Breathing Underwater

Like Mother, Like Son

noreply@blogger.com (Hannah) — Tue, 03 May 2011 01:33:00 +0000

I am so excited that my kids love to read, since reading is my all time favorite activity. Sasha goes to bed surrounding by books - stacked on her dresser, the floor by her bed and even on her bed. I love listening to her reading herself to sleep after I tuck her in for the night. Usually I have to pry a pile of books out from under her after she falls asleep, because I as much as I love books, I don't imagine they make a very comfortable pillow.

Last time he was tested, Jordan was reading at a fourth grade level and he loves to read now more than ever. He's always enjoyed being read to, but this year he's really blossomed with reading by himself. He also has stacks of books surrounding his bed, and reads before going to sleep almost every night. It makes me really happy that he enjoys many of the books I read as a child, like books by Roald Dahl, the Boxcar Children and Mrs. Piggle Wiggle. I just got a bunch of Pippi Longstocking books from a garage sale and he's started on those. I just may have to borrow them from him when he's done.

Easter 2011

noreply@blogger.com (Hannah) — Mon, 25 Apr 2011 19:30:00 +0000

We had a wonderful Easter this year. Saturday we got together with Justin's Dad's side of the family. Jordan and Sasha had lots of fun playing with the other kids inside and out while Justin and I got to eat, relax and hang out with adults. Sunday I made sausage and egg breakfast sandwiches, which never happens and the kids hunted for and found their Easter baskets. The weather was surprisingly nice. We went to church at Our Redeemer with my parents, Micah, Lydia and Brandon and the boys, and Abigail and Alex. Then we went back to my parents' house for a quick lunch before we headed off to Albany to spend the afternoon with Justin's grandparents and Josh, Tara and Jack.

Fish Trouble

noreply@blogger.com (Hannah) — Mon, 25 Apr 2011 19:02:00 +0000

I can't wait until Jordan's old enough to change the water in the goldfish bowl himself. After I accidentally killed one of the goldfish last year in a highly dramatic fish bowl cleaning related incident, I'm even more leery about the whole thing than I already was. Most people who know me realize that while I may enjoy watching fish swim around, I'm not interested in having any direct personal contact with them. Unfortunately, our newest acquisition, Black Eyed (bought to replace the long lived and sadly mourned Fidgety Fish, and named after the Black Eyed Peas and his buggy black eyes) doesn't seem to understand this. Today, while I was using our soup ladle to get some of the dirty water out of the bowl so I had room to add fresh water, he swam into the ladle not once but twice. I just missed lifting him up out of the bowl, and I thought I was going to have a heart attack! I'm really hoping he didn't get hurt, because I hate ladling up dead fish to flush them even more than I hate accidentally ladling up live fish (I think). I observed him for awhile, and it looked like he was listing to one side a little bit, possibly having trouble staying towards the bottom of the fish tank, and one fin didn't seem to be moving as much as the others. Then again, maybe it's all in my head. Only time will tell!

The Power of Prayer

noreply@blogger.com (Hannah) — Fri, 22 Apr 2011 18:56:00 +0000

Although Jordan loves winter and winter sports, he's been ready for spring for quite a while now. Really, I think he's ready for summer. He actually cried one of the last times that it snowed. Also, yesterday was the first sunny day we've had in a while. At breakfast time he told me that he'd prayed to God while he was taking a shower the night before and asked him to make it sunny the next day. He said he'd given God a whole list of reasons to make it sunny. One of the reasons was, "because I wouldn't have eaten the fruit in the Garden." Such confidence!

Persuasive Writing

noreply@blogger.com (Hannah) — Tue, 22 Feb 2011 20:15:00 +0000

Jordan's been learning about persuasive writing in school. Here are two of his assignments. Notice the blatant emotional appeal. Needless to say, he got a raise in his allowance (although not quite the amount he was aiming for) and if there was any way we could squeeze a dog into the budget, we would now be the proud owners of one.

