Group Hug Live

I will never, NEVER, show them the true …

ScrewEverything — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 02:36:00 +0000

I will never, NEVER, show them the true anger and hatred I feel. I will never let those horrible rotten boys who insist on every waking moment throwing taunts like ‘dyke’ or ‘bitch’ at me see how they make me feel. I will hold my head up and tell them to fuck off. Never will I let them see the way I cry when I get home. The way I have to slam my fist into the doors and cabinets in order to keep myself from cutting.

I will always play the bitch who doesn’t care. I will not give them the satisfaction.

#120207/ 2148 Today I felt blank again…..

hi, how are you — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 22:15:00 +0000

#120207/ 2148
Today I felt blank again… I had some whiskey in my locker. I know I shouldn’t… I was with Lily and R. I started talking about my life and feeling melancholic. I wrapped my arms arround him. I’m so very drunk, I kept saying. We made out. It felt really nice. Weird but nice… I guess I was fucking horrible. I’had never french kissed before, I was drunk as fuck and ended up biting him.
It was a sunny and warm afternoon… I wish I had stayed longer. I couldnt walk straight but I had to hurry for my band rehersal.
Walking arround the city with an idiotic smile in my face… I played really well. My teacher complimented me. I didn’t feel paralysed as I usually do. I just played some random melody without even thinking.
I can’t help but to think of that moment… Damn…

I feel homesick as fuck!

quiteabitch — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 21:30:53 +0000

I feel homesick as fuck!

I believe in equal rights for women, min…

MountainTock — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 06:30:41 +0000

I believe in equal rights for women, minorities, disabled, all religions, and so forth. I even spend a good deal of my time crusading for them. Nobody knows that I actually hate women, non-whites, cripples, religious people, foreigners, and pretty much everything I’m not.

Just because I believe in equal rights, doesn’t mean I’m not racist, sexist, and every other -ist there is.

i’m learning to be a lady i’m afraid…

buddingwithscars — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 11:40:47 +0000

i’m learning to be a lady. i’m afraid i’ll end up being a fake bitch.

I still suppress my anger at times I…

buddingwithscars — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 11:38:37 +0000

I still suppress my anger at times. I feel like I have no place to vent, honestly. I have a Tumblr, but my boyfriend insisted on me giving it to him. He can’t take that I still miss B. He told me that he knew where the gas station and the matches were. He cries to the stuffed animals I gave him. I don’t know why I’m so inpatient with him. I’m just tired of being frustrated.

I still have dreams of being stuck in a psych ward. I don’t want to be there anymore.

So I arrived yesturday to New Zealand The…

quiteabitch — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 20:20:37 +0000

So I arrived yesturday to New Zealand. The airport made me feel lonely, since I had to travel all alone and when I was on the plain I just wanted to break down and cry but I wrote it away. When I arrived everything was better, I was taken into the home where Im staying which is amazing.in front of the sea and the “parents” were very warm and welcoming. I spoke to my now kind of boyfriend for a long time… He keptsaying he missed me and he cared for me and that I was very pretty and that I was gonna have so much fun and that we’d make it thoughout these six months. I had to leave, and then when I came back he wasnt online and it was 11 pm in Colombia. I asked a friend to call his cousin and tell him to call him and ask him if he could get online. Later I learned that he was sick with fever but that he just wanted to speak to me so he got up =) I have high expectations for this trip, but Im also happy that the day I come back Ill have a reason to =)

When he kisses me all I can think…

fivebyfive — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 13:51:13 +0000

When he kisses me, all I can think of is her and her dimpled grin.

We’re three good friends We feel comfortable toguether…

hi, how are you — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 21:12:37 +0000

We’re three good friends. We feel comfortable toguether. They are sweet and like me for who I am. We were sitting on the bench and the conversation started to warm up. That tension… We were too shy to make the first move so we only had a few kisses.
Thinking about this afternoon makes me feel weird. I really enjoyed it. I don’t know why, I feel kind of slutty. There is nothing wrong about it. It even made me feel better about myself. I’m confused…

I find it funny how when you’re happy…

quiteabitch — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 18:54:50 +0000

I find it funny how when you’re happy, being in a relationship can be a threat for everything you’ve built, but when you’re a sad person… A good relationship feels like fucking salvation

I don’t want to leave He makes me…

quiteabitch — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 03:35:44 +0000

I don’t want to leave. He makes me feel happy and worth it… He makes me feel like every single thing I do is special. He’s so sexy and he’s respectful and I don’t want to leave cause I’m very happy here, and I just feel like I’m wasting all this time and money and I am afraid as fuck that everything I’ve built with so much effort won’t be here anymore when I’m back.

Forget it I think that he is all…

quiteabitch — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 08:44:25 +0000

Forget it, I think that he is all I’ve been looking for in a relationship. And yeah, maybe he’s not my dream guy, but that’s what loving someone is about, it is about accepting the other’s imperfections. And I’m willing to do it if just for a guy who shows me not all of them are the same.

