National Coming Out Day

2012-10-11T10:37:00.001-07:00

"Gay brothers and sisters,... You must come out. Come out... to your parents... I know that it is hard and will hurt them but think about how they will hurt you in the voting booth! Come out to your relatives... come out to your friends... if indeed they are your friends. Come out to your neighbors... to your fellow workers... to the people who work where you eat and shop... come out only to the people you know, and who know you. Not to anyone else. But once and for all, break down the myths, destroy the lies and distortions. For your sake. For their sake. For the sake of the youngsters who are becoming scared by the votes from Dade to Eugene."

- Harvey Milk

N.C.O.D. (National Coming Out Day) is a double edged sword. Sure, as Harvey says, it helps break down the myths, BUT it's also a lot of pressure.

I understand this completely, but myself, I came out relatively late in life. I'm not even sure if "everyone" in my world knows, but I no longer hide who I am. Love me or leave me I guess.

Growing up in Montana, it's a large state with few people. A family structure is key there with relatives and friends alike. Rumors fly with abandon too. Not enough entertainment and too much time. Mom will contact me each week with the latest "gossip" about what 's going on with her friends and our extended family and what she's heard about my friends via the grape vine. It's just how it is. Too few people to distract others from being in your business. Now, I don't want to demonize that way of life. It's actually pretty cool. Being "neighborly" is a way of life. You help out when and where you can and the same is returned. There's honest concern and caring that happens in that environment you don't find in cities.

Given the loose nature of the gossip mill and the lack of things to keep you busy there though also tends to cause people to spend too much time speculating about others. Is she pregnant or just putting on weight? She looks skinny, is she dieting or on drugs or is her home life stressful? He's not married or has a girlfriend, is he getting over someone or gay? If you ask a group of people about someone, at least one will start their sentence with "Well, I heard...".

If you live in that sort of society long enough, you only want people to talk positive about you. You do what you have to do to keep yourself out of the mill. Sometimes that even means years of denial of happiness.

I had to leave that society before I could even truly acknowledge to myself who I really was. I knew from a very young age that I was gay. Yet, I felt pressured to stay within societal guidelines of who I should be and how I should act. I spent so much time trying to be what everyone else thought I should and pushed ME deep down inside. I just wanted to be liked. Honestly, I'm still pulling ME out of that hole. BUT, and it's a big one that doesn't apply to all, in my adult life I've never felt discriminated against because of who I am.

Coming out isn't just about telling people you love someone of the same sex. There's an honesty that you bring to yourself too. It's not always about breaking down other's walls, sometimes, it's about breaking down your own walls. You can't live with a defense mechanism for any length of time without finding security and safety in it. Coming out is about dropping that. It's about allowing yourself to be vulnerable. The fear of dropping that wall can be overwhelming. I still find myself on guard at times and I pay the price for that.

The counter point to that is that coming out is liberating. It frees you from your personal restraints. It allows you to move forward, at least in that part of your life. It allows people INTO your life vs pushing them away. It can allow you to forgive yourself. It can allow you to heal wounds you never knew you had.

Everybody struggles. The trick is how you deal with your own struggles. Quit worrying about everyone else. When you are ready, you are ready. It took me hitting an emotional bottom to realize that no matter what I did, I could only move up. I was sad, lonely, alone, and in denial. Now, I'm fairly happy, know I have great people who care about me because they too have been in my shoes, surrounded by loving people who let me know I'm not alone, and I'm honest with myself, even when I don't like what I have to say.

So, come out when you're ready. We're waiting patiently for you with open arms and open hearts!

I'm Packin!

2012-06-29T10:09:00.000-07:00

Today, I'm getting ready for the trip to San Francisco. Going up with the Ex for his birthday and we leave Saturday morning. We're driving to save some $ and he wants to hit the 101

and Hearst Castle on the way.

Apparently there's some street fair up in SF on Sunday and our friend John is taking us.

The ex found out this last Tuesday that he has the whole week off this next week, so our plans are up in the air for now. We were going to try to come home on the 4th of July, but now, we might not come until the 6th. Who knows, who cares! It's a road trip baby! Hope to run into Moby at least, if not more!

Guess What!?!

2012-06-24T10:54:00.001-07:00

I'm going on a trip next weekend.

I'll be in town for a few days. Staying in the Mission area.

Consider this your "heads up" SF!!

(Haven't been for 25 years!)

Just A Dude Talking About Life

National Coming Out Day

I'm Packin!

Guess What!?!