Not The Hair!

noreply@blogger.com (Hannah) — Wed, 16 Feb 2011 01:41:00 +0000

At the age of 4, Sasha has had 4 haircuts. Two of them were planned, while the other two were decidedly not. Her first haircut was courtesy of her cousin Tristan. We spent Mother's Day 2009 at Lydia and Brandon's house. The adults were hanging out and relaxing while the kids played all over the house. At one point Sasha came and told us that Tristan had done her hair. I glanced at her, saw he'd given her a ponytail and told her it looked nice. When we got home, I got a call from Lydia informing me that I might want to check Sasha's hair since she had just found long blond hair in the wastebasket. Sure enough, Tristan had given Sasha bangs, and I hadn't even noticed. For an 8 year old, he did a pretty good job. Actually I'm pretty sure it was a much better job than I would have done if I had tried. There was also a small chunk of hair cut out of the back, but it really wasn't noticeable.

Grandma Jolene gave Sasha her second haircut when she came to visit the following summer. The bangs were getting a little bit long, so she gave them a nice trim.

By the next summer Sasha's hair was looking really scraggly on the ends, and the missing chunk was more noticeable. Our neighbor Bobbi, who's a hairdresser, was kind enough to give Sasha a real haircut, complete with layers to camouflage the missing chunk.

And then there was today. Sasha and I went to the park in celebration of the 40 degree weather. She rode her bike and I walked/jogged to keep up/did jumping jacks next to her when she was riding really slowly. Just before she went down the slide for the last time at the park, I noticed that she was chewing on a big wad of her hair. Turned out it was a big wad of her hair (still attached) mixed with gum. "Sasha!!!" I said. "I didn't try to. It's so windy mama!" she said. Couldn't really argue with that. So I tore the gum out of her hair before any more got stuck in it and we went home. Thankfully, Bobbi had all her equipment at home tonight and was able to give Sasha an emergency haircut. We managed to keep most of the length, and add some pretty layers. Now I'm keeping my fingers crossed that nothing else happens to her hair. This may be the start of a "no gum unless you're wearing several barrettes and a ponytail policy"!

Not The Hair

noreply@blogger.com (Hannah) — Wed, 16 Feb 2011 01:41:00 +0000

Not Ready For This Yet

noreply@blogger.com (Hannah) — Sun, 14 Nov 2010 03:11:00 +0000

This is, as accurately as I can remember it, a conversation Jordan & Karlye had on the way home in the car tonight (some names have been omitted to protect the innocent).

Background: The kids were talking about what they wanted to name their future potential children. I couldn't hear the names they were saying at first, although I believe Jordan's current favorite girl's name is Brazil.

Karlye: Well, you have to decide with your wife. You have to pick it together.
Jordan: If I ever have a boy I'm going to name it Michael Jordan. No, Jordan Michael.
Karlye: Then he would have the same name as you. You should name him Michael Jordan.
Jordan: Then his name would be Michael Jordan Disch. Michael Jordan's last name is Jordan, and he spells it the same way I spell my name!

Some discussion followed about the fact that Karlye's last name will change when she gets married but Jordan's won't. Then...

Karlye: If I marry Boy#1 my name will be Karlye So-and-so, but if I marry Boy#2 my last name will be Karlye Something-else.
Jordan: If I marry Girl #1, her name will be Girl #1 Disch, but right now it's Girl #1 Whoever, and if I marry Girl #2 her name will be Girl #2 Disch, but right now it's Girl #2 Blah-blah-blah.
Karlye: Who would you pick to marry first?
Jordan: I like Girl #1 best, then Girl #2, then Girl #3, then Girl #4. I thought you liked Boy #3?
Karlye: I do but I don't know his last name. I'm only saying people that I know their last name. Jordan loves Girl #1.
Jordan: I think she knows that. She's my best friend.
Karlye: I'm talking to Mom. Mom, Jordan loves Girl #1.
Me: That's nice. She's a nice girl.
Jordan: Yeah.

