It’s simply time for a dance break! You read it right.  When you take your 15 minute bathroom and snack break use at least 3 of those minutes to dance.  Stick that ipod on and head to the bathroom if you need the privacy or just dance right there in the street.  You can get your groove on without the humping and grinding can’t you (I want you to have job when it’s over)?

And some of you are in charge and overwhelmed.  The meeting has ended and you have 3 more before the day is over.  Close the door and turn the music up right there in the office and just dance.    Break this thing up.  Re-ignite yourself by doing a little something different.  Have a little fun in the unexpected places.  And yes, as you know today’s humble suggestion is make like Michael and DANCE!!!  Just do it.  Sssshhh, no body has to know.  Well, that’s my simple, little reminder.  See you next week!

MizJAI…dancing!

It’s funny how we use a word that means – to break, pound, or grind into small fragments or powder, as the word for our budding affections and desires for another person.  Because, if it doesn’t go as  planned isn’t that how we feel – crushed, broken and pounded into small fragments of what could have been.  My little crush was the elementary mini-nightmare that would not quit as he flunked the first grade so many times that he took the class with both of my baby sisters and hit on each of them.   Time is a gift though.  She reveals the wisdom or the foolishness of our decisions.  And let’s face it, we have been known to be the “dumbest” when it comes to love or our interpretation of it.

We search for love outside of God and then wonder why it often falls a part. We sit there trying to “love“ each other without learning how the other person sees love without discovering the actions that show them real love without constantly growing in love. We use the same love tactics from our past and it creates the same mess we have always had. It’s difficult because most of us are kind people with great qualities and one area that keeps causing us a problem over and over again.

Maybe you are the ultimate gift giver but you find yourself desiring a man who is mainly impressed by your discipline and your drive . So, you shower him with gifts and trinkets and neglect yourself and your dreams. And it unravels and it seems like it should have worked but it didn’t because you were never speaking the same language. And so we’ve created one more messy relationship after another.

Well, I finally discovered that love is more than what I feel. Love has a certain nature and behavior that we can count on, and this reality makes discovering her and choosing her much easier. So yes, he makes you tingle on the inside and she makes you smile when you are trying to be cool but these other things should be present too or you are well advised to ”hold up a minute“ to see exactly what or who you are truly dealing with – Like, Luck, Lust, Lazy or Real Love.

4 Things To Look For When You Are Looking For An Outstanding Love (or 4 Things I Discovered by Watching My Mother & Reading the Word)

1. Look for patient endurance instead of anxiousness. Love stands the test of time and never gives up. There is a hope on the inside of love that simply cannot die. Love is strong instead of weak and wimpy. In fact, it’s strong enough to last. Love never fails or fades out or comes to an end. Real lasting love is uncommon in many relationships. It’s the journey and the reward for the ones who put the work in and it’s worth discovering and waiting and praying and preparing for.
2. Look for an uncommon kindness instead an easy rudeness and mean nature. Mean people eventually spread the hate to everyone around them, so be careful. Especially be aware of the passive aggressive because once angered or upset their payback can be very subtle, consistent and painful.
3. Look for humility instead of pride, arrogance, jealousy and envy. Be careful of the person that has that jealous bone. You never know when it will turn on you. You don’t want a relationship riddled with unhealthy competition.
4. Look for truth. In other words, look for that person who does what is right and is excited when the right things happen. This is when character shows up. Discover who this person really is under pressure. Are they truly kind, do they really love God, do they value people, etc. My mom says that dad always stood up for the underdog and that impressed her consistently, even during the tough times.

It’s easy to get swept away with romance and smooth talk. Shoot! Dating and weddings are fun, they are the party and excitement phases of the relationship (this I know). But marriage and abiding love and true understanding is a process with unimaginable rewards (so they tell me). As stated above, this is taken from my mother and 1 Cor 13: 4-8. Check it out for yourself.

Hope you enjoyed these little love lessons. See you next week for a simple remember that is simply exciting.

MizJAI…evaluating herself to make sure that she lives love

She stepped toward the edge of the board.  Knees numb, legs jumping, she wondered how she would do this.  But something in her felt that she could only do this.  No quitting, no going back…it was as if the only choice was to dive in.  She had been training and practicing on how to swim for months.  She knew she could swim, but still the “what ifs” flooded her mind and the height quivered her heart – that first dive was simply scary to her.  And yet, she kept moving toward the edge of the board.

