Inspiration for Mothers

MOTHERING AS A JOURNEY

2011-05-21T12:04:00.000-07:00

"Pilgrim, on your journey

You may travel far,

For pilgrim it's a long way

To find out who you are..." - Enya

If mothering is a journey, then conscious mothering is taking the high road.
The way up is steep and difficult but the view is incomparable and from up here you can see very clearly.

'On a clear day you can see forever'

Parenting is not a duty. It is a privilege and and opportunity; A journey of self-discovery.

Parenting can be seen as a tool to self-discovery and growth. This is what raises it from mundane daily routines and drudgery and elevates it to its true divine status.

When the kids push your buttons you are being presented with the lessons you need to learn. Therefore motherhood is an opportunity for growth.

The challenge is to keep in touch with your centre wherever you are - every day.

Remember, you cannot change what is over but you can decide where you will go from here.

Spiritual journeys are not about reaching the destination - for when you reach the destination the journey is over - they are all about how you travel.

Patiently and with a smile on your face
Enjoying the moment and living in the now
Remembering always your calm, inner centre, but forgiving yourself when you forget.
Working on self - reading, meditating
Being open to learning from kids - seeing them as your spiritual equals
Growing as you help your kids grow
Being open to self-correction, flexibility
Self-questioning, examining, how can I get better?
Self-care, balance, health
Focusing on your child's uniqueness and applying your own uniqueness and creativity to life.

When times are tough you are growing.

The journey into Motherhood can be seen as a 'breaking open'.

We have to be willing to go through the pain and struggle of the changes that motherhood brings with it in order to be able to break through and show our fullest potential and our hidden splendour, like a butterfly coming out of its cocoon.

Like a chick breaking out of its shell, no one can do it for us. We must be willing to struggle on in order to become the magnificent bird or butterfly that we truly are.

Then we can spread our wings and begin to learn to fly.

- May your journey be long and take you far.
- May you travel well.
- May you spread love on your journey.
- May you enjoy every step along the way.
- May you be lead down the road that leads to You.
- May you learn on your journey and grow into the fullness of who you truly are.

9 Quick Rules of Parenting

2010-04-26T04:30:00.000-07:00

1/ Never forget who is the adult.

2/ Never lose your sense of humour.

3/ Let the small things go.

4/ The #1 way kids learn is through imitation (so watch out).

5/ Never call your child names - they will echo in his/her mind for years to come.

6/ Listen to the voice of your intuition, it never fails.

7/ Ignore developmental charts.

8/ Children need attention and will do anything to get it - whether it's positive or negative.

9/ You can never give too many hugs.

Living with Ease

2010-04-03T11:11:00.000-07:00

Spring Cleaning

Setting Up Good Habits So You Can Relax and Enjoy the Moment

The angle of the sun was such this morning that I could see it rise through my glass kitchen door over the ancient oak trees in the woods next to my house. What a way to start the day.

It reminded me that winter has ended and spring is at hand.

There is the feeling in the air of new beginnings, starting over, out with the old and in with the new, clearing the clutter, getting rid of the baggage.

Spring cleaning is not just for the house. When spring arrives we all feel the need to give our mental, emotional and spiritual lives an overhaul.

We feel the need to pare down and simplify, to de-stress our lives.

The way to do that and so live with more ease is to set up good habits and make them part of your routine. In this way they become an integral part of your life and you do them without even thinking - a bit like setting up a direct debit at the bank.

This is the way I have found that I can work long-term on attracting good stuff through the Law of Attraction (Google: Esther Hicks) whilst relaxing, enjoying the moment and 'Loving What Is' (Google: Byron Katie).

Just concentrate on doing a little each day to reach your goals and dreams. You can't reach your goals from one day to the next, but you can by setting up the habits you need to get there and doing a little a day.
Remember, it was the tortoise that won the race.

Think of it this way - make what you do today a gift to your future self. Do something today, or give a little bit extra, that will have you saying thank you to yourself in a week or a month's time.

If your dream is to be a writer, you don't need to wait until your novel is published and on the shelves of the book shop to be able to call yourself a writer. A writer is one who sits for 15 minutes/ half an hour each day and writes, practising, preparing herself for all the wonderful writing opportunities that lie ahead.

If your goal is to create an emergency savings account (Google: Suze Orman) that will cover 8 months of expenses if your income suddenly drops for any unforseen reason then set up a direct debit from your current (checking) account into your savings on the day that your salary enters your account. The first person you should pay in any month is yourself. We always find the money for the things that we have to pay. Why make your savings last on the list and wait to see what money is left at the month's end? Trust me, there won't be any left. But if you make it your first monthly payment other luxury items will go by the wayside and, with your new-found financial serenity, you will never even miss them. Now you're on your way to a secure and lasting financial foundation for you and your loved ones.

If your intention is to lose weight then think about healthy eating habits. Think of your favourite healthy things to eat and incorporate them into your day. For example, you might love a healthy salad with nuts and seeds and a little dressing - so make that your lunch and think about all the vitimins and nutrients your body will be getting every day. Maybe you just love wholesome granary bread, so make that your breakfast with a little butter and healthy spread and enjoy it. What else do you love? fresh fruits with yogurt and a little muesli? corn flakes and milk? vegetable sticks with tehina paste and olive oil? crackers and cheese with olives and tomatoes? a cup of hot vegetable soup? You decide. Make your own menu and enjoy it. Love your food and enjoy eating but always try and think about how the food you put in your mouth is benefitting your body. And create a time when you can eat the cakes, puddings or chocolates that you love - late afternoon when you've already made sure you've eaten the healthy, beneficial stuff or on friday night or at the weekend. Whatever suits you best.

Once these habits are in place you can relax knowing that you are on the right path. And if you come off the rails you can rest assured that you can always find your way back by following your Master Plan.

Trust that you know how to get there one day at a time. You need never feel helpless again.

And the greatest gift of getting your life in order is that you can stop worrying, knowing that you're doing all you can JUST FOR TODAY.

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" - Tao Te Ching

Start making the steps today that lead where you want to go.

2009-11-15T04:09:00.000-08:00

'Inspiring you so you can be an inspiration to your children'

The intention of this website is to help you to get enthused about your calling as a mother, to lift your mothering to a new level and to help you create the life you truly desire for yourself and your family.

This site is an excellent resource to help you on your journey.

What will this website do for you?

A daily visit to Inspiration For Mothers.com will inspire you to:

mother from your Higher Self
spread joy in your family every day
be energized and ready to inspire your kids
live everyday with a feeling of excitement about what you are doing

If you are not looking to be inspired, motivated, uplifted and enthused, then this web site is not for you!

There is no greater work in life, no greater spiritual practice, no better way to create positive change in the world than through the guidance and raising of your children.

'Uplifting you as you do the work of Spirit here on earth'

In order that we as mothers will be able to give to our children we must first fill ourselves up. It is like the instructions given to you by the air stewards when you fly; first put on your gas mask and then when you have a good oxygen supply, you will be better able to help your children put on theirs.

