RED PEN, INC.

An Alcatraz apostrophe catastrophe

noreply@blogger.com (THE GRAMMARPHILE) — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 02:58:00 +0000

I know that Jorge Garcia is really, really awesome. He does stand-up comedy in his spare time, seems super-cool in interviews, and even sends autographed pictures to fans.

However, all that awesomeness is in ONE person, not two. There is only one Jorge Garcia--well, at least only one on the new show Alcatraz. But based on this apostrophe usage, you wouldn't know that. *headdesk*

Moving on, away from the topic of apostrophe aggravation...who else watched the 2-hour premiere of Alcatraz the other night? I did...and I was hooked from the very beginning. I can't wait to see more of this show. If you watched Alcatraz, what did you think? And for my Lostie friends, was it also strange for you to hear Jorge having a "Duuuuude"-free conversation about some other island (ie Alcatraz) that isn't, you know, the island? I guess I'm still getting used to the fact that Jorge is not Hurley in every TV show he's in. :)

For other Jorge/Alcatraz/Lost fans...consider "liking" Sidekick22 on Facebook. That's Jorge's girlfriend, the writer and one-time Lost extra Bethany Shady, and she's always posting super-cool stuff that fans will enjoy. For example: the Diego's Soul Patch podcast that she and Jorge do regarding Alcatraz. Fun stuff!

A glutenous goof-up

noreply@blogger.com (THE GRAMMARPHILE) — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 03:43:00 +0000

I am a gluten-free girl, but luckily I loathe beer, so this hasn't been an issue for me. (My issue is having to drive past a Philly Pretzel Factory every day on the way home from work and not stopping to get a yummy soft pretzel. *sigh* I know if I gave in and ate one, I'd bloat up like I was 8 months preggo--among other, too-TMI-to-mention-here symptoms--and I would really prefer to actually fit into my pants, thankyouverymuch.)

For those of you who don't know much about the gluten-free lifestyle, gluten is also present in barley...which is also present in beer. Barely doesn't contain any gluten, but barley most certainly does!

Happy Thanksgiving--and Happy Birthday, Mama Grammarphile!

noreply@blogger.com (THE GRAMMARPHILE) — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 05:36:00 +0000

Let's start this Thanksgiving post off with questions from two turkeys:

So let me get this straight...

* You're having sex with your SISTER.

* You somehow manage to have cranberry sauce come up as a topic during sex.

* How the hell did you manage to do either one of those things, let alone BOTH? Freakin' weirdo.

* The writing's not the best, but it's pretty good for someone I assume is a hillbilly (those are the only types who boink their sisters, right?).

But the fun doesn't stop there, folks...

Holy crap. Is everyone sleeping with, or attempting to sleep with, cousins and siblings on Thanksgiving? Is this some bizarre Turkey Day rite of passage I've never heard about before? Yikes!

Moving on...

So this will be my first gluten-free Thanksgiving. My poor mom has been stressed about making all gluten-free food (there's really no reason to worry--I know that all the food will taste awesome, as always). Plus, she'll be cooking Thanksgiving dinner on her birthday--now that's dedication.

Happy birthday, Mama Grammarphile, and please don't worry too much about cooking Thanksgiving dinner; it'll be delicious! Thanks for being a truly kickass mom and an awesome person in general, and extra-special thanks for doing all that you can over the last 6 months to make my transition to gluten-free living as painless as possible. Also, I'm so glad I get to see you on your birthday!

To my fabulous readers, I hope your Thanksgivings are filled with good food and good times with friends and family (please don't sleep with your siblings or cousins, though, and if you do, don't talk about it on Yahoo, OK?). I hope you have a lot to be thankful for this year. As for me, I have tons of things to be thankful for--the best parents, an amazing boyfriend (I'm thrilled that he'll be joining my family for Thanksgiving dinner, but the fact that he's bringing some gluten-free baked goods along means he gets some serious bonus points), a new closer (Papelbon) and awesome veteran (Thome) for my favorite baseball team, a better job and better apartment than I had at this time last year (both of which are in my home state of PA), and so much more.

