Good Girl Gone Wife

Spam Comments Are The Best

noreply@blogger.com (Alex Green) — Thu, 23 May 2013 04:00:00 +0000

That might sound a little weird, I know, but spam comments are always one of three things: weird, hilarious, or ridiculously complimentary. All of them have a purpose, and provide a chuckle or an ego boost. Some of them don't always seem like spam comments, but they always end with the tell-tale "Also visit my weblog/my website/my homepage: random link that makes no sense"/. Here are a few of my favorites that I've received (all are written as they appeared in the spam comments -- grammar/spelling is not my own):

"Hi there! Do you use Twitter? I'd like to follow you if that would be ok. I'm undoubtedly enjoying your blog and look forward to new posts."

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"I like what you guys are up too. This sort of clever work and exposure! Keep up the awesome works guys I've added you to my blogroll."

"Thanks a bunch for sharing this with all people you really realize what you're talking approximately! Bookmarked."

"Hi dear, are you really visiting this webpage regularly, if so then you will definitely take nice knowledge."

"Its such as you read my mind! You appear to grasp a lot about this, like you wrote the ebook in it or something. I feel that you could do with a few % to power the message house a bit, but instead of that, this is a wonderful blog. A great read. I will definitely be back."

"Aw, this was a really good post. Taking the time and actual effort to produce a superb article...but what can I say...I put things off a whole lot and never manage to get anything done."

"Great beat! I would like to apprentice while you amend your web site, how could I subscribe for a blog site? The account helped me a acceptable deal. I had been tiny bit acquainted of this your broadcast offered bright clear idea." (and then I received the same comment, but "great" was changed to "fantastic", and "bright clear" was changed to "vivid transparent").

"Excellent post. I was checking continuously this blog and I'm inspired! Very useful info specifically the closing section :) I take care of such information much. I was looking for this certain information for a very long time. Thank you and best of luck."

"My partner and I absolutely love your blog and find almost all of your post's to be just what I'm looking for. Can you offer guest writers to write content in your case? I wouldn't mind producing a post or elaborating on a lot of the subjects you write concerning here. Again, awesome site!"

"Greetings from Ohio! I'm bored to death at work so I decided to check out your blog on my iphone during lunch break. I love the knowledge you present here and can't wait to take a look when I get home. I'm amazed at how quick your blog loaded on my cell phone .. I'm not even using WIFI, just 3G .. Anyways, awesome blog!"

"I don't even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was good. I do not know who you are but certainly you're going to be a famous blogger if you aren't already ;) Cheers!"

Do you have any memorable spam comments?

WW: It's Just So Dreamy

noreply@blogger.com (Alex Green) — Wed, 22 May 2013 14:36:00 +0000

Yesterday was my birthday, and my WW post was going to be pictures from my trip to the zoo. Except we had to postpone the zoo trip. Instead, my husband and I went to Home Depot and he walked around with me and didn't complain the entire time (trust me, that's a gift itself -- he hates Home Depot). I saw this stove and fell in love -- beautiful burners just waiting for some gas, a DOUBLE OVEN (which I've been obsessed with since the first time I saw The Brady Bunch, AND it has a built-in griddle in the middle, which is amazing. I love griddles. I had originally meant to Instagram this, but it wasn't showing up in my pictures for some reason.

Got a Wordless Wednesday post? Link up!

Happy 2nd Birthday, Good Girl Gone Wife!

noreply@blogger.com (Alex Green) — Mon, 20 May 2013 02:00:00 +0000

You may remember last year's blogiversary post where I gave some stats and answered some questions, and I'm doing the same thing this year, but with a twist -- this year, I'm answering all of your questions via vlog! It's a little (okay, maybe a lot) long, but I wanted to make sure I answered all of your questions!

But first, some stats!

Number of posts: 325 (up from 108 a year ago, which means I've written 217 posts in the past year)

Number of comments: 1334 (up from 72! So in the past year, I've gotten 1262 comments -- you guys ROCK!)

Number of hits: 86,373 (up from 9,230; I knew the blog had grown, but I didn't realize it had grown that exponentially!)

Most popular post: Wordless Wednesday -- What I Did At Work

Number of hits: 8087 (for perspective, my most popular post a year ago had 296 hits)

Most-searched term that leads to my site: "project runway logo" ("eShakti reviews" is a close second)

Biggest readership outside of the U.S.: China (Ni Hao!)

I'm really gobsmacked by how much these numbers have changed from a year ago! I knew there was a substantial difference over the past two years, but I didn't realize the blog had grown that much just over the past year! And I owe it all to you! Thank you so much for being a Good Girl Gone Wife reader, and actually reading the crazy things that come out of my brain!

But now, on to the answers to your questions! I'll admit that I tend to get a bit sidetracked, so try not to be too weirded out when I go off on tangents about how my sister thinks I talk or that my husband and I won't be making a sex tape (because yeah, that kind of gets brought up. I'm weird like that).

Again, THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! None of this would be possible without YOU!

Lazy Sunday #10 -- Blogiversary Edition

noreply@blogger.com (Alex Green) — Sun, 19 May 2013 03:08:00 +0000

Welcome to Lazy Sunday, a no-rules social media hop! Link up your blog and social media links, and you might be featured next week! Today is a special Lazy Sunday, because it's my blogiversary!

This week's featured blog is Craft Cravings! Head on over and see what Heather's been up to lately!

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Link up, mingle, and have fun!

When I Grow Up, I Wanna Be Famous

noreply@blogger.com (Alex Green) — Wed, 15 May 2013 04:00:00 +0000

Since this is obviously in your head now. You're welcome.

When I was little, that was my main goal in life. Mostly, I wanted to be an actress (I had it all planned out -- I'd act on both film and stage, then win a Tony for portraying Dorothy in a stage adaptation of The Wizard of Oz), but more than anything, I wanted to be famous. And I didn't care how it happened, provided that it was a good kind of famous (you know, like Marie Curie famous, not Monica Lewinsky famous).

As I got older, the less I cared about being famous. I figured I'd never be able to cut it as an actress, because I just didn't look the part. I turned my eyes toward more practical career paths and left my lust for fame behind me. It was years before the thought of being famous ever crossed my mind again.

It was after I started blogging.

If you blog or read blogs (heck, even if you don't), you know there are some HUGE bloggers out there. Bloggers that get book deals, national morning show appearances, and use their blog as their main source of income. They've achieved a newer kind of fame -- being blog famous. There are other, less successful blog famous blogs of course; they don't have a book deal, but a lot of bloggers know who they are, and they're raking in the benjamins.

I didn't realize this when I first started blogging. But the more I started branching out and reading other blogs, the more I became aware of what it meant to be blog famous. And the more it started to sound appealing. For awhile, I thought I might try to become blog famous.

I started tying to model my blog's appearance after more successful blogs that I admired. I tried forcing myself into a niche, because I was told it would help make my blog more successful (and I absolutely loathed it, and I'm really glad I dropped it like it was hot). I spent hours reading articles I had Googled about how to make my blog more successful. I even joined one of those humongous giveaways where I didn't have to pay anything and just sent in social media links (a move that now makes me feel like a bit of a sell out). And yeah, my blog grew (and my social media followers grew quite a bit), but not by much.

