth our attention, and based on what people saw (first impression), they assumed Mr. Bell was just an average street performer trying to make a few bucks.

Taking value attribution a step further, the Chameleon Effect superimposes our view on people and things and makes them behave as we expect. This was perfectly demonstrated in an experiment with the Israeli army. In one of its training programs, 105 soldiers were selected to participate in a 15-week commander program.

Commander Training

The program was intense, requiring intense physical training, mental concentration, and 16-hour workdays.  For the experiment, this particular course was going to be different from any of the previous ones. Tel Aviv University psychologist Dr. Dov Eden told the training officers that the army had gathered comprehensive data on each trainee. He told the officers each soldier had been categorized into three categories: high, regular, or unknown (because of insufficient information).

A total of four trainee classes were formed from each category. Eden told the officers to copy each trainee’s CP into their records. It’s important for you to learn your trainees’ names and predicted CPs by the beginning of the course.” The trainees had no idea what was going on. Officers didn’t know that the so-called command potential and supporting data were fake! Scores weren’t based on intelligence, past performance, or ability, they were randomly assigned.

Eden returned after 15 weeks and discovered something amazing. After finishing the course, the soldiers took a test to see how well they knew “standard operating procedures, combat tactics, topography, topography, navigation, and gun firing accuracy.” The test results showed how assigning soldiers to different command potential categories affected their performance.

It turns out that soldiers with high CP scores performed better on the test (scoring an average of 79.98) than their “unknown” and “regular” counterparts (scoring 72.43 and 65.18, respectively). That’s a 22.7% improvement. The soldier’s actual ability improved when he was labeled as having high leadership potential. Remember that neither the trainers nor the trainees had any idea what was going on. As a result, trainees took on the characteristics of the diagnoses officers gave them.

When Dr. Eden told the trainers that the command potential scores were fabricated, they disagreed. To prove their point, they offered up tests that showed high-potential soldiers did better on. This is known as circular logic in psychology. Exit tests confirmed the initial diagnosis; the trainees had simply molded their abilities to their diagnoses. The molding process becomes self-perpetuating. We reinforce and validate the diagnosis when we adopt the characteristics assigned to us. Have you ever seen this? The Chameleon Effect happens when we brand or label someone, making them take on the characteristics of the diagnosis.

In the book, Sway: The Irresistible Pull of Irrational Behavior by Ori Brafman and Rom Brafman, the authors talk about the Chameleon Effect this way:

We’re constantly sending and receiving cues and subtle messages to and from one another — swaying and being swayed, even if our rational brain hasn’t been let in on the secret. As this study illustrates, we can’t help but take on the characteristics others ascribe to us. There’s a hidden dance at work within even the most seemingly straightforward interactions — and in this way, we’re all psychological chameleons.

The Chameleon Effect in the Workplace

This phenomenon is of course by no means limited to the Israeli military. A meta-analysis by psychologists at SUNY Albany found that the same diagnostic effects can be found in the workplace. If you’ve ever worked for a boss who values you, you’ll know what I mean. As people, we have a tendency to rise to meet our own high expectations. However, nothing makes a person feel more inept and demoralized than a supervisor who thinks you don’t have what it takes.

In my own career and life, I have seen the Chameleon Effect both on the sending and receiving ends. If I knew then what I know now, it would have made some tough situations a lot easier.

What are your thoughts on this psychological phenomenon?

Have you ever experienced the Chameleon Effect?

What do you believe we as people need to do about this?

Check out some of the great reads below!

The post Don’t Kid Yourself: Beware of the Chameleon Effect appeared first on Helpful Insights Online .

The Tale of the Inexperienced Waiter

The other day I was watching the show Restaurant Stakeout on the Food Network. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the show, the series follows successful New York City restaurant owner William Jack “Willie” Degel, who goes behind the scenes of different restaurants across the country with hidden cameras to examine their service problems in order to help the owner of the restaurant. During the show, Willie and the restaurant owner saw one particular waiter take personal calls on his cell phone behind one of the counters while a group of four people were waiting at one of his tables. After a few minutes, he stopped talking on the phone and proceeded to wait on the group who were waiting for him to get off his phone. He never smiled while we has taking their orders. In fact, he never smile once throughout the evening. Once he took the group’s order he went back to talking on his cell phone while he walked back towards the kitchen to put in the order slip with the chef.  After a little bit of time had passed, the food was ready in the kitchen for this group of people. Did the waiter go to check on this group’s order? Not immediately, not for a bit actually because he seemed to be in a deep social conversation with the person on the phone. To make matters a little worse for the group waiting for their food, a second group of people came in after they did, gave their order to their waiter (a completely separate waiter) and where already eating their food.

By the time the first waiter got off his phone and went to check on the group’s food, the food was already cold. He proceeded to pick up the food from the kitchen and bring it to the group. One immediately complained that the food was cold and on how long it took to get it. Especially after a group in the table next to them received their food first, even though they entered the restaurant after the first group.

