Depression Management In a Crisis  (What I *Did* in a Stressful Situation with a Depression Diagnosis)

In life, crises can happen when we least expect them. The emotional toll that these events can have on our mental health is often profound. For many, managing depression during these challenging times becomes even more critical.

Let’s explore my personal account of dealing with major depressive disorder amid a crisis based on what I shared in my previous post: What I Do When I’m Depressed.

What Crisis Roshini?

On Tuesday, Oct 17, my son Zion, a non-ambulatory wheelchair user with developmental delays and low to no pain response below his waist, returned home via school bus with an acute fracture of his left leg and in the process of respiratory failure.

We rushed him to his pediatrician, and he was transferred to the ER, transported to his primary hospital via ambulance, and hospitalized in the pediatric intensive care unit and regular hospital floor for four nights, with my husband and I sleeping on chairs at his bedside and encountering a few negative experiences with medical professionals who not listen to us, one of which, when we insisted and were proven right BY X-RAY, they had to remove and over.

He was discharged late Saturday night with his left leg in a splint, using a loaned wheelchair because his personal wheelchair no longer worked with the splint, and on supplemental oxygen and antibiotics.

On Thursday, Oct 27, we took him for a follow-up at the hospital, and, per X-ray, his leg is now setting nicely, and swelling is down, so the splint was removed, and a cast was applied, which he will have to wear for five more weeks.

During this experience, many of the medical professionals were terrific. Unfortunately, we also encountered TOO MANY NEGATIVE EXPERIENCES with medical professionals and school administration. That meant us having to advocate very intentionally and persistently while actively and passively being opposed by medical and school officials FOR DAYS.

As of this post, Zion is doing well. He is moving in the desired direction concerning being on oxygen, hoping he will not have to be on it all the time. We are working on the aftermath of the medicines given and trying to get him a wheelchair solution that fits his legs once the cast comes off, and we have to return the loaner wheelchair from the hospital. He is in good spirits. We are bone tired and traumatized.

Validating Your Feelings

One of the first steps in managing depression during a crisis is validating your feelings. Our experience in the emergency room, where medical professionals were not fully listening to our concerns, is a testament to the importance of self-advocacy. Despite the stress, anxiety, and pushback we faced, I did not allow myself to be gaslit. My feelings were valid and mostly proven to be correct as time progressed. In a crisis, it’s crucial to trust your instincts, not let others undermine your emotions, and intentionally hold space for whatever comes up.

Embracing Emotional Release

Another vital aspect of managing depression in a crisis is embracing emotional release. I intentionally allowed myself to cry when the weight of the situation became too much to bear. Often, we’re told to stay strong, but bottling up emotions can exacerbate depression. Allowing myself to cry when needed was a therapeutic release.

Sticking to a Routine

Establishing a sense of routine amid chaos can provide stability and a sense of control. Even in the hospital, I tried to maintain some aspects of my daily routine, like morning stretches and affirmations, and supplements and an eyemask while sleeping at his bedside.

Diet and Hydration

Proper nutrition and hydration are often overlooked in a crisis, but they are crucial for maintaining mental and physical well-being. I must admit that my diet wasn’t ideal during my son’s time in the hospital. The stress of the situation led to emotional eating, but when it was possible, I quickly recognized the importance of getting back on track with a balanced diet.

Quality Sleep and Rest

In a crisis, quality sleep and rest can be elusive. It was challenging to sleep in the hospital on a chair trying to advocate for my son’s care with a nurse who was actively not keeping her promises to me. As best as I possibly could, I ensured a peaceful environment and maintained as good sleep hygiene as I possibly could.

Movement and Exercise

While regular exercise may not be feasible in a crisis, the importance of movement cannot be understated. I could not do my usual stretches on the floor, but I tried to incorporate some physical activity where possible, like a short walk or some gentle stretches.

Deliberate Light Exposure

Sunlight and fresh air can do wonders for mental health. I was stuck in a hospital room, but I did make an effort to open the blinds and spend some time outside when possible. This is a reminder that even small acts of getting some sunlight can boost mood and alleviate depressive symptoms.

Connecting with Others and Seeking Support

I contacted a core group of people, clarifying that I was not okay. Gone is the “strong Black woman” persona that has been modeled for me and that I participated in, believing it was my only option. This courageous act of vulnerability and seeking support is a testament to the importance of sharing my feelings and struggles with those who care about me. Bearing the burden alone only adds to the weight of depression.

The Role of Mindfulness

I intentionally engaged in self-talk when intrusive and depressive thoughts attempted to take over. This mindfulness practice allowed me to differentiate between my thoughts and the depressive mindset triggered by the crisis. By addressing the depression as a separate entity and grounding myself in the present moment, I managed my depression well enough to continue to show up in the challenging moments to make sure my son got the care that was needed.

Maintaining Positivity and Hope in the Face of Adversity

In moments of crisis, it is important to challenge negative thoughts and not attribute stressful circumstances to permanence or inevitability. Life’s ebbs and flows have brought me many moments of beauty and joy amid the chaos. I intentionally used my practice outside of the dark moments to remind myself that this, too, like every other dark moment prior, will pass.

Action Over Rumination

Rather than letting my mind spiral into endless thought loops, I took action. This broke the cycle of rumination and prevented it from becoming all-consuming. When thoughts began to spin, I actively addressed issues or made a plan to do so in the future.

Staying Present

Depressed minds often dwell in the past or project anxiously into the future, all while neglecting the only moment we have – the present. Whenever my mind started leaving to what happened or what might happen, I did my best to return to the now and do something to improve/enjoy it.

I hope you find these tips helpful on your journey to a more managed mood. Your depression does not define you, and many of us can learn to manage it effectively, even when life presents its most daunting challenges. You’ve got this, and you’re not alone on this journey towards healing. Commit to improving your depression one step at a time. You deserve it.

If you know someone living with depression, share this post with them.

I’ve started going live in my Find Your Life Coaching Community—a free space on Facebook created exclusively for black women seeking healing and empowerment. It’s brimming with valuable information, just like in this post, so join us there for a wealth of information and the community you deserve.

I have a special gift for those genuinely focused on embracing change. It may help you create an anchor to reference in the difficult moments of life. If I asked you the question, Who are you? could you answer? If not, you’re not alone. Many do not know who we are and do not understand our identity and its components. Due to this lack of self-concept, we don’t know specific tasks that reach any greater goal and wander through life aimlessly instead of creating an intentional life lived well. Knowing who you are gives you clarity that guides you through life, providing a measure against which to align decisions, choices, boundaries, and more. That’s why I created the ‘Who Am I?’ ebook. Who Am I? is your essential identity workbook to answer life’s most important question. It walks you through a simple framework for identity work and, even better yet, continually teaches you that framework to use in the future. You can download your copy for free (yes, for $free.99, girl, lol) and begin your work today!

You’re welcome.

. . .

𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚟𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚘

Last week’s video: What I Do When I’m Depressed (Ways I Manage Depression)

My son https://www.instagram.com/zionbeautiful/

Solo Bliss: My Solo Self-Care Staycation Planning Tips 

Go Lay Down: 20 Intentional Ways to Improve Your Sleep

My sleep app: https://www.sleepcycle.com/

My Cashapp is $glamazini

My PayPal is http://paypal.me/Glamazini

My flower subscription is from https://bouqs.com/

The Big Leap book by Gay Hendrinks is here under ‘books’ http://bit.ly/GlamaziniAmazonStore

My fitness wearable https://www.whoop.com/

Transform your life one “now” at a time!

My God wink is near the end of this.

My free Facebook coaching community for black women healing

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If you are dealing with suicidal thoughts, persistent feelings of hopelessness, or lack of support, reach out to a number or website below:

Please call: In the U.S.
call 988 (Suicide and Crisis Lifeline)
call 1-800-273-8255

Hours: Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish. 

1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)
1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)

For Hearing and Speech Impaired with TTY Equipment:
1-800-799-4TTY (4889)

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger because of thoughts of suicide, PLEASE CALL 911

SuicidePreventionLifeline.org/

http://SuicideHotlines.com/

SuicideHotlines.com/national.html

Warning signs: Suicide Warning Signs

Outside of US, please contact your local emergency number.

