Riding your bike is fun and good for your health… until it kills you in a very nasty, bloody manner! Yes, before the days of helmets and texting while riding, kids met horrible endings while playing on their bikes and other activities enjoyed by the Leave it to Beaver, 1960′s crowd. I guess God doesn’t like bikes for sinners!

So, let’s step back into the days of girls in neat skirts, boys with crew cuts and collared shirts, no homeless or people of color in a fantasy world of two-color printing, art that looks like it was drawn in prison, sentence breaks done by illiterates and certain death if you break the rules.

Especially if it’s in the middle of the road.

As opposed to the bikes we’ll see later on? At least this is a “clean” death.

It’s only red ink. Stop being such a crybaby!

No. Parked cars don’t move. It’s the moving cars you need to avoid. You would think cowboys would know that!

Chuck obviously had a one-track mind if he didn’t see the train coming. Darwinism in action!

“Crumpled” is a great word! Oh, and too bad about Elmer. Maybe some glue will help?

From a bike crash? Were they going 100 miles an hour? Sounds like Bill and Joe had an insurance scam going.

She was run down by the haircut police!

Is life in a town where all vehicles are red as frightening as it seems? Maybe they are already in Hell, suffering the same bike accident over and over… for eternity!

He seems bored by being on fire. I would be jumping around and screaming.

Another fatal accident caused by the killar misspelled sign truck!

Joe seems to be in a lot of accidents. Why do they keep giving him a bike… the implement of death?!

Then he is to blame and I don’t feel sorry for him at all. He was my least favorite Beatle, anyway!

“Another healthy boy?” Sounds like a pedo-writer was the author.

And once again, Joe is a killer. Won’t anyone stop him and his “Schwinn o’ Death”?!

It’s just too bad they couldn’t find the bike’s handlebars after the accident.

The badly drawn driver AND Jack seem very pleased. “YAY! Another healthy boy for Heaven!”

Will she ride a bike again?

Propaganda art is fascinating, powerful and plays on emotions. There are few nations in the world who keep up with this art form but it’s usually aimed at encouraging the country’s citizens to study hard, increase production, have male babies and not watch American Idol. Still, the dedicated and proud people of North Korea keep up the struggle against the running imperialist dogs of America on a daily basis while their former leader collected Precious Moments statuettes and Barbies and his replacement can’t seem to find a good barber.

So, to help the people forget their troubles, propaganda is cranked out to convince the citizens that as bad as things might be… er, I mean as wonderful as things might be… it’s preferable to the torture and death that will be brought by hip hop-humming, iPhone-using, pants-down-around-their-asses-wearing, video game-playing Americans. Can you blame them?

“Death to US imperialists, our sworn enemy!” You can identify Americans by the flag we wear wrapped around us and the giant “missile” sticking out of our pants.

“The US is truly an Axis of Evil” And apparently in very bad need of a manicure.

It says something about ridding the planet of America. Even so, McDonald’s will continue to take over the world.

We will bring Koreans the horrors of American dentistry!

Americans use Korean women as bulletin boards to leave messages of hate and shopping lists.

Kim Jong-Il tests the new bumper car model for the Pyongyang Six Flags… with matching .50 caliber machine guns and grenade launcher!

Seriously, aside from the examples of great graphics and art that comes out fo hate and fear, people are really all the same no matter where they are from and often victim to political agenda when all they want to do is live, love and laugh. So, I invite the North Koreans to a big dance mixer with Americans. That should clear up we are not so different after all.

Images stolen by imperialist aggression, from the Weird Retro page on Facebook. ©The Democratic People’s Republic of North Korea.

Sometimes there’s just too much good stuff on the web at one time. So, instead of the 10 best of this or the top designed that, here’s some recent cool, weird and strange creative stuff from all over the web.

RIP Ray Harryhausen

You know his work and yesterday Facebook was filled with sad memorials to Ray Harryhausen, the man who made special effects what they are today through his stop-motion animation, inspiring generations of filmakers and amazing filmgoers. Mr. Harryhausen was 92 and his body of work was so huge, no other special effects professional will ever be able to match the number of films he had worked upon.

