Pappi assigned me on a photographic task, of snapping pictures of the Candolim beach being eroded by the River Princess. The River Who? In June 2000, an ore carrying barge drifted out of its dock, an lodged itself in the shallow waters of the Candolim-Calangute bay. What followed was 9 years of bureaucracy, red tape, and court cases, none of which yielded any results in getting the fucking boat out of the waters. If you’re ever looking for a good example of the failure of democracy, this is it.

So, 9 years later, how bad can it be? It’s just one boat, stuck in sand around 100 meters into the sea. Let me paint you a picture of the stretch of beach that has made Goa one of the hottest tourist spots. The white sands stetched across 10 kilometres from end to end, wide enough to run a four lane highway through it. While the sea kept the edges wet and hard, the body of the beach was filled with dry sand, free of any debris or dirt, with nary a plastic bag in sight.

Of course, tourism took its toll on the beach as it got crowded, busy, and littered with plastic. But the beach itself was always laden with sand, that even withstood the construction industry’s constant plunder. So you can imagine my surprise when I lay sight on it with my Nikon in hand; to find the entire fucking beach had disappeared! Right from aguada fort to beyond candolim, the entire beach had withered away into a two metre wide wet muddy banks, one which you can’t take a pleasant walk on, let alone relax. I don’t have the before pics, but you can certainly see what’s happening as the aftermath.

You can see the boat in the distance

Government tries to stop the sea with sand bags. Fucking jokers.

See that rocky stretch in between? I’ve never seen those rocks before.

A stretch of beach that’s not affected by the boat (the other side), although you can see what tourism has done to ruin it as well.

The River Princess is just a symbol of our Government’s incompetence.

But there are still things that these computer fuckers have not yet gotten right. Given that computers have evolved from manually assembled switchboards and monochrome monitors, computer makers have forgotten to take the leap forward in rethinking what’s possible with modern day technologies. I’m here to bring that up so that Apple, Microsoft, Google, and that sorry kid in the corner, Linux can take notice.

Not really relevant to the writeup, but I’ll be pimping these images here from time to time

- When it shows me my desktop, it should be ready to use. Loading it part by part, and then the apps, is just old school. Do all that nonsense behind a spinny cursor, and then show me the desktop complete with fade in. The iPhone does this right.

- I want to delete a file, let me delete it. Of course, make sure I know what I’m doing and authorize the deletion of an important file, but by god let me delete it. Windows has progressively deteriorated with each release. But you can’t blame them really; everyone’s trying to fuck with Windows.

- Replace the Save button with Unsave. Every file should be saved no matter what. More importantly, everything should be shoved into an open database, and ‘files’ should only be limited to sending documents via email. There could be intelligent UIs that give weightage to files, such that you can mark files for auto-deletion, and such. Okay that’s a terrible solution, but you know what I mean.

- Keep your alerts to yourself. I’ve written about this in the past, I just hate alerts and dialog boxes. The very fact that there are alerts in the first place is wrong enough. That I have to drop everything to attend to them is just plain fucking stupid.

- Figure out how to talk to other computers. How hard can it be? Macs are experts at networking, not requiring the least bit of configuration to see each other. But we live in a Windows world for now, and networking to those PCs is quite important. Bonjour for Windows Networking please!

- Stability of core functionality more important than features. I hate buggy software. Just make sure the app performs its function, as best as possible. There’s no point in adding features people can’t use. Once the existing featureset is bug free, add features in beta, make sure they perform totally awesomely, then make them ‘public’. The very fact that the x.x.1 update comes along just days after a major release shows that someone was hungry for cash. And by “beta” I don’t mean Google’s beta. I mean not freely available beta.

- Play music without jerking around. No process should take priority over playing notes out of a music player. I mean come on, if a 1 inch iPod Shuffle can do it, so can a gigahertz powerhouse.

The Mac is halfway there to this ‘perfect computer’ goal of mine. Windows on the other hand has a lot to catch up on. Linux? Forget about it! You will have better luck getting in the air with a home-made hot air balloon made out of garbage scraps.