20+ Intentional Ways to Improve Your Sleep 

I’m excited to delve into a topic of immense importance for your well-being and healing your body – Sleep!

Why sleep? 

I’ve noticed that Black women often struggle to prioritize rest and overlook its importance. 

Before we dive into the 20+ intentional ways to improve your sleep, let me touch on a few very important considerations: 

1. I am a self-proclaimed expert in sleep proficiency and quality, but I’m a work in progress regarding consistency. We’ll explore the difference between proficiency and consistency as we go along.
2. Never underestimate the power of small changes you haven’t tried. As a life coach, I’ve found that many people overlook simple solutions to problems without consistently acting to change them, especially in small ways. If you have yet to try something as basic as being intentional about the temperature of your sleep environment or not eating large spicy meals before bed, don’t rush to complain about the consequences of neglecting these crucial aspects of self-care. Small steps count and are essential. Baby steps are still steps and lead to adult walking.
3. Black women are often celebrated for our ability to work tirelessly, carry emotional burdens, and put others’ needs above their own. This unhealthy pattern can lead to neglecting our physical, mental, and spiritual health. Recognizing that taking care of your body and intentionally getting restorative sleep is imperative to your overall health.

A few years ago, I read “Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams” by Matthew Walker. It’s an absolute must-read for anyone interested in improving their sleep hygiene. 

In it, he shares several benefits of restorative sleep, which include:

• Memory Consolidation ~ Restorative sleep is crucial for consolidating memories and learning new information. It helps move information from short-term to long-term memory storage.
  
• Cognitive Function ~ Quality sleep enhances cognitive functions such as problem-solving, creativity, and decision-making.
  
• Emotional Regulation ~ Adequate sleep is essential for emotional well-being. It helps regulate emotions and reduces irritability and mood swings.
  
• Physical Recovery ~ During deep sleep stages, the body repairs and regenerates tissues, promoting physical healing and quicker recovery from injuries.
  
• Immune Support ~ sleep strengthens the immune system, making the body better equipped to fight infections and illnesses.
  
• Hormone Regulation ~ Quality sleep helps regulate hormones related to appetite, stress, physical recovery, and growth.
  
• Weight Management ~ Lack of sleep can disrupt hormones that control appetite, potentially leading to weight gain and obesity.
  
• Cardiovascular Health ~ Good sleep is associated with a lower risk of heart disease, as it helps regulate blood pressure and reduce inflammation, a common factor in many chronic diseases.
  
• Pain Management ~ Restorative sleep can alleviate pain perception, improve pain tolerance, and quicken the healing of pain sources.

20+ Intentional Ways to Improve Your Sleep 

I’ve categorized these tips based on our senses—what you see, smell, taste, touch, hear, and perceive—and how they affect your sleep hygiene — because creating an optimal sleep environment involves engaging all your senses.

Let’s start with WHAT YOU SEE. 

• Wear a sleep mask ~ Every night, I wear a sleep mask when I go to bed because light entering your eyes during sleep, even through your eyelids, can disrupt your rest. Our bodies are naturally attuned to the sun, and light exposure at night can throw off our circadian rhythms and keep us awake, or wake us up even after falling asleep.
  
• Try room-darkening curtains ~ Enhancing your sleep environment can be as simple as investing in room-darkening curtains, providing you with optimal darkness for restful slumber. Be careful, though, because it’s essential to strike a balance, as an excessively dark room may make waking up challenging in the morning. 
  
• Get direct sunlight ~ Most days, I get direct sunlight on my skin and in my eyes for at least 5-10 minutes as soon as I can after waking up. It has been shown to help so many things remain healthy in your physical body, so if you take nothing else from this post, incorporate this into your daily routine. Along with the long list of things it helps, it resets your internal clock early in the day and, therefore, helps your body feel sleepy later in the evening. 
  
• Use a light therapy box ~ Light therapy boxes mimic natural sunlight, helping regulate your circadian rhythm, enhance mood, and promote better sleep quality. Discover the benefits of light therapy to enjoy more restful nights and energized mornings, especially if you cannot get outside in the actual sunlight. 
  
  

Now let’s talk about WHAT YOU HEAR. 

• Use earplugs ~ I use earplugs almost every night because my husband snores. Both of my favorites are disposable and block out most noise, ensuring a near-silent sleep environment. I also own a reusable type that dampens noise, allowing me to hear some sounds while significantly reducing their intensity. This can be useful if you must be aware of certain noises, such as a baby crying or alarms.
  
• Introduce calming sounds ~ Another option is introducing sound to your sleep environment. I sleep with brown noise playing every night. Brown noise is a steady and soothing random sound created on the low end of the sound spectrum without the high-frequency sounds. It can help mask disruptive noises, making falling asleep and staying asleep easier. It’s particularly useful if you’re sensitive to noise disruptions, and I prefer it to the more known white noise. 
  
  

Now, let’s move on to WHAT YOU TOUCH.

• Use comfortable bedding ~ Invest in comfortable bedding, including a mattress and pillows that provide adequate support for your body. A comfortable sleeping surface can make a significant difference in how well you sleep.
  
• Sleep in a cool room ~ Whether you like using a fan, prefer adjusting the thermostat, or opt for lighter sleep attire, keeping your sleep environment comfortably cool can make a significant difference in the quality of your sleep. If healthy, your body temperature naturally drops to signal it’s time to sleep. It rises to signal it’s time to wake up, so choose to sleep in a cooler environment to get a better night sleep.
  
• Try a cooling mattress or mattress topper ~ I switched to a Purple brand mattress a couple of years ago and slept better on it. I’ve noticed less back pain upon waking, and it sleeps cooler (which took some getting used to, but now I love it). Also, toppers like Eight Sleep brand can help you regulate your temperature while sleeping. 
  
• Intentional body alignment ~ I sleep with a pillow between my knees and ankles every night. Since my pregnancy, it has hurt a bit to lay on my side for prolonged periods without elevating my top knee and ankle so they are parallel with the bottom leg and bed. I don’t have a body pillow, but I would. I use a king-sized standard pillow between my knees and ankles. Creating the body alignment that optimizes your sleep will help you get rest and wake up in less pain and feel restored. 
  
• Use a weighted blanket ~ I sleep with a weighted blanket across the top half of my body. I own two: a warm sherpa one and a cooler one that I use in the warmer months. Weighted blankets are amazing, so much so I miss them when I travel. Some people find the gentle pressure of a weighted blanket soothing and calming, which can improve sleep quality.
  
• Take a bath ~ Indulging in a warm bath before bedtime can be a delightful way to unwind and prepare your body for a peaceful night’s sleep. The soothing effects of a bath can help relax your muscles and calm your mind, making it easier to drift off into a restful slumber. Consider incorporating this calming pre-sleep ritual into your nightly routine as much as possible to experience its sleep-enhancing benefits.
  
• Have an orgasm ~ Engaging in sexual activity before bedtime has been shown to have sleep-enhancing benefits. Orgasms trigger the release of several feel-good hormones, such as endorphins, dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and prolactin, which contribute to relaxation and promote better sleep. Additionally, the decrease in activity in the lateral orbitofrontal cortex of your brain, responsible for reasoning and decision-making, during sex can lead to decreased anxiety and enhanced relaxation, making it an enjoyable and effective way to prepare for a peaceful night’s rest.
  
  

Alright, time to share WHAT YOU SMELL

• Aromatherapy ~ Using scented pillow spray, a diffuser, or a soothing perfume can be a delightful way to enhance your sleep environment. Over time, you can train your brain to recognize these sents and trigger relaxation in your mind and prepare it for a peaceful night’s sleep. Whether it’s the calming aroma of lavender or your favorite comforting fragrance, incorporating scent into your bedtime routine can help you unwind and improve your overall sleep quality.
  
