Many of these designs would not be allowed on Zazzle because of the use of licensed material. It is fine to use for a parody but Zazzle is extra cautious. I have some designs such as these that I just might submit to Split Reason. Until then, enjoy these – my top picks from splitreason.com:

Evolution of Evil	George’s Secret
Boomstick	Back to the 8008ies
Extra Terrestrials	Potion Challenge
Ghost Busted	Left the House
Artists in a Half Shell	Legendary Lawncare
Plumber’s Wardrobe	Count Your Fingers
Tech Support	Shatner
Zombie Day at the Mall	Mighty King Kong
Glove Holster	Bwain Season
Grand Theft Happy Meal	Smurfs Attack!
My Lightsaber	Witty Retort
Arcadeology	Dragon Fear
Tasty Treat	Gamers FTW
Ironing Man	Cat Burgers
Doin’ It Wrong	Wii Gym

On the first day of my eighth grade algebra class, the teacher had each student stand up, one at a time, say his or her name and tell the class something they like to do. I imagined this must be like an AA meeting, only for people addicted to hobbies. I have always liked to draw. So, when it was my turn, I knew what I would say: “I’m Darren Glenn and I like to draw.” Short and sweet. Then, I could stop paying attention to what was going on in the boring algebra class and get back to what I had been doing before the interruption... drawing in my notebook.

Keep Moving On

I didn’t have much when I was a kid. My parents divorced just before my fifth birthday. My whole world, everything I knew, turned inside out and upside down. I remember my mom took me and my brother, Shannon to my aunt’s house. I didn’t know why. It seemed like we stayed there for months. I didn’t know where my dad was but I thought he would show up eventually. He did.

Looking back on it, I know that my parents had separated and that the time we spent at my aunt’s house was probably when they were talking to lawyers and finalizing divorce papers. But, my barely five-year-old self thought we were just visiting my aunt and would return home shortly.

I sure was happy to see my dad when he showed up. He brought me and Shannon a few small gifts from Hawaii. So, that’s where he had been. My dad went to Hawaii to visit my Uncle Danny and his family. There may have also been a hint of revenge in his decision to go to Hawaii after mom left him. My mom had always wanted to go there. In fact, she had a large jar that she kept change in which she referred to as her Hawaii fund. However, I think the main reason my dad went to Hawaii was because his world had been turned upside down too. He needed to get away.

After my dad hugged us and gave us the souvenirs, my mom asked me and my brother if we knew what “divorce” meant. My brother has always been a bit of a role model to me. He is two and a half years my senior and I always looked to him for wisdom. When he heard that word, there was no doubt that he knew exactly what it meant, even though I had no idea. “Yes,” he sobbed. I nodded my head, oblivious to what was going on, but I knew by my brother’s expression that it couldn’t be good. My dad was just visiting. We weren’t going home. And I was blindsided.

My mom never went to college. She married my dad right after high school and had been a housewife ever since. So, when she entered the workforce, her options were extremely limited. She worked many different jobs for minimum wage. We moved around a lot because we couldn’t afford to stay at one particular place for very long.

At first we stayed with my aunt, who had an abusive husband. I once had to hide behind a couch as plates and vases were thrown across the room, crashing into the walls. I also saw him whip her repeatedly with his belt as she screamed and begged for him to stop. Although I wanted to do something, I couldn’t because I was just a kid.

My mom got re-married to a man named James. He had juvenile (or type 1) diabetes. If you aren’t familiar with juvenile diabetes, take it from me when I say - it’s bad. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. You have to inject insulin into your arm every day and constantly monitor yourself or bad things will happen.

James was a great guy. He was really more of a friend to me and Shannon than a stepdad. But, he was sick – I don’t mean sick like a person with the flu or pneumonia who is always weak and in bed. I mean that James was perfectly fine until a sudden “attack” hit. We called it an “attack” when his blood sugar level would drop, he would start to twitch, his speech would slur and he would act almost as if he were drunk. That’s when we knew it was coming. We had to fill a glass with sugar and grape juice and get him to drink it. It worked about 60% of the time – If he got enough sugar into his system, he would be fine. If not, he would go into convulsions and then into a coma. There were numerous times we had to call an ambulance to take him to the emergency room. Even though he only lived to be 32, I am still amazed and grateful that he survived all those close calls for as long as he did.

