On the 4th of July, it only seems appropriate that I pay homage to Canada and wish them well in their efforts to win independence from the Crown. I am assured that they will  then have a coup in Mexico and move everybody but Quebec south of our border.

As in the U.S. it will take rebels, troublemakers, enablers, and lots of donuts. One if by Tim Horton’s, two if by Country Style.

What makes a Canadian a rebel? Aside from the fact that some live in Quebec?

How about this — you’re a Canadian rebel if you:

• pay for health care
• still love the Queen (0f England)
• are reading this and saying “damn straight!”
• agree that Prince Charles would make a bonny good auld King.
• eat poutine with extra gravy
• will travel to Detroit unarmed
• want Quebec to just Shut. Up.
• have seen a canoe or a moose
• think American humor is “funny as hell”
• will travel to Detroit without travel insurance
• still call July 1 “Dominion Day” (or that could make you a geezer)
• plaid!
• will travel to Detroit. period
• think icing is still against the rules
• still think this is funny: Just pretend you’re the Leafs’ goalie, let it go between your legs.

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1. all recipes
2. are banks open today
3. wimbledon semi finals live
4. 
   
5. fireworks shows
6. 
   
7. 
   
8. is the post office open today
9. 
   
10. 
    
11. wimbledon tv coverage
12. is the stock market open today
13. usps holidays

I pity the people who are so out of it that they don’t know if the post office or banks or stock markets are open… today… Friday… July 3rd. So they go f**king Google it.

Now, if you sneeze and need help, go here.

If you just told a groaner joke and need suitable sound effects, go here.

Twitter sluggish? think it’s down? Go here.

Definitily? definitaly?  It’s here.

Is today Christmas? Santa looks here.

Going to rain? Your local weather forecaster looks here.

Unemployed? Looking for a new career? Is Pimping Hard? Check here.

Need to know what President Obama is promising?  Here’s what some people thought.

Having some self esteem issues? Are you awesome? It’s here.

But let’s be careful out there folks with the Google search. Banks are open today, the post office is open today, and fireworks shows will be all weekend, and Wimbledon is tennis, who cares? Unless you need a couple women grunting for some nefarious web video you are constructing.

Grunt And Moan. - A funny movie is a click away

Happy 3rd of July. Which is a new national holiday.

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Not really. There is a story. Always a story, isn’t there?

I read this post about blaming Canada. (Happy Canada Day!) Since I know a couple people in Canada via blogs and somebody tweeted they are vacationing in Canada, and another blogger is on her way home from Quebec City, I thought I would read why I should blame Canada.

In other  words, it was a helluva headline.

It was written by a writer dude from Men With Pens (which I always read as Men With Penis.)

James Chartrand is an unrepentant Canuck who survives exclusively on maple syrup, poutine, and beer. He is unfailingly polite and helps entrepreneurs and freelancers earn a decent living online at Men with Pens (dot CA, of course).

I ended up at Men with Pens and saw this:

Dump Dump (the Law and Order dramatic music interlude)

Digression: Here is a great video of dog howling to the Law and Order theme song.

Back on topic: It was not the content that caught my eye.

It was the raggedy-ass font display that caught my eye.  As I am wont to do, I found the “contact” button and sent them a note saying their site looked like shit. Actually  I said it much nicer, but that was what I was really thinking.

Info from Men With Pens wrote back:

Thanks for that - have you tried turning on ClearType if you’re on a PC?

Huh?

ClearType? I have never heard of ClearType. I’ve heard of TrueType, but never ClearType.

So I responded:

I know nothing of ClearType.  …
I probably won’t bother with ClearType since I know nothing, and will be reading in RSS.
Observation: your designers made a site that requires a system tweak? ahem.

Info said:

Actually, no, Mark. Microsoft makes our site require a system tweak. View the site in Apple and it’s smooth and slick. This is a fault with Microsoft - not our site.

I instantly took a liking to Info.

He called me Mark, said view the site “in Apple” and blamed Microsoft. Those who read me regularly can all chime in with me…

Bill Gates is a Prick

and I told Info that.

He “heheh’d” and said:

Hm. Just had a look myself. Smooth as a whistle, and I’m running  the latest Firefox on a Win XP PC. So… I’d say you need to turn on your ClearType, yes.

I responded…
I need one of those start>control panel>thingy>dealy>ClearType>options>activate> Restart emails.
Just sayin’…
Thanks for being so kind. I’m REALLY joking now. I will Bing it to see how to do get ClearType started. It would be good for me.

Yes, I wrote to Info at Men With Pens, a professional writer’s blog with thousands of regular readers, and actually wrote “how to do get ClearType.”

I haven’t heard back from Info, so I’m thinking that he is a techie and the only thing he writes is code.

Whew, that could have been really embarrassing.

Note: there inevitably will be a typo or error in grammar in this post. It’s there on purpose.

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We covered a few, outside of Gale Storm, and I know you must have a favorite, who might be an actual person, but just in case, I’ll get you started:

• Lee Ward
• Alberta Clipper
• Hugh C. Rain
• Dusty Rhodes (don’t we all know one of these guys?)
• Al Timiter
• Cap Twister
• Eddy Stream
• Hi Winds (and his partner Gail Force)
• Cy Clone
• Crystal Snow
• Dawn Sunrise
• Zenith Snow
• I. Wall
• Jet Stream
• Misty Morning
• Trace A. Mounts
• Sue Nami
• Jet Wave
• Sonny Day

Please take over and leave your Punny Weather Forecaster Name in the comments.

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