So the point of this article is really to highlight the various ways that people attempt to hide money in their divorce so that you can be aware of these techniques and look out for them in your own divorce case.

1. Your Spouse Hides their Income from You

If your spouse works for a company that uses direct deposit (which is pretty much any company) or else is self-employed, than this is a fairly easy and common thing to do.

Basically, your spouse would divert a small amount of their income into a separate bank account that you are unaware of. This frequently happens when one spouse receives a pay increase so as not to raise any red flags about what they are doing. This is a frequently used financial planning technique to divert funds into separate bank accounts that each have a separate purpose (such as an emergency fund, debt payments, taxes, etc.)

To determine if your spouse is doing this, you will need to see their paystubs. But this is a problem in and of itself, since many paystubs are issued electronically these days and are emailed to the employee. You may need to start the divorce process (and get the required financial disclosures) to determine whether your spouse is employing this technique.

2. Your Spouse Overpays the Taxman

The vast majority of married couples will file joint tax returns. But that doesn’t mean they have to. It may make sense to file separately if one of the following situations apply:

1. If both you and your spouse work and earn about the same income, then filing separately will keep you in a lower tax bracket;
2. If you will only qualify for some special tax deductions if your adjusted gross income is below a certain threshold, then filing separately makes sense; or,
3. If your spouse has tax debt or past due child support payments that you don’t want to be held responsible for then you should file separately.

You don’t need your spouse’s permission to file separately. You can simply tell them that you have decided to file separate and refuse to sign a joint return. Then they will be forced to file separately as well. If you make the decision to do this, you will need to plan ahead and ask your HR department to increase your tax withholding. You can do this by completing a new W-4 form, which is typically completed when you were hired but can be updated at anytime. By doing this, you can have more money withheld from your paycheck so that you will receive a larger refund when you file your taxes and this can then be sent to a separate bank account.

What to do if you think your spouse is using this strategy?

It will become fairly obvious that your spouse may be using this strategy if either they 1) inform you that they want to file separate tax returns or 2) you start to see changes to the amount of money that is withheld from their paychecks. A lawyer can assist with this, as they will be scrutinizing your spouse’s earnings and looking for changes to their income over time. If we see that your spouse’s earnings haven’t changed, but their net take-home is decreasing, or that their income is increasing and their take-home is staying the same, then we might want to ask more questions about that.

In addition, a lawyer can ask for employment records from your spouse’s employer, which will include copies of the W-4 forms that your spouse has submitted.

3. Your Spouse Gets Lots of Cash Back

One of the easiest and most common ways to hide money is for your spouse to get cash back whenever they go to the grocery store by using their debit card. Although it takes time, $10 or $20 extra every time you go to the grocery store will add up over the course of several months. And as long as your spouse doesn’t check the receipts, you’ll have no issues.

How to find out if your spouse is using this strategy?

If your spouse is using this strategy, you a likely the primary wage-earner and have cut off any access to funds for your spouse. You’ve got bigger things to worry about than your spouse hiding cash so that they can hire a lawyer (which is the primary reason most spouses do this). But if you somehow are able to find a bunch of receipts that show cash back for your spouse, then you can ask your spouse about it, but chances are this strategy will be almost impossible to trace.

4. Your Spouse Rents a Safe Deposit Box

Renting a safe deposit box is a fairly common practice. They are available at most major banks, and can be used to stash cash, prepaid debit cards, and extra credit cards. Not only that, nobody needs to know what is inside the box – even the bankers are not permitted to know the contents.

Many websites and other forums will tell you that putting cash in a safe deposit box is a poor practice, and possibly even illegal. However, this article from the FDIC Consumer News says only that “you’re better off stashing your cash in a bank deposit account, like a savings account or certificate of deposit, than in a home safe or a safe deposit box.” This is primarily because “cash that’s not in a deposit account isn’t protected by FDIC insurance,” says Luke W. Reynolds, Chief of the FDIC’s Community Outreach Section, and a safe deposit box is not a deposit account.

Although cash in a safe deposit box is virtually untraceable, there will be a record that you have the box, you will have to pay a fee to rent it (between $15 to $25 per year), and you need to make sure to hide the key from your spouse as well.

