tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-67287372024-09-05T18:15:20.903-04:00curly mcdimplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981959398644112683noreply@blogger.comBlogger173125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6728737.post-19635895131029641162007-08-22T11:09:00.000-04:002010-03-14T10:33:19.697-04:00

Last night I dreamt I auditioned for American Idol.I don't know. Just bear with me.So there I was sitting in a big ass holding room along with all the other hopefuls at some hotel. I can't say for sure but it might have been the La Quinta in Secaucus, New Jersey. But don't quote me on that. Then, suddenly, I was whisked into a smaller room where I was told by a production person that I was going

curly mcdimplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981959398644112683noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6728737.post-35166716835581577532007-08-06T21:06:00.000-04:002010-03-14T10:33:19.701-04:00

A knock on the door at around 7:30 this morning startled me from my semi-conscious state. My alarm had gone off about 30 minutes prior but I was enjoying that half-hour lazy grace period I always allow myself.I didn't quite register the knock on the door at first because, at the time, I was entrenched in a very vivid dream. I can't for the life of me tell you what happened in that dream now

curly mcdimplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981959398644112683noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6728737.post-76222896373859824142007-06-12T22:20:00.000-04:002010-03-14T10:33:19.703-04:00

For reasons I can't quite explain, I thought it would be a good idea to watch Halloween H20: 20 Years Later tonight... Alone in my apartment... In the middle of June. Just 'cause.I adore the original and am completely pissed that a perfect story was dicked around with in a series of sequels, one more atrocious than the next. But I watched it anyway and yes, it completely sucked. However, I did

curly mcdimplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981959398644112683noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6728737.post-52683188845956010802007-06-05T20:03:00.000-04:002010-03-14T10:33:19.705-04:00

When approached by a blind man in Brooklyn Heights and asked where Joralemon Street is, it's wise not to point your finger in the proper direction and say, "That way!"You know, so I hear...

curly mcdimplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981959398644112683noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6728737.post-37139874945991215142007-05-13T21:41:00.000-04:002010-03-14T10:33:19.707-04:00

Despite my sickly ways, I managed to hoof it across the Hudson River to visit my family for Mother's Day. Fear not as I made sure to steer clear of the new baby so as not to infect her with my funk. The So-Fucking-Cute-I-Could-Just-Smush-His-Head-One-Year-Old Nephew has a cough as bad as mine so he and I were quarantined together. I sat him on my lap and talked to him... and he pulled my hair. I

curly mcdimplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981959398644112683noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6728737.post-4212413429046219882007-02-17T19:33:00.001-05:002010-03-14T10:33:19.709-04:00

Thanks to lots of shameless shilling on my part and some possible voting irregularities, it seems that Ham & Cheese on Wry is the 2006 TLL Lesbian Blog of the Year. Lori of Hahn at Home technically received the most votes but she removed herself from the running because she felt some people voted for her site more than once. Wow. That takes a lot of integrity and class and Lori deserves high

curly mcdimplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981959398644112683noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6728737.post-42635209173013497512007-01-17T18:08:00.000-05:002010-03-14T10:33:19.713-04:00

As some of you may recall, I was recently downgraded from an office to a cubicle here at work. I did my best to suck up the disappointment and embarrassment because causing a scene is not really my style. Um, usually. Prior to the move, my office neighbor approached me and said, "If it wasn't shitty enough that you're losing your office, I hear that we'll both be flanked on either side by some

curly mcdimplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981959398644112683noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6728737.post-13983381600039733532007-01-05T22:12:00.000-05:002010-03-14T10:33:19.715-04:00

Dear Grown Men and Women Who Wear Denim Shirts (or Any Article of Clothing, Really) Adorned with Embroidered "Looney Tunes" Characters:Um, could you not?Thank you,Curly McDimple

curly mcdimplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981959398644112683noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6728737.post-85602710061894452752006-12-20T15:23:00.001-05:002010-03-14T10:33:19.717-04:00

I've found in the 10 odd years that I've been working in corporate America that the best way for management to look busy and effective is to inconvenience their underlings. Boring, senseless meetings are scheduled in Outlook on a weekly basis even though nothing is ever accomplished in those gatherings other than annoying the attendees and the poor admin who had to arrange the thing on behalf of

curly mcdimplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981959398644112683noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6728737.post-91738188054854921442006-12-08T13:44:00.000-05:002010-03-14T10:33:19.719-04:00

