There are a couple of different pieces to this, so let’s take them one at a time. First, have you ever enjoyed solo sex? Have your experiences with partners all been equally unenjoyable? Were there some experiences that were more fun than others? Do you ever have sexual fantasies? If so, how well do they match what you’ve tried in real life? Do you notice arousal if you read erotica? Have you tried using a vibrator? I ask because there’s a fair amount to unpack in the “I don’t enjoy sex” category and there might be some good information there for you. Any changes in your experience or variations in the pattern could offer valuable insight.

If you’re not sure how to start figuring these things out, I have two books to suggest. The first is the amazing Becoming Orgasmic. It’s a self-guided program of self-exploration, with a lot of amazing suggestions and ideas. You start off working through the book on your own and then you bring your partner into it. I’ve spoken with a lot of women who have been able to connect with their arousal cycle as a result of this book. I can’t say enough good things about it. The second book is I Love Female Orgasm, which is full of amazing ideas & creative suggestions, useful information and very friendly advice.

On the other hand, if you’ve tried different ways to have sex with the same results, there might be something else going on. You’re right that a lot of drugs, both prescription and otherwise, can affect arousal. Since that doesn’t seem to be your issue, have you ever talked to a doctor about this? There might be a medical issue that hasn’t been addressed. Not that I want to scare you or anything, but it’d be good to rule out the possibility that there is something medical happening.

Another direction that you might want to take would be to find a therapist, especially if you’ve ever experienced any kind of sexual injury or assault or if you find yourself checking out during sex. While not all people who experience challenges with sexual desire have had those experiences, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention them. Sometimes, even when we feel like those events are way in the past, they still affect our sexual interactions. RAINN has a hotline, as well as a list of local organizations.

I also think it’d be a good idea to talk with your boyfriend about this. That might be really hard, but if you’re making excuses, he probably knows that there’s something going on already. If you can explain to him that this is something that you’ve experienced for a long time, rather than having to do with him, that could take a lot of the pressure off you. One thing- some guys have the idea that their partner’s sexual enjoyment is a measure of their own masculinity. If this seems to be yanking his chain, he might also find that a therapist’s support can help.

I’m sure that some people will make all sorts of suggestions, such as trying g-spot play, or a vibrator. It’s true that many women discover amazing pleasure from exploring different options and it’s certainly possible that some of those might work for you. But the consistency that you describe your situation having makes me think that a quick answer like that isn’t the best place to start. Of course, I could be wrong, but at the very least, check out the books and see if they have anything to offer you. There’s a lot of great info in both of them, but if you’re looking for more of the how-to stuff, I Love Female Orgasm might be a better bet.

One of the ways that the restrictions keeping gays & lesbians from serving in the military were justified was the argument that they were considered security risks since they were potential blackmail victims. The reasoning went like this: gays & lesbians need to keep their sexual orientation secret. If someone finds out about it, they could blackmail them, which would put military secrets at risk. Therefore, gays and lesbians shouldn’t be in the military.

Of course, if you simply make it so that being queer isn’t noteworthy, then you take the stigma away and the potential for extortion goes away. But then, the decision to kick queers out of the military wasn’t about making a rational choice; it was about homophobia. In fact, according to Barry Goldwater:

It’s no great secret that military studies have proved again and again that there’s no valid reason for keeping the ban on gays. Some thought gays were crazy, but then found that wasn’t true. then they decided that gays were a security risk, but again the Department of Defense decided that wasn’t so-in fact, one study by the Navy in 1956 that was never made public found gays to be good security risks.

So one of the ironies of DADT is that it codifies the very situation that it was ostensibly supposed to fix. Imagine the possibility that, rather than reporting Sgt. Newsome, someone had threatened to expose her unless she did what they wanted. It’s hardly difficult to see how that might play out. DADT makes gays and lesbians a security risk, rather than fixing the situation.

It’s time to get rid of this ridiculous policy.

Let me tell you a story…To some, It’s going to sound like cheap smut…and it is.  But it’s good cheap smut! To others, who like to label, it’s going to sound like cheap GAY smut.

When I was a teenager (pre-teen to be exact), I picked up a bad habit.  Unfortunately I didn’t have GI Joe’s to entertain me so I had to find other ways to entertain myself.  What started off as a bet with a friend turned out to be something that I really got to enjoy doing .

