B-Sides

It's the Yittle Fings, Part Forty Seven.

2012-08-31T20:14:00.002-05:00

"Sometimes, when I'm in the bathtub, I tell the waves to be calm like Jesus - just to see if I can do it too. AND - after a minute -- they are!!"

"I always make up songs to sing to bad guys, if I ever see one. I make up songs about Jesus. That way they can learn about Jesus, then they won't be bad anymore! Isn't that a great idea?"

We were talking about temperatures and what it takes for things to freeze... I was explaining that for snow to stick, it has to be below 32 degrees. She thought for a minute, then hypothesized...

"Yes, but if the ground had honey on it, the snow would stick no matter what. Right?"

"I'm going to have an international party!"

"What does that mean, international?"

"It means a really good one!!"

"Mommy, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure!"

"What in the WORLD is Pearl River Resort???"

It's the Yittle Fings, Part Forty-Six.

2012-07-25T14:38:00.000-05:00

"I sure love Daddy's new silver car. It is SO. MUCH. FUN."

"I know. It is, isn't it?"

"Yes. And my VERY favorite part of Daddy's new car are the blue square mints. They're SO good!!"

(From monitor during quiet time)

"Mommy! I need help!!"

"What kind of help?"

"Well I'm in the bathroom and I'm wiping my bum and I wiped it the third time but I accidentally dropped the toilet paper in the potty before I looked at it!! So now I don't know whether it had poop on it or not. Can you come get it out of the potty?"

"Just wipe again and look at the next piece."

"Oh! Okay..."

The next day...

"If you need help, don't yell from the bathroom. It woke your brother up yesterday. Just talk right into the monitor."

"But.. but.. what if I'm on the potty and I have poop on my bum and if I get up and walk to the monitor parts of my bum might fall off??????"

"I think your bum will stay on."

Clearly we talk about bodily functions too much in our house, because she told me, "Every time I tell AJ anything about tooting, she makes a mad face at me."

"That's because AJ is a lady, honey."

But yet, she doesn't realize this dominates our conversation. After a long conversation about how awful jail is and how the people in jail do and say bad things, her eyes got wide, she gasped, and said:

"And I BET they even talk about poo poo."

During television commercials, "People always sound so excited on TV. Why do they sound so excited??"

"Mommy, why do you and Daddy tell me the same thing twice sometimes?"

"Well, you do it all the time, don't you? Sometimes you tell us the same thing four or five times. Sometimes you tell me something, then you turn to Daddy and tell him the very same thing, even though he was standing there the whole time."

"Well yes. But I don't mind at all when I do it, but I really mind when you do it."

The Fast Talker.

2012-07-16T21:29:00.000-05:00

Ali started talking at nine months, and had a steady incline of words and phrases from then on. By 18 months, she would repeat any word spoken to her, and knew her entire alphabet.

Noah has been a bit more typical in his development - he knew 15 words by 15 months, and we counted about 30 words at 18 months.

But all of a sudden, at 19 months, I understand what people mean when they said that their kids just started talking in sentences.

After several days at the beach, as we were walking up the sidewalk to go into the house, he turned around and said, "We're home, Daddy!!"

Then today, he brought me a book, looked at the first page, then got down and said a gibberish sentence as he walked away - a typical activity of his.

Except that this time, I actually understood it.

"Gonna go get another book."

...which makes me think that his gibberish sentences all this time were not really gibberish at all - I just didn't have the deciphering skills needed to understand him.

Men communicate too - just not at all clearly.

It's The Yittle Fings, Part Forty-Six.

2012-05-25T07:30:00.000-05:00

"I've got to practice my ballet, because I'm going to be a ballerina when I grow up. Not a Princess Ballerina, just a Ballerina."

"Wow - you've given up on the Princess part???"

"Yeah..."

"But we did so much research... what made you let that one go?"

"So that I can marry Ethan, OF COURSE!"

"I had the baddest dream anyone could ever have. I dreamed a wolf was trying to eat me. Then I had the most exciting dream anyone could ever have!! I thought I was in this world and I was downstairs and I was flying all around the house."

Then she got really quiet and leaned over and whispered, as she was bursting with excitement...

"And, now that I've done that in my dream, I'm pretty sure I know what I need to do to fly in this world."

"Seriously?? How awesome!! What do you have to do?"

"Well, I've got to flap my arms really hard - like this. But before I try that, I have another idea too. If I start out running really fast, I might just take off."

We were listening to a song called "Angels Unaware". Ali asked what it meant, and I explained that in the Old Testament, there were sometimes angels disguised as people, and that the song is saying that maybe that happens now, too, and we should treat everyone as if they were angels in disguise.