First things first, it’s been great. I’m absolutely loving my new cam, the Nikon D3000, as it’s easy to use, looks good, fucking comfortable, and is able to produce some good results. For those who are asking for my non-professional opinion, it’s a good camera and I think you should go for it. Oh did I mention I’m getting a 50mm f/1.8 prime lens instead of this rather average 18-55 zoom lens?

But all that’s the least important aspect of this thing called ‘photography’. Unlike using a point-and-shoot to click family photos and cats doing cute faces, there’s a whole new world opened up in front of that lens, and I feel compelled to capture it. It’s not all easy though, as getting into this mode is I’m sure worse than going through a sex change. To be able to visualise what the final image should look like on Flickr, and then grabbing the shot so is quite a difficult process as I’ve found out. Then there’s the aspect of everything being a cliché. How many shots of a bridge can be justified in this world? These are of course self-created impressions, as I’m sure there are thousands of potential bridge photos waiting to wow the world. I’m still learning see?

This past week I’ve been just about carrying the camera everywhere I go. I’ve got a large backpack and the camera along with the tripod fit in just nicely. So I’m riding along, when I notice this bus stop along a lonely field. I stop. Will this make a good picture? Will I be wasting my time trying to capture it? What about the light? Unlike regular ‘for memories sake’ photography, there’s no real reason to go capture an image. It’s optional, and that’s scary. I’ve also had great difficulty in getting a scene I see into the lens. I know some really scenic places, they look like something out of Lord of the Rings. But turn them into a jpeg and it looks like a regular old backyard. To be able to add depth, perception of size—I know it’s possible, and I’ll get there some day. I’ve found that sticking to a scene, and trying to make it work, ultimately lets you understand the scene better. I couldn’t have done it without the unlimited digital shots and the large LCD screen which is perfect for reviewing and deleting crap.

The Small Cat has been a total fucking useless asset in my training. He’s got the same face, has the same poses, and doesn’t do any cute tricks. There’s only so much orange a lens can open up to, so the cat is abandoned for now. I’m sure there’s some squeeze left in that sloppy beast, but for now I’ll leave him aside.

One thing I haven’t been doing much, is pictures of people. I’m terrified of people. For one, you can shoot as many shots of a tin can, in as many angles and poses as you’d like, and at the end of it, the tin can doesn’t ask you to show him the pics. The problem is also of expectations. The moment someone see’s you with a dSLR, they assume you’re completely professional, and will produce stunning images that their point-and-shoot wouldn’t even be able to dream of. At least I think they do. I can’t produce those yet. In fact mine are worse than from a regular cam since I’m only shooting manual (well, aperture priority). I plan on doing more people photography though, soon (did I mention the new lens?).

The third interesting change that a dSLR brings about, is everyone gives you more respect. I went about Mapusa to shoot some images of the Narkasura. Every time I asked if I could shoot a couple of images, they were most accommodating, and best of all—”Which paper are you a photographer for?”. I didn’t deny myself any of the attention and told them I was a freelancer. It’s the half-truth; flickr is my publication. In those cases of course, where I’m all professional, there’s no scare of someone asking to see the results of the images. “I can’t do that” is the perfect answer, where they’re even more impressed! I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to get cops to do fake chase just for a pic in the papers.

On the software side, Aperture has been great. It’s totally the tool to use if you’re not shooting family and friends. It’s fast (when it’s the foreground app), and has a beautiful workflow for organising and publishing images. It’s way better than iPhoto, and I even prefer it to Lightroom. Although that’s more of a personal preference and might be hindered by the fact that Aperture is made by Apple, and Lightroom by Adobe. I wouldn’t know really.

To sum up, it’s been going great, I’m learning a lot, and I’ll soon upload some good shots on flickr. In fact, if you check there now I’ve gotten some pretty cool shots of gadgets.

