Charlie was so much more than just a pet, or even just a member of our family. He was both company and security on lonely nights when Justin was working second shift and during all my quiet days working alone at home. He was a foot warmer on cold days and a fuzzy pillow to cry on when I was sad.

He helped keep our floors clean and taught us to only eat at the table and never leave our food unattended. He did his level best to teach the kids to pick up their LEGOs, stuffed animals, and dirty socks. He was my (frequently frustrating) walking buddy who excelled at sniffing and peeing on all. the. things. and very rarely barked.

He loved rolling around on the floor with the kids, lived for pets and belly rubs, treated every second of mealtime like it was a race, and (with the exception of mushrooms and wilted salad greens) never met a type of food he didn’t like.

We often joked that he was part cat because of his extreme dedication to napping in the sun and grooming himself.

He patiently endured being forced to wear capes, socks, hats, and sunglasses and thoroughly enjoyed both forts and our pop-up camper. Pretty much any snuggly space surrounded by family was his absolute jam.

He was somewhat scared of the water, tried to eat waves like he thought they were fish, and was completely un-phased by heights of any kind. We called him our mountain goat and I was often afraid that he would accidentally fall to his death when we were hiking near cliffs and bluffs.

He was both the best and most expensive thing we’ve ever gotten for free.

When we found him through a Craigslist ad 10 years ago, he was 2 or 3. Potty trained and patient with children, but too skinny with bald patches, tummy troubles, and a fear of small spaces, rolled up newspapers, and being left alone outside. He could jump straight up in the air like a kangaroo, foamed at the mouth when he was worked up (he was a drooly boy!), and was used to being walked with a choke collar. We taught him to sit, stay, lay down, and (sometimes) heel. Over the years, he mellowed out and learned about unconditional love, and safety, and security.

He was the best dog a family could ever ask for (although I imagine we’ll be finding piles and piles of dog hair around our house for years to come). We love and we miss our sweet, wrinkly, soft, special Sir Charles Barkley more than words can ever say!

1. I no longer need to set an alarm. My elderly dog now sits outside my bedroom door and whines to be let in at approximately 5:55 every single morning. This is perfect timing because I’ve usually just managed to fall back into a deep sleep after dozing through the sounds of my husband’s alarm (he typically hits snooze 3-4 times), shower, and coffee/work lunch preparations. After I open the door for the dog and crawl back into bed, he proceeds to groom himself loudly and make grumbling noises for several minutes before falling asleep and starting to snore. If I actually manage to get back to sleep after this, he starts whining to go out of the bedroom about 45 minutes later. I haven’t tested whether or not he would eventually start whining to come back in if I then went back to bed, but I imagine it would be a vicious and unending cycle. Since today is Saturday, I got to listen to snoring in stereo this morning - the dog on one side of the bed and my husband on the other.
   

2. One of our outdoor/garage cats caught a bird the other evening and left it at the top of the stairs as a gift. Since I didn’t immediately get rid of it (I consider disposing of animal corpses to be a job for anyone other than me), he and/or his brother went to town on it. Initially they left the wings for us, but eventually all that remained was two sad bird feet at the bottom of the steps and feathers, feathers, feathers, feathers everywhere.
   

3. While addressing my son’s graduation party invitations at 11 o’clock last night, I failed to notice that the envelopes had been flipped top-to-bottom midway through the stack. The vast majority of the invitations that I addressed upside down are, naturally, going to the people most likely to notice my mistake.

Any day now my Facebook news feed will be inundated with pictures of the cute and clever things my friends have done with their Elf on the Shelfs (Elves on the Shelves?), links to lists of cute and clever things to do with an Elf on the Shelf and posts from friends lamenting their lame, last minute efforts to do something with their Elf on the Shelf before their kiddos notice that he hasn't moved in a few days (quick, fling him down the stairs!).

We don't own an Elf on the Shelf for a number of highly significant reasons that are similar to the reasons we don't "do" Santa or the Easter Bunny at our house. That's not what the season is about, I don't like to try to convince my kids to believe things that aren't true because I want them to trust me, blah, blah, blah. If you choose to do the Elf on the Shelf, Santa, the Easter Bunny, leprechauns, fairies and unicorns etc. with your kids rest assured that I AM NOT JUDGING YOU. I've just chosen  to do things differently with my kids, for all the significant reasons I allude to above but also, and most importantly, because I am HORRIBLE at those kind of things.

I am not a mom who does Pinterest-worthy things - not birthday party themes, not holiday decor, not cute and fun little holiday/end of school year/back to school/third Tuesday of the month traditions. I'm busy, I've got other interests, it's not my skill set and even if my intentions are good, I don't get organized in time, or even remember to follow through at all sometimes. Case in point - the tooth fairy.

Yes, we do "do" the tooth fairy at our house. Do the kids know the tooth fairy isn't real? Yes. Do they care? No. The tooth fairy brings them money and that's all they care about. Well, that and getting their hard-earned loot in a timely fashion (yes, all that wiggling is hard work and having the dentist pull out your teeth is no easy feat either). And there's the sticking point - I am TERRIBLE at remembering to swap the teeth out for the money. (Also I don't know what to do with the teeth once I have them, but that's a whole other story.)

These are a few of the series of notes my children have written to the tooth fairy in recent years, trying to remind her to take their teeth and leave their money:

Sometimes this tactic works well, but more often it takes a few tries before the tooth fairy follows through. Sometimes the tooth fairy has to set an alarm on her phone so that she remembers to go upstairs after the kiddos are asleep and make the swap. When the tooth fairy's assistant worked second shift, the tooth fairy would often shift responsibility for the task onto him (via text), thus absolving herself of all blame if the money wasn't left the same day that the tooth was lost.

The tooth fairy (and her assistant) failed epically when Jordan lost his last two baby teeth. One came out on its own and the other the dentist had to pull. I have to admit, it's been so long since this happened that I can't remember which was which or if he was in 6th grade or 7th at the time (he's in 8th now). In any case, Jordan had the first tooth under his pillow for at least a week, got sick of waiting for the tooth fairy to show up and pinned an envelope with the tooth in it to a bulletin board in his bedroom. When the second tooth came out he added it to the envelope. Periodically he would remind me to remind the tooth fairy that he was still waiting for his money. Eventually I think he forgot the teeth were been there (I know I did). When I sat down to write this post the other day I suddenly remembered the teeth on the bulletin board. I dug through my wallet, found five crumpled up one dollar bills and ran upstairs. Sure enough the teeth were still there. I wrote a quick note and pinned the whole mess to the bulletin board. Remembered a couple of hours later that I'd left the tooth envelope on his desk and ran upstairs to dispose of it before he got home from school. 

I feel mildly guilty about the whole thing but really, there are more important things in life to worry about, plus being a somewhat negligent tooth fairy is sort of a tradition in my family. The last tooth I lost lived in a plastic bag attached to our fridge with a magnet for probably at least 3 years. Anyway, I'm  pretty sure any attempts on my part to carry out an Elf on the Shelf tradition would fail in a similarly spectacular fashion, so I think it's best not to even try. Sasha's the only one who's asked why we don't have one and I just told her we have different holiday traditions (conveniently leaving out the part about the busy, forgetful, non-Pinterest worthy mother).

This is what my hair looked like when I woke up this morning. Not the greatest quality picture and the lighting's bad (makes my hair look way darker on top than it actually is, but it gives you an idea anyway...