We had just finished watching a porno movie called “Diamond Collections.” It was a 70’s skin flick about a guy with a huge cock (I don’t know if it was Johnny Wadd)  and how he would reward the women he fucked, with diamonds. My friend says to me, “Let’s play poker.” I said, “okay.” He says if I win, “You have to do what I say and vice versa.” I said, “All right the bets are on.”

You must know where I’m going with this. But if you don’t, lets put two and two together. Two teens (pre-teens) starting puberty who just watched a porno movie (that was found in a stash somewhere) and by now have unbelievable hard-ons. Hmmmm, what to do? What to do?

So we play the poker and the son of a bitch wins. “Okay what you do you want?” I say. He says, “Well, I beat you so I’d like you to beat me….with your mouth.” At this point my heart is beating super fast. It feels like it’s going to come out of my mouth and for that matter somewhere else too. Of course I want to do it.

Now mind you, I don’t find my friend attractive. There is no love, romance or anything related to that, but at this point, anything related to sex that would get me and him off was all good.  At first, I play hard to get and stall to see what he’s going to do next. After egging me on and saying that I wasn’t going to do anything, I proved him wrong and got on my knees and blew him like the MILF that blew Johnny Wadd (not sure if it was him). I must have done something right because he came like a bitch (just an expression).  Like most guys who cum, he zipped up and was on his way but not before watching me masturbate.

Well after that whole experience, I got hooked on the shit. While teenagers across the country were getting high with drugs, I was getting high with oral sex. Now, it was: how do you convince your other friends to have sex with you? Pop in a porno movie, you say?  Well, that never really worked but eventually I developed my craft on how to engage the topic. Fortunately, some of my peers had explosive hormones like me. I had to be careful how I would tread on the subject. I didn’t want to be labeled gay and be an outcast…shunned by my fellow friends. I never considered myself gay in the first place. I figured this was a way to get off until I could lose my virginity to a girl.  I like to call it prison fever (not that I’ve ever been arrested or in jail). I’ve always been attracted women. All types…eeeven

Anyway it got to a point where by the age of 15, I had a few friends I was sucking cock with. I kinda’ got off with the thought of being a whore with a whole bunch of customers. And sometimes I was the pitcher.

Well, it all came (not in the physical sense) to a screeching halt when I was around 15.  It was summertime in 1991. I like to call it “the summer of ‘91.” I had just finished my freshman year in an all boys catholic high school (none of my classmates were customers by the way). It was a hot summer and I was in heat.  A lot of masturbation going on that summer.

I had worked out an unspoken signal with my friend to let him know that I was home and hungry for cock.  I would sit out on the stoop of my building and after a few minutes when he stuck his head out the window from his building, I would go inside. You better believe that within 5 minutes of me going inside, he was knocking at my door. One of my parents would let him in and let him know that I was in my room.

On this particular occasion, I was watching tv when he came to my room. After a few minutes I  told him, “Whenever you’d like me to suck your cock, just pull it out and shove it in my mouth.”  Within about 10 minutes he whipped it out and I got to work. He always liked to be standing whenever I gave him head…and I always loved being on my knees when I was working him. I would glance up while I was blowing him, and see him looking at the mirror watching me do my thing.

It’s really getting intense. I was in a  falatious (if that’s a word) rhythm, feeling his ass, hearing him moan. It was fucking HOT. I was getting off on getting him off, when all of a sudden, my mom opens the door and sees what I’m doing and closes the door in shock!!! Yes, it’s true she didn’t know that this was going on for years….I’m just thinking. I could have saved up for college if I charged for what I did….

Getting back to the story, we both look at each other and say ”oh shit!!!” simultaneously. She goes to her room to tell my father of my despicable, sinful, dirty act. My friend, by that time, flew like a bat out of hell from my house.  My mother, as most parents in the inner city, feared that I would turn gay and took me out of the all boys catholic school, made me confess my sin to the priest. And instilled the doctrine of homophobia in me….Well guess what? It didn’t work. Sure I went to confession but I never told the priest (of all people) about my sexual experiences, because it was none of his fucking business.  My mother did a good job at keeping me under communist rule. “No privacy” until I was 21 when I emancipated myself. That’s another chapter in my life.