I read a few other blogs similar in size to mine, and a few of them seemed to explode overnight. It seemed like this had happened because they sucked up to bigger bloggers, or paid a lot of money for ad space on a major blog. It's like a group of them just decided to stick their heads up each others butts. And it's working for them.

But that's not something I'm interested in doing.

If I become blog famous someday, awesome. But if it happens, it's not going to be because I paid for it (whether with money, flattery, bribery, or integrity). It's going to be because people genuinely like what I have to say. But being blog famous? It's not important. And it's not something I'm willing to compromise myself for anymore.

Like me? Awesome.

Don't? Whatever.

Either way, I'm okay.

I'm me.

I have my own place to discuss my thoughts, and I have my integrity.

And I have my Psych gifs :)

(Not So) WW: A Haitian Throwback

noreply@blogger.com (Alex Green) — Tue, 14 May 2013 22:00:00 +0000

***There are four days left to get your blogiversary questions in! Ask me anything!***

I love to travel, though I haven't been able to do it much, and lately the bug has been stronger than usual. To placate it, I've been looking through pictures from my 2009 trip to Haiti (pre-earthquake), and I thought I'd share some with you :)

I went as part of a missions team with my church, and we stayed in a mission compound in a tiny village called La Digue that contained a house, school, and church, as well as other buildings.

This was the view from the porch of the mission house. The building on the left had been turned into a sewing workshop. They taught the village women to use sewing machines, taught them how to sew simple bags (which they have available for sale), and pay them wages to help support their families (though where we were, bartering was quite common, but there were larger towns farther away where they could purchase items and services).

Everyone in the village had a goat, and everyone knew which goat belonged to which person. They would often sneak onto the compound to hang out and eat (and get chased by my friend Seth, who desperately wanted to touch one -- and failed).

This is the mission church, located next to the mission house/school. The villagers brought rocks until they had enough to build it, and everyone built it together :)

One night in the middle of our stay, one of the women from the village came and cooked us a Haitian meal. I don't remember every item on the menu, but we had chicken Creole, goat Creole, a beet salad, fresh mangoes and bananas, and fried plantains. I absolutely LOVED the plantains, and tried the goat (it was good, but I felt weird about eating a goat, so I just had a couple of bites). The fruit there tastes so much better than it does here. The bananas were like velvet, and the mangoes were sweeter and juicier than any I'd ever had here in the USA. I actually don't eat bananas nearly as often as I used to, because it makes me sad that they don't taste as good.

The mission house occupied the top floor of the main building, and the bottom floor was a primary school. School wasn't in session when we were there though.

There were turkeys running around everywhere too :)

The mission delivers "love bundles" (bags with toiletries, toys, and peanut butter) to neighboring villages, and one day we went and delivered some. This was my first non-aerial view of the ocean, from a small mountain village.

Another day, we walked to a nearby village called Barbancourt, where we helped serve lunch to the local children and spent time coloring and talking with them (some of the children do speak English, because it's taught in at least some of the schools at a certain age). It took about an hour, but we got to see some cool things. We trekked through a banana/fig/plantain field, and hiked through a gorge and stream.

On our last full day, the missionaries took us to Wahoo Bay Beach resort for a day of fun and relaxation. It was also the first time I went in the ocean (and boy, it was hard to get me out!), and the first time I went snorkeling. I had a blast, and I can't wait to get back to the ocean!

Got a Wordless (or less than wordless) Wednesday post? Link it up!

Mental Health Isn't A Joke

noreply@blogger.com (Alex Green) — Tue, 14 May 2013 01:11:00 +0000

A friend of mine posted on Facebook earlier today that he needed to find a way to see a therapist, because he was upset with himself and that he couldn't "keep living this way". I didn't ask for specifics (we're not that close), but recommended a local counseling center that operates on a sliding fee scale, which he seemed to appreciate. Two other people had commented before I had.

The first comment said that the gym is cheaper than a therapist (this might be true sometimes, but not always). But he already goes to the gym almost daily. He doesn't need to find a gym. He flat-out said he wanted to go to therapy. To me, it just seemed like the first commenter wasn't taking him seriously.

The second commenter, in an attempt to lighten the mood, quoted that old SNL sketch where Sean Connery is on Jeopardy and sees the category "Therapists" and says he'll take "The Rapists" for $200. I get that he was just just trying to be funny and cheer him up. I get that. But it doesn't make me any less irritated.

Maybe you think I'm getting too upset about this, but I don't. I think more people need to be more upset about people not taking mental health seriously. I dealt with mental health issues for pretty much my entire adolescence, and I have several loved ones who have struggled with mental health issues as well (they actually run pretty rampant through my mother's side), so this is an issue very dear to me. If someone is asking for help, it's because they want help; they don't want jokes, they don't want to be belittled...they want HELP.

We live in a society that attaches a stigma to mental health issues, so when someone has one, they are often hesitant to ask for help. They don't want to look weak, or out of control, or "crazy". They're willing to be falling apart inside while they put up a front to maintain appearances. And some people are awfully good at it.

So when someone takes the brave step to ask for help, WE NEED TO HELP THEM. We need to offer our support. If you don't have the necessary resources, recommend someone who does. A Google search can work wonders.

There's more that you can do though. Mental health care needs to become more accessible so that more people can get the care they need. You can help make this happen by writing your Congressmen. If mental health issues have directly affected you, I encourage you to share your story with others. The more we talk about mental health issues, the more people will realize that mental health issues aren't something to be embarrassed about, and that might embolden them to seek help when they need it.

When I was in elementary school, the insult of choice was "Go to Charter" (Charter was a mental/behavioral health center in the area). Every time I think about that, I'm embarrassed. Yes, I was a child, and I didn't exactly know better, but it just shows that the stigma attached to mental illness can be learned at a very young age. It's my hope that by the time I have kids, they won't grow up in a culture that still feels that way. I know it seems improbable, but together, we can work toward making it a reality.

Happy Mother's Day!

noreply@blogger.com (Alex Green) — Sun, 12 May 2013 05:12:00 +0000

Mother's Day was very rough for me last year. I was at my freaking-out-over-my-barren-womb peak, and it was just not a fun time for me at all. I hoped and prayed that this year would be different, but obviously, it hasn't been so far (though I think it won't be too much longer :). The difference is, this year, I'm not just sitting around feeling sorry for myself. At least not while I type this. We'll see how things go at church. This year, I am instead choosing to not dwell on the fact that I don't get to be recognized as a mother this year, and choosing to celebrate the mothers that I do care about. Mother's Day isn't all about me.

To my mama -- It seems like a lot of people tend to take after one parent in particular, but I think I'm an awkward, perfect mix of both of you. Though everyone has always said that I'm the spitting image of my dad, I have your mouth, the mole on my neck that you insist all the women in our family have, and your "what the heck is wrong with you?" look. I have your brains (but not in a zombie way. Yet.), your sarcasm, and your pride and appreciation for our family history. While my childhood wasn't exactly a smooth ride for me, and I wasn't always an angel, I like to think that you rubbed off on me in the best way possible. And though I'm not exactly in the place in life that we both thought I would be in, I really hope I've made you proud. I know that I've always been proud to be your daughter (well, except for maybe the time you were singing "I Want It That Way" in Meijer. That was mortifying).

