I admit, I am outspoken person, that means talking comes easy and listening is harder. If we want to be a better friend, a better spouse, a better leader, listening skill is equally important skill to master for all of us. All too often we are far more enthusiastic about talking than we are listening.  Yet it is so vital if we are to communicate effectively.  Most break downs in relationships are caused because people talk at each other without really making contact.  Unless someone hears what has been said including the subtext the words have little value.

One of the biggest problem I have during listening is when person is talking, I am already thinking of counter sentence or reply to what the person is saying without really focusing on 100% listening. I hear but I do not listen properly. One time, I promise Zenguy that I will completely listen to him, without interrupting and counter outwitting him. I came to realize I am was bad at listening part. Since then I have decided to search on how to be a better listener. While I am improving, I still have ways to go. Here are some key point that I have learned which may help you as well having a better relationship with your spouse, kids, co-workers and friends.

Why Listening is Best for Relation Building:

1. When we are actively listened to we feel valued and are far more likely to engage in negotiation and compromise.
2. Listening is about far more than words.  Watching facial expression and body language is often a far more accurate barometer than the words that are being used.
3. Nice things being said where the smile doesn’t reach the eyes is an obvious example.
4. To be an effective listener it is vital that you listen actively.

How to Be An Effective Listener: 8 ways to becoming a more effective listener:

While, there are many ways to be a best listener, here are top 10 key points that will make a you a better person, a better leader, a better spouse and a better parent or friend just simply by listening and giving importance to other person’s point of view. After all, we all want to be appreciated for what we are, what we say and do.

1. The main thing when you listen is to make an eye contact during listening to the person so he or she knows you are focusing on what he or she has to say.
2. Read the body language of the talker.  Are they relaxed, anxious, angry? Extremes are easy to recognize but often the message is much more subtle. Try to also focus on your body language to keep it neutral, specially if conversation is opposite of your view point. Mirror the talker’s body language- subtly, a gentle dance rather than a caricature.
3. Show that you are listening, make a nod, make appropriate responses as required truly.
4. If possible, Ask relevant questions, ask them to clarify if you are not clear about their meaning, when they finished talking the sentence. Wait until they take a break, try not to interrupt in middle of the sentence. Summarize: so what you are saying is……….so they know what you understood is correct or not.
5. Use open ended questions, the who, what, where, when to make sense of it all. (if there is a confusion)
6. Be careful of the tone of your voice when you respond or ask questions.  It is all to easy to come across as judgmental and hostile. That would defeat the purpose of a good listener, right?
7. Use empathy. Acknowledge difficulties, but be careful not to fall into the trap of going into anecdotes from your experience.  “ I sense that you are finding this rather difficult” rather than “Oh I know, it happened to me but mine was bigger, more difficult etc” Try  not to relay your own experience and give them solution. Many times, people do not want solutions, they just want to be heard.
8. Take a real interest, if you are simply going through the motions the lack of sincerity will be obvious to others.  Leave your problems, worries and ego behind when listening to other person. I sometimes find myself thinking of what to make for dinner or pay bills, that will not be obvious to person talking and not make things better. Leave other things behind for little while.

Summary:

Keep practicing, if you do not succeed first time, try again and again. It will become easier. Practice with your best friend, spouse or your mom. When someone truly listens to you, without any judgement or interruptions, you will end up feeling so fulfilled and know how great it feels to be listened to and be understood. After that you want to make other people feel that way as well, it is contiguous.

image source: soulsistasheart.blogspot.com

How To Be An Effective Listener is a post from: Heart and Mind

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Like many people now, we have been using digital camera for taking pictures. After buying a few expensive ones and few cheap ones, I decided that there has to be a proper way to buy a right digital camera for us that works perfectly for what we need, is not too expensive and durable for family with kids.  I am not the expert photographer but love taking pictures, so I looked online and asked family and friends who have more knowledge compared to me and combined whole research that worked for us.

While I found what worked for us, I thought many people might in similar predicament so I am sharing my digital camera research in general way that will suit and fit most people looking to buy a right digital camera for you and your family.

First of all let me tell you why I like digital camera over 35mm film cameras;

Reasons Why I like To use Digital Camera:

1. You can view images right away. Too many times we have asked someone to take our family picture, not knowing if it came out fine when we used 35mm film roll camera. That moment will be gone.
2. Take as many shots without having to worry about wasting film roll.
3. Delete photos as needed, saving disk space. Keep photos as you need.
4. Sending pictures to family via email or website is quick as images are already digital and do not need to be scan unlike print photos.
5. Now with large memory storage (tiny) one can take as many as 1000′s pictures while traveling. Download as needed.