One of Harryhausen’s earliest works was for a George Pal short, animating the screwballs in this piece that was obviously a poke at the fascism spreading across Europe at the time.

May ALLAH Your Dreams Come True!

And the complaints have already started rolling in on this greeting card from Nobleworks, a greeting card company in New Jersey that is no stranger to complaints. The company motto is “Dare to Laugh,” according to NobleWorks president, Ron Kanfi. It’s apparently also “F@#% ‘em if They Can’t Take a Joke!”

The Muslim doll may be a dynamite joke to some but the Council on American-Islamic Relations isn’t amused. A case of “too soon?” Well, when it comes to shocking cards, NobleWorks thinks it’s always just right.

This isn’t thee first time NobleWorks, Inc. has felt the heat on one of their cards. The first card, created by the original owner, the late Chris Noble, was a cat recipe card, showing a cat and a meatloaf with the words, “from this, to this.” Animal rights activists weren’t so pleased by that one, or the seasonal reindeer recipe card, either.

Weird Retro

There are some weird pages on Facebook, but if you enjoy retro and weirdness, then you need to “like” the Weird Retro page to see some really cool stuff!

You’ll know you’ve found the page when you see the cover image.

Nothing sells 1970s fashion like Ultraman villains attacking models.

Search as I could, there was no news about anyone winning this prize. I’m guessing it was one of those comic book ad things that were made out of cardboard and atomic waste.

Speaking of atomic waste, this science kit toy from the 1950s contained actual samples of U-238. That’s why grandpa’s hair fell out and he glows in the dark.

What kid wants harmless fun?

And we were told not to play with our food. Guaranteed to satisfy your desire for something sweet and a poked out eye!

Nothing like taking out one’s anger on a beloved cartoon character… like a baby Bam-Bam or the mentally handicapped “Scatterbrain.” Who wouldn’t want to smack Spongebob or an elderly person in a wheelchair?

Just think… these women are someone’s grandmother. Hey, you’ll put out someone’s eye with those pointy things!

Making fun of North Koreans is always in season. Do they really have secret weapon purses that shoot death rays?

A 1951 magazine cover from Japan. She is the egg woman… coo-coo-ka-choo!

Back when child abuse was a selling point for coffee.

Creative Child Abuse Ads

From Y & R Mexico, these ads show the cycle of abuse in a powerful way.

The hidden Message About Abuse Only Kids Can See

In an effort to provide abused children with a safe way to reach out for help, a Spanish organization called the Aid to Children and Adolescents at Risk Foundation, or ANAR for short, created an ad that displays a different message for adults and children at the same time.

Obi-Wanna Find Out Your Star Wars Job?

Nothing like a good nerd infographic for a career choice. Why bother with the high school guidance counselor when the force is there for you?

 Barbie’s Dream Train Station

New York’s Grand Central Station has seen its share of art installations and urine puddles but this life-sized doll house is probably the largest piece of art since the station’s astronomy ceiling was installed. Having travelled through GCS for most of my life, I can confidently say it also makes a great nightly hotel for some homeless people who live in the corners and tunnels of the station.

Are You Truly A-CLONE in This World?

In her project called ‘Stranger Visions,’ NYC-based artist Heather Dewey-Hagborg creates sculpted faces of people — all of whom she has never met—by using their DNA.

Collecting discarded pieces of gum, cigarette butts and loose hair, she extracts the DNA from these samples and uses a software to turn them into creepy life-like human masks, which she hangs on gallery walls — like mounted heads. At least she CLAIMS she uses DNA and these are just models. YIPES!

Gun Show Fun

Gun shows aren’t just a collection of thousands of weapons, ammo, T-shirts warning of government conspiracies and future self-inflicted wound people. There are also some products that are fun for the entire family!

Guns and Roses?

Is a million volts the same power they use to execute criminals in the electric chair? Thank goodness it’s marked that it’s not a functioning cell phone, even though I’m guessing someone will hit the wrong button to make a call and fry their head. Hooray for Darwinism!