Google Wave is said to be the next evolution of email. I watched the demo, and was pretty excited about the possibilities. To understand what Wave is, you have to either use it or watch the video; it’s impossible to explain. Well I’ll try to anyway. It all starts by creating a new ‘wave’. Think of it as an idea. The idea is sent to a recipient (so far so email). The recipient then looks at the idea, and contributes to it in his own way. He can reply to certain bits, add ’stuff’ to it, and return the idea. However, unlike email, he doesn’t return the idea back to the sender, as the idea is out of the hands of the creator the moment it’s created. It’s just an idea floating around in the cloud. So either parties can add people to the idea, much like a brainstorming session calls in additional members into the team. The team members can look at the idea, see what the original recipient had contributed, and add their own comments. More importantly, they can even ‘replay’ the wave as it was formed. It’s still a single idea, a single wave. Sounds brilliant? It’s not.

As soon as I got the Wave invite, I got into the system hoping to reinvent my system of communication. I was just set for disappointment. I’ll mention the sluggishness just in passing, as I know this is a ‘Preview’ and they’ll eventually get things sorted out. My complaints are more conceptual, which probably won’t get fixed even if and when it gets out of beta.

First up, is Wave is a mess. The UI is splattered across the window. New and updated waves show up bold in your inbox. But unlike email where you have incoming messages, there is no obvious way to tell what part of the wave is new. Sure the replay thing is there, but it’s kind of a roundtrip compared to just reading the new content in your mailbox. Next, is the idiots using Wave. I have a bunch of waves in my inbox, with over 60 people added into the conversation. Why the fuck would I be interested in some discussion about some tech project? I can remove myself from the conversation, but that’s just like saying I can remove spam from my Hotmail inbox—sucks. This is mainly because adding people into waves is so darn easy, and you don’t have to explain why the person is added—they can read the whole wave. This kind of choothyagiri would never happen with email.

One other trend I’ve noticed with Wave, is that it’s treated more like an offline IM conversation rather than email. The current waves are like mini social networks. Small >140 character messages, which I refuse to accept as a meaningful way to communicate (case to point: twitter). Add to that Wave supports apps. Don’t we have enough of those on facebook already that I have to play Sodoku inside my email client?

The third part of Wave, which is touted as one of the more significant features, is live-type. As you’re typing the other parties can see it. I’ll quote Farhad Manjoo [Slate] as he explains it best:

Chatting on Wave is like talking to an overcurious mind reader. On a conventional IM, you only see what other people say once they hit Enter. (True, the IM program will tell your partner whether or not you’re typing, but this is too little information to get embarrassed about.) On Wave, every misspelling, half-formed sentence, and ill-advised stab at sarcasm is transmitted instantly to the other person. This behavior is so corrosive to normal conversation that you’d think it was some kind of bug. In fact, it’s a feature—indeed, it’s one of the Wave team’s proudest accomplishments.

It scares the crap out of me. I usually don’t type badly, but with Wave I always end up making mistakes, and having to correct them with someone watching is unnerving. There’s a mute button, but it’s not yet enabled. I will stay away from wave until that button breathes pixels.

At the end of the day, Wave is an interesting concept, and might just make sense after Google has fixed the sluggishness, and more people start using it. But it will not replace email. Not in this lifetime at least. What Google Wave will serve, is for those few people who come across projects they want to collaborate on. That’s correct. It’s a good tool for collaboration, not communication. I can see Preshit, Avner, and myself discussing affairs of the big blog I mentioned earlier, but for regular communication, email still serves the best bytes. The one way I can see this working, and it’s possible that Google already has this in their roadmap, is integrating Wave into Gmail. That way you have the option of both services, as you slowly move towards waving. Till then, I’ll be waving something totally different. I should also note that I’m fairly unreceptive to new services, but eventually get hooked to them. That salt will come in handy right about now.

So, if there’s an obnoxious jackass shouting “Wave!” on twitter or facebook, know that “Yeah? Go fuck yourself” is the right answer.

Every year, in India alone, 60,000 tonnes of carbon dioxide is disseminated into our atmosphere because of fireworks. It also dispells toxic metals like lead, sulphur, and other carcinogenic elements. Breathe that in. Okay I made the CO₂ stats up myself; I don’t know the amount of CO₂ released by fireworks, but I’m pretty sure it’s a lot. So this Diwali, to celebrate with your family, what you gonna do? Buy fireworks right? I couldn’t think of a more arrogant human being than one who lights fireworks.