Here's to a wonderful Thanksgiving--and a fabulous birthday for a truly awesome mom. :)

MISSPELLING MONDAY for November 21, 2011

noreply@blogger.com (THE GRAMMARPHILE) — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 16:00:00 +0000

Just to clarify, this came from a query written by a "writer" (I'm using the term loosely here) who wants to interview doctors about prostrate cancer. I really hope this writer has a smart editor who understands that there's no such thing as prostrate cancer (it's prostate, sillies!). And I hope this article isn't being written by any Yahoos or by the folks over at Copyeditors Needed Now, 'cause if it is...well, we know the quality of some of those editors. And in that case, this article would be pretty damn doomed. *headdesk*

MAD LIBS WITH THE GRAMMARPHILE, 11/17/11

noreply@blogger.com (THE GRAMMARPHILE) — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 16:00:00 +0000

Oh, what fun! I haven't had a Mad Libs post for you guys for a while. Give it a go--tell me what word you'd use in this headline: Doctors accidentally __________ 3-year-old boy's eye shut.

(Yes, I realize the correct word is likely "sew" or "stitch," but surely we can come up with words that are funner than those, right?)

HUMP DAY GRAMMAR for November 16, 2011

noreply@blogger.com (THE GRAMMARPHILE) — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 16:00:00 +0000

I thought I was seeing things the other day when I opened up my email to find this...

And then I clicked through the link and realized that I wasn't crazy--this website really is talking about "hepatits."

Happy Hump Day, everyone. Or, since tits are clearly such a popular topic of conversation, should I refer to it as "Titsday"? That's got quite a ring to it...

I'm pretty sure her recovery hasn't turned her male...

noreply@blogger.com (THE GRAMMARPHILE) — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 02:49:00 +0000

Poor Gabby Giffords. She's already been through quite an ordeal, and it seems like she's been making excellent progress in her recovery. However, it seems like one writer thinks that part of her progress is a gender change, or at least a name change. Gabrielle is a girl's name--but Gabriel is most definitely a boy's name. *sigh* Way to go, oblivious writer and/or copy editor...

TO/TOO/TWO TUESDAY for November 8, 2011

noreply@blogger.com (THE GRAMMARPHILE) — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 16:00:00 +0000

What, they couldn't steal an A from the bracelet and plunk it into the description so they'd be using the right lead? *sigh* Amateurs!

MISSPELLING MONDAY for November 7, 2011

noreply@blogger.com (THE GRAMMARPHILE) — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 16:00:00 +0000

This just in... Online news editors are twice as likely to have allergies to spell-check, dictionaries, and proofreading!

FOODIE FRIDAY for October 14, 2011

noreply@blogger.com (THE GRAMMARPHILE) — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 14:00:00 +0000

Sit down for this one, folks--it's gonna be a tough one to believe.

Ever since I've been back in Philly, I haven't had any cheese steaks. Not even one.

Seriously. I'm not pullin' your leg here.

It's because I've gone gluten-free. Not for the fun of it (trust me, it's usually not tons of fun), but out of necessity. Bothersome digestive symptoms have gone away since I made that switch, and my tummy's feeling a lot better.

But it also means I don't get Philly cheese steaks, soft pretzels, or Tastykakes. And I was really looking forward to those. *sigh* So instead, I search for restaurants that offer tasty gluten-free food (props to my parents and boyfriend, who are super-awesome and accompany me to the few places I can actually get something to eat--extra-special props to my mom for learning to cook yummy gluten-free meals for me). Recently I found a local restaurant that makes plenty of foods gluten-free...but they can't spell. I'm probably going to go eat there at some point, but I'm really hoping that they're better at cooking gluten-free than they are at spelling.

Take all the "childerns" out to dinner! You can play a riveting game of "find the misspelling" while you wait for your food...

"Filo" dough isn't really an egregious mistake. I can't say the same about their "scope" snafu, though...

Dammit! I really wanted "stoppings" on my pizza...

Happy Friday, everyone!

HUMP DAY GRAMMAR, 9/14/11

noreply@blogger.com (THE GRAMMARPHILE) — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 14:00:00 +0000

This doesn't count as bad grammar or even bad writing--I'm pretty sure the writer knew exactly what he was doing with that phrase there. (In fact, that seems like a pretty clever writer with a cheeky sense of humor.) But it's definitely Hump Day-related, so I figured that my fellow pervs would get a kick out of it just like I did...

Happy Hump Day, everyone!

