A guest post by Bobbi Emel of The Bounce Blog

Model your life on the spiral, not the stick. – Carol Orsborn

I love this little instruction. Orsborn says that in our society, we are encouraged – pressured, perhaps – to achieve success and to achieve it in a straight line of ascent – a stick. We’re not supposed to let anything get in our way; we just need to keep after it, keep moving, keep fighting . . .

The problem with this kind of approach is that we then have no flexibility and our vision becomes too narrowly focused. When the strong winds of life come along, then, we have no ability to bend with them and, because our sight is so limited, we can’t see our way to shelter.

Orsborn suggests that, instead of striving to be a stick, perhaps we should aspire to the spiral. Life is constant change and the spiral teaches us that, even as things change, they come back around again. Not in an endless circle, but in a gentle upward growth.

Being fully alive

In nature, destruction often is the requisite state that precedes new growth, like the bursting open of a pinecone in the heat of a forest fire, releasing its seeds to the soil. When you are fully alive, you are continually asked to let go of what you have in order to make space for new possibilities to come to you. – Carol Osborne

And sometimes that letting go can feel like you are moving down the spiral for a while. Because we are conditioned to believe that up is the best and only way to go, we often resist these downward slopes, holding judgment that they are “bad” or, at the very least, not what we should be doing.

But wait. Remember that to live a resilient and whole-hearted life, you must have room in your heart to allow for the downward movement along with the upward.

And sometimes you need these very lulls in your journey in order to access new growth. These are often the times when you are cocooning and allowing the old you to slough away while the new you is growing, soon to spread your wings.

Being open to new growth will soon have you moving upward on the spiral again.

How to master the art of resilience

Try these ideas:

1. Assess whether you are modeling your life after a spiral or a stick.

Do you have that feeling of being in a rat race? Do you feel pressured by yourself and others to constantly move upward? Have you treated yourself harshly in the past when a lull or downward movement happens in your life?

If your answers to these questions are “yes”, then you are using the stick model.

2. Let go in order to open yourself to new possibilities.

Perhaps you are hanging onto something so tightly that all of your energy is going toward resistance rather than growth. A job, a relationship, a belief about yourself . . . Find the area in your life that feels the tightest, the most stuck, and just let it go.

3. Allow yourself to cocoon when needed.

The act of letting go contains loss within it. And this can create the downward movement on the spiral that is so uncomfortable. Allow yourself to cocoon and heal during this time. Remember that the caterpillar creates its own cocoon and actually disappears, only to reappear after a time as a beautiful butterfly. Have the faith of the caterpillar.

4. Honor the spiral.

Enjoy the gentle upward lift of the spiral and notice that, when things come back around for you, it doesn’t mean you’re stuck. It just means you are revisiting that place, but from slightly higher ground.

5. Remember these words from Carol Orsborn.

Rather than saying that you will succeed, allowing nothing to get in your way, mastering the art of resilience requires you to do whatever it takes, understanding that many things are going to get in your way. - Carol Orsborne

Carol Osborne: The Art of Resilience: One Hundred Paths to Wisdom and Strength in an Uncertain World

Psychotherapist Bobbi Emel specializes in helping people face life’s significant challenges and regain their resiliency. In addition to seeing clients in her private practice, Bobbi is a well-regarded speaker and writer. You can find more of her writing at The Bounce Blog
Image: John Watson

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By Mary Jaksch

How many decisions do you make a day?
I’m sure it’s more than you find comfortable. In fact, too much choice can lead to paralysis.
Watch the video below to find out how to make choice easy:

What’s your take on this video? Please share in the comments below.

Click here to Download the FREE first chapter of Start Over: Create the Life YOU Want

A guest post by Shilpan of Street Smart Finance

Have you had sleepless nights over mounting credit card debt? If so — you are not alone. You can do it!

Here’s the scoop — you can become debt free simply by changing your habits to lift you out of your financial hole.