In addition to brilliant writing, The Sheila Variations also boasts a band of regular commenters who excel at providing hilarious commentary. The tangents that often ensue are delightful. In fact, I was inspired to compose the following letter thanks to a wonderfully off-topic comment thread that began with talk of a deflated Santa and ended with a lyrical analysis of Band Aid's earnest yet

curly mcdimplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981959398644112683noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6728737.post-1164760785591278752006-11-29T13:15:00.001-05:002010-03-14T10:33:19.721-04:00

I'm sort of lacking in blog inspiration these days. I thought maybe I'd write a holiday weekend recap but when I sat down in front of ye olde PC, I realized that not much happened out of the ordinary. But I'll take a crack at summarizing it anyway. Suffer. Let's see, there was the usual talk of turkey carcasses and then the subsequent simultaneous gagging/shushing of everyone who dared utter

curly mcdimplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981959398644112683noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6728737.post-1161787035478836142006-10-25T10:25:00.001-04:002014-02-28T15:34:04.952-05:00

In lieu of birthday drinks this year, I decided to shed some of the self-absorption and selfishness I acquired in the last year by inviting friends and family to join me in volunteering on New York Cares Day. On Saturday, The Lovely Jess, A Lover and a Fighter, Azee, The Younger Sister, Steph and Amy joined me in sprucing up a high school on Manhattan's Lower East Side. We scrubbed graffiti and

curly mcdimplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981959398644112683noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6728737.post-1161626394781822892006-10-23T14:02:00.000-04:002010-03-14T10:33:19.725-04:00

The scene: Outside of Dunkin' Donuts on Saturday at 8:30am. I am approached by a surprisingly well-dressed panhandler."Excuse me, miss! Would you mind buying me a cup of coffee? I am soooooooooo thirsty."I momentarily pondered her snazzy leather jacket and her odd choice of thirst-quencher but figured a) scam or no, the two bucks won't kill me and b) whatever wets her whistle is really not my

curly mcdimplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981959398644112683noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6728737.post-1159826828721672562006-10-17T16:02:00.000-04:002010-03-14T10:33:19.727-04:00

Picture it: The corner of Sixth Avenue and 23rd Street on a Friday evening. I had just surfaced from a short hop on the F train from Rockefeller Center and was waiting to cross the avenue teeming with rush hour traffic.Over my shoulder, a soft voice asked a question: "Miss, when the light changes, can you help me get across?"I turned around to see a blind elderly man facing in my direction with

curly mcdimplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981959398644112683noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6728737.post-1160604741242293262006-10-11T18:03:00.000-04:002010-03-14T10:33:19.729-04:00

Um, I know I shouldn't find this the least bit funny but dammit, I cannot stop giggling... Twenty-seven-year-old Chytoria Graham of Erie, Pennsylvania was pissed at her boyfriend. Instead of whacking him with a cast iron frying pan or his golf clubs or something reasonable like that, however, she picked up her four-week-old baby boy by the legs and swung the infant through the air, hitting the

curly mcdimplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981959398644112683noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6728737.post-1160403493197872352006-10-09T10:07:00.000-04:002010-03-14T10:33:19.733-04:00

Overheard on the smoking deck of Cattyshack...Whitney: There's a large Czech population in Houston.Yours Truly: Really? I did not know that.Whitney: Oh yeah. A large Vietnamese population as well.YT: Isn't there a large Indian population there too?Whitney: Native American Indians?YT: No, Asian Indians.Whitney: Hmmm... could be but I'm not sure.YT: Eh, what do I know? I'm basing this assumption

curly mcdimplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981959398644112683noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6728737.post-1158598096538137702006-09-18T12:37:00.000-04:002010-03-14T10:33:19.736-04:00

