I’m thankful:

…for protection during my solo trip to Paris and London.

…that my sister is adjusting well to life in Nigeria. She’s adjusted to the intermittent electricity and the occasional cockroach in a way that I doubt I could. Speaking of cockroaches, it annoys me so much that even a clean home can’t prevent those critters from finding their way in (or can it?). I hate bugs…I miss my sister because she used to kill bugs for me. :)

…for the milestone that my youngest brother, Babatunde celebrated: on May 25 he turned 25. When your age and your day of the month you were born on are the same, they call that your champagne birthday here. It’s pretty incredible to think my parents’ youngest child is 25, that we’ve been a family of six for twenty five years–that is a long time! I pray that we’ll be blessed with health and closeness forever and ever (Amen).

…for the body’s healing process. I developed an allergic reaction to a face lotion I hadn’t used before (I think) and the result has been dry, burning, and itchy skin for weeks. Now everything I use, even creams and cleansers I’ve used for years, cause my face to burn. I went to a doctor and she prescribed a hydrocortisone cream, and I’m using water and nothing else to clean my face. My face still feels dry and a bit scaly but so much better than two weeks ago. I’m hoping and praying that the skin of my face will renew itself soon.

…for my generous cousin, Ruthie, who hooked me up with some good stuff (haha, it sounds like I’m talking about drugs but I promise I’m not!). She’s too good to me.

…for my loving mother. She’s too much most of the time (they say you can’t spell “smother” without “mother” after all!) but her heart is always in the right place. Her devotion to her family is unbelievable–I plan to keep my future husband away from her so he doesn’t develop unrealistic expectations of me from seeing how she is!

…for my job. I had my performance evaluation this month and it looks like they’re still happy with my performance. Phew! ;)

…for my sight. I have a really strong eyeglass prescription (seriously I’d bet it’s stronger than that of anyone you’ve ever met) but I can see. I don’t joke with regular eye appointments because I cherish the gift of being able to experience the world around me through the sense of sight, and I’ll never take for granted the things I can do because I have can see, things such as drive myself around and of course, blog!

What are YOU thankful for?

The post Thankful: May 2013 appeared first on Good Naija Girl.

We were staying in Akure and the wedding was in Ondo, so the original plan was to stay in a hotel in Ondo for a few days. But then family friends connected us with their relative who had a home in Ondo that she wasn’t using so we ended up renting that place instead. We arrived on a Thursday, the day before the engagement, and I think we spent the first hour of our stay running around and exclaiming over how lovely everything was. The house (or shall we say villa?) had an enormous generator that powered the many (too many?) air conditioners—we were in heaven!

While we were busy chilling (literally and figuratively) in the villa, our parents were with other family members at the food preparation site. They were planning to stay there all night, to supervise the caterer and his crew I think. I don’t know if most people do this but I remember we did the same thing before my cousin’s wedding in 2008 (where by “we”, I mean my mom!). I guess it’s a time for the family to bond too. Our job was to get ready for the engagement the next day and take care of some last minute things (such as trying to remove the dirt stains the seamstress had left on the wedding gown while she was making some final adjustments—grr!). My sister hadn’t done her hair yet (she was putting in a weave) so this was a concern, since we couldn’t reach the person that was supposed to be doing her hair and neither of us know anything about putting in a weave. Thankfully my sister was wearing a gele (headtie) for the engagement so she could do the weave as late as the following day, which would give us time to find someone to do her hair.

Although the house we stayed in was lovely, the big disadvantage was its location – it was on the outskirts of town; taxis didn’t even go there. Also cell phone reception was not good there and most calls we made didn’t go through. And since the house wasn’t in use when we got there, there was no food around, which is dangerous since both my siblings get really cranky when they’re hungry (so does my mom!). Even though we had two phones between the three of us we had almost no credit left—we were used to being able to buy credit anywhere but not in this neighbourhood! We were disorganized. Thankfully our parents remembered that we had no food and they brought us dinner later on.

The wedding rehearsal was scheduled for Friday at 10:00am and the engagement was at 1:00pm. While my dad and sister were rehearsing at the church, my mom, brother, and I waited for them across the street at the hall where the engagement and wedding reception would be taking place. It was a long wait because the groom’s side was so late to the rehearsal. We amused ourselves a bit by watching the decorator and his crew set things up in the hall.

After the rehearsal we rushed home to get ready.