Why is that  simple money lessons are hard to adopt for millions of people? After all, our world of Web is full of blogs teaching how to — live within your means, budget and save more.

The secret lies in the  fact that you have to become a better person first — one who understands that happiness comes from within — one who understands that by changing thoughts and habits, anything is possible including overcoming the worst of the financial difficulties. It’s that simple.

The first step towards achieving financial peace is to take personal responsibility for your actions by developing habits for healthy personal finances. What if you are in $50,000 credit card debt today? You can hardly pay your bills, and your life is going downhill. You can pull yourself out of debt simply with these four simple steps. It all starts with changing your thoughts. And your thoughts will change your attitude towards money.

1. Visualize & feel who you want to become

The very first step is to visualize vividly who you want to become financially. Visualization is to your subconscious mind what nutrition is to your body. Okay, so your goal is to pay off $50,000 in credit card debt. Imagine how happy you will be when you can scream in Dave Ramsey’s style, “I am debt free.”  Imagine how happy you will be when you can do those things that you love to do but fear because spending more will lead you towards financial ruin. Imagine how great you’ll feel when that credit card bill arrives without any outstanding amount.

Write these three or four most exciting feelings on a paper that you can read in the morning, at a lunch break and before going to bed.

2. Have a written plan

You have conditioned your subconscious with action propelling statements; now, it’s time to take action. But, you are not ready yet. It’s time to write down how you will pay off $50,000 in credit card bills. The trick is to visualize a problem in smaller scale. You don’t get intimidated by a foot of snow in your front yard as you know that you can remove that a square foot a time; so  is your task of paying off $50,000 in credit card debt.

• Target smaller, achievable goals

You have to set smaller, achievable goals that you are confident about. Without goals, you are living re-actively, letting your worries push you around. Set a goal to pay credit card with the smallest outstanding balance of $3,000 first. Now, you have written down your goal to pay off credit card with smallest balance first while you keep paying minimum for the rest of the cards. You are one step closer to having a plan that your subconscious can affirm and act upon.

• Set up a budget

A simple budget is a blue print for your home of financial peace. You have already committed to paying off $3,000 in six months. So, you need additional $500 monthly to achieve this goal. If you can’t earn more, look at your monthly recurring bills — your cable bill, your club dues. You’ll find money to cut your expenses by $500. If not, you will look for additional sources of income.

3. What will you sacrifice?

You have to sacrifice to move forward. This is true not only for your personal finances, but also for any facet of your life. By making conscious choices you are developing habits that are conducive to your financial success; and avoiding those that are against your goal to pay off $50,000 in credit card debt.  It’s time for you to first track your expenses and choose to bury any non-essential expenses forever. You can track your expenses with simple tools like Mint or develop your own simple plan to track your expenses. Once you start tracking your expenses —it will become easier for you to cut down on unnecessary expenses to save money. Or you may find that your passion to teach Math can bring money to pay towards your debt.

4. Commit

Commit yourself: set smaller, achievable short-term goals; have an action plan and, finally, take action. You’ve done an incredible job of training your subconscious mind. It’s time to make your subconscious mind work. And work really hard.

• Start a blog

Some of the most successful bloggers launched their blogs when their financial journey was anything but perfect — Zenhabits, GetRichSlowly and TheSimpleDollar to name a few. They have not only achieved financial freedom by sharing their own story, but also mastered the art of personal finance by committing to learn and to share their ideas with countless others on the Web. It’s your turn now.

• Tell your friends and family members

If you don’t have desire to start a blog, start sharing your financial goals with your friends and family members. They will help you stay the course until you pay off your debt.

Do you realize that, all along, you have become a better person by developing habits that are needed for healthy personal finance? You will be amazed how your financial picture will change by following these four simple steps.

Shilpan is an entrepreneur, business owner and blogger. He is passionate about personal development and common sense personal finance. He shares his ideas on Street Smart Finance. You can follow Shilpan on Twitter at @shilpan

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Are you compassionate?

