The View from the Handbasket

Speed Dating. On Facebook?

susan@handbasketblog.com (Susan) — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 00:39:00 +0000

Is anyone else shocked to learn of the existence of a speed dating application on Facebook? Apparently you just add the box to your profile, choose from a random list of people you might like to talk to, then a chat box pops up for a few minutes. After that, you can decide if you'd like to friend that person. If the feeling is mutual, you can see each other's profile. [Read more on Rotorblog.]

I don't think I'll be signing up any time soon. I think speed dating is a little sketchy, and I some of the people you run across on the online dating sites are definitely sketchy. Thus, online speed dating seems very sketchy. Maybe it's just because it's a new concept. However, I should add that I heard about Facebook speed dating from a friend who has a friend who apparently had really good luck with it. I'll let you know if I take the leap, but don't hold your breath.

Invest in the lives of girls.

susan@handbasketblog.com (Susan) — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 20:11:00 +0000

That's pretty amazing, isn't it? [Learn more about The Girl Effect.]

Have you heard of cyber suicide?

susan@handbasketblog.com (Susan) — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 22:14:00 +0000

Nineteen year old Abraham Biggs overdosed on prescription drugs last week in Florida, while streaming live video to Justin.tv. It’s being reported that he had a history of depression and bipolar disorder, which is why he had the drugs he used to kill himself. He blogged that he was planning to commit suicide about twelve hours before he was found dead, after some kind of online altercation at a body building website where he apparently posted fairly regularly. [Read the MSNBC article here.]

This isn’t the first time something similar has happened.

A British man in his forties hung himself last year as a chat room full of people watched, some of them encouraging him to hurry up and get it over with.

There have been a few other cases reported, as well, and they’ve been given the name cyber suicide.

I can’t help but wonder what this tells us about how technology is changing the way we interact with each other. I can’t imagine how lonely I’d have to be to decide the people I wanted to talk about my desires to kill myself were random people I met in a chat room. And I can’t imagine feeling so completely overlooked by the world that I wanted to broadcast my death on the internet... or wanting to get back at someone I’d met online so badly that I’d actually kill myself.

It’s sad. Really sad.

And if that doesn't work out, maybe I could work for Stride Gum.

susan@handbasketblog.com (Susan) — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 20:00:00 +0000

Apparently they paid Matt here to travel to 42 countries to make this video. I'm trying to decide if I should write a letter to Stride asking for a job, or if I should send a letter to their competition explaining that I could make something even better. [More about Matt.]

I want to be a diplomat when I grow up.

susan@handbasketblog.com (Susan) — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 22:04:00 +0000

It looks like Barack Obama will officially announce that he’s appointing Hillary Clinton to be the new Secretary of State sometime shortly after Thanksgiving. [Read more here.]

And, according to the New York Times, Hillary is going to accept.

I’m thrilled about this. I think she will do a fabulous job for all the same reasons that I think she would be a good president. She’s smart, she’s tough, and she’s not afraid of being unpopular. Not to mention the fact that I think putting someone with her Senate experience and diplomatic knowledge in the position will go a long way toward showing the rest of the world that America is serious about changing the way we approach foreign policy.

On top of that, I think it might be a smart move if she’s still toying with the idea of running again when Obama leaves office. I can’t imagine a situation in which Joe Biden, who’s already over seventy and has a reputation for being less than electable, becomes a viable candidate to follow Obama. Serving as Secretary of State would place Hillary at a high enough rank in the Obama administration that it might make her seem like his natural successor. That’s what I’m hoping anyway. [Image source.]

Two-for-a-dollar macaroni and cheese: It's what's for dinner.

susan@handbasketblog.com (Susan) — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 23:51:00 +0000

A friend of mine has recently hopped on the coupon-cutting bandwagon, and she’s doing her best to take me with her. I was skeptical at first. But, as it turns out, I’m really starting to like it. It’s like a game to see how much I can save. And those of you who know anything about my current financial status know that any money I can save is helpful right now.

I’m not very good at the game yet, but I’m getting better. Here’s what I got last weekend for $25: three 2-liter Pepsis, a Mountain Dew, and a Sierra Mist, two packages of toilet paper, a box of Frosted Flakes, 3 packages of Pillsbury ready bake cookie dough, 2 cans of cranberry sauce, 3 cans of green beans, 2 boxes of Betty Crocker brownie mix, a five pound bag of potatoes, and 4 boxes of Kraft macaroni and cheese.

I was pretty excited about it. I saved about $11 with the coupons I got from the paper and Coupons.com, and another $16 or so on things that were already on sale. That means I spent $25 and saved $27, at least theoretically.

I’ll keep you posted on my deal-finding progress.