Well, the free articles and information on this site will act as your oxygen so that you will be better equipped and in a better state of mind to direct and advise your children from a place of inner peace.

'Raising the status of mothering from mundane to sacred'

New Site to Inspire you - Daily

2009-11-05T12:21:00.000-08:00

Due to the popularity of the inspiring quotes and affirmations on this site I have decided to dedicate a whole new site to Quotes & Affirmations for Mothers. The new site is http://dailyinspirationformothers.blogspot.com/ .

Get Daily Inspiration for Mothers delivered free to your email every day.
Just enter your email address in the subscription box on the site.

Email your mum friends and let them know about this fab new service!!

Books to Awaken your Spirit

2009-10-30T00:33:00.000-07:00

Books to boost, cheer, enhearten, encourage, elate, embolden, empower, excite, hearten, inspire, inform, infuse, motivate, reassure, stir, touch and uplift you.

Some books I love...

(If you want to order books from the UK please click on this link: Book Recommendations in the UK)

Personal Development, Self-Awareness

Parenting, Mothering

Finances

Gratitude Journals

Home

Shelter for the Spirit: Create your own haven in a hectic world, by Victoria Moran

Communication

Health

Heal Thyself: An Explanation of the Real Cause and Cure of Disease, by Dr. Bach

Children's Books

Leaving Full-Time Mothering

2009-10-28T23:32:00.000-07:00

Often being a full-time mother means having to make do on very little financially. And although this is not something that you would necessarily choose, with hindsight you will be able to see what a wonderful time it was.

After all, this lack of material well-being is not meant to last - you are not meant to suffer, but a period of lack often brings with it a wonderful opportunity to slow down the pace and quieten down the wants and to notice that there is more to our lives that the physical realm.

These times of scarcity can often herald a spiritual awakening. You may begin to hear your inner voice whispering to you from within about your Life's purpose.

Kairos and Chronos

If you're the sort of mum who likes to follow her child's lead and go with their flow throughout the day then you've got used to living Kairos time probably for the first time since childhood and that's a hard thing to give up and go back to Chronos and his fast-ticking second hand.

"Chronos is clocks, deadlines, watches, calendars, agendas, planners, schedules, beepers. Chronos is time at her worst. Chronos keeps track. ...Chronos is the world's time. Kairos is transcendence, infinity, reverence, joy, passion, love, the Sacred. Kairos is intimacy with the Real. Kairos is time at her best. ...Kairos is Spirit's time. We exist in chronos. We long for kairos. That's our duality. Chronos requires speed so that it won't be wasted. Kairos requires space so that it might be savored. We do in chronos. In kairos we're allowed to be ... It takes only a moment to cross over from chronos into kairos, but it does take a moment. All that kairos asks is our willingness to stop running long enough to hear the music of the spheres."

- Sarah Ban Breathnach

I am not willing to give up this newfound sense of peace, time with kids at start and end of day, time to myself, having the time to eat well and time to exercise.

Coming Back Down to Earth

So what happens when the children have grown and the time comes eventually to go back out into the world and participate in the financial abundance of the physical realm once more?

Last night I dreamed that I was wandering around a magical 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory' type of sweet shop. I had made my way through meandering, maze-like corridors in search of a particular old-fashioned type of fudge that I love and isn't always easy to find in the shops. I eventually found it in the last room at the end of the corridor where one of the sales clerks was telling me that I needed to hurry up as it was beginning to get dark and they were about to close. I paid for the fudge, happy with my purchase and immediately began to be chased by a man with a gun so I ran out of the shop and managed to get away. But then I realised, once safely outside, that I didn't have the fudge with me. I had left it in the shop. I had forgotten all about it.

The meaning of the dream suddenly hit me as I was recalling it to my children later that morning. After a period of ten years of full-time mothering, my youngest had started in the local pre-school and I had had a year of being at home working on my website and my children's writing and illustrating and it had been the most fulfilling and meaningful time. I had had the time to be able to flow with the inclinations of my heart. But now there was a good, interesting job on the horizon that meant that I would be financially comfortable for the first time in years and would enable me to afford all the after-school activities for my children that I so longed to enrich their lives with. I was worried that I would have to give up on what I had found and (yet again) give up on myself and my dream. This dilemma was playing itself out in my subconscious through my dream.

Holding Onto the Fudge

So here was the challenge that I was being faced with. How could I continue to hold spirit at the centre of my life whilst moving from a place of material lack but spiritual richness to a place of physical abundance? How could I continue to hold onto the fudge and not allow my fear to chase me away from the dream and the sweetness of life that I had found.

Dreams of this type deal with universal issues. Jung believed that all the characters in our dreams are aspects of ourselves. So while you and I are the customer on a quest for an elusive piece of satisfaction and pleasure, we are also the impatient sales clerk worried that time will run out, as we constantly put limits on ourselves and our perception of the world, and we are also the man with the gun who embodies our fear which we allow to separate us from that which brings happiness and sustenance, sabotaging our happiness by allowing fear to create distance between us and our joy when we should be holding it close to our hearts. But even more important, we are the sweet shop and we too are the fudge.

The Sweetness Within

All the goodness, the sweetness of life is within us. We have within us a whole sweet shop of goodies and what we are searching for is there inside if we are only willing to get still and look within. And if you hadn't worked it out already, the fudge, that little golden nugget, is your spirit. It is what you seek when you look for meaning and fulfillment in your life. It is what you you reach out for when you search for enjoyment through the physical (food, shopping, drink, pills...),not knowing that it is not something 'out there' but in here. And you can get in touch with it daily by nurturing your creativity, by doing that activity that makes time fly and your soul soar, whether it is writing, singing, reading inspiring books, painting or gardening.

And when you have reached the end of your seeking, there at the end of the corridor is You.

This is what spiritual awakening is; the realisation that You are what you are searching for.

The fudge is always there, you just have to look for it.

The Journey Continues

And once you find it through the sacred task of mothering, the next challenge is how to keep hold of it as you move on from full-time mothering into the relative financial abundance of paid work and continue learning through life.

I have found my piece of fudge and I'm intent on not letting it go.

How to Continue to Hold Spirit Close

The way we can continue to hold spirit close is to prioritise and to give spirit a central position in our lives. We can do this in a number of ways, but they all involve getting still and quiet and allowing the inner voice to speak to us, it is continuing to be aware of the messages Life is trying to draw your attention to, whether it is through

an inspiring email
the words of a song that you can't get off your mind
a passage of a book that jumps out at you
a dream that you remember.

If we make our lives too complicated we drown out the voice.

Simplicity frees us up to remain connected.

Our creativity inspires us to be authentic and vital.

'There are voices which we hear in solitude, but they grow faint and inaudible as we enter into the world'

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

'It's impossible to experience solitude regularly for any extended length of time without personal passions and authentic longings surging to the surface of your awareness'

- Sarah Ban Breathnach

A woman who 'would not exchange her solitude for anything. Never again to be forced to move to the rhythm of others.'