To my mother-in-law -- I mostly just want to say thank you. Thank you for welcoming me into your family. Thank you for not being one of those crazy mother-in-laws who their daughter-in-laws hate. Thank you for always being so kind and generous when we've needed your help. Thank you for taking such good care of your entire family. But mostly, thank you for raising a good man. I'm honored to be his wife, and I know that you played a huge role in the man he's grown to be. Thank you.

To my Granny -- You truly are the rock of our family. It's been hard to not see you as often as I used to (after all, I did live with you for a year, and then we lived next door), but I know that no matter what the distance, your love for me never diminishes. I know that today is going to be atypical for you, and probably a little bittersweet, since Aunt Jan died yesterday and you're so far away from your own children today. I pray that you can take comfort in the family down in Elkhart, and in knowing that you have surely been a comfort to Bobbie Jo and her family this past month (not to mention to Aunt Jan in her final days). Know that even though you are one of the strongest women I know, that it's okay if you need to be weak now and then. I love you, and I can't wait to see you (hopefully sooner rather than later).

To my Grandma Sally -- In my life, you've been more of a second mom to me than a grandma. If there was ever anybody who had my back, it's you. It's been that way from before my first breath, and I know it'll be that way until you take your last. Throughout the craziness of my life, you have been the one constant. No matter what, I've always been able to come to you with anything. You've always been my "person", and I will be eternally grateful for that. I seriously don't know what I'd do without you. I only wish I was able to be more of a help to you now, and that I would have been more of a help when I lived with you.

To all the other mothers out there -- Happy Mother's Day! No matter how stressed you might be, or how unappreciated you might feel, know that your efforts are not in vain. Being a parent is SO important, and everything you do has an impact on your child. Delight in the small moments, and never take parenthood for granted. Appreciate the gift you've been given, and make the most of every day with your little ones. If your little ones aren't so little anymore, take pride in knowing you helped shape who your children have become. Even if your kids don't always say so, they're (more than likely) grateful for everything you've done for them.

For the moms-to-be -- Congrats! I wish you all a happy (sort of) first Mother's Day! I imagine this is probably a pretty exciting day for you! Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy (I wish you a healthy and happy one), and enjoy your babies when they get here!

For the moms who only get to hug their children in their hearts today -- I grieve with you. I know this can be a difficult day. If anything, I hope that you can find something today that will put a smile on your face. You are stronger than you know, and your strength is inspiring to others. Know that it's okay to feel. To feel sad. To feel angry. To feel jealous. To feel none of these things. No matter what you're feeling, your feelings are natural and okay. If you need to take a step back today, that's okay too. You are not alone.

No matter what your situation today, I wish all of you a Happy Mother's Day!

Lazy Sunday #9 -- Happy Mother's Day!

noreply@blogger.com (Alex Green) — Sun, 12 May 2013 03:23:00 +0000

Welcome to Lazy Sunday! As always, there are no rules. Just link up and have fun!

This week's featured blog is Adventures with Jude! Meg is mama to five special needs kids, and blogs about her homeschooling adventures (among other things).

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What I'm Really, Truly, Loving Right Now

noreply@blogger.com (Alex Green) — Fri, 10 May 2013 03:00:00 +0000

This isn't going to be like a Must-Have Monday post where I'm like "OMG I LOVE THIS BLOG!" or "SERIOUSLY, HOW ADORBS IS THIS FOREVER 21 SWEATER?!?!". It's just simple things that are making me super happy right now.

The fact that I can listen to (almost) anything on Spotify. Sometimes, you just need to listen to Ed Sheeran's "+" over and over, because every single bit of it is brilliant and beautiful.
That the last day of school is a week from today. I love teaching, and I love my kids, but I need a break. This girl is way too stressed out right now.
That Little J (the oldest of the two kids I nanny for, and also a student in another class at my school) brought me roses at our spring program tonight. It was so sweet of her parents to do that! Her mom is pretty much the most thoughtful person I've ever met. And I LOVE getting flowers. I haven't gotten any since my 23rd birthday, so it was a nice little surprise.
That we only had one kid run crying off the stage! (If you knew my kids, you'd understand why that's a big deal).
The library. I hadn't been in a month or so, but I went yesterday and picked up A Clash of Kings and some infertility books. I need to spend the summer reading like I did when I was a kid (and if you think that's dorky, believe me when I say I did waaaay dorkier things as a child on summer vacation).
That I'm actually going to be able to go out and do some things in the next couple of weeks! Dinner at The Melting Pot with my dad next weekend, brunch with my coworkers at a restaurant I love a couple of days later, then going to the Indianapolis Zoo with my best friend on my birthday. I <3 the zoo like woah.
Ice cream. I don't have any, but it makes me happy :)

What's making you happy today?

Sugar 'n Spice VoxBox Review

noreply@blogger.com (Alex Green) — Wed, 08 May 2013 23:03:00 +0000

I originally wanted to vlog this, but I'm sick, and my voice is pretty much completely gone. Like, I literally can barely manage a low whisper half the time. No bueno. That's also why I didn't use photographs I took myself; I figured if ever there was a time it was okay to be lazy, it's now.

But anyway, as you may know, I'm an Influenster member. I qualified for the Sugar 'n Spice VoxBox program, so I received a complimentary box with full-size products in it for testing purposes. I was able to vlog my first impressions when I received the box, and all in all, I'm pretty happy with what I received.

Colgate Optic White Toothpaste, Toothbrush, and Mouthwash

The toothbrush is by far my favorite part. I've been using an electric Oral-B for awhile, but I actually felt like this got my teeth cleaner. It has these little bristle cups, and a tongue/cheek scraper. I'm pretty sure I might have gingivitis, because sometimes my gums bleed when I brush (TMI? Maybe. But I've talked about my reproductive system enough that this shouldn't be too bad), but they haven't bled at all with this brush.

The toothpaste is a good kind of minty, and it always leaves my mouth feeling (and smelling!) fresh. I haven't used it consistently since I've gotten (I often use my Aquafresh when I'm stumbling around in the morning), so I haven't had major whitening, but I have had some noticeable whitening, which is always nice.

I'm not crazy about the mouthwash. It's supposedly the same flavor as the toothpaste, but I don't think they taste anything alike. The mouthwash's flavor is just not appealing to me. I use it though for the sake of its whitening prowess.

NECTRESSE Natural No Calorie Sweetener

Nectresse boasts natural ingredients, so I was intrigued. When I checked the ingredients though, the main ingredient is erythritol. Erythritol is something that can be naturally found in fruit, but sweetener companies ferment it from corn riddled with GMOs, which doesn't make it as natural as they'd like to make us think. As such, I only used it once in a glass of tea. It was sweet, and didn't have the chemical aftertaste many sweeteners have, but I think I'll stick to my natural sweeteners.

belVita Breakfast Biscuits, Cinnamon Brown Sugar flavor

These tout that they give you sustained energy. I don't know about that, but they were pretty tasty! They tasted like a mix of a snickerdoodle and a ginger snap. They also come in convenient little 4-packs, so you can just grab them and go, which makes them perfect for breakfast or a snack on the run.