First of all, it has nothing to do with tradition. Fireworks have, to the gen-pop, come in style only in the last two or three decades. Before that the only fireworks were the sparks flying out of Rawana’s hairy ass. Second, nobody’s going to judge your wealth—if that’s your end goal—by the amount of smoke you create. In fact, it’s just going to annoy everyone who isn’t celebrating the birth/death/something of your God. And third, think of the children.

To understand the stupidity of firecrackers, and fireworks in general, I propose an experiment. Just this once, buy a pack of firecrackers, or even a rocket if you will. Now light the fucking thing, and observer as it bursts, shoots, or spits out flames. See that? It’s fucking stupid! Dumbest idea one could possibly think of, and can only serve as entertainment for those with the intellect of a 15th Century chinese farmer. Save yourself the embarassment, and light a cigarette instead. It’s cool, and for most part you’ve the only one who’s going to suffer a horrible death.

If you buy and light fireworks (outside of conducting that experiment), you are a sick excuse for a citizen of this country. I spit on you.

A lovely display of fireworks for you [via]

The worst part about getting one of these cameras, is reading reviews. I’d suggest you don’t read any reviews, unless you’re looking for something specific. My point is, any dSLR from Nikon or Canon are nothing short of excellent. Reviews drove me nuts. I had Amazon reviews, Ken Rockwell’s sharp reviews, DPReviews’ reviews, and their forums. One nut speaks volumes about a camera, while the other ridicules it to the point that you wouldn’t ever buy that cam. Yet, Flickr shows gorgeous images from any of these cams. Ultimately, while a lens or two might help, I’m sure it’s the photographer who matters.

Finally I settled on the Nikon D3000, even though Ken Rockwell said it might be the worst camera Nikon has ever produced. The pictures on Flickr were good enough for reassurance. Paid 28k for it, and got it the very next day after ordering it. It’s a grey market piece. Another something for the memory card and UV filter, and I was on my way home with a sub-30k dSLR which was pretty good. Pretty good because I don’t know squat about what makes a good camera¹; but it looks domineering. The rugged black look feels solid in the hands, and the faint ‘is it really there?’ purple sheen in the lens makes it all worth it.

Yeah, I’m left to shooting fucking coconuts in the backyard

I had about a day and a few hours to learn the basics of photography, and create images for this blog post. A lot of people said Canon’s cams were easier to use, but I find this one, including the menu system and physical controls, far easier to use than my brother’s Canon 300D. The menu settings are very accessible, easy to understand, and I soaked it all in within a few hours. I’m yet to determine whether the “VR” in the lens really works though.

When it comes to my idea of photography, I have a few principles to adhere to. I will try not to use Flash unless really really required. I will use manual focus. And I will stay away from the auto-settings. I tried some of the presets, and while they produce decent images—better than the crap I’ve shot using the manual controls—I won’t be lazy, and will make sure I stay as manual as possible. I mean, what’s a photographer if he can’t describe why it was that exact aperture that made the image what it is!

Amateur hour!

I’ll be posting most of my images on Flickr, some of it on Tumblr, and a little bit on Twitter as well. For right now it’s the basic ‘newbie’ shit like experiments with traffic, highly saturated landscapes, and low depth-of-field macros. If you have comments against my camera, keep them to yourself. I will however entertain ridicule of my pictures and practices as a photographer.

[1. Well, more than the average joe for sure, but not enough to fly]

Larry see’s things with a degree of clarity and rationality that you can’t help but agree. He hates those ’stop and chats’, he’s always concerned as to what the limo driver will be doing while waiting on his party, and always speaks his mind no matter the occasion. Larry tells it like it is. Society has evolved far from rationality; always putting cultural idiosyncrasies before logic and reason. Larry on the other hand bends society over like it’s never been bent before.

In an interview, the real Larry admitted that he wished he was like his character in the show. It does bring some reality to the whole affair, but the character is still something I long to be. I’m not. No. But I want to be like Larry—save for the few stupid things he does here and there.

