Q: What does that mean?
A: This means that I will walk more than 39 miles in 2 days.

Now, reactions at this point should be mixed. Probably a combination of:

1. WOW!
2. What a great cause!
3. Wait a minute, 39 miles?!? There’s no way.
4. How can I help?

You notice the extra-special bold treatment on the last one?

That’s because I’m going to TELL you what you can do to help. Click on the pink button that says “SUPPORT ME” and help me meet my goal. Look it’s fair alright. I am committing to days and days of training, and 39 miles of walking. All you have to do is move the arrow over to the button over there, click it, and give me some CASH people.

Q: What’s in it for you?
A: Ok, first 10 people to donate $25 or more will receive a prize. It’s a real prize. Placed in the mail by me. To you. And no, it’s not a macaroni necklace.

I’ve even brought it some actor friends of mine to help motivate you.

Seriously. It’s a great cause, I would really appreciate your help.
Global Citizen…. OUT.

There is something very satisfying when you work with people who strive to empower women every day. One of the reasons I enjoy working at Avon is exactly that. We empower women. I graduated from INSEAD a few months ago, and I can say that INSEAD provided me with the opportunity to change my life. I started working at Avon a few months ago, and I can say that Avon provides me with an opportunity to change peoples lives.

A few days ago, I had a chance to spend some time “in the field”. What could have been an exercise in understanding “the last mile” became much more than an exercise. It became a relationship. I’m not going to write about the conversations that I had with these women – that’s probably too private and I’d rather err on the side of caution. Instead I will talk about the impression that these women made – something private to me that I don’t mind sharing.

I have seen a lot of powerfully moving sites in my life: Niagra falls, Taj Mahal, Pyramids of Giza. I have been in the presence of some powerfully moving people in my life: CEOs, preachers, gurus, my parents. The energy that these places and people exude gets inside of your – fuels you. But Avon Representatives take powerful women to a whole new level.

So positive, so determined. They are the embodiment of entrepreneurs. They know their customers, they know their products, they live the lifestyle, and they give back to their communities.

I’m humbled by their influence. They say

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery

I think the title and the graphic give you a hint of what’s to come.

Stay tuned beautiful people.

Global Citizen… OUT.

Football teams have the Hail Mary.

G. W. Bush coined the “shock and awe”.

Today, I will claim the “Fourth Quarter McRib”.

Let me use it in a plot-line for you:
Analyst 1: “I’m downgrading XYZ to a sell”
Analyst 2: “Why would you say something like that? My dear colleague-whose-opinion-I-respect-and-will-not-trash-unless-my-year-end-bonus-depends-on-it”
Analyst 1: “Because they have nothing new, even a first-year could build a model to estimate earnings, that’s how predictable they are”
Analyst 2: “Not I, you pompous wonder. I will be upgrading to a BUY”
Analyst 1: “Now that’s just CRAZY talk”
Analyst 2: “Oh, but you see, they are going to pull a Forth Quarter McRib
Analyst 1: “McRib? As in the sandwich from McDonalds?”
Analyst 2: “One and the same. One. And. The. Same. Let me know if you need me to proofread your resume”

What are they talking about?

They are talking about the McRib. You see, beautiful people, the McRib is more than a tasty sandwich…

(cue sentimental music)

The McRib is a way of life. The McRib reminds you of the simpler days, when the value meals were 2.99 plus tax, where you still could find enough quarters, nickels, and dimes in the couch to feed your french fry addiction. Even if it was just for that between-lunch-before-dinner snack that you thought you could sneak in without mom finding out. But mom knew. Don’t kid yourself. Mom knew. You know HOW she new? Because of the BBQ sauce you had dribbled on your shirt you knob. That’s how.

The McRib represents a childhood memory of yourself, before you moved to the big city…before you tell all your friends you “never eat at McDonalds”, yet the guys working the grill at the McDonald’s around the corner still know your name, but know not to wave at you, for fear of recognition. Let’s just say, more honest days.