The engagement ceremony was a typical Yoruba one I think (based on the few I’ve witnessed). Each side had its MC: the alaga ijoko (for the bride’s side) and the alaga iduro for the groom’s side. The parents of the bride had to receive the engagement letter from the groom’s side, say some prayers, dance (of course!), and collect money from the attendees. The groom came in next, after he and his men had given the women at the door sufficient money to be allowed to enter. After dancing in they prostrated in front of both sets of parents before the groom was allowed to go to his seat of honour. Last but not least, my sister came in and went through a similar series of things before joining her fiancé. She knelt in front of him and he sprayed her with money, then she put his hat on for him. My cousin read the engagement letter and then the engagement bounty from the groom’s side was brought in. After that the almost-engaged couple went to look at the bounty and my sister had to pick one thing from the pile—the all-important choice. Our great uncle was so worried that my sister wouldn’t know she was supposed to pick the bible so he kept yelling “Pick the bible! Pick the bible! It’s the blue rectangle!” It was funny how concerned he was. Then my sister got her ring, the newly-engaged couple kissed, they cut the cake, did some dancing, then snapped pictures with family and other guests. The end!

Although I’m a sucker for the part of the engagement where the groom and his men dobale (prostrate) in front of the parents, the highlight of my sister’s engagement was my dad’s bata dance. Imagine my father, whose only dance step is to shuffle back and forth on the dance floor while my mom dances circles around him (literally and figuratively!), moving his arms and legs energetically to the beat of the drums, and spinning around in his agbada. It was awesome! I was shocked, so shocked that I didn’t even capture it on camera which is too bad–I’ll be ready next time! He honestly caught everyone by surprise, including people who’ve known him since he was born. I told him I was going to write about his dancing and was asking him questions about the symbolism of the bata dance. He said it was the appropriate dance for the drumming. It was great. I also love the symbolism of the bride’s parents returning the dowry to the groom’s parents with the explanation that they aren’t selling their daughter but giving the groom’s family a wife.

Of course the alagas introduced as many opportunities to collect money as they could, and the drummers definitely knew how to get the attention of those doling out money.

My sister was a gorgeous bride-to-be! She just looked stunning and her solitary dimple adds to her beauty. The groom looked pretty good too and so happy (in my opinion most men look good in a suit but I think the same can be said of a man in an agbada–be still my heart! The groom’s mom picked the material for their outfits and she did a really good job.

I haven’t actually asked my sister or her husband for their permission to post these pictures I snapped so they may be removed after I tell her she’s on my blog. Enjoy!

My brother and I at the engagement.

The post My sister’s engagement ceremony appeared first on Good Naija Girl.

Some of you might remember the Love and Learn series that I launched last year. It was inspired by my failed relationship, one that really affected me because 1) it was my first serious relationship and 2) I was so sure it would lead to marriage (how naive I was!). I was so excited about things that I had started a brand new blog that I shared with just a few people, detailing the progression of the relationship. I was smitten! But it turned out that although I had learned those lessons several months back, I need a refresher: while I was in Nigeria I wanted to see my ex and have the opportunity to ask him some questions. Yes friends, I wanted closure.

The desire for closure is funny because intellectually I know there’s no answer that will actually give me closure. Let’s say in the best-case scenario, your ex says “I was a jerk, I shouldn’t have done what I did. I’m sorry. You are perfection while I’m trash” (hehe). How does that change what you already thought about the situation? You already knew all that! I’m not convinced that getting that admission actually gives the satisfaction we think it will, especially when deep emotions of hurt and rejection are involved.

Or, maybe your ex tells you that he (or she) decided you were too (insert adjective) for him (or her). For most people I bet that would lead to them asking follow-up questions and seeking examples to figure out why s/he thinks what s/he thinks. Or you might get angry if the adjective is insulting and just disagree with the observation. Once again, knowing this wouldn’t bring me the sweet relief I imagine comes with closure.

So if you’re in a similar situation, I urge you to give yourself closure. If that means (as suggested to me by one of my besties) writing a letter to your ex, saying everything that you wish you could say face-to-face and then sending, burning, or deleting it, or if it means praying that the lingering hurts be taken from you, or both, do it. When things ended last year, I told myself that I didn’t want someone who didn’t want me and I still feel this so strongly. However, the very real possibility that I might see him during this trip weakened my resolve a bit and in retrospect it was a good thing that we did not see.

Several friends were hopeful that I’d meet a new special someone in Nigeria, and even though I kept saying “Nope, this trip is about my sister’s wedding!”, I was hoping that one of my new brother-in-law’s friends would spot me in the crowd and be compelled to find out more about me. Fast forward to the wedding day when I was running around like a madwoman, looking frazzled no doubt! I didn’t have a chance to enchant any of my brother-in-law’s friends.

Even so, I remain hopeful and incredibly curious about how my next (and hopefully final!) love story will play out.