A Hot Homeless Summer

When I was in the third grade, James and my mom showed up at the school. James walked right into the classroom and pulled the teacher aside. Then, they waived me over. James told me to get my things because we were moving to Miami. There was a girl who sat behind me named Ann Marie Sanderlin. When I went back to my desk to get my things, she asked me where I was going. “I’m moving to Miami,” I said, still in shock. “Cool!” she beamed.

As it turned out, the Miami I was moving to was not Miami, Florida. We were driving with whatever we could fit in the car to Miami, Oklahoma. James’ brother had a house there and we were going to stay with him and his family until we could afford a place of our own. Even though it wasn't Miami, Florida, that summer – the summer of 1981 – was as hot as Miami Beach in Oklahoma.

James met a man who we called Roger Dodger. Roger managed the local movie theatre. He let us spend the days watching movies for free. I think I saw “The Incredible Shrinking Woman” five times. The best part of spending the day at the movie theatre was being in an air conditioned building, out of the scorching summer heat. Roger also had a tiny old rent house that was vacant. The house had no electricity and no water. But, there were plenty of fire ants. Roger let us stay in the house. So, we spent some nights there instead of at James’ brother’s place. The heat was unbearable and the ant bites were even worse. We ended up sleeping outside on the hood of the car. I think I got most of my sleep at the theatre that summer.

The McDonald’s Happy Meal was new and I wanted one. I remember sitting in that hot, miserable, ant-infested house, asking my mom if we could go to McDonald’s and get a happy meal. She told me we couldn’t afford it. We were down to our last 77¢.

So, when I say I didn’t have much when I was a kid, I mean – at times, I literally had nothing. What can you do to entertain yourself when you have nothing? Create something. How do you create something from nothing? You use your imagination. That's what I did. One thing about drawing is that a pencil is cheap. I started out by drawing from drawings. I would look at Charles M. Shultz’s Peanuts and draw Snoopy and Charlie Brown. I would also make things up and draw from my imagination. When I didn’t have anything to draw with, I just imagined and stored those images in a filing cabinet somewhere in my mind to be sketched out at a later time. I knew at a very young age what I wanted to do for a living. I wanted to be an artist. I didn’t know exactly how artists made money. I knew there were successful painters but I didn’t think about advertising and design. The things that influence society the most, we tend to take for granted. We don’t even acknowledge them as being art. But, we would sure notice if they weren’t around.

What is an artist?

What does it mean to be an artist? If art is a matter of opinion, what truly defines an artist? It can’t simply be one who creates art because art is subjective. Do you want the definitive definition? An artist is a person who makes a living by producing art. Think about it. You wouldn’t call yourself a carpenter if you build a birdhouse in your garage on the weekend. It might be a lovely birdhouse. But, unless you frame houses for eight hours a day in order to get a paycheck, you, my friend, are not a carpenter. I can change the oil in my car, but a mechanic I am not. Creating art is an occupation – the title of that occupation is artist. That is the definition I have always gone by. But, hold on – there are exceptions to every rule. I will get to those shortly. However, when I was in the eighth grade, I didn’t consider the exceptions. All I knew was that an artist is a person who makes a living by producing art.

So, when it was my turn to tell the class what I like to do. I told them, “I’m Darren Glenn and I like to draw.” Believe it or not, I am a man of few words (except when I’m writing). Most of the other students rambled on and on about many different hobbies and activities they were involved in. The teacher had to interrupt some of the students to keep it moving because we only had a limited amount of time. I thought he would appreciate that I kept it short and would move on to the next person. Instead, he prodded me for more information.

“Oh. Are you an artist?” he asked.

“No,” I replied. Of course, I wanted to be an artist someday, if I could get lucky enough to make a living at it. But I was just a kid – a kid who draws. He should have realized I didn’t have time to create art for a living if I had to spend the entire day in school.

The teacher laughed, “Then why do you draw?” he asked. The students started to laugh too. This guy obviously had no idea that an artist is a paid occupation; just like a firefighter, a doctor or a teacher. If a 13-year-old kid tells you he likes to catch bad guys, do you reply, “Oh. Are you a police officer?”

“Because I can,” I said, “Why do you teach?” He didn’t get that either. I guess he had never heard the saying, “Those who can, do. Those who can’t do, teach”. I don’t really believe that saying. It was merely a jab for a jab. He just kept laughing and then moved on to the next student. I sat down.