So where am I going with this exercise in reminicement? (yes, I know, i SEE that red squiggly line under ‘reminicement’, but I’m not changing it). Simple times, back in the day DAMMIT. I didn’t know how to spell THEN, I certainly don’t need this built-in dictionary in this COMPUTER to tell me that I don’t know how to spell NOW). But I digress.

Well, sharpen your pencils my friends.

Bring out your slide rules. (ok, we’re going waaaay back in the day here)

Because what MCD is doing, is just GENIUS!

This is “existing product, DEAD market” in the Ansoff matrix of new product development.

Let’s see how this works (cue overheard conversation in fictitious strategy room):
Head cheese #1: I think we should go with a bang in 4th quarter
Head cheese #2: Oh man, that would be great, I could really use that McMansion over there in McDreamyLand
Head cheese #1: Should we pull out the big gun?
Head cheese #2: Surely you can’t be serious?
Head cheese #1: Oh, I’m serious.
Head cheese #2: BBQ Sauce?
Head cheese #1: Check.
Head cheese #2: Onions?
Head cheese #1: Check.
Head cheese #2: Fake meat?
Head cheese #1: Well, it’ll have to be “real” meat, but just a slightly longer shape.
Head cheese #2: Sandwich bun?
Head cheese #1: Well, it will have to be a “real” sandwich bun, but just a slightly longer shape.
Head cheese #2: Styrofoam container?
Head cheese #1: Don’t even need it. We have paper.
Head cheese #2: This is genius! I can see the headlines now: Back, for a limited time, the McRib!

My friends, THIS is the silver bullet of “surprise! analysts! we beat expectations!” and you know how we did it? with one. tasty. saucy. sandwich that we invented a LONG freaking time ago.

We just keep bringing it back.

Slap a couple bucks together for marketing.

Dust off the old Styrofoam sandwich holders that were yellow and really good at clogging up landfills, and what do you have?

A Fourth Quarter McRib.

incremental revenue, minimal incremental cost, what does that equal? Say it with me! MCD, Long in the fourth quarter. THAT is my prediction

Now for the obvious disclaimer.

I am not a freaking stock picker. If you read this blog post, and decide to drop your entire life savings into MCD, and it tanks, do not come and sue me. On the other hand, if you read this blog post, and chuckle, then take out your checkbook, and write me a check (suggested donation? your entire life savings) No. Don’t do that. It’s a joke.

Birds? What do birds have to do with hotels? Well, here, at the three storks, the answer is, they are EVERYWHERE. On the door. On the towels. On. The. Umbrellas. That’s right. Just when you thought you were blending in with the locals (if that is even possible, as are tall, blonde, beautiful, and you KNOW I am not) – you open up the umbrella, and BAM. You open up your umbrella, and you declare to the world that you are in fact NOT a local.

Let’s start off.

Lobby: Nice. IKEA furniture-look-alike, but which modern hotel does not have IKEA looking furniture in the lobby. The reception desk is cool, and backlit, and looks like they borrowed it from the set of Star Trek.

Lift/Elevator: Super cool. SUPER SUPER COOL. Local company makes the elevator. This elevator looks like it belongs in the apple store on 57th Street in New York City. Comes complete with blue LED-looking lights. Super. Cool. Oh, and no cheesy club music playing in the elevator either (yes, W hotels, I’m looking at YOU).

Room: Ok, here, I do have to say that I’m a bit biased, as I was upgraded upon check-in. Want to be upgraded too? Sign up for tablethotels PLUS membership. It’s freakin’ WORTH IT. How can I make such a bold claim?

1. Free champagne upon check-in
2. Free room upgrade
3. Free breakfast
4. Free – you seriously want me to keep going?

However, on the room note. Dear Management –- let me share with you some hotel math:

one tiny bed + another tiny bed DOES NOT EQUAL king bed

instead, what you end up with is…

one tiny bed + another tiny bed = uncomfortable night sleep in a gaping crack in the middle of the the pseudo-king bed.

Service: Service, service, service. I LOVE the service here. I want to package up the staff and bring them home with me. They are SO friendly. So courteous. I arrived late, didn’t feel like having the champagne then – could you bring it to my room later? yes.

