[NOTE: I started a podcast back in December. I’m now introducing it to Substack, in the form of both a podcast AND articles. This one is from the third podcast episode, published originally on YouTube, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts and now also imported to Substack. Enjoy!]

So today I’m going to be talking about how to survive unemployment.

If you know me, you probably know that I was actually laid off back in September. A little bit of the story behind that: I was on vacation with my husband, we were in Greece. It was the first full day of our vacation. In the morning we were just still chilling at the hotel, my husband was outside reading, and I got this phone call from my boss. It was a little weird that he would call me while I’m on vacation. At first I didn’t answer, but I sent him a text message like, hey, did you just try to call me? Because you never know, it could have been an accident.

And he’s like, yeah, can you give me a call back?

So I did, and come to find out, I was among thousands of people laid off from my company. My last day was about three weeks after that. I got some severance, but I got laid off, and that was back in September. It’s December now and I’m still dealing with that.

I work in IT, information technology, and a lot of people have been getting laid off lately. Also, a lot of people have been working remotely more than they used to. I’ve been working remotely since 2016. And now with all the people wanting remote jobs, it’s harder to compete because you’re up against people from all over the country as opposed to just your own locality. So yeah, it’s been hard.

I wanted to talk about it today because I know I’m not the only one going through it. It’s a struggle for me, so I’m sure it’s a struggle for other people. There are things about it that I didn’t expect or didn’t prepare for, and I thought I would talk about that a little bit. How to survive when you’re dealing with that.

Now, I’m not really going to talk about how to find a new job, because I haven’t quite figured that out yet myself, obviously. I’m more just going to talk about how to mentally deal with it, because it’s difficult. It’s not something you were prepared for or expecting, and it affects your finances, it affects your mental health.

When I lost my job, I was on vacation, so it was an odd time, but it also helped keep me from really having to think about it for almost two weeks. It was my first full day of vacation, so I still had almost two more weeks left. I kind of just put it off, tried not to think about it, and decided to enjoy my vacation. And I did. We went to a few different countries in Europe and we enjoyed ourselves despite the bad news.

Thinking back to when I first found out, I thought I would just find a new job pretty quickly. I was working for a large company and I thought, surely there are other positions, my knowledge about the company has to mean something, I can get another position there. But that has not happened, sadly.

I’ve gone through different feelings about all of this. Started off on vacation not really thinking about it, came back, expected to hopefully find something rather quickly. That did not happen. And now here I am three months later and I still haven’t found anything. So I’m having to come up with new mental thought patterns about this.

It’s taken me through a kind of roller coaster of ups and downs. A mix of feelings like panic, freedom because you have all this free time now, shame because you haven’t found anything yet, feeling like you’re maybe not qualified, and just kind of what now?

There’s also a weird loss of routine. Time is different. What surprised me is that I almost never know what day it is, because every day is like, is it Friday, is it Saturday, is it Monday? The days are all the same because I don’t have meetings and things going on to structure them by anymore.

And there’s just a lot of pressure to get a job, to figure your life out, to figure out what you’re going to do next.

What no one tells you about losing your job

One thing I legitimately did not expect is that I felt like I was mourning the loss of my job. I was proud of getting it. I hadn’t known anybody at the company prior, so networking didn’t help me get it. It was just something where I had applied, somebody saw my resume and thought, hey, she looks like she’d be good for this. I was proud of that. And I liked my job and I liked the people I worked with. So I was sad. I’m still sad. I kind of want that same job back. I really liked it.

You mourn the loss of something you didn’t know you were going to lose. That’s just something nobody really tells you, or that I at least did not expect.

The free time that you have doesn’t feel free, because you feel like you should be spending all of your time looking for another job. And if you’re not doing that, you feel like you’re slacking off. But you’re not. I mean, you were spending 40 hours a week working. Why should you be spending any more than that just looking for jobs? That’s a lot of time to spend, eight hours a day. You don’t have to spend all of your time doing that. There’s only so many jobs you can apply for in a day, and mentally and physically, you will need a break. You don’t hear from jobs immediately, even if you do get an interview or a job offer. So don’t feel guilty for not spending all of your newly found free time applying, because it’s just not mentally or physically possible for anybody to do that.

Also, everybody has some advice. And that’s okay, because a lot of people have been in this position before and they want to help. I mean, here I am giving advice. I’m not so much giving advice on how to get a job, just how to get through it, because I’m still dealing with it.

Another thing you don’t think about is that you start doubting your worth.

At first when I started applying, I thought, okay, this is cool, there are actually a lot of jobs out there that I’m qualified for. I was seeing a lot of postings. I still do. I’d look at them and think, I could do that. Looking at my resume, I have the qualifications. And then to not hear back...

