give away the ending

ED WOOD or, "Deconstructing Disaster"

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 14:00:00 EST

I've been watching a lot of bad movies lately. I just graduated college, and in my efforts to not think for a while, I've enjoyed some camp creations from the sixties all the way through the eighties. Last week, I gave my review of Orgy of the Dead, a piece from the king of camp, Ed Wood. My question, though, is can we use a genre like this for any legitimate cinema, or is it just something a filmmaker unintentionally made bad that we laugh at? Cut to Ed Wood. ...

ICHI THE KILLER or, "Painful"

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 14:00:00 EST

A brutal murder has just taken place, and someone watches from outside, aroused by the violence. Soon after, the title of the film rises out of a puddle of semen from the pavement. It is an unparalleled title shot that sets the tone for the film and acts as a warning for the viewer, signaling exactly what to expect for the next two hours. The credits should have rolled immediately. Countless forgettable Hollywood action films dazzle us with lengthy credit sequences that are more enjoyable and more memorable than the film that follows, perhaps by design. Nothing is as shocking as Takashi Miike's brief opening, and it is a hard fought lesson for the audience to realize, not long after, that shock is Miike's only note. One wonders, how do you top such a stunning image? This defining question, this concept of one-upmanship, propels the proliferation of torture horror films. Watching these films often feels as if answering it is the driving force of the plot, and it is evident that Miike plods along for the duration trying to outmaneuver both his peers and his prior work. ...

KUNG FU PANDA or, "The Worth of Girth"

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 14:00:00 EST

I'm about to give away the biggest ending of all. Ready? Here: The good guy wins. There it is. That's it. The good guys win. Never mind. It's not such a big ending, pretty predictable, but the hero of Kung Fu Panda, this DreamWorks cartoon is certainly big. Jack Black is the voice of the tubby Chinese panda, Po, who is chosen to be the Dragon Warrior and charged with the task of protecting the Valley of Peace from the fierce tiger Tai Lung. ...

UNDER THE SAME MOON or, "Questions of Quality"

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 14:00:00 EST

I find myself at a crossroads. Part of me wants to jump on the bandwagon and praise Under the Same Moon; part of me wants to rip it to shreds. The film has good intentions. It is a good story and the issues it tackles make it topical, even important. However the critic in me wants nothing more than to accuse it of its poor execution and of its banality. When I really think about it I am afraid of becoming the type of critic who only takes into account aesthetics and presentation, and I certainly do not want to ignore the world that is happening all around me for the sake of some artistic argument. While watching this film about the horrors of illegal immigration, I keep going back to that Utilitarian phrase that dictates what is useful is good, and what is not useful is bad. And here I find that the issue I take with the film is rooted in this concept. ...

ROMANCE AND CIGARETTES - Two Opinions of Epic Proportions

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 14:00:00 EST

Two of our writers battle over John Turturro's 2005 film that may or may not be indebted to HBO's "The Sopranos." Read on...

ZOO or, "Media Perversion into Poetry"

Fri, 06 Jun 2008 14:00:00 EST

When I finally sat down to view the documentary Zoo, about a Seattle man who bled to death after sexual intercourse with a horse, I still harbored the feelings that had peaked my interest a year ago when the film was in theaters. This movie is about a man who had sex with a horse. As shameful as my childish intentions were, they where there, and that was that. Now I have actually seen it and I must confess it is one of the most beautifully crafted and poetic films that I have seen all year. Calling this film a documentary is not exactly an accurate assessment, which seeks to delicately ponder the lives of several members of the "society" of men whose love for their horses is manifested in sexual intercourse. ...

ORGY OF THE DEAD or, "As Good as Bad Gets"

Fri, 06 Jun 2008 14:00:00 EST

In trying to describe Orgy of the Dead to people, I was shocked to find out how many people had not seen Tim Burton's Ed Wood, or even heard of the man whose name the title bears. Suffice it to say that Edward D. Wood Jr. is the original king of camp. He's the AFI's crowned worst director of all time, surpassing even our contemporary contender, Uwe Boll. Wood's specialty, what he's known for, was horror. Crappy horror, to be exact. Although I'm sure he started out filming with the best intentions, he most definitely came to be aware of the stigma attached to his name, and, judging by Orgy of the Dead, began to cater to it, play with it, and own it. ...

RECOUNT or, "The Real Hijacking"

Fri, 06 Jun 2008 14:00:00 EST

OK. So it's made for TV. But... It's HBO, so piss off. Recount is one of the best things on television right now. This doesn't say a whole lot considering the options, but I do endorse this candidate. Recount is a dramatization of the first United States election of the new millennium. That election, nearly nine years ago, seems very close, but when I look for the details they don't come to mind. I get a blur of "chads" and disenfranchised minorities and a lawsuit. It's no wonder: I was only around 13 years old. I was just starting to get into politics. ...

THE OMEGA MAN or, "I'm a Hypocrite"

Fri, 06 Jun 2008 14:00:00 EST

It's true. I'm a total hypocrite. In high school, I toted my left wing agenda in the face of a lot of conservative people. You can count the issues: pro-choice, anti-death penalty, anti-war, pro-gay marriage, and pro-gun control. In 2004, my junior year of high school, I wrote a severely pro-John Kerry column for my high school newspaper that said, I kid you not, "give me liberty or give me Canada."...

CONFESSIONS OF A SUPERHERO or, "The Balance Between Good and Evil"

Fri, 06 Jun 2008 14:00:00 EST

In all of us there is a want to erupt with superhuman powers in order to change the world around us. Whether it is Bruce Wayne seeking revenge and salvation, or Superman becoming Clark Kent in order to be normal. And then there are those of us who wish to be on the other side of the super hero camp: the villains, where you can become Jack Napier clowning his way to the top, or Doomsday killing the Man of Steel once and for all. Like Harvey Dent and his Two-Face there are two sides to humanity of Superheroes. This duality is mirrored well in Matthew Ogens' Confessions of a Superhero. ...