- Tillie Olsen, "Tell me a riddle".

On Appreciating How Far You Have Come

2009-10-26T02:28:00.000-07:00

Today I was eating pita with jam and it reminded me of a holiday I had in Jerusalem when I was younger and had had so little money with me that I survived solely on a bag of pita and a jar of apricot jam.

For a moment the thought arose of how far I had come since then.

I immediately dismissed the thought and then caught myself and forced myself to stop and reflect on it.

We all dismiss positive, self-affirming thoughts so often.

I want to challenge this dismissal here and ask you to reflect for a moment on how far you have come on your journey and how well you are doing.

Us humans have an inclination to never be satisfied with where we are and what we have.

We are always looking forward not back.

Why? Because out dreams are always ahead of us.

We are too busy chasing the next dream to realise that where we are now is the dream of yesterday.

Tell yourself "I am living my dreams!"

I hope you are, for I am. I am living in the country that I chose, married with kids, in my own beautiful house surrounded by fruit trees and sunshine, internet writing, and working on getting my children's books published.

The choices of the past have lead me to where I am today, and they've been good ones.

Notice how your life has all come together. How people and things have 'magically' come into your life to help you at just the right moment.

Notice how you have always found the money for whatever you've needed.

Some may say that jam is just jam, but being aware in the moment openned my eyes to see that it's so much sweeter for having been made on my own oven in my own kitchen, from the apricots that grew on my tree in my garden.

And on looking back I suddenly come across a realisation that it's all ok - that I'm the surfer and the universe is the wave moving me forward and taking me for a wonderful ride.

And so it is for you.

My faith in the power of life is restored and I am able to use my magic now as martha Beck wrote:

'to sit patiently with a yearning that has not yet been fulfilled and to trust that that fulfillment will come.'

And it will come - I have learnt that through the simple lesson of pita and jam.

Mumpreneurs

2009-10-24T01:51:00.000-07:00

Are you at home full time with the kids?

Are you dreading going back to work?

After such a life-changing period you can not go 'back' to work - you can only go forward to doing your work in the world.

This is why so many mums these days start up their own business.

The process of creating and raising babies actually makes us mums smarter. We come up with such good ideas.

In 2006, scientists reported that during pregnancy there is a dramatic improvement in learning and memory skills and key brain areas alter in size. These changes can last for decades.

Also, childrearing is mentally and emotionally so challenging that it stimulated brain activity.

Us moms just itch to get going on some new creative project.

I dreaded going back to work for years - possibly lost the joy of the moment by doing so. What a waste!

I needed flexible hours, to work from home, oh, and money.

I began to think of the options -

I had book ideas that came into my head as I was out and about with the kids - the things I wanted them to know but couldn't find books about. So I wanted to be an author. That was the big dream.
While at home with kids I was constantly looking for inspiration on the web and thought that I could now provided service for many,many, others. This seemed something that I would find fulfilling and could potentially change lives (reach many like Oprah!). Then I stumbled across StevePavlina.com and thought I could do something similar - a website that has big traffic and makes money on ads, providing value for readers.
I came across 'The Secret' and Mr Fire (Joe Vitale). I found it all very inspiring and it helped me get my head around what I wanted - a case of 'when the student is ready...' . I got ideas about how to write ebooks, 1 page ebooks and how to market them.

At home I had got used to what Sarah Ban Breathnach terms 'Kairos' - living on my own time, without schedules and clocks and hassle, going with the flow, living with the rising and the setting of the sun, with the changing of the seasons.

The secret is to see what you need and can't find - and provide it for others. Use your experiences as information for others.

"Let an unfettered imagination sow the seeds of possibility in the rich soil of your soul. Then let passion tend the garden with patience and perseverence." - Sarah Ban Breathnach

I love being at home! I love being here for the kids. I want to work when it suits me. Maybe even do some volunteering. I love mucking around on the net, I desire multiple sources of income, and want to inspire others. I don't want a 9-5 paycheck, or to work for someone else.

I'm sure many of you feel like I do too.

If you think like me them how can you afford not to pursue your dream?

To begin with when there is no money coming in and the bills are still making their monthly visits and the husband is beginning to make comments, it can be hard not to be pulled back into the security and stability of the monthly paycheck. You may begin to wonder if you're not just being selfish, or a little crazy.

Always keep in mind:

"Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up."
-Thomas Edison

"Most successful people begin with two beliefs: the future can be better than the present, and I have the power to make it so." - David Brooks

You are great at planning your time. After years of self-denial you have learned what is truly important in life. After years of having to slip things that you enjoy in around the kids routine, you are an expert at prioritising and knowing how to pare life down to what really makes you happy.

"I will not die an unlived life."
-Dawna Markova

After putting your dreams on hold for so long you are like an arrow from its bow towards the target. Your self-determination is strong, your vision is clear and there is nothing that can get in your way.

May you continue to work towards your bigger dream.

And always remember - however big your dream, the universe always dreams a bigger dream for you.

Becoming Conscious of the Family Patterns You Are Passing On

2009-10-20T07:37:00.000-07:00

When you have left your family of origin and begin to create your own family, it is time to look back at how your past has molded you and helped create who you are today.

Then you can leave the baggage behind and move forward into your future with your children, making conscious choices about how to raise them, not working on auto-pilot.

I was fortunate enough to undergo a seminar as part of my studies towards my academic degree in education that had at the heart of it my personal growth.

The head of the course was a clinical psychologist and the course was a study of 'Myself as a Product of my Family'. Quite brave and forward-looking on her part and nerve-wracking on the part of us students! I have to admit that this course was the most growth-inducing learning I have ever had throughout the whole of my schooling. (I wish there was more of this type of learning in our schools.) I was asked to examine and analyse the family in which I grew up and how it had affected me.

Obviously I'm not going to start dissecting my family here, but I do want to hand over to you the theory behind the course.

I believe that we cannot mother consciously, or grow fully as a human being, if we have not brought up from our sub-conscious the ingrained patterns of mothering that we were raised with and are often not aware of. If we are able to look back at the family patterns that we were handed down by our parents then we are in a better position to consciously choose what sort of family we want to create - by design, not by chance.

Doing the Best We Can

"Don't hold your parents up to contempt. After all, you are their (daughter), and it is just possible that you may take after them." - Evelyn Waugh

While you will need to make judgments about how you were raised, this is not the same as criticising. Keep in mind that everyone is doing the best they know how. Your parents were doing their best at the time. And so are you now, today, with your family.

Your best today may be different from your best tomorrow. It changes from day to day, from moment to moment. And, as Maya Angelou said 'When you know better, you do better".

So let's get learning!

_____________________________________________

Rules
Roles
Structure
Communication

1. Family Rules

A few things to know about family rules:

Every family has rules.
If there are no rules the family cannot function.
The creation of rules prevents conflict.
At every stage the rules change and develop.
Rules control the lives of the couple and the family.
Rules have to do with the concept of 'should'.
The rules laid down must satisfy the needs, drives and personal characteristics of all the family members.
If they are flexible, suitable and supportive rules help the individual develop as the family develops.

