-Mike

Friendships that last over decades are a rare gift. There was much healing that went on in my heart while we were there. It was good to be real and be with real people who truly cared for us.

A couple of days before we left for our trip I made the decision to shut down my Facebook. I felt I needed to begin living real again with real friends in my life. That trip to Utah confirmed my decision. I know there are some good things about Facebook but it can’t replace the nourishment of the soul that time with friends provides. Facebook gave me the illusion I was keeping in contact with people but I wasn’t. Browsing through pictures is nice but it’s not keeping up with people. I actually have had some lovely phone conversations with friends who have moved away. Conversations about life and what God is doing in our lives. Talking about the gospel and loving one another through those conversations. I’ve also started making time to actually see my friends. To pray together and share our hearts with each other.

During the counseling I received while recovering from depression I was encouraged to read Steve Brown’s book A Scandalous Freedom.  In it he talked about wearing masks.  I learned I had been wearing masks for a very long time.  The mask of pleasing people, trying to be who I thought they wanted me to be,  and desperately wanting people to like me.  I lost who I was, who I am.  I’ve been trying to figure out just who I am.  Here is a quote from the book:

Life is real.  So when we go through life as actors and actresses, it may feel better and more comfortable for a while; but ultimately it isn’t better; and the comfort is false.  There is a great danger that life – real life – will pass us by and we’ll die, never having lived.  That would be sad in and of itself – but the masks we wear bind us to a role that kills the very freedom Christ would give his own.

The most important thing I’ve learned through this is my identity in Jesus.  Learning that he loves me, the me that’s a bit messy on the inside and not some cleaned-up masked version of me.  I am his beloved!  John 10 actually applies to me, yes me.  Why did I not believe this before?

I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for the sheep. (John 10:14-15, ESV)

Its been good for my soul, this learning to be real again and I’m thankful for the journey he is taking me on.

Blessings,

-Susan

 For friends who are depressed for no other reason than they are living with a graceless, gospel-less heart, keep them miserable until they rest in the finished work of your Son, Jesus. May they despair of their own unrighteousness and their wannabe righteousness, until they are driven to the righteousness that comes from faith in Jesus. It’s good to be miserable unto mercy.

I don’t know the cause of my depression but I do know the result – I came back to the gospel and my first love. I had become so wrapped up in doing more and doing it better to gain the acceptance of God and those around me that I forgot the message of the cross. The message that He is never disappointed with me. He never turns His face from me. I can never do anything to add to my salvation because it was paid for in full. I can never surprise Him with my sin. I can honestly say it was good to stay miserable unto mercy.

Here is the prayer. I hope you will read it and be encouraged if you are suffering right now. And if you aren’t suffering, perhaps you are like I was and had pat answers for those who do suffer, please read it and maybe gain a new perspective.

Scotty’s Prayer

Blessings,

Susan

http://www.samstorms.com/enjoying-god-blog/post/pastoral-bullies

Put bluntly, the American church today accepts grace in theory but denies it in practice. We say we believe that the fundamental structure of reality is grace, not works–but our lives refute our faith. By and large, the gospel of grace is neither proclaimed, understood, nor lived. Too many Christians are living in a house of fear and not in the house of love.

This certainly described me a few years ago. I talked about grace and the gospel, but they were buzz words void of power. They were things to say mostly because prominent Christian authors and speakers were saying them and shame on me if I fall behind or appear uninformed. On one hand, the gospel was faddish because I was eager to parrot what I was hearing to those around me but at the same time, I was being critical of those who spoke about it too much, or spoke of it as a present tense, relevant, and life-changing reality. I and others around me would never have put it the way Brennan did, but he’s right. That’s what happens when the gospel becomes little more than doctrine. It becomes powerless and misunderstood. You find yourself accepting grace in theory, but denying it in practice. Brennan continues:

Though the Scriptures insist on God’s initiative in the work of salvation–that by grace we are saved, that the Tremendous Lover has taken to the chase–our spirituality often starts with self, not God…We sweat through various spiritual exercises as if they were designed to produce a Christian Charles Atlas. Though lip service is paid to the gospel of grace, many Christians live as if only personal discipline and self-denial will mold the perfect me. The emphasis is on what I do rather than on what God is doing. In this curious process God is a benign old spectator in the bleachers who cheers when I show up for morning quiet time. Our eyes are not on God. At heart we are practicing Pelagians. We believe that we can pull ourselves up by our bootstraps–indeed, we can do it ourselves.