What’s “South of Your Border?”

AY! It’s Señor Cajonés and he’s the new mascot in Brazil to bring the problem testicles face each and every day, when hugged and patted by beautiful women. Actually, it’s to publicize testicular cancer, but it’s still a strange way of doing it. I just don’t want to see the mascot, “Limpy” for male erectile disfunction or “Stinky” the Colon. I’ll bet no woman would be hugging them!

Hola, ladies!

Why is it that Señor Cajonés has a really stupid look on his face? I mean, do men make stupid choices based on our… oh, never mind. We do.

Thumbs up for… I really don’t want to know!

Gif Me More of These!

Creating gifs is fun and can become viral marketing of your work, as well as embarrass the hell out of friends and loved ones!

There are some great art schools out there. If not for my instructors and the school, I wouldn’t have made it in the design industry. There are also some really bad art schools out there, too. In fact, there are too many bad art schools out there, making false promises to students, smiling as they help arrange a $40,000 debt to the poor saps who think online learning for a visual, thinking career can be learned AND earned via the internet, as well as the for-profit schools that shove a new batch of wide-eyed hopefuls through the mill in just two years. Welcome to the biggest design-related scam of the past decade.

There are people who are self-taught, who have an innate talent, more a gift, for design and creativity, and, at the other end of the spectrum, those who have no hope at all to create something that’s not pro boon because that’s all they can get, along with the $25 logos they do for family members. Then there are those who by lack of means, have limited choices for studying the craft. They are stuck in schools that are not known for turning out successful professionals because they have limited budgets for design courses.

As I travel the United States, speaking at different schools, meeting administrators and teachers alike, I’ve realized that there are people out there that have no freaking idea what it is they are teaching. One connection of mine, who teaches several courses for a well-known online art school, emails me every now and then, asking if I can give him freelance work or advice on how to find clients.

“Don’t you teach a business course for students on how to find and deal with clients?” He never really answers that but it brings up the old saying, those who can’t do, teach. What about those who can’t teach? They get tenure at certain schools… and you pay $10,000 a semester to “learn” from them.

Just the other day, before a local design group meeting (an loose organization that has no dues or membership requirements — only that one should be a professional designer), one particular talentless individual who stalks other members for advice and portfolio reviews, only to argue every point given her and never having done a professional project, announced she wouldn’t make the meeting because she was hired as a volunteer coordinator for some small, non-creative organization, but would be teaching typography at a local college.

At the meeting, someone brought up the posting by this person and asked how the hell could she be hired to teach anything design related, much less something as important and difficult as typography. It’s something I’ve noticed — “art schools” often hire happy morons who won’t really teach students that the design field is not artPLAY. It’s artWORK!

While I apologize for the generality in these words, knowing many fine teachers who give their all to teach and mentor students and steer them into success, let these words also be the proverbial “spit in the face” to those who should never mention they teach design in front of professional designers, illustrators and photographers who see through the haze and know shite when they smell it.

Sure enough, it was only a matter of time before someone got serious about bridging the gap for serious students with bad art school degrees and talented individuals who seek to learn themselves through the resources on the internet. With the brand name, “Damn You Art School,” it seems pretty clear what they think of the state of art schools and they supply a chance for dedicated creatives to round out and sharpen their skills and needs for a successful career.

When I first ran across the site, my first thought was that they were ripping off my series of articles, written for instantshift.com, entitled, “Professional Practices They Don’t Teach You in Art School” as well as my other articles around web design blogs, bashing art schools for helping to destroy the industry and the lives of those who merely wish to enter the creative field. It turns out the site offers some impressive tools for freelancers — tools I have never heard one “design teacher” ever suggest. Looks like they hit a needed niche.

Owned by 4ormat.com, the portfolio site, Damn You Art School (DYAS) is, to quote a spokesperson:

Recognizing the lack of knowledge regarding business-enhancing resources in the creative community, Damn You Art School was born to help creative independent business owners be more successful.