You mean you didn't already know that clashing clothes anger the animals?

hasseltine@eighteenthirtyeight.com (Hasseltine) — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 12:08:00 +0000

Scroll halfway down the video list above to check out the clip from Ford Model Yara’s African Safari. My personal favorite moment is when she explains what clothes you should pack so that you can be sure you match while on safari, followed by a helpful reminder that being on safari is a great excuse to wear a hat.

This makes me wonder why I haven’t been producing two minute clips of my global adventures for years now. I may not look like Yara, but I feel like I’ve done some things that would make for better viewing.

Snapbomb is paying me to write this. Literally.

hasseltine@eighteenthirtyeight.com (Hasseltine) — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 01:26:00 +0000

The economy continued its downward spiral today, and Americans continued to talk about it. Conversations about possible lay offs, the newest government bailout package, or the latest trends in Recessionwear seem to be everywhere these days.

Expendable income has become a distant, albeit fond, memory in my life. So, I’ve been looking for some ideas about how to earn some extra cash in a way that I won’t despise. I think I’ve found part of the solution. Or at least part of the solution.

One of the things that I really enjoy is blogging, and I ran across a website a few days ago that will actually pay me to blog. I thought that was a pretty amazing concept.

The site is called Snapbomb, and they pay you to blog about specific topics. Here’s how it works:

You sign up for a free account on the website, then enter your blog’s URL. Snapbomb checks the URL. You log in the next day, and they’ve calculated how much you can expect to earn from each blog post you write, based on site traffic, post quality, and other factors.

By this time, they’ve also matched your blog’s content with several opportunities to write a post for a Snapbomb advertising partner. Since the opportunities Snapbomb provides you with are content-specific, it’s very likely you’ll be making money to write about a topic that you’re interested in anyway. It’s a pretty good system.

You select an opportunity that you’re interested in, write the post as you normally would (within 24 hours of the time you accept the offer), and then provide them with the permalink. After that, your account is credited for your post.

Snapbomb pays you through your Paypal account, and there’s no minimum payout. Payments go out between four to eight weeks after you submit your post, depending on when your post is submitted. [Read more about the payment policy here.]

Snapbomb’s value database is updated daily, so it’s possible that your payment per post will increase if your site traffic increases, or if you get good reviews on the posts you submit.

You keep full editorial control of your blog. Essentially, you can write whatever you want, as long as it’s related to the opportunity posted on the Snapbomb site. The only requirement is that your post consists of at least 150 words of original content.

I’m just getting started, but so far it’s been a good experience. I’m excited about the opportunity to get paid for doing something that I like to do anyway. I thought that I’d pass it along to my fellow resource-poor bloggers. After all, even Recessionwear requires cash.

[Learn more about Snapbomb here.]

I could have saved them some money.

hasseltine@eighteenthirtyeight.com (Hasseltine) — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 14:46:00 +0000

Last week, the BBC reported a recent groundbreaking study in which the UK's Cambridge University unearthed the truth about why people use Facebook--to keep up with friends, spy on enemies, and "online stalk" former significant others. Who knew? Besides the 132 million people who logged on to Facebook last June alone.

"There are only two things I love in this world: everybody and television."

hasseltine@eighteenthirtyeight.com (Hasseltine) — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 19:11:00 +0000

That's a quote from last Thursday's episode of 30 Rock. If you're not watching this show, you should be. The writing is amazing. It's funny, fast-paced, and smart. I love the pop culture references and commentary. And did I mention that it's funny?

Tina Fey does a fantastic job writing, producing, and starring in 30 Rock, which was nominated for a record 17 Emmys last year.

Watch this show. You'll thank me.

I wish I could say the same for Molly Shannon's latest project.

Can't we all just get along?

hasseltine@eighteenthirtyeight.com (Hasseltine) — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 17:44:00 +0000

Things are quieter here today, and I’m glad. No more negative political ads on TV. Less news stories about the election. But, in their places, I’ve been seeing and hearing things that are even more disturbing to me.

I can’t tell you how many people I’ve run across in the past 48 hours who seem to sincerely believe that Barack Obama being elected President is the scariest thing that they can imagine. The people responsible for hanging effigies of Obama in Kentucky, Indiana, Oregon, and California agree with that sentiment. So do many Christian conservatives.

Steve Sang, publisher of Charisma magazine, recently sent a mass email to Charisma’s distribution list with the subject line “Life As We Know It Will End if Obama is Elected.” Focus on the Family published a fictional letter from a Christian in 2012--which forecasted an end to faith-based adoption, traditional definitions of marriage, informed consent rules for abortion, laws against child pornography, Christian books, home schooling, and the Boy Scouts—in the weeks before the election. [Full text of the letter available here. It’s worth the read.]