I know there are applicant tracking systems, ATS. Companies get so many applicants that they have AI or automated systems sifting through resumes looking for keywords, degrees, skills. And if your resume doesn’t hit that particular sweet spot, you just get thrown in the trash immediately. I’ve definitely experienced that. I’ve seen rejections come through pretty fast. I have not found that sweet spot, because apparently my resume just doesn’t hit it, even though to me it looks like it should. And so you start doubting. Am I really qualified? Why don’t they think I am when I look at the description and think that I am?

It’s very frustrating and very discouraging. But you’re definitely not alone. To me, it honestly feels like I’m playing the lottery. I’ve applied for so many jobs and it feels like I’m just paying for lottery tickets. I’m just a number out there waiting to be called. And it’s discouraging and frustrating because it shouldn’t be that. I’m willing to work hard and I have skills and it’s not getting recognized.

What has actually helped me

Okay, this is what I’d really rather talk about.

On the days when I’ve been able to plan, when I’ve made a plan for the day, things are better. Don’t spend your entire day just applying for jobs. You can only do so much, and applying for a ton of jobs is only going to get you so far because you don’t know where that job is going to come up. I feel like it’s better to protect your mental health so that when you do get that interview, when you do get that job, you’re in the right mindset to start it. Plan your days and give yourself some structure.

Look at tiny things, tiny successes, tiny goals. If you got up and applied for 10 jobs in a day, or even if you only applied for three but you sat down and spent time on your resume and learned about the company and the position, consider it a success. You can only get better at this. Another small goal you can set is to go learn something new. Take an online course, there’s lots of free knowledge out there. Spend some time on something that can help you in your next job, whatever that is.

Also, talk to people. This is a subject most people relate to. Most people have been through this at some point or something similar. It’s hard for me because I’ve been working from home and I’ve let myself get into a space where I spend a lot of my time at home and don’t always get out there. I’m an introvert. But it’s good for me to do that, to have that socialness and be around people more.

Definitely give yourself permission to rest. Applying for jobs is mentally taxing. It’s like a full-time job itself, and you have to give yourself permission to rest without feeling guilty, because everybody needs rest no matter what they’re doing.

And don’t tie your worth or your value to what you’re hearing back. I don’t know, and I’m assuming you don’t either, exactly what these automated systems are looking for when you apply for a job. You don’t know who’s looking at your resume or what they’re looking for exactly. You would hope it’s what’s in the job description, but anybody can copy and paste a job description into their resume. Do what you can.

If you’re trying to get some extra money, there are a lot of small odd jobs out there. I have a friend I’ve made locally who hosts trivia at bars and restaurants and I’ve been helping him out. He’s gotten so many gigs lately that he can’t do them all himself. I’ve gotten a little cash from it, it’s gotten me out of the house, and it’s gotten me to socialize. Little things like that. Sign up to be a DoorDash driver, drive for Uber, pet sit, house sit. There are lots of little things you could do to earn a little money. It’s not like having a full-time corporate job, but it still helps, and it will make you feel like you’re actually doing something worthwhile.

Also, when you’re feeling bad about not applying enough or not feeling productive, just recognize that the guilt is normal. We all feel that. It’s a valid feeling. You don’t have to feel guilty, but just know that it is normal to feel it.

The unexpected silver lining

I know this sounds crazy, but there are some cool things about being unemployed.

It gives you some space and time to think back about your job and your career and what you really want. You learn things that you don’t learn when you’re actively in a job, because when you are in one, that job can become such a huge part of your identity that you forget who you really are. Your job is not you. It is what you do. It is only one of the things that you do. It’s easy to get sucked into a full-time job that becomes your identity. Having this time, being forced to not be actively working, gives you some time to find yourself again.

What I’ve personally been learning through this is that corporate life is something I’ve never minded. I’ve enjoyed working for big companies. I like telling people where I work and having them recognize it. But between getting laid off and having such a hard time finding another job, it’s like, what are we even doing? You’re just a number to these companies. There’s no loyalty. You can have been at a company for 25 years. My mentor at my company, she was laid off the month before I was. 25 years, and just like that, it was gone.

Work hard for yourself. Be ethical. Be a good worker. But don’t make it your whole personality or your whole life, because in the end, these companies have no loyalty to you. Once you leave, it’s not that big of a deal to them anymore. And you could be the most talented person in the world and easily not make it through the resume scanners. Devote what time and energy you think you should to your job, and keep in mind that they may not feel the same way about you.