Those of you who don't know me personally or who don't generally see me roll out of bed in the morning have no idea how impressive this is, but trust me, I usually wake up with my hair sweaty, slightly greasy and plastered to my head on at least one side. I may be able to wear my hair down the day after washing it, but trust me, I won't be loving it, and more often then not it goes straight into a braid, ponytail or bun. This morning however, I was beyond impressed with my hair. I may possibly have actually made a few extra trips to the bathroom just to check out my hair in the mirror.

So, how did I reach this amazing second-day hair nirvana? It's been quite the journey, let me tell you.

Step 1: Spent most of my life washing my hair every other night, going to bed with wet hair (sometimes blow drying the roots a bit), and being perfectly fine with how it looked the next morning (I wasn't too picky). Sometimes stretched it to a third day in between washing if I was feeling lazy, although you could definitely tell it needed to be washed by then.

Step 2: Had a baby who grew into a toddler. Felt like I needed a change and got sick of having my hair pulled. Chopped most of my hair off. Realized if I slept on my hair wet it looked crazy so started washing and blow drying my hair every day.

Step 3: Went through a major crisis in my marriage, decided to grow my hair out again partly because my husband likes it long and partly because I missed having long hair and thought if it was longer I could go back to washing it less frequently. Realized I was used to how my hair looked after I blow dried it and kept washing and drying every day even after it grew past my shoulders.

Step 4: Realized I was too busy to wash and dry my hair every day and that my hair was getting really fine, flat but frizzy and dry. Started using volumizing shampoo and conditioner and trying to only wash my hair 2 or 3 times a week. Attempted to air dry my hair but hated the feeling of wet hair on my neck and shoulders for hours, didn't like the weird bumps that showed up when I tried to put it up, gave up and  went back to using my blow dryer.

Step 5: Still felt frustrated with my alternately frizzy/dry and limp/oily hair. After years of contemplating going no-poo (i.e. washing your hair with something other than a sulfate-containing shampoo that strips all the oils off your hair and scalp) decided to give the water-only method of hair washing a try. FYI there is more to this than just rinsing your hair in the shower and calling it a day. It involves quite a bit of scalp massage, boar bristle brushing, something called preening and lots of scrubbing in the shower.

Step 6: Started liking how healthy the ends of my hair looked but was frustrated by the feeling that I could never quite get the roots of my hair all the way clean. The water-only washing process also involves stretching out the time in between washing your hair as long as you possibly can. After a almost a month I forcing myself to wait 4-5 days in between washing my hair but it didn't feel like my hair was adjusting at all. (It's supposed to respond to no longer having all the oil stripped out by gradually producing less oil until it almost never really looks or feels oily. This can be a weeks or months long process and I am not a patient person.)

Step 7: Couldn't take it anymore and washed my hair with a little bit of castile soap followed by an apple cider vinegar rinse a few times. Was not impressed with how much build up was left on my scalp and how tangly my ends were getting, even though I was applying a little bit of coconut oil to the ends just before blow drying.

Step 8: Spent a couple hours one morning researching what might be causing my problems with water-only washing and looking into various no-poo alternatives. Decided water-only might work for me eventually but I needed to be  more committed to the process and might need to find another no-poo method to use to ease the transition. All the no-poo options I was considering involved the effort and inconvenience of having to either make something slightly complicated fairly frequently and/or order and wait for something to be shipped to me. Finally came across a mention of washing your hair with.............wait for it...........rye flour, of all things! According to My Healthy Green Family among other sources, rye flour is loaded with vitamins, proteins and minerals which are great for hair and skin including pantothenic acid (which Pantene adds to their shampoo in synthetic form to increase strength, shine and overall health).  Rye flour is also naturally perfectly pH balanced so it won't dry your hair out or strip it of its natural oils.

Step 9: Decided I didn't have much to lose and mixed up 3 tablespoons of rye flour with enough water to make a runny paste. Took it in the shower, globbed in onto my hair and scalp and let it sit for a few minutes. Realized I was making  the most tremendous mess (globs of rye flour paste were everywhere) and decided I would probably never try this again. Scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed trying to get all the bits of flour out of my hair (I used stone ground flour instead of the recommended finely ground flour because that's what I had on hand). Rinsed the shower repeatedly to get rid of the residual rye flour globs. Got out of the shower, combed my hair (pretty easily), noticed there were still bits of rye husk all over my hair and clumps of rye flour paste in my ears. Cleaned my ears, rubbed a little coconut oil in to the ends of my hair and blow dried as normal.

Step 10: Stood in front of the mirror, deeply impressed. All the rye husk bits had come out of my hair easily while blow drying. My hair was soft, shiny and smooth with good volume. It looked, and more importantly, felt clean. Swept up all the flour bits off the bathroom  floor and double checked the shower for flour clumps. Enjoyed pretty, clean, non-staticy hair all day. Went to bed hoping for the best but prepared to put my hair up today. And, you know the rest - my day 2 hair is still pretty, clean, non-staticy and actually still looks great after being bundled up in a shower cap, suffering through an intense Pilates workout and a being shoved under a ski cap while I walked the dog.

So, we'll see how long this great hair stuff lasts. I'm still going to try to stretch out how long I go in between hair washings and maybe eventually try the transition to water-only washing again. For now though I'm happy to brave the gloppy flaky mess I make when washing my hair with rye flour (and presumably I'll learn to do it a little bit more neatly with practice). 

I've never been much of a morning person or a huge breakfast eater but since I've been consistently getting up fairly early and walking Charlie (our dog) in the morning, I've realized that I'll never make it to lunch time if I don't eat something for breakfast. Some of my favorite breakfast foods are French toast or pancakes with bacon, omelettes, and soft boiled egg with toast and tea. I've been trying to cut back on how much wheat and flour I eat in general and I've also been trying to be a little bit more efficient in the morning so I have time to work out, walk the dog, take a shower, write and still get all my work hours in for the day. So I've been experimenting (fairly successfully) with some different breakfast options.

First of all, I start off pretty much every day with either a chai or green tea latte. I love tea, it helps re-hydrate me, the caffeine helps wake me up, the protein helps me not feel sick to my stomach and it's basically how I reward myself for getting out of bed every morning. Plus it only takes 5 minutes to make. I've been doing this for several years and it's pretty much the only thing I like about early mornings besides the quiet (unless there's a gorgeous sunrise).

I tend to make breakfast a couple hours after I've gotten up, when I actually feel hungry. This summer I made lots of green smoothies (with chia seeds, gelatin and coconut oil for extra nutrition), which was nice - quick, easy and fresh. I switched up the fruit and other flavorings I added so that I didn't get bored. Unfortunately there's no way I can bring myself to drink a cold smoothie in the morning in the fall or winter since I'm usually freezing as it is. (I tried a warm pumpkin smoothie once, but wasn't very impressed. Kind of reminded me of what it's like to throw up a smoothie. Maybe I need to find a better recipe? Anyway...) Enter muesli, baked oatmeal, blender waffles, egg scrambles and avocado egg toast.

Muesli is basically uncooked granola. I make mine by mixing up a big batch of rolled oats, chia seeds, chopped nuts and chopped dried fruit. You can eat it raw with milk or yogurt, but I prefer to add a little milk and/or water to mine and cook it for a few minutes (stirring frequently!). I also typically add coconut oil or peanut butter, salt, other spices (like cinnamon, nutmeg, cardamom or ginger) and vanilla or almond extract while I'm cooking it. After it's done cooking I like to add another splash of milk (I use soy) because I really enjoy the combination of warm cereal and cold milk.