The point with all of this is that people in this society always have to have a label for something. We’re all guilty of this but it’s mostly because of society’s conditioning. Personally, I don’t care about how anyone labels my sexuality. So what if  I like to top or bottom a guy and like to top or bottom a girl (of legal consenting age), or a transgender person or whoever. And hey, what if I like disco, Batman and Robin, and the UFC? Or have a picture of Snagglepuss on my desktop wallpaper at work  & think that Grace Jones is a goddess? Why does that have to mean anything? What kind of label are you going to give me? Straight, gay, bisexual, polysexual, pansexual….a “closet case”? When will it all end? If  there wasn’t an emphasis on labeling, society would be less judgmental.  It would be so much easier for men to get into the pants of whatever guy they wanted to (practicing safe sex of course) and we could all love each other and get along.

Until next time,

Brandon

303 Magazine asked its female staff–writers, copy editors, marketing and promotions–to model nude for an upcoming photo shoot. They wanted to reinvent In Voluptas Mors (Dali Skull) by Philippe Halsman for their Art Issue. The Dali Skull shoot took place in a gallery with a 20-foot tall ceiling and an open staircase–a beautiful spot, but a little on the drafty side, which is not exactly balmy when you’re wearing nothing but your birthday suit. The photographer explained that she wanted us to lie down flat on the floor, while she stood high above us on the staircase–lens pointed down–for a bird’s eye view that would forever shatter every illusion we ever had about what we really look like naked. The art director nonchalantly told us to drop our robes, as if we non-models did this all the time. He scrutinized our naked bodies then placed us in position, forming a flesh sculpture from our curves. I found myself freezing my ass off on the concrete floor with the back of my head resting right smack in the middle of another woman’s baby maker. Maybe this would fast track us to a nice friendship.

A makeup artist stepped in and painted one of the women’s feet gold to depict a ghetto fabulous tooth in the final skull. All was silent except for shutter clicks and soft murmuring between the photographer, art director and editor in chief, intercut with requests directed toward us to “Please arch your back more” or “Can you get closer to her crotch?” Then it was over. I stood up, sore and chilled, wondering if my nipples would ever stand down again. I seriously considered throwing some pasties on there before I put someone’s eye out. ”Nice job, lovah,” Kailey said, eyeing me appreciatively as I slipped back into my robe. “How did you make something so cold look so hot?”

With the release of the Art Issue, we immediately tore through it, looking for something resembling a glossy pin-up page. What we found instead was that the art department neutered the naughty bits for the general public’s consumption. But who knows, maybe I still will end up pinned to my lover’s wall or even in the shadowy back room of an auto shop–especially if some crafty kid somewhere draws in a few well-placed nipples. A girl can only hope, anyway.

Photography by Melanie Watson, 303 Magazine February Art Issue

Win a Good Vibrations G-Swirl Vibrator!

Good Vibes is giving away 33 of our  G-Swirl vibrators.  Here’s how to get one of your own:

What sex toys have been the most ground breaking in the past 33 years?

Choose from our lists below or make your own list.

Post your answer on your Facebook, Twitter, or personal blog pages to let us know what you’ve chosen.

Then, simply post your link in our comments field to enter our G-Swirl Giveaway.

Only posts that link to GoodVibes.com at least once qualify.

Winners will be selected at random from entries posted on Good Vibrations Facebook page or in the comments field of this blog.

Winners will be chosen on April 1, 1010, and will be contacted via email.

1970’s:

Hitachi Magic Wand

Wahl Coil

Body Dust

Scorpio Silicone Dildos

Behind the Green Door

Our Bodies, Ourselves

The Hite Report

Nancy Friday

Sapphistry

The Opening of Misty Beethoven

Deep Inside Annie Sprinkle

Deep Throat

1980’s:

Rabbit Pearl

Dills for Does Silicone dildos

Stormy Leather harnesses

Probe lube

Betty Dodson’s Sex for One

Anal Pleasure and Health

Herotica

Good Vibes Guide to Vibrators

Candida Royalle’s Femme series

Nina Hartley

Betty’s Barbell

Strap It To Me Kit

1990’s:

Pocket rocket

Vixen Silicone dildos

Good Vibes Guide to the G-Spot

Madonna’s Sex

Exhibitionism for the Shy

Bend Over Boyfriend

Fukuoku 9000

Liquid Silk

Ethical Slut

Leather Daddy and the Femme

2000’s:

Sexy in the City Rabbit Vibrator Kit

Pure Wand

Smart Girl’s Guide to Porn

Healing Sex

Hard Love & How to Fuck in High Heels

Gigi Rechargeable Vibrator

Rock Chick Vibrator

GV Soft Packs

2010’s:

Ecorotic™ Green Sex Toys

G-Ki

INCOQNITO Blade Pendant and Necklace

Mystic Wand

Seven Minutes in Heaven: Coming Out

Fluid: Men Redefining Sexuality

Fluid: Women Redefining Sexuality

Ina Vibrator

Rowan’s a foxy, bucolic boy from the south with shoulder length, honey colored hair and long flirty eyelashes that droop down over his mossy green eyes so he always looks sleepy and wistful. He’s also got a very nice penis and plays guitar like his hair’s on fire. He shows up on my doorstep at 1:30 am Thursday morning. We start fucking around 3.