And now, (for them, at least) the unthinkable has happened. In the past two days, I’ve come in contact with people who are stockpiling food and water for the coming riots which they’re calling “the war at home,” praying that Barack Obama will “find Jesus” before his inauguration, and reading Revelation with renewed fervor in speculation that the Apocalypse is coming now since Obama is clearly the Anti-Christ.

Conservatives are good at fear—feeling it and spreading it—partially because it’s such a big part of their theology. (I say that as a recovering conservative.) And they’ve done a good job of fear-mongering in the weeks and months and even years leading up to this election.

But let’s take a step back, friends. We have democratically elected a President of the United States. There are almost no reports of voter fraud. There was record voter turn-out. More people than ever were given a fair chance at choosing the person to lead our country, and they did. Decisively. Maybe I'm crazy, but that’s not my worst case scenario.

In its life, our country has survived a Revolution, westward expansion, slavery, the Civil War, Reconstruction, the Industrial Revolution, the women’s suffrage movement, the Great Depression, the New Deal, two World Wars, the Japanese internment, Nagasaki and Hiroshima, segregation, the civil rights movement, Watergate and innumerable other political scandals, the Cold War, and the September 11 attacks.

I can’t imagine how anyone thinks we could find a way to endure the division, the hardship, and the uncertainty of all of those events, but not be able to survive whatever the Obama presidency holds—good or bad. The thing we should be the most afraid of is our own reaction to the fear we’re feeling about the future.

The future is coming, whether we want it to or not. And that’s a good thing, since we can’t live in the past forever. Instead of dreading the future and clinging to some false belief that things were perfect in some by-gone days, let’s welcome it. Let’s embrace hope instead of fear.

Let’s do what we can to make our country stronger and our future better. That’s what the founding fathers were concerned with—much more so than abortion, or prayer in schools, or carrying concealed weapons, or anything else I’ve heard people recently explain were fundamentally intended in their actions.

They were about freedom. They were about democracy. They were about giving people a voice. Sometimes, when you give people a voice, they don’t say what you want them to. But that’s still better than keeping them silent. Or at least it was according to the people who formed our country.

Whether you like it or not, we’re all in this together. Isn't it time we started acting like it?

Minnesota and Alaska, I salute you.

hasseltine@eighteenthirtyeight.com (Hasseltine) — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 14:16:00 +0000

I shouldn't expect less from the great people who elected Governors Sarah Palin and Jesse Ventura.

At this hour, votes are still being counted to determine whether Al Franken, former Saturday Night Live writer and cast member, will become the junior Senator from Minnesota. In less personally exciting but equally interesting news, it looks like Alaskans have re-elected Senator Ted Stevens, who faces expulsion from the Senate on charges of corruption unless his appeal is successful.

I can't help but wonder if there's a conspiracy of Alaska and Minnesota residents to do something crazy every few years just to make sure we don't forget about their states under the layer of permafrost. Then again, maybe they're just bored.

Vote. It will make you feel big and strong.

hasseltine@eighteenthirtyeight.com (Hasseltine) — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 20:26:00 +0000

I vote. Whether the election is for president or dog catcher, I vote if I can. I vote because I believe it matters. I vote because I believe in democracy, even though it’s not perfect. I vote because there are millions of people in the world right now who are ruled by governments that don’t give them a voice. I vote because laws change lives. I vote because I believe our country and our world can be, and should be, better. I vote because my great-grandmothers didn’t have a chance to, and because people made it their life work to make sure that I did.

Because you asked: What I think about San Francisco Proposition K

hasseltine@eighteenthirtyeight.com (Hasseltine) — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 23:14:00 +0000

Proposition K is a measure being voted on tomorrow in San Francisco that would decriminalize prostitution. (Read the measure here.) Legalization and decriminalization of prostitution are complicated issues. I don’t have all the answers. I don’t think that people who know way more than me have all the answers. But... I know this may come as a shock to some of you... I do have an opinion.

Here’s what I think is the most important statement related to prostitution in general, in case some of you lose interest before the end: The choices that we make are limited to the choices that we have. There are some very outspoken supporters of Prop K--and other legalization measures--who are very adamant about the fact that they, and others, have chosen sex work. They believe that prostitution being illegal infringes on their right to make that choice. There’s logic in that argument. But people also have a right to choose NOT to become involved in prostitution or exotic dancing or the porn industry. For many people, and for many reasons, I don’t think that’s the case. Many people enter the sex industry because they feel that they don’t have other choices. It’s not a choice if you “choose” sex work out of desperation, or because you don’t have an alternative. For me, that’s the upside of decriminalizing prostitution: it doesn’t turn desperate people into criminals.

There are some other good things about the measure in theory. It aims to guarantee that crimes committed against prostitutes and other people working in the sex industry are investigated and prosecuted. It also addresses some pretty serious allegations of corruption related to the sex industry as it exists in San Francisco.