Dickinson's Original Witch Hazel Oil Controlling Towelettes

The only downside with these (to me, anyway), is the smell of witch hazel. I really don't like the smell of witch hazel, and, of course, these reek of it. I use them anyway though, because they're awesome. I keep them in my gym bag, and after gettin' my sweat on, the coolness feels amazing. They help control oil (obvs), and leave my skin feeling soft, never dry. I'd recommend these in a heartbeat.

Vaseline Spray & Go Moisturizer

This is by far my favorite item in the box. I keep this in my gym bag too, and I love using it. The spray is so much easier to apply than trying to lotion up your legs. It goes on and dries in seconds. My skin never feels greasy, just soft, and it looks better after I use it. The smell is pleasant without being overpowering. I totally intend to buy some more once my bottle (can?) runs out!

I'm really pleased with my first VoxBox, and I look forward to seeing what's in future VoxBoxes (even if I don't get them -- it's just fun to see!).

If you're an Influenster who received the Sugar 'n Spice VoxBox, what was your favorite item?

WW: Anniversary Dinner

noreply@blogger.com (Alex Green) — Wed, 08 May 2013 01:38:00 +0000

Today is our 2nd anniversary! We don't have much money (or dinnerware, lol) at the moment, so I made dinner for us. I went with an Italian theme, and served Caesar salad, breadsticks, fettuccine with homemade Alfredo sauce, and cannoli, which neither of us had ever had before.

We got rid of most of our stuff when we were supposed to move to Florida last year, so we just have a small mix of dishes. I covered the table with some fabric, lit some candles (in awesome candle holders my mama gave me for Christmas!), put the breadsticks in a vase, and used some of my Granny's old goblets for drinks. Not the prettiest table I ever set, but it did the job :)

Got a Wordless Wednesday post? Link up!

Mother's Day & The "Non-Mother": A Guide

noreply@blogger.com (Alex Green) — Mon, 06 May 2013 04:22:00 +0000

I know National Infertility Awareness Week is over, but with Mother's Day coming up this weekend, I really wanted to share this.

Mother's Day is a wonderful day; it's nice that we have a special day to honor mothers.

However, Mother's Day can be an extremely painful day of grief for some. There are mothers who have had to bury their children. Some mothers never got the chance to hold their little ones. There are mothers whose only children are in their hopes and their hearts. They are mothers, but to many in this world, they are not. They are forgotten. And on Mother's Day, they may want to do nothing more than curl up in bed with a bottle of wine and a box of Kleenex.

And you know what? That's okay.

If Mother's Day is hard for you:

It's okay if you don't feel like going to family celebrations, church, or other gatherings/events where there will be a celebration of mothers and/or lots of children. If it's too painful for you to go, don't. Don't let anyone (including yourself, because we're always our own harshest critic) make you feel guilty about it.
If you feel up to it, try to schedule something fun to do with your partner. Go see a movie, have a picnic, maybe plan a romantic weekend getaway. It's easier to not feel as down about it if you're too distracted to think about it.
I know it's hard, but if you feel up to it, maybe call a friend who is having a similarly rough time. It would probably do you good to hear a kind, understanding, supportive word, so someone in a similar situation could probably use one as well.
Take care of yourself. Schedule a massage, get a pedicure, do a little retail therapy -- whatever helps you relax and makes you feel better. If you see a therapist, maybe try to schedule a session for the Friday before or Monday after Mother's Day so you can discuss your feelings in a welcoming, non-judgmental setting.

But women who want and/or grieve for children they don't have aren't the only non-mothers affected by Mother's Day. There are women who choose not to have children as well. Unfortunately, the general consensus in our country for some reason seems to be that every woman wants kids, and that's definitely not the case. There's nothing wrong with a woman who doesn't want children. As a matter of fact, I really admire women who know they want a child-free life; it's so much better than a woman who never wanted children having a child she didn't want just to conform to societal norms, or pressure from a partner, or some other reason. A woman who doesn't want children isn't weird. She isn't cold-hearted. She isn't unkind. She just knows what direction she wants her life to take, and knows that it doesn't include children. Be respectful of that.

If are around a childless woman on Mother's Day:

For the love of Gumby, PLEASE do not ask when she's planning on having children. If she is dealing with loss of infertility, it could just be a painful reminder of what she doesn't have, and if she doesn't want children, it's just rude. Don't make any assumptions.
If for some reason the subject does come up, and a woman says she doesn't want children, don't tell her that she'll change her mind. Yes, there's a chance that she will, but it's just as likely (if not more so) that she won't. Saying that is disrespectful and condescending.
Please understand if a woman dealing with loss or infertility does not want to participate in Mother's Day activities. It can be extremely painful, so please be respectful of that. You'd understand those feelings if someone had lost their mother in the past year, so try to understand it for these women who want nothing more than to be a mother.
Remember your friends dealing with pain on Mother's Day. Take the time to reach out to them and ask how they are; if they don't feel like talking about it, respect that, but they'll appreciate that you took the time to ask. If you pray, say a prayer for them.
On Mother's Day, the last thing someone in pain wants to hear about is what gift your children gave you. They aren't trying to be insensitive, it's just painful for them.

These are just a few suggestions, but obviously every person is different and feels different, so what might help someone might not help someone else. Whether you are trying to be supportive on Mother's Day or someone who is grieving on Mother's Day, being honest about your feelings is the best policy. If you're hurting, say so. If you don't know what to say, say so. Honest conversation will be more beneficial to everyone involved.

Lazy Sunday #8

noreply@blogger.com (Alex Green) — Sun, 05 May 2013 15:19:00 +0000

Happy Cinco de Mayo! It's a beautiful day to sit out on the patio with a margarita ;) True story: in sixth grade, we had a Cinco de Mayo party, and I was on the decorations "committee" (for lack of a better word). I made the banner, but I wrote Cinco de Maya. Way to go, 11-year-old me.

As always, this is a no-rules hop. Link up and have fun!

Every week we have a featured blog, and this week's featured blog is A Step In The Right Direction! Ashlee blogs about her weight loss journey and her life as a new mom. Check her out!

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I Have Questions (And Maybe You Do Too)

noreply@blogger.com (Alex Green) — Fri, 03 May 2013 14:33:00 +0000

Today's post is going to be a little different than usual. Today, I have some questions that I would like real-life answers to (as in, actual experience and not a Google search), so I thought I'd ask you lovely readers!

1.) Do you know of any effective lower ab workouts?

I've been doing the 12-minute ab circuit at my gym, and I really like it. I can always feel it for a couple of days after I work out. The problem is, I can only feel it between my boobs and belly button. Unfortunately, I have a really awkward 3-shaped (from the side, anyway) stomach, and there's this awful little pouch of fat under my belly button. I'll spare you actual pictures and draw you one instead.

Can anyone help me make this go away?!?

2.) Have you ever been to The Melting Pot?