Initially you will think of rules that have to do with money, household chores, mealtimes, homework, bedtimes, freedom...the framework needed when several people are living together in one house.

Ask yourself the following questions both about the family you have created as well as your family of origin. (If you're very brave you could ask the members of your family):

What are your family's current rules?
What happens when the rules are broken?
What emotions are (and more importantly aren't) allowed to be expressed in the family? Think in particular about anger, aggression and affection.
Are there rules that are out-of-date?
What do the rules accomplish? Are they helpful?
Who makes the rules?
Are the family members allowed to ask for changes to the rules?
Where do the rules come from? Books, friends or the families in which the parents grew up?

If you dig a little deeper and get past the obvious, easy-to-find rules, you will start to see some less-obvious, hidden rules involving the family member's freedom to comment.

What are you allowed to comment on?
Are you allowed to comment on what is, or what ought to be?
Can you express all your emotions freely? Fear, helplessness, anger, need for comfort, loneliness, tenderness, or aggression?
Are you allowed to disagree with another family member?
Are there subjects that must never be raised?
Are there things that have happened that must never be mentioned again?
Can you comment if one of the parents breaks a rule?

As a mother how do you react to expressions of anger from your children? Do you accept their expressions of affection? How willing are you to answer your child's questions about topics such as sex, childbirth, menstruation and drugs?
So check out the rules you have in your family, or if you're just starting out on your journey as a young family then take a look at the rules that you may be automatically bringing with you to your new family.

Are they rules that are suitable for who you all are today? Too often we justify our rules by saying that 'that's how my mother did it and it suited me fine'.

But in order for all the family members to grow and flourish the rules must be consciously made taking into consideration the individuals' needs and characteristics.

Ideally the rules need to be:

open and not hidden, able to be talked about
human (not impossible to keep)
up-to-date (which means they will be flexible and change with time.

2. Family Roles

Through roles the family members are classified according to their characteristics. These roles define the individual to himself and others and define expectations. What roles immediately come to mind?

Provider
Housewife
Cleaner
Cook
Chauffeur

These are the formal roles and can be defined as 'who does what', and are essential for keeping the system working in its day-to-day running.
Who does the housekeeping?
Who makes the money?
Who takes care of the kids?
Who is in charge of the discipline?

Someone has to take on each of these roles otherwise chaos would break out!

Then there are the informal roles:

the conventional one
the successful one
the 'middle' child
the clown
the rebel
the attractive one
the smart one
the trouble-maker
family purse
handyman
childish parent
family leader
spokesperson
martyr
parental child
scapegoat
butt of jokes
achiever
jester
dependent
the guilty party
dominant

I'm sure you have many of your own examples. Maybe you took on one of these roles yourself in the family in which you grew up.

Maybe you can still feel the anger at the different roles you and your siblings were given and the different way in which you were subsequently treated.

With every role there is a price to pay.
Maybe you or a member of your family feels like s/he has to conform to the expected characteristic and is not be able to be anything else. (This is known in psychology as the 'self-fulfilling prophecy'. It is like when little Barnaby hears his mother say 'he's always so clumsy' and then, guess what, he ends up doing things clumsily).

Every individual has a large store of chacteristics, but when we put inflexible roles on the family members, then we end up only relating to one or a few traits, not all of them. This prevents the healthy development of the individual but creates stability and security in the family. It is said that our character is created more by these stigmas than genetics.

The dividing up of roles in the family is a normal process but problems arise when they become rigid and inflexible. When roles are unsuitable to the age, sex and individual characteristics of the child then they become rigid and unhealthy. So you can see that the placement of unsuitable roles on a child can end up making him or her actually ill.

To take it one step further, there can often be one or more members of such a troubled family who are what is known in psycholgy as the I.P. (Identified Patient). The I.P. takes on the symptons of all the family problems. These can appear as asthma, migraines, dyslexia,...and saves the family from having to cope with the changes that it would have to undergo in order to become healthy itself.

To change often means to create discomfort in the family and it would prefer for only one member to feel that discomfort.
Whenever my children are showing signs of difficulties at school, or may be making themselves ill in any way, showing symptoms that may be psychosomatic (e.g. stomach aches), I try initially to look at myself and my relationship with my husband and try to see how any difficulties the two of us may be having could be affecting our child.

Another role that has not yet been mentioned is the Ruler.
Who has power in the family?
Is the family a democracy or is it more like a dictatorship?
Sometimes there is a significant figure in the extended family, an elderly grandparent, who may control the family via 'remote control'.
Remember - nothing can be changed until it is brought into our awareness and named.

Next time you find yourself saying or thinking about one of your children that they are so...(fill in the derogatory remark), try to find someway to show that the opposite is true. For example, if Theresa always leaves her bedroom in a mess then begin to notice and point out little ways in which she is tidy; 'thank you for putting your dinner plate neatly by the sink', or 'I love the way you leave your shoes tidily by the wall when you come in,'... You get the idea.

Let us agree, as smart women of the 21st century who are aware that this life is a spiritual journey, to see our children as the wondrous souls that they are. Full of a multitude of different seeds that can potentially grow into whatever they choose. Let us stand in awe as they continue to show us new facets to their personalities, new skills that they acquire, constantly changing and growing, and let them remind us how we too can constantly develop and look to the new. Let us not limit them in any way, so that we may see in them the beacon of hope that will light the way on our journey towards our limitless potential.

3. Family Structure

Take a look at the family in which you grew up.

Who was at the centre of the family unit?
Was the relationship strong?
Which family relationships were especially strong, which were problematic? What were the relationships like with deceased family members?
How did the siblings get along?

The family structure is the difference between a sick and a healthy family.
A healthy family will have healthy limits between the family and the outside; between the family members; and between the family groups (the parents and the children).

A particularly strong relationship is a 'coalition'.
Coalitions within the family affect the solidarity of the 'parental system'. This basically means that the parents' relationship should be stronger than any relationship they have with the children. It should not be undermined by another relationship within the family, if the family is to be healthy and supportive.

When the parental system is not clear, intimate and healthy, the whole system becomes unhealthy. In order to lessen conflict among the parents, it is directed towards the child who is attacked. This reduces the threat to the spouse system, but is very stressful for the child. As a result, the child is also taken out of the sibling system.

While this means that the child is awarded a special position in the family and receives special attention from one of the parents, s/he loses out on being part of a sibling coalition. Children need to be allowed access to both parents but excluded from the spouse intimacy and functions. In order for the child system to be cohesive, their loyalty must lie with one another and not with one of the parents.

For example, if the older brother is constantly being the father's 'spy' and getting his brothers in trouble, while it may be very useful for the father and they may enjoy a 'special relationship', the son will miss out on his relations with his brothers and the family as a whole will be unhealthy.

What this all goes to show us is that the strength of our relationship with our partner really is of utmost importance to our children's well-being.

It is so easy as a mother just to lose ourselves in the role and in our children. They give us so much and make us feel so fulfilled.