When and Why Would You Hide Money From Your Spouse?

Aside from the numerous ways to hide money from your spouse, you may be wondering, at what point and in which situations is this an option that you should consider?

People decide to stash away cash for a variety of reasons. Even if you are happily married, you may want the piece of mind that comes from knowing that you will have a financial cushion in event that things start to deteriorate. Or in other situations, you begin to sense that a separation or divorce is coming in your future and you want to be prepared financially should that happen.

How Much Money is Enough?

When we are talking about stashing cash, we aren’t talking about money to buy a few groceries, or even a single night at a hotel room. We are talking about enough money so that you can leave the marital residence if necessary, and possibly even hire a lawyer. In many cases, this is somewhere between $5,000 and $10,000.

However, you need to be aware that holding this amount of cash – while appropriate in some situations (such as where there is domestic violence, or where you are the dependant spouse without an income), may be more trouble than it is worth in others (such as if you would be tempted to spend the money and have a hard time saving, or in situations where it would be impossible to hide this cash from your spouse). Regardless of your situation, you will want to think carefully about how you will go about “stashing cash” before you move forward with your plan.

Do You Need to Be More Actively Involved in Your Family Finances?

One way to protect yourself against your spouse hiding money from you is to take an active role in your family finances. In many households, one spouse is primarily in charge of handling the money. This means they take charge of the checkbook, pay the bills, and invest any extra cash. If you are not actively involved in these activities, perhaps it is time that you became more involved.

With regards to bank accounts, you need to be aware of all bank accounts that have your name associated with them. This means that you should have online usernames and passwords for any bank accounts, credit cards, investment accounts, etc. that your name is connected to. You should also talk to your spouse about their retirement plans and be aware of how much money your spouse earns and puts away towards retirement. In addition, if your spouse has access to any other perks or benefits, such as bonuses, stock options or stock grants, you should be aware of those benefits as well.

If your spouse is unwilling to share this information with you, then as they say in space, “Houston, we have a problem.” A marriage based on deceit and the withholding of information is destined for failure unless something changes.

So long as you are aware of the financial picture for your household, you will have a much easier time understanding what is available when it is time to split assets in your divorce.

If you decide to ignore what is going on with your families’ finances, then when the time comes for you to separate you may find yourself at a severe disadvantage. We’ve seen many cases where one spouse trusts that the other spouse has the finances covered, has been saving appropriately, and that they have amassed some degree of wealth. Imagine their surprise when they find out that the family has been living off of credit cards, and that they are on the verge of filing for bankruptcy?

There is no scenario where it isn’t a smart move to take an active role in what is going on financially within the family.

The post How to Hide Money from Your Spouse appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

Here are some of the benefits of a flat fee model and why we have decided to move in this direction:

1. Flat Fees Align Our Interests With the Interests of Our Clients

The biggest problem with hourly billing, historically, is that is pits our interests as a firm against the interests of our clients. We want to be profitable and generate revenue, while our clients want to pay as little as possible and have their case resolved as quickly as possible. If we are charging on an hourly basis, then (theoretically at least) our incentive is to keep the file open as long as possible, while at the same time billing as many hours as we can.

We tried to combat this by charging minimum fees. But the problem with these is that clients were reluctant to sign a new minimum fee contract once their initial contract was up – thus they became hourly clients anyway. So even though we don’t place any funds in trust, (we are not required to do so under the minimum fee model), we are still billing most of our clients on an hourly fee basis after their initial minimum fee was depleted.

A flat fee structure, on the other hand, aligns our financial interests as the attorney with our client’s own financial interests. Once a flat fee is set and agreed upon, our sole incentive is to complete the work on your file as quickly and efficiently as possible. Meanwhile, you no longer must worry about how much time we are spending on the matter. We can work more efficiently, you gain predictability, and the value of the work becomes the focus of our engagement with our clients.