The word “artist” is as subjective as art itself. People seem to interpret the meaning any way they want to. I knew the definitive definition because I wanted to be an artist and had read everything I could on the subject from an early age. Now, for the exceptions: As time went on, I realized that you can be an artist even if you don’t make your sole income creating art.

Example 1: Vincent van Gogh received money from his brother. He did spend most of his time creating art and he sold paintings when he could. But, he was very poor. His main source of income was from his brother.

Example 2: My dad is an amazing artist. He majored in Art Education and taught art for a couple of years, before I was born. He made several sculptures and paintings. His specialty is watercolor. He had his work featured in a gallery and sold many. However, he did not make a living by producing art. After his brief experience teaching, he decided that it wasn’t what he wanted to do. He ended up being an Environmental Specialist and had a very successful career of it before retiring. The art he created was more of a hobby even though he did sell them at the gallery.

So, if you do not make a living by producing art, the exceptions are:

1. The Part-Time Artist – Art is your hobby, but you do sell your work in some way: either by selling originals or reproductions. It may not be your sole way of making a living, but it is your part-time occupation.
2. The Starving Artist –  You spend most of your time creating art and you do sell your art from time to time. But, you have another means of making a living or getting by. There are very few starving artists who possess great talent. For many, there is a reason their work doesn’t often sell. In Van Gogh’s case, he was just crazy – crazy but talented. It’s hard to market crazy.

Note: Even in the exceptions, the bottom line is that you sell the work you create. That is the fundamental requirement to be an artist. Certainly creating art is extremely rewarding to the artist in itself. But, with all occupations, you have to get paid to carry the title. An unpaid intern, learning to paint from a world renowned artist, is not an artist until she sells her first painting.

Disclaimer: I am not saying that my opinions are the be all end all facts. They are merely my opinions. I am also not claiming to be the best artist in the world. I’m not a traditional fine artist by any means. I am a graphic designer through and through. When I was a kid, I wanted to be an artist –  so I thought. What I really wanted to be was a cartoonist. Cartooning is by no means fine art. Neither is illustration. I have done both. I have done very little fine art. I do have an understanding of it and I definitely have my opinions. Whether you agree or disagree with them is up to you.

What is art?

I have always enjoyed drawing and expressing myself through my drawings. As I child I thought that was what art is all about. After all, I was creating something from nothing –  taking something from my mind and putting it on paper. That was always my fascination: the magic of art. Surely a pencil drawing or an ink drawing can be art. That is true. But, when I was a child, my “art” was more cartoon drawings than anything else. There is nothing wrong with being a cartoonist. There are some cartoonists that are much more talented than most artists. There are some graphic designers that are much more talented than most artists. So, what is the difference? We know that an artist makes a living by creating art. So the question is, what is art?

• Fine art can be a painting, a drawing, a sculpture or anything original created by hand that has the qualities that define art.
• Digital art is an original drawing or painting created by a person using a computer that has the qualities that define art.
• Design is the arrangement and/or transformation of elements to solve a problem. Designers are problem solvers and designs are the solution to the problem. Design can have artistic qualities, but unless all elements in the design are original, it is not art. If the designer created all the elements in the design, it is an original design. If an original design has the qualities that define art, it is art.

The Qualities that Define Art:

There can be many factors that make a drawing or painting aesthetically pleasing: balance, tone, color, ect. But there are two questions you need to ask yourself that will determine if it is art.

1. Does it convey emotion?
2. Does it show love?

If the answer is YES to both questions, it is art.

Does it convey emotion? There should be an invisible force, like a surge of energy, as if someone turned on a light switch, that travels from the image to your eye to your brain and causes you to feel emotion. Art is expressive and art is emotional.

Does it show love? I am not asking if the painting or sculpture has a “love” theme. I am asking if, when you look at it, can you see the love the artist put into it? Anyone can throw paint at a canvas. But, it takes love straight from the heart to create art.

Does art have to be beautiful? No. Would you call Edvard Munch’s The Scream beautiful? If you would, you might want to get your head examined because you are one sick puppy. The Scream is a powerful painting but it is not about beauty. Does it convey emotion? Certainly. Does it show love? When I look at The Scream, I can see that Munch put every bit of his love into creating it.