That being said, I think there are a lot of problems with Proposition K. The most obvious flaw to me is that it completely eliminates funding for investigating prostitution, since prostitution would no longer be illegal. On the surface, that seems like a good way to save taxpayers money. But a sizable percentage of the funds being used to investigate prostitution are actually going toward identifying people working in the sex industry who have been trafficked. Legalization of prostitution in an area leads to increased human trafficking into the area for the purposes of feuling the growing sex industry. The area becomes a safe haven for prostitution, which means sex tourists begin to multiply, which increases the demand for sexual services, which causes traffickers to bring in more people to meet the demand. And all of that would happen after funds currently being used to address trafficking were eliminated. That seems like a pretty big problem to me.

That’s my biggest concern on a practical level, but the underlying basis of Proposition K doesn’t set well with me, either. Legalization measures are based on the theory that the existence of the sex industry is inevitable; prostitution, after all, is commonly referred to as “the world’s oldest profession.” Legalization is also based on the idea that prostitution is a victimless crime—that buying sex is socially acceptable, and that the act is mutually consensual. Proponents of legalization argue that buying sex is nothing more than a business exchange of money for a service, just like paying for your clothes to be dry cleaned or your car to be washed. I don’t think that’s true, at least not all of the time.

I think that the sex industry objectifies those who work in it, often without their consent and sometimes without their knowledge. So, while I support making the act of selling sexual services something that is legal, I think we need harsh penalties against pimps, traffickers, and those who buy sexual services. Would some people who say they choose to work as prostitutes be angry about this? Yes, because it would make some people less likely to pay for sex. That’s something I’m willing to live with. I’m willing to live with it because I think it’s one step toward our society deciding that turning people into sex objects that we somehow see as less human than we are is unacceptable.

In the meantime, I think we should be working to ensure that those objectified by the sex industry know that there are people who see them as fully human. I think we should be working to change the perceptions of those around us toward them. I think that we should be looking for educational opportunities and economic alternatives for those who no longer want to work in the sex industry, and I think we should be working harder those who are still working in the sex industry with acceptance and open-mindedness rather than judgment based only on stereotypes.

This turned into a rant. But you (well, at least one of you) did, literally, ask for it.

If you’re interested in reading what some people who have thought longer and harder about this than me, investigate the Coalition Against Trafficking in Women’s collection of articles concerning prostitution law reform.

Is anyone else following this story?

hasseltine@eighteenthirtyeight.com (Hasseltine) — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 00:33:00 +0000

CNN has reported that the trial of Indian fashion designer Anand Jon Alexander went to jury yesterday in Los Angeles. Anand Jon, who was featured in the 2003 season of America’s Next Top Model, is charged with 27 counts of sexual assault, including rape and committing lewd acts on a child.

Prosecutors allege that the designer met his 10 accusers, who range in age from 14 to 21, online, communicated with them for several weeks on the internet, encouraged them to visit him in LA to discuss their future modeling careers, and then assaulted them when they arrived. [See CNN's previous report here.]

During closing arguments last week, Anand Jon’s attorney argued that his client’s accusers were seeking revenge out of frustration that their modeling careers had failed, and that the women had "invited what happened."

I’m not saying that every person accused of sexual assault is to be presumed guilty. But I do think that if ten different people say that the same person did the same thing to them, there’s a pretty good chance that it actually happened. [Read Wednesday's AP report here.]

As for attorney argument, does this sound like a classic case of blaming the victim to anyone but me?

It apparently does to the people at the Anand Jon Support Site… except that they claim that he is the victim. It seems clear to them that the case is a huge conspiracy of hackers, racists, misandrists, habitual liars and fickle women, the State of California, and the United States government.

And what did all those entities and individuals join forces to do? Bring down the winner of the 2002 Best New Designer People’s Choice Award. After all, he did make the A Magazine list of 21 Asians to Watch in the 21st Century.

I wonder how many other people we never see.

hasseltine@eighteenthirtyeight.com (Hasseltine) — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 21:07:00 +0000

On Saturday, I watched Dark Days, a Marc Singer film about a group of homeless people who built a community in an Amtrak railroad tunnel near Penn Station in New York City.

It was fascinating. Consider adding it to your Netflix or Blockbuster queue.

This is the best thing that's happened to the plumbing profession since the Mario Brothers.

hasseltine@eighteenthirtyeight.com (Hasseltine) — Sat, 25 Oct 2008 20:35:00 +0000

CNN reported earlier this week that the Massachusetts College Republicans are trying to convince Joe Wurzelbacher (better known as Joe the Plumber of debate fame) to run for office himself. They're asking people to sign a petition pledging to support this American hero if he ran for Congress in 2010 on their website, which is called... wait for it... Plunge the Crap Out of Washington.