As for oatmeal, I really never planned to eat it once I started cooking for myself. Because oatmeal is nutritious, cheap, easy and fairly quick to make, we had it constantly when I was growing up. And although my dad is a wonderful cook, I only ever remember eating grayish, gluey, boring oatmeal. Once I had kids of my own and started trying to reduce the amount of wheat we all eat I revisited oatmeal, and to my surprise, if cooked correctly and flavored properly, it's really pretty delicious. I like to cook oatmeal just long enough and with just enough liquid to be nice and creamy but not gluey. I add plenty of salt, spices like cinnamon, nutmeg, cardamom or ginger (are you sensing a theme?), vanilla or almond extract (almost always almond - that stuff is amazing!), coconut oil, chia seeds and fruit (dried, fresh or frozen) while I'm cooking it. Sweeten lightly with maple syrup or honey, serve with a splash of milk and (the game changer for me)  top with fresh fruit and chopped toasted nuts.

Okay, so I do realize that my versions of muesli and oatmeal are really exactly the same things but in my mind they're two different foods because the muesli is mixed up ahead of time and I only make one serving at a time whereas I always cook oatmeal in a big batch completely from scratch and add fresh fruit when I serve it. So oatmeal tends to be more of a weekend food for us because between getting out all the ingredients, waiting for the water to boil (I almost always make 6-8 servings so this takes awhile) and stirring, I'm stuck in the kitchen for about half an hour.

Enter baked oatmeal. I'm still experimenting a bit with this one but I love it because you do all the prep at night and in the morning all you have to do is take the pan out of the fridge, pop it in the oven, wait 30 minutes and you've got a delicious breakfast highly reminiscent of one of my favorite desserts (apple crisp). I start by filling a glass baking dish about half full of fresh or frozen fruit (favorites include various combinations of sliced apples, diced rhubarb and frozen berries). Top with enough rolled oats to thoroughly cover the fruit. I also like to add chopped nuts, chia seeds, salt and spices (yep, cinnamon, nutmeg, cardamom or ginger again). If I'm feeling lazy or am in a hurry I just throw these in on top of those oats without mixing. If I've got time I mix these up with the oats and some melted coconut oil and vanilla or almond extract before I add them to the pan with the fruit. You could also mix all the ingredients including the fruit together and then spoon it into the baking  dish. The next step is to add enough liquid to almost cover everything. I usually use a combination of coconut milk and water. If I've mixed up the oat topping with coconut oil I skip this step and don't add any liquid before cooking (which is actually my favorite way to do this). Store in the fridge until you're ready to bake. I usually put the oatmeal together after supper and then put it in the oven when I get up in the morning. If it's been in the fridge, you'll want to put the oatmeal in the oven without pre-heating (putting a cold glass dish in a hot oven is a very bad idea). Bake at 350 for 30-45 minutes (basically until the top starts to brown). Serve warm with milk or yogurt if you like.

Blender waffles have become a huge favorite in our house. I love them  because the recipe we use calls for intact grains, not flour, so you know your'e getting the whole grain and the recipe is super customizable. It's really pretty easy to make a big batch of waffles, freeze them and pop one in toaster for breakfast in the morning. I make variations of this recipe: Tuesday Recipes: Waffles/Pancakes. I typically don't soak the batter overnight, just mix it up and make the waffles right away. I usually replace the buttermilk with coconut milk and/or soy milk and often add some spices (you know which ones) or other ingredients to change the flavor. Recent favorites include pumpkin spice waffles (add pureed pumpkin and cinnamon, nutmeg and ginger, reduce the liquid slightly if necessary) and chocolate banana almond waffles (add 2 mashed bananas and 1/4 cup cocoa powder, replace the vanilla extract with almond extract and reduce the liquid slightly if necessary). The kids like maple syrup on their waffles but I generally just eat mine with a little butter.

Egg scrambles are pretty self-explanatory. Chop whatever veggies and/or meat you're using (a great way to use up leftovers), saute in butter or oil for a bit if you want, mix the eggs up with a splash of milk or water (and salt and pepper if you like) and cook. I usually top mine with cayenne pepper or hot sauce (Melinda's is the best!) and sometimes smoked paprika and/or goat cheese. I also just made my first batch of scrambled egg muffin cups this week and they turned out great! I added chopped veg. (arugula and onions) and meat (venison summer sausage) to muffin cups (I use silicone liners for easy clean up), filled each cup 3/4 full with the egg mixture and baked for 30 minutes at 375. Heat one or two up in the microwave in the morning for 15-20 seconds and you've got a super quick, healthy and filling breakfast.

Avocado egg toast is my favorite quick and easy culinary discovery in awhile. I've been hearing people talk about it for ages and finally gave it a try. Basically, you mash up some avocado (I use between a quarter and a half of the avocado depending how big it is), spread it on a piece of toast and top it with a fried egg (I add salt and hot sauce). One way to make this even quicker (and possibly more delicious) is to make a batch of hard boiled eggs in advance. Then in the morning just mash one hard boiled egg up with your avocado, add salt, hot sauce, etc. if you want and spread that on the toast. I typically eat this with some fruit. 

So that's been my breakfast lately. It's been great to be able to have warm and healthy breakfast options that only take me a couple minutes in the morning to prepare, are more filling than toast and a cup of milky tea, aren't all wheat-based and involve lots of vegetables and/or fruit. If you've got any other ideas for quick and healthy breakfasts (or a warm smoothie recipe that you actually like) I'd love to hear them!

Family is a complicated thing. I love my parents and brothers and sisters and I think we're much closer than a lot of families. (When you grow up sharing one bathroom between eleven people, a bedroom with anywhere from one to eight siblings and occasionally a bed with one or more siblings, that tends to happen.) Sometimes there's drama or hurt feelings, but for the most part we enjoy spending time together and get along when we do. There are definitely issues that have carried over from childhood and plenty of personality conflicts but (from my perspective at least) they don't generally stand in the way of us feeling like a family. In fact, for many of us, our family members are our best friends and the only people we truly feel free to be ourselves with.

Extended family is a little different. Maybe it's because we have such a large family that we didn't feel the need for exceptionally close relationships with extended family growing up, maybe because we lived farther away from the rest of our extended family than they did from each other, maybe because many of us are introverted and/or shy and don't find it easy to talk to people we don't know well or maybe it involves interpersonal dynamics between my parents and their parents and siblings that I never understood as a child and still don't really grasp today...Whatever the reason, I don't feel particularly close to or comfortable with most of my extended family. This makes family reunions awkward, to say the least.

Don't get me wrong, I love my grandma, aunts and uncles and assorted first, second and third cousins (or is it second cousins once removed? Still a little confused on that one...), I just don't know what to say to some of them. When we were kids it was a little easier. We'd start off in our separate immediate family huddles but then the grown-up talk would get boring or we'd need to sneak away from our parents to drink a soda (or three) in peace or there would be outbuildings to explore, animals to check out, music to dance to or games to play. We would eventually start discussing our families, school, music, sports, whatever. It helped that between weddings, graduations, confirmations, family reunions and occasional holiday get togethers we saw each other several times a year.

