good intentions

Martha and Tamsyn - their birth story

2012-01-28T12:10:00.001Z

Our girls are here! At 37 weeks and after a planned induction that was a little later than *actually* planned, they came into the world with relative ease and only a little fuss. If you're a man you might want to stop reading now, fingers in ears and 'lalalala' (or maybe not, there won't be too many graphic details!). Here is the birth story of Martha Alison Brown and Tamsyn Elaine Brown, born 22nd January 2012.

My induction was booked for Saturday 21st Jan, and I was asked to go to hospital the day before to be examined to see if they would start me off overnight. When we got there there were no beds on delivery suite due to a sudden influx of inconveniently labouring women, so they stuck me on a ward. No news the next morning or for the whole of Saturday, which was really disheartening as we had really geared ourselves up for it to happen that day. Luckily as the girls were pretty snug and happy where they were it wasn't urgent I was seen that day but it was a bit hard to take.

Anyway overnight on Saturday they finally took me down to the observation area next to the delivery suite and examined me, I was 1-2cm dilated and having pretty constant but pain-free tightenings, so they decided not to start the official process of gels and drips as they thought things might progress overnight. In the morning I was slightly more dilated to 2-3cm but no other change. The doctor decided to break my waters for me as she thought that would start me off and yes it did!

In the company of the lovely midwife Jenny who we were really lucky to have with us all day, my waters were broken at 10.40am and strong contractions started soon afterwards. By the time Jenny went for her lunch at around 1.30ish I was only 4cm dilated. Ali had been into Headington and brought the papers and a Starbucks latte for me and I had a spell on the rocking chair, reading the Observer magazine and sucking on the Entonox gas and air through contractions. I decided against an epidural as while the contractions were really long and painful, I was managing on the gas and air.

"Nothing will happen any time soon, you're not ready, so I'm off for my lunch" said Jenny, handing over to 2 other lovely midwives. Hmmm. By just after 2.15pm I was high as a kite on gas and air and contracting pretty permanently. "You're not ready to push yet!" "Oh yes I bloody am" and Martha made a pretty swift entry to the world at 2.47pm weighing 5lbs 5oz, and demonstrating excellent lung capacity with her screams. I was as shocked as anyone it had happened so quickly and there was immediately a team of paediatricians, doctors, midwives etc to look after her and focus on twin 2 who was preparing to make her way out.

Our second little lady caused a bit more bother - she turned around after Martha was born, still head down but now back to back so they lost her heartbeat. All of a sudden there were millions of people in the room, they broke the 2nd lot of waters and although scans showed her heartbeat and her moving, the team in the room became so concerned they got her out with forceps after giving me a local anaesthetic to numb some of the pain. However at the point they were about to wheel me to theatre (apparently - I was fairly oblivious to this due to a combination of absolute agony and gas and air) I pushed hard and out Tamsyn popped at 3.06pm.

After I'd delivered the placenta (Ali has pictures for those who are curious, it was fascinating to see it though pretty gruesome) and got stitched up (the doctor had to cut me as forceps were involved) I got to have skin to skin with the babies and Martha started to feed straight away, bless her. Tamsyn was a bit trickier and didn't really get the hang of it but we had great support from the lovely midwife Renata. I was in a room recovering by about 8pm.

We were all discharged home on the Tuesday after the birth on the Sunday, which in hindsight wasn't the best plan, as we were straight back in the next day after the girls were weighed by the community midwife and had lost more than 10% of their birthweight. We're in the JR fattening them up and they are doing brilliantly, so we hope to be out again at the weekend.

Overall the whole experience was very different to Gemma's birth which was far less 'managed'. I don't feel it was any the worse for that though, just different but still wonderful; and the team at the JR, once they got going with inducing me, were and continue to be amazingly professional, caring and supportive. Our 2 girls are here, safe and sound and that's what matters most. Their big sister is delighted with them and has been a little treasure over the past week while Mummy and the babies have been in hospital. Ali and I are so, so lucky!

Our lovely new girls

Tamsyn Elaine Brown

Proud big sister Gemma with Martha

Martha Alison Brown

36 weeks 1 day

2012-01-16T21:13:00.001Z

Somewhat astoundingly I am still at home, waters intact, babies tucked away inside, and every day expecting to be on my way to the delivery suite at the JR. On the one hand this is brilliant - every day the girls are still here means less chance of them ending up in the Special Care Baby Unit (SCBU) once they arrive and thus getting home quicker. All recent midwife and hospital check ups have revealed no complications or other issues; my iron levels which dropped low a couple of months ago have come back up a bit after taking supplements, and apart from some ankle/feet swelling I have no new symptoms other than being increasingly massive, unable to walk further than the end of our drive (which is not very far) and needing to wee all the time. Pretty typical end of pregnancy stuff really.

On the other hand, every day becomes more and more of a struggle especially from late afternoon onwards, occasionally through the night, and early mornings. During this time I am constantly on the alert for waters breaking or any pattern to the crampings and contractions I'm getting, so cannot relax at all. Luckily by mid morning, after breakfast and a shower, I don't feel as if my entire lower belly is about to just open up and drop both babies onto the floor, and as long as I sit for most of the day and don't overdo it, I'm generally OK-ish until about 4 or 5pm. So part of me would be quite happy if it all just happened now...

We had the last ultrasound scan last week, both girls are head down still, hooray! and twin 1 estimated to be 6lbs 1oz with the leading twin 2 around 5 and a half pounds though mostly fully engaged now in my pelvis. After a bit of a lengthy discussion with a clearly exhausted registrar (in lieu of Mr. Impey, the consultant we've seen a few times now) on inductions and methods of delivery, we agreed on a natural birth, didn't agree on epidurals (he was pro, I need to be a bit more convinced, but ultimately will do what is best for the babies) and also agreed on a planned induction should they not kick start things by themselves. So by the end of January we will definitely have our girls with us!

Gemma is mostly being very sweet about things, is a little unsettled and has started being a bit of a monkey at bedtimes but knows her sisters will be here soon. Granny (my Mum) is here to stay now until the babies make an appearance which is a huge weight off my mind as it means no emergency calls to friends in the middle of the night and handing over a distressed 3 year old to be cared for while Mummy and Daddy are off to hospital.

So. The end is in sight. Now we just need to agree on some names ;o)

33 weeks 6 days

2011-12-31T21:47:00.002Z

Made it, almost to the end of 2011. Here's hoping the spicy Chinese takeaway earlier doesn't spark any action and trigger the girls to come any earlier than they will anyway, though with any luck there won't be a 2011 and 2012 baby (one of the more awkward though perfectly feasible situations discussed recently).

Christmas Day bump cuddles (33 weeks)

Since posting last, we've had one more scan, one more consultant appointment, I've had the flu jab and met my new community midwife, and oh of course the minor matters of Christmas and Gemma's 3rd birthday. Sitting here on New Year's Eve it feels much like the least important of the occasions to be going through, though the last time we properly celebrated past midnight was actually 4 years ago, the New Year before I conceived Gemma.