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1. I keep in touch more regularly with the family back home.
2. I listen constantly to the many cds that I bought.
3. I speak Yoruba whenever possible with my parents, family in Nigeria, and anyone who speaks Yoruba.
4. I regret not eating more boli (roasted plantain), epa (peanuts), and roasted corn.
5. I’m inspired to be more focused on money-making ideas so I can positively impact the lives of the people I met.
6. I miss the heat (Say what? The same heat I complained about on the regular?).
7. I consider moving to Europe to be halfway between Nigeria and Canada.
8. I wish I had access to the hair salons of Nigeria (at the same prices!).
9. I regret not buying another kan kan (I always buy at least one but I always wish I had bought more), a hairnet (I like the Nigerian ones!), and hair for weaves (aka “fixing”) and Ghana-weaving (even though I only Ghana-weave or “fix” my hair when I’m in Nigeria).
10. I smile remembering sweet moments (this time my cousin’s 1.5 year old son’s cuteness is dominating my memories).
11. I start calculating how soon I can return (based on my bank account and accrued vacation time)!

What do like to do when you come back to reality?

The post Post-trip practices appeared first on Good Naija Girl.

I’m back in Canada after six weeks away! It’s good to be back and I thank God that the four of us who returned to Canada arrived safely (my sister is in Lagos with her husband!). I also thank God that we were protected through all our comings and goings within our country of Nigeria. Security is increasingly a concern: kidnappings are more common than they used to be in the city we were staying and the neighbourhood was constantly on the lookout for robbers so things felt a bit scarier, in particular at night. I added a side trip to Paris to my itinerary on the way back and I couldn’t resist visiting Deola, Aloted, and No Limit in England while I was so close by!

I’d hoped to blog more than once as I hinted at in my last entry but good intentions apparently don’t write blog entries for you!

My sister’s wedding went well. I’m officially convinced that you could come to Nigeria three weeks before your wedding and plan the entire thing from scratch and have a lovely affair. And when I say from scratch I mean it: without a colour scheme or wedding planner or even a dress! Maybe even without a groom (but that could be risky; hehe!). Things just seem to happen really fast in Nigeria: to do the same here you’d either have to pay a lot more money or have a really casual wedding where you buy things off the rack, don’t customize anything, and you’d definitely need to keep the number of attendees to a minimum because most halls are booked months if not years in advance. Maybe it would be hard to plan a wedding from scratch in three weeks in Lagos or Abuja but in our corner of Ondo State three weeks is ample time to plan a nice event!

One thing that I must comment on is the ethics of some vendors who wanted to change the price they had quoted us after finding out we didn’t live in Nigeria. I understand that bargaining is an integral part of our culture but once both parties have agreed on a price, I thought it was rude to try and change it.

A trusted family member recommended a caterer to us and after meeting with the caterer and discussing our needs, my mom and the caterer agreed on a price for her services. The family member who had made the recommendation was present during the negotiations. Not one day later, or five days later, or a week later, but 10 days later the caterer came back to my mother and said “Owo yi o to o (This money is not enough)”! We then found out she had first met with our family member and had been advised to ask for more money if she was not satisfied. Well my mom wouldn’t have any of that: she promptly informed the caterer that her services would no longer be needed and found another caterer who she ended up paying a little more to, but it was a matter of principle at that point. Thankfully our last minute caterer did not disappoint (well, except in the expected way of stealing food…which we were told all caterers do).

This phenomenon of mysteriously shifting prices post-negotiation happened more than once: prices would double or triple when people found out we didn’t live in Nigeria. Another funny incident was related to the decorator for the wedding. Our cousin got married the weekend before my sister. As we arrived in the reception hall, a decorator was putting the finishing touches on the hall and I was really impressed with her work. We had not yet booked a decorator at that point because we were in the midst of negotiating with a decorator whose prices kept changing (yes, just one week before the wedding; my sister and I were certain we’d never find a decorator in time), so I approached the decorator to ask her about her rates. She coyly urged me to enjoy the wedding and that we could talk afterwards.

Decor in progress

When we spoke I told her that the hall of my sister’s wedding reception was about half the size of the hall we were currently in, and we wouldn’t need decorations as fancy as what she had done. She then looked at me and asked if 120,000 naira wouldn’t be too much. Now I know people who paid much more than this amount for their wedding hall decor but this is the part that got me: when I asked her how much she charged for the hall we were currently in, you know, the one that was twice the size of the one we’d be using for my sister’s wedding, she said she charged them 50,000 naira! I appreciated her honesty but I didn’t like that there was no justification given for the higher quote; I mean she could have even said it was due to the short notice! When things like that happen I feel like even if we bargain down to, say, half of the cost, there’s a chance that due to sour grapes, we may end up being disappointed in a big way, like she might not have shown up. We ended up hiring a different person just two days before the wedding(!) and he and his crew did a great job.

