No… no, I am not. As long as there is hearty cleavage and/or kids doing adorable things in the world, I. Won’t. Stop. Pandering.

You might as well sit back and enjoy it.

Someone on my Twitter feed actually said, “Uh, but is that a little girl in a boy’s costume?” And then I assume they drooled and breathed heavily through their gaping mouth. Because they’re stupid.

Too much. Just…. too much adorbz. Shut up, baby.

Kids’ Harry Potter and Hermoine costumes. Sometimes I want to adopt a little white baby just so I can dress it up like this. And then I remember they require feeding and diaper-changing.

Kid’s Mad Hatter costume. Wow, eh? Couldn’t care about the movie, but I can appreciate some smash-up cosplay.

Kid’s Speedy costume. And the look on his face definitely doesn’t indicate that this whole thing was dad’s idea.

Kid’s Wonder Woman costume. She doesn’t want to fight you but she totally will, man!

BABY THOR! I love that everything is mini-Thor-sized, except for the hammer.

Hell, why not bring grandma along next time, too.

HI, KIDS!

Click for higher-rez version
Ah, yes. The inevitable Comic-Con Slave Leia group shot. Almost as much of a spectacle? The panting fanboys who immediately swarm the scene, as seen in the video, below.

Available in HD when viewed fullscreen.

Hottest mom at Comic-Con? Perhaps. But I know one thing’s for sure: this kid is veeeeery popular amongst his schoolmates.

Slave Leia cosplay prima donnas. I actually had to ask twice to get their picture. You know what, sweethearts? Eat something.

I only hope the picture does this woman justice. By far, this 6′+ tall “alternative” Slave Leia is the most devastatingly-sexy Leia I’ve seen at any Con. I can only assume that’s Wilmer Valderrama under the helmet.

I like a Slave Leia who can take me in an arm-wrestling contest.

Tank Girl costume. Who also happened to be a performer at Topless Robot’s Nerd Burlesque show, and the proud owner of a pair of The Crazy Eyes.

Street Fighter costumes. Pretty sure both the ridiculous hair and the ridiculous bulge are real.

Ok. Let’s identify this one together. I’ll start. “Rabbit.” Ok. Now it’s your turn.

Pedobear costume. In a fit of irony, I touched him inappropriately.

Plants vs. Zombies costumes.

Pretty sure I should know what this is. But I’m certain that I don’t care.

Sue Storm costume. Her wig was made from 100% human hair. From 13 different donors.

Me: “What are you supposed to be?” Her: “I don’t know.” Me: “So, basically, you had a pair of fish net stockings in your closet, and you were like, hey, this is what I’ll wear to Comic-Con…?” Her: “Yeah.”

Spike and Drusilla costumes. Excellent costumes, and I tend to treat Whedonites gently, anyway. Sweet, dorky bastards that they are.

Barf costume from Spaceballs.

Beetle Juice costume.

“Steampunk” costume. Me: “You need more brass or goggles or something.”

Catwoman and Gunslinger costumes.

Crossplay Mad Hatter and Link costumes. Now that I think about it, this is the first time I’ve seen a dude dress up as Link. And he should consider that perhaps there’s a reason for that.

Ultimale costume. Him: “People look at the symbol and see different things.” Me: “I see a penis.” Him: “Ha. Right.”

Crossplay Green Hornet costume. Alternatively: a jacket topper on a leg cake.

Homer Simpson costume.

A Tentacle Rape Fairy Costume. I AM NOT JOKING. She handed me her card. And that’s what it said.

Black Cat and Spider-Man costumes. Whew. I haven’t seen a costume with cleavage for about five minutes, and I was getting antsy.

Nick Fury costume. Who apparently stole his gun from a 1950s B-movie space man.

Paper bag costumes. Because I’m finishing strong!

What a relief. I wonder if this is what getting a colon-cleansing feels like.

An uncanny Robert Downey Jr. as Iron Man impersonator. I wonder if he does kids’ birthday parties. Ha, ha. Just kidding. He DEFINITELY does kids’ birthdays.

Sexy Sleeping Beauty costume. And her friend. Whose boobs are apparently filled with poison. BEWARE.

Crossplay Han Solo and Lady Vader costumes. My loins asked me to pass along a message, and it goes a little something like, “Hooray!” (Photo courtesy of my friend Kristin of Geek Girls Network.)

I detect Tim Burton-ness. But otherwise, couldn’t tell you a thing.

Hawkgirl costume. A fine costume, but I do ask that all cosplayers please respect the potentially-hazardous powers of pleather, spandex, and bare skin.

Anyone know what’s going on here? You know, besides boobs, spandex, and a little bit of crazy-time? UPDATE: Morrigan from Dark Stalkers.

