Girlfriend Gab

Words Do Not Fall On Deaf Ears

2013-04-20T09:40:00.000-07:00

Many women, admittedly me at times as well, have the habit of braiding their men with requests or even demands. These women are convinced that their men are not listening to them, which only perpetuated the nagging.

The most effective way to ask a man for something you need is to be clear and concise and, most importantly, to only to say it ONCE. Your man IS listening to you when you are asking for something because he WANTS to make you happy. Because, lets face it girls, your man is really only truly happy if you are happy (this will be a full post for another day).

About a week ago I asked Zee to start to stand up for me in a general sense You see, Zee is a very kind man and wants to make everyone happy, so he often avoids confrontations and sweeps things under the rug if ever anyone is disrespectful towards me. I really did not think he would understand and actually carry through with the request. Honestly, I did not even think he was listening.

Since then, I have seen him stand up for me to his friends. Maybe in the past, I would not believe that he did stand up for me as fully as I would have wanted or expected him to, but I think the most important thing in a relationship is knowing, appreciating, and loving the other person for who they are. Zee stood up for me in his own, special way by using his actions.

Many times, when people ask for something, they expect it to be done in perfect performance, but what we really should be doing is adopting the common contract law and looking for substantial performance. Expecting your partner to do something in the exact manor you expect could be one of relationships biggest mistakes.

I am so, well... proud, that I love the person my partner is and that I appreciate him for him. He may not be perfect and he may not do everything to my liking, but if he is making a valiant effort to stand up for me, even if it is his own way, I am so incredibly honored.

Also, men regard their actions to be more accurate to how their feel and where their loyalties lie, than words do. This is how men can promise you something until they are blue in the face and then go and do the exact opposite. It is important to watch your man's actions, for that is where the real truth lies.

May be a cliche, but it is still true

I feel like I digressed a bit in this post because the one takeaway is that your man IS listening to you. You do not need to repeat yourself as much as you think. In fact, the more that you repeat yourself the more your man will rely on you to repeat what you had just said, so he knows that he does not have to be listening to you all the time.

So just say things once. If you want him to clean up his mess in the kitchen, ask him once. If he does not do it, leave the mess there. He will eventually either clean it up, or ask you why it is not clean, and then you can reply in a kind, but matter-of fact way, that you asked him to clean it up, so it is his job. If you ask him to hold your hand more, give him the time to carry through with it and the next time he holds your hand, let him know how grateful you are. Acknowledged his responsiveness. The more you acknowledged his efforts and praise him for it, the more it will reinforce his desire to do more things to make you happy.

The King and Queen and their Advisers

2013-04-15T21:11:00.000-07:00

Just when I start to truly realize that my boyfriend...let's give this fella a name... how about Zee?... okay, so, just when I start to truly realize that Zee loves me and is dedicated to me, and just when I decide that I am tired of the fighting, another huge roadblock arises!

All of my past bickering, nagging, and drama that has manifested from my insecurities has made a definite impact. I have dug myself deep in a hole, with no one eager to give me a hand to help me out. All of my friends and all of his friends have it in their minds that we are the "drama" couple. Unfortunately, they have only ever seen the bad moments and have heard the complaining.

There is nothing more disheartening that just when you are about to really improve, you are dragged down by people being stuck in a mindset of your faults. Going up against negative energies is never an easy thing, especially if you were the one who set forth those negative energies in the first place.

The only way out of this is to rely on myself to fix this. I plan on only talking about the good when it comes to Zee. If we are fighting, no one needs to be informed of it. I also know that I need to stop instigating fights. I now know exactly what Zee needs and exactly what Zee is set off by.

However, my ego has been tended to and my insecurities have been whittled away because of my realization of Zee's dedication to me. I saw him stand up for me today, and this past weekend especially I have started to believe that he really is going to stick around because he values me and what we have above most anything else.

I have gotten to this point before in my past relationships the point where the guy is so bound to you and so dedicated to making you happy that he sacrifices anything necessary to ensure your comfort. In the past, I abused this power and I drove my amazing men into the ground by piling demand after demand upon their shoulders.

With this new found power, for once, I am going to wield it for good. Yes, I may feed my ego with it from time to time and I know it will keep my insecurities in check, but I plan on not taking advantage of it. I plan on resting on the fact that he will do just about anything for my happiness and just knowing that being good enough, and encouraging him to do things that make primarily make him happy (like taking time for himself and his hobbies).