That's where I decided I wanted to go to dinner with my dad (he always takes us out for my birthday), but none of us have ever been. Is it worth the price? What's especially good there?

3.) What's your favorite girls' night activity?

My best friend and I are having one tonight, and it sounds like it's going to involve jello shots :)

4.) Do YOU have any questions for ME?

Last year, for my blogiversary, I did an ask me anything post where I answered your questions, and I thought I'd continue that this year. So if you have any questions for me (and seriously, it can be anything), let me know! You can leave it in the comments, post it on Facebook, tweet me, or email me.

I can't wait to get your questions (and answers -- help?)!

Top Three Thursday -- Websites I Can't Seem To Tear Myself Away From

noreply@blogger.com (Alex Green) — Thu, 02 May 2013 04:00:00 +0000

Ah, the internet. It's everyone's favorite timesuck. Well, everyone except my grandma. And my in-laws. But definitely for everyone else.

There are a few ways in particular that I've been wasting time lately, and once you get sucked in, it's awfully hard to get out (though if you're anything like me, you won't entirely mind).

Pet Rescue Saga

Okay, so this one is less a website and more a Facebook game (well, it is a Facebook game), but I'm constantly playing it in my spare time. Out of all the "Saga" games I've played (including Candy Crush, Bubble Witch, Bubble, Farm Heroes, Hoop de Loop, and Papa Pear -- and yes, I'm okay with it if you're thinking "Wow, this chick has problems" right about now, though to be fair, I only play half of them regularly), this one is by far my favorite. You basically just match up sections of colored blocks, while trying to rescue pets (bet you didn't see that one coming, eh?). It's fun and addictive.

Get Off My Internets (GOMI)

This is a website dedicated to blogger-related snark. Now, it might seem that as a blogger, this wouldn't be something I would necessarily want to take part in, but I love it. It's an absolute hoot. They generally only snark on bloggers that act like total douchecanoes or condescending pyschos, and a lot of it (though not all of it) is well-deserved. Because there are a lot of total douchecanoe blogger cliques out there (but that's a rant for another day). I haven't participated in the forums, but I really love reading them. I just spent like the last two weeks or so reading a 200+ page thread about a particular mommy blogger that was well worth the time I invested. And yeah, sometimes some of the comments can get mean-spirited, but everyone tries to keep one another in check so that they're not being too mean. Besides, most of it is true.

Full House Reviewed

I just found this blog today, but I can't stop reading it (in fact, I had to make myself stop reading just to write this post!). The name is pretty self-explanatory -- it's just reviews of each episode of Full House. Except that it's written by a guy who HATES Full House. I LOVE Full House, and have for pretty much my whole life, and this blog is cracking me up.

A few lines I've encountered so far (though the best stuff isn't exactly PG -- if profanity offends you, this is not the website for you):

"Joey gets hit on the head with a falling coconut, which is the greatest moment in the whole series."

"That was the season premiere, you guys. That was supposed to get us excited about the rest of the season. I feel upset."

" Rebecca Donaldson explains to DJ that even though she’s broken up with Jesse they can still go horseback riding and she’ll be there to teach her about tampons and stuff."

"Kimmie seems to have a moment of clarity in which she recognizes how stupid and lame everything the full house stands for is and unabashedly disses DJ and the whole party. I’m surprised it’s taken Kimmie Gibbler so long to realize how much cooler she is than everyone on this show…"

Have you visited (and become addicted to!) any of these? What's your most addictive website?

WW: Take Me Out To The (Wiffle) Ball Game

noreply@blogger.com (Alex Green) — Wed, 01 May 2013 02:25:00 +0000

Link up your Wordless Wednesday posts below :)

More Cotton Anniversary Gift Ideas

noreply@blogger.com (Alex Green) — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 04:00:00 +0000

Our second anniversary is a week from tomorrow. It's crazy how fast the time has gone!

Unfortunately, we don't have a lot of extra money right now, so we're not planning to do anything gift wise (which bums me out, considering how much thought I've put into it -- maybe I'll find a way to pull something off though), and I'm just planning to cook a nice dinner for the two of us.

Anyway, I'm going to stop being a downer now and get to the good stuff -- more cotton anniversary ideas!

1.) A blank canvas. A canvas is a nice cotton gift for an artsy type.
     -Bonus gift: pairing it with new paints and/or brushes.
     -Double bonus gift: if you want to give an experience, you can pair the new supplies with a painting class!

2.) Cotton candy. Married to a kid at heart? Cotton candy is a fun, silly way to satisfy a sweet tooth.
     -Bonus gift: You can pair the cotton candy with tickets to the state fair for a fun outing together.
     -Double bonus gift: If your loved one really loves cotton candy, maybe a cotton candy machine is in order?

3.) A nice cotton dress shirt (this one is Croft and Barrow, available at Kohl's). Most people could always use a nice button down; they're classic and can be dressed up or down.
     -Bonus gift: Make reservations for a nice dinner out so that he has somewhere to wear his new shirt :)
     -Double bonus gift: Perhaps give a coordinating tie as well. My husband, at least, would love that -- he's a sucker for ties!

4.) A golf towel (like this one from Golfsmith). Got a golfer in your life? You can have a golf towel monogrammed for them so they always know which one is theirs.
     -Bonus gift: Several courses/pro shops offer gift certificates for greens fees.
     -Double bonus gift: Want to give something more? A new club might be just the ticket :)

5.) A cotton onesie (this one is from Gymboree). Expecting a little one? A cotton onesie is a fun gift for a daddy-to-be. If you haven't told him yet, it can be a cute way to announce your pregnancy.

6.) Pajamas (these Justice League pj pants are from Target). Pajamas are cozy, and I don't think I know anyone who has too many pairs.
     -Bonus gift: Breakfast in bed could be a fun surprise.
     -Bonus gift: Have a family slumber party! The two of you (plus any kiddos you may have) don your pjs, order a pizza, pop in a movie, and snuggle down with some blankets. Togetherness is always a fun gift :)

7.) A quilt. You can make one if you're crafty, but if you're not, you can always buy one (like this one from Target).
     -Bonus gift: use the quilt as a picnic blanket, and pack a romantic picnic for two.

8.) A cotton robe (this one is from Pottery Barn). A cozy plush robe always feels nice, especially warm from the dryer.
     -Bonus gift: Plan an at-home spa day!
     -Bonus gift: DIY pampering not your thing? Schedule a couples' massage.

9.) A fun cozy hat (like this Stay Puft marshmallow man hat from Spencer's). My husband's a sucker for fun hats too.
     -Bonus gift: Are you guys a couple of ski bunnies? Plan a trip to the slopes.
     -Double bonus gift: New skis or a snowboard would surely be appreciated on the hills.

Lazy Sunday #7

noreply@blogger.com (Alex Green) — Sun, 28 Apr 2013 14:22:00 +0000

As always, no rules! Just link up and have fun!

The featured blog of the week this week is Botanical Reflections 2.0! Chela has a lot of interesting stories, especially about her bird, Mr. Tibbs!