A guest post by Annika Martins of The Catalyst Sessions

Think of the last time you encountered someone who was suffering.

Maybe they were coping with physical pain, financial struggles or the emotional weight of a divorce or the death of a loved one.

Would you define your response to them as compassionate?

Now think of the last time someone inconvenienced you.

Maybe an aggressive driver forced you to swerve off the road during rush hour or one of your children accidentally broke an expensive lamp. Maybe it was as simple as the pizza delivery guy being an hour late.

How did you respond?

Compassion-blindness

Most of us live with mental blinders that prevent us from seeing the many opportunities for kindness we encounter every day. We respond to life’s challenges from a position of irritation and defensiveness instead of realizing that every moment offers us a chance to be gentle instead of sharp, thoughtful instead of insensitive.

The best way to remove these defensive blinders and make compassion an automatic response in every situation is to consciously practice incorporating it into our everyday lives.

Compassion becomes active when it is worked like a muscle. It is something we must practice, just like daily meditation, yoga or playing the piano.

By directing consistent attention and effort at it, we will naturally sink into a rhythm of words and behaviors that reflect this loving kindness in everything we do.

Daily acts of compassion

There are many activities we can engage in to proactively cultivate compassion in our daily lives. Here are 10 ideas you can try out for yourself:

tip #1: teach

You have a set of unique talents, skills and access to a wide range of resources. Who can you share your talents/resources with today? Where might you find a person who would benefit from what you have to give? Compassion does not hoard what it has but gives generously.

tip #2: be taught

There are talents/skills that don’t come to you naturally, but flow easily for others. Ask for their guidance and support. People feel empowered when we honour their abilities by asking for their contribution.

tip #3: offer sincere praise

Forced compliments and fake smiles are not easily disguised, so don’t bother trying. Instead, look for opportunities to genuinely applaud someone’s talents (tip #2 should make this fairly easy). Compassion does not claim the spotlight for itself, but rather shines it on others.

tip #4: be curious

Create opportunities to objectively explore the things and people you are judgemental of. Read a novel written by an author from a culture you have a low opinion of. Start a casual conversation with the colleague who follows a different religious/spiritual tradition. Allow yourself to recognize common values instead of relying on old stereotypes.

tip #5: switch shoes

Inhabiting someone else’s experience is one of the best ways to cultivate compassion. Offer to cover the responsibilities of a co-worker who is out sick/on vacation. Walk or take public transportation to work instead of driving. Changing our usual routine is an excellent way to shift our perspective and see others from a new vantage point.

tip #6: be a silent witness

Watch a parent walking hand in hand with their child. Let a dog lick your hand. Close your eyes and feel the wind/rain/snow on your face. Silently witness the many expressions of love happening all around you. Compassion and love are one in the same.

tip #7: create stillness

Meditation quiets the stream of mental chatter (which often includes a fair bit of judgement of ourselves and others) that diminishes our ability to fully connect with the present moment. True presence allows us to see beyond external layers of difference and identify the core oneness we share with everyone else on this planet. When you recognize the interconnectedness of everything, compassion flows naturally.

tip #8: turn it inward

Although extending compassion to others should be a daily practice, showing that same kindness to ourselves is also vital. Are you holding onto past regrets? Have you ever done/said something that you are deeply ashamed of? Ask yourself, “Who would I be without this regret/shame?” Each day, practice forgiving yourself. Whether silently, out loud or maybe in front of a mirror, cultivate a space of calm acceptance of all things.

tip #9: seek out those in need

One of the quickest ways to cultivate a sense of loving kindness is to seek out opportunities to interact with those in need. Volunteer at an animal shelter. Spend time visiting patients in a hospital (many hospitals have programs that facilitate this). Work in a soup kitchen for an afternoon. Compassion reponds to suffering with gentleness, giving its time and energy generously.

tip #10: pause

They say hindsight is 20/20. It is often easy for us to admit that we used unkind words or behaved aggressively after we’ve reflected on our actions. Don’t wait until afterwards to pause and reflect. When you have to write a difficult email, challenge a colleague or complain to the restaurant manager about poor service, pause and consider the other person’s position. Could they just be having a really rough day? Is it possible for you to communicate your concerns with kindness instead of aggressiveness? Pause and let the compassionate answer come through.

