Peace  lies  in  being  emotionally  independent …..

“To be alone in the only real revolution.

To accept that you are alone is the greatest

transformation that can happen to you.”

Source: Osho

Sorry  this  is  in  Urdu / Hindi  but  beautiful  couplet  by  a  lover  who  compares  his  funeral  with  the  marriage  of  his  beloved ….

(Please use the Translator on the sidebar to read it in your language)

Marriage  Vs  Funeral

Farq Sirf Itna Sa Tha

Teri doli uthi,
Meri mayyat uthi,
Phool tujh par bhi barse,
Phool mujh par bhi barse,
FARQ SIRF ITNA SA THA
Tu saj gayi,
Mujhe sajaya gaya .

Tu bhi ghar ko chali,
Main bi ghar ko chala,
FARQ SIRF ITNA SA THA
Tu uth ke gayi,
Mujhe uthaya gaya .

Mehfil wahan bhi thi,
Log yahan bhi the,
FARQ SIRF ITNA SA THA
Unka hasna wahan,
Inka rona yahan.

Qazi udhar bhi tha, Molvi idhar bhi tha,
Do bol tere pade, Do bol mere pade,
Tera nikah pada, Mera janaaza pada,
FARQ SIRF ITNA SA THA
Tujhe apnaya gaya ,
Mujhe dafnaya gaya.

sorry  for  missing  the  friday deadline  -  none  the  less  a  write  up  on  worlds  three most  powerful  words ” I  am  Sorry ” . Apoligising  doesnt make  you  smaller – it  makes  the  other  person  feel  better .

DO  pass  on  and  needless  to  say  your  writing  back  encourages  us .

I Want You to Apologize

By Peter Bregman, Harvard Business Publishing, April 7, 2009

I was backing out of a space in a mall parking lot in New Jersey when, out of the corner of my eye, I saw movement and instinctively slammed on my brakes. Another car sped by, missing me by inches.

I was instantly furious. I pulled out fast to chase the other car, leaning on my horn and flashing my lights. Finally, the car stopped and I pulled up right behind him, still honking. We both got out of our cars.

“What the hell were you thinking? You almost hit me!” I screamed.

“I didn’t see you!” he yelled back.

“Of course you didn’t. You were driving way too fast!”

We yelled at each other for a few seconds and then he opened his arms wide and shouted:

“What do you want from me?”

An awkward silence hung between us for a moment. That was actually a great question. What did I want from him?

I knew he shouldn’t have been driving recklessly and I was angry enough to drive recklessly behind him to tell him. What I really wanted was impossible; I wanted him not to have done what he did. Well, too late.

So what did I want now? Why was I screaming at him? The brief pause calmed us both down a little.

“I want you to apologize,” I told him.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“Thanks,” I said feeling strangely better, and we both got back into our cars and drove off without another word.

We have big problems in this country. Wall Street played recklessly with our money. Banks made bad loans. Insurance companies guaranteed stupid risks. People took out unrealistic mortgages and borrowed too much to buy things they couldn’t afford. Companies are going out of business and laying off workers. And, the government is bailing people out and billing our kids.

It would be easy (and tempting) to go on. But we have one more, deeper problem that’s making all these other problems worse.

No one is apologizing. No one is taking responsibility for what they did to contribute to our problems. They’re all blaming someone or something else. We have a kindergartener’s problem and it’s tearing us apart.

A friend of mine, Paul Rosenfield, was skiing with his six-year-old son Yonah when Yonah fell. It was not a terrible fall, but the binding didn’t release and Yonah broke his leg. After an emotionally wrenching day spent in the emergency room tending to his child, Paul went to the shop to return the skis and speak with the owner.

The owner of the shop immediately became defensive. He claimed the bindings were set within the normal acceptable range for Yonah’s 40-pound weight (in fact one reading showed the binding set above 60 pounds). He claimed he used a special machine to calibrate the setting, a machine that had been used in several court cases. And he initially resisted Paul’s request to see the printout from the machine’s test.

Paul went into the shop to have a conversation and he left angry enough to sue.

I asked him what the shop owner could have said that would have given him a different feeling.

“If he had been more concerned with the injury than protecting himself, if he had apologized, if he hadn’t tried to cover over the fact that the bindings were too tight, if he hadn’t given me a hard time about asking for a copy of the measurement printout, if he hadn’t mentioned how many times his machine was used in lawsuits, then I would have left feeling less angry.”