Love can be like that, you can plan for your life, do all you need to do to have healing from what hurts you and make yourself as ready as possible for your tomorrows, and when its time to move forward you are simply afraid. That’s okay as long as you learn when to move forward regardless, and when to wait.  If you do plan on diving in to the love pool that is (and yes that was a little corny =;-D, but stay with me), then here are some other four letter words to watch out for because many of us have confused these simple words with love.  And others have thought that we could replace real love with these words.  And for some it appears to work temporarily.  But fake solutions have a way of leaking and breaking apart in irreparable ways.  Let’s check out these words so that we know exactly what we are dealing with and can make adjustments for the best of life, and that includes a real, lasting love from God and the people God has appointed to love you.  These five things are a collection of some of the words I have gathered from my mother’s little life lessons. I give them to you in my own words, but she is the inspiration behind them. My mom is a warrior for real fighting for her health, fighting for her children and fighting for a 35 year marriage that is both exciting and miraculous.

1. LIKE is good.  Like means you are interesting and I want your attention.  I want to watch you and get to know you.  It can be a lovely start of things but it’s not love it’s just the beginning.
2. LUCK can be exciting at first.  Luck is “I bumped into you and happened upon your affection.”  It’s perfect for Mr. & Mrs. Right Now.  But there comes a point that some actions must be taken on purpose.  The entire relationship cannot continue with luck as the driving force or we run the risk of ending up with Lazy.
3. LAZY just is.  Lazy says, “this is who I am and who I will always be.  If this gets you, good, if not, oh well.”  Lazy is what it is: just know what you are dealing with and adjust your heart accordingly.  Change and progress are a part of God’s best life for you, but trying to build a life with a person that fights those things will be a constant uphill climb.  And building a life where you are always laboring to change people into something that they don’t even want to be is difficult and painful.  Adults only change when they want to or have to.  Either way you need God for that to last  and not Eloise “I’m-going-to-make-him-perfect ” Jones or Donald “I-can-fix-her” Smith.  And let’s not forget a major player in this four letter word game, lust.
4. LUST says, “you’re cute and sexy and I want you…your body…you…I just want you.”  Lust doesn’t settle down until it has what it wants.  And it has nothing to do with love.  This emotion runs high and can get us caught up and messed up if we don’t call it what it is and have an accountability team to tell us the truth about what we are facing.
5. LOVE says, “I lifetime you and I have the track record to prove it.  I endure for you, I am patient for you, I seek the best for you, I forever you.”  Love simply lasts and lasts and outlasts it all.  More and more it is easy for me to see just how God is LOVE.  He forevers me, He lifetimes me, He endures for me.  Just know that love is so much more than what they tell us in the movies…keep searching God, yourself and life until you give and receive the best of it.

We have one more post in our little love series so I’ll see you next week the Four Things to Look For When You Are Searching For An Outstanding Love.  This list comes from the expert of all experts, so don’t miss it. In the meantime; Live more, Love more!

MizJAI…rediscovering the heart of love again

Yesterday, I purchased a new lunch box. I was so happy with myself to finally have something that reflects my style to carry my food in. It’s cute and chic (for a lunch box) and it can easily be mistaken for a handbag. I adore the little thing and find that it reminds me of my childhood when I received my very first lunch box. It was a lime-green, square case with the Care Bears all over the outside AND on the thermos. It made me so happy to carry my lunch to elementary school in that little box. And I was equally happy yesterday to carry my lunch to work in my little, grown-up box. So happy, in fact that I random shared this information with two strangers in the grocery store, and walked around my job with the bag in hand much longer than necessary. It’s funny the things that bring us joy on any level.

Simple pleasures truly do shape our lives beautiful, just like simple pains shape it into a heartache if we dwell there too long. Love is interesting because we keep looking for it outside of ourselves. I used to feel lonely all the time. The work day would end and there would be no calls waiting for me. I could give a 12 or 20 hour day for months and years (and I did) and there seemed to be no one to notice or care. My entire family was doing the same thing. And when we stopped to rest I always noticed the silence and my desire to have some one looking for me, noticing me, calling and checking for me. I thought there was no one. Outside of our world of work and service it seemed as if no one saw us (me), as if no one cared. We are community servants; it’s kind of a family trade. We give our lives to others for love. In fact, that’s what saved me. I remembered that we serve for the love of God and others. And in that memory I rediscovered the Golden rule (in my words): to give it away and it will come back to you the way you need it when you need it.

I am still a single woman but now I pick up the phone and call people who probably are not receiving calls at the end of their days. I connect and quit waiting and complaining because my life is happening right now and I might as well participate in it right now. I have been medicating my simple pains by focusing on others for years. In fact, some of those people that I called to love on have passed on and those conversations will live on as a gift that I keep closer and closer as the years go by.

I have learned the hard way that unaddressed heartaches lead to foolish decisions. So pay attention to yourself and the things that make you vulnerable and weak to bad ideas and wrong relationships because

1. The lies we tell ourselves are a block to real love.
2. Never having joys of our own is a weight to the people who (try to) love us.
3. Refusing to grow up and change for the better will get us the same type of relationships that we have always had and consequently the same type of heartaches, headaches (whatever you want to call it).