Then discussion followed about the relative merits of Boy#1 and Boy#2. Karlye told Jordan not to tell one of them that she liked him, if Jordan ever saw him, because "you don't want to make him mad" or "he'll take you down to the ground." Jordan wanted to know what would happen if he made the other boy mad and Karlye said he's probably go off and cry.

Karlye: So I have to pick either really tough or really fast. Boy #1 is really tough and Boy #2 is really fast.
Jordan: I'm really fast. Do you think I could beat (one of the boys).
Karlye: Yeah, but you couldn't beat (the other boy).
Jordan: Maybe you should pick someone who's really tough AND really fast.
Karlye: Yeah. When I get married, me and my husband are going to work out together. Because you know when you have babies you get really...(pause, then a whisper)...big. I'm going to stay skinny so I'm going to go and work out right away after I have the baby. Jordan, why are you laughing?
Jordan: You're going to stay skinny???
Karlye: Well, me and my husband are going to work out a lot. Sometimes I'll go work out, and sometimes we'll get a babysitter and then we'll go work out together.
Jordan: You know, this might not work out just the way you have it planned.
Karlye: I know.

I thought I might seriously die from trying so hard not to laugh out loud. I kept turning the music down lower and lower so I could hear them, hoping they wouldn't notice and stop talking. I love kids!

Being Four Changes Everything

noreply@blogger.com (Hannah) — Fri, 05 Nov 2010 01:21:00 +0000

The big day is finally here! Sasha has been talking about her golden birthday for months on end. She planned her guest list for her party about four months ago - Mae & Violet, of course, and all the little neighbor girls. She planned the color of her gifts around the same time - some gold (for her golden birthday) and some "not gold". And she's been counting down the days until her birthday for at least a week (and making sure to tell everyone she saw how many days were left). When she got up this morning I was on the computer and she came and stood right by me, stood up as straight and tall as she could, and said, "Mom, Mom, look how big I am now!"

Since the only time we could all be together today was before Jordan went to school, I made cinnamon rolls for breakfast, which has never happened before. Sasha freaked out because the frosting was dripping, so I had to cut hers into pieces and give her a fork. Then we took all the cards and presents in by Justin and woke him up so he could watch her open them. She'd been begging me for a pink tutu so I made one with an elastic hair band and tulle which ended up being really cute. We also got her some little suede and fake fur boots to wear with dresses and leggings, but her favorite present was free. I got a few bags of hand me down clothes and toys from my boss's girlfriend's nieces this week, and lo and behold there were two My Little Pony's, one with wings. I have a feeling that pony is going everywhere with her for the foreseeable future.

After breakfast, little miss sticky had a bath. She kept asking me all these questions about 4 persons, like "can 4 persons take a bath" and "can 4 persons use big washcloths". I couldn't figure out what she was talking about when I suddenly realized that she meant people who are 4 years old! Apparently she thinks that being a year older means not only do you grow much bigger overnight, but most aspects of your life will change. I'm afraid she's in for a bit of a let down. When she told me she's old enough now to eat in a big girl chair (instead of the high chair we put her back in because she's so short and has turned into such an antsy messy eater this year) I did tell her that we would give it a try, so that's something. Justin told me that while I was at work, before she went off for her birthday sleepover with Great-Grandma Louise and Great-Grandpa Glen, she told him that she hadn't got any gold presents yet. She also told Great-Grandma Louise when she came to pick Sasha up, so I imagine that problem will soon be remedied!

