God's Best Gift

Stages of Loss and Grief

2013-05-21T17:49:00.001+08:00

Grieving is very unfamiliar to me. I also do not know if I am coping right. I read that there are stages or process of grieving . According to the article written by Julie Axelrod, published in psychcentral.com the five stages are :

1. Denial and Isolation - The first reaction to learning of terminal illness or death of a cherished loved one is to deny the reality of the situation. It is a normal reaction to rationalize overwhelming emotions. It is a defense mechanism that buffers the immediate shock. We block out the words and hide from the facts. This is a temporary response that carries us through the first wave of pain.

That it is so true and I know I’m done with that, the first moment I heard from my sister that my father passed away early morning of May 5, I was in denial for days, I’m trying to act as normal as I can and imagining that we are all there for a special occasion and not because we lost our Dad.

2. Anger - As the masking effects of denial and isolation begin to wear, reality and its pain re-emerge. We are not ready. The intense emotion is deflected from our vulnerable core, redirected and expressed instead as anger. The anger may be aimed at inanimate objects, complete strangers, friends or family. Anger may be directed at our dying or deceased loved one. Rationally, we know the person is not to be blamed. Emotionally, however, we may resent the person for causing us pain or for leaving us. We feel guilty for being angry, and this makes us more angry.

I don’t know if I went to this stage or if I am yet to go through this. So far, I haven’t felt anger to anyone and I hope not. Or probably yes, when I learned about my father’s sickness, I was at times mad to Doctors, to people that seems do not understand what we’re going through that time. But when he died, I do not remember getting angry all throughout the wake.

3. Bargaining - The normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability is often a need to regain control–

If only we had sought medical attention sooner…
If only we got a second opinion from another doctor…
If only we had tried to be a better person toward them…

Secretly, we may make a deal with God or our higher power in an attempt to postpone the inevitable. This is a weaker line of defense to protect us from the painful reality.

I had the series of “Ifs” even before my father left us. I guess we all go through that.

4. Depression - Two types of depression are associated with mourning. The first one is a reaction to practical implications relating to the loss. Sadness and regret predominate this type of depression. We worry about the costs and burial. We worry that, in our grief, we have spent less time with others that depend on us. This phase may be eased by simple clarification and reassurance. We may need a bit of helpful cooperation and a few kind words. The second type of depression is more subtle and, in a sense, perhaps more private. It is our quiet preparation to separate and to bid our loved one farewell. Sometimes all we really need is a hug.

I must be in this stage now, though not the depressed type of wanting your world to stop but I admit I am having signs of depression probably because of the sadness and the pain of losing someone you love so dearly. Right now, I don’t want to go to work, I want to sleep as long as I can and I don’t want to face people and act normal. But of course, since I cannot afford to live like that – I am now back to work, I already attended a ministry meeting, went to church last Sunday but avoided as much as I could a whole lot of people. I don’t want to talk about stuff and pretend that everything is alright because I am not alright. NOT YET.

5. Acceptance

I know in my heart I’ve already accepted the fact that my father is now with our Creator but it’s the feeling of not seeing him again ever that causes so much pain. The thought that I will never ever hear his voice again, I will never see him smile again and he will not be there anymore during family celebrations –It’s so painful and every time that thought crawl into my mind –I cry. And it creep into your mind unexpectedly eh. Even if I am doing things, work and all, sometime I caught myself staring to nowhere and thinking about my father.

But to end this post, I know grieving is just a phase and that whether you like it or not, you’ll get through that phase someday.

I like this quote about grieving I saw from somewhere in the internet

“ It is in the thorough allowing of the grieving process that true healing occurs”

I am allowing myself to grieve thoroughly so I’m sure healing will come soon.

Grieving

2013-05-14T13:36:00.000+08:00

for the loss of my dearest father, he joined our creator last May 05. For now I will let my heart grieve, I know healing will come after.