Feeling violent Feelig so full of energy feeling…

hi, how are you — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 22:57:08 +0000

Feeling violent. Feelig so full of energy. feeling powerfull and radiant. Feeling energy. Feeling like running. feeling like screaming. feeling bold. Feeling no respect. Feeling horny. Feeling like going out to run even thoug is a a quarter to eleven. Feeling like telling my mother and my neighbors to go fuck themselves. Feeling like drinking a glass of whisky. Feeling like smoking a joint. Feeling like writing. feeling like talking, feeling like sdrawing. Feeling like playing the piano. feeling like improvising feeling like showing off feeling like trying to hold up the ideas, the thougts everything rudshing rushing toofast for me tto hokld it. feeling like loosing and not givinaz a fuck. feelig anger. feeling the rage dominating me feelig, like hurting myself bad. feeling like dancing. feeling like calling someone. Feeling good. Feeling great. Fuck yeah…
i’m sooo fucked… Cheers to that! FUCK!
I should consider taking medication again…
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUJUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

He said since he left Germany he hated…

quiteabitch — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 06:48:56 +0000

He said since he left Germany he hated it here, but since he met me everything was better, and he hated the fact that I was leaving. I think that he is wiling to wait till I come back, but I am not sure I want a relationship with him. What is wrong with me?

He is in love with another boy It…

hi, how are you — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 19:57:01 +0000

He is in love with another boy. It seems to be going well. It vanished some time ago.
Today I thought it would be really nice to kiss him. But probably I’m just needy.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this one guy. But I’m too frightened.

I’m in my first relationship ever and it’s…

moongirl — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 12:28:06 +0000

I’m in my first relationship ever and it’s with a woman who is six years older than I am. Before me, she said she had one boyfriend a few years ago that only lasted for about a month. I’m growing to really love her, I’m happy with her… like something that was missing has been found… I don’t know… these feelings are confusing, but when we talk about how everything is going with our relationship and how we feel… I feel like everything will be okay as long as our communication remains strong. She’s just as confused and somewhat scared as I am, but we both comfort one another.

I just wish I could tell my extremely catholic mother about her, how she makes me feel…

He goes on and on about his feelings…

ScrewEverything — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 03:30:36 +0000

He goes on and on about his feelings,
and, damn, I just wanna get high.

I was thinking today, that high is the perfect word to describe what we do.
We get on another level, Everything feels new and good, and free.
It stings, of course, and the slight nose bleed can’t be good, but its worth it.
You snort your lines, tip your head back and fucking relax.
With that relaxation, you float up to your new level.

Its different for everyone, but I’d say mine is up there. When I’m high, thats who I wanna be.
When I take Molly, or snort my Oxys, I’m nice, I can talk. I turn into the person that shuns
the world at school, and I’m not sure why. I think its just my personality. If I can’t feel nice,
I can’t show nice. But to take a pill or a couple shots before my day, to me feels right.

I don’t know whats wrong with me, I feel like in my mind I glamorize it,
But at the same time, it isn’t glamorized, because when I do it, its all that I want,
all that I make it out to be when I crave it. It isn’t made out to be great and then not
live up to expectations. Its always up to my expectations. I don’t even mind
the vomiting anymore. I guess it just shaves off a couple of pounds.

Sometimes I don’t know who I am anymore. Will I like this person next year?
I feel like the using and abusing should make my answer be, ‘no.’
But my answer is yes, because Im happy, and its not like its taking over my life.
I still have all A’s. I got a 27 on the practice ACT, so when I apply myself,
I should get a 30 on the real one, and then next year I’ll graduate and have
a full ride through out college. I’ll get my degree in medicine and help people.

I think if I end up helping people, I’ll never regret my own recklessness.

#120116 Today I had some spare time I…

hi, how are you — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 23:59:16 +0000

#120116 Today I had some spare time. I bought a pack of cigarettes. The sky was petrol blue. I sat on a bench in the square in front of my school. There is a statue of a soldier carrying a little boy, to honour the War heroes. I reminded of my uncles and their horrid war memories, blank and empty as if they were soaked up in lye.
There is another school facing the square. Both of them are unnecessarily equiped with the best tecnology and modern architecture. The walls are so white and blinding in the morning. Their environment is completely different.
The other school’s corridors, wich I attended two years ago look like a hospital, smell like a hospital.
It is the best high school in the country.
A teacher wants me to act a shitty play. I sat on the bench to read the script. Two girls and a boy from my old scool were arround, talking and laughing. I didn’t bother to greet them. Spoiled arrogant brats. I lighted a cigarrete, trying not to loose myself between the smoky dizziness and the frivolous characters and their strangely arranged dialogues. Someone calls my name… I look arround but no one looks back. My name is not that common… Again… Again… I ignore it.
Two boys approach me. I know them. One of them was talking to the girls. The other was a classmate in 6th grade. They ask me to sit next to me. I try really hard to focus on my reading, I treat them with as much indifference as I can. All I can do is to flip the pages nervously. They laugh. I am as cold and unpleasant as I can be. The two girls aproach us. I do not say a thing. They look at me as if I were mental and ask me if I remember them. I do not retribute their smile, just a nod. They keep laughing and smiling and apologising for the boys. They go away. I feel sick. I want another cigarrete but if I have another one I’ll throw up.
Do you know brain numbness, the feeling of being drenched up in lye?
A glimpse of what my life used to be. It is comforting to have something you can always count with.
At least boys look at me.

I’ve been thinking about him

hi, how are you — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 20:36:13 +0000

I’ve been thinking about him.

My grandmother says I’m getting too thin I…

hi, how are you — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 14:07:17 +0000

My grandmother says I’m getting too thin. I should be worried. Instead I feel happier and happier.