You mean others are recognizing that art schools don’t prepare creatives for their chosen industry? I’m so surprised

According to Ms. Sofija Obradovic, the Marketing Manager of DYAS:

Damn You Art School (DYAS) was an initiative created by 4ormat as a way to give back to the creative community. After recognizing the lack of education photographers, designers, and artists face with respect to business enhancing resources, DYAS was made to educate creatives on services to enhance productivity and time management, improve technical skills, better manage their personal business, and encourage inspiration.

That’s a pretty… assertive name for the site. What do the people at DYAS think established art schools lack and why?

The name “Damn You Art School” is meant to be tongue and cheek. As art school graduates, we realized the struggles that creatives face when it comes to running a professional business. We received a fantastic education in our respective fields but we lacked knowledge on how to run the business side of our creative pursuits and found ourselves from time-to-time muttering “Damn You School!”. Though how much business knowledge can we really expect? Just like a medical school provides education on the ins and outs of being a doctor, an art/design school is not expected to provide a business education. That’s what business school is for and that’s why DYAS was born.

As creative professionals we’ve been lucky to learn about business enhancing tools through word of mouth, our web design/programmer friends, and keeping up with tech and creative publications. We decided what better way to give back to our fellow creatives than to put all of these wonderful tools in one place. A place they can reference, bookmark, and use as business toolkits to aid in their success.

How has the site been received since it launched? Ms. Obradovic says:

Damn You Art School has generated quite the buzz with over 11,000 views since our launch last Friday, in conjunction with 2013 World Creativity and Innovation Week.

Not bad, but what is the growth potential for DYAS?

Since DYAS was created as a free initiative to give back to the creative community, we have no particular growth prospects. We simply hope that creatives find it useful and share the knowledge with their fellow creatives, so that everyone has a chance of reaching their full potential.

What? Free? No huge debt for learning? Reaching one’s full potential? Click around the DYAS site and see some of the cool apps and tools that will help creatives at any level in the profession and kudos to them for doing it all for free!

The internet has affected many industries. Retail is losing out to ecommerce. Cable TV is fighting online services for TV shows and movies. Will art schools lose out to internet resources for creatives? Online art schools don’t offer this much and certainly not for free. What a shame if (more so, when) these online school scam shops go out of business. I hope they take some physical schools along with them into a cold and lonely grave, fading from memory and any damage they can do to dedicated art students.

Well, Mad Men are back on the air, reminding us of a somewhat skewed view of life and business of advertising on Madison Avenue in the 1960s. Still, while the backstabbing, sexual affairs, backstabbing and more backstabbing is as accurate as can be, even for censors of a late night cable show, the ads they work on just aren’t true to the creative force of the day. While Hollyweird can’t match the creativity of the day… or any creativity now, The least they could do was look up the plethora of ads that had people sitting in front of the TV to watch the commercials, which were as entertaining as the shows themselves. Maybe more so!

Yes, every brand had a “jingle.” These musicals for the short-attention-span audience were original and fully orchestrated, as opposed to the practice of using existing pop tunes these days.

During the 1960s, most shows had one sponsor and being sponsored by one company, the characters often did the commercials for the sponsor’s product. There are many shows from the 1960s you won’t see on tv because the opening of the show included a cigarette commercial or for a product that is no longer a sponsor. If you do see these shows, the openings are cut out, which allows for other advertisers and more saved original content.

There are hours upon hours of commercials available on YouTube, so, enjoy, observe, learn and figure out why we make such different commercials these days.

Of course, as movies and drive-ins were still popular, before the days of BetaMax, VCRs, LaserDisc and DVDs, there was a need for commercials for the theaters, as well as the coming attractions. Madison Avenue jumped on that like people just on the latest social media app.

McDonald’s has been on the forefront of advertising since the 1960s, helping it become the number one restaurant choice, global entity, billion dollar corporation with the most recognized logo in our known universe. I guess their contract with da debil worked out?!

It’s those old Saturday morning commercials that were probably the most challenging to the Mad Men. They couldn’t use smoking, drinking or large-breasted models in the ads for kids…. so they only went with the large-breasted model route. If you like retro toy commercials, check out this article with a ton of funny and cool toy commercials!