I can't believe my little baby girl is 4 years old already!

noreply@blogger.com (Hannah) — Sun, 31 Oct 2010 01:15:00 +0000

Jordan's parent teacher conference was last week. He's doing great, as usual. Not surprising considering how much he loves school. Apparently he's always nice and cheerful and well-behaved, which makes me wonder why I don't always get the Jordan at home. I guess if he's got to misbehave somewhere, I'd rather have it be at home than in public. I got a bit of surprise when his teacher told me that he'd been tested to see if he should move into Gifted and Talented math. It looks like he'll be fine in regular math for now, but they're going to keep an eye on him and he might move later this year. Reading's going really well too. They want the kids to be reading at a level 22 by the end of the year, and he's been at a level 23 since the end of first grade. I guess all the hours and hours we've spent reading to him are really paying off. I'm so very happy that he loves to read. I read a chapter from a book to him every night at bedtime (we're doing Charlie and the Chocolate Factory right now) and he's reading chapter books on his own as well. He still really loves art and also writing. This is a story he wrote for school; I especially love the begining and the end:

N or M

noreply@blogger.com (Hannah Disch) — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 02:30:00 +0000

Some of my favorite "Sasha-isms" - "naybe" instead of "maybe"and "grow-mup" instead of "grown-up". These are often used together in sentences that start out, "Naybe, when I'm a grow-mup..." The poor little girl tries so hard to keep up with her big brother and sister. When they're here she follows them around trying to play with them, talking and talking at them and trying to get their attention. When they're not here she spends a lot of time talking about what she'll do when she's as old as they are and imitating all the annoying things they do that I'd like a break from while they're gone. Especially the way Jordan spends all day asking me if anyone is coming over and if we're going anywhere and then freaking out when I say "No" and "No". Give her a few decades and she'll start talking about the good old days when she was little and didn't have any responsibilities. Although, to be fair, she has taken on rather a lot of responsibilities for a girl who's not yet four.

She's very busy bossing her father and I around and panicking about things not being done properly. She's also been taking care of her "dollies" since she was about 8 months old. We now have Tiny Baby, Big Baby, Other Big Baby, the Raggedys (tiny Raggedy Ann and Andy dolls), Alpha-Betty (a doll given to my by my Grandma Betty when I was little) and a few other ones. Tiny Baby is the most important and usually goes everywhere with Sasha, along with Heart Blankie. Sasha spends a lot of time feeding, dressing and caring for her dollies, especially at night when she's supposed to be sleeping. She also has an imaginary dog named Jumper who was a gift from Grandma Tamar. She has such a realistic plan of care for Jumper and such a clear idea of what Jumper does that after she spent 10 minutes telling my boss about Jumper he turned to me and said, "You guys got a dog???" There are only two ways you can tell Jumper is imaginary - he goes to school with Jordan because he's 5 and he frequently changes colors (rather unrealistic colors at that).

"When I Grow Up"

noreply@blogger.com (Hannah Disch) — Thu, 27 May 2010 15:41:00 +0000

About a week ago Jordan brought this picture home from school. It's a picture of him working in our basement (which we are currently finishing). I love how he even drew the step stool and the fan that Justin's been using down there. His goal for quite a while has been to be an artist when he grows up, so when I saw this I asked him about it. He said he guesses he'll be two things - an artist and a handyman. I thought that sounded like a pretty complementary combination. Then Sasha piped up and said when she grows up she wants to be a computer player and a baseball player. I said, "a baseball player, huh?". She said, "Yeah, and something important." "More important that a baseball player?" I asked. "Yes," she said. "I want to be a computer player, and a baseball player, and I want to play at Mae's house too." I had to laugh. Of course, to her nothing could be more important than playing at her best friend's house!

Mother's Day

noreply@blogger.com (Hannah Disch) — Wed, 12 May 2010 19:26:00 +0000

Jordan made this card for me at school. He also gave me a cool rock with some shiny spots. It's smooth and fits nicely in my hand. For some reason holding it is very relaxing. I love my Jo-Jo!

