Probably not. See, the Universe doesn’t have a direct line, and in order to transform yourself or your life the best way can often be a numbers game. Last week, I heard a story about a guy who has amazing success with women. He goes on more dates with amazing women than anyone else. How does he do it? He does it by getting rejected by more women than anyone else. See, he gave himself a goal to get the most rejections he could get in a week (he used an actual number), and by the end of the week, he’d achieved his “goal.” Of course, in the midst of that, he also went on some great dates!

You see, this game isn’t just about spamming the Universe, but it’s about using numbers to get past whatever fears you have around things like rejection, the future, failure, and more. It can even help you learn more about yourself in the process. I just read this great article about a woman who went on 100 dates with men. She wanted to find a partner, she was 34, so she posted an ad, and amidst the guys in Hawaiian shirts offering her trips to Vegas, she found 100 potential dates. Very quickly after an intense two weeks and 21 dates, she broke down into tears, and felt all the loneliness and rejection and fear that she’d felt in all her years of relationships. She realized that she’d been selling herself short for a long time, saying yes when she wasn’t interested, even getting into relationships that didn’t inspire her. She realized where she’d been cheating herself, and she learned how to stop. She learned how to communicate honestly her feelings if she wasn’t interested, felt ok about rejections (she says that those guys were meant to be with someone else, so it’s good that he’s free to find her!), and got way more in touch with what really inspired her. In the end, she not only found a great guy, but she was sure that he was the one she wanted.

Another aspect of this is that your Universe doesn’t know when you change, you have to tell it. The woman in the article had friends to talk to, and the successful dating guy told his guy buddies because our friends, family, and communities are our Universe. A close friend recently called me and told me he was disappointed, and that he felt that I saw him as straight-laced, and a little uptight. He was right, and when he told me, I actually noticed that in the past year… he really hadn’t lived up to my expectations of a real uptightster. The truth is, he’s a very relaxed and confident guy, more so than he’s ever been, and I had just put him in a box without bothering to re-review the label based on experience. So when he told me that he felt good, confident, and relaxed and wanted me to support him, I was able to change my own perspective. As part of his Universe, I had the power to keep him the same, or help him transform, and by telling me, he catalyzed that shift.

So, I’m playing a numbers game too. I’m shooting for 50 rejections from agents for my work. That means I have to email way more than 50, and I have to deal with a lot of rejection. I’ve emailed about 30, and I’m about 5 rejections towards my goal right now. I’ve also gotten two great agents who are interested in working with me. But beyond the numbers, I’m learning more about how to approach and interact in the world of artists’ agents effectively and professionally. I’m learning how I’ve felt needy or urgent, and how to move past those feelings. I’m learning how to love my own work and learning process in the moment, without worrying as much about future success. I’m learning that the more I talk about it, the more likely the Universe will hear me. Heck, I’m even telling you.

Where are you playing small or selling yourself short in your life? What game can you play to break through the fear that holds you back?

Here’s an excerpt from the post:

“Just one thing” is different from “one thing at a time” or from “don’t take on too many projects”. It’s more … finding the one thought or the one action that will pull me back into … into wherever I need to be.

Into the zone. Into my body. Into a more mindful “hey, this is where I am right now” sort of place (what I’d call “present moment awareness” if this were a meditation class which — hooray — it’s not).”

Love that! Read the whole post here.

A. If you’ve done any measure of self-reflection when you find yourself thinking “I don’t like that person”, chances are good that you’ve realized that the person’s behavior is actually reminiscent of an aspect of yourself that you don’t like.
(If you haven’t done much reflection in this situation, I highly recommend it - it’s an excellent tool for finding those insecurities tucked away in the corners of your mind. It’s like the dentist’s mirror they use to find your cavities!)

B. I was recently asked “What in your life do you most need?” And basically, what I want/need most in my life is to be free from my insecurities. (Don’t we all!) I feel plagued by them; they nip at my heels and poke at me, even as I gain confidence and strength. They aren’t serious, harmful insecurities - they’re just bothersome! I know most of them are ridiculous, but they continue to rise up in my brain.

A + B - C = Free?
And SO, while thinking about these things, I was struck by an idea so naively simple… that it might just work!

If I dislike otherwise lovely people because of ways they remind me of my own faults,
if I actively change my feelings towards them so that I DO like them, I will avoid the scenario in A, therefore removing the annoyance from my insecurities. I will also begin to view positively the traits in B that I have always tried to disassociate from, and accept them as my own, regardless of their value.