  

Now I’ll share about WHAT YOU TASTE

• Take magnesium ~ I take magnesium every night before bed. It helps my nervous system so my body relaxes and prevents nighttime leg cramps that can wake me up. I’ve typically taken pills, but I’m trying a topical magnesium gel I bought this week. Researchers hypothesize that magnesium relaxes the central nervous system and causes chemical reactions in the body that increase sleepiness, especially age-related changes in sleep often seen in older adults.
  
• Take a probiotic and/or tart cherry juice ~ Sometimes, I take liquid probiotics before bed. The one I take has tart cherry juice in it, which has been rumored to help you sleep better. You can try a probiotic or just tart cherry juice from the store, just a shot glass full right before you sleep. It knocks me out whenever I take it, and I sleep soundly all night. 
  
• Take CBD ~ Sometimes, I take CBD before bed. I only do this if I’ve had a very anxious day and my nervous system is a w.r.e.c.k. I have capsules and oils, and I take either or. Some are stronger, so I take them according to my physical anxiety needs that day.
  
• Avoid caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol ~ Caffeine and nicotine are stimulants that can interfere with your ability to fall asleep and achieve deep, restorative rest. Aim to avoid caffeine and nicotine at least 4-6 hours before bedtime. Alcohol may help you fall asleep, but sleep can be interrupted as your body processes the alcohol, so studies show you often don’t stay asleep or achieve a deep sleep stage. If you consume alcohol, do so in moderation and try to finish drinking at least a few hours before bedtime.
  
• Avoid heavy meals, spicy foods, and excessive liquids ~ Before bedtime to prevent disruptions from indigestion or frequent trips to the bathroom. Staying hydrated is essential, but be mindful of drinking too many fluids right before bedtime. Once again, frequent trips to the bathroom during the night can interrupt your sleep. 
  
  

Lastly, I’ll cover WHAT YOU PERCIEVE.

• Diminish exposure to stressful media ~ We live in a world saturated with media, and not all is conducive to a good night’s sleep. If watching scary movies, engaging with intense content, or arguing with someone online before bedtime stresses you out, it’s time to reconsider your pre-sleep media choices. Opt for calming and positive content or perhaps a light, enjoyable book instead.
  
• Manage anxiety and pursue peace ~ Anxiety can wreak havoc on your sleep patterns. If you find yourself lying awake, consumed by anxious thoughts, it’s crucial to incorporate anxiety management and alleviation practices during the day to minimize sleep disruptions at night. Meditation, deep breathing exercises, or even talking to a therapist can be incredibly helpful in managing anxiety and improving your sleep.
  
  Moreover, addressing unresolved traumas in your life can have a profound impact on your ability to rest peacefully. Also, avoid stressful people, family included. I said what I said.
  
• Establish a consistent sleep schedule ~ Sleep consistency is my struggle. Going to bed at the same time and waking up at the same time, even on the weekends, helps naturally regulate your body’s internal clock. Your body will adapt to this routine and make it easier to fall asleep and wake up feeling refreshed.
  
• Limit naps and opt for short ones ~ While a short nap can boost your energy and alertness, extended naps can disrupt your nightly sleep patterns. If you need a nap, keep it brief—around 15 to 20 minutes. Anything longer can leave you feeling groggy and make it difficult to sleep at night. 60 minutes at max or else you body will go into the stage of a night’s sleep that can make it very hard to wake up from your nap feeling refreshed.
  
• Exercise and stay active ~ Regular physical activity is a game-changer for sleep quality. Even a short walk, yoga session, or stretching routine can promote better sleep. Avoid vigorous exercise close to bedtime, as it can stimulate your body too much and make it challenging to fall asleep.
  
• Try socializing ~ Spending quality time with friends and engaging in social activities has had a measurable positive impact on my sleep. I suspect maintaining social connections helps to reduce stress and anxiety, which are common contributors to sleep problems. 
  
• Minimize screen time before bed ~ I know nothing about this, but word on the streets is the screens of electronic devices emit blue light, which can interfere with your body’s natural sleep-wake cycle. In general it’s wise to stop using screens at least an hour before bedtime. Consider reading a book or engaging in calming activities instead.
  
• Seek Professional Help ~ If you’ve tried various strategies like the ones above and still struggle with sleep issues, don’t hesitate to consult a healthcare provider or sleep specialist. You might have an underlying sleep disorder that requires professional evaluation and treatment.
  
  . . .

Quality sleep is essential for your mental, emotional, and physical health. I hope you find these tips helpful on your journey to better sleep. Commit to improving your sleep hygiene, one step at a time. You deserve the rest and rejuvenation that comes with a good night’s sleep.

If you’re a black woman or know someone who could use a a better night’s sleep share this post with them.

I’ve started going live in my Find Your Life Coaching Community—a free space on Facebook created exclusively for black women seeking healing and empowerment. It’s brimming with valuable information, just like in this post, so join us there and a wealth of information and the community you deserve.

I have a special gift for those of you who are truly focused on embracing change and self-empowerment. If I asked you the question, Who are you? could you answer? If not, you’re not alone. Many of us do not know who we are and, therefore, have no concept of our identity and its components. Due to this lack of self-concept, we don’t know specific tasks that tet any greater goal and wander through life aimlessly instead of creating an intentional life lived well. Knowing who you are gives you clarity that then guides you through life, providing a measure against which to align decisions,s choices, boundaries, and more. That’s why I created the ‘Who Am I?’ ebook. Who Am I? is your essential identity workbook to answer life’s most important question. It walks you through a simple framework for identity work and even better yet, teaches you that framework to continually use in the future. You can download your copy for free (yes, for $free.99, girl lol) and begin your work today!

You’re welcome.

Wishing deep, restorative sleep.

. . .

𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚟𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚘

My free Facebook coaching community for black women healing

My son

Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams by Matthew Walker PhD

My eye masks
Not weighted
Weighted

Andrew Huberman’s podcast

My sleep app | My fitness wearable

Verilux light therapy boxes/lights

My earplugs
Moldable Silicone | Disposable Foam | Loop

White Noise Lite app (I listen to brown noise using this; it has a bajillion noises.)
Play Store | IOS

This Tibetan Singing Bowls w/ Brown Noise video will do the trick too

Purple mattress

Eight Sleep temperature control mattress topper

Taking a bath as an adult

My weighted blanket from Target
My cooler weighted blanket from Aricove

My magnesium
Pills | Gel

Dr. Berg Liquid Probiotic

My fav CBD company

Download your free workbook!

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15 Things I’m Chucking the Deuces At

I’m here to share with you 15+ things I’m leaving behind to inspire you to do the same as we continue on our journeys of healing, growth, and transformation. 

Let’s talk about what I’m leaving behind (spoiler, and you can too) … 

1. Leaving Behind What People Think of Me

I’m intentionally shedding concern for what people think about me. It’s a deeply ingrained notion rooted in our primal need for communal acceptance. But here’s the thing: when we’re children, it’s essential for our survival, yet as adults, it hinders creating the radically authentic life we are each designed to live. 

Judgments are opinions based on others’ observations, beliefs, and values. People’s judgments are colored by their stories, perspectives, biases, preconceptions, stereotypes, trauma, and misunderstandings. When you spend your life striving for others’ approval, you’re living in a story that’s not your own. Living your authentic life means caring more about what you think about yourself than what others think. When you prioritize others’ opinions, you elevate their views and diminish your own. It’s a never-ending chase because you can never please everyone, so please God and please yourself. 

2. Leaving Behind Shrinking – Not-Enoughness ~ Silencing Myself 

It’s a season of shedding, and the second thing on my list is letting go of the tendency to shrink myself. I’m bidding adieu to not taking up enough space, not speaking up, and silencing myself. I recently underwent testing for ADHD, and the results were surprising. Ultimately, I was not diagnosed with ADHD, but during the evaluation, the psychologist conducted an IQ test, and to my surprise, I was operating above average in three out of four markers for IQ and was even in the 99th percentile in one of them!

Just wow. 

The psychologist told me that my self-concept was low, and she re-diagnosed me with major depressive disorder—a diagnosis I had already received two decades ago. She emphasized that my low self-concept could be because I was operating at a higher cognitive function than most of the population, and, therefore, thought something was wrong with my perception when, in fact something was impressively and beautifully right.