Want to hear the craziest part? Joe's actually thinking about doing it! Apparently sometime between his appearance on Mike Huckabee's Fox News show last Saturday and his on-air conversation with conservative talk radio host Laura Ingraham, he's decided that being a public figure might not be so bad after all.

Where do I send my resume?

hasseltine@eighteenthirtyeight.com (Hasseltine) — Sat, 25 Oct 2008 00:15:00 +0000

The Associated Press reported today that the McCain campaign pays Sarah Palin's stylist more than they pay their foreign policy advisor.

I'd like to break the story... you heard it here first, folks... that they're both getting paid a lot more than me.

I know that both campaigns are starting to run out of money. So, here's a cost-cutting idea for you, Senator McCain: I'll be your foreign policy advisor. And I bet whoever does Tina Fey's make-up for her SNL Palin appearances would be willing to travel.

Okay, you've convinced me.

hasseltine@eighteenthirtyeight.com (Hasseltine) — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 21:07:00 +0000

Check out the Smart People for McCain-Palin blog, which conclusively proves that some people who know how to use webcams and upload videos are voting Republican.

It's cheaper than making a real donation.

hasseltine@eighteenthirtyeight.com (Hasseltine) — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 23:34:00 +0000

I wanted to pass on some information about my favorite internet search engine, GoodSearch. You probably know that most search engines like Google and Yahoo are free to us (and make money for themselves) because businesses pay them to put ads on the search engine site. The people at GoodSearch take a portion of the money that advertisers pay them and donate it to charity.

GoodSearch is powered by Yahoo, so you get the same results as you would if you used the regular Yahoo search engine. You can even pick the organization or organizations that get the donation for your search; the only limitation is that the charity has to be a legal non-profit that is registered with GoodSearch.

I'm currently GoodSearching for my friends at the International Princess Project. Before that, I was searching for the Global Fund for Women.

Some other recommendations: the African Well Fund, Invisible Children, the International Rescue Committee, Isaiah's Legacy, the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation, and the ONE Campaign.

If you can't get excited about any of those, there are literally 28,000 other choices.

The average donation is a little over $0.01 per search, which doesn't sound like a lot at first. But, it adds up. Let's say, for example, I decide I'm donating to the African Well Fund. Right now I probably search Google at least ten times a day on average. That's $36 a year that the African Well Fund wouldn't get otherwise. And if I can convince 33 other people to start GoodSearching for AWF, then we'd raise $1,200 in the next year.

According to Africare (the AWF partner organization that actually digs wells) $1,200 builds a well in a village in Africa that doesn't have access to clean water. It adds up eventually. And it's easy. I'm not going out of my way to do anything except change my toolbar and bookmarks.

But wait... it gets better. The more traffic GoodSearch gets, the more advertisers are interested. Then the price of advertising space on their site goes up, which means that more charities will be getting more money. It's a good thing.

Are you convinced yet? Okay, here's what you do:

Go to www.goodsearch.com.
Go to the second text box on the page (right under "Who do you GoodSearch for?") and enter the name of the organization you want to contribute to. Then push the verify button. Make sure you verify. If you don't, it doesn't register your searches so the donation isn't made.3. Go to the first text box and search as you would normally. They keep a record of how many searches you've done and then send a check to the organization you picked.

You can also make GoodSearch your homepage or add GoodSearch to your internet toolbar.

This concludes today's public service announcement.

Things you should know about me, Part 7: I respect good theology (and I'm sarcastic)

hasseltine@eighteenthirtyeight.com (Hasseltine) — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 00:52:00 +0000

One of the journalists (and Baptists) I love and respect most is Russell Moore.

Here's a prime example of why. In a December 2005 classic that appeared in Baptist Press, he wrote that the number of evangelicals who are "unwittingly" living as feminists had reached epidemic proportions, and proudly proclaimed that this must change due to the obvious fact that "patriarchy is good for women, good for children, and good for families."

Moore also explained that "the model of biblical patriarchy/male headship that evangelicals must rediscover is tied to Scripture's teaching of the fatherhood of God" and that "the fatherhood of God is central to the Gospel and male headship, and, when practiced biblically, offers a living picture of the redemption believers have in Christ."

Luckily, there is a way that we can reinforce the literally interpreted fatherhood of God, the use of gender exclusive language, and the importance of male headship among the younger generation. It's the Anatomically and Spiritually Correct God Doll. Getting the male-ness of God firmly and correctly fixed in the minds of our children will help prevent them from becoming theologically confused "pagan feminists."

Too bad I didn't have one of those before it was too late.

Things you should know about me, Part 6: I make friends everywhere I go

hasseltine@eighteenthirtyeight.com (Hasseltine) — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 22:33:00 +0000

At the airpot this morning, I got in the security line behind these two snooty acting women who were are all dressed up. Not business dressed up or church dressed up, mind you, just weird dressed up. The blonde one was wearing this crazy cream-colored fuzzy sweater and brown dress pants and heels, of all things. The dyed-black-hair one was wearing this amazing leather woven poncho thing with leather tassels hanging off her arms. Oh, and knee-high black boots.