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Join The Movement...To End The Awkwardness

noreply@blogger.com (Alex Green) — Fri, 26 Apr 2013 23:40:00 +0000

This isn't the first time I've blogged about needing to talk about infertility, and I'm sure it won't be the last. But I want to talk about one specific facet of the infertility discussion.

I want to talk about how freaking awkward it is.

Because it IS awkward.

It's awkward for the people dealing with it. It's awkward for their loved ones. It's awkward for our society.

As a woman with infertility, I can totally vouch for the awkwardness. No matter how pro-talking about it I may be, it can be awkward to bring it up. The infertility discussion doesn't exactly perk up the mood. You don't sit around the table at Thanksgiving and say "This year, I'm thankful that I haven't completely driven myself nuts from the grief of not having a baby" when your turn finally comes.

And of course, actually bringing it up is awkward. When you do, you can see the people in the room start to get fidgety and squirm a bit. You can tell they don't know what to say and they're silently hoping to find a way to change the subject (not everyone is like this, of course, but it seems to be the general reaction). I fully believe that the main reason people react this way is because infertility is still a bit of a taboo subject. It's just something you don't talk about.

Unfortunately, when we do talk about it, the reactions can be pretty awkward too. There's always that friend who is like "Oh, just enjoy being young and childless. They're such a handful!" or when his/her child is behaving badly, "Be glad you don't have to deal with this", when you're just over here thinking I would do ANYTHING to have kids that stress me out. I have a friend like this, and I love her dearly, but she's constantly making remarks like this, and it always makes me feel really weird. I know she doesn't mean anything offensive by it, and maybe she's just trying (and failing) to make me feel better, but it hurts every time she says something like that. And I know I should probably tell her that, but then we'd both feel awkward (see? There it is again. Awkwardness is just everywhere). If you want to know more about infertility etiquette, Resolve has a great page on the subject.

But if we talk about it more, and make it more acceptable to talk about, it wouldn't be nearly as awkward. We could bring infertility awareness to the mainstream. If people are more educated about the disease (and the World Health Organization does define it as a disease), people will feel more confident discussing it. While not everyone going through infertility feels comfortable talking about it, I think more people will if we let them know that it's okay to talk about it, and I think that works the other way too. I, for one, am always willing to talk about infertility with anyone who wants to know more or know my story. Heck, I actually wish more people would ask me about it, because nobody ever does. It actually makes me kind of sad, because even though they might just be unsure how to broach the subject, it feels like they just don't care. And saying that makes me feel selfish for wanting to talk about myself. But I need to talk about it sometimes, you know? And I'm sure a lot of other infertile women feel the same way.

If you are dealing with infertility and feel comfortable talking about it, I urge you to let people know that it's okay. If you're not sure where to start, ask someone you trust if they feel comfortable talking about it with you.

If you know someone with infertility and feel comfortable talking about it, I urge you to reach out to them. Ask them if they would be okay talking about it. If they are, that's wonderful, but if they're not, don't push them; when they're ready to talk, they'll know they can talk to you.

No matter who you are, I urge you to check out the links below so you can learn more about infertility, and how you can help.

Together, we can make infertility a heck of a lot less awkward.

Infertility 101
About National Infertility Awareness Week

WW: It's Just So Beautiful

noreply@blogger.com (Alex Green) — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 00:54:00 +0000

This gorgeous canvas featuring my handsome little Archie, that is :)

Seriously -- isn't he handsome?

I got it from Easy Canvas Prints, and I couldn't be happier. Their prices are the best I've seen, but the quality definitely isn't lacking. Tom even said that he thinks it looks more high quality than our wedding canvas (though to be fair, this photo was taken with a much better quality camera than our wedding canvas photo). It's an absolutely stunning option for putting your photos to canvas. The ordering process was painless (just upload, pick your customizations, and you're done!), and my canvas was at my house within a week and a half of ordering. I can't wait to find my hammer (where did I put that thing?!) and start our own little gallery wall that I can't wait to add to over the years :)

It looks good no matter how far you are from it!

Got a Wordless Wednesday post? Don't forget to link up!

I received a sample from Easy Canvas Prints for reviewing purposes. All opinions are honest and my own (well, and that one that's my husband's :)

Infertility in the Media: Celebrities and Characters Bringing Awareness to the Cause

noreply@blogger.com (Alex Green) — Tue, 23 Apr 2013 22:02:00 +0000

Infertility is the breast cancer of our generation -- nobody wants to talk about it. It's not often addressed in movies or television, or when it is, it's in a completely unrealistic way. To continue my infertility posts in honor of National Infertility Awareness Week, I've put together a list of TV shows and movies that portray infertility realistically, as well as celebrities who have struggled with infertility (though, of course, this isn't a comprehensive list -- there are a lot of shows, movies, and celebrities dealing with infertility).

(And just to be clear, I'm not claiming ownership over any of these photos -- I don't spend my life stalking celebrities)

Celebrities with Infertility

-Giuliana Rancic is probably the first person a lot of people think about when you think about celebrities with infertility, as she documented her struggle on her reality show, Giuliana & Bill. The couple began trying to conceive in 2009, and began IVF in March 2010. Giuliana got pregnant that spring, but suffered a miscarriage. They tried IVF again in November, but it didn't take. While prepping for their third round of IVF, Giuliana was diagnosed with breast cancer. They had some of her eggs retrieved, and found a gestational carrier. They welcomed son Edward Duke in August 2012

I think by being open about her infertility and letting the public see everything they've gone through, Giuliana has been such an important part of making infertility a less taboo subject.

-Elizabeth Banks and her husband spent years trying to have a baby, undergoing multiple fertility treatments without success. The couple has gone on to have sons Felix and Magnus, both via gestational surrogate.

-Courteney Cox, like her character Monica Geller Bing, had trouble having a natural pregnancy. After she suffered multiple miscarriages, she underwent IVF successfully, and she and ex David Arquette are the proud parents of daughter Coco.

-Brooke Shields underwent seven rounds of IVF to get pregnant with oldest daughter Rowan, while her younger daughter Grier was conceived naturally. Not only do I commend her for being open about her infertility, but for speaking openly about her bout with post-partum depression as well. These are subjects that need to be okay to talk about!

-Nicole Kidman first became a mother in the early 90s, when she and then husband Tom Cruise adopted daughter Isabella and son Connor. After marrying Keith Urban, she gave birth to daughter Sunday Rose, and they later had daughter Faith via surrogate. She has said that in her efforts to expand her family over the years, she has had an ectopic pregnancy, mulitple miscarriages, and fertility treatments.

-Hugh Jackman and his wife, Deborra-Lee Furness, adopted two children after multiple miscarriages.

-Celine Dion welcomed son Rene-Charles in 2001 after several years of tying unsuccessfully to conceive (including miscarriage and fertility treatments) and undergoing IVF. In 2010, she gave birth to twins after six rounds of IVF.

-Mariah Carey had trouble conceiving, and after a miscarriage, was put on progesterone both before conceiving and during her pregnancy with twins Monroe and Moroccan.