There can be a sharp and unbiblical distinction between how we think of our justification and how we view our sanctification. We can rightly believe that we are desperate for Jesus in our justification but that in our sanctification, we need Jesus less as we roll up our sleeves and get busy doing something for God with the wrong motives of magnifying self and impressing others. The Christian life can become a heavy burden that we can’t carry and as we work hard to keep up the facade that all is well, we can crash and burn. Our inadequacies catch up with us. Brennan put it this way:

Sooner or later we are confronted with the painful truth of our inadequacy and insufficiency. Our security is shattered and our bootstraps are cut. Once the fervor has passed, weakness and infidelity appear. We discover our inability to add even a single inch to our spiritual stature. Life takes on a joyless, empty quality. We begin to resemble the leading character in Eugene O’Neill’s play The Great God Brown: “Why am I afraid to dance, I who love music and rhythm and grace and song and laughter? Why am I afraid to live, I who love life and the beauty of flesh and the living colors of the earth and sky and sea? Why am I afraid to love, I who love love?”

When our emphasis is on ourselves and how we’re doing, life becomes joyless and empty. That’s what performance Christianity does. It robs you of your joy and joy itself becomes just another doctrine to embrace intellectually. When we crash and burn we have a choice to make. We can work harder at covering up our weaknesses and pretending we’re strong in ourselves, or we can confess our failures and weaknesses and throw ourselves onto grace in our brokenness. As Brennan rightly points out, viewing the Christian life as something that is about the Christian is a denial of the gospel of grace:

Something is radically wrong. Our huffing and puffing to impress God, our scrambling for brownie points, our thrashing about trying to fix ourselves while hiding our pettiness and wallowing in guilt are nauseating to God and are a flat out denial of the gospel of grace.

-Mike

Weakness is the Way by J. I. Packer from Crossway on Vimeo.

God is pleased to use us in our weakness and brokenness for his glory.

-Mike

Matt Chandler:

Does that mean I can’t be a believer or that God is somehow disappointed in me? Does it mean I just don’t understand the sovereignty of God in my life? NO, it does not. This is not something I can control and believe me, if there was some to-do list that would make it stop I’d be all over it. But there’s not. There’s not even the ability to read books, let alone the Bible.

Last weekend Rick Warren and his wife lost their precious son to suicide. I can’t even imagine their pain. I pray for them that the Holy Spirit would bring their hurting hearts comfort. I can understand the pain of the depressed person. The darkness that takes over, the thoughts that people would be better off without me around. The pain sometimes becomes so intense that my heart feels as though it is literally breaking. We made trips to the ER convinced that I was having a heart attack, only to be diagnosed with severe anxiety.

This is a topic that needs to be brought to light. The abuse of this topic, coupled with the abuse of those who are suffering, needs to be brought out and discussed. Ed Stetzer is tackling this topic on his blog at:

 http://www.edstetzer.com/2013/04/mental-illness-and-the-church.html

Please read all the stories and his follow-ups on this topic. As people who know the love of Jesus for us, we need to learn to love each other and show compassion, not just shout out our doctrines and beliefs on this topic. We are called to walk in love and kindness. Job’s friends were helpful only until they opened their mouths with their opinions. We must learn to sit with the brokenhearted, to pray for them and counsel them with compassion.

- Susan

Life in a fallen world is like attending the ultimate masquerade party. Impatient yelling wears the costume of a zeal for truth. Lust can masquerade as a love for beauty. Gossip does its evil work by living in the costume of concern and prayer. Craving for power and control wears the mask of biblical leadership. Fear of man gets dressed up as a servant heart. The pride of always being right masquerades as a love for biblical wisdom. Evil simply doesn’t present itself as evil, which is part of its draw. -Paul Tripp

I was going to write more here, but after re-reading Tripp’s words, I can’t really think of anything to add except to say thank you Jesus for rescuing grace!

-Mike

I couldn’t disagree more. The Christian life is messy. I’m messy and I need Someone outside of myself to love me in my messiness. Paul Tripp said it better than I can,

The Psalms are in the Bible to keep us honest about the brokenness of our world and the messiness of our faith.