Wherein any individual found guilty of murder, aggravated assault and/or arson shall be granted immediate clemency if the alleged perpetrator's deeds were carried out in response to a persistent, annoying and loud ringtone. Furthermore, the victim, unless deceased, will serve a sentence of no less than 20 years in solitary confinement where he/she will be subject to an unending rotation of midi

curly mcdimplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981959398644112683noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6728737.post-1157928647749977302006-09-11T17:39:00.000-04:002010-03-14T10:33:19.738-04:00

Observed on the Brooklyn-bound F train yesterday:1) A man picking his nose in my direction with a wild-eyed expression and a very belligerent digging style. His boogers meant business, apparently.2) The same man then asked the guy next to him to watch his bag while he went between subway cars to either a) urinate, b) throw up, c) jerk off or d) quite possibly all of the above. 3) A man adorned in

curly mcdimplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981959398644112683noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6728737.post-1157035132129092012006-09-01T12:44:00.000-04:002010-03-14T10:33:19.740-04:00

Every now and then, I encounter the same busker in the last car of the downtown R train. As I step onboard, she's usually about a verse or two into a very slow and soulful rendition of "Always and Forever." I hate that song but I love how she wraps her voice around it. Each note starts out with a pleasant nasally tone and is finished off with a delightful rasp. Her voice is ragged and worn.

curly mcdimplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981959398644112683noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6728737.post-1156524094649927402006-08-25T14:35:00.000-04:002010-03-14T10:33:19.745-04:00

M E M O R A N D U MTo: Mother NatureCC: God (The Father, The Son and The Holy Spirit), Allah, Buddha, Shiva, George BurnsFrom: Curly McDimpleDate: 08.25.2006Re: Optional Menstruation_____________________________________________________________As a female who is opting not to have children through vaginal birth or caesarian section, I would like to formally lodge a complaint against the presence

curly mcdimplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981959398644112683noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6728737.post-1150902737877556042006-06-21T11:19:00.001-04:002010-03-14T10:33:59.809-04:00

I survived my first-ever WYSIWYG Talent Show! I stressed out majorly before going on but I really had a great time up on that stage. I think my story went over well. Um, I also think that there's a whole new crop of people out there who think I'm a complete bitch based on my scathing critique of dates gone bad, but hey, them's the breaks. People are bound to find out sooner or later that I'm a

curly mcdimplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981959398644112683noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6728737.post-1150225907058729952006-06-13T15:11:00.001-04:002010-03-14T10:33:59.811-04:00

More than one person has found his/her way to Ham & Cheese on Wry by questioning the nature of the relationship between one miss Peppermint Patty and her bespectacled buddy, Marcie. Because I'm one of the gays and, you know, we all know each other, I can say without equivocation that no, Marcie is not a sister. It chagrins me to do so since, clearly, the recruitment efforts of another lesbian (

curly mcdimplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981959398644112683noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6728737.post-1149002619012248562006-05-30T11:40:00.001-04:002010-03-14T10:33:59.813-04:00

Every morning on my way to work I buy a paper at a newsstand located on the Manhattan-bound 4/5 train platform at Borough Hall. The proprietor of the stand greets me every day with a, "Hello, my friend!" I adore him. He has the best smile -- dazzling white teeth and just the hint of a dimple in his left cheek. His eyes twinkle with every grin. I look forward to my daily hello along with my copy

curly mcdimplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981959398644112683noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6728737.post-1145037414534819512006-04-14T15:29:00.000-04:002010-03-14T10:33:59.817-04:00

Despite its serious religious significance, Holy Week was a bit of a hoot back when I was in Catholic school. Well, the beginning of the week was at least. Like every other holiday, Easter came early at school. Construction paper crucifixes and papier mache bunnies were made, Easter eggs hidden and found, paper baskets woven and copious amounts of candy consumed despite the Lenten season and its

curly mcdimplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981959398644112683noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6728737.post-1144079542393092072006-04-03T12:58:00.000-04:002010-03-14T10:33:59.819-04:00

I spent Saturday afternoon at a roller rink with my soon-to-be six-year-old niece. It was, and I quote, "[her] best birthday party ever!" She's quite skilled on her rollerblades and was one of the few kids able to skate around without clutching an adult or the wall for dear life. In fact, the only time she was found on her rump was when one of the male skate guards came near her. Wee girlfriend

curly mcdimplehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09981959398644112683noreply@blogger.com