At the 32 (well, 31+4) week scan, we heard the welcome news that the breech girlie had turned and was head down, meaning both were cephalic (though she could well have flipped back again by now!). Size-wise, more chubbiness - this twin was measuring off the scale for some of her measurements, and estimated to be 4lbs 11oz, with the leading twin between 4 and 4 1/2 lbs (though precise measurements couldn't be got as her head was so far down). Yowsers. At my consultant appt a week later, he rubbished the idea that I would end up with a 9lb-er and an 8lb-er and agreed that I was probably a week further on than my official dates, meaning I have 2 'average' size babies inside me rather than 2 whoppers. Also means that he suggested inducing me at 37 weeks (when I would more likely be 38) which I am more than happy to go with.

It's all getting a bit tense, and that's not just my belly. Very frequent and uncomfortable Braxton Hicks contractions, lots of shooting pains very low down (possibly due to heads engaging) and I can barely walk anywhere now without the pressure and pain becoming too intense. A few days before Christmas I had an awful night of painful contractions lasting into the morning, prompting the cancellation of a pregnancy massage (boo), a call to the midwife and a call to the delivery suite at the JR, though the latter merely generated a suggestion to take paracetamol and see how it went, as 'we're very busy today'. Erm, yeah but babies don't care how busy midwives are do they? Luckily a shower and a walk about eased things off but the consultant later that day told me to go straight in if it happened again. So now every twinge and pain and feeling of heaviness is a major worry :( but no major and urgent signs so far.

So we shall see what happens. At the very least we'll have our girls with us in a little over 3 weeks, but I wouldn't be in the least surprised if they decide to come earlier than that. January 2012 babies, anyway!

30 weeks

2011-12-04T20:41:00.001Z

And measuring 38 weeks at the last midwife appointment last week. As you will see from the bump photo, there has been some significant growth. Oh yes indeed. We had a scan at 28 weeks and the girls are both, well, the sonographer's word of choice was 'chubby'. Twin 1, still breech, very high up under my ribcage and the cause of much back pain the little minx. She was 3lbs 3oz at the scan which is above average even for a singleton. Twin 2 is still head down bless her, and was 2lbs 12oz, still a good weight. So if they stay the same, and I don't think they have flipped round, I stand a good chance of delivering naturally (with twin 1 being breech birthed).

All gloom and doom a couple of weeks ago as well as I discovered the first stretch marks. I never got any when pregnant with Gemma and I didn't realistically expect to get away this time without them appearing, but it was still a bit depressing. I am trying to keep them at bay with Dr. Hauschka's Blackthorn Body Oil so hopefully they won't get too much worse.

Mostly symptoms are the same as 3 weeks ago, apart from the added new one of very strong and frequent Braxton Hicks contractions since the end of last week. Apparently it can be a sign of a urine infection so I'll be getting that checked out this week, but also with twins they do often occur a lot earlier and with a lot more intensity than single pregnancies. It's a very weird and odd feeling as well as being quite uncomfortable especially when they're coming every 10-15mins or so, but not like real labour. I am getting pregnancy massages every 1-2 weeks from the wonderful Bella at Eau De Vie in Oxford and they are wonderful, doing loads of good for my back and legs which are bearing the brunt of the added weight. I'm tempted to try the flotation tank next...

Other than that, we moved house 2 weeks ago. I'll probably get round to writing a post about that some time soon but headline news is that we don't plan to move ever again. And we DEFINITELY will not be moving house when I am 28 weeks pregnant with twins, or even pregnant at all. OH NO.

And finally - 5 days left to go at work, hooray!!!

27 weeks

2011-11-13T20:52:00.001Z

Looking at the last post the thing that strikes me is the relatively compact bump size. Boy oh boy does that feel different now. At my last midwife appointment at 25 weeks 3 days, I was measuring 30 weeks, so now I reckon I'm closer to 33 weeks-ish in terms of singleton pregnancies. I have developed a very unflattering and highly uncomfortable pose when walking of thrusting the bump and hips forward in order to try and actually get from A to B, as I can't stand properly upright any more. Luckily I'm only seeing the physio if I feel I need to as I'm sure she would be horrified at what this back-arching waddle is doing to my posture - and it's certainly meaning a lot of aches and pains from early-mid afternoon onwards, all over the back, under the shoulder blades, all around the bump, hips, legs, you name it, it aches. Restless legs early evening onwards and occasionally even after I've gone to bed which is really horrendous. Heartburn ditto. Urine infection a couple of weeks ago and attendant cramping was equally rubbish. Grumpiness and general pissed off levels? Well what do you think?

On the plus side the mornings are mostly fine - whatever aches and pains and pressure the afternoon and evening bring, seem to drain away overnight (and after at least one middle of the night loo trip) and mean that until just after lunch I can function at work / home, not moan too much, and feel like things are actually not that bad. So having at least half the day feeling OK-ish is not a bad thing. I can still eat pretty large portions at mealtimes and am managing to combine nutrient-rich stuff with lots of treats, and only put the weight on the bump (so far 1st 9lbs weight gain) and miraculously so far no stretch marks (though my inny is very flat and on the verge of becoming an outy). No swelling of hands or feet, and my skin is pretty good and spot-free. It could be so much worse! And the girls are very active, lots of kicking and wriggling going on. Good news.

In other news, we have made the first twin related purchase - the double buggy + carrycots etc. We went for the over the top sounding TFK Twinner Twist Duo, after reading great online reviews and going to visit one of the UK's very few stockists in Bath one Saturday. It felt like a great buggy but still remains to be seen whether it will fit through the front door of the new house*...

I have also become a lot more nervous about spending time in hospital unexpectedly, after a woman on one of the Babycentre boards gave birth at 28 weeks - so some hospital bag purchases were made today (nighties and the like, and a few tiny baby sleepsuits) though there is still a lot to get.

I also made the decision to start my maternity leave earlier, as physically it is becoming a real strain to be at work and mentally I feel like I need at least some sort of break from the stresses and strains of everyday work life to focus on the family and the twins' arrival. Given that they could come pretty much any time (though very unlikely to come this early thank goodness!) I wanted to protect some time before the birth for a bit of sorting, planning, nesting and focussing on their big sister too. So 9th December is my last day at work for a year and my word it can't come soon enough. 4 weeks to go, whoop whoop!
* more of which in next post

23 weeks 5 days

2011-10-21T15:21:00.000+01:00

Comparing pregnancies is starting to get a bit silly so I think after this post I'm going to stop referring to what it was like being pregnant with Gemma. Current bump size is about midway between 29 and 36 weeks size last time, I am 10st 4 lbs (20lbs heavier than when I got pregnant) which I think is about 2 lbs heavier than I reached when about to give birth last time! and symptoms, well, got the lot this time and had hardly any last time. So twinnies, you are truly unique.