That revelation hit me like a ton of bricks.

I had been living my life under a shadow of feeling not-enough, of shrinking back because I was trying to fit into spaces that weren’t designed for someone like me. Her words and the dedicated time she spent emphasizing this to me over and over resonated deeply, and I realized I had been holding myself to an unfair standard. My divine design is beautiful, and I should take up the space I was meant to occupy. I’m leaving behind the silence that no longer serves me, reclaiming the space I deserve to heal myself, and serving other black women by showing them that they can take up space authentically.

3. Leaving Behind Extension Hairstyles:

Let’s take a lighthearted detour before we delve into the deeper things. I’m bidding adieu to extension hairstyles. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying I’ll never wear them again, but I’m taking a break. No wigs, no weaves, no extensions. It’s time to give my natural hair a much-needed rest. I’ve been experimenting with knotless braids, crochet braids, and more, and my hair texture seems to be changing. It’s getting thinner, which led me down a rabbit hole of research that first pointed to aging but now is suggesting that it might be a post-COVID effect. Please do your own research on this. It’s a season of simplicity, allowing my hair to breathe and change. Sometimes, we must drop things off for a season to embrace what’s new and necessary for our growth.

4. Leaving Behind Sushi:

Still, on a lighter note, I’m saying goodbye to sushi. My beloved favorite is being indefinitely put on hold. Last week, during a solo self-care getaway, I indulged in my go-to sushi roll, and although it was heavenly, afterward, it gave me a not-so-heavenly experience of leg cramps and brain fog. It turns out my body is no longer as enthusiastic about sushi as my taste buds are. As we age, our bodies react differently to the foods we once loved. Is this change permanent? We’ll see. It’s about adapting to what my body needs at this moment and being open to revisiting if the time presents itself.

5. Leaving Behind Not Intentionally Community Building:

In the past year, I’ve explored the importance of friendships, delving into topics like loneliness, making friends as an adult, and navigating friendship breakups. I intentionally created the community I wanted rather than defaulting to whoever passively crossed my path. I’m revisiting my approach to community building. I’ve learned that authentic connections require intentionality. It’s about maintaining old relationships and cultivating new ones that align with my values and aspirations. It’s about recognizing who truly aligns with my values and aspirations and deliberately fostering those connections. Day ones deserve that attention, and so do the day twos. I’m also leaving behind the nonchalant Olympics I see on social media. So many people are downplaying their excitement or affection in relationships, especially younger generations. We can try to act cool and aloof, as if we’re not interested or invested. But why pretend? If I want to love you, I’ll love you wholeheartedly. If you are designed to receive that love, you will expand and do so. That’s it. 

6. Leaving Behind Not Sharing My Story

We live in the stories we tell ourselves.

Psychologists call it a narrative; in the Bible, it’s called a testimony. I’ve come to believe that we can shape our lives by crafting the stories we tell ourselves. I’m choosing to tell myself a story that aligns with the life I want to live. Even if it might seem delusional to others, it’s my story. I’ve set a boundary—I’ll let you live in your reality, and you let me live in mine. 

Sharing my story has been an incredible source of liberation. I’ve posted on the internet for years, but the true sense of freedom came when I opened up about my experiences. Over a decade ago, I shared a video on YouTube, confessing I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder. It was liberating because I stopped pretending to be someone I wasn’t. I’ve experienced that same sense of freedom when I shared my transition to my natural hair (most of those videos are unlisted now) and my experience as a special needs mom. 

Telling our stories is empowering. It connects us with others who might be going through similar experiences. It lets them know they’re not alone. I’m leaving behind the fear of judgment and embracing the freedom and community that comes with sharing my authentic story.

7. Leaving Behind Self-Betrayal

I’m leaving behind self-betraying choices like masks and facades I’ve worn to fit into certain spaces or to please others. No more pretending, no more shrinking back. I’m showing up authentically, without fear of judgment or rejection. 

If you leave me because I am me, you were not for me.

Self-betrayal encompasses many actions, one of which is the upper limit problem, introduced to me by Gay Hendricks, the author of the powerful and transformative book The Big Leap. I’ve realized that I’ve placed limits on myself, often due to past beliefs and trauma. When I reach a certain level of success or happiness, I sabotage myself, bringing myself back down to my perceived limits. I’ve struggled with limiting beliefs, especially regarding my business. I internalized negative messages about artists not making money from my family of origin, which hindered my growth. I’m choosing now to flow beyond these self-imposed limits and see what happens next.

Self-betrayal also involves allowing people to cross my boundaries. Boundaries are essential for maintaining healthy relationships and self-respect. Recently, I stood firm when someone tried to push past my boundaries, which felt empowering. Setting boundaries is an act of self-love.

Ignoring my own needs has been a pattern of self-betrayal. I’ve been guilty of prioritizing others over myself. As Roshida Dowe of Exodus Summit mentioned in a recent live video, true freedom is doing what my body, mind, and spirit need in the moment. It’s about honoring my needs without guilt or hesitation.

Negative self-talk and self-criticism are also self-betrayal. Treating others with loving kindness and respect is challenging when I haven’t cultivated the same for myself. It’s essential to break free from the cycle of self-contempt and develop a nurturing relationship with yourself so you can pour that authentically into others.

Self-betrayal includes not pursuing my dreams and passions. It’s time to stop holding back and move toward the life I desire. No more excuses, no more self-sabotage. It’s time to chase my dreams with unwavering determination.

Self-love is the antidote to self-betrayal. 

It’s about treating myself with the same compassion, love, and respect I offer others. As I continue on this healing journey, I’m committed to nurturing a deep sense of self-love. It’s not a destination; it’s a daily practice.

8. Leaving Behind Overcomplicating Things – Choosing Struggle – Working to Prove My Value

Overcomplicating situations is a form of self-sabotage. Honestly, simpler solutions often lead to better results. Overcomplicating is a procrastination technique that brings applause from those who do the same but doesn’t lead to real progress. I’m choosing simplicity and action.

Done is better than perfect.

I’m also intentionally choosing the easiest way moving forward. I mentioned this to a loved one a couple years ago, and they laughed at the idea. As mentioned above, if they want to choose struggle as a badge of honor, that is their choice and their story. They get to live in it. I have been, and will continue to, intentionally choose the easiest way and live in the story it creates.

9. Leaving Behind Excuses

Excuses are a way to avoid accountability. I’m leaving behind the habit of making excuses for why I can’t achieve my goals.

Fear and excuses often go hand in hand.

“Fear is excitement without the breath” is a quote by Fritz Perls, founder of Gestalt Therapy, that has resonated with me. This implies that the sensations of fear and excitement are remarkably similar, differing only in the degree of mindfulness we apply. Feeling excitement but failing to engage in deep, conscious breathing can easily transform into fear. Conversely, when confronted with fear, being fully aware of our emotions and taking deliberate breaths can transform that fear into excitement. I can eliminate excuses and move forward purposefully by transforming fear into excitement and taking an intentional breath. “Let my breath be my first word.”

10. Leaving Behind a Heavy Focus on The Past -Regurgitating Pain Points

I’m about to get a bit woo-woo, but stick with me. 

The past only exists in your mind. So does the future. In reality, we only exist in the present moment at all times. Your entire life is a perpetual succession of nows. 

Focusing too much on the past or constantly regurgitating painful memories keeps us from fully experiencing life in the present and, therefore creating the future we want. My past has influenced my present, and I can influence my future by making intentional choices right now. 

Because it’s all I have.

Grasping this concept (chronus versos kairos) can be used to free you when you are anxious or worried.

Make an intentional choice in your now. It is all you have.

11. Leaving Behind Not Showing Up

Sometimes, the win is in the showing up. I’m committed to showing up for myself consistently. A therapist once told me, “You keep stopping! Stop stopping!” and a business coach told me, “Discipline is keeping a promise you made to yourself.” No more backing out of promises I made to myself. I’m committed to showing up for myself consistently. Life may indeed become hectic, and obstacles will arise. However, I’m learning to prioritize my commitments, maintain consistency in my actions, and consciously acknowledge and surpass my upper-limit beliefs to keep moving forward.