The night is like a dream. We drink beer and smoke weed until he decides he has to go move his car so it won’t get towed in the morning. His hand on the doorknob, spare key in his pocket, and before either of us knows what’s happening, our bodies mesh. A trail of clothing to the bedroom and the two of us are a heaving, moaning tangle of flesh. It’s hard to tell where he ends, where I begin. His cock. My breasts. Our tongues. Our sweat.

It ceases to matter that he hasn’t showered in a few days, that I haven’t brushed my teeth, that the sheets on my bed are far from fresh, the cat’s incessant meowing, or the dirty laundry on the floor. It ceases to matter that we don’t know each other’s last names, star signs, or dietary habits. All that matters is the visceral functioning of our bodies; a galaxy of nerve endings; a pool of erogenous zones. . .

I wake to him looking at me, touching my hair. The vortex of sex pulls us into each other again until finally, at noon, we get out of bed. The coffee is strong and bitter and it pulls the sleep out of our eyes. Outside, it’s sunny. I offer to show Rowan around San Francisco before I go to rehearsal. We amble through Chinatown, munching dim sum and staring in the strange windows of the Chinese butcher shops, at roasted duck and hen hanging by their bony necks, giant frogs crammed in tiny aquariums awaiting their doom.

I lose myself in the poetry room of City Lights bookstore and am brought back to reality by Rowan’s soft hand on my waist. “Want to get a cup of coffee?”

Drinking cappuccinos out of gigantic teacups, our glassy-eyed gazes shift from the black and white photographs of Lawrence Ferlinghetti to the toothless man outside banging on a guitar with no strings. We walk down nudie strip, the couple blocks of Broadway that become a neon porn jungle at night. It’s still light out, and the strippers stand outside the clubs smoking and chatting with the security guys

When we get to Kearney street, I say “Oh, look! The Lusty Lady,” and act surprised. Rowan raises his eyebrows as I proceed to elucidate the finer points of the only unionized peep show in the continental U.S.

“But I don’t have any quarters.” Rowan smiles sheepishly, shuffling his feet.

“I do!” Grabbing his hand, I drag him through the lobby and into the dark, carpeted room. “Okay. Don’t touch the walls or the door and don’t put anything on the ground.” Inside, it’s stuffy. The scent of semen stains the air and try as I might, I can’t keep the sleeve of my jacket from touching the wall.

“The floor is sticky.” Rowan mutters in my ear, but the booth is tiny, so tiny he has to stand extremely close to me, and I can feel through his pants that he likes the situation. I give him the quarters and he starts feeding them into the coin slot, one by one. The window shade rises.

On the other side of the plexi glass are 4 or 5 women, all naked, most of them wearing high heels. A few have jewelry, dangling earrings, necklaces with heavy pendants that rest in their cleavage, or belly chains. One girl has been haphazard with her depilatory ritual. Her “racing stripe” is off center. A patch of dark hair sprouts behind one of her knees. She comes over to our window and starts to gyrate. Rowan giggles nervously, but other parts of him are getting aroused. The woman lifts her leg and starts to touch herself, gently peeling back the petals of her labia to give us a better view of her. Then she looks at me. I smile. She looks at me again and bends down to get a closer view. “Hannah?”

“Uh, hi.” I wave awkwardly. I don’t know who she is, but I have been caught with my muff in the proverbial dildo bin, and I hope she either goes back to the pussy show or just goes away. The last thing I want is a conversation from one side of the glass to the other. But I guess that’s what she has in mind, because she says, “How are you?”

“I’m, uh, good. Here with a friend.” I point to Rowan, who grins like an idiot and says, “Hi, I’m Rowan.”