One thing that is different, is the level of preparedness for the babies at this stage in the pregnancy. I'm sure last time we had made buggy and cot decisions, decided on monitors, and started making purchases. This time, nothing at all bar one slightly half-hearted visit to a local pram shop to look at double buggies. Part of this will be due to the fact we're shortly to move house, and there seems little point in buying a lot of new stuff we'll only have to pack up again into boxes and unpack when we move. In my head I am envisioning us, one week(ish) post-move, with a dedicated, fairly decent sized room for the twins, starting to really sort out existing things and make online purchases for new. If we move by the end of November (please, please let us get a completion date soon) that should give at least one month to plan for Christmas, Gemma's birthday and the twins' arrival, before January arrives and with it the very real likelihood of them coming earlier than their due date. If they come really early, before Christmas, well, at least they won't be naked, as they'll have all of Gemma's old stuff to wear, some of which might even be washed. But unless we pull our fingers out they won't have a whole lot else...

Of course work tends to have an inconvenient way of getting in the middle of my nice nesting plans, and currently I am going to be in the office right up until Christmas. However, the way I've been feeling (back and hips really sore and aching every afternoon and evening; broken sleep; wretched heartburn; feeling like my bump could literally explode with the pressure) I wouldn't rule out finishing a bit earlier. Unlike last time, where I left the office on my last day not knowing when or how I would be returning, I am pretty sure I will be back at Oxfam in a year's time (or in a day or so after I go on leave, as I'll be taking Gemma to and from nursery every day!) so my current work days are taken up with planning for 2012 to make sure my team are OK and I don't come back to more chaos than is necessary in 2013...

Next scan is at 28 weeks so we'll see the girls again and find out how they are growing. I had a cervical scan at 21 weeks which luckily showed my cervix to be of a normal length (if it had been short I would have been at risk of delivering the twins very prematurely) so as far as we know I am as low risk as you can get for a multiple pregnancy. Both girls are currently kicking away thanks to the berry smoothie I've just ingested, and I heard strong heartbeats at a recent doctor's appointment. As long as they are happy, I can put up with most discomforts. And luckily the very weepy stage seems to have abated a bit ;o)

20 weeks 3 days

2011-09-28T20:15:00.003+01:00

Some good stuff and not so good over the past few weeks, but let's focus on the good first! We had our anomaly scan today, where the twins were very well behaved, lots of wriggling going on but they let us and the sonographer see all the important bits. All organs and limbs are developing really well, no issues or worries at all and both are around the same size and measuring well. They are around 370-380 grams each which is the right weight for babies of 20-21 weeks gestation so no wonder I feel so enormous - I have two normal size and weight babies inside me! Apparently after about 28 weeks they slow down a bit when they realise there isn't a lot of room any more...good job as with the rate they're going I will be toppling over every time I stand up by December.

the only one of two babies together - two heads (I think!)

baby 1 (head down, first out!)

baby 1 again - a great 3D shot

baby 2, breech, hopefully will turn later on!

And yes, we found out the sex, and we are having 2 more girls! Neither little lady was shy about showing off her lady bits so it was pretty clear in both cases. Now I need to find some way of staving off the inevitable onslaught of pink from now until teenage years. Gemma was a little underwhelmed when we told her - she interrupted us by saying she wanted a boy and a girl - so hopefully by the time they arrive she'll be well conditioned to accepting the fact that she'll get two little sisters.

It's such a relief to know that the babies are both doing well, that it's made the past few weeks a little easier to bear. I am currently signed off work for a week, the first time I think that's ever happened, due to the severe coccyx and back pain I'm getting on sitting, and also a horrendous cough and cold that's making the back pain worse. It doesn't help that half the time I blow my nose I end up with a nosebleed either. So the past few weeks I've been feeling very sorry for myself, very emotional and dissolving into tears frequently when feeling run down - which is pretty much every day after about 2-3pm. At a physio appointment yesterday I was so tearful the lovely therapist immediately made me a doctor's appointment for later in the day and virtually ordered me to take a week off work, which of course made me feel hideously guilty and start weeping again. Anyway hopefully after a few days of resting, getting rid of the cold and not sitting at my desk hunched over email, I should be feeling a bit more chipper. And I also have a fetching belly-tubigrip type thing to wear, which may also help. So today is a great day for taking my mind off all this, and reminding me I have 2 lovely healthy, blossoming wee girlies growing inside me and how grateful I am for that! :)

17 weeks 4 days

2011-09-08T20:55:00.000+01:00

On holiday for what is likely to be the last time before the babes arrive. On the plus side, we managed to cram all our packing into the boot of Ali's car - not even needing to split the rear seats and precariously balance things next to Gemma's car seat, or have all the foot wells brimful of stuff. Now Gemma is older, she doesn't need travel cot, bed guards, much in the way of food, or nappies any more - just clothes, toys and a few snacks. I reckon we could even have got away without the buggy this time as we have hardly used it since being away. This, I know, will be the one and only time we will travel this light, until, ooh, maybe 18 years time when Ali and I may possibly be allowed to go on hols by ourselves again?

We've had a lovely time in Padstow, even though the weather has been a bit iffy at times. Beach, Eden Project, ferry rides, a trip to a steam railway (Gemma's new favourite is Thomas the Tank Engine, though she still loves Peppa). On the down side, no cider for me (boo) and no trip on the bikes on the Camel Trail - Ali took Gemma out for the morning which gave me a chance to rest, but I would sooner have been out with them. This week's bump picture has me looking in a slightly better mood than the last one!

Bump-wise I am getting bigger and bigger. And bigger. Lots of things are aching, principally back (all over, upper and lower, but not coccyx as I haven't been sitting on hard chairs for long periods - NOT looking forward to going back to work for this reason); but also hips, and the bump itself is also getting a bit tight and hard and achy by the end of the day. No cravings but I am fast becoming a connoisseur of traditional 'fiery' ginger beers - so far the Crabbies non-alcoholic version is the leader though Luscombe Farm is also pretty good. I have also taken the opportunity while in Cornwall to feed the babies up on clotted cream fudge ;)

I'm definitely feeling movements, mostly from Thing 2 (the higher up twin) as he or she is not as deeply within me, but Thing 1 (lower down, deeper within my pelvis) is also now providing some distinct flutters. This is all very reassuring as when I went for my 16 week appointment with the (very nice, but very no-nonsense) midwife Diana, she could only find one heartbeat with the doppler. This apparently is not unusual with twins especially when one is more hidden away than the other, so she wasn't worried at all, especially as we heard some squealy noises that were pretty sure to be movements from Thing 1 - but until I felt him or her move myself, I was panicking a bit. Appointment with the consultant is next week and in 2 weeks we have the anomaly scan so will find out the sex then. Can't wait!