12. Leaving Behind Ignoring My Feelings

Feelings are like indicators on the dashboard of life. They aren’t meant to drive the car, but they are meant to indicate that something needs to be addressed and a potential adjustment can be made. I’m letting go of the habit of ignoring my emotions. Instead, I’m giving myself permission to feel the full range of emotions and use them as signals for adjustments in my life.

13. Leaving Behind Overapologizing or Oversharing in Attempt to Create Connection

Over-apologizing and oversharing can be rooted in a desire to connect with others, but it’s important to strike a balance. I’m learning not to apologize excessively or dump too much information on someone in an attempt to be authentic. Authenticity should be shared in a way that respects both my boundaries and the boundaries of others. Over-apologizing and/or oversharing do not create the connected results desired but often can alienate the receiver and overwhelm them. I’m leaving behind a need to strive for connection and will allow authentic connections to flow and not be forced. 

14. Leaving Behind Perfectionism

Perfectionism is an unattainable goal and a fancy way to procrastinate. It is self-imposed limitations of imaginary standards that are lterally impossible to meet. I’m letting go of the idea that everything I do must be perfect and embracing the concept that “done is better than perfect.” It’s about taking action and making progress rather than endlessly striving for an elusive state of perfection. Even worse, the self-imposed prison of perfectionism can breed resentment and contempt for others who are making progress imperfectly, and I’m leaving it all behind.

15. Leaving Behind Thinking I Need to (1) Do Everything (2) Doing it Alone

I recognize that I don’t have to shoulder the burden of everything alone. The belief that I must know how to do something perfectly before seeking help or putting it into the world is an off-shoot of perfectionism, and we have already discussed its insidious and self-limiting ways. I’m leaving it all behind. Instead, I’m embracing the power of community and asking for assistance when needed. I will be comfortable being seen trying, and at times failing, and iterating, and trying again. 

16. Leaving Behind Giving Endless Chances At My Own Expense

While forgiveness is essential, I realize I don’t have to continually give chances to people who repeatedly take advantage of my kindness and compromise my well-being. Love doesn’t mean unlimited access, especially when it’s harming me. I’m continuing to set and enforce boundaries. People deserve love, not access. 

17. Leaving Behind Trying to Save People

Being the perpetual “savior” for others is a pattern I’m leaving behind. It’s not my responsibility to rescue everyone. Jesus has already saved them, and they can have that salvation (healing … sozo) if they so desire. Each individual has their own journey, and I can’t save them anyway. Besides, focusing on them was a way of not focusing on the inner work of self-mastery and growth that I needed to embark on. I can better serve myself and others by retiring my Captain-Save-A-Ho title and worrying about myself and my clients (aka those who asked for help).

18. Leaving Behind Diminishing What’s Already In My Hand

I’m recognizing the value of what I already possess. Just as The LORD asked Moses, “What’s that in your hand?” when he was griping about not-enoughness, Moses replied, “A walking stick,” then God gave him instructions: I have unique talents, resources, and opportunities right now. I don’t need more to be impactful; I am enough at this moment. Embracing the abundance of the present allows me to create and contribute confidently. I will elevate whatever is in my hand at that moment because it is what I need to get me where I am going. 

19. Leaving Behind Living in the Wrong Story

We live in the story we tell ourselves. 

Many of us, including myself, have spent a long time living in a story given to us. No more. I am letting go of any negative, self-defeating narratives that hinder my growth and potential. Instead, I choose to adopt the story that empowers me, aligns with my true self, and leads to an expansive life of authenticity and impact. I refuse to dwell in any narrative that doesn’t serve my highest purpose.  

20. Leaving Behind Current, Westernized, Colonized Church Culture

Although I’ve never read my Bible more than I do now, and my faith in God remains unwavering, I’m intentionally shedding the constraints of Westernized and colonized interpretations of the church. My goal is not to please man but to get closer to God’s heart. I’m moving away from dogma and tradition that doesn’t align with my personal connection to the divine. I’m humbling myself and letting go of the arrogance that I, a mere human, can fully comprehend the vastness of God, clinging to rigid doctrines and religious frameworks. I acknowledge that my ways and thoughts are limited compared to God’s, and I embrace the mystery of faith. I’m seeking a direct and personal relationship with the divine and allowing God to show me what that is for me.

21. Leaving Behind Thinking I Don’t Have a Choice

One of the most powerful realizations I’ve had is the understanding that I always have a choice. I’ve redefined joy as the confidence that I possess the agency to create the life I desire. This joy is rooted in knowing that I have options, even when faced with challenges or setbacks. No matter how far down a certain path I may have traveled, I can always choose a different direction. I refuse to despair, for in God’s presence, I find the fullness of joy and the assurance of agency. You have choices, and you have the power to create the life you want. Embrace your agency, and as Alecia Renece said, “You’re not in the ground; you’re among the living. Live.”

. . .

If you’re a black woman or know someone who could use a dose of healing and inspiration, share this post with them and spread the word.

I’ve started going live in my Find Your Life Coaching Community—a free space on Facebook created exclusively for black women seeking healing and empowerment. It’s brimming with valuable information, just like in this post, so join us there and a wealth of information and the community you deserve.

I have a special gift for those of you who are truly focused on embracing change and self-empowerment. If I asked you the question, Who are you? could you answer? If not, you’re not alone. Many of us do not know who we are and, therefore, have no concept of our identity and its components. Due to this lack of self-concept, we don’t know specific tasks that tet any greater goal and wander through life aimlessly instead of creating an intentional life lived well. Knowing who you are gives you clarity that then guides you through life, providing a measure against which to align decisions,s choices, boundaries, and more. That’s why I created the ‘Who Am I?’ ebook. Who Am I? is your essential identity workbook to answer life’s most important question. It walks you through a simple framework for identity work and even better yet, teaches you that framework to continually use in the future. You can download your copy for free (yes, for $free.99, girl lol) and begin your work today!

You’re welcome.

So, what are you leaving behind?

. . .

𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚟𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚘

My free Facebook coaching community for black women healing

Solo Bliss: My Solo Self-Care Staycation Planning Tips

Is This Bagel Making Me Depressed?

The Keto Diet “Cured” My Depression!

Friendship for Black Women How To Make Friends as an Adult

Loneliness & Black Women

When Black Women’s Friendships End.

What About Your Friends Black Women?

Making & Losing Friends for Black Women w/ Andrea V. Smoak

The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks

Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself by Nedra Glover Tawwab

Feelings Wheel

Download your free workbook!

All Previous Live Videos

Today, we’re diving into a timely and essential topic – planning the perfect solo self-care staycation.

For years I’ve booked a couple of nights at a hotel and perfected my intentional staycation so I’m here to share my wisdom with you.

Several years ago I realized that I needed a break from my life. Enter the in-town solo self-care staycation. I can’t remember exactly when I started, but I vividly recall my first staycation – I was running like a bat out of hell (it may have been early motherhood), trying to escape the chaos of life. It went so well that since then I’ve been on countless in-town staycations, and today, I want to encourage you to do the same, especially if you’re a black woman.

What is a Solo Self-Care Staycation?

It’s booking at least a few nights in a hotel or lodging of your choice in or near your town – it doesn’t have to be far. It’s a pause button on life, a chance to recharge, reset, and rejuvenate. I’ve been doing this for over a decade, and I want to share some tips to make your self-care staycation just as amazing.

Tip #1: Keep It Simple, Sis!

The key here is simplicity. As black women, we often try to do it all, but for your self-care staycation, less is more. Don’t stress yourself out with excessive planning – it defeats the purpose of relaxation and rejuvenation. Pick a hotel or lodging you like, and keep it as straightforward as possible. Remember, the goal is to restore, not to add more stress.