The issue of caterers stealing food bothers me: Why do they do this? Why does everyone tell you to expect and accept it? Can’t they just charge more money for their services and ensure that all the ingredients you provide them with to prepare wedding food will make it to the reception hall? Or couldn’t they mention upfront that they will keep food for 20 people (or however many people) aside for themselves? Most if not all of us were taught that if something isn’t yours, you can’t have it, at least not without asking and receiving a positive response! Yet I can’t only point a finger at the caterer and his staff: family members were sneaking away with things under the guise of helping us manage the flow of said things (beverages) or keep things safe (gifts from the engagement ceremony). If they had asked, my parents would have given them what they wanted. When I witness things like this I feel I’ll never understand those who feel they have to cheat the system or skim a bit off the top for themselves rather than just asking for it. Thankfully not all Nigerians share this mentality!

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My sister will be getting married in a few weeks so now that we’re all together we can continue the hard work my mom, sis, in-laws, and our family members have been doing. I’m excited! After talking to my future brother-in-law on Skype over the past year, it was great to meet him face-to-face. I can’t wait to see him and my sister together (she’s in our hometown while he’s still in Lagos) but I like what I see so far!

I should be in bed so I’ll stop now but I do want to mention that this was the most hassle-free airport experience we’ve had: sure the air conditioning was spotty at best and there were people jumping the queue (something I absolutely hate!) BUT we didn’t have to pay any bribes and going through immigration was a breeze. Our amazing friends who pick us up in Lagos make the experience so lovely—in fact I’ve told them I can’t consider coming home without them (yes, I’m a total wimp).

Good night and hope to be able to update more than I usually do during this trip.

The post Home again! appeared first on Good Naija Girl.

The thrifty side of me hates going to the travel doctor because it’s costly to minimize risks. Back in 2008, I received vaccines for the following:

• Cholera
• Hepatitis A
• Meningococcal Meningitis
• Tetanus/Diphtheria
• Typhoid Fever
• Yellow Fever (this is the only one that is an absolute requirement to enter Nigeria)

and I almost had to promise the doctor my firstborn child as payment!

The tetanus and Yellow Fever vaccines last for 10 years which is wonderful, but the others only last for 2-3 years, so pretty much before every trip I get the other vaccines. Malaria prevention is something everyone takes seriously, and we take a weekly pill of Mefloquine, starting one week before leaving, each week during the trip, then four weeks after returning. Thanks be to God my family members and I have yet to fall seriously ill.

This may be overkill, but I look at getting these vaccines as insurance. In Canada, car insurance is a requirement in order to drive your car. If you pay this insurance for years or decades even without ever having a car crash, you may think it’s ridiculous to continue to pay for something you don’t need. But those who have insurance and have had a car crash sure are glad they have insurance! I don’t even think about my insurance payments; it’s just the cost of having a car. The same is true of house insurance…as long as you never suffer a house fire you may think it’s wasteful to pay to insure a house. Apparently thrifty me sees this as the cost of traveling: when I’m vaccinated, I don’t worry as much about mosquito bites or drinking water of unknown origin. I’m still careful–I apply bug repellent and try to drink only bottled or boiled water–but sometimes laziness creeps in so it’s nice to have a backup working behind the scenes, especially for my mom who has some other health concerns that could make getting sick particularly bad for her.

One of the most frustrating things about me is I’m a real stickler for following instructions, especially when it comes to taking medication. When I was very young, I convinced my parents that I had poisoned myself because I had taken Tylenol every three hours instead of every four or something like that. Though they tried to reason with me, I was certain death was imminent and I made them take me to the emergency room! So you can imagine my horror when I realized that the cholera vaccine instructions said not to eat for one hour before and one hour after taking it, and I don’t think I heeded those instructions. And my precious malaria-preventing Mefloquine instructions say to keep it between 15 and 30 degrees Celsius, yet I left the pills in the car overnight at below zero for about 24 hours! I’m convinced I’ve rendered both useless and will now have to be extra careful…ok, now you can call me paranoid!

If you were born and raised in Nigeria, you probably don’t need any or all of the vaccines, as you may have developed immunity through possible exposure (I’m not saying that visitors to Nigeria will definitely come in contact with any of these illnesses, just that according to those maps they show you of outbreaks in various continents and countries, there appears to be a greater chance of coming in contact with some things in Nigeria than in the Canada, just like there are things that one is more likely to catch in Canada than in Nigeria). However I think if you’ve been out of the country for as long or longer than you’ve lived in the country, it’s a good idea to not take risks. Of course I’m not a doctor so I strongly suggest that anyone who’s wondering what vaccines they may need (if any) consult with a travel doctor. Yes, they charge and arm and a leg but I’d rather pay it than lose it (them) permanent as a result of meningicoccal meningitis (God forbid!).