A note on Pity vs Compassion

Some might say that regularly engaging with those who are suffering (as suggested in #9) will become an enormous emotional drain.

Yes, if your interactions arise from a feeling of pity for others, you may very likely feel pained by these encounters. In fact, all of these tips could have a negative impact on both you and the recipient if the primary driver of your behavior is a feeling of pity.

Pity creates distance. It positions one person as superior, as far above the other. Compassion recognizes the sameness between all people, animals and the Earth. Compassion connects whereas pity separates.

Cultivating compassion for yourself and everything you encounter will create a life of ease and harmony.

Sounds like a good life to me.

What is your experience of offering or receiving compassion? Please share in the comments.

Annika Martins is the creator of The Catalyst Sessions, a jumpstart series designed to boost women entrepreneurs from mediocre to magnificent.  You can also find Annika on Twitter at @annikamartins.

Click here to Download the FREE first chapter of Start Over: Create the Life YOU Want

Find your courage

A guest post by Tess Marshall of The Bold Life

I’ll bet you’ve already promised yourself that this year will be different. This time you will reach your goal, skydive, learn Mandarin Chinese, find the love of your life, lose the weight or become self-employed.

If you have that’s fantastic! Who doesn’t want to change, to grow, and to live life their way?

There is only one thing that is standing between you and the promise you’ve made.

Fear.

Fear can be a trap, a prison, a story, or an illusion that torments and paralyzes you. It keeps you awake at night, and your happiness and dreams completely out of reach.

One of the worst things we can do is dare to dream big and then hold ourselves hostage by clinging to our same old routine doubts, anxieties, and fears.

It’s a wicked cycle that will keep you crazy-dizzy and spinning out of control like a rickety old Tilt-a-Whirl at the State Fair.

What’s real about fear?

The only real aspects of fear are your annoying and uneasy feelings that escort your terror – the worry, anxiety, and irrational thinking.

The unpleasant physical symptoms of fear drain your energy – a sudden grab, a racing heart, your sweaty palms, shortness of breath and sleepless nights.

These feelings and symptoms are unbearable yet until the pain of staying stuck is greater than the pain it takes to grow forward, we suffer.

Our subconscious beliefs, our addiction to safety, and our past experience prevents up from taking the action needed to move out of our fear and into our greatness.

Read on for 10 tips for a bold and fearless life.

Tip #1: Don’t believe your thoughts

Drop your negative thinking and lack of faith in yourself or it will continue to snowball. Train your mind to create positive expectations. Learn to expect the best.

Tip #2: View life as a creative and wild adventure

Life can be brimming with easy times of beauty and light or overflowing with hard times of dark and difficulty. Choose to stay present through it all. Appreciate the varied landscape and enjoy the ride.

Tip #3: Consider the love of others

Who else in your life is missing out because of your fear of moving forward? Make a list of the people who will benefit from your success. Stay strong for them. Imagine telling them the “good news” in advance – I got the job, I made a difference, I wrote my book, we’re going on vacation!

Tip #4: Let go of the outcome

We often think we know what is best for us. We forget we can’t see the whole picture. Do what is yours to do and do it well. Like blowing a dandelion in the wind, let the rest go and remain open to infinite possibilities.

Tip #5: Be authentic.

In a world where everyone is trying to be someone else, be brave enough to be you. Nobody else has your thumb print, heart print, or soul print. Nobody else can do your part. Revel in your uniqueness. Transparency is magnetic.