Tip #2: Choose Your Accommodation Intentionally

Select accommodations that align with your needs and desires, not the desires of others. I prefer hotels because they are hassle-free and often have added perks like complimentary breakfast, free parking, and more. I like newer three- or four-star hotels with kitchens because they provide the comfort I need. I’ve done a 5-star hotel before, spent money, and was very disappointed and regretful. I know myself honor myself, know what I need to recharge, and book it over and over again. But remember, it’s all about what works best for you. Airbnb and vacation rentals are great options if you’re looking for a unique and quaint experience. Housesitting is another option that is free if you are a friend to animals.

Tip #3: Block Off in Advance

Block off your staycation dates well in advance and say no to any other commitments. Start preparing by lightly packing and unloading tasks throughout the week before your staycation. You want to avoid returning home to a mountain of work. The goal is to minimize stress and maximize relaxation.

Tip #4: Activity-Based or Respite-Based?

Choose the type of staycation that suits you best. Are you an activity-driven person who needs a jam-packed schedule? Or do you prefer a more laid-back, respite-based staycation like me? If you’re into activities, plan a few things to do. If you’re all about relaxation, limit your plans and focus on unwinding. Personally, I choose what I affectionately call “hermit mode,” where my goal is to go into the room and never leave again.

Tip 5: Pack Light

Pack whatever you need and nothing more. Prioritized sensory experiences. What will taste good? What will sound good? What will look good? What will feel good? What will smell good? What will be perceived as good? Pack as many of these as you like and create an atmosphere that is unique to your liking in your room. Because I don’t want to leave the room I book a hotel with complimentary breakfast and a kitchen, take all my favorite foods with me, and boom happy hermit mode activated!!

Tip: 6: Low to no other humans

I highly recommend not involving others in your solo experience. Whether it’s inviting friends for one night or planning meet-ups during your stay, these interactions can disrupt the precious solitude you need to fully rest, recharge, and reconnect with yourself.

As an ambivert with strong introverted tendencies, I’ve realized the immense value of my alone time, especially as I’ve grown older. The pandemic drove this point home even further. Even if it’s a weekend getaway, filling it with too many activities or involving too many people can sabotage your goal of feeling rested and recharged. It’s during moments of solitude that you can truly embrace the power of stillness, shedding external pressures and finding joy in limited human interaction and isolation. Use this precious time to reconnect with your thoughts and uncover the true essence of your desires. It’s an opportunity for growth, healing, and a deeper connection with your authentic self.

. . .

Remember, self-care is essential, and these staycations are a perfect way to recharge and reconnect with yourself. So, whether it’s once a year or more, treat yourself to this rejuvenating experience. You deserve it, sis!

Have you done a solo self-care staycation?

If this resonates with you, share your thoughts in the comments. You can also connect with me on social media and my healing-focused Facebook group for black women “Find Your Light” on Facebook. And as always, you are enough. Be well, be encouraged.

. . .

𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚟𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚘

10 Myths That Are Keeping You From Living

10 Ways to Create Free Time, Take a Break, Step Away & Rest

Healing Through Taking a Break What Stepping Away From My Life Taught Me

All Previous Live Videos

Exodus Summit

Girl’s night staycation w/ steakhouse & onesies

Planning Retreat ebook

My website http://www.glamazini.com (you’re on it lol, join the mailing list from the home page)

. . .

𝚜𝚞𝚋𝚜𝚌𝚛𝚒𝚋𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚢 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚝𝚞𝚋𝚎 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚗𝚎𝚕!

𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚌𝚘𝚊𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚞𝚗𝚒𝚝𝚢 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚋𝚕𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚠𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚗 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐

𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚙 𝚝𝚎𝚎 𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚛𝚝𝚜, 𝚎𝚋𝚘𝚘𝚔𝚜, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚎

𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚊 𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚢 𝚙𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚕𝚎 𝚜𝚞𝚙𝚙𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚎𝚛

Let’s dive into a topic that will hopefully change your life!

Have you felt like you were waiting for something to happen before you could START your life? You’re not alone. As a coach who primarily works with Gen X black women, I’ve noticed a common underlying thought – the feeling that life is on pause until something magical occurs. Personally, I’ve had that thought as well. I even remember being in my 20s and 30s and thinking “Maybe when XYZ happens, then I can ABC.” Wow huh?

Today, we’ll explore this feeling and debunk myths holding you back.

Myth: The Myth of Accountability

One myth we tell ourselves is that we are not responsible for our own lives. We blame our past, family, circumstances, or other people for how our lives have turned out. We become a victim of every situation who is powerless to change our circumstances and this stance can easily become anger and deep bitterness. Bitterness keeps you externalized and stagnant. We believe that someone else needs to change something and then we can we can move forward. If they don’t change we blame them and feel justified in remaining stuck.

But here’s the truth: no one is coming to save you. You are responsible and capable of creating the life you want, starting with being intentional about curating your thoughts which become your feelings which become your choices which become your actions.

Myth: Life Just Happens

Some people approach life as a passive observers and not intentional creators. This mindset leads to feeling powerless and stuck. The reality is that you have the power to shape your life at every point, which may be news to you because let me tell you, it was news to me! Embrace a growth mindset changed my life and truly understanding that I can change every circumstance and/change how I respond to it which thereby changes my experience of it, made me feel more powerful to affect my world ask new questions, and avail myself to opportunities I would have previously overlooked.

Myth: Waiting for the Perfect Moment

Many of us delay living because we’re waiting for the perfect moment. We tell ourselves that we’ll start living when we find the perfect partner, have the ideal job, achieve a certain level of success, or resolve all our problems. But life is never perfect, and waiting for the right moment means you’ll spend your entire life on the sidelines. Do not let life pass you by because the thing you’re waiting to subside is you life hun. You heard me, that is a part of your full and complex life. You are alive right now, so live.

Myth: Belief in Fate

Some people believe their fate is already written and they have no control over it. This fatalistic thinking can be paralyzing, preventing you from taking action to improve your life. Remember, you can shape your destiny through your choices and actions. Dr. Caroline Leaf is a neuroscientist who studies the mind and her resources are a powerful place to start retraining your brain to the possibilities you have to create instead of being a victim of fate.

Myth: Fear of Failure

Fear of failure is a common myth that holds many of us back. We worry that it will be a catastrophe if we try and fail. However, failure is a natural part of life, and it’s how we learn and grow. If you never fail at anything, you’ve never tried anything. The irony a life of never trying anything ultimately is the biggest failure of them all. At least if you try, you have a 50% chance of success. If you don’t you have a 100% chance of no change occurring. Embrace failure as a teacher rather than a deterrent.

Myth: Comparing Yourself to Others

Constantly comparing yourself to others can lead to feelings of inadequacy and prevent you from living your life to the fullest. Everyone’s journey is unique, and your path may not look like anyone else’s. Thing of participants in a race. If you spend the entire race staring at your opponent in the other lane you are guaranteed not to win. Look forward and run hard in the direction you want to go. Focus on your own progress and growth. Make the former you who you compare yourself to.

Myth: Perfectionism

Done is better than perfect. Perfectionism is a lie many tell themselves is a positive attribute. There is literally no such thing as perfect so living a life of perfectionism just gives you a reason to stall from acting and creation. Yes, it is wise to prepare beforehand AND the doers are the ones out on the field learning as they go. You will never learn anything, adjust, iterate, and try again if you wait for things to be perfect before you start your life. Once again, done is better than perfect.

Myth: Waiting for Validation

Seeking validation from others can keep you stuck. Waiting for others to approve of your choices or validate your worth can be a never-ending cycle. Others’ opinions don’t determine your worth. Not only that, humans are fallible and dumber than we expect ourselves to be (lol, but true). For the love of God, the person you’re waiting on validation from can’t validate their own life and figure out what going on and they sure are able to tell you what is worthy. Plus, it’s your life not there’s. Lastly, learning that your life is unique and living for yourself, and not for the approval of others is the most freeing thing that happens as you mature. Don’t wait on them, go.