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What are you thankful for?

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When you get to your mid-thirties, I think people start worrying on your behalf and they want to believe that you must be doing something wrong, that’s why you’re single. The alternative would be to accept that maybe you just won’t find a partner and that can be hard to accept. I won’t lie: I’m worried too! Sometimes I’ll be hit by a wave of panic that maybe I won’t find someone, or maybe I’m not meant to be married, but since I don’t know what God has in store for me in this regard, and since the urge to be a nun hasn’t ever hit me, I push down my panic and keep on hoping. The worst is knowing that my parents worry about it, because I don’t like to cause them any more stress. I’m hoping the fact that I’m self-sufficient (at least when it comes to taking care of my material needs) puts their minds at ease a little bit.

With my sister’s upcoming wedding, everyone and their dog is telling me that I will be next. When I think of how many years I’ve been told I’ll be next, I can barely stop from rolling my eyes. If only there really was a list and I really was next! I’ll be stopping in Europe on my way back from Nigeria for my first solo trip, and several friends have told me that maybe I will meet a man on that trip. I’m touched that they care but I’ve taken to saying “Thank you but those kinds of things don’t happen to me!” with a smile (the smile is genuine, bordering on laughter because the idea is so laughable!). The funny thing is they argue with me, insisting it will happen. Now I’m not a pessimist, really (despite the tone of this post), and they are not able to see the future as far as I know, and maybe it’s my science background talking but I’m going to need a bit more than platitudes to make me believe it could happen. I’d rather plan to enjoy my sister’s wedding and dance my heart out, then figure out how not to get lost alone in Europe than to hang my hopes on meeting a man, as lovely as it would be.

I’m tired of being told that I’m picky. I am picky, or choosy, or whatever you want to call it, but I’m at peace with the things I’m “picky” about. My personality clashes with people who run from confrontation, and I refuse to compromise on this. I don’t mind if I have to initiate the discussion but if they won’t participate, ever, I don’t want to be in that relationship. Being able to communicate (especially during difficult times) is very important to me. I do want to marry a Yoruba man and I’d like him to be taller than I am, but both of these are unimportant if he puts God first and if God reveals to me that he is the guy for me. I’ve never turned down a date with a man because he wasn’t Yoruba or because he was shorter than I am.

Speaking of being led by God to a spouse, I hope God is very obvious with me because I need very clear signs! The other thing I’m struggling with is opening my heart to love. I did before and things didn’t go as hoped, so I’m a bit wary to try again. This has to change.

This might be naive of me but how is it that so many Christian men care so little about sexual purity? It’s like the concept is completely foreign to them. I understand temptation (believe me) but I’m disappointed that I’ve yet to meet a man who has mentioned setting boundaries or who has been the one to extricate himself from a heated situation or to tell me to calm down ;). I so want to meet this guy—sexual purity is where it’s at!

Aside from softening my hardened heart, there are other things I could work on to make myself more appealing: I could improve my appearance and be open once again to setups. I could tell myself more positive messages about the wonderful man that I will meet soon, but I’m not-so-secretly rebelling against these actions I could take. Yes, I’ve suddenly become a child of 3 years old and I’m throwing a tantrum because I’m tired of waiting!

So, although I’m thankful for all the blessings in my life (I especially appreciate the kind man who dug me and another person out of the snow last night!), and even though one day my long wait for my future husband may top my thankful list, I had to be real for a moment.

So tell me, are you still waiting or have you found your match?

The post Part confession, part rant about being single appeared first on Good Naija Girl.

I can’t believe the last day of February is less than a week away! I don’t know where this year is going but I really don’t want to be left behind…I feel like I’m already out of time to do things.

I’m thankful for:

1. Life. I attended the funeral of a family friend a week and a half ago and it’s still unbelievable that he’s gone. We make these wonderful long-range plans, not knowing how many days we have left on earth. Thinking about this is sobering.
2. The health of my family, despite a small scare recently.
3. My job. The future is a bit uncertain at my job, and unexpected layoffs this year have led me to realize that things can change more quickly than I think. I’m thankful that I am still employed.
4. A comfortable shelter to protect me from this terribly cold winter.
5. The means to fulfil my needs and some wants.
6. Netflix (aka the official time waster!).

What are you thankful for?

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