There is so much I want to tell you.

But, there are times to write about what is happening and other times to get busy making it happen.

In my day job as a project manager, I would say that this class I’m teaching is a high risk. I’m teaching storytelling, a personal and language-based topic, to students of a different culture and who don’t speak my language. It’s a new class, teaching isn’t my day job and it’s not like I have an MFA in storytelling either.

But, some of the accomplishments I’m most proud of are ones that didn’t make logical sense. There is adventure in doing something that might seem like a bad idea. And I’ve been doing it every day and late into the night for a while now. I want it to make it great.

Which is why I haven’t been posting. I haven’t forgotten about y’all. I just need to finish this class first. And go on an anniversary vacation with my sweetie during which I’m NOT going to work on the class. Those two things. Which I hope will both happen before I get on the plan to Lithuania in just a few weeks.

I’ll be back.

Because there is so much I want to tell you.

At the beginning of my trip in 1995, I thought I was pretty brave for coming all the way to Lithuania without knowing what I was doing. Well, I mean, without knowing all the answers ahead of time or knowing what to expect. I took a leap of faith and it was going well so far, well, I mean, after I found the conference.

In bits and pieces, I learned more about the context of the conference. The mission of the conference was for US and Canadian teachers to share Western methods of education with Lithuanian teachers in an effort to promote Lithuania’s new democracy. That seemed like a lot. I wasn’t sure how that worked.

Lithuania had gained independence from the Soviet Union and communism just five years before. The new democracy was young and there were still big questions about how it would work and if it would work. Some American educators of Lithuanian descent, some of whom were born in Lithuania and had left after WWII, wanted to help their home country. Education is what they knew, so they started the APPLE conference.

There were a few themes of the conference. One was computers, since under communism, the schools didn’t have computers. Another was Special Education, because the communist system institutionalized the differently-abled, without teaching them life skills or potential work skills. Another was English, because Lithuanians spoke Lithuanian, an ancient language that was a derivative of sanscrit, which was very  cool, but not able to support business or cultural communication with other countries.

One of the American teachers told me about when she taught during the first year of the conference. The first year was done in secret, without permission from the government. Gaining independence from the Soviet Union wasn’t a ON/OFF switch that was triggered in a specific moment, it happened in steps and stages, with gaps and overlaps along the way. The American teachers didn’t want to wait until all the shifting people in power agreed or all the required forms were signed, so they started probably earlier than they should have, when communist security was still in place.

This American teacher had been born in Lithuania and had left with her family when she was a little girl. She was proud of her country and its promising independence. She had watched the 50 years of communism from afar, not able to help. Now was her time to do all she could, in any way she knew how.

It was the last night of the secret conference and the teachers were having a meal at a restaurant. All visitors were assigned government “guides” during their trip and these guides were watching them eat at the restaurant. At the end of the meal, this teacher stood up and started singing a Lithuanian folk song. The other teachers joined her. This was an act of protest that was outlawed by the communists. You could go to jail for something like this. You could not be heard from again for something like this.

The government guides were on alert. They were watching her, the one who was leading this singing. She knew she was at risk.

When the song was over, she said her goodbyes and got in the car of a friend. She hadn’t checked out of her hotel, but she knew she couldn’t go back there. Her friend drove her to the train station. She bought a ticket on the next train that was leaving the country. She got on the train and didn’t look back.

Was I brave to come to Lithuania? No, I was not brave. She was brave. To come a year too early instead of wait. To be defiant and break the law before the laws were changed. To love her country and act for her country before it was safe. She was the brave one.

Stay tuned for a story or two about this year’s trip, just one month away. Am I ready? No, most definitely not…

Some times even the best made plans don’t work out.

A few minutes into teaching my prepared lessons in the Computer Science strand, I had to ditch my lessons and make everything up.

The APPLE coordinator for this strand explained that the Lithuanian teachers wanted to know about computers, but most of them worked in schools that didn’t have computers and many of them hadn’t used a computer before.

I thought I came up with a creative solution. Computer Science theory uses symbol sets and rules of behavior that represent computer logic. The exercises can be done with pencil and paper. Computer Science theory doesn’t allow you to write a document or a program or do anything at all practical, but it allows a person to have a deeper understanding of what was going on inside the machine.

It felt like a good plan and it gave me confidence. My teaching experience was with adults in Junior College. Some of the students were eighteen-years-old, just out of High School and learning programming for the first time. But, others were older and more experienced. It could be that they had programmed for fifteen years, written patented, scientific algorithms and directed computer safety at the nuclear power plant, they were just taking my class to pick up a new programming language. It was a trick of confidence and grace, when teaching students with more experience than me.