Could you recommend some places to eat (translation: could you please not just give me the list of places that you have special arrangements with, and actually listen to what I am in the mood for?) YES.

Could you read the special notes section of my reservation that I typed in there when I made the reservations? (There was a special requests section when I made the reservations. I honestly didn’t think they read the requests section, so I made a special request. I asked them for a pony. Yes. A real-life pony.) Upon arriving at the reception desk, they said, “Mr. Davis, we loved your special request, but we couldn’t get a pony that would be able to fit in your room. THAT is an acceptable response to my “special request”.

Location: Short answer, AWESOME. I mean, if you are like me, you want to know if this hotel is going to be in the middle of some action, or if you are going to have to hire some sherpas to schlep your stuff from the armpit of the city that this hotel might be located in. REST ASSURED, this hotel’s location is JUST GREAT! close to everything you want. Let me give you some examples:

1. Suppose you are an American, totally hooked on your starbucks coffee – YES, you can – there is a starbucks within 5 minutes walk.
2. Suppose you are some sort of global nomad on a quest to experience it as the people do, YES, you can – the tram lines, metro are right near the starbucks.
3. Suppose you are some sort of history lover and you want to hit up 8234560 historical sites in the 20 hours you are in Prague – YES, you can – don’t make me draw you a diagram.

Summary: 3 storks. nice place. nice people. nice price.

Happy travels everyone – globalcitizen… OUT.

What should I wear? I don’t like anything that’s in my closet! I can’t find a single thing in here that I like.

No, I didn’t just take the first few lines of “The Babysitter’s Diaries”. Sadly these are thoughts that I’ve been having. Especially over the last few days – right before I start my new job.

Yes people. JOB. I promise I will write another article about my new job – however, THIS article is all about what should I wear?!?

This is not a topic that I take lightly or in jest. I have actually done systematic research about this topic. And for those of you who know me personally, yes, I have an excel document/matrix going about this already.

New job – to top it off, it’s a new CORPORATE job. It’s with an interesting company, but again, I don’t want to digress.

The reality is it’s time for Disco Stu to grow up. The question is how does that happen without turning into Mr. Rogers? (while I do like Mr. Rogers for his educational content, his fashion sense was a rainbow-of-fruit-flavors made up primarily of cardigans)

So let’s look at it systemically. I want to look good at work. I also want to look good at home. I mean, heck, have you SEEN me? I mean, it’s been a few months since my chiseled physique has been in a suit (don’t roll your eyes, it IS possible to chisel out of gouda cheese) but it’s time to do it.

I’ve broken down the problem like this:

Criteria

1. Functional
2. Stylish
3. Comfortable
4. Versatile 

Approach

1. Shop by brand
2. Shop by requirement
3. Shop by price

Research

1. What are the guys in the catalogues wearing?
   1. Which catalogues?
   2. How do you rank them?
   3. How do you make sure you don’t go broke buying clothes?
2. What are the guys in the office/bar/location of choice wearing?
   1. Which bars?
   2. Which location?
   3. How do you know THEY are considered fashionable?
   4. How do you know they didn’t go broke buying clothes?
3. What do the women think the guys should be wearing?
   1. Same problem – who are these women?
   2. How do we separate “expert opinion” from “loud opinion”?

While each of these questions could probably warrant a separate blog post on each of them, the reality is that I do not know the answers. I am currently trial-and-error’ing my way through European clothing stores, looking at what I might like and asking various people what they think. Now, I’m only making my way through Europe because I have not made it state-side yet.

If you have any opinions on this matter. SUBMIT THEM. I need as much help as you could probably imagine

Much love and happiness everyone.

That’s “Mr. Corporate Global Citizen, MBA” to you

My name is Mike Davis, and I am in love. No, this is not an online posting where I propose to some woman about how I would like to spend the rest of my life with her, and wobble on one knee while she swoons over how romantic I am. Let’s face it, there are a lot of prerequisites that need to be met before that happens. Not to mention the most important one, having a girlfriend. But I digress.