2. Flat Fees are Predictable

Hourly fees are completely unpredictable. As the client, you don’t know how much your bill will be for any given month. You know that when there is more work done, you pay more, but you don’t know exactly how much more until the bill arrives. Unless you have an unlimited legal budget and don’t care about your fees, this is going to be a problem, especially for most family law clients whose funds are already stretched thin because of their legal separation and other financial obligations.

Flat fees eliminate this uncertainty. If we quote you a specific flat fee to draft a separation agreement, or represent you at mediation or in court, and promise that the fee will not change for that portion of the engagement (even if the work proves more difficult or requires more time than anticipated), you can now predict what your costs will be, and plan accordingly. This model reinforces the “peace of mind” that the attorney-client relationship generates for you as the client.

3. Flat Fees Incentivize Efficiency

Hourly billing rewards inefficiency. The longer we take to complete a task, and the more inefficient we are in working on your file, the more we can bill. This seems counter-intuitive. Flat fees, on the other hand, will reward our firm for being efficient with our time.

The more we can streamline the process for you, and make it easier to resolve your case, the less time we will work on your file to drive it towards the same conclusion. With flat fees, creativity and efficiency are rewarded – just as they are with most typical businesses. Over the long-term, this will allow us to develop strategies to systematize routine and repeatable tasks, which will lead to a more streamlined, modern, and profitable law firm.

4. Flat Fees Will Save You Money

Flat fees don’t necessarily equate to less legal costs. Lawyers are an investment in your own peace of mind, no matter if you are paying on an hourly basis or a flat fee.

However, with flat-fee billing, there is an opportunity for you as the client to save some cash. This is because a flat fee incentivizes efficiency. At The Hart Law Firm, we are already using cutting edge legal technology to save our client’s time and money. From auto-responder sequences that are customized to the specific issues in your case, to online schedulers, to document automation systems, we are already taking proactive steps to move your case along more efficiently. As a result of these investments, documents that may take other firms 3-4 hours to prepare will take us less than an hour because of the systems and processes we have created. As a result, we can spend more time focusing on higher-level strategic work, and less time on mundane drafting.

5. Flat Fees Emphasize the Value of Your Attorney’s Work

Time is not necessarily an appropriate measure for value. As lawyers, we could easily spend an entire day researching a discrete legal issue that wouldn’t necessarily add more value to a client’s case.

Time is not a good way to measure value. Will the fact that your lawyer researched a legal issue for 8 hours make a difference in your case? Maybe, but probably not. The bottom line is whether that research resulted in a discovery that will change the outcome of your case in a meaningful way or otherwise drive your case towards a settlement. More often than not in a family law case, extensive legal research is not necessary.

Hourly billing rewards this type of inefficient work. As the client, you want to limit unnecessary waste in your case. And since the lawyer is in the best position to know what is a good use of their time and what isn’t, a flat fee is a great way to incentivize the lawyer for doing the work that matters – not just the work they can bill a lot of hours for.

You don’t necessarily want to limit the amount of time an attorney works on your file, but you do want to limit the amount of wasted time that is spent on your file that isn’t moving your case towards a conclusion.

A flat fee structure emphasizes the value of the tasks that matter, such as:

• Developing case strategy;
• Meeting with the you to collaborate and learn more about your situation;
• Researching only the legal issues that will move the case forward;
• Attending mediation sessions; and,
• Negotiating with your spouse or their attorney

6. Flat Fees are a Competitive Advantage

Because the majority of family law attorneys in Wake County specifically and North Carolina generally, continue to use an hourly billing model, we believe that our firm is perfectly positioned to gain a competitive advantage in the marketplace. That’s not to say that there aren’t other lawyers that offer flat fees, there certainly are. But they are rare, and there aren’t many small firms like ours who not only offer flat fees, but who have also embraced technology to more effectively represent their clients.

The post We’ve Decided to Move From Hourly Billing to Flat Fees. Here’s Why This is Better for Our Clients… appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

At this point, you don’t know what the plan is, or what the lawyer intends to do with your case. Maybe they told you that they will help you file a lawsuit or draft a separation agreement. But that’s about all you know.

Fast forward a couple of months and an initial lawsuit has been filed, or agreement drafted (partially) and you don’t feel any closer to resolving your case than you were when you first hired the lawyer.