“Oh,” says the girl. Puzzlement in her eyes, she stands back up and sways away, back to her pole or to gyrate in front of someone else. The window shade is descending and all our quarters are gone. I feel completely embarrassed, humiliated even, like my mother has caught me with my finger on my happy button, but Rowan is still grinning. He thinks I’m the coolest shit on earth at this moment, and he says, “Wow, all the girls know you at the peepshow. That is so hot!” And for some reason this makes me feel grateful. So grateful that I take him. Right there. In my mouth. And I go to rehearsal happy. Knowing he’s leaving tomorrow. Knowing we may not see each other again.

Good Vibrations is delighted to announce the launch of its affiliate program, welcoming partnerships throughout the internet.

Websites looking for a way to promote sex positivity and increase revenue on their website, blog, or social networking site can look no further than Good Vibrations’ new affiliate program.  Just by linking to the Good Vibrations homepage, GV Magazine articles, or directly to their product pages through text or banner links, affiliate bloggers and web hosts can earn a 15%, 20%, or 25% commission for any sales directed from their site.

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Now bloggers and web sites can money and make the world a better place too.  Through Good Vibrations’ affiliate program bloggers can increase their profits while encouraging sexual health and product knowledge.  And it’s not all about the money.  Dedicated affiliates are rewarded with competitive commissions, exclusive discounts, products for review, and a special Loyalty Rewards program.  Good Vibrations’ Affiliate Program is perfect for those who want to share the site’s extensive sex toy and adult movies selection and trusted sex education with the broader internet community.

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Let’s get together!

Good Vibrations is proud to announce the “Pleasure-Ed Series” from their sister company, Good Releasing.   This new line of films has arrived to educate and inspire with real sex (really!  real!) and valuable information from Staff Sexologist Dr. Carol Queen, Ph.D

Nominated for the 2010 AVN “Best New Video Production Company” Award, Good Vibrations’ sister company Good Releasing offers various lines of educational films featuring such topics as fellatio, cunnilingus, G-spot stimulation, and anal play.

Smart and sexy, the Pleasure-Ed Series doesn’t just describe how to have better sex, it shows it too. This continuing collection of explicit educational films includes a wide range of informational and instructional content to inspire and enhance one’s sex life.

In the Pleasure-Ed Series, Dr. Carol Queen, Good Vibrations Staff Sexologist and Co-Founder of the Center for Sex and Culture, encourages the viewer to explore and enjoy their sexuality. Together with her expert friends and colleagues, she teaches techniques to help the viewer discover the endless possibilities of pleasure.

Jackie Strano, Good Vibrations’ Chief Operations Officer explains, “Good Releasing’s titles showcase authentic and hot adult entertainment full of lustful and unabashed sexualities, unapologetic desire, genuine pleasure, helpful information and screen burning chemistry.”

Full of chemistry and connection, Going Down: The Official Guide to Cunnilingus (PES 101) is the first title to be released.  After identifying erotic anatomy, Dr. Carol Queen covers communication, issues and safer sex. She gives tips about getting into the act, illustrated with hot sex from professional performers and real-life couples.  Viewers are encouraged to find their own sexual style and hear about others’ as community voices contribute to the cunnilingus conversation.

For over 30 years, Good Vibrations has provided in-depth, objective information on a broad range of sexual health issues. People turn to Good Vibrations to answer their most pressing and personal sexual health care questions. Through nationwide public education campaigns and personal assistance, Good Vibrations has supported and promoted the advancement of sexual health.  Now with their hot new educational films, people can access important information in a way that is entertaining and hot!

What is your favorite porno of all time?

I can’t name just one. I like really hardcore porns, and bizarre flicks. My favorite porns are probably amateur fisting!

What sex toy(s) do you like to use on film?

My cock (Maverick), and my hand (me). Any chance I get to fist fuck someone, I go for it.

If you could have a Good Vibrations Shopping Spree, what would you put in your cart?

Lube Lube Lube. And Lube.

What was it like working on set for this film (with Good Releasing)?

Amazing as always. I love working with Courtney Trouble and Good Releasing. It’s always incredibly laid back, super friendly and fun. I’m always made to feel incredibly comfortable (so much so that I run around half naked making strange noises). Although, if free coffee were offered, I wouldn’t dare complain.

If you’ve worked with other film companies, how was that different?

Years ago I did a bdsm flick with another company. They were cold, impersonal and I was paid about a nickel. Not fun.

If you could give one piece of sex advice, what would it be?