7th wedding anniversary :)

2013-04-29T01:28:00.000+08:00

(Late wedding anniversary post)

I can't believe it was 7 years ago when I made that walk in the red carpet.I can still remember how I managed not to cry while walking. I smiled all through out while my husband sang a song he specially composed for that day. I was the happiest girl that day. I dream of a beautiful wedding but God gave me more than that. He even chose the best husband for me.

Seven years. It's like we were only married for a year :) naks! honeymoon stage pa rin?

I love you mahal and I will always will!!!

Thought of the Day

2013-04-18T12:30:00.000+08:00

:(

2013-04-09T04:26:00.000+08:00

My father's health is deteriorating. And for days now, I've been hearing the phrase
"you should get your self ready"
"he's leaving you soon"
"you should give him all he wants now"

I know it is inevitable but how can someone be ready for the death of a love one? specifically of a Father?

How can I say I am now ready and I am prepared.
I can and I might say that... but it means I am lying because I can never be ready for that.
I AM NOT.

*~*~*

He was rushed to the hospital last Wednesday night. I hurriedly went home and just got back now. He was out of the hospital but he is not okay. Better maybe but not good. It was so hard to leave him and I've been crying.

But I am not losing HOPE.

PRAYING.

Savings. Investment

2013-04-02T03:16:00.001+08:00

image source : studypoints.blogspot.com

This year, we made a goal with regards to our savings, for the past few years we were not that keen in our savings and I regretted that (much). I don’t want to repeat the same mistake this year, that is why I made a savings goal.

Twenty percent of our income should be in our savings (that is what I want at first) but since I am spending for my father’s medicines and doctor’s expenses I cannot afford the twenty percent yet. It’s okay for us as long as there is some penny going to that savings basket.

My plan is to invest it someday and make it grow. I just don’t know yet where and what to invest, am currently reading some investment tips in the internet and checking some food cart franchise but no definite plans yet. Investing can be risky and of course nobody wants to lose their hard earned (saved) money in just a blink of an eye. You can read more here about penny stocks if you are into stocks exchange which is a kind of investment too.

I really want to be financially free and able someday soon and I don’t think I’ll be in the near future if I will just depend on our monthly salaries. Thank God for the people who motivates me to really save and invest.

Before, I spend every cent but I’ve learned my lesson now. Income minus tithes minus savings= money left to spend. That’s the formula I’m doing and I hope I’ll stick to it forever.

April

2013-04-01T02:03:00.001+08:00

This is our wedding month :) this year we will be celebrating our 7th wedding anniversary. Yay!! It's actually been seven years since we said our vows (in Tagalog) and I know we meant every word.

No anniversary plans yet because we will be in Davao for the Youth Mission Camp on the 21st which was our actual date, but I know I can pull something, I have the whole month of April to celebrate it.

And oh..first quarter of the year is now over, that fast I know. Three months gone, nine more to go.

Life for three months has been good, well, except for my ailing Father but still God has been good to us despite of that.

I'm expecting more blessings to come for the rest of the year and of course more for this month!!

Timezone date

2013-03-21T22:52:00.000+08:00

Last Tuesday night straight from the office, we picked up these two lovely kids and spent a very wonderful time with them. The next day, they left for Malaysia and we won't be seeing them again until maybe next year. They are our Pastor's kids.

I honestly enjoyed the timezone :) Being kid again once in a while is a good relief from all the stress.

we super liked this basketball..hahaha! shooting like there's no tomorrow

happy faces :D See you next year!

Money, money, money

2013-03-17T14:11:00.000+08:00

WOW! A Lamborghini, a mansion in Florida, travel around the world, best restaurants in town, luxurious hotels and all, I can't even imagine my self being in that shoes but apparently someone is. And maybe if I follow Tim Sykes penny stocks advice I might also get that kind of lifestyle. Honestly, I browsed his page in facebook and literally we were in awe of his riches. Now, if only we can have even one fourth of that wealth, I'll be more than happy, blissful, joyful or whatever extreme word you can find to replace happiness.

Don't get me wrong though, I know money can not buy you happiness but surely it would help right?