15 weeks

2011-08-21T20:41:00.005+01:00

Well, 15 weeks is the official date, but as the larger of the two babes was measuring 5 days further on at the last scan, that's what I'm telling anyone who asks, which makes it slightly complicated. "Well, officially 15 weeks, but actually nearer to 16 weeks"and all this made even more surreal because from the expressions they have you can tell people are really expecting me to be about 5 months gone already. Looking at the first bump picture I posted when I was pregnant with Gemma, it's a whole other kettle of fish. I reckon I am slightly bigger than I was at almost 23 weeks before (see this post for ref...!) and on re-reading it, I can't believe there were still people then who didn't know I was pregnant at 5 months. No chance of that this time.

No new symptoms but I have a consultant appointment now, for a week before my anomaly scan. Googling the chap's name he appears to have done lots of very complicated and skilled surgery on women who are pregnant with multiples, and is a renowned expert in fetal medicine, so that has reassured us a lot. I trundled along to the midwife last week to ask a few questions and came away with the advice to take Floradix, a herbal liquid iron supplement, so chugging that before meals now. Back is aching, mostly coccyx pain but I should get a physio appointment soon. Other than that, no news to report other than the occasional flutters mentioned in the previous post, which are coming a little less frequently now. Can't wait for proper movement so I can guess whereabouts the little blighters are located!

13 weeks 1 day

2011-08-08T13:45:00.004+01:00

Something is going on in my insides. I can't possibly be feeling any baby movements YET can I? I have only just had my lunch so am quite willing to believe that there is some radical digestive commotion happening beneath my ribcage but honestly, I am assuming it's to do with my little buns. Sweet now, maybe, but what if they are this active at 28 weeks? I will be forever jerking about and clasping my belly with firm hands in attempts to quell the obvious judderings. And I'll be getting even less sleep than I am now. Oh cripes....

Spot the difference

2011-08-05T14:35:00.003+01:00

Well, a socking great bump for one.

Yes, at almost 13 weeks, I am pregnant again! with some significant differences to last time. I suppose first off is the fact I'm blogging it much earlier than with my pregnancy with Gemma, where I started writing at 15 weeks, but didn't put any posts live until after we'd had the anomaly scan at around 21 weeks. Having had a very early miscarriage before my successful pregnancy, I was a little paranoid that things wouldn't go to plan, so even though we started telling friends and family after the nuchal scan at 11 weeks, I held off from announcing anything online. I'd done quite a bit of research into baby stuff, pregnancy facts etc but hadn't yet started reading the wealth of parenting forums, mummy blogs, and online baby resource sites that there are out there. It seemed a bit weird to be talking about my expanding waistline with the ever present risk that I would have to blog about something not so nice in the event of things going wrong later down the line. So I waited.

This time, however, things are a bit different. I am a bit more open about sharing progress earlier on, having read some heart-wrenching but beautiful stories from other women and knowing that for every one of my friends and colleagues who has had a successful happy pregnancy there is likely to be one who has a sadder story to tell as well.

Also, as mentioned, there's a bit more to tell this time. Twice the amount, in fact. Yes, it is TWINS. TWO. DOUBLE THE FUN.

To say that I was shocked is an understatement. I don't think I have ever felt so absolutely at a loss before in my life, than I was at the moment the doctor moved the scanner over my belly, went 'ohh!' in a surprised voice, and confirmed there were two babies nestling in my womb. With no family history of twins, no fertility drugs or IVF, it wasn't a possibility that had even remotely occurred to me - at 10 weeks pregnant I was at the clinic to get my bloods taken prior to having a nuchal scan at 11.5 weeks, and expecting to have a quick dating scan to confirm the dates and check for a heartbeat. Prior to that moment my only concern had been to see a living being in there (ONE living being, that is) and not to find out I'd had a missed miscarriage.

So there's been some pretty radical readjusting going on in mine and Ali's head space over the past few weeks. It is of course amazing, wonderful news, both babies are currently fine and developing brilliantly and after the nuchal scan today we are a lot more reassured that things are progressing as well as they could be.

But it's also massively scary. A complete curveball for me, who had planned to do everything pretty much the same this time round. Easy pregnancy (hopefully), finish work about 3 or 4 weeks prior to due date, natural birth in the pool in the midwife unit, breastfeed as long as possible, cloth nappies, 9-12 months maternity leave etc etc. But now it's officially a high risk pregnancy, so no pool, no midwife unit, the chances are high they will come earlier therefore stopping work earlier, breastfeeding I am assured will be OK but a bit more challenging! and all the other considerations to come. Not to mention the need to move house asap and change the recently purchased Polo (OK for 2 car seats, limited boot space) for some kind of people carrier.

Symptoms wise it's been a whole lot rougher. Nausea in the afternoons and early evenings is thankfully tailing off now, but absolute bone-shaking tiredness has been present since about 5 or 6 weeks and shows no signs of abating. Spots, yuk. Stuffy nose I can't seem to get rid of. I feel starving all the time! And I am ALREADY enormous and in maternity clothes, whereas I didn't really start showing until about 17 or 18 weeks with Gemma.

So it'll be an interesting next 4, 5 or 6 months depending on how far I get before they decide to make an entry to the world. I'm going to try and do the same as before, which is blog how I am feeling physically, mentally and emotionally throughout the pregnancy. I am 100% sure that after two little ones arrive there won't be time to do more than track their progress along similar lines to what we've done for Gemma. So I feel it's important to have this space to detail some of the journey towards their arrival. Hopefully future posts will be a little more succinct without sounding quite so freaked out by it all!

Get a grip

2011-01-23T21:44:00.004Z

Something very strange and nice has happened to me over the past few weeks. I appear to have been welcomed into the warm embrace of what could be termed the 'mummy bloggerhood' via twitter and blogworld, with a few new followers and lots of new people's lives to read about and nod in agreement with. (It's also opened me up to a concept which quite frankly would scare the bejesus out of me if I didn't know that most of my Twitter followers don't actually want to read about the minutiae of my life, and that is tweeting a link to a newly published blog post. I used to have my blog linked to Facebook and a few of my FB friends found it from there, but since the squillion upgrades they've had that has disappeared. It feels very odd indeed to be proclaiming to the world at large that I've written something but hey, let's give it a go...)