Wheelin' and Dealin'

noreply@blogger.com (Hannah Disch) — Sat, 24 Apr 2010 02:09:00 +0000

Jordan had yesterday and today off of school. Earlier this week he asked me if he could have his friend Nicholas sleep over some time over his long weekend. Then he asked, if Nicholas could sleep over, would I make macaroni and cheese from a box for supper. It's so funny how the kid is not that interested in my fabulous homemade mac and cheese but he loves any kind that comes in a box. (Oh wait, he's not a big fan of the Annie's organic mac & cheese either.) Not sure how this all fits into his New Year's resolution to eat healthier, but anyway...I said "we'll see" about the generic box mac and cheese and he immediately started bargaining.

Jordan: "I'll give you some of my money if you make macaroni and cheese."
Me: "I'm not going to take your money Jordan."
Jordan: "I'll make you something special in art class this week."
Me: "I love when you make me things in art class. We'll see about the macaroni and cheese."
Jordan: "But Mom I'll give you something or make you something."
Me: "Jordan, you don't need to give me anything. I understand that you really really want macaroni and cheese. We'll see. Probably."

Needless to say, he got his box mac & cheese for supper tonight. Kind of reminds me of sophomore year of high school when I spent two days trying to convince my parents to let me go to the Bush concert. I finally won the argument by telling them I would never take hot lunch at school again unless I paid for it myself.

Side Note: Sasha's teeth are "very sparkly and shiny" because she just had her first "dentist be-pointment".

Easter Weekend

noreply@blogger.com (Hannah Disch) — Mon, 05 Apr 2010 04:26:00 +0000

We had a wonderful Easter weekend. Fairly relaxing, everyone was pretty healthy, the kids were happy, the weather was decent, and we made it to church with time to spare. On Good Friday we went to church in the evening. Saturday afternoon we spent at Justin's grandparents house in Albany, had lunch and the kids did an Easter egg hunt. This morning we went to church with Lydia, Brandon and the boys in Janesville. Then we went to their house for lunch with some of my family. Here's some of my favorite pictures from the weekend. (I know there's more pictures of Sasha than the other two, but I just can't help it.)

Here Goes Nothing

noreply@blogger.com (Hannah Disch) — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 02:30:00 +0000

Christmas is over, the new year has begun, and I'm still waiting for life to slow down. Here's a little tid-bit for you while I try to get back into the swing of things. A few days after Christmas, we were at Justin's dad's place, getting ready to go sledding. I wanted Sasha to go to the bathroom before I put her snowpants on, for obvious reasons, but she was having none of it. I finally convinced her to go and followed her into the bathroom. She hopped up onto the toilet and said, "Here goes nothing...because nothing's coming out!" Followed immediately by a tell-tale tinkle sound. Being a generally nice girl, she graciously admitted that I had been right while I wiped her. What I want to know is, where the heck does she come up with this stuff?

Kids Say...Part 2 or 3?

noreply@blogger.com (Hannah Disch) — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 04:05:00 +0000

A few days ago Jordan said to Sasha, "Sasha, you're so cute. You're the cutest girl I ever saw." And she replied, "Yeah."

Thinking of cute things my kids say reminded me of something Sasha said this past spring. My friend Beth was watching the kids for me while I was interviewing some people for an article I was writing. When I came to pick them up, the first thing Sasha said was, "Mom, Bethie touched my butt." Turned out, Sasha had a dirty diaper and Beth had changed her. It was hilarious. I guess I don't need to worry about Sasha keeping any "bad touch" incidents to herself at any rate!

Jordan's Favorites

noreply@blogger.com (Hannah Disch) — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 02:46:00 +0000

One of the things that makes me happy is reading kids' writing when they're just learning. Lately one of the best parts of my day is when Jordan shows me what he brought home from school in his folder. I love finding out what's going on in his head. Here's a few samples with captions (in case you have a hard time reading them).