Myth: Procrastination

Procrastination is the enemy of progress and “success stealing”. We can put off taking action because we’re waiting for the motivation to strike or feel doing the task will be painful and want to alleviate that perceived pain upfront. The issue with that mindset is all we’re doing is delaying and prolonging the “pain,” and usually we’ve exaggerated how horrible the task will be and just doing it is the easiest response. Prioritizing small choices each day in the direction you have chosen will help you create the life you want.

Myth: Overthinking

Overthinking can lead to analysis paralysis, where you’re stuck in a cycle of overanalyzing every decision. Trust your instincts and make choices confidently. The result of every decision made and action taken is not fatal. You have the ability to adjust, learn, iterate, and choose again.

Have you been waiting for your life to start?

It’s time to break free from these myths holding you back from living your best life. Embrace responsibility, intentionality, and the power to shape your destiny. You can create the life you want. Life is happening right now, and it’s up to you to make the most of it. So, go out there and live your life to the fullest.

If this resonates with you, share your thoughts in the comments. You can also connect with me on social media and my healing-focused Facebook group for black women “Find Your Light” on Facebook. And as always, you are enough. Be well, be encouraged. my “Find Your Light” coaching community on Facebook

. . .

𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚟𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚘

Zion in middle school

Alecia Renece’s Channel

Tabitha’s episode about accountability

Father’s Day: A Kirk Franklin Story

Dr. Caroline Leaf

Shadow Work Journals

Four Stages of Competence

I go over these four stages in my ebook Getting Unstuck

Stephanie Perry’s Channel

Her story of making motherhood a priority

EXODUS SUMMIT FACEBOOK GROUP FOR BLACK WOMEN PLANNING A SABBATICAL OR A MOVE ABROAD

The clip saying announcing your goals can undermine progress

The Target models I was talking bout

My website http://www.glamazini.com (you’re on it lol, join the mailing list from the home page)

. . .

𝚜𝚞𝚋𝚜𝚌𝚛𝚒𝚋𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚢 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚝𝚞𝚋𝚎 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚗𝚎𝚕!

𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚌𝚘𝚊𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚞𝚗𝚒𝚝𝚢 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚋𝚕𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚠𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚗 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐

𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚙 𝚝𝚎𝚎 𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚛𝚝𝚜, 𝚎𝚋𝚘𝚘𝚔𝚜, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚎

𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚊 𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚢 𝚙𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚕𝚎 𝚜𝚞𝚙𝚙𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚎𝚛

Have you ever grown weary of constantly being on a healing journey?

Let’s dive into a topic that has been on my mind – the transition to a new stage of healing. As we navigate our paths to wholeness, we must recognize when we’re moving from the intensive healing phase to a more maintenance-oriented space.

If you’re unfamiliar with the concept of a healing journey, I previously discussed it in this video. It’s a process of self-discovery and transformation, addressing emotional, generational, and personal growth that, for me, resulted in consuming and producing content to heal myself and help others.

I recently had an enlightening conversation with my husband about entering a new phase of my healing journey. It dawned on me that I’ve been unsubscribing from mental health and healing channels that were once a cornerstone of my journey. I found myself skipping videos that I would have previously absorbed and analyzed. This shift in behavior signaled a transition from the “fixing” stage to the “maintaining” stage.

Comparing the healing journey to medical treatment stages can be illuminating. Just as in healthcare, there’s an emergency room phase where we focus solely on the issue. Then comes the ICU, where concentrated care continues, followed by a stage of healing when we move from intensive care to a more regular hospital room. Similarly, our healing journeys evolve from addressing urgent concerns to maintaining our growth.

Orienting Around Joy and Worthiness

One significant realization in this transition is the need to shift our orientation. Instead of constantly orienting around pain and fixing, we should aim to orient around joy, worthiness, and positive experiences. Healing should not become our sole purpose – life is filled with diverse experiences and pleasures.

Many of us on the healing journey are naturally inclined to fix things, including ourselves. However, there comes a time when we should transform this fixation from external to internal. We’ve grown beyond the need to constantly prove our worth through fixing others and should focus on valuing ourselves.

Just as recovery leads to discharge from the hospital, our healing journey also moves us to a maintenance stage. We’re no longer hyper-focused on fixing; we can apply what we’ve learned to maintain our progress. We’re ready to reintegrate into life, using our newfound understanding and growth.

As we embark on this new stage, remember that we are enough. It’s time to find a balance between focusing on healing and embracing joy. We can make room for self-care, healthy relationships, and new experiences while acknowledging our worthiness. The journey is ongoing, but the approach has shifted, reminding us that healing isn’t our sole purpose; living fully is.

Have you hit this stage of your healing journey?

If this resonates with you share your thoughts in the comments. You can also connect with me on social media and my healing-focused Facebook group for black women “Find Your Light” on Facebook. And as always, you are enough. Be well, be encouraged. my “Find Your Light” coaching community on Facebook

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𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚟𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚘

Healing Is Not My Purpose by  @tonijones 

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𝚜𝚞𝚋𝚜𝚌𝚛𝚒𝚋𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚢 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚝𝚞𝚋𝚎 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚗𝚎𝚕!

𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚌𝚘𝚊𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚞𝚗𝚒𝚝𝚢 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚋𝚕𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚠𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚗 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐

𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚙 𝚝𝚎𝚎 𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚛𝚝𝚜, 𝚎𝚋𝚘𝚘𝚔𝚜, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚎

𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚊 𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚢 𝚙𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚕𝚎 𝚜𝚞𝚙𝚙𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚎𝚛

The Power of Intentional Connections: Curating Your Community for Growth

We often hear it said that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with. However, this statement only captures part of how our social connections actually shape our lives.

Let’s explore the concept of intentionality and the importance of curating the community you surround yourself with. It’s not just about the five closest individuals; it goes beyond that.

In their book “Connected: The Surprising Power of How Our Social Connections Shape Our Lives,” researchers Nicholas Christakis and James Fowler provide compelling evidence that our social connections extend far beyond a limited circle of our “Top Five”. Their studies reveal that the impact of humans in your life reaches beyond just your five closest people, including the friends of those friends, and even further beyond those friends’ friends. This means that the people you surround yourself with have a ripple effect on your life and profoundly impact your well-being.

For instance, they found that if a friend becomes obese, your chances of gaining weight increase by 45%. Surprisingly, if your friend’s friend becomes obese, your likelihood of weight gain still rises by 20%. And you guessed it, if your friends’ friends’ friend becomes obese, you’re still on the hook for a potential 10% increase in your own thicca-than-a-skicker quotient. The same pattern applies to other factors like happiness and smoking. Essentially, the influence extends not just to your immediate circle but also to your friends’ friends.

Understanding this impact is crucial to curating the life you want by being intentional about the people you choose to surround yourself with. Rather than leaving it to chance, create a community that aligns with your values, aspirations, and desired future.

Decide Who You Want to Be, And Be Her.

Begin by clarifying who you want to be and the life you want to create. Once you have a clear vision, intentionally choose individuals who can help you move in that direction. Seek out those who embody the qualities, values, and goals you aspire to achieve. Surrounding yourself with people who inspire and motivate you will propel you toward personal growth and success. Likewise, diminishing your contact with those who drain you and negatively influence you will do the same. Stay woke, lol.

A brisk PSA for the people pleasers:
Curating your community is not about judging others or dismissing people based on their values or current circumstances. It’s about prioritizing your personal growth and intentionally surrounding yourself with individuals who support your journey. Everyone is at different stages of their path, and it’s essential to respect that. Choose your tribe based on shared aspirations, energy, and a willingness to grow.

So what does that mean, Roshini? Glad you asked:
Take a moment to evaluate the five people you spend the most time with. Consider the overall community they belong to and whether it aligns with the person you want to become. If your current connections don’t support your desired future, seek out individuals who do. Look for like-minded people in your local community or explore online platforms where you can connect with individuals on similar growth and healing journeys.

Recognize that your social network extends to the friends of your friends and even further. Surround yourself with individuals who inspire and motivate you and who are growing in good soil themselves. Do not hesitate to seek a community that aligns with your values and goals.

Choose who you want to be and create the life you desire with the support of a curated and intentional community.

I hope this prompts you to reflect on your own way of curating community with intention. Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section below. If you’re a Black woman on a healing journey, consider joining my “Find Your Light” coaching community on Facebook.