I have a new love. Well, more like a reliable friend that has never let me down, my friend’s name is the Bloomberg terminal. Instead of making this a rambling post of all the reasons why I love this bad boy, I thought I would make a list. One, to ease readability. Two, to increase the likelihood that someone would click on this article (don’t ask me, it’s proven that <insert number> reasons why <something crazy> formula increases click rate).

So here we go….

6. It makes me sound smart. Whether looking or facts on a company, stalking researching a industry contact, or reading about what the meltdown in Greece means to me. After spending some time with this terminal, I sound smarter.

5. Fancy keyboard. I’m not sure if that image up there does this keyboard justice, but there are something like 2094385350 keys on this keyboard. (I might be exaggerating, but man, I don’t even have to type the word “equity”, I just hit F8. Now don’t get me wrong, I think the Optimus keyboard is pretty amazing, with it’s LED keys and totally programmable keys, but the feel of this keyboard is just so OLD school… CLACK CLACK CLACK, yeah, you hear that sound? That’s ME. That’s me RESEARCHING baby… come over here and let’s have a conversation, I’m going to slow play all this K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E like Jesus at World Series of Poker.

4. Dual screens of death. The only thing that would make me feel more like Michael Douglas in the movie Wall Street was if I got on my phone and started some rant about how everyone should short some arbitrary something or other instrument of financial wizardry. I mean, I have charts, news, management bios, common-sized statements all on the screen, AT THE SAME TIME. You want to know what’s going on with <insert company name>, come over here to my dual screens, give me 10 seconds, I will give you a snapshot.

3. Amazing suggestions. Just when I thought there was no other way to slice, dice, and analyze this data, BAM, my trusty friend comes up with a suggestion. Want to chart economic indicators next to company fundamentals? (ask me why that’s important… go ahead, I DARE you to ask me why that is important) Well, here is the abbreviation you can type up in the command bar area to do that. Been spending too much time in the dark pit that is called “independent research”, want to know what’s going on in New York City, type TNYC. BAM. KNOWLEDGE.

2. Orange is my favorite color. You know what is critical when you are spending 34583457 hours behind the computer researching? A font, and a color that reduces eye strain. (coincidentally, it also makes for some very cool looking charts and graphs). Get four windows across the Dual Screens of death (see above) do some comparisons, read the news, get some awesomeness going on the tickers… then leave and go get a soda or something… trust me, try it. It’s like a venus fly trap for curious minds…. Hey Mike, what are you doing? Oh me, I’m just, you know, looking at some betas across different financial instruments to hedge the exposure in my portfolio… you know, as you do on a Sunday afternoon (though you can’t trade on it, because the markets are not open, but who’s getting technical here?).

1. Live help. You heard that right people. LIVE freaking’ HELP!!! On anything you want. Literally. ANYTHING. Press help twice, and it’s like rubbing the genie lamp. BAM. Here is an example conversation.

THEM: Hey, how may I help you?

ME: Oh, you know, I’m trying to hedge the exposure in my portfolio, is there some way I can see the price of beans in china?

THEM: Certainly, type P BEANS CHINA in the command bar, you’re get the price of beans in china.

ME: Cool, thanks, can I export that so that I can run Gaussian-Fibonacci-Madonna-Artist-Formerly-Known-As-Prince distribution on the data set?

THEM: Absolutely, that’s the GFMAFKAP export, you can access that on the little drop down or if you are a fan of keyboard only action, because every second counts when you are doing research, you can just type 96 and hit enter.

Seriously, I just had this conversation   If you’re curious about the output, I’ve included it.

Next order of business. Send this love note to someone at Bloomberg, and beg them some sort of discounted pricing so that I can feed my addiction.

Hope you all have having amazing days (that’s AMZ DAY GO – if you must know)

What you say:

“I really want to work at COMPANY. All the people I know who work at COMPANY are amazing representatives of VALUE 1, VALUE 2, and VALUE 3 that I find EXAGGERATED FEELING.”

What you mean:

“Your company kool-aid is tasty. Lots of people have drank it, and some are still drinking it. On the off chance that I might have the opportunity to drink it, I will subject myself to your ratings system. Now, given that your hiring practices are on par with cattle heading to the slaughter house, I have prepared some alternative plans for myself that I don’t feel comfortable sharing with you.”