Tip #6: Create space for gratitude

Begin your day by filling your mind with appreciation. Focus on the love you have to give and the love you can receive. Become aware of open hearts, open minds, and an unlimited life. This is energy well spent.

Tip #7: Build positive images

Increase your faith and courage by remembering all of your past successes. Take note of your strengths and determination. Apply the same traits to your present dream. Build positive pictures of future success in your mind.

Tip #8: Argue for a positive outcome

Make a list of your fears. Next, prove each fear wrong. If you think you can’t, write down all of the reasons why you actually can. Remind yourself of your written proof when you’re heart is pounding and your palms are sweating.

Tip #9: Be comfortable with the uncomfortable

I don’t know anyone who enjoys being afraid. We want to deny it, run from it, and ignore it. As a professional speaker, I’m nervous for the first several minutes. To get through it, I memorize the first ten minutes of the speech. Learn to get through the things you fear.

Tip #10: Don’t take it personally

What someone else does is about them. How you react is about you. This is perhaps the most difficult step to learn. When your request is ignored or turned down, move on. Rejection isn’t an excuse for failure.

As you face your fears and increase your freedom and happiness by allowing your dreams to become a reality, the good life is inevitable.

Tess Marshall is the founder of The Bold Life, where she inspires people to live a fearless life. If you are tired of being stuck in fear and want to step into your greatness, click here to learn more about her course, Take Your Fear and Shove It [affiliate link].

Click here to Download the FREE first chapter of Start Over: Create the Life YOU Want

By Mary Jaksch

Are you about to set some heavy goals? Maybe you want to be more successful, lose weight, find the right partner, do more exercise …
I can see you cringing at the list. How about a very simple goal (if you can call it that) for your life…

Have more fun
If you’re considering how to change your life, having fun is an essential ingredient. Remember that ‘fun’ is not a static state of being. To have fun, we need to move, be creative, and enjoy the company of others. We need to sing, dance, run, play – or whatever else tickles our fancy.

Watch this joyful video below, Hoy Bailaré (Today I’m going to dance) by Argentine musician Leon Gieco. The video is all about how to have fun – whatever your circumstance.

(email readers, click here to watch it)

What are ways you would like to have more fun? Please share in the comments

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By Mary Jaksch

When you woke up this morning, your consciousness returned. You woke up with a sense of who you are and what the world is like. Without consciousness, we would have no access to knowledge or our humanity, and we would have no knowledge about the world. We would have no sense of joy or pain. We would have no ability to love, or to create.

In the video below, Neuroscientist Antonio Damasio gives us a glimpse into how our brains create our sense of self:

(If you’re reading this by email, click here to watch)

What’s are your thoughts on this? Please share in the comments.

Click here to Download the FREE first chapter of Start Over: Create the Life YOU Want

By Mary Jaksch

Flower meditation

When we see a wilting plant, we know what to do. We water it.

But when we are exhausted and stressed, it’s often difficult to know how to recover.

The problem is that the exhaustion many of us suffer from can’t be fixed by a holiday at the beach, or a visit to a day-spa. Because it’s not just our body that’s exhausted, it’s our soul.

When the soul is exhausted, we suffer from loss of joy and hope

Life then seems increasingly difficult, and sometimes even meaningless. In those times we’re estranged from a dimension of being human that adds ease and joy to life.

We’re estranged from our natural spirituality. By natural spirituality I mean the insight and wisdom that comes from a deeper recognition of who we are, and of how our life is interwoven with all other beings.

I came to spirituality the hard way. Twenty-five years ago my life was in tatters: my marriage was disintegrating, I was homesick, having just emigrated to New Zealand, and work was a nightmare. That’s when I started Zen meditation. It wasn’t a magic bullet, but I began to find islands of ease within the chaos of my life.

Maybe you too are suffering, especially in this dire economic climate? In my experience, even if we are powerless to change our circumstances, we can learn to find island of ease within our distress.