Love is so much more than romance. It’s also me wanting the best and my willingness to give the best to the people I say that I love. Let’s face it, “love” is the ready topic of every other movie and ready thought of every other single, unmarried individual over the age of 30, excuse me 27. We want love, this captivating all encompassing, us against the world kind of love with another person. And yes like we discovered earlier, hearts can get broken and hurt and that makes love risky and a little dirty, but many of us feel like it’s worth it. Well, I have collected (from the experts) a few tips for those of us who plan to dive in…so stay tuned

MizJAI…finding the love again

Love Interlude: He was breath-taking to her.  Moments in his presence often left her limp and longing for more of him.  She day-dreamed him into her life, wished him into her future.  She danced when she thought of him and something on the inside leaped every time.  All she knew was that she wanted him.  He could make her life wonderful, exciting, better than it was. Here’s a thought: “what did she think of before he came?”  Now, all she seemed to think or imagine was this strange kind of love talk.  He made her a little crazy, a little off balance, a little out of control.  Words rattled in her spirit, “I love you. Yes, I believe I do.”

It’s been said that love is a four letter word, yes, a little dirty, a little risky.  In it’s purest form LOVE is God (1 John 4:8).  In the English language, however, it can be a little confusing as we use the word love to describe our favorite movie and our favorite person in the same breath.  All the while meaning two different kinds of love.  In fact, the Greek language has at least 14 different words to exemplify the various forms of love, and English has one.  That is interesting.  Love is interesting.   That’s easy to see as it is the ready topic of every other movie and ready thought of every other single, unmarried individual over the age of 30.  We want love, this captivating all encompassing, us against the world kind of love with another individual. Some of us have spent a life time dreaming of it, hunting for it, being destroyed by misinterpretations of it, devastating others with our confusion about love.  And it’s still an amazing attention getter.  But I was taught that in all my getting to get understanding (PRO 4:7).  And that leads me to Tina Turner.  Remember her song from the 80s, What’s Love Got To Do With It?

It was one of my favorites growing up.  Her big hair, sassy walk and captivating voice had me singing and wondering, “Why is she saying this?”  One of her lyrics always grabbed my attention more than the rest: who needs a heart, when a heart can be broken? “I do“ I used to whisper to myself, ”I need a heart.“  Then, I learned more about her story of  violence in her marriage and I lived a story of my own and today her words make a lot more sense.  That’s where the risk and the dirt comes in – hearts can get broken, BUT I still whisper to myself, ”I need my heart.  Even though she can be broken, I need her.“  To live our best lives, risk will be required, but the cool thing about God is this: He gives us plenty of guidelines to help us avoid a mess again and again, if we simply pay attention (and believe me, I know it’s easier said than done sometimes).

I have learned something though.  People have been mishandled by other four letter words that they have masqueraded as love and people have been mistreated by others who heard the word on love but never finished the book.  In the next post, we’ll talk about these other four letter words and a little secret that makes this whole thing a little easier.

MizJAI…pondering the meaning of real love

1. Hook ups aren’t necessarily bad. All of us need one from time to time.  Some people just want to be helpful and they want to be known for helping others.  So they collect information and contacts, and they put the right people together at the right time.  Many times it’s a win-win outcome. BUT
2. Hook ups can be completely self-serving too.  Some people are simply barters, they trade one service or favor for another one.  That’s not bad, necessarily.  In fact bartering can be quite clever when done right.  I hook you up Monday morning with a paying gig.  You hook me up Friday night at the crowded hot spot in the city by becoming my guaranteed way in.  That’s cool, as long as the third person (you know the one coughing up all the money) “gets the hook up” too by receiving excellent service.  But self serving people don’t always think about everyone involved.
3. Bad hook ups can save you money in the beginning and cost you extra work, extra cash, extra stress in the end. This is the case when someone hooks you up with a company that does sloppy work or someone hooks you up with stolen goods. What if you work at a local store and all your friends have the “hook up” because you give them free items out of the store any time they want.  Well, your friends are happy because they get free goods.  And you seem to be pleased because now people fake like they care because you’ve purchased their affection with your “stolen goods.“  And the guy who actually owns the store, the one who paid the price to create the business, is loosing money.  I don’t think he feels hooked up, because it is his property to give or sale, not yours.  Stolen hook-ups always cost you in the end (eventually), especially when you’re trying to live as a man or woman of God because with God integrity is everything.

You know, Proverbs says that ”pureness of heart“ and grace in your communication shall cause the king to befriend you (PRO 22:11).  Now, that’s a real hook up: being connected to powerful people because of your integrity, discretion and conversation is the kind of connection that can stand the test of time.   A man being diligent in his work, puts him in the company of kings (PRO 22:29).   Since we all need a hook up from time to time, let’s be mindful of excellent and honest things.