Nothing is more gratifying and terrifying as true power. I can either let this power get to my head, or I can use it to bring good into the world. I choose the latter.

The only one who can give this much power is a king, and I have said all along that Zee is my King. Recently, he has been saying that I am his Queen. It's funny, but it really feels like that; we are one united power.

Queen Gab and Prince Zee

No Light, No Light- The Victim Becomes the Villain

2013-04-15T18:16:00.003-07:00

I have always been the victim in my relationships, and just recently, I have experienced what it feels like to be the villain. I have always felt such hurt and pain caused by my significant other’s actions, but I have never before experience being the one who is inflicting.

I may not have done anything technically wrong, but I had previously done something morally wrong. Even though, at the time, I was certain that I would never be with my boyfriend (ex at the time) again, I still compromised my values.

I was able to push the situation to the back of my mind for a very long time, which made it seem like it never even happened. Now that it has come to light, my boyfriend is so incredibly hurt. He is hurt because my past actions contradicted who I am, which has caused him to be confused and, I am sure, he is second guessing his judgment of me.

My actions also contradicted what I have told him all along that it is only him. This was and is still true. My actions were isolated from my feelings for him and only occurred because I was trying to move on. And by move on, I mean forcing myself to move on by making it permanent, doing something that you cannot come back from.

My boyfriend is so courageous in that he is ready to forgive and forget. Like anyone, he hates to feel the uncontrollable pain that results from relationships. He is smart enough to recognize this and to make all efforts to get past this pain.

Because he is so ready to forgive, I feel no need to defend myself. I had my reasons and at the same time, he has done things that have hurt me in the past, but none of this is relevant if he is ready to move on. I also did not have the heart to defend myself because he was so incredibly hurt. He did not vocalize his feeling of betrayal until days later, but instantaneously I could feel his disappointment and confusion when I told him. I knew that I needed do everything I could to make my boyfriend feel better, and defending my actions would only work against that goal.

It is so laborious to try to make someone feel better after you have hurt them. I am so weighed down with knowing I have caused someone I love pain that I cannot find a clear path to make him feel better. I just want it to be an instant fix, but I know it could possibly take months to fully heal his wound.

I am just so afraid that from now on he will see me in a new and less flattering light. Before, I felt that he saw me as inspiring, someone who is so dedicated and passionate about a single person. I could feel him living up to the image I portrayed. Now that he knows that I am not as admirable as he thought, I am afraid he will no longer go that extra mile in our relationship.

It is up to me to give him more leeway in situations where I get jealous. I must to win his trust back.

This song perfectly portrays how I have been feeling about this situation:

"Heaven help me, I need to make it right"

What Happens After the Princess Gets Her Prince In All Of Those Disney Movies?

2013-04-10T19:55:00.001-07:00

The ever-old question of, what happens after "and they lived happily ever after" is what ever girl will have to face once they are in a relationship.

What happens when you are valiantly pursuing the man of your dreams for years, you finally get him? I never asked myself this question and I am sure many girls have not either.

I was so caught up in the chase, knowing damn well that he did not love me and had no intentions of loving me. I bypassed the signs of coy rejection, I dismissed any notion of indifference, and I persisted, trying to be the "perfect" girl I thought he wanted. I was his doormat, I put up with his shit, I asked for nothing in return, I was always available to him and willing to please.

Not until I was so defeated and exhausted by my masquerading did I become myself and did he truly start to fall for me. Imagine that girls, just being my awkward, strange, quirky self has caused someone to love me! Four months later, I was his girlfriend! I never really believed I would ever be his girlfriend, and still to this day, two months after the fact, I have a hard time accepting it.

So, back to my questions: now what!?

I do not mean this in the way that now that my chase is over, I'm bored. I mean it as in, what do I do when I have a relationship that is just... good! No drama, no lying, no going behind my back, no other girls, none of that is an issue anymore (except for a very too eager ex girlfriend of his, of which I still blow out of proportion). He gives me all of him: his time, energy, attention, affection. I literally have nothing to complain about, and yet I find things to complain about.

So this is my #firstworldstruggles: trying to allow myself to truly accept and enjoy a healthy and loving relationship.

In future posts, I will allow my female mind to ramble and gabble about things that are caused by my insecurities, and I will analyse theses thoughts in the effort to transform them into positive thoughts.

I finally got the dream guy; now it is time to foster our relationship.