I use the word ease because it implies that our body is relaxed and that we are at peace with ourselves. It also means that we are in harmony with everything around us. When we are at ease, even difficult tasks begin to flow.

Here are five ways of finding islands of ease. These five ways will help you to feel more alive and peaceful, instead of preoccupied and stressed.

1. Silence

Silence can heal. But many of us are afraid of it because we think it might make us feel lonely. Or because it might force us to face ourselves.

There are two kinds of silence. There is outer silence which is absence of noise. And there is inner silence when our thoughts die down and our mind becomes quiet. If you are not used to silence, you might like to try this island of ease in small doses.

• Spend at least 5 minutes each day doing nothing.

Just notice sounds, sights, smells, and so on. Let go of planning thoughts or other distractions. This is a way to cultivate inner silence.

• Eliminate background music.

Only play music if you can listen to it with full attention. That might be difficult for you if you tend to exercise to music or listen to music in the car. Maybe you could just try silence for one day and see what it’s like.

• Turn the TV off if you are not watching it.

In many households the TV is blaring, even though nobody is watching it. Try turning it off as much as possible and see what happens.

2. Mindfulness

When our mind is neither in the past or the future and we are completely present, our experience changes in a significant way. Suddenly life seems more spacious, and more peaceful.

Mindfulness means being present with a clear mind, and an open heart.

When we are mindful, we are available for life, and aren’t trapped in our own little world. Whether it’s peacefulness, or anger, or boredom, or elation, or fear: mindfulness allows us to notice what we are experiencing right now.

Mindfulness means bringing full, soft attention to the task at hand.

All of us tend to let our mind drift when faced with a boring task. The good news is that if we pull ourselves back into the present moment, the task is transformed and boredom soon disappears. So, whether it’s washing the dishes, or cutting carrots, or driving in the rush hour – mindfulness can transform ‘lost’ time into islands of ease.

3. Walking

If we’re able-bodied, we do a fair amount of walking, wherever we live. In an urban area, most of our walking might be to get to work, or to the bus, car, or subway, or to the corner shop. And maybe we sometimes go for a walk in a park. If we live in the countryside, we may be used to long walks in nature.

What happens in our mind as we walk?

Often the mind churns away: it worries, plans, re-lives old hurts, or dreams of the future.

In order to turn walking into an island of ease, all you needs is a simple change: you need to focus on the experience of walking and let go of your busy thoughts. The following tip will assist you:

As you walk, touch forefinger and thumb together to remind you of the present moment.

Focus the feeling of your feet on the ground, on sounds, and on your breath flowing in and out as you walk along. Each time you find that your churning mind has taken you away from experience of ‘now’,gently refocus on the present moment.

4. Meditation

As I said before, I’ve been practicing daily Zen meditation for twenty-five years now. I do it because it makes me feel vividly alive. It gives me a sense of ease and peacefulness that is not dependant on my circumstances.

Science has put meditation under the microscope and has found amazing psychological and physiological benefits:

Psychological Benefits

• Increased feelings of vitality and rejuvenation;
• Increased happiness;
• Increased emotional stability;
• Decreased anxiety;
• Decreased depression;
• Greater creativity;
• Decreased irritability and moodiness;
• Improved learning ability and memory;
• Increased insight and wisdom.

Physiological benefits

• Deep rest (as measured by decreased metabolic rate, and lower heart rate);
• Lowered levels of cortisol and lactate (two chemicals associated with stress);
• Improved blood pressure;
• Drop in cholesterol levels;
• Improved flow of air to the lungs;
• Significant slowing of the slowing of the aging process.

The simplest and most natural meditation is a way that Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh teaches: on your in-breath, silently say in, and on your out-breath, silently say out. If you do this even for just five minutes, you will notice that soul and body start to relax and find ease.

What’s really important is that YOU find ease.

I hope that the ways I have outlined above are helpful to you. I’d be interested to read what you think in the comments. Maybe you have found other islands of ease that work for you? Please share them – we can all learn from each other.