Curb Your Enthusiasm is an HBO production, so it’s filled with profanity. If your name is Aayush, do not watch this. The word motherfucker is freely thrown about—as it should. It’s a beautiful word that tests the insecurity of a person. Currently running into its 7th season, with 10 odd episodes per season, get ready for some awesome fun. The show is also shot in the ‘improv’ style, meaning the dialogs are not rehearsed, and things are done on the spot. It’s really good. And the hero doesn’t always win. He wins sometimes, but not always. As it should be.

Larry and Jeff laughing it off to the ‘freaks’ book

Twitter

Let’s take twitter to start with, since it’s the social network I’m most involved in. I started using twitter in Jan ’08. We started Smoking Apples in Aug ’08. But the minute I tweet something a Mac developer or internet celebrity does not like, the whole blame goes to SA and I get a powerful shout from Avner or Preshit about behaving myself on the web. Okay it’s not as much a shouting as an ironical musing, but I know what they’re trying to communicate.

Take for instance this tweet, which was totally in zest. It was definitely a stupid tweet in hindsight, but it’s my twitter feed and I can say whatever I want to. I didn’t mean any malice; in fact I’ve followed MinimalMac since the day it started.

Here’s hoping [MinimalMac] @patrickrhone’s Mac freezes at the boot screen. That’s minimalism right there.

Here’s one of the responses that Rhone got from one of his followers:

@patrickrhone well, that is one of MANY MANY MANY reasons (see twitter stream of @goobimama for more) to stop subscribing to @SmokingApples.

I explained the matter to Rhone who was most understanding. Still, the damage is done. I would have been totally fine with being called an idiot or douchebag (I have been on more than one occasion) but such strong association with something I’m merely a partner at is not something I appreciate¹. I remember when I first described Twitter on sh.it, I mentioned how I emailed a developer professionally, while a few seconds later talked beer with him on twitter. Twitter is personal. Professionalism is what email is for. To curb spontaneity with PR-speak is reducing Twitter to a a structured organisation, totally deviating from the free-form thought sharing.

The blog

Every time my favourite cousin Anoushka visits from Canada, I have nothing new to tell her. “I read it on your blog”. This doesn’t just happen in case of my cousin. There’s a whole lot of people who visit this piece of internet real estate to follow in the life of Milind Alvares, apparently. Whatever happened to meeting up after several years, finding out what’s changed, sharing pictographs over time, and being surprised about a change in appearance. “My god you’ve grown tall and handsome” has now become “Hey. So what’s new?”.

Facebook

Don’t even get me started on this. First of all it’s a bad social network, and second, it’s a bad social network. It hasn’t fucked with me like the other two, but it’s the one thing I dread managing. You know that food joint or club you have to visit every so often only because all your friends hang out there? Facebook is like that.This image accurately describes what I see every day when I visit facebook.

The problem of facebook however is even bigger than just the annoying ’cause invitations’. I realised the mess only when I saw it from a grown up’s perspective. As I was explaining twitter and its merits to a middle aged woman, she mentioned her experience with facebook. “All of a sudden I was ‘connected’ with my classmates from 25 years ago, which I had otherwise forgotten about”. It didn’t occur to me because all of my college friends are still fresh in my mind. So all those ‘friends’ whom I’m otherwise supposed to forget as I wade through life, are clinging on to a steady stream of updates from me. Kind of brings us back to the “What’s new?” syndrome doesn’t it?

Here’s my plan of action.

Twitter. I’m leaning heavily to starting a new twitter account under the name “langur” , “Pataka_puri” or something along those lines, with a different house address and might even substitute a dog for a cat. You know, fake identity. I don’t see how else I can say things freely without having a bunch of word-pussies harassing me from behind. For now I’ve removed any association between my account and SA, and will keep my tweet content as SA-free as possible. Hopefully that will keep the attacks on me and only me.

Blog. I only write about vague stuff. Some personal incidents, but mostly thoughts floating around in my head. I definitely won’t be hosting pictures of my new bike, or how long my toenails have grown. Call it the end of the soggy blog, and the beginning of a boring lecture in philosophy. I’ll try to keep it interesting.