What happened at the end of that encounter was interesting to say the least. When it came time for the group to pay the check, they proceeded to leave a small tip for the waiter that was so preoccupied with his cellphone conversation. When the waiter picked up the money left on the table, he noticed the small tip amount and chased after the group just before they left the restaurant. He “told them” that they forgot to leave him a tip. They of course said they didn’t believe he deserved a tip at all, let alone the tip he got, after the way they were treated throughout the evening. The waiter than said that they, the customers, were being really rude because he works hard to make sure they enjoy their meal and experience at the restaurant.

The waiter never did get any extra tip money out of that encounter and the customers told him that they will never be coming back to this restaurant if this is the way they should expect to be treated while dining here.

Had the waiter been more attentive and more sensible to the experience of his customers, he may have not just received a bigger tip, but he would have helped to ensure that these particular customers would have returned to the restaurant and keep giving him further tips. Maybe if he:

(1)   Made sure that the customer did not wait any longer than they physically needed to prior to taking their dinner order,

(2)   Took time to be attentive to any other need while they were awaiting for their dinner

(3)   Smiled a little

(4)   Even at the very least apologized for the food being cold.

The waiter may have affected the customer experience for the better. Maybe even convincing them to give the restaurant and him another chance to make it up to them.

What are your thoughts on the customer experience?

The post Thinking About the Customer Experience appeared first on Helpful Insights Online .

Gone are the days where simply an office title or a person’s apparent status in a group is enough to help them influence others in order to successfully accomplish a project or some other goal. Whether it is in a private company or as a volunteer leader for a community, without the commodity of trust in their leadership repertoire, a person who “believes they can accomplish great things” may be heading for a huge fall when they least expect it.

Trust can be one of the most powerful drivers for a person.

Trust has been defined as “a firm belief in the reliability, truth capabilities or strength of a person or something.” (Merriam-Webster dictionary). Simply put, trust means confidence. The opposite of trust — distrust — means suspicion.

The late Steve Jobs of Apple fame was known as a hard boss to work for because he could be quite demanding. When Apple was developing the Apple II, one of the things he wanted the new computer to have was for it to occupy less space on a person’s desk than any other computer. At the time, a computer took up a large amount of desk or table space. During a meeting with a group of Apple’s engineers, Steve Jobs brought with him a copy of the local Yellow Pages phone book. He plopped it down on the meeting table and said, “I want the next computer we release to take up no more room on a table than this phone book.” The engineers were flabbergasted and started letting him know that it couldn’t be done. The components didn’t exist for creating a computer so small, nothing even close had ever been done like that before, it would many years to develop such a small computer. Steve Jobs gave them a cut throat timeline and walked out of the meeting without reneging on his desire to have a computer with such a small desk footprint.  As he walked out of the meeting, not allowing them to debate with him much on the “impossibility of having such a small computer,” he said that “he believed in them.” The result, they were able to create a computer with a smaller desk space footprint within the time Steve Jobs asked for.

Traditional Business Formula vs. Today’s Business Reality

Have you ever worked for someone who you simply couldn’t fully trust? OK…that is a loaded question because I’m sure we all have at some point or another experienced it. Working for someone who gave you reasons for you not to trust him/her. You may even have had such an experience more than a few times over your career.

An acquaintance of mine has been working for a new supervisor for the past 6 months and their appears to be a trust issue within the team he is currently working with.  He tells me how his current supervisor doesn’t appear to be so open with either sharing information about what is going on within the company or about trusting her staff to give their insights on things that they were hired to know about. It turns out my colleague’s supervisor has a habit of making virtually all decisions without consulting with her leadership team first. Sometimes, the decision appears questionable to his staff. But rather than asking her leadership team to give their feedback, she explains how the decision was made and why it had to be decided upon. This apparently happens every time between her and her leadership team forcing many of her direct reports to question the purpose of being on her team. You have to wonder how much this lack of trust is costing this team leader and the company they are all working for.

When I got my MBA, one of the main formulas I learned for creating results in business was:

Strategy x Execution = Results 

This formula appears fairly straight forward doesn’t it? There is however a hidden variable in this formula that will make or break it. That hidden variable is “trust.” So the full formula is really:

Strategy x Execution (x Trust) = Results

Stephen M.R. Covey wrote in his book “The Speed of Trust” that when trust is high it equals high speed and low cost to accomplish things. At the same time, when trust is low, it equals low speed and high cost for accomplishing things. A company with an excellent strategy and a solid ability to execute can have all possible results blown out of the water by a “low trust environment.”  Remember what I said earlier:

Trust means confidence. The opposite of trust — distrust — means suspicion

Imagine how much more a company can accomplish and outperform its competitors by creating and maintaining a high trust environment!

Some Great Articles about Trust and Business:

• Trust Me – Companies spend a lot of time focusing on ethical behavior. But that’s not where the crisis is. (WSJ)
• The Keys to Building Trust (Stever Robbins, Inc.)
• Trust: The Currency Of Leadership (Forbes)
• Trust in Business: The Core Concepts
• The Five Best Ways to Build – and Lose – Trust in the Workplace (by Dave Bowman, TTG Consultants)

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