But we really do need to nurture our relationship with our beloved as we would a young child.

And who knows how to do that better than us mothers..?

4. Communication

The reasons that we use unhealthy comunication are:

Low self-esteem
Fearing hurting another's feelings
Worrying about retaliation from the other
Fearing rupture of the relationship
Not wanting to impose
Not attaching significance to the person or the interaction itself.

A typical unhealthy type of communication is the DOUBLE MEANING.
The listener is offered two meanings that contradict themselves and cannot win. Often the example being set is in exact opposition to the lesson being taught. 'Don't shout at your brother!' (said shouting).

There can also be OBSCURITY in communication.
This is similar to double meanings in that it confuses, but there are no contradictions. Feelings become blurred. The result is a crisis; the child is not able to trust either the parent or her own feelings. The child's feelings are ignored and there is no empathy. This leads to misundersstanding, confusion and low self-esteem.

What types of communication did your parents use with you that you may have adopted? (These communication patterns are from Virginia Satir's model outlined in her book The New Peoplemaking )

Placating - so the other person won't get mad ('Yes,dear. I'm sure you're right, dear.')
Blaming - so the other person will see you as strong ('Why did you do that? Can't you do anything right?)
Computing - an unemotional way of dealing with a threat as though it were harmless, and a way to raise self-worth by using big words ('I apologise. I seem to have inadvertently struck your arm.')
Distracting - so you ignore the threat, behaving as though it were not there, hoping that maybe it will go away ('Oh well, cup of tea anyone?)

Recognise any of them? It's easy to recognise them in others. Who's brave enough to try to recognise how they use these themselves!

- We are taught to placate by society's attitude that we should not impose. It's selfish to ask for things for yourself.

- We are taught to blame by the attitude that we should not let anyone put us down or be a coward.

- We are taught to distract by the attitude that we should not be so serious, live it up, have a bit of fun.

In all these patterns of communication the truth is not being told and feelings are being ignored.

Leveling - In this healthy, flowing communication relationships are easy, free and honest. Self-esteem is in little danger. This is the healing response. Basically you mean what you say. You may be criticising and evaluating, but you are talking about the act not the person. You are not blaming and you are possibly offering a new idea or suggestion. You may be lecturing or giving directions, but you are still showing your feelings, not talking like a machine. There may be times when you need to change the subject, but you are able with the leveling response to state your needs clearly. With this response the words match the face and body language as well as the underlying feeling. This is the communication of the truth of the person at the time. The person is open and honest and you know where you stand with him/her .

When kids act out it is because they are not feeling good. The way we can help them to feel right is to accept their feelings. We do that through our communication.

Our children always tell us very plainly and obviously what they are feeling. Often we are not willing to accept their feelings about certain things.

It threatens our self-esteem.

But it really is so simple just to act as a mirror for what they are feeling and thus leave their self-esteem intact and prevent bad feeling from festering.

For more information on healthy communication with your children I highly recommend How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlisch. This is a very practical manual and offers set sentences to entice your kids to talk to you.

And it really works.

(When you remember to use it!).

The good news about communication is that it is a learned skill and can therefore be changed. We can build on and improve the model handed down to us by our parents or caregivers.

Why is it so important to give our children a healthy model of communication?

Because communication is what determines what kinds of relationships our children make with others and what happens to them in the world about them.

Now if you need a reason to go and work on yourself, I can't think of a better one than that!

Once you have looked over the dynamics of the family you grew up in you will be more able to look at the way you are interacting in your family today, and plan for the family you want to be in the future.

We are not blaming. We are evaluating so that we can get a little closer to our personal truths.

Remember - the truth will set you free!

What to Tell Your Child About Using the Internet

2009-10-18T02:30:00.000-07:00

Let your child know:

I want you to come to me if you come across anything online that makes you uncomfortable
Don't use public chat rooms
Don't talk to strangers (applies to the internet just like in 'real life')
Don't give out any personal info. (come to ask me first)

Porn is not reality
Porn is fantasy, mainly men's fantasy about women.
Porn is (often) violent images of girls.
Porn is a business
Porn is degrading
Porn is actors playing a role
Porn is not love
Porn shows acts that kids should not be doing - most adults don't do them
Porn is addictive
Porn does not show what a close loving relationship looks like

True loving sex is:

affection
attention
being heard
feeling
belonging
give & take
ups & downs

Why aren't I a better Mum?

2009-10-16T05:07:00.000-07:00

Not living up to your own expectations as a mum?

Remember that you are a spiritual being having a human experience. This, by definition, means that we are constantly being presented with problems to confront and solve - for us as mums and also for our children. The human experience means constant growth and leaning.

"If only we were perfect parents - life would be so much easier for our children!"

Us mums think of the problems we had with our own parents and immediately want to save our children from having any difficulties or conflicts with us. We think that we create problems for our children by our imperfections; by the way we react to them, by the things we say which may unintentionally (or intentionally) put them down, by the way we miss opportunities to say something nice and uplift them, in the ways we disrespect them, interfere in their relationships with their siblings...

OK - maybe not perfect parents, but it would be nice if me and my partner could be on the same parenting page!

If this is the case for you remember that, for your child, being between two very different and contrasting people is a wonderful opportunity to check out the two opposite ways of being in the world and to choose between them, and eventually to embrace the seeming dychotomy and to find her own unique way of being in the world.

This process is long and can be painful but this is the process of becoming who we really are and for many of us it may take a lifetime.

But this is what life is really about.

It is not something to run away from or to save someone from.

This is what were here for - to experience being human - with all the imperfections and all the sturggles.

Once we realise it's ok we can stop pushing against it, being at war with it and see the brilliance and beauty of it.

Then we can lift our heads out of the feelings of self-disappointment and guilt that tend to hang around us like a layer of dark cloud and start to see the sun above.

From this clear viewpoint you can let your child know that this searching, this self-inquiry is a part of life and that you have every faith that she will find her way. Let her know that you trust her abilities and strengths - just as you have always trusted your own.

Know your intentions for your kids

2009-10-14T10:53:00.000-07:00

Conscious parenting is all about intentionality. Acting with a purpose instead of simply reacting.

What do you want your kids to know about life and about themselves?

Do you know?

Write them down and put them somewhere you'll see them often.

Then you can mother everyday more consciously.

As you go about your daily life your intentions towards you kids will be foremost in your mind and will affect how you act and react with them.

A few ideas might be:

My intention is to help you:

Know that life is a journey to finding out who you really are
Expect to fall them get up again
Listen to all your emotions then choose how to act, not react
To know your inner power as well as your outer power
Be true to your heart
Listen to your intuition
Know that the end is just the beginning of something else

My intention as your parent is:

To act in a way that makes you feel that you can always come and talk to me and know that you will be heard
To see you for who you really are - not who I expect to see, who others see or the role you play in the family
To listen more and learn from you
To let you make mistakes and thus learn life's most important lessons

Always keep in mind that whilst you have a dream for your child, the universe also has a dream for her.