What about Photography? Many will disagree with me, but photography is not art. It is an occupation of it’s own. A photograph can certainly convey emotion. However, unlike art, it is not created by hand. A camera creates the photo - The photographer plans the photo. A photographer is like a director of a movie. But, the camera captures the scene. Photography is capturing a moment. A photograph, no matter how stunning it may be is not art. It can convey emotion. It can even show love, but not the same as fine art. The love I’m talking about in fine art comes from the artist, creating the art, by hand - The love put into each brush stroke. I’m talking about the process by which it was created. If you can look at a painting that conveys emotion and see that the artist put his heart and soul into his work, you are looking at art. A photographer may love what he does, but in the end, the camera is capturing the moment - not the hand and not the heart.

An argument can be made against the digital artist as well. He uses a computer to create his art. However, the tools he uses are the same as the traditional painter, only in a virtual world. He still has to create every line and every stroke by hand. That is the key: art is created by hand. The hand is just holding a mouse or a stylus instead of a paint brush, pen or pencil.

What about music? We know what art is and we know that an Artist is a person who produces art for a living. A musician produces music for a living by playing a musical instrument. A singer performs vocally for a living, using his or her voice in place of a musical instrument. Although a musician and a singer do not create a visual work, produced by hand, music can be the closest thing to fine art that exists. Music is as much to your ears as art is to your eyes. Art is the visual equivalent to music. Music and art are like brother and sister: related and similar in many ways. But musicians and singers are both occupations of their own. I would never call a great painter a musician. So, why do so many people call musicians artists? Probably because art and music both convey emotion, show love and can be created from nothing.

That’s right, folks. One of my crazy designs is going to be on Prime Time Network TV. My Tighty Whities coffee mug was picked to be used as a prop item on a brand new show this Fall!

NBC’s Outsourced premieres Thursday, September 23rd - 9:30/8:30c. It is a comedy about a novelty company that outsources it's calls to India. Todd Dempsy is sent to the company’s call center in India to teach the new employees how to sell American novelty items (whoopee cushions, hand joy buzzers, rubber chickens and tighty whities mugs!). From the creators of The Drew Carey Show and The Office comes a comedy where cultural differences are a novelty.

Be sure to watch Outsourced Thursday nights this Fall on NBC, right after The Office. Click here to order your very own Tighty Whities mug.

Tighty-Whities Mug (Front)

Tighty-Whities Mug (Back)

In October 2002, I began working for MMD/Squadron - the oldest and most reliable mail order model hobby supplier in the US (which I had never heard of before). I had been working at Taylor Publishing in Dallas, but I decided to look for a new job after the company switched my hours to the 2nd shift. Squadron was a unique experience from the very beginning. I was used to working for a company that was bought and sold by larger corporations so often that you never really knew who owned it. Squadron was literally a mom and pop company and it was very old school.

I saw an ad in the Dallas Morning News for a graphic designer and decided to call. After telling the receptionist what I was calling about, I was transferred to Jerry Campbell, who was the founder and owner of MMD/Squadron. Jerry spoke in a gruff voice and asked me about my work experience. Then he told me a little about the job and asked me if I smoked. I told him that I don’t smoke and he said, “Well, this is a smoking building. I allow people to smoke in here so they won’t take smoke breaks.” At that point, I lied and told him I wasn’t bothered by smoke. I also paused to ask myself, “What exactly are you getting yourself into?” Mr. Campbell asked me to come in for an interview.

Jerry Campbell

Squadron was a large beige warehouse. At the time, the building was in the middle of a major refurbishment. There was quite a bit of construction going on. The main entrance was sealed temporarily awaiting the installation of new doors. So, I found my way to the only entrance that had a makeshift wooden staircase in front of it.

I met with Jerry Campbell in his office. Jerry's wife, Judy had a desk in the office as well. This was certainly a mom and pop operation. However, the Campbells had started out with just a small hobby shop in Detroit in 1968 and grew it into the 51,000 square foot wholesale and direct mail order business that I was standing in on that day in Carrollton, Texas. So they, the mom and pop of this shop, definitely knew what they were doing.

The interview went well. I didn't know how well until I was called back for a second interview. That was when I met John Lowe, the art director. John was very impressed with my portfolio. He showed me around the art department where I met Sharon and Betty - they scanned a lot of the products and also worked on the catalogs and flyers. Then, back in Mr. Campbell’s office, I was offered the job.