One other thing this has made me think about: everybody talks about using AI now, and recruiters and companies are using AI to sort through resumes, while people are using AI to help make their resumes look good and get noticed. It’s this one big crazy circle. And yes, AI can do a lot. It is a useful tool. But to me, it is just that, a tool for humans to use. It cannot replace humans. There is something about a person that has feelings and emotions and puts their effort into things. Machines are not perfect, AI is not perfect, and AI cannot apply emotion to a task. So it can never fully replace human beings.

I use AI pretty much every day. I use it to help me with tasks. But I use it as a tool. I don’t use it to replace anything, I don’t use it to replace people. I see it as powerful, but I don’t see it as something that’s really going to replace people. We’re still going to need people.

Ultimately

All you can do is your best. Even if you’re not getting paid, find some kind of purpose. It’s easy to get sucked into that guilt and that feeling of not being worthy or useful. Find something. For me, one of those things has been this podcast. I’ve enjoyed talking and creating these episodes and I hope to continue it.

It’s also been useful to spend time with friends and go out and do things like host trivia and make a little extra money here and there. Just things that have a goal, a purpose, so that what I’m doing feels worthwhile.

And a few small practical things that can add up: file for unemployment. It’s not a lot of money, but it can help keep you going while you look. Unemployment offices even have tools that can help you with your resume. Go out and network, talk to people. You never know when you’re going to find someone who works somewhere that needs to hire somebody and you’re the perfect fit. Take on small freelance work. Can you create a website? Help somebody with video editing? Your skills are useful and it’ll maybe bring in some extra money, but it will also help you feel useful. And savings, I know nobody wants to dip into them, but ultimately that’s what we save for. Things that are emergencies, things that are unexpected. That’s what this is. So don’t feel bad if you have to do that.

Unemployment sucks. But it doesn’t define you. Your job is not your identity. It is only a part of you, one of the many things you do as a human being. You’re still you, even without a job. You’re allowed to feel lost and not know what’s next, and you’re still an amazing person. I know that sounds cheesy and cliche, but it’s something to remember because this is not an easy thing to deal with.

If you’re going through this, I get it. You’re not alone. You’re not failing.

If you’re dealing with unemployment or struggling to find a job and want to commiserate or share your experiences, reach out. I want to hear from you. Send me an email at sheryl@girlvsplanet.com.

[NOTE: I started a podcast back in December. I’m now introducing it to Substack, in the form of both a podcast AND articles. This one is from the third podcast episode, published originally on YouTube, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts and now also imported to Substack. Enjoy!]

I don’t even know what got me on this kick, but I’ve been watching and listening to things related to cults lately.

I think I saw a clip on Instagram. You know how you’re scrolling and you come across something, some random TV show or movie clip, and sometimes they don’t even tell you what it’s from? I came across a clip that turned out to be from the season of American Horror Story called Cult. I think I’ve only watched maybe one season of American Horror Story before, so this Cult season sounded interesting and I thought I’d give it another shot.

If you’re not familiar with American Horror Story, it’s an anthology, which means each season can kind of stand alone. You don’t have to have seen previous seasons to get what’s going on. So I started watching Cult and it kind of sucked me in. It was weird, but relevant.

Let me provide a disclaimer here at the very beginning because I don’t want to offend anyone. That’s not my intention. And I don’t really want to swing to one side or the other of the political spectrum, but I am going to talk about some things related to politics today. Just to give an idea of where I’m coming from: I am pretty much a Democrat and pretty liberal. I’m not a fan of Trump. But I do have friends and family that are fans of his and they voted for him, and that’s everybody’s choice. So I’m not going to get into politics as far as my political leanings. That’s not what I want to talk about.

Going back to American Horror Story, this season called Cult starts with the 2016 US presidential election and talks about people’s reactions to it. It’s all purely fictional, maybe somewhat based in the general reality of how people reacted, but that’s where the story starts. It takes into account people from both sides of the political spectrum, gives you views and characters from both sides.

There is one guy who decides to run for city council, and he gets people to believe in him and to do things because they are frustrated with the election, frustrated with how things are, just frustrated and not happy with things happening in their lives. They meet him, he talks to them, they’re seeking connection. He kind of gets this group of people together and gets them to do things to help get him elected, and some of these things are just really not good things.

It’s very intense. It’s scary because it is American Horror Story, but not in your typical horror movie type of way. I don’t want to give too much away because I would rather you go out and watch it. I’m actually not finished with the season yet, I’ve got about two more episodes, but it’s interesting.

So I started watching that, and then for whatever reason, I also started listening to more podcasts. I’ve been listening to more as well, partly because I’m hosting a podcast. I came across one called Allison After NXIVM. And if you’re not familiar, there was a so-called cult called NXIVM, spelled N-X-I-V-M, that happened a few years back. Got some celebrities involved in it and there was some really crazy stuff that went on. Sexual things, lots of things happened, and a big thing that came out of it was that people were branded on their bodies. Just some crazy stuff.