TO/TOO/TWO Tuesday, 9/13/11

noreply@blogger.com (THE GRAMMARPHILE) — Tue, 13 Sep 2011 14:00:00 +0000

If you're smart enough to formulate a game plan to deal with your child's horrible teacher, you should probably also be smart enough to understand principle vs. principal. The principal may not take seriously the parent who thinks the principal is really a principle...

MISSPELLING MONDAY, 9/12/11

noreply@blogger.com (THE GRAMMARPHILE) — Mon, 12 Sep 2011 14:00:00 +0000

Heh. I'm betting a peacock is something much different from a peak cock. Peak cock sounds kinda dirty, doesn't it?

Or maybe I'm just being snarky because I liked the dress and missed out on the sale... ;)

MISSPELLING MONDAY: August 29, 2011

noreply@blogger.com (THE GRAMMARPHILE) — Mon, 29 Aug 2011 14:00:00 +0000

Hey there, local newspaper webmaster. Did you really think that the entire area was sooooo focused on Hurricane Irene that your typo/misspelling/Freudian slip would go unnoticed? Don't worry--this is proof that some eagle-eyed people really do pay attention to the headlines on your website (especially when said headlines look rather perverted), even when the whole region is caught up in hurricane hysteria.

Happy Monday, everyone--especially to my fellow mind-in-the-gutter folks who get a real kick out of a "virgina" sighting/error early in the morning. Here's hoping Irene didn't rock you like (too crazy of) a hurricane...or something like that. ;)

LAZY-ASS FRIDAY, 8/26/11

noreply@blogger.com (THE GRAMMARPHILE) — Fri, 26 Aug 2011 14:00:00 +0000

I'm feeling particularly lazy today, so I only have two links for you this time. I'm really not a slacker...I'm just writing what seems like seventeen million things right now, none of which are getting done quickly enough. I had an allergy scare the other day--I ate something I knew I was allergic to, but it wasn't disclosed in the product's ingredients, so I didn't know I'd eaten it until I had an allergic reaction and then emailed the manufacturer to quiz them on what spices might have been in the frozen dinner I'd made, and they confirmed that something I'm allergic to was indeed in the meal (the meal's packaging just said "spices" were included, which obviously isn't specific). Anyway, one of the thoughts running through my head as I was trying to breathe was "Oh shit, I'm going to choke to death from an allergic reaction and I haven't finished writing a single effing book yet." So I'm working on the book again, the one that's my baby. Gotta finish it while I'm still breathing normally, you know? ;)

But I digress. Here are your Lazy-Ass Friday links...

Did you know that toddlers can understand complex grammar? Let's hope they all grow up to be grammarphile types...

Yahoo Shine noticed a pretty big Old Navy grammar FAIL. Well, more like a punctuation FAIL. Hey Old Navy, if you're reading this, click here to email a kickass grammarphile who would happily edit your stuff on a freelance basis!

Have a fab Friday, everyone...and to my fellow East Coasters, stay safe in the craptastic weather!

HUMP DAY GRAMMAR for August 24, 2011

noreply@blogger.com (THE GRAMMARPHILE) — Wed, 24 Aug 2011 14:00:00 +0000

There aren't any grammar errors here, but I had to share this picture with you guys. Imagine my surprise when I was browsing the bookstore (RIP, Borders) and my virgin eyes saw this. A book about how to draw furries. *giggle*

It was only after I took the picture that I realized a book on the same shelf as the furries book is entitled The Naked Roommate. If you had your choice of dealing with furries or dealing with a naked roommate, which would you choose?

Happy Hump Day, everyone!

It's not easy being green...

noreply@blogger.com (THE GRAMMARPHILE) — Tue, 23 Aug 2011 14:00:00 +0000

Actually, no, I don't want to go back--nor do I want to go there in the first place. I've never been to this place, but the picture this website posted of the spa doesn't exactly look appealing. It looks like a stone pool that algae's taken over--I mean, that water is green. And it looks gross. Is that seriously supposed to be part of a spa? Who the hell would soak in that thing?I

No, thank you. I'll go get my "message"--and any other spa treatments--somewhere less green!

Lazy-Ass Friday: LOL-worthy links

noreply@blogger.com (THE GRAMMARPHILE) — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 14:00:00 +0000

It's Friday. I'm lazy. Hey, even snarky bitches need a rest sometimes, you know? So here are some snarky things to keep you entertained while I'm off doing lazy-girl things...