There is a lot more to meditation but it’s good to start simple. If you want to learn more, you can find ten important tips on  how to meditate..

This post was first published in Zen Habits.

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By Mary Jaksch

Beauty inspires gratitude. But only when we become aware of beauty.
Live rushes on and it’s easy to get immersed in the mind tape that takes about ‘me’, ‘mine’, ‘myself’ – instead of taking a moment to appreciate the beauty that is all around us.

Stop for a moment and appreciate whatever you see, hear, or feel right now. If you have a few minutes, watch the inspiring video below. Nature’s beauty can be easily missed – but not through Louie Schwartzberg’s lens. His stunning time-lapse photography, accompanied by powerful words from Benedictine monk David Steindl-Rast, serves as a gratitude meditation.

Watch the video below, or click here to watch it.

What did you think about the video?

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Discover your superpower

A guest post by Anastasiya Goers of Balance In Me

Imagine … that you can have any superpower in the world, which one would you choose that will make you the happiest?

I am not talking about regular things like flying, being super strong, becoming invisible, reading people’s minds – they are all cool, for sure, but they won’t get you any closer to happiness or perfect ZEN. Let’s dig a little deeper, beyond the obvious answers.

I would love to have the super power of everyday life balance. With that power I could perfectly organize my schedule to fit my most important activities and life priorities into everyday day. I would be able to miraculously smooth out any conflicts that may arise during the day and keep my calm no matter what. I would be able to effortlessly juggle my career goals, my family and a perfectly healthy lifestyle. And, yes, if any “unexpected surprises” pop up during the day (the car battery dies when I am trying to get to work, my child swallows a coin, I get stuck in a traffic jam when I am late for the most important meeting of the year) I would be able to just snap my fingers and everything will get back to normal.

Aaah, the perfect life…

What about you, would you like to have this super power?

Yes, super powers are not real, but it doesn’t mean that you (and I) can’t make all our days balanced and happy. For the past 4 years I’ve been researching, learning, testing and experimenting with every possible way to live a balanced life (it’s my passion if you haven’t noticed it yet.)

I want to share with you 5 steps that will help you reclaim your everyday balance. They won’t make you a superhuman but will definitely give you an amazing super power.

Step 1. Simplify

It’s obvious that the less clutter (material or mental) you have in your life, the easier it is to keep your life in balance. However, simplicity doesn’t come easy these days. On the surface everything seems, well, simple – throw away clutter from your house, say “no” to projects that you are not interested in and stop worrying about things that happened 10 years ago. However, when you take this advice personally you come face to face with a humongous roadblock.

• Are you sure that you can throw away the vase that you bought during your honeymoon? (Even if it doesn’t match your interior at all and stands on the shelf with 10 more souvenirs that you are emotionally attached to.)
• It’s not that easy to say “no” to your colleagues because they depend on you so much. You will do it one last time, it won’t hurt, right? (Except that it is your hundredth time saying no to saying ” no” – no pun intended.)
• And some things are not that easy to forget. They are your past and you can’t simply erase your brain and forget about everything.

In simplifying life it’s best to start on the inside. You need to find your motivation to eliminate things from your life and feel good about it. It might take you a month, it might take you a year but ever a little step that you make takes you a little bit closer to happy living.

Reinforce your super power: Start a journal where you write down things in your life that you want to simplify. Every day right down 1 thing that you are ready to let go of (whether it’s that vase or your bad habit), the reason why you decided to do that and how it made you feel immediately and several days after. At first start with simple things that are the easiest to eliminate from your life and then move on to emotional baggage, schedule and finally lifestyle.

Step 2. Prioritize

If you had a nickel for every time that you heard about prioritization you would probably be a rich person, wouldn’t you? You also wouldn’t be feeling out of balance if you actually followed up on that advice.