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𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚌𝚘𝚊𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚞𝚗𝚒𝚝𝚢 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚋𝚕𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚠𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚗 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐

As a parent of a child with special needs, I feel compelled to share a recent incident that disturbed me deeply.

Over the weekend, I overheard a conversation between two individuals, one of whom works with children with special needs. During the conversation, the topic of someone else yelling and cursing at these children arose. I want to emphasize the importance of recognizing the impact of verbal abuse on individuals, regardless of their special needs or differences.

When I came upon the conversation already in progress, I overheard someone questioning the appropriateness of yelling and cursing at children with special needs. Unfortunately, I didn’t hear the entire context, but obviously, I was alarmed by the mention of such behavior. The person who works with these children reassured me that they had corrected their coworker, which was great. Unfortunately, they then went on to suggest that these children are less affected by such treatment compared to others.

As a parent of a child with special needs, I felt compelled to intervene and offer a different perspective. I joined the conversation and pointed out that anyone, regardless of their differences, is affected by verbal abuse. It is a basic truth that applies to all human beings. Although individuals with special needs might not express their emotions or reactions the same way as others, it doesn’t mean they are immune to the impact of verbal abuse.

We must recognize that all individuals, including those with special needs, are profoundly affected when yelled at or cursed. Verbal abuse affects the emotional well-being of human beings, regardless of their specific challenges or capabilities.

Please recognize that people are people.

Children with special needs are particularly vulnerable and can be significantly impacted by verbal abuse. It is disheartening that I have to state the obvious, but it is crucial to reaffirm that anyone subjected to verbal abuse is affected by it.

I hope this prompts you to reflect on your own way of showing up in the world. Let’s practice respect, kindness, empathy, and compassion to create an inclusive environment that nurtures the well-being of all individuals, regardless of their unique circumstances. Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section below. If you’re a Black woman on a healing journey, consider joining my “Find Your Light” coaching community on Facebook.

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𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚌𝚘𝚊𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚞𝚗𝚒𝚝𝚢 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚋𝚕𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚠𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚗 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐

Are you or someone you know transactional in your relationships? If so, you may deserve compensation.

It’s not uncommon to come across or be an individual with a transactional mindset in their relationships. They view actions taken through a lens of giving to get benefits, what is owed to them, a focus on what they get, and a you-vs-me point of view. While it’s natural to expect relational reciprocity, dealing with a purely transactional person can be challenging and emotionally draining.

Let’s explore the characteristics of transactional people and provide insights on how to identify and respond to such individuals effectively.

1. Love is an earned reward based on good behavior: Transactional people believe that love and affection must be earned through good behavior. This mindset stems from conditional love they may have experienced in their upbringing, where they learned to associate love with behaving well. Consequently, their interactions are often influenced by a need for approval and validation. It is hard for a transactional person to grasp that love is unconditional whether you’re a good girl/boy or not.
2. Over-indexing and reliance on authority: Transactional individuals find it hard to generate innovative ideas or take independent action unless it has received approval from a perceived authority figure. This dependency on external validation hampers their ability to trust their own judgment and make decisions autonomously. It may also make them downplay your judgement if you are not deemed an authority.
3. Difficulty addressing authority faults: While transactional people may criticize faults in authority figures, they often struggle to express their discontent directly towards those figures. The fear of losing love and approval from authority causes their frustration to manifest toward others, particularly those they perceive as the source of the problem.
4. Unrealistic expectations: Transactional individuals approach situations with unrealistic expectations, often failing to understand the true nature of reciprocity. They may offer assistance or favors for brief periods without establishing clear expectations or effective communication. Consequently, when their efforts go unreciprocated, they can become frustrated and express their disappointment aggressively.
5. Entitlement and owed obligations: A key characteristic of transactional people is their belief that they are owed something in return for their actions. Statements like “after everything I’ve done for you” or listing out past favors are common expressions, reflecting their transactional mindset. They expect a reciprocal response, and when they feel owed, their behavior can become demanding and resentful.
6. Difficulty collaborating: Transactional individuals find it challenging to work harmoniously with others because they perceive relationships as competitive opportunities to earn a scarce supply of love and validation. This mindset can hinder effective collaboration and create a sense of constant competition, undermining the potential for genuine connection and cooperation.
7. Superficial displays of character: While transactional people may demonstrate basic human decency and treat others well, their actions are driven by a desire to receive something in return. They expectation is they are a good boy/girl and then later get to cash in on that behavior with what you owe them. Their behavior does not stem from a genuine place of kindness or empathy but rather from an expectation of payback.
8. Self-esteem and confidence struggles: Individuals with this mindset can struggle with self-esteem and confidence. They constantly need to prove their worth and work hard for validation, making it challenging to develop a healthy sense of self-worth and recognize their intrinsic value as individuals without conditions attached. This inability also bleeds over into an inability to value others without them earning it first.

Whether you recognize these traits in yourself or others, it’s important to address these tendencies and seek professional help to begin healing. If you find yourself interaction with a transactional person who is not committed to growth I recommend:
1. Changing your proximity to them or their access to you

2. Changing how you respond to them

3. Implementing and enforcing updated boundaries to ensure your emotional well-being.

I hope this prompts you to reflect on your own way of showing up in relationships. By understanding the characteristics and dynamics of transactional people, we can navigate these relationships more effectively and foster healthier connections. Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section below. If you’re a Black woman on a healing journey, consider joining my “Find Your Light” coaching community on Facebook.

Have you experienced a transitional relationship?

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𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚌𝚘𝚊𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚞𝚗𝚒𝚝𝚢 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚋𝚕𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚠𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚗 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐

In this video, I’m offering an alternate way to conceptualize when people don’t text you back immediately… so you can get free sis … come up higher. #becauseboundaries

Let’s chop it up about an essential topic on anyone’s healing journey: time boundaries.

Setting Boundaries with Time:
Recently, I posted a meme on social media that seemed harmless, but it triggered a few people. The meme was about the delayed response to messages, and some individuals expressed how it bothered them. They believed delayed responses meant they weren’t a priority to the person they messaged. I want to offer a different way to conceptualize this experience.

Here’s the meme btw:

As adults on healing journeys, it’s crucial to understand that someone not responding immediately doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t value you emotionally or socially. It may indicate that they don’t have you as a high priority in terms of time. Time is finite, and we all have different responsibilities and obligations.

For instance, as a special needs mother taking care of my son’s medical needs, my time is limited. While I may deeply love you and value you emotionally, I might not have you as a top time priority because my son’s care requires a significant portion of my time. It’s important to recognize that time prioritization does not reflect your worth or their feelings toward you.

Having unrealistic expectations of people’s time can lead to disappointment and frustration. You might find yourself constantly jumping to respond to others’ messages while not receiving the same level of attention in return. It’s crucial to remember that you don’t have to prioritize everyone at the same level or above yourself.

Everyone has agency over their time. If someone takes a week to respond to a text because they were scrolling through TikTok, they prioritized their relaxation over responding to you. And that’s perfectly fine. We all need downtime, and sometimes we have to prioritize ourselves. It’s about finding a balance and respecting each other’s boundaries.

When you realize you are not someone’s top priority, you have options. You can choose to stop talking to them if that’s what you prefer. Alternatively, you can adjust your expectations and acknowledge their lower level of prioritization. It’s also possible to maintain the existing relationship as it is while recognizing the disparity in priority levels. Lastly, you can communicate your desire for a deeper connection and express your needs to foster understanding.

I believe setting and honoring time boundaries is a core part of maturing and personal growth, and healing. It allows us to prioritize ourselves, respect others’ boundaries, and build healthier relationships. Remember, not everyone can be your top priority, and that’s okay. Embrace the agency you have over your time and make conscious choices about how you allocate it.

I hope this prompts you to reflect on your own time boundaries and relationships. Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section below. If you’re a Black woman on a healing journey, consider joining my “Find Your Light” coaching community on Facebook.

What time boundaries have set?

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𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚌𝚘𝚊𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚞𝚗𝚒𝚝𝚢 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚋𝚕𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚠𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚗 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