Take a look at this short video by Tripp. I think you’ll be encouraged.

-Mike

Grace on paper only creates churches where Christians beat each other up with a clear conscience because their doctrine is right.

He continues,

When gospel doctrine and gospel culture converge in a church, that church become prophetic… Without the doctrines of grace the culture is weak. Without the [gospel] culture, the doctrines seem pointless. Even offensive and frustrating.

Boom!

-Mike

When it comes to experience, you will find the Gospel a rare guest but the Law a constant guest in your conscience.

That’s how we’re wired, isn’t it? We want to do something. We think we can fix ourselves and those around us. We want a rule, a list, guidelines, or some type of law to tell us what to do so that our conscience is relieved by the doing of the thing. We don’t naturally run to the gospel because the gospel doesn’t have a to-do list for us to keep. The gospel makes us uncomfortable because it presents us with a “done” list and tells us there’s nothing we can do to add to or take away from what’s already been done. Our minds are naturally hostile toward the gospel because each of us feels an innate need to earn what we get. This is true both prior to our conversion and after it. We’re thankful for the good news message of the gospel and it’s ability to get us into God’s kingdom, but then we marginalize it by thinking we now need to move beyond it. In our sanctification, our more natural tendency is to pursue law-keeping of some sort that will keep the gospel at bay in our conscience. We may never say it that way, but that’s what we do. We have a natural bent toward some kind of law and away from grace. That’s how we’re wired.

I remember leading a small group Bible study a number of years ago when I was in the throes of gospel-lite performance-ism and our text was James 2:8-13. Allow me to post it here:

8) If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing well. 9) But if you show partiality, you are committing sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors. 10) For whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become accountable for all of it. 11) For he who said, “Do not commit adultery,” also said, “Do not murder.” If you do not commit adultery but do murder, you have become a transgressor of the law. 12) So speak and so act as those who are to be judged under the law of liberty. 13) For judgment is without mercy to one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment.

Looking back, I remember that our entire time was spent discussing what laws we’re obligated to obey and which ones no longer matter. We spent the evening asking questions like, “Does the Law of Moses apply to us today?”, “Are we obligated to keep the Ten Commandments?”, and “What is the Law of Christ?” I suppose those can be good questions to ask, if we’re asking them with gospel-centered motives. But if we’re not, the results can be devastating. In this case, we were so focused on “what must we do?” that we missed the point of the passage and what Jesus would have us do. We never talked about impartiality and mercy that night. Nonetheless, I remember leaving feeling like the evening was a total success because I left with a list – obey these commands and don’t worry about those. I left gloating and proud with what I thought was a black and white set of rules to keep. I thought I had mastered that passage, now on to the next one! But by being so law focused – so oriented toward to-do lists and making sure I was right and that I looked all together on the outside, I had once again marginalized the gospel in my own life simply by ignoring it and thinking it irrelevant to my life post conversion. As Luther put it, law was a constant guest in my conscience while the gospel made rare appearances.

The gospel scares us because we’re wired to “get ‘er done” on our own. We consider the gospel and sanctification strange bedfellows and incompatible. We view the gospel as the power of God that saves us and gets us in the door but once we’re in, it’s up to us to continue. So we relegate the gospel to just another doctrine among doctrines and we file it away in case we ever need to defend it. We don’t think of it as the power of God for today (Titus 2:11-12). We don’t think of the gospel as today’s manna to supply the grace that we need today (Matt. 6:11-12). We marginalize the gospel with our lists of things to do apart from the gospel. We marginalize the gospel when we consider it anything less than of first importance in life today (1 Corinthians 15:3-11).

-Mike

And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience—among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. (Ephesians 2:1-9)

That’s way out of balance! And it’s way out of balance in our favor! Grace is never balanced. It’s always unbalanced and it’s given to those who are least deserving. We were dead in trespasses and sins until God poured out his grace and mercy on us through Jesus and his finished work on the cross. Grace is so far out of balance that when we were dead in sin and enemies of God (Romans 5:6), he made us alive together with Christ. Grace is God’s one-way unmerited love being dumped on us without restraint. It’s unbalanced in every way. Praise God for that because our condition was so bad and in ruin that and unbalanced assault of unconditional grace is the only thing that could (and can) fix us.