By removing the dislike (C) I have been adding in, could I finally break free of those nagging concerns and doubts in the back of my mind that keep me from fully being me? It’s a theory that sounds awfully simple (and uncharacteristically robotic of me), but it certainly seems worth a try!

Now read this: Zen to Done. Zen to Done takes bits and pieces from David Allen’s “Getting Things Done” and Stephen Covey’s “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” and merges them into 10 guiding principles that you can pick and choose a la carte, these are the high-level habits. It then offers specific advice and examples on how to implement these habits. When I read GTD, I did not like having to slog through anecdote after anecdote, and with Zen to Done, you don’t have to. The book is structured so that you can just get the habits down, or just the specifics, or you can read the whole thing. Plus, it’s an e-book, so it’s dirt cheap and you can read it… now!

While you’re there, you might as well check out the Zen Habits Blog. Lots of great stuff on there too.

I was at a job I hated for nearly six years.  Six years of wanting something else!  Looking back, I regret how long it took me to leap away from it.  There are so many directions to choose from, we often get boggled and just go with the safest, easiest option.  If it falls into your lap, if it pays well, if it’s convenient… you might as well take advantage of it, right?  I warn you, no.  I always said I would wait to leave until I had something solid lined up next.  Actually, my mother, in the back of my mind, was telling me to wait, puncuated with ‘what ifs’ and ‘oh dears.’  Honestly?  The world is NOT that scary.  You’ll be ok.  Just go.

You must choose your own happiness.  Only you know what will make you completely happy, only you can figure out that puzzle.  But it is a tricky puzzle that takes effort.  Figure out what you really enjoy.  What makes you feel alive?  One of the wisest of men once said “Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart.”  Whatever decision you make, whichever path you take, do it with intention.  Choose it, and then live that choice.

How do you get a feeling of forward momentum in your life?  Well, first you have to figure out where you want to go!  You certainly won’t get it standing still.  That’s the hardest part, in some ways.  Once you have your heading, once you take that first step… the second and third steps, they just happen.

Finally, you have to really believe that you deserve to be as spine-tinglingly happy as you can possibly imagine being.  You do!  We all do.  There is no reason you should ever feel like you should be satisfied with “good enough.”

Hello GrowthPop readers!  Happy New Year to you!  I’m a new contributor here at GP and I’d like to introduce myself to you, and let you know what I’ll be writing about.  I’ll be writing under the name Lampyra, and sharing some of my recent personal growth experiences with you.

I’ve been dabbling in various ways of exploring my heart and mind over the past couple years, and slowly but steadily I feel that I’ve made significant strides.  Sometimes through huge leaps, sometimes through long treks, sometimes by sheer luck.  Sometimes by myself, sometimes with the guidance of others.  I will be sharing some of these forays into my head, and my thoughts about such experiences, with the readers of GrowthPop.  I hope to be an accessible reference for any layperson wanting to bring some personal growth and exploration into their own life.

The name Lampyra?  It is a scientific name for lightning bugs. One of the things I have learned to remind myself about is the power of one’s inner glow.  If you are happy about something, there’s that hint of a smile on your face, that twinkle in your eye, that glow of someone who is content with life.  Like any light source, it radiates warmth.  That glow attracts every human that passes by you.

Happiness is contagious - people want to be around happy people because it makes them feel good too.  Even if I don’t feel especially happy about anything, I find something to make me grin anyway because then I will kindle some of that glow.  I know I become a much more attractive, but more importantly, much more approachable person, when I do.  We all do.  So, like the lightning bug, remember to glow brightly as you fly about your life!

From TechRepublic

If you’re like much of today’s workforce, you need to have halfway decent writing skills to succeed at your job. But if you don’t have time to work on those skills, mastering a few basic rules can still make a big difference.

Maybe you’ve never penned a single blog entry, never been asked to write a progress report, never had to read over a colleague’s work for errors, and never had to send a critically important e-mail message to your boss. If that’s the case, you’re free to go now. But for most of us, a certain amount of writing is part of our job — and unfortunately, our efforts aren’t always as effective as they should be.

We’ve talked before about some of the big blunders — grammatical mistakes and misused words — that find their way into our written communications. Now, let’s consider some of the general best practices that contribute to clean, consistent writing. These pointers are based on TechRepublic’s in-house conventions, which are based on commonly recommended guidelines. (In other words, you don’t have to agree with them. And of course, variations may exist depending on what country you live in.)

The good thing about following a few rules in your writing, even if some of them seem arbitrary or trivial, is that it frees you up to concentrate on what you’re trying to say instead of trying to figure out why something doesn’t sound right or worrying that it’s just plain wrong.