Now, I felt confident. I had impressive and profound Computer Science theory lectures to present to students who could not be intimidating, because they were starting at the very beginning.

That is what I felt, anyway.

Until I started my first lesson.

I began with the initial explanation of what a symbol set is and an example of a rule. I paused every sentence or two for the interpreter to translate. I was looking around the room for clues that the students were engaged and interested.

Then, a woman raised her hand. She held up a 5 1/4 inch floppy disk. (Do you remember the kind that really were floppy?) She asked, through the interpreter, “How can I tell what is on this?”

The other students shook their heads up and down. They wanted to know too. They were not interested in Computer Science theory.

Computers may not be in their school now, but they were on the way, and they wanted to know what the computers could do and how they could get them to do it.

I set aside my lecture notes. I saw before me two weeks and twenty hours of class time that I was no longer prepared for. I drew the basic diagram on the board – CPU, RAM, inputs, outputs and storage. We would start at the beginning.

Stay tuned for the next post about why an American teacher, who was born in Lithuania, was the brave one.

What happened to the bottom of the graphic? I don’t know. The show is at 8pm and costs $8.

What is storytelling really? I say I’m going to Lithuania to teach storytelling, but what is that? Reading story books to kids in the library? Telling a ghost story by the campfire? Confessing about that time you were so drunk and you woke up in your best friend’s brother’s bed?

It’s all that, but I tell true, personal stories without notes, Moth-like. It’s a mix between a speech, stand-up comedy, writing, improv and therapy (of an alternative nature). The stories are about what really happened to me. The performances by multiple storytellers are usually around a theme.

You can see it live and in person when I will tell a story titled, When I Almost Killed My Grandma, with The Story Department on Tuesday night. The theme is Mommy Dearest and my story takes place in Portugal, when my Grandma served as my temporary Mom, even though I was almost 30 years old. Catherine Berry, winner of Best of the Fest at Frontera Fest this year, will also be telling a story. It’s just $8, to raise money for a non-profit that teaches writing to kids. Come if you can, because you are going to want to know more about my super young Portuguese boyfriend.

I wrote recently about getting lost in Lithuania as soon as I arrived. Here is what happened next.

In one last ditch, completely crazy attempt to not sleep on the airport bench that night, I walked up to the information desk and asked a young lady with a friendly face and askede, “Do you speak English?”

“Yes,” she said.

Then I asked a far more difficult question, “I’m with APPLE and I can’t find my ride. Can you help me?”

“Yes, I can help you,” she said. “Your ride will be here at 2:00.”

This was feeling more like Harry Potter’s spells and magic all the time.

My ride did arrive at 2:00.

Drivers with APPLE had been coming to the airport a few times a day for a few days in a row and the lady at the information desk had been helping the drivers connect with passengers. Her seemingly magical knowledge was also a result of being in a much smaller country with one International airport that had one gate and one baggage claim that didn’t even need numbers. It made it easier to find what you were looking for, some of the time anyway.

My driver was picking up someone else at 2:00, but he was glad to see me. APPLE had incorrect flight information for me, so they had tried to pick my up the day before.  And, yes, he knew where the bank was where I could get money, several people in the group would be going later in the day. And after the bank, I would have a hot dinner  and a comfortable bed at night. The next day, I would have a ride to the city where I would be teaching, which I learned was Kedainiai.

I made a promise to myself to always have an address with me when I traveled. I was sure it would be a very, very, very long time before I made the same mistake again and got so lost that I didn’t know where I would sleep. It would most certainly happen again in Lithuania, for heaven’s sake… right?

Going Back to The First Story

I’m Just Going To Show Up…Try Not To Get Lost…And See What Happens

It Is Not Possible to Get More Lost, Part 1

It Is Not Possible to Get More Lost, Part 2

The Best Made Plans

She Was the Brave One

The Blessed Virgin Mary Mother of Mercy religious icon at St. Theresa’s Church protects the city of Vilnius.

It was my first trip to Lithuania, in 1995. I had been in the country for five minutes when I got lost in the country. I knew I was in the right country, but we were just meeting in Vilnus and I didn’t even know the city where I would be teaching. I also didn’t have any money. I would probably have to sleep on this airport bench tonight and maybe forever.

I backpacked Western Europe for five weeks first, then I arrived at the Berlin airport for my flight to Lithuania. My boarding pass said my gate number was 14 1/2.