But all this has led to a few roundabout conversations in my head about how much I can commit to write every week. When I started my blog I was commuting hours each day on the train; had no childcare responsibilities, a varied social and home life and consequently a large variety of things to write about. When I got pregnant I was still commuting and found it very therapeutic to blog about my weekly bump progress. When Gemma came along and I landed a local job with no commute, well look at the yearly archive of posts and the numbers for 2009 and 2010 speak for themselves. I joined Twitter over a year ago and have used it to tweet a random mix of personal, work/industry related stuff, and tv musings (Masterchef, Strictly et al), none on a regular basis. I follow a similarly assorted bunch of celebs, friends, work colleagues, and industry tweeters - a bit like the blogs I read, which I categorise in my reader under various headings - local, craft, personal, e-commerce, etc. One of those headings is 'baby' which is a catch all term for the mummy bloggers I've come across over the years. It's probably more relevant as a 'where did I first hear about this blogger and what did I immediately typecast them as' rather than what they actually blog about - all of them being intelligent, creative, articulate women with excellent taste in music, books, food, culture and all sorts of other interesting things. They just all happen to have kids and write entertainingly and movingly about them. This post is an interesting take on the 'mummy blogger' phenomenon and actually made even more interesting for the comments after it.

So why I am I so hesitant about becoming part of this throng? Like anyone I crave acceptance to a group, and perhaps not like anyone am paralysed with worry when I feel I'm being judged or not accepted. However - I know this is not happening to me at the moment and it shows my overanalytical internal nagging at the issue at hand. I was tagged in a meme the other day - the first time ever - and it totally freaked me out. Not because I don't have 7 things to say about myself that are faintly interesting (eh-hem well more likely I don't) but because firstly time seems to be of the essence with these things and once a Twitter day has gone by everyone has moved onto the next thing, and I haven't had a moment to sit down and write anything until now. If I didn't do it what WOULD people think?? Secondly, it wouldn't occur to me to write a blog post about something like that ordinarily, so why should being tagged make things different?

I'm sure I am flouting all sorts of blog etiquette rules here and probably ruling myself out of any meaningful relationship building with my new cyber friends. Most have probably realised by now that they're not going to get much out of me other than a few tweets now and again rather than a chatty conversation; and a blog post once in a blue moon. In turn I will still enjoy reading the new blogs I've found and will ping back a tweet to a comment that particularly resonates with me. But just as I don't call myself a craft blogger because I'm a member of Ravelry and knit occasionally; or a food blogger because I made some jam last November, I don't really feel I can call myself a mummy blogger because I sometimes write about Gemma.

In fact looking at recent posts I seem to be writing an awful lot about whether or not I'm going to continue writing and what type of writing that is and the fact that I don't write as much as I used to. This cannot be good for anyone. Draw the line. Onwards and upwards. My next post will be about compost heaps, or estate agents, or something.

Is this the solution to my blogging productivity?

2011-01-14T21:06:00.001Z

So. I downloaded the BlogPress app onto my phone, ooh, ages ago. Never used it before but if this works (and looks ok - I am a stickler for presentation) it might just prompt me to post a bit more often. Slightly more scope than 140 tweeting characters, fewer readers than for my FB statuses, who knows what scintillating insight (or random TV commentary) you could be subjected to in the future. Watch this space...

Just noticed the little camera icon too. Here's a pic! Not of me. Obviously. I like this app!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Looking forward

2010-12-31T13:49:00.002Z

So it's the last day of 2010, a year notable for almost complete lack of blogging from my perspective and complete hectic frenzy on most other fronts. And not because of any life changing events or major projects on the go, nothing that could really be described as IMPORTANT. Only the constant struggle to fit 2 full time working parents (one of whom spends a number of weeks out of the year on another continent), one full time nursery toddler, some family holidays, the bare minimum of home maintenance, extra curricular time for family, friends, swimming lessons and weekly chores, and about 10 minutes every week for a moment to sit down and think, into the last 12 months since I went back to work.

It's actually been a really tough year as well as a wonderful one. Gemma has come on so much in her physical, mental and social development and is a right little lovely monkey now (see http://lefthandedmonkey.com for her progress updates) - this past Christmas and 2nd birthday have been fantastic. One of the funniest moments was having lunch out with friends yesterday - after a big bowl of ice cream and much excitedness, Gemma put her spoon down, looked at everyone and said earnestly, "I'm a bit hyper now".

However, I have found it really tough working full time as well as being a full time mother. I don't feel I have deprived Gemma in any real way - I'm sure she would love a day or two extra a week at home with mummy but overall she loves nursery so much and it has brought her on in so many ways that I actually feel they have done a better job than I would have in some respects. After all there is still no designated 'messy play' area in our house for her and I will always veer towards the story reading/walk to the park/swimming/play with toys type of entertainment rather than getting the play dough or pens or paints out. Some of the sweetest moments this Christmas have been late afternoon, on a bit of a wind down from all the chocolate and overexcitedness, snuggled on the sofa with her watching a kids film.

No, it's more the breathing space that I'm missing, and the realisation that actually I am more of a homebody than I had previously thought, and hate not being able to get all the things done round the home that I constantly spot need doing. I find it incredibly frustrating that I don't have the time to sort out the garden or plan stuff that needs to be done around the house or actually finish more than one piece of knitting per 6 month period. Clothes shopping is a furtive 20 minutes at work on the internet at lunchtime. Meal planning for our week is more 'what's in the veg box and how many fishfingers do we have left in the freezer' rather than looking creatively at what we have and browsing a few recipe books for inspiration. And always the nagging guilt that we should be spending much more quality time together as a family at the weekends rather than me martialling everyone from swimming to supermarket to swings to home and nap time while the cleaning is done, repeat ad infinitum...

2011? I don't think it will be much different to begin with. My work year is not going to be any less hectic, for a start. But as Gemma grows up and will become less demanding (maybe not quite yet, but hopefully at some point this year!) maybe we'll be able to plan our out of work lives to be a bit more fulfilling, and I can take pleasure from the little things and stop fretting over the big stuff. After all, we have so much to be thankful for. So thanks, 2010 and hello 2011. May your days be merry and bright.

Time to try again

2010-09-12T21:47:00.004+01:00

For any old friends who might still be out there, no, not that type of trying.

It's time for me to decide, once and for all, whether I am going to continue blogging here or stop once and for all, and at the moment, the former is the preferred option. I've just re-read all my 'pregnancy diaries' on this blog and realised that actually I bloody enjoyed writing about stuff on a regular basis. And today I learned that Bloglines, my RSS reader of choice, is ceasing to exist on 1st October, which has given me a bit of a jolt. Even before I started blogging myself, I used Bloglines to aggregate all my feeds, and have found it the simplest and most user friendly of interfaces ever since. Every new post on this blog plus all the posts and photo albums I've posted on lefthandedmonkey.com have been viewed via Bloglines, so it peeves me mightily to have to use Google Reader or somesuch from now on.

What this news has done though is prompt me to re-read the past few years of postings on good intentions. This year has seen a massive blogging hiatus, wholly due to the demands of a full time job and a full on daughter. One of the reasons I have decided to carry on blogging, even if there are no readers out there any more, is the increasing frustration I'm feeling at the lack of individual time I have to just be myself, do stuff, that isn't job or family related. My family is my life, don't get me wrong, and by gum Gemma is the best achievement I have ever made. But it's time to reclaim a bit of 'me' even if it's simply by writing things down. With no commuting time (except driving in the rush hour singing Baa Baa Black Sheep at the top of my voice to entertain the small child in the back); no early morning time at work; and limited free time at home (sssh I was meant to be ironing tonight) this is going to be a bugger to achieve, but I want to give it a go again.