My favorite things to do
1. Play the wii
2. Play
3. Go to parties

My Favorite Food
1. cheese burger
2. mac and cheese
3. pizza
4. ketchup
5. ice cream
6. turkey

Sasha's Third Birthday

noreply@blogger.com (Hannah Disch) — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 02:06:00 +0000

The best thing about warm Novembers is going to the park for Sasha's birthday (this was our second year in a row). I felt bad because "the big day" was none too fun. Sasha was recovering from a fever (meaning mommy wouldn't let her have any sugar) and both Justin and I had to work, so the only time we were together was at breakfast. We did sing Happy Birthday before Jordan left for school, and I managed to dig up a gold party hat and three yellow balloons (the last ones in the party box). We didn't even have her present because we decided to get her a sled and Target (the only store we'd had time to look at) didn't have them in stock yet. Luckily, by Sunday the 7th, which was the first day we had time to celebrate, Sasha was feeling better and the weather was beautiful. Our friends Pete and Beth came over with their two little girls, Mae and Violet and we went to the park. The kids had lots of fun playing in the leaves while the guys played football and Beth and I talked (what else?). Then we came home for supper, cake and presents. Sasha got some new ponies and her own chapstick from the Rozaks (she opened that before we went to the park, and it shows up in almost all the pictures since she wouldn't let me hold on to it for her). I managed to find a very reasonably priced sled at Farm and Fleet, as well as a little red snow shovel and a My Little Pony puzzle. Sasha loves puzzles so much right now that she'll often inform me that she's done all of her puzzles, and ask to do some of Jordan's. Anyway, we had a great time and got some pretty good pictures too!

Sasha on the slide.

Mae & Sasha, ready to go.

Made it to the bottom!

Putting leaves on Violet.

Jordan joins in.

Indian Summer?

noreply@blogger.com (Hannah Disch) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 03:02:00 +0000

Today was such a good day. I got a lot accomplished with a minimum of stress and whining. Admin. asst. work, freelance work, two loads of laundry, made Jordan's bday party invitations, dishes, remembered to give Jordan his allowance and have him take a shower, balanced my checkbook, paid bills, swept out the garage and some other stuff. The best part of the day was after lunch. Since the weather was nice I forced myself to take Sasha for a walk. We went on my favorite walk through downtown, through the cemetery and then to Smithfield Park. Even if it was cloudy, it was a gorgeous fall day with lots of crunchy leaves everywhere. At the park I decided to do some yoga while Sasha played. Don't know why that's never occurred to me before. So I did a Pilates exercise for my imaginary abs, four repetitions of salute to the sun, and every other yoga pose I could think of for about twenty minutes. It was relaxing, invigorating and made me feel both somewhat kooky and fairly cool. Then we finished up with a few underducks on the swing for her and a few leaps off the moving swing for me. Now I wonder how hard it is to do yoga in full snow gear?

I Like Quizzes, But...

noreply@blogger.com (Hannah Disch) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 19:21:00 +0000

Jordan has recently taken to p0lling the family on a variety of topics as a stalling tactic anytime he's supposed to be accomplishing things. I think it irritates me more than anyone else, particularly because his favorite time to do it is when I'm trying to eat. Questions range from "Mom, what's your favorite color?" to "Mom, what do you think the smallest animal in the world is?" to "Mom, what is your least favorite food?". Of course, he asks me the same questions day after day too, and I'm expected to then in turn ask him his favorite/least favorite/etc. whatever. The other day he informed me, word for word, "My least favorite color is tan. Even though I like tan on my skin, that doesn't necessarily mean..."

Speaking of skin color, for a while last year Jordan was very into talking about differences in skin color. Any time the kids bring up differences between people we respond by saying, "Yep, God made everybody different." So while they realize that people are different colors "like crayons" as Jordan used to say, they don't realize that this is a touchy subject for some people. Anyway, before Jordan started kindergarten he was speculating on what the kids in his class might be like, and wondering if any of them would be "brown" like his friend Rolly who is Hispanic. Last year some new neighbors (who happen to be black) moved in across the street. Jordan was really excited to see that they had some children and told me all about the "kids with color skin" (a description he fabricated all on his own) across the street. While I'm reluctant to explain political correctness and racial sensitivity to him because I prefer to have him think about people without regards to their race, I do hope he learns to be more circumspect before he gets his little white butt kicked.