At Squadron, Jerry had a policy for all newly hired employees: They had to spend the first week in the warehouse. So, even though I was hired as a graphic designer, I had to begin work in the warehouse - filling orders for customers, restocking shelves and packing orders to be shipped. It wasn't easy. In fact, as I was told later, they had hired two other graphic designers a few weeks before me and they both quit the first day because they didn't want to work in the warehouse...wimps. I actually liked Jerry's company philosophy. He made everyone start out in the warehouse because he wanted everyone who worked for Squadron to know how it operated - to know the products and to be able to find their way around if necessary. There were many occasions where I had to go back into the warehouse to find a particular model kit to scan for a catalog picture or a magazine ad. So, it really did help to know your way around.

That first week in the warehouse was when I met one of the guys I would be working with in the art department: David Gebhardt. David was and still is quite a character. He and I were both hired at the same time. So, we spent our first week in that miserable warehouse. The warehouse manager was a British guy named Richard. He had a remarkable ability - He could always come up with something to keep me and David busy.

After the initiation, David and I finally got to set foot into the art department. We were thrust head-first into laying out pages for November’s Squadron Mail Order flyer. For one week, each month, the entire art department (all six of us) had to work on the flyer until it was done - and approved by Jerry. The art department consisted of two designers: me and David, two scanners/production artists: Sharon & Betty, art director: John and cover artist extraordinaire: Don Greer.

Don Greer had been working for Jerry for over 30 years at that point. He was actually Jerry's first employee and he followed the company to Texas from Michigan. Before teaming up with Jerry, he worked at Ford, creating art for magazine ads. Don is an amazing illustrator. When Squadron/Signal Publications began, Don was the only illustrator. He painted beautiful covers and color profiles.

Squadron/Signal Publications has been publishing books for military model enthusiasts for nearly 40 years. Each book contains several historical photographs and illustrations. They also contain pages of color profile illustrations. When we weren’t busy working on flyers, catalogs, magazine ads, decal sheets or package designs, David and I were illustrating books for Squadron/Signal.

On most of the books, we did the black & white line drawings and Don did all of the color work. But, there were a few books that David and I got to do color art on as well. Don always did the covers - he was the master of covers.

I did both the black and white and color art on one book. It was the French Bombers of WW II. They are some of the ugliest planes ever made. No wonder Don let me color that one. I actually only completed the first page of five color profiles in that book - Don did the other page. But, I did all of the black and white line drawings (I think David was busy working on a ship book while I was working on the Frenchies).

There were two books I remember that we all did the color profiles for: U.S. Armor Camouflage & Markings of WWII and the B-24 Liberator book. In the Liberator book, we had to re-create close-ups of the nose art on those planes. That was a nice break from the more technical illustrations.

Because all three of us (David, Don and I) had the same first and last initials, we became known around Squadron as “The Three DGs”. I was surprised to see a review of the B-24 Liberator book in which the author even referred to us as “The Three DGs”.

The Three DGs – Clockwise from top: Don Greer (back of room), Darren Glenn (in foreground, using the large scanner) and David Gebhardt (wearing headphones).

During my three and a half years working at Squadron, I illustrated over 40 books. I don’t remember the exact number, but I counted over 40 that I know I worked on. It might be over 50...it was a lot, I know that. It was an experience I will never forget.

In 2006, Jerry Campbell sold the company and retired. Mike McMahon was the new owner and he had big ideas for the future of MMD/Squadron. These ideas included turning Squadron Mail Order’s monthly 12-page, 2-color flyer into a much larger full-color catalog.

The art department was down to five people. So, the additional work would require hiring more artists. Instead, we were asked to work longer hours and weekends. After two weeks of 11-12 hour days, plus 8-10 hours on Saturday and Sunday with no overtime because we were on salary, I decided to find another job. My daughter was just a baby then and not getting to see her was not working for me. Fortunately, I was able to find a new job quick that not only paid more but was also closer to home. I left Squadron in April 2006.

Before I left Squadron, I created new logos for MMD, Squadron, Squadron.com, Squadron/Signal Publications and Carter & Crowley (the new line of resin figures).

The photos on this page were taken by Michael Benolkin. He wrote an article on Internet Modeler’s website about his visit to Squadron in 2003.