If it gets to May 2011 before I post again, maybe I'll have a rethink. But I should be able to do better than that, I hope.

Business as usual

2010-01-15T14:27:00.002Z

New year, new projects - at least that's the idea. I've actually been pretty busy on the knitting front since Christmas, making a cardigan for Gemma's baby friend Alice who was born in the same birthing pool exactly 2 weeks later than she was! Incredibly annoyingly I ran out of yarn about 5 rows from the end of the final sleeve. Grrrr. Still, it's given me renewed vigour for making things, and my yarn stash is relatively healthy (well, for me anyway) so there are a few little hats on the way, finally finishing my Central Park Hoodie (a mere 15 months after starting it, eh-hem...) a jumper for Gemma, and then, enticingly, a package from Clothkits on its way. They have a sale on at the moment and when I saw the image below I just couldn't resist ordering the dress, and then a little birdie skirt to go with it. You can't adequately describe this kind of cute, can you?

In other news, I've decided after much humming and hawing to stop going to the monthly bookgroup for a while. I've gone to the Mostly Books Wednesday evening bookgroup since its inaugural meeting back in 2006, but over the last 12 months have been attending sporadically due to a certain little one's arrival. I have read all the designated books each month however, and have increasingly found that doing this gives me little or no time to read my unread mountain, making me slightly resentful of the bookgroup book I feel I have to read. (Naming no names, Silas Marner). Now that I'm back at work full time, I decided I would see how that affects my work-life-reading balance, get through a pile of books of my choosing, and see how I feel later in the year about re-joining the group.

Finally, a nice feelgood end to the post - I had a fantastic piece of luck a few weeks ago while working from home due to the snow. As nursery was shut, Ali and I were sharing Gemma duties while trying to answer emails etc and after she'd woken from her morning nap on the second day at home we decided to take a walk to avoid cabin fever. We made it into town, went to Scuffs (a brilliant kids shoe shop in the market square in Abingdon) and bought the next size up in Padraig Slippers - the only shoes she cannot pull off, hehe.. On the way back home, trying to avoid slipping and sliding in the heavy snow/ice, I put the shoe bag and my purse in the bottom of the pram. On reaching home however we found the bag had disappeared. Disaster! So I retraced my steps into town (including a heavy tumble on the ice which gave me an enormous bruise to my knee and my dignity), hoping to find the bag still where it had fallen, whereever that may be. No luck. I got back to Scuffs without much hope of finding anything, only to be told that some kind soul had found the bag, looked through my purse to find my contact details, handed the bag and purse to a local community policeman, and phoned Scuffs with the details in case I ended up back there. The police phoned me as well to let me know they had the bag safe, so I picked it up from the station that afternoon, intact. The guy who was so honest was a chap called Ed Carlin, and he phoned me a number of times to make sure I knew my purse was safe, as well as sending me a very sweet text afterwards declining my offer of a thankyou gift. It's wonderful to know there are honest, helpful and conscientious people out there. Bless 'im.

Mixed feelings

2009-11-15T19:26:00.006Z

This post marks a number of things for me - the end of my maternity leave, the start of a new job, Gemma starting nursery, and another rather emotional watershed which I'll come onto later. It's a bit cheeky of me to hardly post at all this year and now offer up a huge rambling discourse but bear with me..

At the beginning of November, I started a new job at Oxfam. Earlier this summer I got a call from a recruiter, and as I was always planning to go back to my previous role full time in January after my maternity leave, I initially said I wasn't interested in the job they were describing to me. Then the magic words 'based in Oxford' were uttered as well as the organisation involved, and - well, I quickly became quite a little more than interested. There followed a couple of late nights frantically getting my CV in order and an interview where 'winging it' would be a generous description of my approach, and I was offered the job as Head of E-Commerce. Brilliant!

One of the really nice things about it all was the fact that Oxfam have a workplace nursery on site, and luckily there was a place for Gemma in the under-two's room. Towards the end of October we started settling in sessions, starting with an hour of me and her meeting everyone and playing together, through me leaving her for longer and longer periods, until a couple of weeks ago she had her first full day there. She goes two days a week while I am at work part time, then from January we are both five days a week. She absolutely LOVES it. I almost feel guilty picking her up at the end of the day as she is clearly having a ball, and all the staff comment about how she's always happy and smiling and laughing. It's made it so much easier for me to end my maternity leave and go back to work, even with starting a new job, knowing that she's happy and cared for during the day. And having debated the pros and cons of going back to work in one of my previous (all too rare, this year anyway) posts it has cemented in my mind that it is utterly the best thing for us both. Hooray all round.

So why the mixed feelings? Part of it is that while I am really enjoying my new job, and finding it a fascinating organisation to work for, it is quite hard to get into it on two days a week. I know come January I will be desperate to get back to the two days on, five days off routine (sounds bliss, doesn't it?) but I've never in my career had to get my head around things on such a part-time basis. Luckily I have a great new team, new boss and new colleagues who are fantastically understanding and accommodating and insistent that I take these first few months as pure induction time and don't do any actual work. This is just a time thing - I'll get used to it very soon and before I know it, it'll be January anyway..

The main reason for my wibbliness at the moment is more personal though still baby-related. For those who aren't parents and probably also those who haven't breastfed, the following ramble probably isn't going to be of massive interest, so feel free to skip. Normal service to be resumed shortly. I wanted to get my thoughts and feelings on the subject down though, before time blunted them a bit.

So, it's come to the time when I have made the decision to stop breastfeeding Gemma. I always knew I would breastfeed my child from birth, unless there were any physical reasons why I couldn't, and thankfully both of us got the hang of it relatively quickly. My initial plan was to breastfeed until she went onto solids at 6 months old, and then see what happened then. What happened was, we found out she had a cow's milk intolerance, and couldn't take dairy without coming out in hives. As most standard formulas are based on cow's milk, this made it an easy decision to carry on BF for her milk feeds, as I didn't want her to have too many soy products in her diet. We went through a dodgy period at around 7-8 months when she was biting me a lot while feeding - YOUCH! - and I nearly gave up then, but persevered and she got over it. I had a vague idea in my mind that I would wean her either at 12 months, or when she started to walk, whichever came first (at current progress the birthday will definitely arrive first...!).

But now, at ten and half months old, I can tell my supply is diminishing, and quite quickly too. I was BF for her early morning and bedtime feeds, with her having a cup of soy formula in the afternoon, and especially at bedtime, she still seems to enjoy the comfort and close contact. However I can tell it's taking longer and longer for the milk to come through; and there isn't anywhere near as much as there used to be. Occasionally she gets frustrated at both of these things and that's not great for either of us, and of course I need to make sure she's getting enough milk on a daily basis anyway.