Tips on How to Choose a Digital Camera:

Here are a few simple tips on how to choose a digital camera that is perfect for you, no matter if you are single or family with kids. Based on my research for getting right camera, budget, features and how you will use the camera will make difference. Buying the most expensive digital camera is NOT necessary. It is all about functionality and ease of use.

1. Knowing how you will use camera will make difference. Unless you are professional photographer, who needs to take high speed or high resolution pictures, you do not need to buy $2000 digital or SLR camera. For most people wanting to take personal and traveling pictures digital camera with right features with right budget price will do.
2. Many digital camera comes with plastic lens or glass lens. Not knowing and having used plastic lens which scratches easily and images comes distorted, I would strongly recommend to buy digital camera with glass lens.
3. Many digital camera comes in high resolutions, for most people 3 to 4 mega pixel resolution is enough. Buying higher resolution means pictures will be much clear and focused, so buy highest resolution that you can afford.
4. Many of us will be using zoom features to zoom in and zoom out features, so get digital camera with optical zoom and not digital zoom capabilities.
5. If you choose flash modes, compare it will other digital camera features. I did not even know what it was for.
6. Buy camera with auto focus and smart auto picture features for casual picture taking. Other features that are important to look for are, macro features, shutter release and its lag times.
7. Another important thing for digital camera is to have optical viewfinder as well as LCD display finder. What it means is that one take picture through looking at LCD display or through the view finder both.
8. Buy a Digital camera with high RAM (Random Accesses Memory), so you can store more images on camera without having to download in middle of event or vacation. Or buy extra memory chip for backup.
9. Having large LCD panel will help during video taking mode.
10. Compare and know more about charging the digital camera, type of batteries its uses and other savings features.
11. See if your digital camera is compatible with downloading on your laptop or computer and if not what devices you may need to do that.
12. For those who are not professional photographer but still want better images can look for interchangeable lenses, steady shot feature, auto white balance, variable shutter speed, self timer, manual and auto focus, burst mode features in digital camera to make pictures more professional and crisp.

Other Buyer Beware Tips:

• There are many high resolution cameras are selling for low price however, these high resolution may only apply to software interpolation and not true optical resolution for pictures. So be aware of that.
• Buy Digital camera with CCD which means Charge coupled device, otherwise you will be spending more money for extra stuff.
• Always check return policy before buying camera. Once our friend who opened the camera and wanted to returned it next day were denied as they had opened the boxed package. Knowing what you can do will save you much hassle later.
• For many digital camera owners, means pictures are always on computer, to print out right images make sure you have at least 720 dot per inch printer and somewhat high resolution digital camera else images will be blurry. There are many places will take and print your digital images as well.
• If you are planning to use photos to send via email, webpage even inexpensive camera with 640 by 480 pixel resolution will do. Do not let anyone tell you that you need spend fortune to buy right digital camera.

Best Rated Digital Camera:

Nikon D5100 16.2MP CMOS Digital SLR Camera with 18-55mm f/3.5-5.6 AF-S DX VR Nikkor Zoom Lens

Product features:

• High resolution and Super-Density horizontal type Vari-Angle LCD Monitor
• In-camera Special Effects Mode
• In-camera HDR (High Dynamic Range)
• Stunning Full High D efMovies with Full Time Auto focus

Best Value: Best features with budget Price Digital Camera:

Panasonic DMC-FH25K 16.1MP Digital Camera with 8x Wide Angle Image Stabilized Zoom and 2.7 inch LCD (Black)

Product features:

• The high-speed, high-performance and recording of beautiful images.
• The Sonic Speed AF system includes numerous re-engineering enhancements.
• Battery is included.
• No need to know all modes and technical know how; Just choose the iA Mode, aim at your subject and shoot.
• Optical Image Stabilizer compensates for the blurring caused by hand-shake, making clear picture.

Best High End Digital Camera:

Nikon D800 36.3 MP CMOS FX-Format Digital SLR Camera (Body Only)

Product feature:

How To Choose A Right Digital Camera For You is a post from: Heart and Mind

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Martha Stewart Books

	Martha’s Entertaining: A Year of Celebrations
	Martha Stewart’s Handmade Holiday Crafts: 225 Inspired Projects for Year-Round Celebrations
	Martha Stewart’s New Pies and Tarts: 150 Recipes for Old-Fashioned and Modern Favorites

Chocoholic Cookies From Martha Stewart is a post from: Heart and Mind

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Life is sometimes what we make it out to be, what we think it is. Here is life’s little wisdom to share with friends and inspire each of us to smile, hug and do something nice for us and each other.