We try so hard to protect ourselves from lawsuits that we bring on lawsuits. We forget that we are human beings dealing with other human beings. And what human beings want more than anything is empathy — to be cared for and treated with respect.

By avoiding responsibility, empathy, and apology, the shop owner became a target for all of Paul’s anger about the accident.

In a study of medical malpractice lawsuits, the top five reasons people gave for initiating the lawsuit were:

1.     So that it would not happen to anyone else

2.    I wanted an explanation

3.    I wanted the doctors to realize what they had done

4.    To get an admission of negligence

5.    So that the doctor would know how I felt

And the number one thing the doctor or hospital could have done to prevent the lawsuit? An explanation and apology.

When the University of Michigan Health System experimented with full disclosure, existing claims and lawsuits dropped from 262 in 2001 to 83 in 2007.

Apologies work. Real, heartfelt empathy between one person and another diffuses anger and builds relationships. Defensiveness and resistance to admit mistakes creates anger.

Whatever you think about President Bush, admitting mistakes was not his strong point. If you don’t admit mistakes, you can’t apologize for them. And if you don’t apologize for them, you will generate anger and fighting.

President Obama has shown his ability to apologize for his own mistakes. One of his earliest apologies was during his campaign when he apologized to reporter Peggy Agar for calling her “Sweetie.” Most recently he apologized for his joke in poor taste about the Special Olympics on the Jay Leno show.

And now he’s apologizing for America’s arrogance towards Europe in the past few years. He apologized for being “dismissive, even derisive” towards our allies. For failing “to appreciate Europe’s leading role in the world.”

And while he chastised Turkey for not coming to terms with their treatment of the Armenians, he admitted “our country still struggles with the legacy of our past treatment of Native Americans.” And he reinforced our commitment to do better: “we recently ordered the prison at Guantanamo Bay closed, and prohibited — without exception or equivocation — any use of torture.”

President Obama is being criticized by some for apologizing. Because, they say, apologizing will reduce America’s standing in the world. I couldn’t disagree more. The world needs less anger and more apologies. And President Obama is a great example, a role model, for how we can diffuse anger and repair relationships.

Apologizing is a humane gesture, a way to treat others with respect. And, not for nothing, it might just keep us out of a fight.

we  all  run  away  from  suffering  ,  little  realising that  it  can  be  and  it  is  our  biggest  teacher ,  it  teaches  us  how  to  live ….

Suffering  is  an  intrinsic  part of this  mosaic  called  life  ,  dont  run  away  from  it  ,  use  it  as a  teacher ….

You desire to know the art of living, my friend? It is contained in one phrase: make use of suffering.

Henri Frederic Amiel, philosopher and writer (1821-1881)

Be  it  our  kids  ,  partners  ,  friends   one  constant  behavior  that  we  exhibit  , is  that  of  improving  them -  but  does  critisizing  improve  or  dis aligns – please  think  about  it  ….
Love  and  appreciation  changes  all  -  the  most  effective  way  is  always  the  most  difficult
we  stopped  missing three  people  yesterday  – they  replied …

Needing Approval More Than Advice

No matter what Gary did, it was never enough to please his father. When he got seven A’s and three B’s, his dad asked about the B’s. When he described the wonderful girl he’d fallen in love with, he got a lecture cautioning that she may be different than he thought.

Gary’s dad was stunned and hurt when Gary took a job in another town. He tried to talk him out of it, explaining the advantages of being close to the family and the pitfalls of moving. Finally, Gary exploded, “Dad, I’m moving to get away from you! I love you, but I can’t stand the way you tear down everything I do.”

He braced himself for a counterattack, but for the first time in his life he saw his dad’s mask of confidence dissolve into vulnerability. With tears in his eyes, his dad stammered, “All I ever wanted was to make you better and help you reach your potential and avoid risks. It’s what I do. It’s why my business is so successful. Do you want me to ignore my experience and just be a cheerleader?”

“Dad, our relationship isn’t about productivity,” Gary explained. “You’re my dad. Sometimes I need praise more than a push, and approval more than advice. Constantly trying to make me better just makes me feel worse. It’s not enough that you love me. I need you to appreciate me.”

That’s an important lesson. In personal relationships, there may be benefits to the relentless pursuit of better, but the cost may be too high.

Everything in life is temporary.
Darkness of the night; or a bright day.
Even sunrise is temporary; so is sunset.