Facebook. I’m going on a deleting spree. All those who don’t need to know, don’t need to know. It’s nothing personal. It’s not like I don’t like my ‘friends’ on facebook, it’s just that I don’t want them knowing details of my daily life. I want to live my life the way it was meant to be lived. Fifteen years down the line, I want to see someone on the streets and for a few minutes not be sure whether or not it is my best friend from college.

Tumblr. Some of you might not be knowing, but I’ve started posting to Tumblr, which is a great service for blogging. It’s definitely the next step in personal and community blogging, and I’d highly suggest you give it a try. I’m at goobimama.tumblr.com.

Hopefully that will keep the everything under control and the mind at rest. What I’d really like to hear though is a agreeing or conflicting opinion.

1. I understand that a person’s views in public are naturally associated with their product or brand, just as Steve Jobs’ statement would affect Apple. But twitter is personal, way more than any other ‘public statement’ has ever been. I guess that’s why Steve Jobs doesn’t have a twitter feed.

Now I haven’t researched on this, and I’m sure there has been a lot of conjecture on the topic, but here’s my take on why future watching is not going to be in reality. Sorry to disappoint.

Past, Present, but no future?

The biggest problem with the future is that it affects the present. It causes us talk off reverse change it again affects the future causing a sort of infinite loop that even God cannot get out of. Here’s our basic understanding of what happens when we see the future¹:

• You look into the future and see that on your trip to town a big black wolf will pounce out of nowhere and ass rape you.
• You avoid going to the city on that day.

The moment you don’t go to the city, that big black wolf phenomenon is no longer a reality, and hence, not the future. Now you could say the future didn’t know you were going to look into it, so you have in-fact changed future, and not a non existent reality.

The problem lies with time and its continuity. Now I agree no one really knows what time is. It’s either just a mental construct to help us remain sane, or it’s actually a series of events. Now, if every event was set in stone, it would have already figured out that you were going to look into the future, and hence made that change about the big black wolf. This of course has an infinite loop of changing the future that would inevitably lead to the destruction of the universe.

Me, myself, and Mickey Mouse

Now what about third party action? What if I can see the future of a group of people in Nebraska, or a Russian ship being blown up. Kinda like that God person does ‘up there’.

a. I could tell them about it, and we’re back to square one.
b. What fun would that be?

Third party action again keeps us in the same loop as we were. After all, actions generate change, and altering those actions will result in a different change. You seeing a bomb exploding on a bridge, and you’re making sure all the authorities know about it. They might not listen, but there’s a chance that the future can be changed this way.

We’re just puppets

The other way to look at this is, that the future is preordained, and that we’re just puppets. The one who see’s the future, as said by Dr. Manhattan in The Watchmen, “is merely one who can see the strings”. Now what kind of bullshit is that? In the movie, he knows that his girlfriend is cheating on him because in his future he see’s her telling him so. He even tells his girlfriend that “in a few minutes, you’re going to tell me you’ve been cheating on me”. And when in a few minutes she does, he’s all surprised. This clearly goes against human nature, as our inherent knowledge of things makes us act upon it. In fact, it’s just plain nature, as most living things will act upon anticipated events. If you see the future, it’s going to change.

Some other clever subtitle

There is one argument that’s intriguing though, and that’s futures based on actions. Life is a series of choices they say. Well what if you could see beyond those choices?

a. Choose action x, follow the path, and the Big Black Wolf shows up. Rape ensues.
b. Choose action y, follow the path, and a Megan Fox shows up. Rape ensues, but this time you’re the one with the cooking spoon.

The situation shows that while you have full control over your actions, the rest of the universe will merely fall into a set pattern based on those actions. And it’s the most plausible one of the lot, but it’s still flawed at its core. It’s not really the future, but a mere rendering of it based on your actions. Sort of like mathematics. The future I’m talking about is like opening a christmas gift. It’s going to happen, but you have no idea what it is. And peeking into the future, is knowing what’s inside that wrapper.

Jesus saves.