Am I making sense so far?

There is a Better Way

At The Hart Law Firm, P.A. we have developed a structured process to manage your case from beginning to end, one step at a time. At the center of this process is you, the client, and your goals, priorities, and concerns – and it all starts with our 5-step strategic divorce process.

This process is intended to move you through your divorce case as quickly and cost-efficiently as possible. This isn’t by mistake. We know from experience that our happiest clients are the ones who get their cases done quickly and without spending their entire life savings.

Our Proven 5 Step Divorce Process

At the end of your initial assessment, we will talk with you in detail about our process and how it works. Here is a quick overview of our 5 step divorce process:

1. Initial Assessment
2. Strategy Session
3. Implementation
4. Reassess and Review
5. Settlement

Most of your case will alternate between stages 2-4. Develop a strategy. Implement. Reassess. In this way, we are constantly tweaking and reassessing your case to move it forward to settlement. Along the way, we will knock out issues that both you and your spouse can agree on until we reach a final settlement agreement.

Initial Assessment

This is the first meeting with our office. It is an opportunity for you to tell us everything we need to know about your case and start to get to know our office and how we work. You will walk away from the initial assessment with answers to many of your initial questions, and a plan for how your case will proceed as well as an estimate of what your financial investment will be to have a lawyer helping you through every step of the legal process.

Strategy Session

After you retain us to represent you, we will give you some “homework”. This may include a more thorough questionnaire to complete, as well as a list of financial documents to gather. You will be assigned a paralegal from our office to assist you in gathering and organizing all of this information. After you have completed this initial assignment, we will meet for an initial strategy session. During that meeting we will help solidify an initial action plan for your case.

Implementation

This is where the rubber meets the road. In the implementation stage, we will start the process of engaging with your spouse or their lawyer in the form of delivering an initial settlement proposal or draft separation agreement. If you have hired us to litigate your matter, we will file and serve an initial lawsuit and schedule temporary hearings.

Reassess and Review

After we contact your spouse, there will be a waiting period while they hire a lawyer, prepare a response to our proposal, or respond to our lawsuit. Once we finally get their response, we will decide what needs to happen next. At this stage, we will meet (over the phone or in-person) to review where we are at, and decide on how best to proceed.

Settlement

One we reach the settlement stage, your case is almost finished. But just because we have reached settlement doesn’t mean there isn’t more work to be done. During this stage we will negotiate and draft the final settlement documents, which could be a court order, a final separation agreement or both. You may need to have us draft an order to divide retirement accounts (which is a separate engagement). Other assets may need to be transferred (such as vehicles and houses), mortgages may need to be refinanced, or you may need to sell a home.

In other words, reaching a settlement is just the first step towards finalizing your divorce, and can take several months. But we will be with you every step of the way to make sure everything is handled properly.

Absolute Divorce… The Final Step

One your case has been completely resolved, assets divided, and financial accounts unwound, the final step is to obtain your Absolute Divorce. This is a fairly straightforward matter and something we can help you with after everything else has been resolved. Only a Judge or the Clerk of Court can grant you a divorce, which means that you will need to file a lawsuit to obtain your divorce judgment.

The post Our 5-Step Divorce Process for Handling Family Law Matters appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

So our first piece of advice is to try to relax. Take some deep breaths.

This is going to be ok.

How to Prepare for Your Initial Consultation

First things first. Not everyone that comes in for a consultation (or a Divorce Assessment, as we like to call them) needs to hire a lawyer for full-service representation. Lawyers can do lots of different things for you, from coaching you on what to do (so you can do things yourself), to drafting simple documents for you, to helping you develop a strategic plan, as well as much more.

Before you come in for your initial consultation, it is important that you are prepared. We don’t ask our client’s to gather all of their financial documents and bring them to the initial assessment, but a general overview of what you have, what you owe, and current incomes and expenses is always helpful. If a lawsuit has been filed, you should bring a copy of all the paperwork for that lawsuit that you have received. If you have received a draft agreement from another lawyer, you should bring a copy of that paperwork as well.