This morning then, I gave her a cup of formula when she woke up. After a few confused grabbings she realised what was going on and absolutely wolfed it down, confirming in my mind that I'd made the right decision. But at the same time I was a bit downhearted. Surely she should have been more upset about the lack of boob? Tonight I breastfed her bedtime feed. It was fine. I think it was for the last time though - I'll give her a cup tomorrow night. I want her to become able to be physically independent from me and I want other people (Ali, grandparents) to be able to put her to bed at night. I know this is the right step forward. But it feels so strange and sad - only for me obviously (apart from the slight change in bedtime routine I don't think Gemma will take long to get over it) - and emotional. I have completely loved being able to feed my child and knowing I have given her a great start in life. I've felt so close to her as a result and I am sure it helped us to bond. It's been a lot cheaper too ;o) And this is a step forward for us, not a bad thing at all. So forgive the self-indulgence of this post, but I'm glad I got it out of my system, as a marker for lots of things that are ending but more importantly a whole new chapter that is beginning - for both of us.

Best band in the world. EVER.

2009-09-03T13:12:00.009+01:00

I guess it seems a bit cheeky to break a long blogging silence by just posting a video and eulogising about how amazing Radiohead are. I sooooo wish we had managed to get day tickets to the Reading Festival on Sunday so we could have witnessed what by all accounts was a phenomenal set. Sadly the BBC only showed about a third of the tracks but what you can see on iPlayer is fantastic. Gemma especially seems to like it when the camera lingers on Jonny Greenwood. Perhaps it's the hair.

(update on 16th Sept - the video isn't available any more :o( but believe me it was awesome!)

Life is good

2009-07-07T11:21:00.003+01:00

So it's been a while. It's not that I haven't had the time to post anything, although it's obviously been very limited to brief moments in between baby demands. It's just I haven't had a lot to actually blog about. Every time I think of a suitably pithy topic, and make a mental note to remember to write about it, Gemma will roll over, or start gurgling, or require a nappy change and the thought goes out of my head never to return. Occasionally I have moments of slight guilt that I ought to be updating this blog at least as regularly as I do my baby's. But having said that, life is really too short to be worrying about stuff like that. And now she's 6 months old I am reminded every day how fast the days, weeks, months go by and to make the most of them at the time.

And oh we do! So life is good, really good. I have a beautiful, happy daughter who seems to love nothing more than making an unholy mess with any vegetable or fruit purees we put near her mouth, and who as I type is laughing and jigging up and down in a wonderfully contented sounding way in her door bouncer; we've just been on a fantastic family holiday - our first as a family - to Canada, where we were so lucky to have great friends who put us up and put up with us and made everything so easy and comfortable for us. We have our health, we have enough money (just...) to enjoy our lives and we have lovely families and friends to support us and laugh with us. I'm sure if I were back at work I wouldn't be quite so ready to blog about how great things are, but shhhh no talk about work until January and we still have the rest of the summer, autumn and winter to get through before then!

In other news, the garden is not too bad this year despite virtually no attention beyond an occasional mow of the lawn, and courtesy of the Childrens' Food Festival held near us a few weeks ago, we have a variety of veg on the go - chillies, tomatoes, dwarf french beans, aubergine and courgette. Caterpillars have had one of the bean plants already but the others seem to have escaped and I am especially interested to see if we can manage to get an aubergine from the plant we have. Almost all the hollyhocks flopped and broke after some hefty winds and rain recently but everything else is looking good and it will just teach me to stake them properly next year. In the house, we're getting our sash windows renovated next week and then the top room re-plastered the week after, which will bring us just about to the end of the refurbishments we've been doing since we moved in 5 years ago. We're spending the next few weekends catching up with old friends, grandparents are visiting next week and early August and Gemma gets underwater photos taken at swimming tomorrow. All in all, not a bad lot of things on the go!

Decisions, decisions...

2009-04-28T16:28:00.003+01:00

There's been a bit of a hot discussion happening on the message boards at Babycentre that I've been following with interest. I joined BC while pregnant and it's been invaluable to me as a first time mum, from weekly updates on my pregnancy and now weekly updates on baby milestones and developments as Gemma gets older. I don't look at that many message boards - as I subscribe to so many blogs through Bloglines this is pretty much all I can keep up with, reading-wise at the moment. In fact, the last boards I read on a regular basis were the Channel 4 '4Homes' boards when we were planning our extension in 2006 - for tips on where to buy the cheapest kitchen, etc. But the Babycentre ones are brilliant at reassuring me when I have a question it's not worth bothering the health visitor for, or just to see how other babies are doing at sleeping through the night (or not...), or what brand of cloth nappies is the best.

The discussion I refer to is one of returning to work after maternity leave, and it has engendered some very polarised and heated posts. There seem to be 3 positions:

How can I even think of working and leaving my baby to be cared for by someone else (i.e. not returning to work until the little one is of school age).
I would LOVE to stay at home with my baby but unfortunately finances don't permit it (i.e. returning to work either full or part time because I need to).
As a woman I value the independence and fulfilment a job/career gives me; I think my child will benefit more from having a happy and fulfilled mother; and will also benefit from the interaction with other children and adults at a nursery/childminder (i.e. I will be going back to work because I want to and as a plus I think it's better for the child as well as myself).

My own thoughts are a bit of a combination of the latter two. I am secretly and rather pointlessly hoping for some kind of fantastic luck (mainly involving a large cash injection from somewhere, which, as we don't play the lottery or otherwise gamble, is a bit of a non-starter) which will mean I don't need to go back to work in January, but instead can carry on looking after Gemma full time and be with her all the time in her early years. I am loving being on maternity leave and as I haven't spent more than a couple of hours at a time away from her since her birth, I can't currently contemplate what it's going to be like to leave her ALL DAY (gasp) with someone else.

But on the flip side, I do want her to mix as much as possible with other kids as she gets older, as well as get used to being a bit more independent from me. I also think that by the time it gets to January I will be more than ready to get back into the swing of things work-wise, have discussions with adults that don't revolve around baby stuff, and challenge my brain again (daily Sudoku is probably not enough...). Whether that means re-entering the world of digital marketing I don't yet know for sure, though I strongly expect it will. However, I do know that my perspective on work and life has gone through a significant shift since becoming a mother. Part of me is glad I have built a good career and wants to maximise the opportunities that's given me, and continue to build on it for my own personal development. And another, very large part of me, is convinced that having a child is the greatest personal achievement I have ever made, and am ever likely to; and therefore 'career' belongs to my life BG (Before Gemma, obviously).