My first experience of them was waiting in the security line for twenty or so minutes while they griped about having to stand in line, and how their shoes hurt, and how the TSA people were so slow, and how all this security wasn‘t really necessary. So I just stood there, minding my own business, but wanting to tell them that they shouldn’t have worn such ridiculous shoes and that they deserve for their feet to hurt. But I didn’t. I just stood there, and kept turning up my iPod in hopes that I wouldn’t be able to hear them anymore if I just played Brett Dennen a little louder.

Eventually, my two non-friends and I get to the front of the security line. They apparently were so busy complaining that they didn’t notice the three signs we passed in line explaining that you couldn’t have containers of liquids larger than three ounces, and that they all needed to be in plastic bags. When the TSA agent told them this, they tried to argue with her. I’m standing there with my laptop and clear plastic bag of tiny containers of liquids out, ready to go through the line watching all of this.

The TSA agent’s supervisor finally came over, and convinced them that they really couldn’t get on the plane if they kept their full-size bottle of lotion and their two bottles of Evian water. When they finally got their stuff in the X-ray machine, the TSA agent rolled her eyes and shook her head, apparently thinking that no one would see her.

But I saw her.

I smiled, she laughed, and I thanked her very loudly for her help just to be funny. That got me a smile from the supervisor guy, who apparently agreed with me that my new acquaintances would have done everyone a favor by staying home this morning.

At this point, I should tell you that the whole time I've been wearing an old pair of jeans, a worn-in long sleeve t-shirt on top of a worn-out short sleeve t-shirt, and Teva flip flops. I’m also wearing my glasses, and my hair was more than a little out of control from being left to dry in the car by its own devices.

I got through security, found the bathroom, bought a Coke, sat down at my gate, and I’ve just started reading the next chapter in my book (Leaving Church by Barbara Brown Taylor) when, out of my peripheral vision, I see someone coming to sit down across from me.

Yes, that’s right. It was the two ridiculous middle-aged, oddly-dressed, uppity women.

I glance over at them to see who my new neighbors are. I see that it’s the dumb people from the security line, and look back down at my book.

Then the dark-haired one says, “You sure look comfortable.”

I looked up hoping that she was talking to her friend in the dress pants and heels, because that was going to make the story even better. But actually, she was talking to me. I could tell because she was looking right at me.

I said something like, “I am. I dress to be comfortable when I fly. The only people who see you in the airport are people who you’re never going to see again. I’m more concerned about being comfortable while I sit around all day than I am about what people I don’t know think about me.”

The dark-haired lady just says, “Oh.” Apparently she wasn’t expecting me to say anything. So then the blonde lady wants to get in on the conversation. She asked me where I was going. I told her that I was going to Tucson to visit a friend for a few days. Then dark-haired lady thinks she has another opportunity to demonstrate the fact that she is clearly superior to me, and she comes out with, “Oh, that’s nice. We’re going to Prague. Isn’t that exotic?”

I almost laughed out loud I was so excited about this fabulous opportunity. I couldn’t have planned it better myself.

I just waited a second and then, like it wasn’t a big deal at all, I said, “Not really. I lived there for two years. Within walking distance of the Castle, actually. It’s a beautiful city when it’s not full of tourists.”

The look on her face was priceless. Total shock.

I opened my book and just as I was about to start reading again, the Delta agent at the gate announced that early boarding for Medallion SkyMiles members was starting. The blonde lady starts complaining about how frequent flyers get to board first. According to her, frequent flyers shouldn’t get any benefits because if everyone has to pay to take the flight, then everyone should get on at the same time and get the same service.

In addition to making a really good story to shut up people who think that 26-year-olds in Teva flip flops are inferior to them, living in Prague helps you rack up significant SkyMiles. Having a SkyMiles American Express card with a several thousand dollar limit doesn‘t hurt, either. All that to say, Delta considers me quite a valuable customer. I never do early boarding, because, in general, I want to spend the shortest possible amount of time on the plane. But this time, just for spite, I whipped out my Silver Medallion SkyMiles card without even looking at them, and proceeded to board early.

It was about ten minutes before they finally got on. They glared at me in my window seat on the emergency exit row, which was so big I could stretch my legs all the way out and put them on the seat in front of me. You definitely can’t think you’re better than me if you’re not flying first class. Even then, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re better, just richer.

When I got up after the flight, I saw them sitting all the way in the back of the plane on the row right in front of the bathroom in that row of seats that doesn’t even lean back, and I laughed in my head a little.