In addition, hopefully you have started to make a list of what you want in the divorce. Do you want to keep the house? What kind of schedule would you like to see with the kids? Will you need support (or are you willing to offer support)? These are issues that your lawyer will want to know about.

Meeting Your Divorce Lawyer for the First Time

Hopefully, you have done at least a little bit of research on the lawyer you are looking to hire. Most lawyers (in the Triangle Region of North Carolina at least) will charge for an initial consultation, and these fees will vary from $200-500 or more. Some lawyers bill hourly, some charge a flat rate for the meeting. At The Hart Law Firm, we currently charge $250 for the first hour, which is typically enough time to answer all of your questions and for us to decide whether we will be a good fit to work together.

You should come into this initial meeting with a list of questions to ask your lawyer. You are looking to determine whether the lawyer cares about you and what you are going through. Do they have the right level of experience for what you are looking for, and do they have a demeanor that fits with your personality?

Some questions you may want to ask may be:

• What is your legal background?
• How long have you been practicing family law?
• How many family law cases do you handle every year?
• What percentage of your practice is devoted to family law?
• Will you be the attorney working on the case?
• What is my divorce going to cost?

In addition, you should share your goals with your lawyer and ask them if they are realistic or not. A good lawyer will help you assess your goals and identify other issues that you may not have thought of. If they don’t think your goals are realistic, ask them why.

Deciding to Hire a Divorce Lawyer

If you feel that you have a rapport with the lawyer, you should ask about their fees and how you would go about retaining the firm. The lawyer should have a written fee agreement that outlines all of the fees involved in their case. If they don’t, then you should find another lawyer. Ask the lawyer about the initial fees, as well as what the average fee would be for a case like yours, because the difference may be startling.

You will also want to ask if the lawyer bills hourly or on a flat fee basis. For flat fees, the lawyer is typically billing for a specific, discrete task (such as a court appearance, or filing an absolute divorce). Hourly fee lawyers will track their time to prepare documents, attend court, phone calls, meetings, etc.

Setting Expectations about Communication

At The Hart Law Firm, client communication is vitally important. We use a number of technological tools to keep the client informed on what is happening with their case at every stage of the process. We also have online scheduling tools you can use to schedule time to speak or meet with a lawyer at times that work for you. In addition, we recently hired an experienced paralegal who is available to talk about your case during normal business hours, and all clients are given her direct phone number.

One word of caution – as lawyers, we are more than happy to talk to you about your case. However, if you are looking for emotional support, we highly recommend you hire one of the therapists we recommend. They are less expensive and highly skilled at what they do!

Developing a Legal Strategy for Your Case

One thing that sets The Hart Law Firm apart from other lawyers is that we proactively and systematically develop a customized legal strategy for each client we work with. Divorce is not a cookie-cutter area of the law – each case and each client is vastly different. What works for one client will not work for another. One client may require us to appear in court while another requires an out-of-court settlement to achieve their goals.

At the initial assessment, we will begin to brainstorm legal strategy ideas that we will start to put into action during the second meeting we have with our clients, aptly termed the “strategy meeting”!

The post How to Prepare for Your Initial Meeting with a Divorce Lawyer appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

• Can I leave the marital home?
• What financial information will I need to gather?
• Can I record phone calls with my spouse?
• Where will I live?
• Can I date after separation?
• Do I need to hire a divorce lawyer?

The purpose of this post is to try to answer as many of these questions about divorce in North Carolina as we can so that you can begin the process of planning for separation and moving on with your life, regardless of whether you are the person seeking the divorce or not. (North Carolina is a no-fault state, so if you are trying to save your marriage and your spouse wants out, you can delay the process but you can’t stop it altogether).

Divorce is a huge, life-changing event. And whether you like it or not, if you try to ignore the process or take a nonchalant approach to divorce, you are likely to get taken advantage of in the process. This is a serious event and requires a significant amount of energy and focus to get through.

That being said, a divorce (at least in North Carolina), is a marathon and not a sprint. The entire process is likely to take anywhere from 15-18 months from beginning to end, perhaps even longer. Many people plan for the legal separation for many months or even years before they actually separate from their spouse. And then you must be separated for a minimum of 12 months before either one of you can file for divorce, and that process takes 2-3 months to finalize.