Now that we're all adults, some of us with families of our own, we see our extended family quite a bit less. Whether it's because of college classes, work schedules, kids' extra-curricular activities schedules or other family obligations, I think most of my siblings and I see our extended family less than once a year, on either my mom or dad's side. In fact, the only time I think I've seen my any of my dad's side of the family in the last 7 to 10 years is at funerals . We see my mom's side of the family a bit more (and always have for some reason) since my mom plans family reunions around the bi-annual visits of one of her brothers who lives out of state, and occasionally someone else on her side still plans a large graduation, retirement or anniversary party.

Here's how these events tend to go for me:

Step 1: Arrive. Immediately look around for my parents, brothers, sisters, nieces or nephews.

Step 2: Say hello to all immediate family members and my grandma, grab some food and find somewhere to sit that's both on the periphery of the room and close to immediate family.

Step 3: Eat and talk to family members sitting close by (usually a few of my sisters). Stay huddled in our comfortable corner together as long as possible.

Step 4: Realize that the longer I sit in the corner not talking to people the more awkward it will get to finally make the first move (and the more likely people are to think I'm an uppity b**** who thinks she's too good for everyone else, which could not be farther from the truth) and force myself to get up. Feel jealous of any siblings who have close relationships with some extended family members and are happily talking to them. Envy my mom who works incredibly hard to maintain her relationships with family and who, in any case, never has any problem talking to anyone who is willing to talk to her.

Step 5: Go sit by my grandma and talk to her until someone else comes along who wants to talk to her. Although I don't see her nearly as often as I would like, I'm never intimidated by my grandma and I know she's always happy to see me too.

Step 6: Approach the family members who I only feel mildly awkward attempting to talk to (meaning I used to spend more time talking to them when I was younger, they generally seem happy to see me and they're much better at carrying on a conversation than I am). Give them hugs, ask how they're doing, talk a bit and let them speak with other people when they're ready (I've realized that I have an unfortunate tendency to try to monopolize someone's time, if they're one of the few people in a room that I'm comfortable talking to and we're carrying on a conversation - not cool).

Step 7: Approach the family members that I have a harder time talking to (maybe they have a hard time making small talk like I do, maybe we don't have much in common, maybe they just don't really have any interest in talking to me - who knows) but I would feel guilty about not saying hello to, at least. Say hello, ask how they're doing, attempt to think of things to talk about that aren't the weather (thank God we live in Wisconsin and the weather is always doing something annoying, unbelievable or worthy of appreciation), stand there awkwardly until someone else comes up to talk to them, they walk away to do something else or I come up with something I need to do (check on the kids, get another drink, whatever). 

Step 8: Eye all the family members I've probably never spoken to in my life, for whatever reason (they were born after I moved out of my parents house and I've only seen  them a handful of times, they're a generation older than me and never spoke to me when I was a kid so I've never spoken to them as an adult, I don't know who they are, etc.). Decide they probably won't/shouldn't be insulted if I don't talk to them since they've never bothered to talk to me.

Step 9: Find somewhere to sit near a group of people and attempt to relax and possibly participate in the conversation. Bonus points if the group contains both members of my immediate family and members of my extended family.

Step 10. Round up the kids and say our good-byes. Day dream on the way home about making plans to connect with my extended family more often so we can really get to know one another. Hope I will actually follow through with this someday. Go home, put on yoga pants and take a nap. You would not believe how exhausting socializing can be sometimes.

I heard an excerpt from this book on a thought-provoking public radio show - To The Best of Our Knowledge: A Borderless World, which is well worth a listen. I've been thinking about immigration a lot lately, considering the issues, the varied way people respond to them and what can be done to help people who are struggling to escape extreme poverty, violence and oppression. 

Sunjeev Sahota is a British novelist whose paternal grandparents emigrated to Britain from the Punjab in 1966. He was brought up in the British Sikh community and regularly visits extended family in India. So although The Year of the Runaways is a novel, it is grounded in the reality of what Sahota has witnessed both in India and in England.

Here's a synopsis from Goodreads:

The Year of the Runaways tells of the bold dreams and daily struggles of an unlikely family thrown together by circumstance. Thirteen young men live in a house in Sheffield, each in flight from India and in desperate search of a new life. Tarlochan, a former rickshaw driver, will say nothing about his past in Bihar; and Avtar has a secret that binds him to protect the choatic Randeep. Randeep, in turn, has a visa-wife in a flat on the other side of town: a clever, devout woman whose cupboards are full of her husband's clothes, in case the immigration men surprise her with a call.

I can't honestly say I enjoyed The Year of the Runaways or that I found it fascinating. Those are the wrong words for an exploration of lives lived in situations ranging from unfortunate to brutal hardship where, despite people's best efforts, everything seems to go from bad to worse.

I found this book to be compelling and, for the most part, extremely well written. It gives a much needed picture of the struggle that people go through in poverty-stricken regions of the world like India, the desperate measures they're willing to go to in order to try and better their lives and the bleak reality that many experience if they do manage to make it to a "better" place.

Literature like this forces the reader to examine not only the pre-conceived notions they may have about people in certain circumstances, but also the vast gulf between the privilege that many of us possess and the circumstances of much of the rest of the world. This quote from mid-way through the book spoke to me more strongly than anything else (probably because I've spent way too much time preoccupied with whether or not I "belong" in my family, my friendships, my community):

Avtar returned to his room without asking about the job. He sat on the bed and gave in to his anger. What decadence this belonging rubbish was, what time the rich must have if they could sit around and weave great worries out of such threadbare things.

Although I do appreciate realism in novels, at times the grittiness in The Year of the Runaways was a bit much for me - the language, the violence, the crudeness, the despair. I do understand it's purpose here though and there was so much more to this novel than that. I really enjoyed getting to know Sahota's characters, understanding their motivation, their hopes, their fears, their dreams and their scars. I feel like that's what this world really needs - human beings getting to know and understand their fellow human beings as individuals, not as caricatures of a race, religion, culture or socio-economic status.

SPOILER ALERT: I review the novel's ending below.

I do have to say though, that I was disappointed by the ending. We spent over 400 pages and years of time building up to what turns out to be just some boring suburban existence for most of the characters. How did they get there from the depths that they were in? There's really no explanation. And Avtar seemed like an entirely different person. Where's his drive, to work, to provide, to better himself? It just didn't track for me. 

Despite that, I do really recommend this novel. Although it's long, it certainly held my interest and I found the story to be both thought-provoking and valuable.

LINKS:

Zen Habits: The Downward & Upward Spiral of Health & Productivity “The bad news about health and productivity habits is that if you start to slip up, things can slowly spiral downward. If you are tired, you can’t focus on your important work, you don’t make time for exercise or cooking healthy food, so you grab some fast food, you veg out in front of the TV. This doesn’t lead to better energy the next day, but it does lead you to feel worse and worse about yourself. When you feel worse about yourself, you want to comfort yourself with more unhealthy food. You don’t feel motivated to exercise or be productive. Things spiral downward, until you feel hopeless and out of control. The good news about these habits is that they can also spiral upward...'“

HuffPost: Declutter Your Fantasy Self “Have you ever looked around your home - at the stuff piled in the lounge and bedrooms, the stuff crammed into cabinets and drawers, the stuff spilling out of closets and boxes - and wondered, "Where did all this come from, anyway?" You spend a lot of time shuffling it around and tidying it up, but rarely find need for it. You vaguely remember acquiring it, but can't remember the last time you actually used it. Well, that stuff may very well belong to your fantasy self...”