"But I would know how to tell if they're angels or not."

"Really? How?"

"Well, I would just look at the back of 'em. If they had wings, they were an angel pretending to be a human. If they didn't, they were a human."

"But if they were in disguise, you couldn't see their wings, don't you think?"

"Nope - you could see them from the back. So that's how you'd tell! Which is JUST like how you can tell if a dinosaur is an herbivore or a carnivore - you just look in their mouth. If their teeth are pointy, they're an herbivore. If they're flat, they're a carnivore. I learned that on Bubble Guppies!"

"What does it mean if they're an Herbivore?"

"It means that they have pointy teeth, of course."

A Sinking Ship.

2012-05-19T16:57:00.000-05:00

…only after all of that did I realize that he had a toxic diaper. Next: Sink Sanitation.

Because Noah was Feeling Especially Photogenic..

2012-05-14T14:09:00.001-05:00

These are the leftovers from my Mother’s Day Post.

It's the Yittle Fings, Part Forty-Five.

2012-05-09T06:00:00.000-05:00

"When Noah turns two I'm going to get him a red cape and mask. And when he turns three I'm going to get him a donkey costume like daddy."

"Everyday on Wednesday my horse sins one time."

One day, we were having some friends over. Ali had been reading a Look and Find book all morning, but right before they were to arrive, she ran off to my office and hid it there. When she got back, she asked,
"Can I get my Look and Find out of your office when the other kids come over?"

"Yes, but why did you put it in there if you want to look at it with the other kids?"

"Because I like to say 'I'll be right back.'"

Ali wanted to do something later that day, so she told me,

"You need to remind me to do it. Okay?"

"Why don't you just remember?"

"Well, I can only remember things for about... One minute."

"I smell something!"

"What is it?"

"I don't know."

"What do you think it is?"

"I don't know but my party friends said it smells like monkeys!!"

"Hey Ali - what's that all over your shirt?"

"Hmm. Maybe bird poop?"

The Great Race.

2012-05-06T17:16:00.000-05:00

While one’s opponent rests,

Is the time to put oneself to the test.

Grind out the curves,

Down to the last nerve.

Push through the pain,

But stay in your own lane.

And don’t be afraid to run with flair,

Because the tortoise can indeed beat the hare.

What Happens When...

2012-04-07T08:45:00.001-05:00

You try to sit down in full-leather, decades old, hard as sheet metal, two sizes too small Lederhosen.

Eyes.

2012-04-04T19:53:00.003-05:00

I don't know where he got them, but I adore them.

The Year of Four.

2012-03-20T14:28:00.000-05:00

Clearly, this was supposed to get published in January. Also clearly, I've been forsaking B-Sides for quite a while. So, to attempt to make it up, here's the Birthday review...

January

February

March

April

May

June

July

August

September

October

November

December

Orphaned Photos, Beach and Superhero Edition.

2012-03-14T10:00:00.000-05:00

It's the Yittle Fings, Part Forty-Four.

2012-03-12T08:00:00.000-05:00

"Hey Mommy, I always want to have a really fun dream when I go to bed."

"Me too!"

"Do you want to know about the really fun dream that I want to have?"

"Oh - you mean it's a specific one?"

"Yes. I always want to dream that I can dance with the Fresh Beat Band."

"I think that MAYBE, Tangled is called Tangled because Rapunzel has really long hair and it probably gets tangled a lot. But I don't know for sure, and nobody really knows for sure if that's why it's named that. BUT, when we get to heaven, we will be able to find out for sure."

"Hey Mommy, can you get me some new apps on my iPad?"

"No - I just got you a few the other day, remember?"

"Yes, but I need more because I want so many apps that if you tried to count them it would take forever. Right now if you tried to count my apps it wouldn't take forever, so I need you to buy me more."

"Isn't my Math Sheet wonderful today???"

"Yes, dear - you did great!!"

"I'm going to save my Math Sheet and give it to Gramamma next time I see her."

"Okay - I'm sure she'll like it."

"Do you think she'll cry happy tears about it?"

"Gramamma's geeky, but probably not THAT geeky, honey."

It’s The Yittle Fings, Part Forty-Three.

2012-01-26T08:00:00.000-06:00

“What if I ate that whole bag of fruit loops?”

(I held it up to her stomach) “Look - it’s bigger than your tummy!! You couldn’t eat it all!”

“If I did, would I die?”

“No, but you might throw up.”

“Well, at least it would be very colorful throw up.”

“Hey Mommy, I DO love you, but if I didn’t, I wouldn’t tell you, because that would be sinning.”

“Huh?”