And there’s this: People will notice when your writing is tighter and more consistent. I guarantee it.

#1: Echoes

Bad practice: Repeated words or phrases set up an echo in the reader’s head or a “Didn’t I just read that?” glitch that can be distracting.

Example:

• Several “but”s or “however”s or “for example”s in one paragraph (or in nearly every paragraph); a series of paragraphs that begin with “Next”
• A favorite crutch word or phrase used throughout an article (”ensure that,” “as such”, “that said”)

Best practice: Vary the language to avoid annoying or distracting readers with repeated words. Even better, get rid of some of the repeated verbiage, which usually turns out to be overkill anyway.

#2: Nonparallel list items

Bad practice: We often use an inconsistent structure for lists or headings.

Example:

We will cover these topics:

• Backing up the registry
• The Registry Editor is your friend
• Using REG files
• Use a GUI tool
• Searching the registry
• Take advantage of Favorites
• Clean the registry

Best practice: Reword where necessary to make the items parallel.

#3: Agreement problems

Bad practice: Sometimes we lose track of what the subject is, and our verb doesn’t match.

Examples:

• Neither of the editors are very smart.
• The dog, as well as the goat and chicken, are easy to parallel park.
• One-third of the company are color blind.

Best practice: Scrutinize the subject to determine whether it’s singular or plural. It’s not always obvious.

#4: Referring to companies, organizations, etc., as “they”

Bad practice: A company — or any collective group that’s being referred to as a single entity — is often treated as plural, but it shouldn’t be.

Examples:

• I wish Wal-Mart would get their pot hole fixed.
• Microsoft said they’ll look at the problem.

Best practice: Unless there’s some compelling exception, use “it.”

#5: Hyphenating “ly” adverbs

Bad practice: “ly” adverbs never take a hyphen, but they pop up a lot.

Examples:

• We like to avoid commonly-used expressions.
• Click here for a list or recently-added downloads.

Best practice: Don’t hyphenate ly adverbs. The “ly” says “I modify the word that comes next,” so there’s no need to tie them together with a hyphen.

#6: Using “which” instead of “that”

Bad practice: We sometimes use “which” to set off an essential clause (instead of “that”).

Examples:

• The meeting which was scheduled for 1:00 has been cancelled.
• The option which controls this feature is disabled.

Best practice: The commonly-accepted (haha) convention in American English is to set off a nonessential clause with the word “which” and a comma. One good test is whether the information is extra — not essential to the meaning of the sentence. If the clause is essential, use “that.”

#7: Wordy constructions; deadwood phrases

Nothing is worse for a reader than having to slog through a sea of unnecessary verbiage. Here are a few culprits to watch for in your own writing.

#8: Using “that” instead of “who”

Bad practice: Some writers use “that” to refer to people.

Examples:

• The bartender that took my money disappeared.
• The end user that called this morning said he found my money.
• The folks that attended the training said it was a waste of time.

Best practice: When you’re referring to people, use “who.”

#9: Inconsistent use of the final serial comma

Bad practice: One convention says to use a comma to set off the final item in a series of three or more items; another (equally popular) convention says to leave it out. But some writers bounce between the two rules.

Examples:

• Word, Excel, and Outlook are all installed. (OR: Word, Excel and Outlook are all installed.)
• Open the dialog box, click on the Options tab, and select the Enable option. (OR: Open the dialog box, click on the Options tab and select the Enable option.)

Best practice: Decide on one convention and stick to it. Those who read what you’ve written will have an easier time following your sentence structure if you’re consistent.

#10: Using a comma to join two dependent clauses

Bad practice: Commas are a great source of controversy and often the victim of misguided personal discretion. But there is this rule: Two dependent clauses don’t need one.

Examples:

• I hid the ice cream, and then told my sister where to find it.
• The user said he saved the file, but somehow deleted it.

Best practice: If the second clause can’t walk away and be its own sentence, don’t set it off with a comma.

A CPR (which stands for Context, Purpose and Results) is a mechanism to declare the outcomes and intentions of any activity, whether it’s planning your day, or guiding a massive project involving hundreds of people over several years.

To create a CPR, you start with writing the RESULTS. I’ve heard it said to write the results in the past tense, as if they’d already occurred. Indeed, when a project is complete, it’s often quite remarkable to stand in the present, “checking off” results written into the future from the past.