GraceTable: The Hospitality of Marriage: Loving Like It's New “When I hang his shirts next to mine in the closet, there are surf brands, the same ones he wore when he had hair bleached white by the sun and waves. When his skin was tan and his mouth tasted like wintergreeen gum and saltwater. When I spread my beach towel with my arms wide and the tradewinds swooped down and lifted the corners from my fingertips like a magic carpet and I would nestle my body in hot white sand and lift my eyes to the sea and she would offer the lip of a wave for his surfboard and I’d see the arms I loved paddling into the white and blue horizon. Love was so easy then...”

BOOKS:

Coraline and The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman - I've read one or two of Neil Gaiman's books for adults and, although I liked them, I didn't love them the way I thought I would. It's been awhile, so I don't really remember why not, but I think they were probably just a little bit dark for me. I have, however, always enjoyed a certain level of darkness in children's and YA fantasy books (Roald Dahl's books, The Wolves of Willoughby Chase, the Harry Potter series and the Lemony Snicket books, for example) and Sasha and Jordan definitely share that with me. I bought Sasha Coraline for Christmas and just finished reading it myself. I really liked it and am now reading The Graveyard Book which I'm enjoying even more.

MUSIC:

Mumford & Sons - I've loved Mumford & Sons for years. Ever since I got my first iPod (a first generation mini), I really haven't listened to albums in their entirety. My days of listening to one CD obsessively for days or weeks on end on my Discman are long gone. I generally prefer listening to my playlists on shuffle because I find I get bored easily otherwise. Mumford & Sons is one of the rare exceptions. When Sign No More first came out I listened to it over and over and over. Then I moved on and didn't really pay that much attention when Babel was released. Fast forward to last month when a friend and I were lucky enough to purchase tickets to a sold out Mumford & Sons show. Not only did the experience remind me of why I spent a huge chunk of my income in college attending as many concerts as possible, I'm also now listening to Babel and Wilder Mind on repeat.

twenty one pilots - Although I'd previously heard "Stressed Out" on the radio and loved it, it was really Jordan who first introduced me to twenty one pilots. (Does it make you old if your 13 year old son is the one introducing you to new music?) Blurryface is now on repeat in our house (and car). I love that I can listen to the whole album with my kids without having to skip any songs due to concerns about language or content that I don't want my 9 year old exposed to (or that I don't want to endorse for my teens). It's the sort of genre-bending music that I loved in late high school and college, has intelligent lyrics and enough rap that even Justin enjoys listening with us.

ART:

Surreal photography by Erik Johansson

A friend recently emailed me to say that she was impressed with how I prioritize healthy choices (eating whole foods and less sugar, being active, using natural remedies etc.) in my life and was inspired by how I live those ideals. Those are all things that she strives for as well, but feels like she's failing miserably at. One thing she said which really struck me was, "It's so easy to get caught up in the easy way out...or the 'this takes less time' approach." So true!

I have to start out by saying that I was incredibly touched by her kind words. It's such a gift to have someone recognize the efforts we make and to offer such generous and positive feedback. That's something I've recently realized I need to make a much more conscious effort to do. There are so many times that I appreciate something that someone said, did or created and I fail to let them know when all it would take is a few moments of my time.

Secondly, I feel like I'm failing to live up to my ideals pretty much every single day (I think that's why they're called "ideals" and not "reality"). I am constantly having to remind myself that no one can do everything, that no one can be perfect and that beating myself up about "failing" doesn't accomplish anything. 

The thing is, even if I'm not living up to my ideals, I have made lots of progress in making healthier choices for myself and my family. It's happened gradually over the years and my progress ebbs and flows, depending on what's going on in our lives at the time.  I know how easy it is is to get stuck in a rut of not being active, not making healthy eating choices and purchasing personal care products based on convenience rather than health concerns. But I've also come to learn that making small changes gradually can create a momentum that, over time, can add up to a pretty healthy lifestyle. And that's a much better way of trying to make positive changes in your life than attempting to do everything at once, burning out, feeling like a failure and giving up altogether.

Here are some easy ways to get started. I recommend trying one thing at a time and seeing how it works for you. If you like it, don't add something new until the first habit becomes second nature.

Keep nutritious foods on hand so that you don't have to run to the store every time you want to make a healthy meal. I buy nuts, dried beans, whole grains, natural sweeteners, tea leaves, healthy oils, etc. in bulk. I also purchase meat, frozen vegetables, frozen fruit, butter, etc. in bulk and store them in a chest freezer. We make weekly trips to a convenient grocery store for perishables like vegetables, fruit and soy milk. Whenever we're running low on something, we add it to the shopping list we keep on a dry erase board in the kitchen. If I don't have time to write a shopping list before heading out to run errands, I just take a picture of the list with my cell phone.

Plan ahead, at least a little. Try to make meal planning a regular part of your routine. If you're like me and you find the process of planning a week's or a month's worth of meals completely overwhelming, consider using some of the many meal plans available for free online. I personally try to take a good look in my fridge, freezer and pantry at least once a week and jot down a few meal ideas on a list I keep on the fridge. I also use the list to jot down staples I want to make as I think of them (like waffles, muffins, applesauce, roasted nuts, peanut butter, etc.). If I come across a recipe I want to try sometime soon, I write the recipe name and where I can find it on the list as well. I tend to plan our meals around which vegetables and protein we have on hand and what needs to be used up first. I try to rotate our carbs so we're not having wheat for every meal. We tend to cycle between whole wheat bread, whole grain pasta, tortillas, brown and/or wild rice, potatoes and oats, with other whole grains (barley, millet, rye, etc.) thrown in occasionally.

Prepare large batches of nutritious food, when possible. For some people, this means dedicating one day a month to preparing freezer meals, or one afternoon a week to doing food prep for the rest of the week. Again, I find that kind of overwhelming so I have a couple different ways of handling this. Anytime I cook a meal, I try to make enough so we have plenty of leftovers. Leftovers make great quick and easy lunches and snacks or starters for quick meals (leftover meat and vegetables can be cut up to make a quick frittata, omelette or soup, for example). I also often prepare more of one ingredient than I need at the time and save it to use later. For example, I may cook an entire pound of ground beef, only use half for that day's dinner and use the other half a few days later. Or I might cook two whole chickens, remove all the meat, use some of it right away and freeze the rest to use later. If I'm cutting up vegetables for a meal I often cut up an entire bag of carrots or celery or a large amount of onion at once. Then it's quick and easy to grab vegetables for a snack or throw some diced onion on a salad or into another dish I'm cooking some other time. On the afternoons or evenings I have a little extra time, I may take time before, during or after making dinner to make a big batch of something else, like granola, waffles (which we freeze for quick breakfasts), muffins, hard boiled eggs, roasted nuts or roasted vegetables.

Prioritize vegetables. Try to eat five servings of vegetables everyday. Like I said, I tend to plan my meals around the vegetables I have on hand. I also try to include vegetables in every meal and snack I eat. Although I'm not a huge fan of vegetables with breakfast, I do enjoy omelettes, egg scrambles and green smoothies so that helps. We eat lots of salads, soups, stir-frys, wraps, and casseroles with plenty of vegetables. I add extra vegetables when I make things like spaghetti, stroganoff, or macaroni and cheese. We often even add extra vegetables to frozen pizzas for a slightly more nutritious convenience meal. You could also try eating dips and spreads with vegetables instead of chips or crackers.