MizJAI…life-styling for the King’s Company, you are welcomed to join me

I was that girl that just loved the action cartoons from my childhood.  Some of my favorites were Defenders of the Earth, Thunder Cats, and of course The Transformers.  Every time Optimus Prime’s voice came through the television something on the inside of me would leap.  He was the father figure for what was good and right on that show and he was always the voice of wisdom and the glue to their unity and teamwork (and he could kit butt too).  When I saw the modern day Transformers movie with Shia Labeouf as the leading character I was so excited to “hear” Optimus Prime’s voice after all these years that I leaped out of my seat with one hand in the air like i was ready for battle.  After I realized that only me and my youngest sister were standing up, I sat back down and dove into the movie.  But since that time I have been wondering about my own voice.

1. Am I living the kind of life, being the kind of example, speaking the kind of words that will stand the test of time?
2. Do I have a voice that draws a passionate and favorable response out of people?
3. Does what I do reach hearts and is it real and powerful enough to reach across time and still be relevant?  And if not,
4. What am I going to do about it?

Well, after all those questions, it occurred to me that with all that I am and all that I do, I could still do more, be more, and give more.  But it’s not just about me.

There are people who need what God has placed on the inside of us.  They will need us to show up in their lives for different reasons in different seasons.  In the meantime (because God will set up the appointment and not us) we can prepare so that we constantly bring the best of ourselves to the table. For example, we can stop destroying and ripping things apart by becoming better workers.  Besides the Word says, “he who is loose and slack in his work is brother to him who is a destroyer (PRO 18:9).”  And we choose to be builders and developers on purpose, shaping the world around us into something beautiful and powerful, finding problems that need to be solved by us and putting our heart and our best into it.  In fact, that’s how we become timeless, by showing up for other people in small, sincere and consistent ways.

Learn to be a Transformer, changing from the weaker you to the stronger you, moving away from the self-centered you to the giving and considerate you, adjusting from the “me first” you to the “what can I do to help?” you.  By giving, we become more than we ever were in the first place.  By giving more, we become more than we ever imagined we could be.  We are beautiful and there is more to us than meets the eye.

MizJAI…transforming into the rest of me

• that we stop rehearsing old habits, and stop being surprised when they produce the same old pain
• that we stop doing old things, living the same old way and expecting a new and different outcome when we haven’t done enough to change
• that we start striding outside of our comfort zone and learn to live and love in ways that we have never seen or imagined before

There is a better way of living with our names on it. Let’s dive in and see just what God has in store for you and me…

MizJAI…waking up to the best of life

I love driving back country roads with hills and curves and changing scenery.  I think it’s the impact of riding through the Asheville Mountains when I was a little girl “lost” on the open highway with my mother and two sisters.  We stopped to touch waterfalls and to daydream out loud.  For my mother the adventure was a requirement, and she birth that same desire on the inside of me.  Now, I look for the changes in life, even the scary ones.

In fact the need for change feels like a quiet rumble in my chest.  It’s a simple desire to create something new & alive, now; to shape something powerful into existence, now; to make impact, now; to live more than I have been living, right now; to captivate that best of me and change the world around me or at least to just change for the better, now.  Besides, the best version of ourselves, serves others far better than the left overs from over-extending, under-living, and ignoring dreams for new air and adventure.

It’s time to live more, right now!  I want to encourage you to take that curve and enjoy what you discover on the other side.  Find something simple, new and different in your world like a Zumba Aerobics Class, Salsa night on Saturdays, Painting in the Park, Photography Lessons, and/or a long beautiful ride that ends in a lakeside lunch.  Remember, adventure doesn’t have a price tag on it.  Many times the less expensive moments hold the more valuable memories.

MizJAI . . . getting ready for a new bend in the road, hoping you join me!

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,
all the King’s horses and
all the King’s men
couldn’t put Humpty back together again

He was an egg, and when eggs fall apart it seems impossible to get them back into shape. Well, the thing about us is that in a lot of ways we are equally as fragile with a hard outer shell that is far easier to crack than we like to admit. Which brings me to this: what happens in those moments when we do crack; in those situations that cause us to scatter and fall? What happens to us? Is the falling apart the end of the story? . . . It doesn’t have to be. In fact, if we handle it right it could be the beginning of something powerful.

When we discover fire in the cold, the value of that heat increases for us. When we find hope in the face of impossible heartache, then survival begins to mean something else altogether for us. When we discover strength in the wake of great weakness, then overcoming begins to take shape for us. Now, no matter what we face, with God we possess the ability to pull all the pieces back into place. In fact, in moments of true grief, great pain and overwhelming heartache we have this “opportunity” to become the beauty that emerges from ashes. We may have our frailties but we are not Humpty Dumpty. We have had great falls but we are strong enough to find hope.

Always remember that God gives beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, and the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness (Isa 61: 3).

MizJAI . . . wiping off the ashes and moving on to beauty