The leader of NXIVM, Keith Raniere, was arrested, and so were some other people, including celebrities that were involved, one of them being Allison Mack, who was an actress on the show Smallville. The podcast is about talking to her after she’s gotten out of jail for her involvement with NXIVM, and kind of what that experience was like for her and how she’s doing now.

I don’t know why this whole cult thing has sucked me in recently, but that’s just a rabbit hole I’ve apparently gone down without even intending to. It wasn’t like I said, hey, I just want to wake up this morning and listen to a podcast about cults and watch a TV show about cults. I started watching American Horror Story and I didn’t even realize the connection between the two until the other day when I thought about it and realized, these are both about cults. Interesting that somehow this has all sucked me in lately.

One thing that struck me about American Horror Story is that the leader of the so-called cult in the show, his name is Kai, and I just don’t get what it is that sucked people in to this group he’s got. He could maybe be considered charismatic in that he’s able to talk to people, relate to them, and get them to see his point of view. But he’s just kind of got this stringy blue hair that’s dyed and the roots are showing and it just doesn’t look good. It’s not like he’s this great looking dude, which is kind of interesting if you think about it, because that’s apparently not something cult leaders need.

And not that I’m judging people’s looks. I mean, I’m not happy with my own looks either, but whatever, it is what it is. I just don’t see the appeal. You’ve got Trump supporters and Hillary Clinton supporters both in this group, this cult, and I’m just like, why? Why are these people doing these things for Kai? It doesn’t make sense to me.

I guess that kind of goes back to the nature of a cult. I did look up what makes a cult a cult, and there’s something called the BITE model, B-I-T-E. It helps explain the difference between a strong community and something more controlling, with a leader or leaders that are getting people to do things that are not in their best interest.

A quick run through of what the BITE model means:

The B stands for behavior control. That is when a group tries to control your time, your actions, or your lifestyle. This is very evident in both the American Horror Story season and the NXIVM cult. There were people that moved to different locations for NXIVM, did things like the branding, the sex things. All of it was very much controlled by Keith Raniere.

The I is information control, basically limiting outside information, telling you not to listen to critics. That makes sense when you think about a cult. You think about people outside of it seeing their friends and family getting involved and thinking, hey, this is not right. The people involved are hearing that, but they’re not listening because they’re so deep in it that they don’t see the harm being caused.

The T is thought control, shaping how you think or framing things in black and white with no gray areas. It’s 100% right or 100% wrong. Very evident in these examples too.

And then the E is emotion control, using guilt or shame to keep people in line. In the NXIVM cult, they found out secrets about people and took pictures they could use against them to keep them afraid, keep them ashamed, and keep them following the cult instead of acting in their own best interest.

Looking at that model, you can see how a community of people could start as a real community and then also have the controlling aspect creep in and become a cult.

A couple of other examples of cults, or not a cult. I was involved in a life coaching kind of community several years ago, back when I lived in Indiana, called Beyond Your Best. I don’t think it was a cult. I would not say that at all, honestly. But I did some research while I was involved in it, and you could go online and find people whose family members were involved in it, and those family members or friends had gotten so involved that it seemed to be changing who they were. Their friends and family thought they were in a cult.

Looking at that, I would say there were some people who got very involved because they really liked how it was helping them in their lives, and they tried to get other people involved. They just got so intensely into it that that’s why their friends and family thought it was a cult. It didn’t do that for me. It was helpful. It was beneficial. I liked the community. I still have friends from that community. To me, it wasn’t a cult because it didn’t change my life in that aspect, and I didn’t feel like I was being controlled. It was just helpful knowledge, helpful experiences, and a helpful community.

But it was interesting to go online and read that people did think it was a cult. I think it comes down to the fact that you never see somebody else’s experience, you only see your own. So the people that are in a cult, to them, it might just feel helpful. They don’t see the harm that it’s causing.

It also got me thinking about something else. Going back to American Horror Story, going back to the fact that it started with the 2016 presidential election where Trump was first elected. There are people that would consider Trump supporters a cult. And if you look at it a certain way, religions could be considered a cult. They control what people think and do, they change people’s lives that way. I’m not saying any particular religion is a cult. I’m not religious anymore, I used to be, I grew up in it. I knew some really great people that were very religious and I love those people. It’s just something to think about, honestly.