I thought this was lovely, a bit long and drawn out but true
May you find peace and happiness in your hearts always

Sometimes in life, you find a special friend;
Someone who changes your life
just by being part of it.
Someone who makes you laugh
until you can’t stop;
Someone who makes you believe
that there really is good in the world.
Someone who convinces you
that there really is an unlocked door
just waiting for you to open it.

Always try to help a friend in need

Believe in yourself

Be brave…but it’s ok to be afraid sometimes

Study hard

Give lots of hugs and kisses to your kids

Laugh often

Don’t be overly concerned with your weight, it’s just a number

Always try to see the glass half full

Meet new people, even if they look different to you

Remain calm, even when it seems hopeless

Take lots of naps..whenever you can!

Be weird whenever you have the chance

Love your friends, no matter who they are

Don’t waste food

RELAX

Take an occasional risk

Try to have a little fun each day.
….it’s important

Work together as a team

Share a joke with friends

Fall in love with someone.

…and say “I love you” often

Express yourself creatively

Be conscious of your appearance

Always be up for surprises

Love someone with all of your heart

Share with friends

Watch your step

It will get better

There is always someone who loves you more than you know

Exercise to keep fit

Live up to your name

Seize the Moment

Hold on to good friends; they are few and far between

Indulge in the things you truly lov

Cherish every Sunday

At the end of the day… PRAY

……. and close your eyes

And smile at least once a day!

Life’s Little Wisdom For Daily Living is a post from: Heart and Mind

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Image source: meetup.com

All of us sometimes have to deal with negative people that simply drains our energy and our wit. Sometimes we can avoid these people to catch a breath and other times, we may not be able to, specially, if that person happens to be a relative, co-worker, boss. How to we deal with negative people depends on our own thinking and perspective. Some might say “Do not let him/her get to you” or “Just ignore them” type of suggestions, but sometimes it is not so simple to just do that. For that we need to cultivate our mind and habit to a point where whatever someone says or behaves does not affect us.

Meanwhile, we can not get rid of people in our life, politics, jealousy, anger, negativity in people affects us. As humans tend to be social creatures and we have social need, we will bound to find occasionally people who may drive us crazy with their negative thinking.

How to Deal With Negative People

While we may wish to eliminate negativity from world, until that happens we can use these simple tips to dealing with these people bit easier on us.

1.Place limits or restrictions:

Having no limits can give anyone free reign to do as they wish, so set limit. Such as if someone keeps saying bad words or keeps on complaining, tell them to stop or redirect the conversation.

2. Find Protection

Let’s face it, sometimes we are more sensitive and vulnerable to criticism or constant negativity. During those time, find some protection to help you such as take trusted friend when you are meeting a negative person. Make sure you avoid more than require contact with difficult person until you feel ready for it.

3. Push for Positivity.

It is difficult to be positive all the time, but it can be changed. Whenever you think, negativity is starting to affect you, find a inspirational quotes book, go out in fresh air, share a joke with someone, do something you absolutely love to bring back positive balance back in to the life.

4. Redirect or Change the Topic

When conversation is going somewhere, where it becomes awkward and uncomfortable. You can redirect or change the conversation topic subtlety to avoid further negativity.

5. Find Reasons Behind it

Sometimes when we look for “whys” behind someone’s negativity either towards us or someone else, things become little easier to handle and fix. If someone is negative towards you, find out why they feel that way, once you listen to the cause you might be able to fix it, say sorry or move on. Knowing why can help you with solution in some cases.

6. Eat well, Sleep well.

Our energy or positivity is low when we are famished and sleepy. So always try to eat well, sleep well, eat and think healthy to be your best energy level to take each day in best way we can.

7. Find What works for you.

Only you know yourself better than anyone else. So, know what works for you and what situation cause you to stress out and be frustrated. Avoid people, situation that makes you feel out of control and uncomfortable. If you do find situation that is negative, work out a small back up plan to get out of it as soon as you can.

How To Deal With Negative People Video

Here is a short video I found that explains it well on how to deal with Negative people.I hope you are lucky one that do not need to deal with anyone negative, but if you are like most of us, these tips will come handy.

Your Turn: How do you deal with Negative People?