I'm sure my thoughts on this will shift as the year progresses. In the meantime, I'm just massively thankful that we're able to afford for me to take 12 months out to look after our baby girl, and that I work for a company that makes this possible. I'm also pretty chuffed that I managed to sneak in this post before the end of the month and get at least one done in April...

Is this really me?

2009-03-23T11:19:00.003Z

Just read a couple of blog posts from mums relating to Mother's Day and how odd it feels to describe themselves as mothers, especially if they are experiencing the day with this status for the first time. I have to say I totally agree. Sometimes it seems as if Gemma is too beautiful and amazing to have been produced by such juveniles as Ali and myself - and yes though I am (hem) 35 I do still feel like a child sometimes. I certainly don't feel a huge amount older than I did at, say, 20, just with more experiences under my belt and a few lines round the eyes (but not a single grey hair yet, astoundingly enough).

It feels like we're settling into some sort of a routine at least, even though I still wake up most days with a mild tinge of panic around me of the 'what are we going to do today' variety. As someone who previously lived her life in a very orderly, structured way, even in so far as getting on the same train seat every day, it is often a very weird feeling to have nothing really planned. And so those lunches with friends, even if invariably eaten cold and one-handed; or the spontaneous walk by the river; or even the postnatal fitness class we're going to today, are all welcome distractions from the slightly fraudulent thoughts running through my head on a daily basis.

Mother's Day was quite nice though. A stunning bouquet of flowers and a very sweet card from Gemma (with a little help from Daddy, though charmingly with the threat of taking the money from her child trust fund account to pay for them. I assume this was a joke) and a day to potter in the garden and sort out all Gemma's clothes, while Ali babysat in between feeds. Not the most self-indulgent or pampering day perhaps, but it'll certainly do for now.

Progress

2009-03-09T13:56:00.004Z

Of sorts, anyway. It looks like I did no posts at all in February - first time ever I've skipped a month. However in my defence I have been posting here on a reasonably regular basis, and as my life is pretty much all about Gemma at the moment I didn't want to duplicate on this blog as well.

Today I managed to clean the living room though, without even having to stop once and rock, sway, feed, change, or otherwise entertain my daughter. I took her out in the Baby Bjorn this morning and when we got home she was so spark out I used the opportunity to get some stuff done. Feeling slightly more on top of things now she is 10 weeks (today!).

The other things that have made me feel a little more back to 'normal' (whatever normal is now) are: joining Twitter, which may or may not be a ridiculous thing to attempt, but at least tweeting or twittering or whatever makes a change from a) posting long entries here and b) updating my Facebook status on a regular basis with wholly baby-related posts. I elected to follow Stephen Fry, Phil Jupitus and Chris Moyles, as the celebrity Twitterers who I know about, but drew the line at Phillip Schofield. How do these celebs have time to post so much? Stephen Fry especially, while I do revere him utterly, must be a smidge annoying to be around, given that he must be surgically attached to his iPhone to be tweeting so much.

Some other normal things - am getting back into bookgroup mode with two books on the go, though whether I will have time to read them is another matter. The Mother and Baby group is reading the Girl With The Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson, and the Wednesday evening group is on John Banville's The Untouchable. Neither of which I've started yet, ho hum. My knitting has picked up - am halfway through a little beanie hat for Gemma. And this week or next I want to get out and give the garden a good seeing to now that spring appears to have sprung in this part of the world.

Will try and post at least once a month from now on. In the meantime here's a gratuitous photo of our gorgeous and totally wonderful daughter living it up in the baby gym.

Not quite business as usual

2009-01-26T18:51:00.006Z

Gemma is 4 weeks old today and it's amazing to think that this time 4 weeks ago I was in the recovery room at the Spires, new babe in arms, gingerly resting on the bed and on the most wonderful, joyful high I've ever experienced. That high hasn't gone away though - it's been tempered somewhat by the broken sleep - and we can't believe she has been with us for a month already.

As promised in the previous post, she now has her own little website set up (all the household jobs Ali listed to be done with such diligence when he started his paternity leave are still uncrossed off, but personally I think chronicling Gemma's progress and creating a place for photos which our family and friends can access is much more important than a bit of painting and plastering) and I have managed a whole 2 posts already onto her blog (so more regular than I've been updating my own blog in the past...). It's linked to from lefthandedmonkey.com, a site which we've had for years but not done much with. It is also work in progress, as it's created on a Mac which is not my machine/software of choice (yes I know, this is heresy in some quarters) and I need to go on and fiddle with the font sizes etc, plus we need to sort out the uk2.net frame at the top (i.e. pay them loads of money every year to allow us to remove it).

I'll continue to blog her progress there, and am hoping to continue my own ramblings on here as well. Obviously there will be some baby topics cropping up here, given that I am on maternity leave until next year after all and thus there won't be a lot happening other than baby related stuff. And it goes without saying that my intentions for our daughter are nothing but good, in fact they are the best possible, so my blog name has never been more appropriate.

Gemma Irene Brown

2008-12-31T20:08:00.007Z

And so, at 38 weeks and 5 days, our beautiful daughter has made her arrival into the world.

Gemma was born at 16:08 on Monday 29th December (clever girl hanging in there til after Christmas!!) weighing 6lbs 8oz and absolutely perfect. We brought her home the same night and are a bit shell shocked but completely over the moon and so very, very happy.

There'll probably be a short blog hiatus while we are settling into life as a family of 3 but rest assured Gemma will get all the web space she deserves and more to accommodate the photos and updates we will put together. In the meantime here are some photos from her first few days in the world. She is just so wonderful and special.

38 weeks

2008-12-24T11:12:00.003Z

It feels quite odd to think that it's Christmas tomorrow. We are spending the day on our own, our last Christmas spent in that way for years and years (pending any baby action of course, more of which shortly) and have got some nice rolled sirloin in, a ham is cooking away on the stove top, there are nibbles and chocs galore about the house, and we'll be hunkering down to watch some Christmas telly later.

But I just had my routine 38 week appointment with the doctor, and he reckoned that I would be appearing in the local paper for having a Christmas Day baby, as Chewie's head is so far engaged now - he could barely feel it in fact, and could only really make out the shoulders. I don't feel in any way about to start my labour, it has to be said, other than I am feeling increasingly heavy at the bottom of the bump, and Chewie has, in the course of moving further down, given me a few breathtaking moments of pain as he or she rams into my cervix. So who knows. I could be posting a baby photo up in 2 days time, or still be hanging around in 4 weeks. Needless to say it's put the fear of god into Ali, heh heh. Lots of jokes about the Second Coming are flying around on SMS as well. Hmmm..

Anyway, in the absence of a baby photo here's one wall of our nursery, complete with monkey stickers. We have giraffes as well, on the wall behind the cot, but that's full of towels and sheets pending removal to our new blanket chest from Lombok WHEN they get round to delivering it; so once it looks a bit more normal I'll post a giraffe pic too.