A Star Trek Red Shirt costume. After having received the beating he so richly deserved.

Crossplay Joker and Cirque du Soleil Harley Quinn.

Catwoman, crossplay Robin, Harley Quinn, and crossplay Riddler costumes.

Captain America costume and crossplay. Who says steroids aren’t good for you, ladies? You know, assuming you like having really, really masculine features. (Think she’s hiding a bulge?)

The Last Airbender Appa costume. Which might be the best thing I’ve ever seen, just short of a topless Appa costume.

Futurama Leela costume. Who, appropriately, has her blaster pointed right at a photobomb.

Shredder costume. Who knew that dress-length, sleeveless t-shirt would come in handy?

The self-proclaimed “Classy Lanterns.” Which I can only assume means that they have power rings and don’t put out on the first date.

Venture Bros. Dr. Girlfriend costume.

Team Fortress 2 Scout costume. Now featuring: hipster beard!

Warren the Ape costume. And some guy having a conversation about melons.

Princess Leia costume. Playing a bit of “tie me up” with her daddy.

I don’t know… carnie?

Star Trek cosplayers. Yeah, don’t let us interrupt your lunch. Or your selection of a horrible canon for costume inspiration.

Harry Potter crossplay costumes. There’s “porn parody” written all over this.

Jedi costume. With just a hint of Barf from Spaceballs.

Incredible Hulk costume. I think my exact words to him were: “Uh, that’s moderately convincing.”

Anime blah blah. I just like giant keys.

Master Chief costume. And a Lego minifig costume that went awry.

Team Fortress 2 Soldier costume.

Tron costume. You’re a little too gleeful, there, program.

Steampunk? Venture Bros? Cartoon Nazis? Actual Nazis?

Scarecrow and Harley Quinn costumes. And a sickle. Whatever.

Bruce Lee and crossplay Deadpool costumes. Lady Deadpool was very popular. ‘Cause, you know… “Hey, it’s Deadpool! Hey, there’s boobs!”

Predator costumes. And what I suspect is a really lazy nerd.

I want to say this is a Miyazaki character of some sort. Which should be enough. But there’s at least three of you who can’t wait to tell me that I’m wrong or not right enough.

Tusken Raider costume. Or, as I called him, “Hey, Fonzi Tusken Raider.”

Luchador costume. Because free hugs are for the weak.

Team Fortress 2 Spy costume. Smoking is cool, kids! But not as cool as puffing on a really soggy, unlit cigarette all day.

A hell of a lot of zombies participated in the walk; it took about ten minutes for all of them to shuffle/stumble/stroll by me while I took video. The zombie costumes were much like the other Comic-Con costumes in that they ranged from the terrible and lazy to the spectacular and hilarious. (You haven’t lived ’til you’ve seen cosplaying zombie children staying in character.)

So, if you like the idea of spectating a zombie walk while listening to me offer constructive guidance to the “zombies” and also occasionally gleefully giggle like a schoolgirl of diminutive stature… then this is the video for you. You’ll probably want to watch the first minute or so, then skip around.

P.S. Sorry for the sudden cuts and changing aspect ratio of the video. Spielberg, I am not.

Find the Zombie Protest Hoodie on ThinkGeek

Mad Eye Moody costume. Extra points for authenticity. Points deducted for authentically creeping me out.

Emma Frost / White Queen costume. Quite admirable: she’s not just sexy, she’s also a conservationist. Hardly any cows at all had to die to provide the leather for her skimpy costume.

Mystique and Rogue costumes. I think somebody was just looking for a good excuse to wear her skull belt.

Punisher costume and… Jean Grey, maybe? I don’t know. Someone will certainly yell at me in the comments if I’m wrong.

Witch costume. A tall, attractive woman covering herself up in layers? You don’t see that every day at Comic-Con. Or life.

Hawaiian Stormtroopers. Yawn town.

Lunch Lady Leia. (Note the hair nets.)

Psyloche costume. Let my poor camera work be noted, here; she is not actually 80% torso and 20% legs.

Cross-race-play Storm costume.

Indiana Jones costume. And his Asian lady doppelganger. (Everyone has one. It’s science.)

Justice League costumes. And you couldn’t use your power ring to whip up a garter or something? With tight spandex comes great responsibility, sir.

Dr. Horrible and crossplay Captain Hammer costume. It’s gonna be tough to pull off the, “The hammer is my penis” line.

Black Widow costume and… friend? I suspect this “costume” was formulated based on having (1) a green wig and (2) a desire to show some skin. Which, you know… I applaud.

Oompa Loompa costume. To me, this requires more bravery than donning spandex. And she pulls it off like a champ.

Batman and Wonder Woman costumes. C- for execution, A+ for attitude. And adorableness.