How To Deal With Negative People is a post from: Heart and Mind

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A little while ago, I happened to see a great documentary is called “Century of Self”, it is a great eye opener on how whole propaganda or little better sounding relationship managing works. One thing in life for me is that I am lifelong student, and here is something new to learn and be aware of it and how it effects on us even now.

Century of Self

You can see a Trailer of the documentary here.

So What is Century of Self?

The Century of the Self is an award winning British television documentary film. It focuses on how Sigmund Freud, Anna Freud, and Edward Bernays influenced the way corporations and governments have thought about,‭ dealt with, and controlled ‬people to buy things, or do behavior modification during election time.

I studied and knew about father of pychology Sigmund Freud,  but certainly was not aware of his daughter Anna Freud,and his nephew Edward Bernays, who was the first to use psychological techniques in public relations successfully even now.

Propaganda: How it has shaped America Today

One thing I like about the documentary is something close to my heart, as the documentary goes deep in to roots of today’s consumerism, elections, creating “me first” or “individuality” in a way you would never think of it.

One of the thing learned is how women in 30′s were not interested in smoking or using Betty C rocker’s Cake mixes. (Solution to Betty’s Cake Mix was simple enough when ad told women to add an egg to the cake mix, it worked then and it is working now too). To solve the first problem, attractive girls/women were paid to take a part in a parade, well let me not tell you, here is the part of the documentary that shows how that was achieved. Please note, it has some adult language words in there.

How long is the documentary Century of Self and where can I see it?

The whole documentary is about 4 hours long but it will change you will see advertisement, television and elections in new way. It is 100% worth it.

1. You can watch this documentary in parts or whole in you tube, you tube links to be not stable, as some disappearing with copyright issues. I am sure someone may post on you tube again.

2. You can borrow from your local library (if they have it) or borrow from friend. You can buy it here as well.

The one of the scariest thing said by Paul Mazer, a Wall Street banker working for Lehman Brothers in the 1930s, is cited as declaring “We must shift America from a needs- to a desires-culture. People must be trained to desire, to want new things, even before the old have been entirely consumed. [...] Man’s desires must overshadow his needs.”

That is pretty profound and scary. Our desire are our wants and needs are basic needs. We (our generation and onwards) have somehow learned to mixed our desire as our needs. So, that is why we hear people or advertisement saying “need for speed” “need for retail therapy” or “I NEED this.. product”…

So, What do We Human “Need” :

An interpretation of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, represented as a pyramid with the more basic needs at the bottom.

Source: Wikipedia

Century of Self: Must See Documentary is a post from: Heart and Mind

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If you spend without thinking, that practice can be very costly, financially as well losing mental piece. Here is a nice info-graphic that show you, how you can keep paying the credit card debt, and it will keep increasing instead of going down, thanks to compounding interest rate. Check it out below, and judge for your self.

What is scary thought is, if you paid minimum required on your average debt (current national average number) $10, 679,  in 1000 years your remaining debt will be $212 million and you would have paid $5.1 billion dollars on your little over $10K debt. No wonder many of us keep paying debt and never see the light of the day. Danger of credit card debt is mind boggling and scary.

As no human has ever lived for 100 years, the debt can go in to next generation. Let’s be careful of what you buy today on Credit card, else our grand children and great great grandchildren might pay for our debt.

Source: via: Cracked

Why Our Grandkids Will Pay For Our Debt :Infographic is a post from: Heart and Mind

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Without further ado here is more about Evelyn in her interview:

Evelyn Parham: Smile is Contagious!

Interview With Evelyn Parham: Become a Healthier You

Zengirl: What made you interested in blogging and why? 

Evelyn: I started blogging to document my raw vegan journey.  I got to a point where I really enjoyed blogging and meeting other people online.  I was passionate about sharing information to help others learn about becoming healthy and I decided to write about it.

 Zengirl: .When did you start blogging, how was the experience at first?

 Evelyn:I started blogging in 2008.  The experience was fun, but a little lonely in the beginning.  I started realizing that people were reading my blog, I got excited about that and kept blogging about my raw vegan experience.

Zengirl:. You have unique blog with health, vegan and blogging tips, what made you decide to write on different topics in one blog and how it is working out for you?

 Evelyn: Well, those three health, eating a vegan diet and blogging tips are all very interesting topics and I thought since I have this blog, why not combine it all.  I also know others who blog about vegan, health and fitness topics and when I share blogging tips, those readers let me know how helpful the tips are, so I keep writing about blogging.