And toys were specialized advertising in the 1960s; for whites, to whites. from whites. Diversity and inclusion wasn’t a factor as that had not been scientifically discovered until 1996.

But, remember, these were the changing 1960s and even though the words, characters and themes were the horrid, un-pc things that would never be used now, are part of the history of Madison Avenue and the whole United States at that moment in time. The one common thread that reaches from then until now are the actors in these ads. The hairstyles, music and fashions may change, but those souess actors and voiceovers will always be with us, unchanged… a walking dead, so to speak.

And we leave you with the creepiest commercial ever made… also a product of the 1960s. Thanks for the nightmares, Mad Men!

Featured image ©GL Stock Images

Boston Strong

Artwork: Tawng and vectomart

Boston Marathon 2013 Memorial

Artwork: bender and yurkaimmortal

Boston Strong 2

Artwork: Tawng and yurkaimmortal

If you walk into a design studio, you are sure to find two things designers love: Toys and tattoos. I’m no different, sporting a dozen or so different pictures on my body with more to be added. If you have one, you know they are addictive and you can hardly wait to get your next inking.

I’ve always drawn my own tattoo designs, then I get a few friends to hold me down while a tattoo artists inks me. When I see great inspiration, I get excited about my next tat and these watercolor tattoos (not the inks, just the style and look) are high art but I’m not a watercolor artist, so I doubt I’ll be doing one of these for myself. Still, seeing some of these makes me think of what I could do for something along this line. Take a look at these (see more on Buzzfeed) and I’m sure you’ll be seeing your favorite tattoo artists very, very soon.

A close-up view of a forearm with the technique to make tattoo ink appear to be a watercolor.

Paper and skin. Two different drawing surfaces and two different mediums.

Yes, it’s beautiful work, unlike some examples of the worst tattoos that appear on the web. Be careful who you pick to place that permanent mark on your body and when you find that talented artist, hold onto him or her because a great tattoo artist isn’t so easy to find.

It was only a matter of time before a new third-party perversion was introduced to Facebook users… after Farmville, of course. Well, why not? If you can’t invent something new, then invent the next evolution of an existing product. It seems the market was ripe for a way to use Facebook for other purposes… or rather the original purpose the Winklevoss twins saw for ConnectU while, as the story goes, someone stole their idea.

The new app, free for use, is called Lovermatic and functions on Facebook to… er… to… to allow you to get closer with a Facebook connection without the usual timeline postings or other privacy issues. The builder of the app says, “the idea of the app is to gap the barriers between people that might be in your facebook, and you’d like to, let’s say, invite for a coffee.” However, he also says, “the idea is to connect Facebook contacts that would like to have something that night ”

Well, at least it starts with a nice, romantic coffee! I’ve had less complicated foreplay than that.

The truth is, there are other apps that use really advanced algorithms that choose what’s the best match for you. As the developer asserts — Lovermatic say “hey, YOU should choose who you think would make a good pairing for you (at least for a coffee).”

The process seems easy enough:

Doesn’t everyone’s mother tell them, “you get what you pay for” or have clients become so cheap they are actually carrying through on their threat to let their 12 year-old niece Photoshop their print ads and magazine covers?

The next time a clients says, “it’s just a little Photoshopping… it shouldn’t take you more than five minutes,” show them this collection of five minute Photoshop jobs… then double your rate while they’re retching their guts out.

This company sells exclusively to homeowners on Tatooine. Fabrics guaranteed not to fade under the two sun sky!

“Daddy, will it hurt when the doctor separates us and do I get another normal-sized leg?”

Is the person behind her… him… it, ducking down to stay out of the picture or do you need four hands to load a pizza into an oven? I’ve never really paid attention at my local pizzeria.

Oh, GOD! Please tell me it’s just a belt strap or a piece of clothing.

Gee, the republicans were almost right… he’s an alien but not from Kenya.

Kids, too much “necking” causes problems later in life.

“Suzy! Suzy! It’s Big Suzy from Mirrorland. The time has come to kill all grownups who don’t believe in Mirrorland and send you to your room without supper!”