So the next time we’re tempted to think or say, “yes grace, but…” let’s stop and hear what we’re really saying. While we wouldn’t word it this way, what we’re really saying is that we want some measure of control because it’s in our old nature to think we have some measure of control. We call it balance, but it’s not balance. It’s self-centeredness that’s rooted in original sin and pulses through the veins of our old self. So when we say that grace must be balanced, we’re really saying that we want to be in control and have the final say. It’s bondage, not balance.

On the other hand, justice and wrath are balanced because in those, we get what we deserve. Lose yourself in saving grace today. Get out of balance and enjoy the freedom we’ve been given in the unbalanced one-way love that is ours in Christ. Be glad you’re not in control and enjoy the freedom that only grace can bring.

For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die—but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation. (Romans 5:6-11)

-Mike

Talk about sanctification is dangerous. It is too seductive for the old being. What seems to have happened in the tradition is that sanctification has been sharply distinguished from justification, and thus separated out as the part of the “salvationing” we are to do. God alone does the justifying simply by declaring the ungodly to be so, for Jesus’ sake. Most everyone is willing to concede that, at least in some fashion. But, of course, then comes the question: what happens next? Must not the justified live properly? Must not justification be safeguarded so it will not be abused? So sanctification enters the picture supposedly to rescue the good ship Salvation from shipwreck on the rocks of Grace Alone. Sanctification, it seems, is our part of the bargain. But, of course, once it is looked on that way, we must be careful not to undo God’s justifying act in Christ. So sanctification must be absolutely separated from justification. God, it seems, does his part, and
then we do ours.

The result of this kind of thinking is generally disastrous. We are driven to make an entirely false distinction between justification and sanctification in order to save the investment the old being has in the moral system. Justification is a kind of obligatory religious preliminary which is rendered largely ineffective while we talk about getting on with the truly “serious” business of becoming “sanctified” according to some moral scheme or other. We become the actors in sanctification. This is entirely false. According to Scripture, God is always the acting subject, even in sanctification. The distinction serves only to leave the old being in control of things under the guise of pious talk.

On the level of human understanding, the problem is we attempt to combine the unconditional grace of God with our notions of continuously existing and acting under the law. In other words, the old being does not come up against its death, but goes on pursuing its projects, perhaps a little more morally or piously. Unconditional grace calls forth a new being in Christ. But the old being sees such unconditional grace as dangerous and so protects its continuity by “adding sanctification.” It seeks to stave off the death involved by becoming “moral.”

Sanctification thus becomes merely another part of its self-defense against grace. Justification is rendered more or less harmless. Talk about sanctification can be dangerous in that it misleads and seduces the old being into thinking it is still in control. We may grudgingly admit we cannot justify ourselves, but then we attempt to make up for that by getting serious about sanctification.

-Mike

One way he began opening our eyes to the condition of our own hearts, was through some pretty severe trials. Much was revealed to us in those first few months about ourselves (and so much more since!) with the result that we were brought to a complete standstill. Literally. We went from being on 120% of the time to being completely shut down and sidelined. Those were hard times for us because performance-based Christianity demands better and better performance and when you can’t perform, you feel like God must certainly be displeased or disappointed with you. You become critical of yourself because of your non-performance. If you knew me back then you know that my blogs were theologically heavy, doctrine driven, and performance soaked, with very little heart application. I stopped writing for a couple of months when all of this started because my performance masks were coming off one by one as the gospel was brought to bear over and over on my proud and cynical heart, and I quite literally didn’t know what was going on or where my life was headed.

One of the things that happens in performance-ism is that you view suffering as an opponent – something to be gotten past, because you need to get back to performing well and suffering inhibits that. You don’t give others time to suffer and meet Jesus in their suffering because your goal is to “fix” them, whatever your definition of “fix” happens to be. But by his amazing grace, Jesus brought a type of suffering our way that gave us nowhere to run to baby; nowhere to hide. He literally stopped us in our tracks and left us with nothing to cling to and nowhere to turn but back to the cross and his amazing grace! Praise his holy name! After a couple of months, I wrote my first blog as a recovering performer. It’s the very first blog on this site (I was blogging at another site back then that I’ve since shut down). At my wife’s request, I’ve decided to re-post it here for you. This was written in February of 2009, near the very beginning of our gospel re-awakening and Jesus bringing us back to our first love, Jesus. I’ve resisted the urge to smooth it out in any way so that you can see that I was groping in the dark a little as God was at work renewing our hearts through our trials. I hope it encourages you.