Keep nutritious convenience food options on hand. Meals don't all have to be complicated or time consuming to prepare. We try to keep whole grain bread, tortillas, deli meat, cooked beans, canned tuna, peanut butter, cheese, eggs, oats, vegetables that taste good raw and fruit on hand. Sandwiches, wraps, tortilla pizzas, chef salads, bean burritos, scrambled eggs, oatmeal and French toast with sides of fresh fruit and/or vegetables all make great healthy convenience meals.

Set a ridiculously achievable activity goal for yourself. My current goal is to do something active for at least 5 minutes every day. I have to walk our dog every day that the kids have school, so I blow this goal out of the water most days. Some days I even go for an extra walk with a friend or do yoga or strength training by myself or with Justin. I sometimes struggle to remember to make time to be active on busy weekend days, but if I haven't managed to fit anything in by the time I'm ready to wind down for the night, it's not that hard to convince myself that I can manage 5 minutes of yoga or weight lifting while watching TV before bed. Another way to set about this would be to pick one exercise to start with - say sit ups. Start by doing one sit up every day. After a week, add a second sit up. Keep adding sit ups until you can do a bunch at once. Then add another exercise to your routine.

Make being active convenient. I keep my yoga mat in the living room so I can pull it out easily whenever I want to use it. Our dumbbells are stored in a closet right next to where we lift weights. My running shoes are in the garage so I can put them on as I head out the door. I've created a You Tube playlist of yoga videos I enjoy so I can easily pull up a video whenever and wherever it works for me. 

Create accountability for yourself. Find a friend or family member to check in with everyday or join an online accountability group. I keep a chart of the habits I'm working on creating in a place where I see it everyday (and where Justin can see it too). It's a good reminder and just knowing that he might notice whether or not I'm following through is a good incentive for me too. Also, I love checking off the things I've accomplished! 

Make being active fun. I'm not a fan of exercising for the sake of exercising, especially by myself. I've got several friends and family members that I often invite to walk with me. Talking to a friend makes long walks so much more enjoyable. We try to do fun active things as a family too like hikes, bike rides and kickball games with the neighbors. I'm working on saying "yes" to the kids more when they ask me to play with them - whether it's tag, four square or the obstacle course at a local beach. 

Make being active part of your routine. Maybe you do an exercise video three mornings a week before work, do yoga every night before bed or do five squats every time you go to the bathroom. I walk my dog most mornings, try to park at the back of the parking lot whenever the weather isn't miserable and set a timer to remind me to get up out of my chair every hour during my workday and do something active for a few minutes, whether it's hanging a load of laundry or doing a few yoga poses.

Swap out one product at a time. When it's time to replace something you currently use, try replacing it with a healthier option. Maybe you swap your regular spaghetti noodles for whole grain noodles, your laundry detergent for soap nuts, your all purpose cleaner for vinegar and water or your sunscreen for a more natural option.

Investigate one health issue at a time, in advance. Don't wait until you're in crisis mode to try find natural remedies for problems you deal with on a recurring basis. Make a list of issues that tend to crop up for your family and pick one to research. I've found that coconut oil, WiseWays Herbals' All Heal Salve, The Honest Co.'s Organic Healing Balm, showers after playing outside and oatmeal baths work wonders for my son's spring and summer eczema breakouts. WiseWays Herbals' All Heal Salve also is amazing for cuts, scrapes and burns while their White Pine Salve draws out splinters and drys up zits. A few drops of lemon juice in my kids' ears stops ear infections in their tracks, chewable magnesium helps my husband's leg cramps and raspberry leaf tea is a wonderful remedy for menstrual cramps.

Find a good resource, and use it. The Environmental Working Group has a number of helpful consumer guides and apps including their Skin Deep Database which rates cosmetics and personal care products for toxicity, their Dirty Dozen and Clean 15 guides which rank produce based on pesticide residue levels, a seafood guide, a sunscreen guide and a healthy cleaning guide. I love Mark Bittman's How To Cook Everything cookbook for basic real food recipes, FAIRSHARE's From Asparagus to Zucchini cookbook for great ideas for using less conventional vegetables and 100 Days of Real Food and Eating From the Ground Up (websites and cookbooks) for great real food recipes. A few of the many other books I love include Smart Medicine for Healthier Living, Gentle Healing for Baby and Child and The Urban Homestead. 

In writing this, I've come to realize how much knowledge and how many skills I've amassed over years and years of trying to make healthy choices. Even though I often don't make the best decisions, choose the best products or follow through on my goals, I think it's important to recognize and appreciate how far I've come from where I started and for everyone else to do the same. So remember, start small, do what works for you, celebrate your wins, don't beat yourself up or give up when you feel like you're failing to achieve your purpose and let one positive change lead to another without pushing yourself to change everything all at once.

As the oldest of nine kids, I can't really imagine how it feels to be the youngest but I'm guessing it's hard to fully come into your own as an adult when you're surrounded by people who think of you as the babiest baby of the family. Micah's always been very much himself and he's certainly grown up into a wonderful and independent young man but I imagine living over a thousand miles away from most of his family will prove a truly defining experience in his life.

I am, however, incredibly thankful that he'll have some family nearby. He'll be living in the same city as my sister Naomi, who set off on her own journey years ago. As the most middle of all our family's middle children, she knows a thing or two about getting away to find yourself. Over and over she's proven herself to be strong, fearless and independent, but I'm guessing she won't really mind having her younger brother around for awhile. 

Both Naomi and Micah thrive in wide open spaces and rugged conditions. They love to be outside, surrounded by the glories of the natural world, fishing, hiking, climbing, camping, whatever. When Micah went to visit Naomi this winter, none of us were surprised when he announced (almost immediately upon arriving home) that he would soon be heading back out to Montana on a more permanent basis.

I wish him all the best and I'm comforted that he and Naomi will be able to be there for one another. I hope she's prepared to make fun of him as much as we all do so that he won't be too homesick! I know we will all miss him terribly, as we do Naomi and our brother Seth, who lives in California. With eight siblings you would think it wouldn't be that noticeable when one or three of us are missing, but we all feel those empty spaces.

Our family get-togethers are usually noisy, crowded and chaotic but there almost always comes a point when one of us says disconsolately to another, "I miss Naomi and Seth," everyone in earshot quietly agrees, and we stand around unhappily for a bit before discussing the last time we saw them or dreaming up plans to go visit. Now we've got another sibling to add to the  "I miss..." list.

I think the last time we were all in the same place at the same time was about four years ago. Hopefully we can manage that epic feat again soon. It almost happened this March, when we celebrated Micah's 21st birthday, but unfortunately, Naomi wasn't able to get the time away from work to join us. We managed to throw a pretty decent party anyway though. Here's some pictures of our celebration of the fact that Micah can finally join the rest of us when we go out.

Every  once in a while we get into a small "discussion" over who has more responsibilities and how they should be divided (usually when I'm feeling particularly overwhelmed and/or annoyed that something he said he would do isn't getting done as quickly as I would like it to) but for the most part we just carry on doing the things the way we've always done them.