And this is…?

Sabertooth and Daken(?) costumes. Although, I believe Daken only has two claws per hand. (And you should definitely imagine me saying that last bit with a haughty lisp, a la Comic Book Guy.)

Hrm. I don’t know, but I like. Some people can get away with wearing spandex “just because.”

Darkseid costume, guest-starring Lex Luthor. This brings me joy.

Robin costume. And he made the utility belt himself. Out of hemp, I bet. Damn pot heads.

Why, yes, I’d love to join your cult.

…Yeah.

Costumes of Batman’s rogues gallery. The short, squat version.

Mr. T costume. Platonic winner of my heart.

Shut up, anime cosplay kids.

I’ve given up on today’s youth.

Fuggin’ fantastic Scarecrow costume from Arkham Asylum.

I don’t know what you’re supposed to be, but your new name is Blue Space Bunny of Adorbz.

A Harley Quinn costume with the cleavage to back it up. Now with video.

Ghostbusters costume. Whatever.

And then there’s this guy.

Zatanna costume. I wonder who was pawing at the crotchal region in her stockings. Or if she even noticed.

More anime. I give up.

Scarecrow Yellow Lantern costume. Because, hey… contemporary!

Mini-Deadpool costume.

Uh. Star Trek something or other?

Me: “Who are you?” Him: “Captain Eo.” Me: “Oh, I didn’t see it right away. Because you’re not Michael Jackson.” Him: “Yeah, I’m not black. Um. Or white.”

Slave Leia costume. And he’s dressed as the most popular kid in his school.

Halo blah blah?

Warhammer costume. I know I’ve been going to Comic-Con for too long because I know I’ve seen him at least once before.

Joker and Harley Quinn costumes. A.k.a., “Ok, so we’ve got some white make-up. What can we do with it? Borg? No. Vampires? No. What’s left?”

Batgirl, Joker, and Harley Quinn costumes. TOO JOLLY.

He’s a tree from Princess Mononoke that has spirits in it. No joke. And if you can decipher what I just said, congratulations.

Mini-Chun Li costume.

Hello.

Rikku costume from Final Fantasy. Similar, but different.

Sure, it’s just regular old steampunk, but… wrist-mounted crossbow. Yeah. So. She gets a pass.

And the future ex-Mrs. Great White Snark gets a pass for her otherwise-unremarkable steampunk costume, too. Obviously.

Hello, Giant Ghost Rider, my old friend.

Help me out here, people. American Maid and Sewer Urchin from The Tick. [wink, point, click!] to everyone who helped out on Twitter, Facebook, and in the comments.

Drunk steampunk boat captain costume. (I’m guessing.)

Indiana Jones costume.

Super Mario Bros. costumes. Of adorableness! Keep it up, you two. Thankfully, most relationships are glued together based on an ability to look good in matching-theme costumes.

“Hey, Giant Captain Mal Reynolds, can I get a picture?”

Poison Ivy costume. I love that I caught that guy halfway into a not-subtle double-take.

Costumes of Hellboy and… lady friend? Either way, please make it stop.

Wait. Ren Faire bullshit? How’d that get in here?

Voltron costume. With 1,237 points of articulation.

Hey, what’s up. I’m Wolverine or whatever.

Medusa costume. She’s not trying to turn you to stone; I think she’s in the process of forming a smile.

Jigsaw costume from Saw. NOW IN 3D.

Goblin King costume from Labyrinth. Wow, “Mr.” Bowie wanted to make damn certain that we didn’t miss that bulge, eh?

Wonder Woman, Poison Ivy, and Ms. Marvel costumes. Not getting a big “geek” vibe, here. I wonder if they trotted their cleavage out to Comic-Con this weekend as some sort of charity work.

Batwoman costume. Not a reflection on this young lady, but it wouldn’t kill some of you other spandexed nerds to cover up your business with a cape.

Ewok costumes. I like it when people choose size-appropriate costumes.

Rogue costume. Hey, way to have a perfectly good costume and not be particularly noteworthy in a way that would draw quips, lady.

Ironette costume. Iron Man crossplay. Yes, thanks.

An “original creation.” Goes by the name of National Eagle. Or Patriot Eagle. Mustard Eagle. Something like that. Definitely has “eagle” in the name. Anyway.

You know, I seriously can’t tell if some of these people are wearing a costume or not. Yet, they let me take their picture.

Leprechaun costume. Or, as I called out to him: “Hey, giant Leprachaun, can I get a picture?”

The Pope.

Lara Croft costume. She’s on her latest adventure, “Tomb Raider: Mystery of the Missing Calories.”

Evil Dead Ash costume. Or as I called out to him: “Hey, mini-Bruce Campbell!” Nerd cosplayers are so patient.