So if things are going good, enjoy it because it won’t last forever. And if things are going bad, don’t worry.
Because it won’t last forever either.

Everything passes by

Succeed in believing that you will not fail.
Use diligence and determination to set your sail.

When the weather is stormy and the waters are rough,
In the moment of peril the strong get tough.

Whenever life presses you down a bit.
Stand up and shout, “I will not quit!”

some  lovely  Lines

“The perfectionist is bound to be a

neurotic, he cannot enjoy life, until he

is perfect. And perfection as such never

happens, it is not in the nature of things. Totality

is possible, perfection is not possible.”

Source: Osho

A successful business man was growing old and knew it was time to choose a successor to take over the business.
Instead of choosing one of his Directors or his children, he decided to do something different. He called all the young
executives in his company together.

He said, “It is time for me to step down and choose the next CEO. I have decided to choose one of you. “The young executives were Shocked, but the boss continued. “I am going to give each one of you a SEED today – one very special SEED. I want you to plant the seed, water it, and come back here one year from today with what you have grown from the seed I have given you. I will then judge the plants that you bring, and the one I choose will be the next CEO.”

One man, named Jim, was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed. He went home and excitedly, told his wife the story. She helped him get a pot, soil and compost and he planted the seed. Everyday, he would water it and watch to see if it had grown. After about three weeks, some of the other executives began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow.

Jim kept checking his seed, but nothing ever grew. Three weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by, still nothing. By now, others were talking about their plants, but Jim didn’t have a plant and he felt like a failure.
Six months went by — still nothing in Jim’s pot. He just knew he had killed his seed. Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing. Jim didn’t say anything to his colleagues, however. He just kept watering and fertilizing the soil – He so wanted the seed to grow.

A year finally went by and all the young executives of the company brought their plants to the CEO for inspection. Jim told his wife that he wasn’t going to take an empty pot.
But she asked him to be honest about what happened. Jim felt sick to his stomach, it was going to be the most embarrassing moment of his life, but he knew his wife was right. He took his empty pot to the board room. When Jim arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by the other executives. They were beautiful –
in all shapes and sizes. Jim put his empty pot on the floor and many of his colleagues laughed, a few felt sorry for him!

When the CEO arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted his young executives.

Jim just tried to hide in the back. “My, what great plants, trees, and flowers you have grown,” said the CEO. “Today one of you will be appointed the next CEO!”

All of a sudden, the CEO spotted Jim at the back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered the Financial Director to bring him to the front. Jim was terrified. He thought, “The CEO knows I’m a failure! Maybe he will have me fired!”

When Jim got to the front, the CEO asked him what had happened to his seed – Jim told him the story.

The CEO asked everyone to sit down except Jim. He looked at Jim, and then announced to the young executives, “Behold your next Chief Executive Officer!

His name is Jim!” Jim couldn’t believe it. Jim couldn’t even grow his seed.

“How could he be the new CEO?” the others said.

Then the CEO said, “One year ago today, I gave everyone in this room a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds; they were dead – it was not possible for them to grow.

All of you, except Jim, have brought me trees and plants and flowers. When you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. Jim was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it. Therefore, he is the one who will be the new Chief Executive Officer!”

* If you plant honesty, you will reap trust

* If you plant faith in God , you will reap a harvest

be careful what you plant now; it will determine what you reap later.

A  lovely  paragraph  on  why  do  we  run  after  love  , money , power -  the  reason  is  only  one …

Read  on  to  find  out :

This has been said again and again, down through the ages. All the religious people have been saying this: “We come alone into this world, we go alone.” All togetherness is illusory. The very idea of togetherness arises because we are alone, and the aloneness hurts. We want to drown our aloneness in relationship….

Thats why we become so much involved in love. Try to see the point. Ordinarily you think you have fallen in love with a woman or with a man because she is beautiful, he is beautiful. That is not the truth. The truth is just the opposite: you have fallen in love because you cannot be alone. You were going to fall. You were going to avoid yourself somehow or other.

And there are people who dont fall in love with women or men–then they fall in love with money. They start moving into money or into a power trip, they become politicians. That too is avoiding your aloneness. If you watch man, if you watch yourself deeply, you will be surprised–all your activities can be reduced to one single source.

The source is that you are afraid of your aloneness. Everything else is just an excuse. The real cause is that you find yourself very alone