You may have to let your child travel a path that you as yet cannot even see.
But if you allow her the freedom, she will find her way.

Discipline

2009-10-13T01:31:00.000-07:00

Discipline, 'disciplinus', means learner, a disciple.

Your child is your disciple and you must be a leader worthy to be followed.

The goal in disciplining your child is for him or her to learn self-discipline in order to have a happy, productive adult life.

Our children's ability to direct themselves strengthens as they grow and they begin to internalise the discipline they learned when they were small.

Now, us mothers are only human, we make mistakes, we are learning how to parent and we have unresolved issues from our past.

However, this does not resolve us of responsibility for our actions. We are also responsible for our own growth.

We are responsible for becoming more and more aware and conscious so that our actions are more and more conscious and we react less and less unconsciously when we deal with our children.

Do not expect the child to get the lesson first time. Expect to have to patiently repeat the lesson over and over.

Learning self-control and how to make good choices is a process. Have patience with your children.

Let them know that you trust that they will make better choices as they grow.
Talk to the kids about 'poor choices' and 'inappropriate behaviour'.

Do you want her to be full of anger?
No, then you need to love her even when she doesn't love up to your expectations.

"You might adore your daughter when she's behaving properly, but it's how you treat her when she's misbehaving that reveals your compassion or lack of it." - Naomi Aldort.

In order to give unconditional love you must first feel comfortable about yourself so that you are able to control your anxiety and behaviour.

Let your child express his anger though, then it doesn't get forced down into passive-aggressive behaviour.

Affirmations:

I trust that my child will make better choices as she grows
My child is already making better choices
I take responsibility for the way I treat my child
I learn from my mistakes
I am learning how to be the best mother I can be
I am responsible for my own growth
I am the best mother I can be right now
As I learn more I do better

Accepting all Parts of your Kids

2009-10-12T02:09:00.000-07:00

When we as parents try to prevent our children from expressing who they are in the fullness of their being we kill off a part of their spirit. For they are born to be who they are - they cannot be anything else - and who are we to decide which parts are ok and which are not. Our job is to look to our children to see how we can be a little more of who we truly are, after years of putting up walls and growing layers to cover our true centre. Let them show us the way and let us accept all the parts of our children.

The secret to welcoming all your children's traits is, of course, by accepting all parts of yourself.

As I look into myself I find that all the characteristics of my children I have in me - both the endearing and the annoying.

Those characteristics that you dislike in yourself you will consequently dislike in your child.

Instead of just projecting onto your child deal with it in yourself, or better still accept it and see its good qualities and aspects.

You can do this by re-wording your self-talk.

'My daughter is so bossy', becomes 'My daughter is a leader who knows what she wants out of life'.
'My son is so quiet. He let's everyone walk over him' becomes 'My son has such serenity and inner calm. I'm sure others will be able to learn from him.'

As you begin to see your child differently your behaviour towards them will change.

If there is some sort of behaviour we want to change in ourselves, first we need to name it and accept it. Then we can watch it change as, through our becoming more conscious, we grow beyond that particular behaviour or way of being in the world.

Our children simply want us to love them exactly as they are.

Love who your child is.

_____________________________________________

Let your child be “who she is without being held back by your past, by your anxiety about the future, or by your concern about what others may say about you as a parent.”
- Naomi Aldort

“Responding with wisdom and love occurs when we are completely present and free of old mind chatter. Love can only be experienced in the present.”
-Naomi Aldort

“Nothing you become will disappoint me; I have no preconception that I’d like to see you be or do. I have no desire to foresee you, only to discover you. You cannot disappoint me.”
- Mary Haskell

How to Have More Time and Money

2009-10-09T01:42:00.000-07:00

Well, not exactly more money and time, but more of what you would do and have with more money and time.

With little kids, you probably say to yourself 'When I have more time I will...'

Write a list of what you will do when you have the time.
Write a list of what you will do when you have the money.

Now see if there's not one or two things on those lists that you can somehow incorporate into your life today.

How rich we all truly are!

This is just a small piece of the magic that all us mums know how to cast. We can bring into our lives whatever we call on.

And often what we need to make our dreams come true is closer at hand than we first imagine.

Walking as Meditation

2009-10-08T01:34:00.000-07:00

Need to have a few minutes where everything just stops?

Kids don't give you a moment's peace?

There is a simple way to recharge batteries and begin to feel again that inner glow.

Pop your little one in her buggy and stride out into nature!

In Nature your child is entertained while you can yet again bring your focus back to the present moment and lift your head to see the wider view. Like any meditation, walking will bring you into the now as you start to notice the breeze, the birds, your breath...

Walking in Nature will start your creative juices flowing. Inspirational ideas will come, whether it's what to cook for supper, a fun art project with your child, the first line of your bestseller, or an idea for a web site. Blog ideas, book ideas, business ideas, ideas of what the children need from you - they'll all start flooding in. If possible take a pen and paper with you on your walk to write down the ideas that come. At home write them in book of thoughts to keep for that magical day when you will have the time to begin turning those thoughts into actions.

While walking, once the chatter and the voices in the head quieten down you will begin to hear a different voice after a while, the true voice underneath all the day's noise. This is your authentic voice calling you and you will begin to feel more alive and connected than ever.

Have a good trip!

How to Live More Authentically

2009-10-07T01:49:00.000-07:00

How can you have a more authentic life as a woman who is also a mother?

During this phase of life when we are called on to look to the needs of others on a constant basis, the way to answer the authentic callings of your heart is to incorporate them into your life 'little and often'.

Whether it's yoga or some other form of exercise, meditation or some other sort of spiritual practice, money, gardening, giving,

Live a more balanced life by allowing yourself a little of what you love. Restore sanity and feel fulfilled every day.

Enjoy the life you are leading NOW, instead of waiting for some fantasy future.

If you've been doing this mothering thing for so long now you can't remember what makes you happy then start to keep a gratitude journal (at the end of the day write down 5 things for which you are grateful from that day) or write a Happy List to be updated regularly. Get back in touch with those things that make you feel most alive.

'Perhaps if one really knew when one was happy one would know the things that were necessary for one's life.' - Joanna Field.

The Benefits of Yoga for Mums

2009-10-06T11:59:00.000-07:00

Physically and mentally, yoga is about relaxing. It's gentle asanas stretch and elongate muscles.

I did sport for years. With regular sport, ,muscles get big and bulky

Yoga does not feel like hard work. That does not mean that you do not sweat and your heart will not pump.

But the main draw for me while my children were small was that the world stopped for an hour or so. The constant demands and talking and noise, the being pulled in all directions all stopped for a while.

Suddenly it all went quiet. No one was pulling me or touching me, all I had to do was copy the instructor and BREATHE!

And at the end I got to lie still and relax. Sometime the teacher would even cover us up with a sheet like a child. This would often bring tears to my eyes or at least a wide, uncontrollable smile.

As mothers we need mothering .

I hope in a small way this site will do that for you.