Now just for fun, let’s bring God (or the concept of him) into this? God is said to know the past, present, and future, all at the same time. Yeah, think how boring a life he must be living. I hope there’s porn ‘up there’ for him to watch. Getting back to the topic at hand, can God actually see and change the future? Man is said to have power over his actions, right? So God should not know what his next action might be. But, if he knows the future, he knows when Mr. Francis is going get horny and rape his neighbour’s wife. God can:

a. Enjoy the show, as he always has been.
b. Change the future.
c. Not know the future.

If the future is already set in stone, Man no longer has free will. Mr. Francis was destined to find his neighbour’s usually ugly wife unusually hot that day, and make a stand on that.
If the future is set in motion, it also means that God doesn’t have infinite power, and is easily tricked by his confusing illusion of knowing the past, present, and future.
If God changed the future, he would be robbing Mr. Francis of his free will, thereby negating his entire reason behind heaven and hell.
I don’t say it’s illogical for God to know the future, be able to change it, but not do so because of protecting the notion of free will (there go all your prayers calling for miracles). There is a possibility of him being present in different times, while still keeping Man within his ‘free will’ policy.

I admit. My ‘God reason” isn’t top notch. Perhaps it’s because I always tend to think of him as an afterthought.

In Essence

Besides me being a crazy nerd with a lot of time on my hands, it’s safe to say that there can never be a clear understanding of the future. God might be knowing about it, but I don’t think even he dare act upon it. It’s a delicate balance between time, free will, and an all powerful mind, all of which might prove to be too much for even God to handle. Of course, the bigger question is, why on earth would one want to see the future? Life’s a series of Christmas gifts. Enjoy them as they come!

1. I had a discussion with the Lion about this. His opinions though were totally useless in this regard. He reasoned out a more ‘mystic’ form of the future, where things will happen no matter how you spin it. Vague statements like “two years from now you will be a very rich guy but sad at the same time”. That kind of shit had to stay out of this argument. I’m talking about the future in high definition, where you can count the leaves on the tree you will be looking at.

It’s a bit like the way global warming is made into a frightening term. I’m a warm blooded creature—in this case the meaning of which is a little different from what you’ve learnt in science—and cold climate gives me the shivers. Even if it were true and the world was actually getting warmer (bullshit!), whoever the fuck said global warming is a bad thing? It’s power hungry corporates trying to feed you nonsense so you will pay extra for their products just because they’re made a tad bit ‘greener’. Bullshit! I hate that I can’t jump on my bike and ride away into the night during winter. I could use a little warmth. The world could use a little warmth. In fact, during the Roman times the earth was much warmer, leading to better agriculture and cultivation. The point I’m trying to make is, don’t take things just because they’re said to be so. Understand and reason it till you yourself are absolutely certain of its meaning. I now make the plea for the reconsideration of the status of darks.

Darks are a sign of hard work. They are nature’s unmistakable stamp that you’re doing something important with your life. Working late hours, getting pissed drunk on beers, and watching an entire season of Curb Your Enthusiasm in a single stretch, are all genuine cases of you doing something important with your life. On the flipside, let’s take a look at everyone’s favourite, body scars. They’ve got a good name even though they’re a permanent blemish on your skin, out of no great work of your own (someone else stabbed you). Darks on the other hand have to be maintained. They’re the hard work of a months of odd sleeping hours, reckless nights, and an otherwise inconsideration for the status quo maintained by society’s laws. And only after you’re settled in, content with your life, will they stay along to make sure the world knows how awesome you’ve lived your life.

To be blessed with dark circles on the morning I wake up, is to know that I’ve done my best doing what I love the most. If I ever have to look down the path of my steady ascent, I just have to look into the mirror to see the dusky scars around my eyes. For no paper certificate, no silver trophy, no war wound, will ever tell the tale of how I never wasted a second of my life doing something I would regret. Your darks are like your own personal diary. Write something.

- Axel D’Souza. Musician and Composer

The next time you get up with a bunch of scary-ass dark circles, put a smile on your face and know that your life is awesome enough to be blessed with a distinguished set of darks. If some white faced prick cares to comment in the negative, tell him you’re living your life and that he should go fuck himself.

Next time round, I’ll teach you how to cultivate the best darks your acquaintances will ever see.