-Khloe Kardashian has famously been struggling to conceive throughout her marriage to Lamar Odom. After consulting a fertility specialist, she learns that she doesn't ovulate (having the same issue, I empathize) and her uterine lining isn't thick enough to support implantation (she was prescribed pills to remedy this). As awful as infertility is (and trust me, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy), I think that Khloe is good for bringing more awareness. She's honest about her struggle, doesn't try to sugarcoat anything, and remains positive, even though she's been trying to have a baby for over three years.

Infertility in Movies

-Cynthia & Jason, Couples Retreat

Admittedly, I have not seen this movie yet, but I know the basic premise. Jason and Cynthia have gone through multiple failed attempts to conceive, and their marriage is on the verge of collapse. They tell their friends that as a last attempt to save their marriage and avoid divorce, they are planning to go to a couples therapy resort. That's as far into it as I'm going to get, since I haven't seen the movie and the rest of what I do know is irrelevant. The reason I included this is because infertility is something that truly can rip a marriage apart. Infertility is not easy at all, and (in my personal experience, anyway), men and women go through it and deal with it differently. As stressful as infertility is on the individual, it's important to remember that it's stressful on the couple as well. You're facing this together, not alone, so make sure to rely on one another.

-Ellie & Carl, Up

Infertility is tackled in the first few minutes of this animated film, and boy, do those minutes pack a wallop of emotion (and without saying a word!). Carl and Ellie meet as children, grow up and get married, and want to expand their family. The next thing you know, Ellie is sobbing in the doctor's office, having been told that she can't have children (and possibly that she has suffered a miscarriage as well, since they had been putting together a nursery).

Ellie is deeply affected by the news, and spends her days sitting in silence, seeming to have lost her joie de vivre (and I've definitely been there a couple of times through my own infertility struggle). When Carl shows her the adventure book she had been keeping since childhood, it reminds her that having a baby was not her only dream, and the two of them are shown to have a happy, loving life, even without a child.

It's seriously probably the most tear-inducing five minutes you will ever watch in your life.

Infertility in Television

-Meredith Grey & Derek Shepherd, Grey's Anatomy

After having a miscarriage in the middle of a hospital shooting, Meredith learns that she has a "hostile uterus". They undergo fertility drugs (including Derek administering a shot in Meredith's butt while in the elevator at work). They go through heartbreak after heartbreak, with no pregnancy, and it's only exacerbated when Callie gets pregnant from a one-night fling with Mark. Meredith's jealousy is something that I think most infertile women (and definitely I!) can identify with. When Callie and Arizona are in a wreck, and Callie (and therefore the baby) are endangered, Meredith feels guilty over her previous feelings.

Eventually, Mer and Der decide to adopt Zola, an African orphan receiving treatment at the hospital. After some bumps in the road, Zola is officially part of the Grey-Shepherd family, and Meredith is (surprise!) currently pregnant with a boy (which is maybe the thing that bothers me about this storyline. I'm thrilled that she was able to conceive -- as I hope I will, one day -- but everybody has a story like "Well so and so adopted, and then BOOM, she was pregnant!". It just seems so trite, and almost like a stereotype, if that makes sense).

-Robin Scherbatsky, How I Met Your Mother

Robin's story is a little different than most. She knew that she didn't want to have children. Then she found out that she couldn't. As she tells the story to the kids she never had, she admits that she is glad they don't exist. So you may be wondering why I put her on the list. Even though Robin did not want children, she mourned her infertility because it took the choice away from her. And that's what infertility does to ANYONE it affects. I am child-free, but it's not my choice. If I had a choice, I'd know what it's like to have a healthy pregnancy and the joy of being a mother. Though Robin had lead a child-free life by choice, the choice was no longer hers to make (and yes, adoption, IVF, etc. are always an option, but we're just talking traditional pregnancy here), and THAT is what bothered her. I think that's an important thing to remember. And on top of that, Ted went on to say that although she never became a mother, she led a full, happy life without children, which is also something important to show.

-Frank Jr. & Alice, Friends

Phoebe's little brother marries a much older woman (his home ec teacher, actually, so that part isn't particularly realistic), and they want to have a baby. The only problem with that is that Alice can't have a baby. So they ask Phoebe to be their surrogate. She eventually accepts, and undergoes IVF treatments, and ends up giving birth to triplets.

-Monica & Chandler, Friends

This was probably my first real introduction to infertility. I've been a die-hard Friends fan since I was a little kid (it was actually my favorite show for quite some time, and still one of my all-time faves). In "The One With The Fertility Test", Monica and Chandler head go have fertility tests done after a year of unsuccessfully trying to conceive. While they remain hopeful, they learn that Chandler's sperm has low motility and Monica's uterus is an inhospitable environment, so they are unlikely to conceive naturally.

In "The One With The Donor", the doctor explains their options to them, and they seem to like the idea of a sperm donor. Chandler thinks he knows the perfect guy, so he brings him home so Monica can decide how she feels about him. He seems perfect, but ultimately, Monica decides that she doesn't want to have a biological baby with anyone but Chandler, and they decide to adopt. They eventually end up adopting twins (a surprise to them, but a pleasant surprise!). Granted, all of this happens much more quickly than it usually does in real life, but the pain and the process are all realistic enough (to me, anyway) to be included on this list.

The absolute best part (for me, anyway, and other than when they bring home the twins) is when Chandler is trying to convince the birth mother, Erica, to let them adopt her baby. He tells her, "My wife's an incredible woman. She's loving, and devoted, and caring. And don't tell her I said this, but the woman's always right. I love my wife more than anything in the world. And I...it kills me that I can't give her a baby. I really want a kid. And when that day finally comes, I'll learn how to be a good dad. But my wife...she's already there. She's a mother...without a baby. Please?"

I can't watch that episode without bawling. Heck, I got a little teary-eyed just typing it.

Have any of these celebrities/characters changed the way you see infertility? Have they helped you become more aware of what infertility is and what it's like?

My Infertility Timeline

noreply@blogger.com (Alex Green) — Mon, 22 Apr 2013 04:41:00 +0000

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week, so there will definitely be some infertility-related posts on the blog this week! I figured this would be a good place to start, since I have some newer readers who aren't familiar with my journey to become a mother.

I'd like to preface this by saying that even though the title is My Infertility Timeline, Tom is obviously affected as well. The only reason I put "my" is because my body is the one that doesn't work right. I just want to make sure that nobody thinks I'm trying to downplay how this affects him, because it's definitely been really difficult for him as well.

And, as with a lot of my infertility-related posts, there might be some overshares. If you don't want to hear about my sex life, this is not the post for you.

July 2010
   -I get my first Depo-Provera injection
The previous month, Tom and I had lost our virginity to one another and were moving in together in August, so I wanted to make sure that I always had birth control covered (I didn't want kids until after we were married). I had previously taken birth control pills to help regulate my ridiculously heinous periods, but I would sometimes forget to take them. That's not a huge deal when you're not having sex, but it makes it very unreliable when you are. A Depo injection lasted for three months, and I didn't have to worry about it every day, so it seemed like the perfect solution. I was told that it could take up to a year to get my period back after going off of it, but I was okay with that, especially after a co-worker told me that her friend got pregnant two weeks after going off (I was so much more naive back then, eh?). I had done some research before getting it, and it said that prolonged use (like 2+ years) could lead to infertility, so I figured less than a year's worth of shots wasn't going to do anything negative.