I hope I’m not getting too controversial. I’m honestly just having the conversation and opening this discussion up. My goal is not to offend. I’m not saying anything against religion. I’m not saying anything against people that voted for Trump. That’s where I’m at. I’m not religious and I am not a fan of Trump, but I think this whole cult thing is just interesting.

It’s interesting to see things that have been realized as a cult later on, after the harm has been done. NXIVM, Heaven’s Gate, and in American Horror Story a fictionalized version of that same idea. You don’t see the harm until afterwards.

I guess I’m kind of bringing this back to what I talked about last episode, which was connection with people, and the community we all crave. A lot of us join things because we want that connection. Even if there are people in a group who aren’t like you, having this community, having this one thing in common, being part of this group together, can bring you that connection.

And it’s when you get to that point of there being one person or a group of people that are changing you and controlling you and getting you to think things you wouldn’t think on your own, especially when those things go against your morals and your values, like they do in American Horror Story, that’s when it becomes something else.

Most of us join things because we want to belong, we want to be a part of something. And that can be a great thing because we all need that in our lives. But I think the line between community and control can be thinner than you think.

Where I’m coming from with this is that I think it’s best for us all to be curious, to be open-minded. One thing I think I’ve gotten out of the Allison after NXIVM podcast is that once you hear her side of the story, it’s easy to see how someone looking for community could get sucked into something that is not good for them, because we all crave that connection.

Don’t necessarily judge other people for getting into a bad situation, because we’re all here together just trying to do our best. We all see things differently, and we’re all just looking for something to be a part of. The more I watched American Horror Story and listened to this NXIVM podcast, the more it reminded me to not judge other people for getting pulled into groups like this. It makes sense. We’re all looking for meaning and connection and a place to feel like we belong.

Instead of standing here being like, “how could they fall for that?”, I think it’s best to just ask, well, what were they looking for? What were they hoping to find? And stay curious. That feels much more kind and honest.

If you’ve seen Ted Lasso, which I’m a huge fan of, one of my favorite lines that Ted says is to be curious, not judgmental, because you never know what you’re going to go through in your life. You’re going to make stupid mistakes, you’re going to do things that aren’t good for you or for your family and friends. We all do. I really like that line, be curious and not judgmental, and I think it’s something good to exercise in this case.

So we went down a rabbit hole today talking about cults. Watching American Horror Story, listening to Allison after NXIVM, and just thinking about groups we can get pulled into that could turn from a really good community into something not so helpful and potentially dangerous. I think it’s just best to not judge one another and to do your best to make the right decisions.

Is there an experience you’d like to share? A cult that you or someone you know has been involved in, or something you thought could have been a cult that maybe turned out it really wasn’t? Send me an email at sheryl@girlvsplanet.com. Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you next time.

[NOTE: I started a podcast back in December. I’m now introducing it to Substack, in the form of both a podcast AND articles. This one is from the second podcast episode, published originally on YouTube, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts and now also imported to Substack. Enjoy!]

Welcome back to episode two of girl vs life. I’m obviously not very far into this whole podcasting thing yet, but I’m giving it a shot.

This week’s been good. I’m excited about the podcast and hoping it becomes a solid creative outlet. I’m still unemployed from my full-time job, which isn’t ideal, but I’m continuing to plug away at the job search. In the meantime, this is giving me something to do and feel productive about.

Thanksgiving Sliders and Small Gatherings

It’s the first week of December now. Thanksgiving wasn’t that long ago. I didn’t do too much for it. My husband had to work until evening, so I had a friend over to help me cook. We made this really good recipe for Thanksgiving sliders I found on TikTok. Basically Hawaiian rolls with brie cheese, cranberry sauce, turkey, and stuffing. They turned out really well.

I wasn’t about to cook a whole big turkey, but I found a frozen three-pound turkey breast at Walmart with no bones. You just pop it in the oven for a couple hours. It was perfect for the sliders and also great on its own as Thanksgiving turkey. If you’re only feeding a few people, it’s a good option.

So it was me, my husband, and a friend. We watched Home Alone (my favorite Christmas movie) and had a good day.

December Job Search Reality

December is here, which means Christmas time and holidays. It’s kind of frustrating because I know it’s not likely I’ll get hired around this time of year. End of year, people are on holiday, budgets are tight. Honestly, I don’t expect to find anything until after the first of the year, but I’m still trying.

Finding Inspiration in Transition

Today I want to talk about what’s been inspiring me lately. That’s important to me because I’m in a time of transition. I don’t know what’s happening next with my job and career. I don’t have anything specific scheduled in my days other than looking for jobs. So having something to inspire me and keep me motivated right now matters.

I’m going to start with Instagram, where I spend most of my social media time. One account I follow is called The Every Girl. They have a blog, good articles, nice monthly desktop wallpapers, stuff like that. But I didn’t realize until recently that they have a podcast too.