If I earn lots of money, I will buy my parents a big house, their own car and will hire house helps for them. That will make them happy for sure and when they are happy I'll be happy too :)

And if I am rich, I will always book us (the whole family-including all my nieces and nephews) a family trip. Spend a whole week in Boracay or in Disyneland. Again, that would make all my nieces and nephews happy, and when they are happy I'll be a happy Aunt too.

If I am that rich, I will build a big house for abandoned children, I will send them to school and provide food for them. That would certainly make me happy.

Last in the list would be my wants, a nice house with huge kitchen and living room where I can invite friends as often as I want. A big car, shoes, gadgets and stuff.

See? money can't buy me happiness but it will be of great help.

Now, if only I have money to invest in stocks like what others do, I'll probably do it also.

His new shoes :)

2013-03-11T02:58:00.002+08:00

My late valentines gift to my dearest husband and he's been the happiest since we bought this last Saturday. He said and I knew it very well that this is by far the most pricey shoes he has ever had and to think this isn't that expensive for some, but for him this is really big thing.

and he's also excited to try it on!

happy husband..happy wife!!

Our newest love

2013-03-08T17:06:00.000+08:00

My best friend gave birth to a healthy baby boy last February 28, she lives in the province and we immediately went home the following day to see her and their cute baby!

Everyone, meet our newest love :) "David"

Don't you think he's beautiful?? look at those cheeks!!

This boy is special because my friend waited for him for 11 long years, we all waited patiently and finally god answered all our prayers. Nothing is impossible to our Lord!

As you all know, we are still waiting for ours and this year will be our 7th year. I know in my heart God will grant the desire of of our hearts too. We will keep on praying and waiting till it's our turn.

Decluttering.selling online

2013-03-03T12:39:00.000+08:00

Our place is small and it should be free of clutter (how I wish) but it’s not like that. Over the years I have collected lots of stuff that is now occupying space in our cabinets, some I haven’t unpacked since we moved here and is still in the boxes which means I haven’t use them for almost two years now. Some friends say that if you haven’t touch it or use it for quite some time like years it can now be considered a clutter and maybe you can now dispose it. That is what I am contemplating to do now.

Funny though, yesterday I opened one cabinet, checked on the clothes and started taking pictures of those I’m letting go (I took pictures because I’m going to sell it in our group’s online garage sale) I noticed I’m putting back some of the stuff specially bags which are gift (from whom I don’t even remember any more) and I kept saying “oh I can use this, I need this” and then I return it to its space.

Sigh, I’m such a hoarder. I have lots of coffee mugs I accumulated for over the years, I have lots of books which remains unread until now and I keep buying second hand books in that online garage sale of our yahoo group. I even have college textbooks back in our house in the province . I think that can be sell online now also, slugbooks.com is one website where you can have cash for your textbooks, you can also compare textbook price there.

Back to my being a hoarder, I shall find time this week to opened those boxes I haven’t opened for years now and check what I can now let go and sell online. The extra cash that will be coming in should be enough to motivate me to do it. The extra space and a decluttered house is a plus.

How about you my dears…how do you declutter? Are you a hoarder too? Do you sell it online too?

On submission to husband

2013-02-27T16:58:00.000+08:00

Today I read an article (actually a blog post) which was shared in our yahoo groups.

I really felt God answered my questions last night thru that article. During my quiet time last night,I was reading the book of Isaiah and God lead me to Isaiah 48: 18-19

Isaiah 48:18-19 The Message (MSG) Your Progeny, Like Grains of Sand

"16-19 And now, the Master, God, sends me and his Spirit with this Message from God, your Redeemer, The Holy of Israel: “I am God, your God, who teaches you how to live right and well. I show you what to do, where to go. If you had listened all along to what I told you, your life would have flowed full like a river, blessings rolling in like waves from the sea. Children and grandchildren are like sand, your progeny like grains of sand. There would be no end of them, no danger of losing touch with me.”