When the kids were babies we did have an agreement that if we were both home, we took turns changing diapers (which often turned into a heated debate over who's turn it was). He's generally in charge of fixing, maintaining and cleaning our vehicles because he knows a lot more about how they work than I do and he cares more about how they look. I'm a lot pickier about what we eat (and I've always been home more) so I plan and prepare most of our meals. He's much more detail oriented than I am (and probably doesn't hate cleaning as much as I do) so he generally does the more nit-picky cleaning tasks (like dusting, vacuuming and cleaning the fridge, windows and woodwork).

One chore, however, I basically blackmailed him into doing. I really really dislike cleaning bathrooms. I mean really, dirty toilets are so gross. When we'd been married a couple of years I told him that I'd really never intended to marry anyone who wouldn't be in charge of cleaning the bathrooms. I begged, pleaded, whined, pestered and eventually offered to always do all the laundry if he would always clean all the bathrooms. I think he gave in just so I would leave him alone and that's been our system ever since. (Magically this also extends to him cleaning all clogged drains, an even more revolting task than cleaning toilets - win!)

Of course there are occasionally times when he'll do a load of laundry or I'll clean a bathroom (usually if someone's coming over, the bathroom's a mess and he's not here to do it). And sometimes we're so busy that he doesn't get around to cleaning our bathroom for awhile and it starts to bug me. I know better than to harass him about it, and I used to just go and clean it myself if it really annoyed me (which is the grown-up thing to do), but now I've found a better way. Anytime I think our bathroom really needs to be cleaned, I wash our bath mats and hold them hostage. He knows I won't put clean bath mats back into a dirty bathroom and so, magically, without me having to say anything or, more importantly, actually clean any toilets, the bathroom usually gets cleaned fairly quickly. And that's a win for everyone!

Yesterday was the first day since I gave birth to my son thirteen years ago (hello post-baby belly)  that I looked in the mirror and thought, "Huh, maybe I could wear a bikini in public again someday, if I wanted to." Now I probably never WILL wear a bikini again, not being that much of a bikini person to begin with ( I like to actually swim when I go to the beach and I don't like to be constantly adjusting my swimsuit so that nothing shows that shouldn't), but it would be nice to feel like I have the option. 

So what brought this on? Have I achieved some great pinnacle of fitness success? Not so much. Have I had plastic surgery? Absolutely not. Have I suddenly discovered the key to true self confidence and no longer care what I look like or what other people think about me? Not really, but maybe a little bit. I think it really boils down to one thing:

I stopped worrying about perfection. I'm not focusing on trying to look perfect, I'm not focusing on finding and following the perfect workout plan and I'm not focusing on following some mythical perfect eating plan (yeah, I don't do "diets").

A funny thing happened when I gave up on being perfect - I started making progress. Instead of spending all kinds of time trying to figure out what kind of workout I should be doing to achieve the best results and coming up with regimented schedules I could never manage to stick to, I started spending some of my free time actually being active, one way or another, whenever I could fit it in. Instead of spending my limited emotional energy beating myself up for not following through on my carefully constructed plans, schedules and goals, I decided to give myself some grace and simplify my expectations.

Right now, my plan looks like this:

1. Aim to be active every day, for at least 5 minutes. This usually consists of a 30-45 minute walk with the dog or 10-30 minutes of yoga, Pilates and/or body weight exercises. Justin and I are trying to do some weight lifting together too, but so far this hasn't happened very consistently. When the weather is nicer out, it might involve swimming, doing an obstacle course or riding my bike. Who cares, as long as I'm moving. And sure, 5 minutes doesn't seem like very much time, but that's kind of the point. It seems ridiculous to tell myself I can't manage just 5 minutes of activity, and once I get started I almost always keep going much longer than 5 minutes. 

2. If I meet my goal every day for a month, I'm giving myself some kind of prize. I just haven't quite decided what yet. One way or another I think it will involve spending a little bit more money on clothing for myself than I normally do (I'm trying to transition my wardrobe to clothes I truly enjoy wearing, rather than clothes I  just tolerate because I have to wear something).

3. I'm keeping track of my efforts. I printed off a blank calendar for this month and taped it up in my bedroom. Every couple of days I manage to remember to log my activity for the past few days. If I miss a few days because I'm really sick, or there's some kind of emergency that takes an inordinate amount of time or energy or I have some kind of emotional meltdown (February 4th, I'm looking at you!), guess what? I still get my prize because, well...grace.

4. Eat mostly healthy food and stop eating when I'm full. To me, "healthy food" means food made with ingredients found in nature (vegetables, fruits, nuts, seeds, whole grains, meat) that aren't too highly processed, without a bunch of additives. I'm trying to eat more vegetables, cut back on carbohydrates a bit and really minimize added sugar. I prefer, whenever possible, to eat food grown without the use of synthetic fertilizers and pesticides and meat raised humanely without added hormones and the routine use of antibiotics. This may sound like a lot to focus on, but it's how I've tried to eat for years, so it's not really asking a lot of myself. I still eat things that are not particularly nourishing (chips, candy, frozen pizza etc. ) on a fairly regular basis and while I'm not trying to give those things up altogether, I'm working to gradually crowd them out with healthier options.

Although I still care what I look like (more than I would like to), I'm not doing any of this stuff with the goal of changing my appearance. I want to feel good, to stay healthy, to have energy, to be flexible and strong, to feel calm. It's funny what taking care of yourself, simply for the sake of taking care of yourself, can do. I may  or may not look different now than I did a month ago or even a year ago, but I feel different about myself - more hopeful, more confident, more accepting.

What can I say about this novel? I came across it while browsing the "new book" shelves at the library. I think I picked it up because the bright orange cover caught my eye, it's not too big (good for carrying around and for holding in one hand while I eat) and the title intrigued me. I read the back cover and debated putting it back. I wasn't in the mood to read a book about the struggles of two sisters after one of them attempts suicide. But after a moment's reflection, I decided to give it a try.

As one of seven sisters, I was interested in the relationship between Elf and Yoli, which is described as "fiercely close". The dichotomy between their adult lives was intriguing; Elf is a happily married world-renowned pianist while Yoli is a struggling twice-divorced mother of two. And yet, it's Elf who feels the overwhelming desire to end her own life. Of course, if I'm being honest, my decision to read this novel comes down to two things: one, there is a protagonist named Elf (anything that reminds me of elves, faeries and magic makes me happy) and two, the sisters were raised in a Mennonite household (I'm enthralled by certain subcultures - the Amish, Mennonites, polygamists and gypsies to name a few).

This book made me cry but it also made me laugh. Parts of it were luminous and parts made me want to scrub myself clean. I'm not the kind of person who enjoys sifting through layers of words to find the meaning in what I read. I find it pretentious and annoying and quite simply, I lack the patience. The writing of this novel does rely heavily on the kinds of literature I can't stand to read but often still find beautiful on the surface, because Elf clearly has a much more deeply philosophical mind than I do. And yet, the overall style of Toews' writing is refreshingly straightforward, sometimes to the point of abruptness. More than anything, I would have to say that this book is real in all its beauty and grime, complexity and directness, humor and heartache.

I learned less about the Mennonite lifestyle than I was hoping for, would probably never re-read this book and might not ever read anything else Toews has written, yet I'm deeply glad that I read All My Puny Sorrows and I highly recommend it.