That obviously turned out well.

October 2010
   -I get my second (and final) Depo-Provera injection

January 2011
   -We have a (kind of) pregnancy scare
I know, it sounds crazy since I was on Depo. In my defense, the shot was wearing off, and I was suddenly nauseous all the time (and had some headaches, which I hardly ever get). I took a test, and when it was negative, I was really sad. I actually cried. I couldn't believe how upset I was. Our first great-nephew (yes, you read that right) had just been born like the week before, so I don't know if that had something to do with it. We had planned on starting to try on our wedding night four months later, so I opted to not get a third shot so that the hormones could start working their way out.

me and Avery on the day he was born

March 2011
-We decide to start trying to conceive
I don't remember what prompted this discussion, but somehow, we started talking about how badly we both wanted to be parents, and decided that we didn't want to wait until May to start trying.

April 2011
-I had a period
It was weird, because it lasted four days, and then came back for three days a week later, but I was bleeding again, and I took it as a good sign. Unfortunately, I didn't see it for a long time after that.

September 2011
   -I got a positive pregnancy test
Three times, actually. I figured that we were lucky enough to catch my first ovulation, since my period had been MIA for months. We were completely ecstatic, and couldn't help but tell everyone.

October 2011
   -We find out that I was having a hysterical pregnancy
At the doctor, urine tests were negative. Blood work was negative for pregnancy as well as diabetes and a thyroid problem, which the doctor had suspected might be causing all my symptoms. I was diagnosed as having a hysterical pregnancy, and it was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. I was sad, angry, embarrassed, ashamed, confused -- there were just so many feelings and thoughts swirling around, and it affected me in a really negative way. The doctor prescribes provera, which gave me two short periods in November and one in December before it stopped working. She also tells me if I continue to have trouble conceiving, we could try clomid.

March 2012
   -We hit the one year mark, and I still don't have a period that occurs on its own
          I remained hopeful that it will come soon, and became even more active on The Bump message boards than I had been over the past year.

September 2012
   -I reflect on what life is like a year after getting a positive pregnancy test
   -I begin taking vitex to try to bring about a period
After the depo, and then the provera, I was awfully wary of putting more synthetic hormones in my body (which is also why I haven't tried clomid yet), and decided to explore natural options. I also started getting on The Bump less and less; so many girls were getting their BFPs, and it was getting too depressing for me.

October 2012
      -I get a period!

November 2012
   -I get a four day period, followed by another four day period two weeks later. I begin thinking that my body might actually be regulating!

Decemeber 2012
     -No period. I'm devestated, but decide to give myself another month (without vitex) to see if it returns.

January 2013
     -I have my worst period ever
And for me, that's saying something. As a teen, my periods were crazy heavy, and ridiculously long (my longest was 27 days, and I averaged 15). My mom wanted me on birth control to help, but my dad and stepmom felt differently, and it didn't get dealt with until I was 18 and in college. This one wasn't quite as long (almost two weeks though!), but it was SO SO SO heavy. Like, at times bleeding through a tampon and two overnight pads in two hours heavy. And then I was sick on top of it. It was absolutely miserable, and I even had cramps for the first time in a decade (as awful as my periods had been as a teen, I was lucky enough to only get cramps twice, though both times they were so bad I couldn't walk).

February 2013
   -I have a nice, normal period

March 2013
   -I don't get a period, and wonder if I might actually be pregnant
I had a lot of symptoms, and thought I saw a super faint line on one of the tests I took (and had dark pink lines appear after the time limit. It was my fault for looking after ten minutes though -- MAJOR NO-NO!). But tests were negative and my sore boobs went away, though I still get nauseous (but that's normal for me over the past year or so, I've noticed).

April 2013
   -We decide to take a TTC break
So that brings us up to now. I'm giving myself another couple of weeks or so to see if I get a period back before trying the vitex again, but I decided last week that I want to take a break from the stress of TTC, and Tom's fine with that. Truth be told, we're not in a good place financially, and that's stressful enough without the added stress of TTC. If it happens while we're not trying, that would be awesome, but I'm not going to obsess over possible ovulation dates and basal body temperatures, and the state of my cervical fluid (which I check pretty much every time I wipe, even though mine has proven to be crazy unreliable). I want more than anyting to be a mother, but I just need to take some time to regroup.

It has been a long, tiring, grief-filled, confusing, rollercoaster of a journey, and it's obviously far from over, but I'm definitely not done with it yet. I hope that if any of you are dealing with infertility, that you'll be able to share your story with others this week to help raise awareness (though if you can't bring yourself to discuss your struggles with others yet, I completely understand and respect that -- it's not exactly an easy thing to talk about).

Related Posts

Lazy Sunday #6

noreply@blogger.com (Alex Green) — Sun, 21 Apr 2013 04:42:00 +0000

Welcome to the Lazy Sunday hop! This is a no rules blog and social media hop -- just link up, check out some other blogs, and make some new friends!

This week's featured blog is The Kitchen-Sink Chronicles!

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Fifteen Forty-Two

noreply@blogger.com (Alex Green) — Sat, 20 Apr 2013 00:41:00 +0000

That's how long it took me to (mostly) run a mile last night.

I say mostly, because I did have to take a few walking breaks, but I did actually run (albeit at times slowly) for 12 minutes of that 15:42.

Now this might not seem like a huge deal to some people, but to me, it's pretty freaking big.

If you would have told any of my gym teachers in school that I ran most of a mile (and did it in under twenty minutes), they probably would have laughed in your face (well except Mr. Bates -- man, he was HOT). I have never really been particularly athletic. I took dance as a toddler (I wanted to continue, but unfortunately that didn't happen), did volleyball and cheerleading in later elementary, and played softball and baseball for several years, but I'm just not an athletic person. My parents aren't particularly athletic (though they are both amazing artists, but I didn't inherit those genes either), and I've been at least a little overweight for pretty much as long as I can remember, but though I loved playing tag and riding my bike, I always preferred intellectual pursuits over athletics (like the summer I read the dictionary up through "E").

When the Presidential Fitness Test would come around, the only thing I ever did well was the sit and reach (because despite the fact that I'm a BIG girl, I've always been pretty flexible). Shuttle run? Not great, but not the worst. Sit-ups? Terrible. Pull-ups? Absolutely abysmal; I've never been able to do one. And when it came to the mile, I would run in short spurts, but walk almost the entire thing (I was never last though -- there was always someone slower, even when I was pulling in 22+ minute miles). So the fact that I not only ran almost all of it, but did it in 15:42? That makes me feel proud of myself.

For so long, I've wanted to be a runner. I just didn't think I really could. I mean, I weigh almost 300 pounds, I've spent my entire life trying to avoid running, and I was kind of too terrified to really try.

But now, I feel empowered. I know if I keep at it, I'll be running like I've been dreaming of. And though I'm not very fast, and I didn't run the whole mile, what I accomplished last night makes me feel like I've earned the title of runner.

I am a runner.

I never thought I'd be able to say it, but I'm really looking forward to being able to continue proving that it's true :)