And I can't get off my eyes on those two verses, I read it a few more times and I began asking the Lord in prayer and told Him that my heart's desire is to really OBEY Him and it's as if He is telling me that I am not really paying to all his commandments, New International Version reads like this eh "If only you had paid attention to my commands"

There was a thud in my heart and I ask forgiveness and I said Lord " I want to obey you completely, show me the part of my life where I am not being obedient to you"

And this article was the answer, the author's title is "going back to the garden part 1" and it is about SUBMITTING to your HUSBAND. (click the title to read the full article)

I was ashamed that most of the time in our married life, I am "bull headed" wife. Very often, I insist what I want and what I like not knowing that I am not being submissive to my husband already. I would often say "it's small things lang naman eh" but then now I realized that in all aspect I should submit to my husband and honor his authority to me as the leader of our married life.

Now, God promised, If I pay attention to His commands, then I will be bless, in fact He promised this "Your descendants would have been like the sand, your children like its numberless grains;" meaning I will have children, we will have children!! But of course, I don''t want to obey just because of the price. i want to obey because I love my husband and above all I love the Lord and I want to honor both of them in my life.

I'm just so thankful God opened my eyes (and my heart) in this area of my life. Even if a wife earn more than the husband that shouldn't be an excuse not to submit.

Indeed, Thank you Lord

High School graduation

2013-02-18T11:17:00.000+08:00

I know I am not a perfect Aunt but I can be doting at times (most of the time actually*wink*) that’s why my nieces and nephews wants to be with me us during their free time :) They know I love them to bits. We were with my sister last night with her two sons, his eldest I often mention in this blog, is graduating in high school come March 22 and will be in college soon. Remember I posted last month about him taking this college entrance examination to which I am even more anxious than his mom. How I wish I could provide him a tutor like the ones they have at the nextsteptestprep.com to make sure he’ll pass but nonetheless I’m sure he can do it.

I’m so proud of how my sister brought up this little man. Very responsible and obedient, at his age he knows what is right and wrong and he knows what kind of friends to choose (or stay away from)

Now that he is graduating in high school, we’re emotional. We can’t help it. Our eldest nephew is now a full grown man. And we know that in few years time, he’ll soon have his own family. (gosh-that made me feel so old!) But yes, that’s reality and we have to deal with that.

I’m just glad we all enjoyed him while he’s young. My parents who took care of him while his mom work during his younger years have had lots of good and memorable times with him. We all do actually.

Oh I can’t wait for him to be in college also because that means we will have more time with him because he will live with us. That only means more memories to make.

Happy hearts day!

2013-02-14T11:36:00.001+08:00

image source : webclipart

Wishing you all the LOVE you can get now and always :) Enjoy the day and spread the love :D

Valentine Ideas for my husband

2013-02-12T18:06:00.001+08:00

One wife from our yahoo group is sending food (lunch) for his husband on Valentines day and I find it sweet. The problem is I can not do that because we work on the same office and he is always out of the office during lunch. That made me think of anything or something I can do for my husband this Valentines day. I'm really not into Valentines (well, both of us) but I just want to extra appreciate my husband for being such understanding and supporting specially when my family went to tough time last late last year.And since Valentine's day is coming, why not do something special for him on that day di ba?

So okay, now my dilemma is what can I do ( a challenge for me since I don't have money to splurge) any ideas you got, please let me know, as of this moment here are what I'm considering.

1. Cut out hearts shape in red or pink paper and paste it on our bedroom wall with all his good traits written all over (an idea I picked up from a friend). (inexpensive and quite easy to do di ba?)

2. Buy him a card, write him a long letter which I haven;t done for a long time.

3. Wake him up with his favorite breakfast in bed ( but I do this once in a while even without special occasion)

4. Cook him his favorite dinner, set the table with candles and flowers . ( I don't think I can pull this off-learning to cook his favorite chicken recipe is quite a task for me.)

5. Treat him out for dinner!

anyways, I know anything I do for him he'll surely enjoy and appreciate it. I'm blessed with a husband that is so easy to please :)

Vitamins neglected :(

2013-02-06T14:04:00.001+08:00

Because of the chaotic month I had last December and January, I neglected our vitamins intake and totally forgotten everything I started except my iron mainly because when I got sick last December, the Doctor told me to not forget it due to my very low Red Blood Cells. And when I do not take my vitamins-my dear husband does the same (you see-I’m the one who constantly nag him to take his)

My canister of Vitex should have been empty by now but it still has few more capsules. I ran out of iron last week, it has been over a month since we took our B vitamins, and husband has been out of his Vitamin E and C also.