This was before Harry Potter. But when I saw Harry Potter catch the train to Hogwarts for the first time, it felt oddly familiar.

I arrived between gates 14 and 15 early and there was no gate 14 1/2. A nearby gate agent said I just needed to believe, and walk on through the brick wall. Just kidding. She said to wait and it would appear, and it did.

A woman in an airline uniform pushed a lightweight podium on a dolly, she set it down between gates 14 and 15, then she put the dolly off to the side. She picked up a clipboard and a pen off the podium and she motioned for a few of us who looked like we were looking for a gate to come her way.

My flight from Berlin to Lithuania was on Air Lithuania, an airline I knew nothing about, run by a country I knew nothing about. Airlines were supposed to have lots of permanent gates and big airplanes and many huge mainframe computers to manage the operations of complex and modern aircraft. So, at least I wanted to know if the printout on her clipboard was from a computer printer instead of a typewriter or, even worse, a pen.

I couldn’t get a good look and I decided I didn’t want to know. I would get on the plane either way.

After the ten or fifteen of us were checked off on a list, the gate agent moved the podium to the side with the dolly. Then she lead us through a security door, down a set of stairs and onto the tarmac.

She lead us onto a bus and the bus took us a long way, past the big runways, to the very edge of the airport property. As we got off the bus, I saw an especially tiny plane.

The plane sat low to the ground, so when the door was opened at the tail of the plane, the top of the door reached the ground. There were steps on the inside of the door and we climbed inside. The gate agent followed us. She was also our flight attendant. Wait a second, is that guy that just put on the captain’s hat our bus driver? Uh, maybe not, but I think the flight attendant was our co-pilot, either that or there was no co-pilot.

Midway through the flight, I reflected on this part of my summer trip. I was grateful I had taken the time to travel before starting work after college. I was grateful I had found a job to extend my trip and to get to know one place more deeply.

With equal conviction, I also thought, GOD DAMN IT, WHY DO I DO THINGS LIKE THIS? I COULD BE ON A BEACH IN FRANCE, SOAKING IN THE SUNSHINE THEN HAVING A RELAXING DINNER IN THE HOSTEL COURTYARD WITH PIZZA AND A WHOLE BOTTLE OF WINE. WHY WOULD I VOLUNTARILY GO SOMEWHERE WHERE I KNOW ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!?!?!?!?!?!?

It was amazing how little I knew about what would come next. I only knew that someone from APPLE would meet me at the airport.

Ha, I thought, in that way that happens when you are a bit nervous already, what if they didn’t show up? Ha, ha, ha. That would be funny. Because I didn’t have any information at all about the conference with me. Just my contact’s number in the US, but she was already in Lithuania. I wasn’t a complete idiot. I had prepared lessons and I had mailed materials and professional clothes ahead of time, evidence that I had the Vilnius address at one point. I knew how to be prepared, but I just plain forgot to bring the address with me. Ha, that would be funny, if they didn’t show up. Well, there as no reason to worry about that, something that would never happen. Ha. Ha.

I would have been way more nervous if I knew at the time that I also didn’t have any money. I thought I had money, because I went to the money exchange place to get Lithuanian money, but they misheard me and they gave me Hungarian money. I had US money and a credit card, but at that time in Lithuania, no one took credit cards and there was only one bank in the country that could exchange money or do a cash advance on a credit card and this bank was not at the airport.

And whatever answer I came up with, I would have to communicate it in creative hand gestures, because I had been told that very few people in Lithuania spoke English. The conference used interpreters to translate between English and Lithuanian.

I sat down with my coffee in the cafe of the Vilnus airport. The man working the cash register let me have it for free, when he saw me realize that I had multiple forms of completely useless money. I started to think about what my next step would be, but I couldn’t think of even one possible thing…

(Stay tuned for the second half of this story coming soon…)

Carol in Lithuania, 65 days and counting. 

I could have used a shot of tequila to help give me the courage to press the CONFIRM button for my flight to Lithuania. I will be away from my little girls for 16 days. They will be with Grandparents and with Blue Eyes and at summer camps during the day, but 16 days? REALLY? I don’t have a single concrete and absolute reason I must go and I’m not in my twenties anymore! What is going on around here!?!?!?!

But my gut told me I need to go. I clicked on SUBMIT.

Thanks, everyone, for the questions last week. Here is my first answer…

Question: Why Lithuania?

Answers:

I’m going to an education conference in Lithuania now because I taught at this same conference almost twenty years ago and I’ve always wanted to go back.

But, why Lithuania the first time?