I looked at their episode topics and thought I’d give it a shot. I’m not usually that into podcasts and it’s hard to find one that continuously holds my attention, but I like having something to listen to while doing other things.

I pulled up one of their recent episodes called “The Number One Thing That Affects Your Health More Than Diet or Exercise.” The gist of it was basically connection with other people.

The podcast was really good. I listened to a couple more episodes. One was about being present and focusing on what you’re doing in the moment. Another was about meal planning and this five, four, three, two method for avoiding cooking burnout.

The fact that she did it as a solo podcast by herself was really cool. It kind of made me want to get back into podcasting again. Honestly, it inspired this, and here we are.

Reconnecting Through Instagram

Something else has been inspiring me lately, going off that same topic of connection. I had this account follow me on Instagram. I’m not a big account, so I don’t get tons of followers. I didn’t recognize who it was at first. Then I realized it’s my friend Tom from Indiana, where I lived about 13 years ago. I used to hang out with him a lot. I was actually in his wedding as a bridesmaid.

His account is Cardio Movie Reviews. I didn’t recognize it at first. This was around Halloween when I was watching horror movies, and that’s what he was posting about too. We seemed to have the same taste in horror movies.

I followed him and reached out. We’ve been going back and forth talking about horror movies, TV shows, books, and Star Wars (we’re both big Star Wars nerds). Now he’s watching Christmas movies. It was just this neat little thing that happened where we reconnected and got this chance to talk again. It made me happy.

He has the account because he watches movies while doing cardio. He’s lost a lot of weight, which is awesome for him. It was good to find common ground and connect with somebody I hadn’t connected with in a while.

Starting a Group Text with My Besties

After listening to that Every Girl podcast about connection, I started thinking about all the group texts I’m in on Instagram. They usually start because I’m planning things with friends. Some have lasted for years.

I thought about the fact that I have two best friends back in Indiana. I was in both of their weddings. One has been my bestie since I was nine years old. The other I’ve known since I was maybe 16. We’ve stayed connected that entire time. I’m 46 now. Every time I go back to Indiana, I see them. I stay with my bestie at her house with her family.

And it made me think, why am I not in a text thread with them? Why don’t I have daily ongoing chats with them? I would love that. So I started one. I’m kind of excited about it. We’ve been talking and it’s been good to reconnect. So hey, Every Girl Podcast, you’ve done your thing.

Why Connection Matters Even More Right Now

Honestly, I hadn’t thought about it until now, but being unemployed after working from home, I don’t have a scheduled way of connecting with people anymore. I was talking to people daily because I had meetings every day, groups I worked with, meetings I led. I don’t have that right now, so connection is even more important. Maybe that’s why it’s on my mind lately.

What to Expect From This Podcast

Obviously, here we are. I started a podcast. I think I’m going to enjoy this because it’s mostly just informal conversation. I’m talking to you as if you were somebody in front of me.

I’ve had my YouTube channel for a while. I keep saying I want to do more with it, but making videos, editing videos, it’s so much work. Oh my gosh, editing is such a pain. If you’ve been a YouTuber, you know this. I think podcasting will be easier.

If you like honest conversation about life, creativity, growth, the things we don’t always say out loud, that’s what I want this show to be. I hope this inspires somebody else or gives you something to think about.

The Thread That Connects It All

All of these things, the podcast, my friend’s cardio movie reviews, the text thread I started, what do they have in common? It all comes back to connection. That was the big topic of that first Every Girl podcast episode I listened to. I’ve really enjoyed these things lately, being able to reconnect with old friends.

I’d encourage you, if there are people you haven’t seen or talked to in a while, just take a minute. Send them a text message. Find ways of connecting with them. We live in an era with so many ways to connect, but I feel like we’re not fully utilizing them to really stay connected because life takes you different ways. For me, a big part of it is geography. I live so far away from where I grew up and where most of the people I know are. But that’s just an excuse.

Why not take advantage of these tools we have?

This podcast is a way for me to connect with people, with the world, with my creativity, and with myself. I’m looking forward to that.

What’s Coming Up

I have some ideas for guests and topics I hope to talk about. Things are constantly popping up that could be good ideas. I’m also open to hearing what you might like to talk about or discuss.

You can find me on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and on Instagram as girl vs planet. Let me know if you’re listening, what you think, and what you might like to talk about in the future.

Thanks for spending some time with me today. I hope you have a great week. I’ll talk to you next time.

[NOTE: I started a podcast back in December. I’m now introducing it to Substack, in the form of both a podcast AND articles. This one is from the very first podcast episode, published originally on YouTube, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts and now also imported to Substack. Enjoy!]