———– STEP ONE: Dream up your RESULTS ——————
Some RESULTS might look like: “Everyone was satisfied with their participation” “The project was smoothly completed on time, within budget and without crisis”

One way to think of RESULTS is that it’s your order form to the Universe. What do you want to have accomplished out of the activity? Be positive, specific and don’t be afraid to “Go Big”. When you feel like your RESULTS brainstorm has passed, start to work on the PURPOSE.

———– STEP TWO: State your Purpose —————— The structure of the PURPOSE statement ties the results into a kind of vision statement that provides a clear and inspiring description of WHY the project exists, and the impact it has on you, your surroundings and the world at large.

The PURPOSE statement is basically organized like this: The purpose of _ is _ through __ so that ____ .

If you’re inspired to make up a different structure, go ahead. What’s important to cover are three things: 1) give it a name, 2) give it a purpose, 3) describe the WAY OF BEING (”through ____”) that calls you to live large and 4) express the positive, inspiring reason or motivation to whatever you’re doing a CPR for in the first place. Or just fill in the blanks. You’ll get the hang of it if you practice.

——– Step 3: The key to everything: CONTEXT —————— The CONTEXT is a short catchphrase that summarizes the vision and results into something that touches the essence of the project and its intentions. The CONTEXT thus becomes a kind of background to the activities. Just as important, the CONTEXT becomes a memory device that allows you to quickly accessing the purpose and desired results of your project. Extremely helpful in making choices as you step into the unknowable future, armed with a clear vision of the results you want to have.

If you’ve never used a CPR before, you should pick a project or activity and try it out. It’s quick and easy and the results, well, they speak for themselves (through you)!

Here’s an example:

CONTEXT Quickly and Clearly Communicating Purposeful Results

PURPOSE The purpose of my email to the list is to share the CPR tool with members of my community through clear communication and understandable examples so that anyone reading this can use CPR to create anything they want to have out of any activity they pursue.

RESULTS - the CPR process was explained clearly and succinctly - I added insights people found meaningful and helpful in their understanding - at least one person started using a CPR regularly as a result of reading these instructions - The writing flowed smoothly, and I spent less than 30 minutes writing this description.

I also like to add the PERIOD which the CPR spans. A specific timespan puts a beginning and an ending to the “container” so to speak.

Sound different? It is. While The Wisdom Course falls under the Landmark Education umbrella, it has a decidedly lighter feel and is the only course inside of Landmark that’s completely independent with its own instructors, volunteers and style.

The Wisdom Course is definitely fun. Homework involves collaging, social events and Saturday night community events. My first weekend culminated in a social event called “Recess” where 100 of my classmates filled a hotel lobby with games of foursquare, parachute and that most nostalgic of all gradeschool experiences: nap time. Additonal coursework involves

an ‘initiative’ that serves to highlight where you get stopped on new projects and businesses. One of the most impactful distinctions introduced at this point in the course is a grid detailing the typical stages of project/business development and the reasons why most get stopped.

The Basics: Wisdom is a five weekend course, spread out over the course of about a year, in about a dozen different cities including London, Toronto, New York and San Francisco. Each participant is assigned an ‘accomplishment person’ (or ‘Yoda’ in the SF course) who serves as a kind of personal coach. There were times I wanted to blow off coursework, or find better ways to spend my weekend, but the course volunteer team wouldn’t let me off the hook which helped turn my excuses into huge insights. The Wisdom Course teaches growth through a community, and it operates on the same ideal.

Learn more about the Wisdom Course

In his own words, “43 Folders is Merlin Mann’s website about finding the time and attention to do your best creative work.” He is now re-dedicating his site to people who want to actually do stuff. GTD is great, he claims, but he’s tired of pampering the converts who don’t have a clue how to GTD once they’ve inbox zeroed, and reduced background noise.

It’s a really risky post, but boy did it inspire me. Check out Merlin’s post on 43 Folders here.

It felt just like an experience I had when I needed a creative boost. I’m an illustrator, and a year or two ago I was feeling stuck so I read the first few chapters of “The Artist’s Way” and started the practice of Morning Pages. Each day, I’d wake up and write three pages of whatever came out. This was meant to get my juices flowing, and to spark my creativity. I’d scribble streams of consciousness, sense or nonsense, I’d write…. for an hour, or two, and then work at my job which was more meetings and less drawing. After about a week I felt like the baker who spends all his time making sure his shop looks nice, and who forgot to actually do any baking. So I swapped the pages for morning art and started doing a painting each morning (my inspiration was my commute). Soon after I actually left that job and now paint and draw full time.

So, we at GrowthPop applaud Merlin’s clarity of vision, and courage to get it done even against the inertial energy of his very popular site.