No Flu Shot For Us

noreply@blogger.com (Hannah Disch) — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 16:23:00 +0000

Although H1N1 is rumored to be more severe than a typical flu, the CDC’s own data shows that hospitalization and death rates are lower for H1N1 than those for seasonal flu. Vaccine manufacturers stand to make billions of dollars by selling these vaccines (an excellent reason for their fear-mongering). The few short term tests done on these vaccines did not include the adjuvants (immune boosters) that are added to the vaccines before distribution, some of which have been shown to be associated with very high incidences of devastating autoimmune diseases. Because this vaccine has been fast-tracked, many of the usual safety precautions used to prevent contamination of the vaccines have been overlooked by the regulatory agencies. According to a number of studies, vaccine contamination is widespread, with vaccines containing pestivirus, mycoplasma, viral fragments, DNA fragments and bacterial components, all of which can produce chronic systemic disorders, cancer, neurologic diseases and even slow brain degeneration. Ingredients in flu shots include Polysorbate 80 (which can cause severe allergic reactions, including anaphylaxis), formaldehyde (a known carcinogen), resin (known to cause allergic reactions), Aluminum (a neurotoxin that has been linked to Alzheimer’s disease), Phenol (a suspected carcinogen which may cause harmful effects on the central nervous system, heart, liver and kidneys, especially with repeated exposure), and Ethylene glycol (antifreeze). Thimerosal (mercury, which is implicated in Alzheimer’s disease and autism) is still included in multi-dose vials of flu vaccine. Each dose from one of these vials contains more than 250 times the Environmental Protection Agency’s safety limit for mercury. A recent study published in the Archives of Pediatric & Adolescent Medicine found that "significant influenza vaccine effectiveness could not be demonstrated for any season, age, or setting examined”.

As Time Goes By

noreply@blogger.com (Hannah Disch) — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 02:47:00 +0000

People keep asking me how I'm doing. "Fine, OK, alright, good, hanging in there," I say. And I am all of those things. What I don't say is, "I feel guilty." How can I live my life as though everything is normal when Miriam and Eric have had someone so precious torn from their life? How can I ask my kids to be quiet so I can read (a Harry Potter book for the 5th or so time) instead of making the most of every minute I'm blessed to have them here with me? How can I want to laugh when I hear Sasha insisting that Jordan and/or "Tiny Baby" have to pretend to be sick and die and Jordan protesting that he doesn't want to play that when I was, am, and will continue to be devastated by the death of my tiny niece and know that they miss her too? I remind myself that I didn't see Hailey daily, weekly, or even every month and so my daily life has never revolved around her and won't now. I know I have a family to care for and work to do and can't function if I continue as I was: crying at the drop of a hat, with a headache that wouldn't quit, and with a barrage of thoughts, images and feelings that wouldn't let me sleep at night. I know that the faith I have that God has taken Hailey to her heavenly home is what enables me to cope. And I know that I won't be "fine" every minute of every day. So many things bring Hailey to mind. I know that even if I try to push it all away, I'll continue to break down from time to time. I like Sasha's way of handling things. When Hailey was sick we were praying for her every night at bedtime. Being as much a creature of habit as all little ones, each night Sasha asks to say a prayer for Hailey. And so every night we thank God for bringing Hailey to be with him in heaven where she will always be happy. And Sasha goes to bed happy too.

A Letter to Miss Hailey Mae

noreply@blogger.com (Hannah Disch) — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 20:01:00 +0000

Dear Hailey,
I will never forget the day your mother told me she was pregnant with you. When she asked me to take a walk with her I knew what she was going to say. I felt joy that our family was going to be blessed with another baby, but I knew that your mom and dad would have a hard road ahead of them. I never could have imagined just how hard it would be.