In February of 2009, I wrote,

I’m going to write this blog not knowing exactly where it’s going. But that’s ok because spontaneity doesn’t ALWAYS have to be planned! Just most of the time. I’ve been coming back to 2 Corinthians 4 over the last week or so, and reading and rereading it as a devotional. Maybe I should put it here for you so you can have it in front of you.

 But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. (2 Corinthians 4:7)

The treasure that Paul is speaking of is “the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ” from verse 6. It is the life-altering power of the gospel. It is the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. It is a participation in God’s glory because of the cross of Christ. It is knowing Christ intimately and knowing the power of his resurrection (Philippians 3:10) firsthand. It is the forgiveness of sin and unconditional acceptance with the Father because of the cross. It is a knowledge OF God, not a superficial knowledge ABOUT God. This is experiential knowledge as every believer experiences God. Every believer experiences saving grace. This is treasure! This is true and lasting treasure! This is priceless treasure (Matthew 13:44) that never fades away and is reserved in heaven for those who believe (1 Peter 1:3-5), and it can never spoil, fade, or rust away. God himself is its keeper. This is true and lasting treasure.

This is ours in Christ by grace alone. And yet, we have this all surpassing power in jars of clay to demonstrate that our perseverance is from God and not ourselves. We are weak but he is strong. He is always strong and we are always weak – even when we think we are strong. Paul goes on,

 We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; (2 Corinthians 4:8-9)

Possessing this treasure in jars of clay means that we are weak in ourselves. Our humanness is fragile, but God is strong. We may have times in our walk when we feel crushed, in despair, forsaken, and even destroyed. We’ll think we’ve reached the end of our rope and our life may start to unravel before our very eyes as things seemingly spiral out of control. What we are experiencing can be very real and we may think all is lost. But if we are truly his, we aren’t really crushed, in despair, forsaken, or destroyed, as real as those things can seem at times. We’re really just afflicted, perplexed, persecuted, and struck down, much like Paul was. It’s easy to lose our perspective when life’s coming at you fast. In the midst of feeling crushed, we can easily melt down for a time. In the midst of being perplexed, life can seem to unravel in front of us and nothing makes sense anymore as we begin to question every motive. In the midst of persecution, we can experience moments of anger or even hatred which can lead us to the conclusion that God must not be at work in our lives, all is lost, and we are on the road to destruction.

We must be patient and give those in severe trials room and time to encounter God through them, allowing the Holy Spirit time to accomplish his purposes in them. A heart can be a fragile thing, not because we run the risk of failing to persevere ultimately, but for the simple reason that it is housed within a jar of clay and that jar is fragile and easily bruised at times. It’s true that every believer perseveres to the end in loving Jesus, but perseverance is housed in a fragile jar which means that trials can knock us around and sometimes overwhelm us. But not ultimately. During severe trials, perseverance can look as though it’s been temporarily interrupted. But it hasn’t been derailed. We simply lose focus sometimes because of this fragile jar of clay.

But here’s the good news: we have this treasure in jars of clay for the express purpose of showing us and the world that this all-surpassing power is from God and not us. He is strong even when I am weak. In fact, He is at his strongest when I am at my weakest. Ultimately, we will persevere, not because our love for him is so strong or because we have our act together, but because he loved us first. He is the author and finisher of our faith. Not us. We dare not become impatient with those experiencing fiery trials, nor expect a superficial level of performance from those in the midst of severe trials. Trials are real. Especially to the one in the trial. I recently read someone who said that the Holy Spirit seems pleased to work in decades, not days, weeks, months, or even years. Our only job is to be a patient resource and help to those other jars of clay who are feeling afflicted, perplexed, persecuted, and struck down and to gently come alongside to lovingly remind them that God would never crush them, put them in a place of utter despair, abandon them, or destroy them.

 Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. (Galatians 6:2-3)

-Mike