Things you should know about me, Part 5: I ask questions

hasseltine@eighteenthirtyeight.com (Hasseltine) — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 04:05:00 +0000

Yesterday at the International Baptist Church, we prayed for Christians who are being persecuted in Afghanistan. Now, first let me say that I am glad there are churches who are globally-minded enough to know that anyone is being persecuted anywhere. And let me say that I'm all for praying for Christians who are persecuted.

But, here's my question... when's the last time you heard anyone pray in church for people of other religions who are persecuted for their beliefs? I'm pretty sure I've never heard it, but I think it's something we should be praying about. That's been making me consider why it is that churches pray for persecuted Christians at all.

If it is because of a fundamental belief that God and the church are on the side of justice and "for" people having the freedom to exercise their free will and choose to follow whatever religious beliefs they hold to be true, then I don't think we should exclude praying for persecuted people of any faith. If it's because of something else, like that we believe persecution is okay as long as it's done to people of other faiths, then I think we need to be up front about that.

Isn't it funny how we apparently only think it's important enough to pray for people being unjustly killed because of their faith when their beliefs happen to correspond with our own? And, isn't it interesting how we pray that the persecution of Christians by governments and people of "other" faiths and everyone else you can think of will stop, but we never pray that the Christians in the world who are the ones doing the persecuting of other people will stop? So, those are my initial thoughts on praying for the persecuted.

Things you should know about me, Part 4: Smart people intrigue me

hasseltine@eighteenthirtyeight.com (Hasseltine) — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 21:29:00 +0000

Friends, I'd like to introduce you to Pastor Melissa Scott of the University Cathedral in Los Angeles, California. Melissa apparently always ends her very lively, very long sermon with the phrase... "and that's my message." I've become slightly fascinated with her since I discovered her televised service sometime around 1:00 am Monday morning. I stopped because I saw this woman with crazy long red hair (when I say long, I mean waist-length like my sister and I used to wear it back in 1987) and a clerical collar (which I think might be a suitable substitute for the habit I've been threatening to get for a year or so now). That was enough to catch my attention.

But I kept watching because within about a minute and a half, she pulled out a church history book. You don't see too many late night preachers slinging around big red church history books. She then proceeded to talk about one pope after another and why she thought they were wrong. And she got points for knowing that church history matters, but I deducted most of them when she said, and I quote, "This isn't opinion. This is in a book. This is fact."

Just as I was figuring out that her theology was substantially more conservative than mine and was getting frustrated about her propagating the idea that all things that are printed are true, she turned around to the three huge white boards in front of the even more gigantic American flag on the stage, where she proceeded to translate Revelation 22 from Greek. By the time the show was over twenty minutes later, she had sung the closing song of the service herself, and she had written and translated Greek, Hebrew, and Aramaic.

It was pretty impressive then, and even more impressive when I started researching her and found out that she hasn't had any formal theological education.It turns out that she became the "Pastoring Teacher" of the Cathedral because she was ordained by Dr. Eugene Scott, founder of the Cathedral and apparently quite an interesting fellow himself. As it turns out, Pastor Melissa was the third, much younger wife of Gene Scott, who died in 2005 after naming her his successor. Melissa apparently became involved with the Cathedral because Dr. Gene had a habit of paying pretty out-of-work model types to come to his services and sit on the front row. He liked the way it looked on camera.

Apparently at the time, Pastor Melissa was working as an adult entertainment star and producer under the name Barbie Bridges. (I'll let you further investigate this for yourselves.) Dr. Gene apparently picked her out of the crowd of pretty women on the front row, discovered she was incredibly smart (her IQ is reported to be 186) and business savvy (and maybe some other things, too), married her, gave her ten years of private theological tutoring, and then left her the Cathedral empire. This is all very intriguing.

Start checking your late-night TV schedules.

Things you should know about me, Part 3: Sometimes I ramble

hasseltine@eighteenthirtyeight.com (Hasseltine) — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:10:00 +0000

"Well, of course, Miss, you are in France."

This was the reply of the French man at the security checkpoint at the Charles de Gaulle airport in Paris when I asked him if he was serious about me not having to take out my computer for the ump-teenth time on my trip back to Prague. It was just about the only good thing that happened to me there. No one really horrible thing happened. It was just, to use a phrase I'm pretty sure I came up with before that dang Lemony Snicket person stole it, a series of unfortunate events that made it less than enjoyable. First, my flight from Atlanta into Paris was delayed. It was only 45 minutes and it wasn't a big deal, except for the fact that apparently the pilot wasn't in a hurry to get there, because we landed in Paris over two hours after we were sheduled to arrive. That, of course, made me miss my flight to Prague.

The next flight was only two hours later this time... not the next day. This was definitely a good thing; however, I must say that a day in Paris on my way back here would have been a lot more exciting to me than the night in Amsterdam when I was just trying to get home was in December.