When your mama had your ultrasound and told us she was having a little girl I was so excited. I could picture you and Sasha playing dolls and dress up together, growing up together, talking about boys together, staying close when you had children of your own. I had so much fun planning your baby shower, crocheting your tiny pink hat and passing on the clothes that Sasha had outgrown.

We were all impatient for you to be born. Those hours and hours in the hospital were some of the longest of my life. I was so proud of your mama; her strength and endurance amazed me. And I saw how much your daddy loved both of you, how scared he was for you, and how joyful when you were safely delivered.

For the last nineteen months you’ve been our family’s baby. Miss Hailey Mae, adored by cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents alike. You were always cheerful, unless you were missing your mama and daddy. I’ll never forget your smile, the way you pointed to everyone you saw, asking who they were and showing that you were glad to see them, or how you loved to twine anyone and everyone’s hair around your little fingers.

I wish I had spent more time with you while you were here and made more time for Jordan, Sasha and Karlye to play with you. They were always so excited to see you. It was so much fun when you and your mama would come stay overnight with us when your daddy was away for work.

Memories from your last days here on earth overwhelm me. Hailey looking so sick on Labor Day. Hailey in the hospital hooked up to IVs and monitors. The nurse joking while she brought in your tiny little bag of blood. Hailey, so sedated after surgery, forcing her eyes open to smile at Sasha and me while maintaining a death grip on her juice. Hailey finally up and around, playing so seriously with play dough and markers. Hailey at home the day before you left us, rubbing my back but slapping my hand away when I tried to touch yours. You playing with Sasha’s hair while she played with yours. Hailey waving goodbye one last time.

Thank you Hailey for the nineteen months you gave us. Your life and death has touched everyone who knew you and many who didn’t. All of us who love you will carry a hole in our hearts that will never be filled on this earth. To me, the wait seems long and heaven far away. But you are home, held in God’s loving hands. We praise God that you have been blessed with eternal joy and peace, no more sorrow, no more pain, and we know that we will see you again one day.
Love, Your Auntie Hannah

Miss Hailey Mae

noreply@blogger.com (Hannah Disch) — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 02:48:00 +0000

Sasha and Hailey on the 4th of July

From last Monday when I saw how ill my 18-month-old niece Hailey was, to Thursday when she was diagnosed with leukemia, to tonight when we received the news that the cancer hasn't spread to her spinal fluid, I've gone through a wide range of emotions. Some of them were expected - gut-wrenching fear, helplessness, grief, thankfulness after today's news. Others were unexpected. I never thought that even a diagnosis of cancer would be a relief from the terror of not knowing what was wrong or if anything could be done. I didn't know I and others around me even more affected by the situation could find so many things to be sincerely thankful for. I've never witnessed first hand such an immense outpouring of support and love for a young family. I hadn't realized how one word could erase all of my trivial worries and help me focus on what's truly important. I forgot until I saw Jordan's sorrow and fear for his cousin, and the care Sasha took to be quiet and gentle when we visited the hospital how much children can understand and how strong their love for one another can be. As Hailey struggles for health, as Miriam and Eric struggle for strength and patience and hope, and as all of us who love Hailey struggle to come to terms with her illness, I thank God for the many ways he has blessed us all and I pray that I forget none of the lessons that I'm learning.

To see updates on Hailey and offer support visit https://www.carepages.com/carepages/HaileysCarePage

To learn more about more about acute lymphoblastic leukemia visit http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acute_lymphoblastic_leukemia

Although at this point Hailey does not need a bone marrow transplant, many leukemia patients are waiting desperately for a donor. To read an article I wrote that has some information on bone marrow transplants and the Bone Marrow Registry visit http://www.stoughtonnews.com/main.asp?SectionID=2&SubSectionID=2&ArticleID=634