I know that shouldn’t be the case and I should not be neglecting our vitamins, sigh. I’m such a slacker. My appointment with the OB- Gynecologist is still pending at the moment. I put mine at the back so I can give priority to my ailing father’s medicines and hospitalization.

But of course, it wouldn’t be long. I’m determined to do that appointment with the OB and to be more healthy this year ( yup..being healthy is the word and not losing weight) That includes being consistent in our vitamins and supplements. So hopefully, we can re stock our vitamins and I don’t know if we need more. Right now am checking SmartyPants vitamins for grown ups. You can also visit their website for more information on their gummy products.

But of course, I am not forgetting that eating the right food, fruits and vegetables can still be the greatest source of whatever vitamins I need.

Here's to a healthier us!!

Davao Trip

2013-02-05T12:03:00.000+08:00

My husband and I went to Davao last weekend and even if it was not a pleasure trip, we still had fun and we managed to take some good photos of us. Another set of pictures due for framing :)

Our Sony point and shoot camera is already 5 years old and has been with us in every occasion and trip but still serving us well.

55th Wedding Anniversary

2013-01-24T15:49:00.004+08:00

Today, my dearest parents are celebrating their 55th year of marriage. I am a proud daughter. Who wouldn't? I know what they've gone through. I know it wasn't all sweet and smooth but I am proud and happy they chose to be together and honor the commitment they made 55 years ago.

Happy 55th Wedding Anniversary to the most wonderful parents in the world. we love you!

Picture taken on New Years Eve

That's my wedding day :) Tatay looks so healthy and strong pa dito

and this oh so sweet picture was taken on their 50th golden wedding anniversary 5 years ago.

College life soon

2013-01-21T18:38:00.001+08:00

How time flies. I can’t believe that our first nephew (My dear Ryan) will now be in college come next school year (which is approximately 5 months from now) It seems only yesterday when he entered nursery school and now he’s all grown up. Before, we were only talking about his toys but these days we’ve been discussing his college studies. This week, he is scheduled to take the college entrance examination.

Her mother (my sister) asked me if he could live with us because the University he is aiming is quite far as they live outskirt of the city. Of course I said yes without hesitations, after all he is like a son to me. In fact, it is I who scouted for best school he could get in (best and yet not expensive) and I’m glad they accepted my suggestion. If I am rich though, I’ll definitely send him to Ateneo or La Salle or I’ll send him abroad so he can have the best school (with me in tow for sure) but we’re settled to where he is going now. :D

I asked him also if he wants to do an online schooling and look for some courses he would enjoy doing at home maybe like personal training courses at opencolleges.edu.au or design and photography as he is into arts also but I think he is not ready for that yet.

Somehow I like the idea of distance learning (which seems to be the trend now) because I like the idea of studying and yet not being confined in a classroom, I can do school work anytime of the day, and not worry about OpenColleges updates and announcements because you can take a look at them anytime through twitter or facebook and email. You can also take the exams and submit it without seeing your teachers and being spared of the look in their face when you failed) hehe!

But that’s me. My nephew will of course do the conventional school to which I hope he’ll enjoy and finish with flying colors.

DJC Halohalo in Tiwi,Albay

2013-01-11T12:36:00.000+08:00

(Halo-halo (from Tagalog word halò, "mix") is a popular Filipino dessert that is a mixture of shaved ice and evaporated milk to which are added various boiled sweet beans and fruits, and served in a tall glass or bowl.- from WIKIPEDIA)

We recently went to Bicol with friends, we stayed in Nabua, Camarines Sur because a friend's brother live there and her parents are from there. But we traveled to as far as Tiwi,Albay for their famous halohalo. DJC is the name of the place, located very near the Municipal Hall and the church. It took us more than an hour (per way) in the road but it's worth it. We all loved it. (I just read now that they have branch in Naga, had I known it before, we should have gone there instead of Tiwi)

There is something special with this halohalo, it's cheesy and not too sweet for me (not fond of sweets eh ). My husband can finish one bowl in one sitting.