So today I want to talk about why I wanted to start this podcast. Consistency really scares me, and this is something I’ve wanted to do for a long time. I’ve always wanted some kind of creative outlet. I almost talked myself out of it again. But today I’m just going to start.

I honestly just really need a creative outlet. I have started so many things that I have not carried through with. I’ve had blogs, I’ve started a YouTube channel, a podcast, a Star Wars blog, a Star Wars podcast, travel blogs. So many different things and ideas. And I never stay consistent and follow through. That’s why the idea of starting another podcast scares me, because I’m afraid I’m going to start this and not be consistent with it.

So here’s a trick: I’m planning not to post any of these until I have five episodes recorded. If you’re reading this, that means four more are coming. We’ll see how it goes, but I’m just going to start today.

I really love creating content. I love having a YouTube channel. But it’s hard, thinking of video ideas is difficult, and editing takes forever. I always try to get it perfect, and it never is. I look at other creators and I want my videos to look like theirs, and they’re not going to at first because I don’t have the experience they do. What I really need to work on is just continuing to show up. And I’m bad at that.

But today I’m going to start, because I miss having projects. I miss having something that is mine. My husband does a podcast, he’s got a blog. I have friends posting content, running Instagram accounts, doing podcasts and YouTube channels. And I don’t feel like I have anything that’s mine. I find that sad, because I really do want to share with people, and I feel like I have something to offer.

So why does consistency scare me? Part of it is that it’s gotten harder. I’m not the same person I used to be, and I don’t mean that in a bad way. I’m just going to be real: I’m in my 40s, I’m going through perimenopause, and if you’re a woman in your 40s, you know what I’m talking about. Mood swings, a general feeling of lack of motivation, it’s hectic and chaotic to manage alongside everything else going on in life. It makes it harder to be consistent, because I don’t feel the same way every day.

And being honest, I’m unemployed right now. I was laid off a couple of months ago, like a lot of people in IT, and it’s been hard to find something new. I miss having a purpose. I miss doing something. I miss having some kind of benefit to the world. And I hope that’s what this ends up being.

I tend to get excited at the beginning of something, and then the momentum slows and I realize all the work that goes into it. I put it off because I’m not in the mood, and then it becomes even harder because I feel guilty for being inconsistent. So this is just me being honest, telling you that I don’t know what this is going to look like or how it’s going to turn out, but I want to put something out there.

So what do I hope this becomes?

I took the name from my general brand, girl vs planet, which I’ve been using for about 12 or 13 years. A big part of it is that I love to travel. I’ve been to over 30 countries, my husband and I go on a big international trip usually every year, and we absolutely love it. But it’s not just about seeing every country on the planet. It’s about the fact that we’re only here for so long, and I want to keep doing things I find enjoyable, things I have to look back on.

The podcast is called girl vs life, because that’s what I’m going to be talking about, honestly just life, and where I’m at right now. Perimenopause. Unemployment. Being in my 40s and struggling to stay consistent about being creative. If you’re in any of those places too, maybe you can relate. Maybe you can get something out of this.

I don’t claim to have all the answers. But I hope this becomes something helpful for whoever is listening, and honestly, selfishly, I hope it’s helpful for me too. I want this creative outlet. I want to make something that hopefully helps people. And while I’m unemployed, this gives me a bit of a purpose, because I need that. It’s hard to wake up every day and have your only purpose be going online and looking for jobs.

I don’t have big dreams of this making me a lot of money. I just want to put something out there, have a project, have goals, and see where it goes. And I think connection is important, finding people you relate with and feeling like a part of this world. We’re all here at the same time. There have been people before us, there will be people after us, and we share this world together right now. So let’s make the most of it.

That’s where I’m starting. I’m here, I’m getting started, and I don’t know exactly what’s to come, but hopefully we’re in this together.

If you want to see more, please follow the podcast, subscribe to the YouTube channel, and give this a like. Thanks for reading. I hope to catch you next time.

— Sheryl

I'd love to make this a conversation. What does YOUR spiritual practice look like? Find me on Instagram @girlvsplanet and let me know!

🎥 Want to see the full video version? Find girl vs life on YouTube!

This isn’t a political breakdown or a search for answers. It’s a quiet, reflective conversation about stories as mirrors, living through uncertainty, and choosing how we show up when things aren’t clear.

Why did you start blogging in the first place?

Probably because I liked to write, and it was something that friends were doing. Way back when I did have a Geocities page, but it was more like a “home” on the internet, a page that talked about my interests. I later used both Xanga and Blogger. (And met some cool people that way!)