The older kids weren't thrilled to start school again, but I didn't hear too much complaining and Sasha couldn't wait to go back. Although I love having the kids around I can't say I mind the quiet during the day when they're in school either. So I guess I'll just have to accept the fact that we've got an 8th grader, a 7th grader and a 3rd grader!!!

This past Saturday I participated in the Dirty Girl Mud Run for the third year in a row. For those of you who aren't familiar, it's 5K with obstacles, most of which involve mud. The first year I did it I was so nervous. A good friend talked me into it, against my better judgement. I don't run, I generally don't like mud and I wasn't too sure how I felt about obstacles. Turns out it was an absolute blast!

I'm really not a fan of exercising for the sake of exercising, but exercising for the sake of fun is a whole different ball game. The Dirty Girl made me feel like a kid again, which is funny because I don't think I would have actually enjoyed it as a kid. Pretty sure I would have much rather curled up under a tree with a book and a snack.

Anyway, we jogged a little, walked a lot, bounced up and down inflatable obstacles, crawled through mud, waded through chest deep muddy water, climbed over and through a variety of obstacles, talked and laughed. When it was over I felt strong, confident, completely filthy and ready to do it again.

This year was a little different. One of our team members twisted an ankle early on due to some crazy ruts on the course and had to spend most of the morning in the first aid tent. We had some pretty serious stuff to discuss, so there was a less laughing and more intense conversation. And there were a few new obstacles: a (very short) leap over (very low) flames and a slide down a fireman's pole at the end. I managed to avoid any danger of landing face first in the flames by jumping over the  very end of the obstacle where there was no wood and thus no flames.  I almost chickened out on the fireman's pole and climbed down a ladder instead, but after a little encouragement I managed to make it safely down the pole.

By far the worse part of the Dirty Girl last year was waiting in line to rinse off. This year we wisely brought jugs of water and rinsed off in the parking lot. It wasn't easy nor was it super-effective, but we managed to scrape off enough mud to ride home without getting our cars filthy. Here I am post rinse off. Yeah, I missed just a bit of mud on my face...Can't wait for next year though!

Grandma Ingrid was a storyteller. She told stories to teach life lessons, pass on family history and entertain. When we were children, she sang us songs and taught us poems. There was one called "The North Wind Doth Blow" about a robin and another one about a pelican. Grandma loved animals, usually had several pets, and used to feed the birds every morning. For many years Grandma wrote letters filled with stories about her daily life, stories from her childhood, thoughts about current events and the weather, and sometimes jokes or quotes. She'd make copies of the letters and send them to family and friends.

Here's Grandma feeding me an orange after my mom specifically asked her not to, which is about par for the course. Apparently citrus did not agree with me as an infant, and I screamed for most of the night. I don't remember this, but I do have wonderful memories of breakfast at Grandma's house - silver dollar pancakes, grapefruit with sugar on top, and sometimes a little bit of milky coffee. Grandma loved feeding people and she made food a big part of our family traditions. She made kransekake (Swedish wedding cake) for us on our birthdays, gave us clementines and homemade raisin bread every Christmas and had us over to make Easter basket cupcakes and dozens of dyed eggs every Easter. Once when she was babysitting us around Christmas time she let us help her make the raisin bread and then spread flour all over the kitchen floor and "ice skate" in it.

This picture was taken "up north" at the cabins my great grandpa bought and passed on to my grandpa and grandma. The only vacations I remember taking before I started high school were to the cabins and our time there was some of the happiest of my childhood. Grandma always slept in the Creek Cabin and we could hear her snoring from the Main Cabin. The cabins were so special to her.

Grandma really valued education. She helped pay for my semester abroad and was so proud and happy when I graduated from college.

For me, this is the iconic picture of Grandma. She loved her luggable loo!

Grandma also loved to play cards. She taught me to play Kings in the Corners and at least 3 kinds of rummy. Visits to Grandma as I got older always included cards.

Grandma Holding Sasha

 Grandma never shied away from festive hats. :)

Jordan had another great game as well. Only two more games to go for his fall soccer season and then it's on to basketball. After soccer it was home for lunch, a quick clean up, and a quick cat nap for me. Then the kids and I got out the Halloween decorations, woke Justin up from his nap and we all drove up the road to pick out some pumpkins. The "you have to be able to carry the pumpkin you pick" rule was strictly enforced and we drove home to do some carving. Justin helped the kids with that while I cooked supper - roast beef, baked potatoes and stir fried vegetables. Yummy!

After supper I finished sorting out pumpkin seeds from pumpkin pulp and roasted them while the kids cleaned their messes, took showers and did homework. Then we lit the jack o' lanterns and started a game of Sorry.

In summary, this morning I was CRABBY. Tonight we have jack o' lanterns on the front step, Halloween decorations in the (relatively clean) living room, a yummy roasted pumpkin seed smell in the air (and an entire quart of roasted pumpkin seeds in the pantry), a half finished game of Sorry on the basement table and clean kids sleeping peacefully in their beds. And I am HAPPY!

Your Daughter Is A Rock Star!

Hannah - I forgot to mention this to you when you were in our room today. I told Sasha I would email or call you both to let you know that she did a great job working on kidblog today. I took my whole class to the computer lab today to write about their favorite fall activities. Sasha ended up being my hero. She listened well to directions because getting to kid blog and logging on can be tough. She also started walking around and helping everyone who needed help. She did it in such a nice way and was really patient with everyone (when I was about ready to pull my hair out lol.)

I pulled her aside afterwards and told her I just had to tell you both about how I appreciate her leadership in our classroom. She is an awesome kid! :)

Totally made my day. I love Jordan and Sasha's schools. They have such amazing teachers - fun, funny, creative and positive. I love that the kids are doing so well in school; it sure makes life a lot easier for me, and more enjoyable for them. And most of all, I love, love, love that Karlye, Jordan and Sasha love to learn. I hope and pray they retain that quality throughout their lives. It truly is a wonderful gift.

For us this is a month of both joy and sorrow. Tomorrow we will celebrate Karlye's 12th birthday, but today we pause to remember little Hailey who left us for heaven on this day four years ago. We pray for her parents, my sister Miriam and brother-in-law Eric, and for all who love and miss her. On September 11th  we commemorated the great losses our country suffered twelve years ago and we also celebrated my sister Lydia's birthday. Lydia happens to share a birthday with Jean, the mother of one of my closest friends, who I have known for over half of my life. Four days ago, on September 19th, Jean entered her heavenly home. She was one of the most welcoming people I've ever met. Her love for, and dedication to her family was amazing. I know her passing has left a hole in many lives that can never be filled on this earth. We keep all of her family and friends in our prayers as well.

 And so we say goodbye to summer, hello to fall. Goodbye to carefree days, late nights and sleeping in. Hello to schedules and routine. Goodbye to swimsuits, shorts and tank tops. Hello to jeans, jackets and backpacks. And to those we love and miss, we will remember you, until we meet again.

Jordan and Karlye got their first locker shelves and other assorted locker paraphernalia and got to arrange their lockers for the first time.

Charlie had his first doggy play date with our friends' miniature pinscher Pagoda and lived to tell the tale. (He's normally terrified of small dogs.)

And I did my first mud run! (Hopefully the first of many.) It was an absolute blast! For those of you who don't know, the fact that I paid money for an exercise related event, especially one that involved getting absolutely filthy, is totally amazing and completely unprecedented. Thank you Kerry for talking me into it! Here I am in all my muddy glory.