3 Ways To Be Present With Kids

2009-10-05T06:23:00.000-07:00

Yet another boring day with the kids? Wondering how you're going to get through the next 8 hours?

These 'boring' days are the days you are being asked to get creative!

Remember that this 'thing' you're doing - being at home all day with little kids - it's not just you slobbing around the house for yet another long day with nothing much in particular to do. This is your Higher Calling. This is the work of Spirit.

On those days when you find yourself frustrated because you have to be 24/7 with the kids and you don't get time for you and your stuff, then make it your stuff.

There is no better spiritual practice than being 100% present with your child.

There is a quote that says 'God couldn't be everywhere at once so he invented mothers'. It is a sacred job you undertake, though some days it feels far from it.

So challenge yourself on these days just to be present in all your activities with your children - it's not as hard as it sounds. From moment to moment living in the Now. This is the truest portal to happiness and enlightenment.

3 ideas for ways to challenge yourself and start working out your spiritual muscle are:

Noticing the little things that your kids do that knock you off balance and upset you, when you begin to react instead of acting from your peaceful core. The challenge is: what could you possibly do or say that could bring me anger?

Saying 'yes' as much as possible (without endangering the child's health or safety!). It's easy to get into the habit of continually saying 'no' or limiting the child's choices because you're working on autopilot. Really listen to what your child is asking - maybe going with the child's flow will be fun and open you up to new experiences.

Challenge yourself from minute to minute to see the abundance that the day brings you, instead of the lack.

Now that sounds like a great day to me! A day of growth for you and a day of having a fun, attentive and relaxed mother for your child...

Giving yourself the gift of health

2009-10-01T11:48:00.000-07:00

If you do not take time for yourself to give yourself joy and self-care your well will run dry and you will have nothing left to give.

Breastfeeding acts as a great analogy for us mums. When you breastfeed your child you give from the very essence of who you are. When you are rested and nourished you have the best quality milk for your child.

In life as when breastfeeding you must believe you have something to give.

When you believe you have something of worth to give and you have taken the time to love and care for yourself, then those who come into contact with you, most importantly your children, will feel the benefits.

Fill yourself up with:

exercise - something you love (swimming, walks in nature, yoga, trampolining...)

meditation - just taking a few minutes to concentrate on your breathing or giving your undivided attention to one thing (a candle's flame, a leaf falling, your child...)

sex - in a state of relaxation and surrender

The state we reach in these activities is the same state reached through sugar, drugs and other 'highs'.

When we allow ourselves to relax and give ourselves joy we give ourselves health.

It really is that simple.

I don't know about you, but I would like to be around long enough to see my children grow and be whole and healthy enough to be active in their upbringing.

You can begin easily by just taking a couple of minutes when you wake in the morning and smiling into your heart.

See what comes up -

What do you feel passion and desire for?
What do you really feel like doing today?

If you continually act and do stuff just so you don't feel guilty you will end up with heart ache and physical heart pains - give from the heart what feels good in your heart and the milk of human kindness will overflow...

Financial Serenity

2009-09-24T00:52:00.000-07:00

If you are an at-home mum trying to met the challenge of living off one salary, or even if you're working but still finding it hard with all the child care costs to make ends meet, you need to reach out for some financial serenity.

Financial Security

Financial security is a great thing to have - a nice umbrella of savings for those 'rainy days'. Suze Orman recommends having 8 months worth of expenses behind you to tie you over if unseen circumstances mean that your income suddenly drops. Once you've done that then you can start saving for a sunny day.

But like most families with young children, and particularly if you have recently bought a house in which to house those children, and a car to drive those children around, and activities to enrich the lives of those children...you may find that you are having to dip into those funds just to get by in what must be the most expensive period in your life.

Financial Serenity

Financial serenity is two-fold.

1/ Blessing your money.

Begin by blessing your current circumstances, whatever they are.

Look around your life, your family, your house at all that you have remembering that you are amongst the small percentage of the world that has a roof over your head, food on the table and education for your children, not to mention the car, the wardrobe, the mobile, the i-pod, the jewels...

Allow an attitude of gratitude to pervade your perception. How rich we all are.

Notice the money miracle that occurs every time you are in a tight spot financially and 'somehow' manage to find your way out of it - but only every time.

When you receive some money say 'thank you' to the true source of all our abundance.

2/ Healing your relationship with money.

Begin by being honest with yourself about your present financial standing. Do not allow fear to prevent you from taking a clear look at your bank balance, your income and your expenses.

Spend less that you earn - Money is not empowered by wishful thinking or acting “as if.” Acting as if you already have the money to pay for the things that you want when in actuality you do not, is one way to get yourself quickly in debt. This is how credit card companies work and what led to the Credit Crunch. One way in which acting 'as if' with money does work is acting 'as if' you are rich emotionally, and this is what gratitude does for us. If we are grateful and appreciate all that we have - (good mantra: 'I want what I have') - then we feel blessed and contented, what we have is enough, and our outer circumstances rise up to meet that higher vibration.

Do what you need to do to either lower your expenses, raise your income or both

There is a force in the world that gives us what we need. Trust it.

Visualize yourself sitting serenely at your desk every month, and gratefully paying the bills for all the wonderful facilities you get to use, saying a 'thank you' in your heart for the people who work hard to allow you your (relatively) luxurious lifestyle.

Consider giving away a percentage of your income each month to a charity or some other source of spiritual inspiration. The traditional act of tithing dictates giving away 10%, but if this is not possible for you at this time consider this. Money is energy and you are its steward. How will you spend that which is given you and pass it on in a mindful way for the good of all?

"God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference."

May you be prepared for those inevitable financial hiccups that you wish you could change but cannot, be courageous in the face of challenges where action is called for and smart enough to know that whatever the circumstance: All is Well.

Affirmations to help raise your Financial Vibration

(Based on the work of Esther Hicks - to be read through from beginning to end)

I'm not doing badly

I actually do live very well

I have a sense of pride about the things I've accomplished

I've made good decisions

If I look at the overall picture, I realize it has been steadily improving

When I look how far I've come, I see tremendous improvement

I'll figure this out. I'm actually quite good at figuring things out

I'm standing by for inspiration

Meanwhile, I'm doing alright

It's actually quite pleasant to anticipate expansion

Sometimes I get a sense of a very bright future

I have so muhc life and opportunity ahead of me

It will be fun to watch this all play out

Girls and Their Body Image

2009-09-09T02:11:00.000-07:00

I suppose I knew it would come. The time when my daughter would start worrying about how she looks.

My 11 year old has recently started coming up to me, standing sideways, one hand behind her back and one on her tummy to show me exactly where I should be looking, asking me 'Am I fat or thin?'

After I sigh and groan and say a silent 'thank you' that she feels so free to talk to me about her issues I explain to her (yet again) that she is neither fat not thin but something inbetween - that she has a slim, strong and healthy body.

My reply does not seem to suffice - 'No, am I fat or thin?'. Apparently I have to choose one or the other. I feel that a lecture here on shades of grey would be out of place and answer 'thin'.