However it is much expensive compared to regular/normal halohalo in the country. The cost is 75.00 (less than $2) if serve with ice cream (picture above) smaller one without ice cream is 60.00. During summer days, you can buy halohalo at 15.00 to 25.00 in the streets. :)

I wish they'll branch out here in Manila- for sure they'll be popular.

Welcome 2013

2013-01-03T10:14:00.000+08:00

With a GOOD NEWS :)

Yes, you read it right, we welcomed the new year with a good news from my Tatay's doctor. We got the biopsy and other lab results last week of 2012, my sisters went to his doctor to hear what is written in that many pieces of paper and I think they only understood one thing... that they "ruled out malignancy". The test showed that it is not cancer. Three doctors read the result and they concluded the same. Praise the Lord!!!!

To say that I am very happy is understated. I can't explain how I felt, we were all crying because of the relief. You see, we were told that the possibility of it being cancer is so high and that we only need to confirm it through the biopsy, but prayers are always powerful and our God is always able.

Next week we are scheduled to hear another Doctors opinion (that's gonna be 4th reading/opinion) but I'm not worried anymore.

My father still has difficulty breathing and is still on lots of medications but we're all positive now that soon he'll be much better. :)

me, my husband and my Tatay on New Year's eve

So yes, we welcomed 2013 with a cheerful heart and we celebrated. we thanked God and we will forever be thankful for answering our prayers.

I would like to extend also my thank yous to all those who prayed for my father and for us. I want you to know that it is very much appreciated.

Happy new year everyone and may we all have a wonderful year ahead!!!

Together

2012-12-26T11:31:00.002+08:00

I was rushed to ER last Thursday night due to high fever that started Tuesday. Laboratory tests results showed I have UTI so I am into antibiotic and will be back to the Doctor on Saturday.

That means I was down and sick for the couple of days. And it was Christmas week.

Thankfully though I was able to travel to my Sister's place and spent Christmas with my whole family :) and for that I am GRATEFUL.

Grateful that despite of what we're going through we are still very much TOGETHER, all of us siblings are there complete with all my nephews and nieces.

And though there were fewer gifts to open, it doesn't really matter now. We've learned to appreciate more of the presence and the time we spent with each other.

I took photos... because now for me every chance of being together is a photo opportunity. I don't wanna miss it.

(me and my Tatay on Christmas day 2012)

Thank you Lord for this Christmas, thank you that we are all together and that we are happy :)

How's your Christmas?

Parents are gift

2012-12-17T18:41:00.004+08:00

image from facebook

Update on my father's condition : Biopsy done today, results will be on Friday. Thank God the procedure went well and no complications. Please keep on praying that it's benign and not malignant as the suspected by his Doctor.

Wednesday Thoughts

2012-12-05T10:25:00.000+08:00

My Father is now okay, not really good but he's okay. We rushed to the province last Sunday afternoon because of a series of phone calls from him, from my Nanay and from our neighbor over the weekend. They all said we need to bring him to the nearest hospital as he was having attacks ( he had hard time breathing, can't speak and lost his senses) We still didn't know what causes it because we are still undergoing LOTS of tests right now, we hope to know later today or tomorrow.

~*~
I was scared and was in a state of shock last Sunday. I was crying and my thoughts went too far (morbid thoughts came in and I cried even more)

~*~
I feel a lot better now (except that we are hurting financially again) because of the emergency that happened.

~*~
And I think I lost the "Christmas energy" I had before, all I want now is my Father to become really well and that's it. I don't even want Christmas parties now.And I don't think I will be able to complete my gift list.
Sorry.

~*~
I'm thankful though for all the people that really care, for all the prayers that sent our way during that time.

~*~
and oh..hello December ( sorry that this first post for December is a sad one) I hope you are having a good December and that you are enjoying the Christmas spirit in your part of the world.