It’s been working out fine.  I haven’t measured the success of it, but I can say it keeps the blog from getting boring.

 Zengirl: Which blogs, social media is must read on your list?

 Evelyn: The blogs that I must read are 2 Create a Website and Copy Blogger.  I learn the technical information and more from one and the other I learn how to improve my writing.  I am active on 2 social media sites and that’s Twitter and Facebook.  I have yet to get into Google (+) and Pininterest.  Twitter and Facebook keep me busy and it is hard for me get into learning the ins and outs of other social media sites.

I am also into You Tube.  I have two (2) You Tube channels.  I am a You Tube partner on one of my channels and I enjoy the community of people that I have connected with.  So I guess I’d have to say, I’m into Twitter, Facebook and You Tube.

Zengirl:Is blogging part of your passive income strategy or past time? How many blogs do you work or write for?

 Evelyn: When I started blogging, I had no clue that I could make money online.  I didn’t understand how all that worked, but now I have a better understanding.  Blogging is now a passive income for me.  I don’t make much blogging, but I do have the potential for increasing my earnings.  Making money online is not my passion, my passion is sharing and helping others.  If I can do that well, then making money will come. I’m working towards increasing my earnings, but I have to diversify.

I have a total of (3) blogs that I personally operate.  As of now, I do not write for any other blogs.  I will contribute to Black Enterprise’s health section very soon.

 Zengirl:What motivates you every morning to write for your blog?

 Evelyn: My motivation comes from my passion to share and serve.  There’s a saying that goes something like this, “If you love doing something, the love of what you do will keep you going.”  I also know that I have dedicated readers and I can’t let them down.

 Zengirl: What have you learned from blogging so far? What you love about blogging and what you wished you can change?

Evelyn: I have learned that you cannot give up, especially if it is something that you love.

I love that I can share information and people actually read it and find it of value.  That is something that amazes me and that people from all over this world can read my blog and meet me without having to leave the comfort of their homes.  That’s really cool!

Blogging friends are some of the nicest and coolest people that I have had the privilege of meeting online.  I count that a blessing.  When a blogger needs assistance with something, we pull together and help them without question.  I wish people were like this off line.

I can’t think of anything I would change.

 Zengirl: How to you find balance between your heart and mind?

Evelyn: I find balance by unplugging from online.  It is a must that I take time to unplug, because if I don’t, I get burnt out in my heart and mind.  I spend time enjoying my family and friends, teaching my daughter, reading and watching my favorite T.V. shows.

 Zengirl:. Tell me about your interest in veganism and how long have you been vegan and what made you change your diet?

Evelyn: I developed an interest in veganism in 2008.  I participated in a raw vegan challenge and that really sparked my interest in eating a plant-based diet.  I have been eating a plant-based diet for 2 years.  Now, let me add during these 2 years it has been a challenge.  There have been times when I’ve fallen off the wagon, but I never give up and I always get back in the game and I keep playing.

I changed my diet because of health reasons.  After changing my diet, I noticed a change in how I felt and even my looks.  My skin looks better now then it did 20 years ago.  So, I have to stay on this path, because it works for me and I feel good.

Zengirl: What is most important thing in your life and why?

 Evelyn: The most important thing in my life is making sure my daughter is able to function in society.  The reason is because people are very cruel to people who are different.  Some people could care less about getting someone who is a little different.  Some people assume that people who are a little different can’t do certain things because of a medical diagnosis.  I want my daughter to be capable of doing what she wants to do and to not allow others to define who she is.  I want her to define who she is and to always be true to herself.  That way I know she’ll be able to function and survive no matter what comes her way.

Thank you Evelyn for taking time for Interview at Heart and Mind.

I hope you enjoyed this interview questions and answers. I want my readers to know good blog and good information and Evelyn’s blog is one many will enjoy reading. Here are my some of the favorite blog posts from Evelyn’s blog:

10 Important Keys to Become a Healthier You – FREE eBook

Take Time to Enjoy

10 Reasons you are not losing weight

Evelyn Parham Bio:

Bio:  Evelyn Parham is a blogger, plant-based eater, and health enthusiast.  She enjoys reading, writing, singing and enjoying family.
Twitter:  @evelyn_parham
Facebook Page:  http://www.facebook.com/pages/Become-a-Healthier-You/146883832003490
Youtube:  http://yotuube.com/user/evelynprather

Blogger Interview With Evelyn From Become a Healthier You is a post from: Heart and Mind

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