“Well, I wouldn’t love you because YOU were sinning, but if I told you I didn’t love you because you were sinning, I would be judging you, so I would be sinning. So I wouldn’t tell you.”

“Oh. Um…good to know.”

Me: “Mommies are wise, aren’t they?”

Ali: “They’re very fun!”

Me: “Yay! I always wanted to be fun!!”

Ali: “I wasn’t talking about you. I was talking about my computer.”

Me: “Oh.”

Ali: “You’re fun too, but not as fun as my computer.”

Ali has a slight fascination with the color of her pee. She’s asked many questions about the variations therein, so I’ve explained that if she has yellow tee-tee, this means she needs to drink more water.

Which just increased the fascination.

I now get a daily report of the color changes, and she keeps a cup of water in the bathroom to guzzle down in case the report is yellow.

She wanted to know why she needed to drink so much water, and I explained about how our body is made up almost entirely of water, and if it gets low, we get dehydrated.

This added to her ponderings.

The next day, she ran up to me, confused.

“Mommy, I have yellow tee-tee, but I can still taste the spit in my mouth!! Why do I have yellow tee-tee if I still have water in my body??”

I was enjoying the silence of a car ride. Little did I know, this silence meant that Ali was pondering big things.

“Hey Mommy.”

“Yes?”

“What if when babies pooped, they pooped out stinky computers full of poop?”

Another car ride, another deep thought.

“Boys that have brown skin look like boys. But boys that have beige skin look like girls. And girls that have beige skin look like girls, but girls that have brown skin look like boys.”

“Huh?”

(She then repeats it all…)

“So…Daddy looks like a girl?”

“Yup.”

“Hey Mommy – which Princess do you think has the biggest hips?”

“Which Princess do YOU think has the biggest hips?”

“Probably Rapunzel.”

“Um…do you even know what hips are?”

(she got all embarrassed…) “Yes…”

“Then what are hips?”

“I don’t want to tell you!”

“You have to tell me what hips are if you want me to tell you which princess has the biggest hips.”

(She points to my boobs.)

“Those are definitely not hips, honey.”

Orphaned Photos, Christmas Edition.

2012-01-04T21:21:00.002-06:00

We had our annual gathering with the M family to watch Christmas Vacation. Not my favorite movie, but since it’s with some of my favorite people, it’s tolerable.

Obviously, we sent the kids to bed before the movie started. But not without letting them have a little Christmas cheer of their own – taking turns playing Christmas Angry Birds.

We took the kids to Zoolight Safari. Not that you can tell by looking at us, but it was actually a rather mild night – perfect for walking out of doors.

What can I say – we’re from Alabama. We’re accustomed to keeping our warmth.

Ali and Noah were mesmerized…

although I didn’t get any shots of Noah’s reactions, seeing as I was trying to help him keep his warmth…on the surprisingly mild night.

Noah was fairly thrilled with the whole holiday concept.

He kinda got the whole unwrapping thing. He would at least stay interested for one present before getting utterly and completely bored.

And yes, he was without clothes for a majority of our holiday celebrations…

Because Chris was awfully proud of those Santa diapers.

On Christmas day, we tried to keep him interested in opening his own presents,

But he was drawn away by the enticement of hot chicks.

And the cabinet doors.

And his appetite.

The biggest hit for both kids were the stockings.

Seriously. I have like a hundred thousand more stocking pictures just like those. That entertainment could have lasted All. Day. Long.

But most of all, Noah enjoyed being with his people.

He might have a bit of post-holiday-stress-syndrome now that it’s all over…it’s too quiet around here.

She’s a Brave Woman…

2011-12-22T16:54:00.003-06:00

Noah’s first haircut was compliments of Gramamma.

Noah was perfectly thrilled.

And despite many pre-planned distractions,

Did not exactly get the concept of “Be Still”.

He did offer to help with the combing,

But ultimately, just tried to make it as adventurous of an experience as he possibly could.

And yet, she managed to give a pretty impressive haircut despite his best efforts.

Before – the Mullet of Billy Bob:

After:

A Taste of the Action:

One: A Silent Film.

2011-12-21T08:00:00.000-06:00

Cognitive.

2011-12-06T17:03:00.002-06:00

Noah, almost a year old, is at that fabulous stage of changing and developing in massive steps. Some of it, like the waving, the clapping, and the minimal talking, I totally expected. I was pleasantly surprised at how quickly he learned (and was willing to obey) “No” and “Come back”. But other parts completely amaze me – babies know so much more than we give them credit for…

We went with my Mom and Grandmother to a new location of one of our favorite restaurants a month and a half ago. While we were there, Noah and my Grandmother developed this funny head-bobbing game. He played it with everyone he saw for a couple of days, then forgot about it.