Do you really want to shake this athletes hand? At least cover it in Vaseline!

The New Victoria Secrets leather-bound brass knuckles

She’s just detached her jaw so she can swallow her friend’s carcass whole. Most women can do that you know.

Rebecca’s part-time job is delivering horse heads to the Godfather’s enemies. Tips aren’t so good.

Look into his eyes and buy this outfit… buy this outfit… buy this outfit…

She plays a cop on TV? What size hat do they give her and can she fit into a police cruiser without greasing up the sides of here tremendous noggin?

Maybe she has a nice personality? I’d date her and… DON’T TOUCH ME THERE!

Maybe she’d agree to wear gloves to bed. We can make this relationship work and… BARF!

The next time you’re at a fancy restaurant, ask the waiter if he has frog’s legs. If he says yes, tell him to hide them under baggy pants! What they hell was someone thinking with this catalog shot?

Mr. Chan knows the ancient Kung Fu secret of being able to stand five feet away from his elbow joint.

She’s normal size. The furniture is tiny. What do you expect for that price?

Poor guy stopped his bike short and his rider kept going forward… except he was holding her hand at the time. Wait… that’s a guy’s hand he’s holding.

No matter how you look at it… she has a huge head… for eating undersized French babies!

It came from the sea to steal our food and we killed it with sticks!

Juan is berry, berry sexyful but the wimeen no like his two navels. They are jealous of Juan! Jes, JEALOUS!

Yeah, yeah — I smoke and it will kill me, but so will life. There are all sorts of ads that tell me I’ll die a horrid death but none that told me that about marrying a psychopath. Still, people try to warn us and it’s a valiant effort. If it keeps kids from starting to smoke then I’m all for it. Some of these ads might do it, but in my experience, the ones that are really frightening are pulled quickly. Big tobacco doesn’t like people trying to save their customers.

Sure, every time there’s some congressional hearing, representatives from the tobaccos industry say that cigarettes are not addictive. HA! Any smoker will tell you they are, and coming up with an ad or or commercial that actually makes people consider quitting is pure genius. Here’s some interesting attempts. Do they make you feel like you should quit smoking, or do you want to join me and the other “cool kids” behind the building, puffing away?

Oddly enough, even back in the days of “Mad Men” and being able to smoke in offices, elevators and hospitals, there were anti-smoking commercials. The American Cancer Society fought a large lobby of pro-tobacco supporters. Still, they tried and people took notice.

Another commercial, aired sometime in the early 1980s, showed a woman smoking and little by little, she was covered in tar and nicotine until she was completely covered and screaming. The tag line was simple and effective: “If what happened on your Inside, happened on your outside, would you still smoke?”

It was so effective and frightening, somehow it disappeared from TV and you can’t even find it on You Tube. However, an image of a print ad still exists…

In Europe, where even babies and dogs smoke, they have tried ads to stop people from smoking. Naturally, the French have their own bend (“Smoking makes you a slave to tobacco”).

In Finland, posters are placed around army barracks to discourage smoking among soldiers. Talk about “make love, not war.” Why do the Fins have penis guns?

But what works better than attacking a man’s penis? The praying woman is a good touch. Why not try Viagra, folks?

I guess this is why we haven’t seen Johnny Depp in a while.

I’m feeling that lugging a giant popscicle to the roof and standing on it might be stupider.

Perhaps using Hiroshima and the atomic bomb may be a bit too much, even for smokers.

I don’t want to live to see our planes running from an alien invasion or robot Bin Laden as a Yankee fan, thank you very much!

The goat, however, seems quite pleased, so who are we to judge?

A little Hieronymus Bosch makes an artistic ad but a weird message.

A strong image. Unfortunately it’s a military graveyard.

Who? Why do you need six bullets… cigarettes?

It looks like a North Korean cigarette, invading the south of your lungs. “Smoking will make you Kim Jong Ill!”

An ad for the digital age. I hope it’s dial up service.

I’ve GOT to get one of these ashtrays!

And, on this creepy note, I’ll end this article and go outside for a smoke.