1. I was pretty poor.

I had just finished my Computer Science degree at the University of Texas and my net worth was -$7,000. I wanted to travel during the summer before starting work without creating a heap of credit card debt. So, I backpacked Western Europe for five weeks, then spent two weeks teaching at the conference, where my room and board were paid.

2. I didn’t want to be only a tourist.

I was also pretty poor the first time I graduated college, in a year I won’t mention, so instead of studying abroad or backpacking, I found a job in England for the summer. I got to really know people and learn how we were the same and how we were different. I got to visit their homes and eat their regular dinners and hear what they talked about over regular dinners. I got to drink beer in the neighborhood pub with real neighbors. I enjoyed the people I met at the job just as much, and sometimes more, than seeing the tourist sites.

3. This was before the Internet.

I found a CLASSIFIED AD in a NEWSPAPER asking for proposals to teach at a summer conference in Lithuania. Now, an Internet search could lead to dozens or hundreds of summer job opportunities overseas, but then, it wasn’t easy to find. I applied for this one job and, lucky for me, I got it.

Looking back, I don’t think I knew anything about Lithuania then. Without the Internet or a Smart Phone or my own personal World Atlas, I don’t even think I knew where it was. I might have known that it recently gained independence from the Soviet Union. Maybe. (UT does have a library or two, but I don’t remember looking anything up about Lithuania. Strange, huh?)

Also, I didn’t know what the conference was really about. I didn’t have a recommendation or reference of any kind. I didn’t know the teaching format. I knew that the dress was business casual, because I asked about that. That is just about all I knew.

I just showed up.

And then I immediately got lost, with no money and no place to stay. But that is another story.

My time in Lithuania was the most interesting, educational, awe-inspiring and challenging time of my life, up till then.

I don’t expect to be impacted the same way this time. Lithuania is different and I’m different than we were then.

I’m just going to show up…

Try not to get lost…

And see what happens.

Thank you for being part of this story! If you have questions about the trip, leave them in the comments! If you like this series, I would appreciate a Facebook Share or a Tweet. Thanks!

That is me on the left and Zina on the right. It was 1995 in Lithuania. She told me her story.

At the end of WWII, her father knew. He knew the Russians were not bringing communism back to Lithuania so everyone could share everything. He knew the Russians would keep everything for themselves. He was a teacher. He was educated. He knew.

She, her father, mother and sister were deported to Siberia. They were lucky to arrive before the deep winter because her father was able to dig a hole in the ground, before the ground froze. The hole was their new home. They slept and ate and lived in a hole in the ground.

She and her sister went to school. She hated the Russian language, but if they did poorly in their lessons, they would be beaten. So they learned Russian.

A few years later, her father died in the work camp. Then her mother planned their risky escape.

They walked out of the camp during the night. They didn’t stop walking. They snuck onto a train without tickets or papers, most likely to be caught, sent back and punished severely.

They made it to Lithuania. Her mother bought fake papers several times, of better quality each time, whenever she could save enough money.

Lithuania was still occupied by the Russians. The Russians learned that she could speak Russian and they assigned her a life-long job as an interpreter of the Lithuanian and Russian languages.

I met her fifty years later, five years after the Russian occupation ended. She was my interpreter, when I taught at an education conference in Lithuania that teaches western methods of education that promote democracy. She was interpreting English and Lithuanian this time, but now and then someone would bring her something in Russian to interpret for them, and she would.

She still hated the Russian language. But her heart was still kind. She had survived.

I’m teaching at the same conference, the American Professional Partnership for Lithuanian Education (A.P.P.L.E.), this summer, almost twenty years later. I’m teaching storytelling and hosting storytelling performances. I want to hear about Lithuania’s young democracy most of all because I imagine that establishing a new democracy is a messy and difficult business.

There isn’t a script or blueprint for how the classes and performances are supposed to work. I’m not even sure if I know what I’m doing. But I’m going to do it anyway.

It feels like a full circle, because Zina’s story was my first STORY. It was the moment I knew that stories were important and I shouldn’t ever think I really know history or science or language or anything else until I also listen to individual, personal stories, so I can feel a deeper truth. This is why I do storytelling now, even though my stories are far less historical, they are still individual, personal stories that share a deeper truth, hopefully.

I’m not sure the blog will make sense between now and then, when I’m preparing for the conference. I might post about Lithuania in a random way that doesn’t seem related to hiking, art and music in Austin. But who says it needs to make sense all the time?

So, let me know. Do you want to hear more? What do you want to know?