Et voila - one happy bunny!

Us mums have to combat negative influences in so many areas of our children's lives these days but our girls' body image must be one of the biggest.

Walking the Walk

Firstly us mums have to be a good role model for healthy living if we want our girls to follow suit.

Never talk about, or go on, a diet - always focus and talk about healthy eating

Enjoy your food

Allow yourself the occasional snacks and cakes absolutely guilt-free

Keep yourself fit and healthy with some form of exercise (I walk several times a week and take yoga classes).

One day my daughter asked me 'were you thinner or fatter than me when you were my age?'. 'Oh, I definitely wasn't thinner' was my reply. 'Oh good, then I'll be ok because you and I are similar and you look pretty good.' ! Just as I was beginning to feel a real 'mum', approaching my forties and feeling the generation gap, that was a real compliment coming from my young daughter who, like all girls her age, knows a thing or two about what looks good and what doesn't.

Talking the Talk

I thank the stars that my daughter and I often have little 'heart to hearts'. It acts as a sign to me that I'm doing something right (after all - us mums don't get too much positive feedback).

These are the messages I tell my daughter. Maybe they'll be useful for you too:

Your body is healthy and strong

Your body is a gift
Look at the amazing things your body can do without us even knowing it - it heals scratches, it is constantly breathing, fights off germs, takes the nutrients it needs from the food we eat, as well as being able to create a new life when you have a baby

Look at what your body allows you to do - your legs allow you to move, dance, swim, climb trees, jump and run, your arms let you hug, your eyes help you see and your ears aid you in hearing.

I try to be aware of moments when there is a chance to show how grateful we should be for our whole and healthy bodies - chances to see people who do not have fully functioning bodies like a programme on the television where someone is dealing with the challenge of an illness or disability or someone we know who is dealing with a similar challenge.

Pick out special little things that make your daughter unique - 'I love your cute freckles, I love the way your eyes sparkle, I love your shiny hair, your beautiful smile...After hearing it enough times your daughter will internalise it and start to believe it herself.

The influence of our daughters' peers at school is very strong, so we have to make sure that our voice is not only louder but more important to them. That comes by walking the walk and showing them what a healthy strong body looks like, and by talking the talk of positivity and truth; the truth of the miracle of their amazing bodies and the truth of their beauty.

For true beauty comes not from their size but from their inner light, their inner beauty. And all our girls' beauty is about who they are within their hearts.

May the lights in the hearts of all our young girls shine brightly.

Affirmations for mums and their daughters

My opinion of myself is the only one that counts

I love every inch of my wonderful body

I treat my body with kindness

I am blessed with the miracle of a healthy, mobile body

My body allows me to express who I am within

I treat my body with respect

I exercise and nurture my body

I love my body exactly as it is right now.

How to Strengthen your Kids in the Face of Difficulties

2009-08-26T00:39:00.000-07:00

"Mum, if I tell you something will you promise not to be angry?"

How I love it when my daughter comes to me with this question!
I know immediately what this means. My daughter is so smart and is engaging the Empathetic Mum in me.

So I flick the switch from Punishing to Understanding. It is always such a relief to be given permission to switch off 'The Punisher'.

I know that before me lies an opportunity. An opportunity to engage, to bond, to listen, to help and also to learn. And yet it is the opportunity to be the sage, the wise woman that is so delicious and I cannot help but be pulled in.

What do I say? How do I react?

After all I want her to feel she can come to me about anything more than anything in the world. And I want to say the right thing and to send her away wiser, stronger, ready to face another similar situation and to walk away with her sense of power and personal truth still intact.

There are a number of things to remember when dealing with our children's social difficulties:

- No one is to blame for the situation.
- In any situation everyone has something to learn
- By saying 'poor you' you relieve your child of their responsibility for the situation and they learn nothing (apart from helplessness and taking on the victim role)
- By saying 'what you did was nasty' puts them on the defensive, weakens them and cuts you off from a deeper level of communication with your child. You also miss out on a teachable moment.

Name Calling

When my child comes to me and tells me that someone has been calling him names I like to strengthen my child by explaining to him that people are always going to say nasty things. Know that you are not what others think and say about you, neither the bad nor the good. Anything anyone says about you says more about the other person saying it than it does about you. And I may also ask him to think what he did to lead to and help create this situation. In this way he keeps in touch with his core, the truth of Who He Is, and he can learn to see a situation from all sides.

Problems Making Friends

Sometimes we see our children having to deal with problems that we had to deal with too when we were young. But we have to let them deal with it and stop identifying and feeling sorry. For example, a mother who had problems making friends when she was a child will find it very difficult if she has a child who has difficulties making friends and will find herself wanting to manipulate the environment or punish the offenders, but this attitude does little to strengthen the child. In fact I will go as far as to say that in this situation the mother rarely sees her child at all, just herself as a child. For if she really saw her child she would see a little person able to deal with his own problems, with the resources available within himself to deal with any situation. He just needs someone to remind him.

That someone is you.

- Remind your child that in order to make friends he has to be friendly
- Remind him of the friends he has made in the past and the friendly things he has done
- Remind him of the wonderful attributes he has that others love in him.
- Let him know that you trust him to work out a solution.
- Let him know that there is a quiet place deep within where he can find the solution to his own problems.

Just Wanting to be Heard

I have found that nearly every time my children come to me with a problem, they do not want me to find them a solution, they want to sort it out by themselves and they just want to have someone to tell, to be heard.

How wonderful to be able to enjoy such an open relationship and trust with our children. And how great for our children to know that they can come to us with their feelings and hurts and be able to unload.

It is this strong bond and relationship with the parent that strengthens them far more than our solving their problems for them.

Messages to Strengthen our Kids

I know you can sort this out
I know you have within you what you need to sort this out
I know you can sort this out in a kind and loving way
You are only responsible for yourself
You choose how to react in certain situations and to others
Talk directly with the person you have issue with
Don't always do what others tell you to do - think for yourself
Respect others and their property and apologise if you hurt someone's feelings
Everyone in life has something to teach you
Every situation is a learning experience for you
You cannot change what others say, do or think. Let them be who they are and love them anyhow.
We are all just doing our best.

About the author:

Becca Glouzstein is a stay-at-home mother of 3 fantastic children. Recently graduated after a 10 year course from the At-Home School of Mothering, specialising in raising small children. Presently completing a Post-Graduate course in 'Teaching What I have Learned' using a variety of media, including a website and children's books.

She is the founder of Inspiration for Mothers.com, the cyber-home of spiritual and personal development for mothers. She is also the writer and illustrator of several inspirational children's books (as yet unpublished).

INTENTIONS: To inspire mums to feel uplifted in their daily round. To remind children about the Truth of who they really are. To grow wiser as she grows older.

Magazine Article Published!

2009-07-22T00:33:00.000-07:00

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11:11 Magazine
July/ August 2009 Feature
Inspiring Our Children
By Becca Glouzstein
www.1111mag.com

Click on the magazine cover to read the article