Surprisingly, a lot of us don’t even know what their true priorities are. The most common mistake is confusing life priorities with life necessities. A lot of people today put work as one of their top priorities, but is it the right thing to do? Of course, we need to work to pay our bills (unless your parents are still providing for you, you already earned your retirement or your wealthy unknown uncle just died and left you all of his possessions.) But, jokes aside, work is just a necessity for most of us.

Life balance depends on your ability to balance your true life priorities with your life necessities. Too often we talk about the importance of priorities in our life (the most common ones being family and health) but do nothing to follow up on our words.

Reinforce your super power: For a perfectly balanced life you need to find time every day to satisfy your life priorities (no matter how much you work on satisfying the necessities.) By clearing clutter from your lifestyle (watching too much TV, spending too much time online) you can finally find time to spend with your loved ones, work out and fix a healthy dinner instead of ordering takeout.

Step 3. Become a positive realist

Everybody knows that negativity is not the best companion of happiness. But too much positivity can keep you from joyous living too.

If you have a dream or a goal that you want to reach in life then just thinking about it is not enough. Picturing how great your future will be without ever considering the steps that it takes to get there or possible hurdles that can get in your way (and ways to work around them of course) is just an exercise for your imagination. Actually this type of visualization can keep you from ever reaching your goal as your brain treats those mental images as the real thing making you feel good without the necessity to act on them.

Reinforce your super power: Instead write down your dream/goal, the steps that you need to make and all of the possible obstacles. For each obstacle come up with several scenarios of how you can get around them and start acting.

With your everyday events try not to label them as positive or negative right away. Just let them be part of your life instead of spending all your mental energy on finding “positive” reasons why you are stuck in a traffic jam.

There is a reason for every little thing that happens in your life but often we can’t see that reason right away. This is the magic of Zen and ultimate life balance – over time you learn to accept things for what they are and be okay with it.

Step 4. Be flexible

I wish I could tell you how to avoid any unexpected surprises that happens during the day. Unfortunately I can’t, but I can tell you how to get around them without ruining your plans and your mood.

Napoleon had a brilliant idea of strategic military planning which he summarized as “You engage, and then you wait and see.” By making contact with the enemy and then improvising, he triumphed and made his armies the envy or Europe.

Reinforce your super power: In real life the ability to improvise is a crucial component of balance. Instead of making daily to-do lists try to create a list of goals for a week or a month. This flexibility will let you have time for the unexpected surprises and ways to deal with them. And instead of always sticking to rigid plans and goals let yourself go with the flow sometimes.

Step 5. Brush up on your routines

Routines might seem boring and completely opposing to creativity and fun living. However, if used right, they will be your dear companions. Routines can help you develop your creativity, strengthen your willpower, develop healthy lifestyle habits and keep your schedule under control.

A lot of famous writers (including Steven King and Anthony Trollope) used routines to fuel their creativity. A certain order of everyday tasks (get up at the same time, have a cup of tea or coffee, sit down and write until a certain time) helped them get in the “zone” and create their masterpieces without ever feeling writer’s block or being behind deadlines.

According to recent studies shared by Baumeister and Tierney in their new book Willpower your self control can be strengthened over time if you work on creating and maintaining daily routines. The same self control can be later used to develop healthy habits, take control of your finances and time as well as work on any other areas that require willpower to transform.

Reinforce your super power: In order to create your perfectly balanced day start by creating balanced routines and simplifying/eliminating the ones that are keeping you from living your best life.

These steps will help you transform each day into a truly balanced one. Our life is ever changing so don’t expect to go through these steps once and fix your lifestyle forever. Apply them as needed and go back to them when you feel that the feeling of balance is leaving you. After all this is your super power, so use it and share it with the ones around you.

Anastasiya is the founder of Balance In Me – the Life Balance Portal where she helps people find their personal life balance with practical tips, genuine support and every day inspiration. Click here to read Top 100 Ways to Make your Life More Balanced and make your life more balanced.

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