How awesome would it be to have a grammar test to keep grammatically-challenged morons off the internet? (I realize this would result in much less blog material, but hey, I'm willing to take one for the team here...)

Bad grammar doesn't just tick off snarky girls like me--it also pisses off teachers. Check out the 55 grammar offenses that make teachers go mad.

And finally, an oldie but goodie--read about why the "alot" is better than you at everything.

Have a fabulous weekend, everyone! :)

Copyeditors Needed Now: Uneducated when it comes to headlines

noreply@blogger.com (THE GRAMMARPHILE) — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 14:00:00 +0000

Oh, Copyeditors Needed Now...you even managed to make a headline about teachers look stupid. *sigh*

We represent the Lollipop Guild...

noreply@blogger.com (THE GRAMMARPHILE) — Tue, 16 Aug 2011 14:00:00 +0000

If a "small people's court" does happen to exist somewhere, I'm willing to bet it's a little bit different than the small claims court this person's interested in visiting...

I'm not sure I'm a fan of these new words...

noreply@blogger.com (THE GRAMMARPHILE) — Mon, 15 Aug 2011 14:00:00 +0000

I know, I know--I've been a very bad blogger lately. But I've been sick (sneezy allergies, food allergy types of allergies, etc), and traveling (to New York, as well as to the happiest place on earth--and by that I mean the Phillies' ballpark), and I've been writing my butt off even though you haven't seen it here (although you can see some of it here and here). And, of course, working, and visiting with family/boyfriend/friends/etc.

Apparently I've been away from the blog for so long that people have actually managed to create new words and I'm only just now noticing...

Fagade--is that like lemonade, but with cigarettes? Doesn't sound very appealing...

A "chocker" sounds really big and clunky. I can't picture Kate or Goldie wanting to wear a "chocker"...

Happy Monday, everyone! :)

HUMP DAY GRAMMAR for July 27, 2011

noreply@blogger.com (THE GRAMMARPHILE) — Wed, 27 Jul 2011 14:00:00 +0000

Just in case you ever questioned the usefulness of hyphens, here's a good example of why we need to use 'em sometimes. A penis-cutting wife is much different than a penis cutting wife. Granted, a penis that can cut wives seems like a very talented penis indeed, but it is not the kind of penis I'd ever like to meet.

I'd write more, but I think I'm enjoying writing "penis" so often in this post. If I keep going, this post is going to turn into "penis penis penis penis PENIS!!!!!!" just because it's a fun word to say/write and it makes me giggle.

Yep, I'm a 30-year-old girl with the sense of humor/maturity level of a second-grader...

Were you hungry before? Well, you won't be once you read this...

noreply@blogger.com (THE GRAMMARPHILE) — Tue, 26 Jul 2011 14:00:00 +0000

Yeah, I know it's small, and I realize you might be squinting at it saying to yourself, "Does that really say poopers?"

I'm here to tell you that yes, it does indeed say poopers. And these poopers are evidently called "jammers," and they're served with shrimp.

To be fair, while the error was on the online menu, it was not in the hard copy of the menu at the restaurant. So at least they got something right, spelling-wise.

If there are any dieters reading this post, you can thank me now--I'm guessing pretty much anyone who's reading this post has now lost their appetite...

Hump Day Grammar: July 20, 2011

noreply@blogger.com (THE GRAMMARPHILE) — Wed, 20 Jul 2011 13:33:00 +0000

Kids, there's nothing funny about a penis being chopped off. (The thought makes me cringe, and I don't even have a penis; I can't imagine how un-funny guys must think this sort of thing is.)

But you know what's funny? When Copyeditors Needed Now screws up a really simple headline (the word in question should be off, not of), and then the combination of this headline and the rest of the list of headlines is freakin' hilarious. I guess comfort sex does not happen when one's penis is cut off...and when it comes to sex I suppose it's better to be either a switch or an iron than, say, a knife and/or a garbage disposal...

Happy Hump Day, everyone...don't let your Hump Day involve the cutting off of any valuable equipment, OK?

This is what happens when tipsy Yahoos don't proofread their stuff:

noreply@blogger.com (THE GRAMMARPHILE) — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 14:00:00 +0000

Hmmm...I bet research also showed that it's not a good idea to write articles after you've had that wine and that you should perhaps wait until you're sober so you don't screw up your words... ;)