Over a month later, we returned to that new location with Chris and Ali. About halfway through our meal, Noah got quiet and started looking all around, looking at the ceiling, and thinking deeply. All of a sudden, his eyes lit up, he looked at me, and he started bobbing his head just like he had learned to do at our last visit.

Mom and Dad were working in the nursery at Church one Sunday. They of course were trying to get Noah to show off for the other nursery workers.

Mom kept trying to get him to say “Gramamma.” Every time she would say, “Say Gramamma!!”, he would look at my dad and say “Pop!!”

Later, Mom said, “Say Pop!!”

Noah smiled really big, and said, “Gramamma!!”

He is really beginning to prefer Chris in a major way. If Chris is holding him and I reach for him, he buries his head in Chris’ shoulder and smiles at me.

However, usually asking him if he wants to go night-night works every time – I’m pretty sure he thinks that means, “You want to go nurse?”

One night, Chris was holding him, and he wouldn’t come to me. Finally, I said, “You want to go night-night?”

He buried his head deeper into Chris’ shoulder, looked back at me, smiled, and said, “Dada!!”

Message received.

We were on our way to dinner one night, and Noah and Ali were busy in the backseat, chatting and playing. I told Chris,

“Oh! I forgot to bring Noah anything to eat!”

“That’s okay. We’ll just buy him a grilled cheese.”

Noah quit babbling in the backseat, got really quiet for a moment, and then started emphatically saying, “More! More! More!!!”

I love this age.

It's the Yittle Fings, Part Forty-Two.

2011-11-02T06:00:00.001-05:00

"Mommy, I'm glad that you had kids. Because I'm really glad that God made me. Because...I just love to talk."

While Ali was calling people to make her United States Map and Legend, she was quite disturbed that she couldn't Skype with Chris' Mom, but had to call her the old-fashioned way. The following conversation ensued...

"Why can't I talk to Nana on my computer?"

"Because Nana doesn't have a computer."

"WHY DOESN'T NANA HAVE A COMPUTER?!?!"

"She just doesn't."

(Sigh) "I guess God just didn't give her a computer."

Heard randomly from the backseat: "Polices, Angels, and Jesus are the only people who help other people."

While we were working on our map, I asked, "What state do you want to go to the most?"

"Nevada."

"Why?"

"Because Nevada is pink on my computer and pink is my favorite color."

After calling for me for a while from her bed... "Sometimes when I'm in my bed and I call you and you don't come, I think you might have been turned to gold."

Camping, Photographically Speaking.

2011-10-27T06:00:00.000-05:00

A few more photos from our awesome camping adventures…

Look Who's Talking.

2011-09-27T08:00:00.000-05:00

Noah started talking about a month ago. Mama, Dada, Pop, Bye-Bye, Hey - the usual suspects. But his favorite word is "More" - in conjunction with any and all food demands.

More means "feed me", but it also means "Take this nasty mess out of my mouth and give me something I like". Both definitions can be found in this video...

The Differing Theories of Beach Hair.

2011-09-23T06:00:00.000-05:00

Her: Glamorous.

Him: Punk Rock.

Me: So-Bad-It-Can’t-Be-Caught-On-Camera.

Nine Months and Fabulous.

2011-09-21T08:00:00.001-05:00

It's the Yittle Fings, Part Forty-One.

2011-09-19T13:00:00.000-05:00

We were out at my parent's house, and Mom and Ali were picking flowers. All the while, Noah and I were getting swarmed by mosquitoes.

Gramamma: "Okay, Ali - let's be all done now. Your Mom and Noah are getting eaten up by mosquitoes."

Ali: "But we can pick some more because that would take FOREVER! Mommy and Noah are big and mosquito's mouths are teeny tiny. They won't be eaten all up for a LONG TIME!!"

Ali, consoling me about turning 30 next month: "Well, you won't die when you're 30. People don't die when they're 30 even because they're old."

Noah laughed. Ali always has an explanation for his doings, so told me, "I think he's pretending that there are clowns in Mississippi."

We got to Gramamma's house one day, and Ali was struck with a memory... "Oh! I had a dream about you, Gramamma! I dreamed that you needed to go tee tee but I had to move all the spoons because they were in the way. And I was eating marshmallows!!"

Ali was in the backseat, and she started making a siren noise. Then she explained, "That tells you there is something that will get you. A tornado or a bear or a monster. Or a bad robot."

The Pompadour.

2011-09-01T16:00:00.001-05:00

What happens the next day after your hair is styled into a Mohawk while still wet…