I think people need to relax their fears/worries and look at sex as something fun, and treat their own bodies like it’s the exploratorium. Also, lube. Also. Bigger IS better. Also. I love you.

What do you believe is the biggest myth about sex?

That women can’t ejaculate.

Who are your influential co-stars, directors, both folks you’ve worked with and those you’d like to work with?

Courtney Trouble of course. She brought me into the porn world, and was a constant source of encouragement. I loved (mega loved) working with Jiz Lee, Lorelei Lee (why won’t she marry me), and Dylan.

What did/do you hope your performance(s) portray about sexuality?

That queer sex is hot as fuck. Also, we really needed more str8/queer ftm on femme/girl porn!

How has having access to sex-positive information and support change your life?

I used to be very uncomfortable with my sexuality. Now I’m a shameless pervert that will bake you a pie afterwards and spoon you until the wee hours. Thank god for sex-positive mentors.

What projects are you working on now?

I’m building parallel bars. No porn work in the near future, sadly.

Where can fans find more of your work?

twitter-@billycastroxxx
or billycastrofanclub.com

If we want to develop happy sex lives, we need to be able to talk about sex, to ask for what we want, to hear what our partners want, and to find a middle ground. Indirect communication or simply hoping that someone will know what we want sometimes works, but when we do that, we’re gambling that someone will just know what to do and the odds simply aren’t in our favor, if only because there are so many possibilities.

Fortunately, there are some really easy tools to make it easier. One of them, the Yes/No/Maybe Checklist, comes from the BDSM community. The idea is that you take a list of possible activities and put a checkmark in each column: one for things that you pretty much always like, one for things that you have no interest in, and one for things that you might like to do or try. It’s a pretty easy idea, and there are a few ways to play with it. (You can also rate your maybes on a scale of 1-10, if you want.)

First, you don’t need to do it all at once. You can take as long as you need to think about which things go in which columns.

Second, you can have each person fill it out separately and then trade lists. Anything that you’ve both marked as “yes” are things that you can be pretty confident you’ll both enjoy, although you still need to discuss the details.

Then, you can open up a conversation. “Blowjobs are a yes for me and a maybe for you. What are your reasons for making it a maybe? What can we do to make it more fun for you?” Go into this part of the conversation with the intention of making it a win-win for everyone. This will probably work better when it’s about finding the places where you have as much overlap as possible rather than convincing someone to do something they don’t like. Even when something is a yes for both of you, talk about what makes it extra fun. What positions or techniques are especially hot? What are your turn-offs? It’s often a lot easier to have those talks when you know that there’s general agreement and you’re just working out the details.

If something is in someone’s no list, it can sometimes be worth exploring why that is. For some people, it’s because of negative experiences. For others, it might be simply because it doesn’t do anything for them. Or it could be a trigger or a squick. This can all be really useful information, as long as everyone is able to keep focused on the larger goal of finding the things that work.

Third, set the list aside for a bit and check in with each other. If this is something new for you, you might find that you have some different emotions coming up. Relief that it’s over, surprise at how easy it was, worry that your partner is judging you, happiness at knowing that you’ve done something challenging, or any other feeling. Whether you want to talk about those emotions together or not, you may find that it’s worth making some room for them.

I don’t recommend doing this as foreplay, simply because that puts a certain pressure on the process. I’ve noticed that talking about sex with a partner often works better when it’s not done in a sexual context because it’s easier to keep focused. In a way, talking about sex when you’re already turned on is like going grocery shopping when you’re hungry. You end up buying things that you wouldn’t usually get because your hunger is skewing your decisions.

Another great way to use these lists is to fill them out and then set them aside for a few weeks to get them out of your short-term memory. Then get yourself really turned on by masturbating, but don’t orgasm. When you’re really aroused, take a blank copy of the list and do it again. You may find that some of your no items become maybes and some of the maybes shift to yes. This highlights the way that we can make different decisions when we’re turned on than when we’re not, simply because of the influence of arousal.

There are quite a few yes/no/maybe lists to be found. Many of them are BDSM-oriented like this, this, and this, mostly because this concept came from the BDSM community. But with a little digging, you can find non-BDSM checklists like this great one from Becca. Here’s the word file, in case you’re so excited to print it out that you don’t want to go to her site. But I definitely recommend checking her blog out- she’s fabulous.

If you’ve every used one of these checklists, what did you like about it? Did it help you talk about your desires? I’d love to hear from you in the comments.

Have fun!