Another week here, another 200+ egos bruised. That is the state of the union. There are some who did make it, and some who made it to yet another round of interviews.

No worries. Dust yourselves off. It’s not you (unless, like someone I know, not me of course, but a friend of mine from umm… Canada, but you don’t know him) thought that 40% of 1b USD is 40m USD.

Pursue alternatives. You should pursue alternatives like it is your JOB. In fact, it should be your job.

I don’t feel bad for people who got DINGed – that part is life. Don’t be angry at the companies who DINGed you. They are liberating you.

I feel terrified for those without alternatives. Channel your efforts to power your idea generation capabilities, to unlock the potential of your BRAIN. You have spent resources growing your brain, use it.

Even if you end up selling kittens and lemonade, make sure you size the market, create an offering, maximize value, and LOVE your life.

Much love, and hugs for those who need it – now get up and get out there!

We have trained for months and now we are rounding the corner of Opportunity Boulevard and Career Drive.

Welcome to our race.

We are business school students.

We are leaders.

We are human beings.

We represent potential.

We are not commodities.

We are not hiring statistics.

We are not headcount.

Do not thank us for our interest in your positions, or wish us the best of luck in our future endeavours. We are grown-ups, we can take rejection. You have made some of us cry, you have made a lot of us sad, but you can not stop us.

We will band together and we will create opportunities. We will buy prime real estate along Opportunity Boulevard and Career Drive.

To those of you in the race next year, keep in mind, it’s actually a Triathlon.

You will swim in a deep Blue Ocean, ride through the plains of Discounted Cash Flows and run the First 100 Days of Turnarounds.

And don’t worry, we will reserve the plot next to ours on Opportunity Boulevard just for you.

There comes a time in every man’s life when he realises that he needs to change. And sometimes this change in behaviour is subtle. Sometimes this change in behaviour is fundamental. This, my dear readers of this blog, is rather subtle. The tone of this blog will be changing.

Now, for months, post after post, you have become accustomed to a certain, how should we put it, irreverence about the state of affairs? A certain joie de vivre ?

Well, I have been approached to write for, and on behalf of an organisation. An organisation, that over the last few months has become very near and dear to my heart.

This organisation that has forever earned place on my parents’ mantle wall as well as real estate on my resume. Right under “Education”.

So what does this mean for you? Aside from a access to some fun facts about this organisation, it also means a change in tone. This Persian author, who grew up in America, is going to go back to the origins of the founding fathers of America – the United Kingdom. The English will now be British English.

The colorful commentary will now be colourful.

The irreverent behavior will still be irreverent, but will be irreverent behaviour.

And finally, while the pen is still mightier than the sword. This author has traded his pen for a …

quill.

And, this author is no longer JACKED about this opportunity. He is rather pleased.

Ahhh, the DINGs continue. This just forwarded to me…

Student received the following DING letter less than 24 hours after applying to a job. Check out the audacity of this firm.

“Thank you for your interest in the ROLE position with COMPANY.  The quality of applications for this role were particularly high and we regret to inform you, we will not be progressing your application any further for this particular role as there were others whose skills and experience matched our requirements more closely.

Unfortunately we are unable to give individual feedback at this stage of the process, however we would like to take this opportunity to thank you for your interest in COMPANY and request that you continue to visit http://WEBSITE to look for other roles that maybe a good fit for your skills and interests.   As you will see we are always looking for top talent.  If you happen to come upon a role that is a better fit for a colleague or friend, please send them our way!”

Favorite part of the letter — the use of the exclamation mark. Let me translate that for you in simpler words.

“We didn’t even have to finish the cup of coffee we were drinking to figure out that there is no way we are hiring your dumb ass. On the off chance that you have smart friends, send THOSE people our way. Feel free to look around our site for other opportunities for us to kill what remains of your self esteem.”

Ladies and gentlemen… it’s not just you. It’s DING season.. it’s happening to everyone (except for the author of this blog, because he is totally employable for all jobs in the universe. That’s right. ALL OF THEM.)