Anyway... my carry-on suitcase, my backpack and I then ventured away from the transfer desk into the ridiculously confusing place they refer to as Charles de Gaulle airport. For those of you have never had the pleasure of this experience, to get from one terminal to another, which of course I had to do to get where I was going, you have to ride a bus. I don't mean a train that's inside the airport like the Atlanta airport or the Frankfurt airport. I mean a walk from the door of the airport in the freezing rain to the bus situation. That's bad enough... but when we get to the bus it is almost completely packed. Everyone in my cold little group of people managed to squeeze on and we went to the next terminal.

Now instead of telling the twenty people waiting there that the bus was full, the bus driver gets up and tells everyone on the bus that they have to move to make room for more people. By some miracle... or maybe evil scheme of the enemy... about ten more people packed themselves into the bus. Luckily for me, or at least I thought so, the next stop was mine. I was pretty excited about getting off the bus full of people before we ran out of oxygen or I passed out completely from some kind of claustrophobic nervous breakdown.

There are two things that must be said before I continue with the story:

1.) I was, at this point, jammed against the luggage rack on the inside of the bus about three feet from the front door of the bus. My backpack somehow got lodged between a suitcase and the top of the second shelf of the luggage rack when the rather large man in a suit pushed me backwards to make room for more people.

2.) If I learned anything in my first four months as a European, it is that to get off a crowded public transportation vehicle, you have to push. This isn't necessarily shove people out of the way pushing, but a firm nudge that is definitely more than the polite Southern girl "Excuse me" and wait for everyone to move tactic. It just doesn't work. You end up five stops from where you started trying to get off, and then you have no idea how to get to where you were trying to go.

So, back to me... that's right... when you last left me I was trapped between a large European man in a blue suit and a cold metal luggage shelf on a bus that was way over the capacity assigned to it by whatever the French version of the fire marshall is. We finally pull up to the next terminal... the one where I need to get off. As we start to slow down, I give my best "pardone" (that is "excuse me" in Czech and it sounds more French than "excuse me," plus it gets me in the right frame of mind to push my way out to fresh air instead of in the frame of mind to stand there and wait for everyone to move first so I don't offend them) and give the man in the blue suit a nice firm nudge on the back of the shoulder. Man in the blue suit tries to move, but there is nowhere for him to go. A few people start to get off in the front of the bus. I'm not sure if that was because they were actually trying to go to Terminal 2B or if they just couldn't take any more of being trapped like sardines. That gives man in the blue suit some room to start moving toward the front to let me off.

I keep pushing my way to the front door and just as I start down the steps, the driver closes the door in my face. I turn around and ask him to please open the door, reverting to my Southern girl manners... this time in English because it's the only language I can say that in... I can say "please no close the door" in Spanish, but that sounds so ridiculous I would only say it if I really had to... and on a bus in a French airport, you don't really have to. The bus driver responds to my polite request to reopen the door so I can get off his smelly overcrowded airport bus by getting up out of his chair, opening up the little box separating him from the stacked-on-top-of-each-other-passengers, and starting to yell at me in French.

I really don't know what he was saying, but he kept pointing to the back door of the bus like I was an idiot for not going through the twenty-five people who were between me and the back door instead of pushing my way through man in the blue suit and the other five or so people between me and the front door. Now at this point, I have just gotten off a plane that I was on for nine hours, then stood in line for an hour to find out that I have to wait at the airport for another two hours before getting on the next plane, then walked through freezing rain to get on a bus, then had more people than I can count in my personal space before this guy starts yelling at me in a language I don't understand.

It is also important to mention that at this point I have two Benadryls in my system. Now my entire family and a number of my friends will attest to the fact that Benadryl does not make me a happy camper, even in the best of circumstances. So instead of apologizing or doing nothing or trying to break down the door of the bus, I start yelling back at the bus driver... telling him that the bus was too full anyway and that there was no way I could have gotten out of the back door any faster and that he should just open the door so I could get off his stupid bus.

Apparently this was the day that they French bus driver learned the other important lesson my first four months in Europe taught me... that being yelled at in another language is one of the most utterly confusing experiences a person can have. He looked completely flabbergasted. He threw up his hands and turned around, then swung open the door to his little partition, sat back down in his chair, and opened the door. I told him thank you and got off the bus, walked back into the freezing rain, and made it into the terminal where I was supposed to be.

The next hour and a half involved me wandering around wishing that all the seats in the airport weren't on the other side of the security checkpoints at the gates, which they don't let you go through until it is almost time for your flight. I also went to one of the airport restaurants and paid about eight dollars for a ham and cheese sandwich called a croque monsieur or a croquet monster or something like that. Then, finally, it was time to report to the gate for my flight back to Prague. That is the point at which I met the nice man who didn't make me take out my laptop... and that, my friends, is where the story started.