I think I started using “girl vs planet” as my brand back in 2012 or 2013, and I bought the domain name. That’s pretty much been my online presence since then. I like the thought that it invokes (at least for me) of me (the “girl”, obvs) trying to tackle living on this planet. It can mean anything - from travel to hard life experiences.

What platform are you using to manage your blog and why did you choose it?

Oh gosh, I’ve gone through so many. My domain, girlvsplanet.com, currently uses WordPress, but if you visit it, you can see I haven’t been writing there in quite a while. I haven’t really been posting any kind of long-form writing anywhere in quite a while. But I always did like writing, and I do sort of miss it. I think that’s one reason I’ve started to dive into Substack. Like I said, maybe we will just make blogging a thing again.

Have you blogged on other platforms before?

Oops, I think I already answered this. Getting ahead of myself here. Like I mentioned above, I utilized both Xanga and Blogger back in the day. I think Xanga was kind of my favorite, that’s when blogging was popular and people did it often, just writing about anything and everything. “Those were the days!” Eventually I migrated to WordPress on my own site, but I also kind of hate WordPress. I know I should want to host my own data, but I really do prefer the simplicity of writing posts that are hosted somewhere else, like here on Substack. I’m lazy, what can I say?

When do you feel most inspired to write?

Oh man. I guess I follow herd mentality. When I see other people doing it, I want to do it too! Or when I just have something on my mind that I want to get out, something that I think holds value. Sadly, blogging doesn’t feel “popular” anymore, so I have tended to go where the people are. Lately, that’s been places like TikTok and Instagram, but they’re just not doing much for me lately. Videos and photos are fun, but I can’t compete with all the carefully curated media that people post, and more recently, they seem to be filled with influencers. Not that it’s bad to be an influencer, but I think for me, they’re bad for my wallet and my mental health. I need my own creativity, and the written word is a pretty simple way to find that.

Do you publish immediately after writing, or do you let it simmer a bit as a draft?

Usually immediately. It might depend on what the post is about or if it’s something I really want people to see or get something out of it. If it’s something important or meaningful, I might re-read it and edit just to make sure things are coming out the way I want them to.

What’s your favorite post on your blog?

Yikes. It’s been so long since I even blogged, it’s hard to say. Looking back on my site, it looks like most of the last ones were book reviews, as I started to really get into NetGalley for a while. I even did an author interview, and that was fun, and she was so nice. Go read my interview with Hank Phillippi Ryan if you’re interested. I also wrote a post about my wedding, explaining all the little meaningful things that were involved in it, even though we eloped to Kauai. So of course that’s one of my faves. And then at one point, I had a series about people in my life and their importance to me. The last one of those I did was about a friend of mine named Cari Ray. I’m kind of proud of all of these.

Any future plans for your blog? Maybe a redesign, a move to another platform, or adding a new feature?

Well, considering I haven’t posted on my actual website in almost 2 years, it’s probably time for something, right? But that’s why we’re here. I’m enjoying Substack so far, and it’s encouraged me to write something. So maybe we’ll see where this goes.

gRegor included a Bonus Round that was for tagging/nudging other people to fill this out as well, but I think I’ll just leave it at this. If you’ve been blogging for a while, do it! It’s interesting to look back on.

I have no idea what to write.

My days are up and down.

I have goals. Some days I wake up and look at them and they motivate me. Other days I wake up and don’t even feel motivated to get out of bed.

There’s no specific reason for it. I know some will cite the state of the world or the country right now, and yes, that certainly bothers me but I’m not letting it ruin my life. I hope you’re not either.

I’m getting older. Well, we all are. No one can say they are not. We are all approaching new ages and body and mind and emotional changes that come with growing older, whether you’re moving from your 20s to 30s or 70s to 80s or anything in between. But those changes are what I’m deciding to blame my moodiness and recurring lack of motivation on lately.

I’ve become a caregiver in this last year. Well, a long distance one. It’s been kind of a lot. I mean, from long distance there are only so many things I can do, but finding someone to do the things that you can’t becomes a part of it. But honestly, I think the responsibility of all of it has made it a bit easier. That probably seems weird, but keeping your mind on getting things done is easier than having to deal with the emotional breakdown of it all.

It’s hard to know how to explain it all. Having to make decisions for someone else. Making decisions you know they don’t want. Selling things that meant so much to people important to you. Giving up places that have been a part of your life for so long. Life is hard, man!

But I’m getting through it. Things are actually kind of starting to get settled now. I’m still a caregiver, but the journey is stabilizing, at least for now. The questions have gotten answered. Things have gotten done. And my mind is starting to open up to ideas of creativity again. Maybe this will be one of them.