So what can you do to maximize your chances of coming through this process relatively unscathed? That’s why we wrote this article (and this book).

Control What You Can Control

You can’t always control everything about the divorce process. And if you are blindsided by the divorce, you may not be able to control a whole lot. But there are some things you can do NOW, to put yourself in the best possible position for success.

You need to gather as much information as possible. This includes financial records, credit card statements, bank account statements, retirement accounts, pay stubs, tax returns, etc. Here is a list of documents that we tell all of our clients to gather at the beginning of each new engagement:

1. Bank account statements for the past 12 months;
2. Credit card statements for the past 12 months;
3. Retirement account statements for the past 12 months;
4. Stock option agreements;
5. Paystubs for the past 6 months;
6. Invoices for the payment of children’s activities;
7. Documents related to health insurance and medical expenses;
8. Your estate planning documents;
9. Documents for life insurance, including term and whole life policies;
10. 529 Accounts for the kids;
11. Social Security Cards;
12. Tax Returns (business and personal) for the past 3 years;
13. K-1’s and W-2’s for the past 3 years;
14. Passports for you and the kids (especially if you believe your spouse will flee with the kids overseas);

It is amazing how quickly all of these documents will disappear once you or your spouse decide to separate. And, once you do separate you will not be allowed into the other person’s residence, so it is important to gather this information before one of you moves out.

Plan Your Separation

Although the divorce process can take a significant amount of time, the most stressful cases occur when parties separate before they reach a formal agreement about how they are going to divide up their assets, provide for spousal support, and co-parent the children. In North Carolina, these decisions are frequently codified in a formal separation agreement and property settlement that is notarized by each party.

Although you must be physically separated for at least one year in North Carolina to obtain a divorce, a separation agreement will sever all of your marital rights and contractually end your marriage during the term of your separation. So although you won’t be legally divorced, you will be contractually separated from one another and all of your financial and custodial issues can be resolved with a separation agreement.

That being said, it is important that you plan out your separation. A bad choice is to get in an argument with your spouse, pack a bag, and leave indefinitely. A more appropriate choice is to negotiate and execute a formal separation agreement and then physically separate at the same time.

Once you are ready to separate, whether you have an agreement in place or not, here are some practical considerations you should be thinking about as you look for a new place to live.

1. It is not necessary to buy right away. Many people think they need to run out and buy a new home immediately. In many cases, this isn’t necessary, or even prudent. When you separate from your spouse, the most important thing is to find a clean, safe place to live that provides enough room for you and your kids (if you have them). You don’t want to rent a studio apartment if you have three kids – doing so could limit the amount of custody time you will have with your children.
2. Consider Downsizing. A legal separation is a great chance to start over. Some people decide to divorce because of financial issues with their spouse. When you separate, you can find a less expensive place to live, save yourself some money, and get a financial fresh start. However, make sure you talk to a lawyer first. If you haven’t resolved spousal support issues, finding a less expensive place to live could adversely impact your need or your ability to pay if alimony is an issue in your case.
3. Don’t forget school districts. This is one area where it is vitally important that you and your spouse are on the same page. You may decide that it is important to move into a different school district for middle school or high school. If you want to change districts, both of you need to agree on this issue BEFORE you sign a lease or purchase a new residence in that district, or else you may be stuck in a location that is not preferable for the kids. Here is a site to research Cary, NC schools.
4. Private Landlords vs. Apartment Complexes? In general, a private landlord will be more flexible on issues like the amount of the security deposit and the rent payments. Large corporate apartment complexes, however, will NOT negotiate on these issues. So if your credit is spotty and you need a landlord that is flexible, then consider a private landlord rather than a corporate one.
5. Talk to a Lawyer! Making the decision to separate from your spouse will have severe practical and legal considerations and we highly recommend that you talk to a lawyer BEFORE you make this decision. Even if you think that you have thought through all the possible implications of this decision, you probably haven’t. And if you aren’t quite ready to call a lawyer, that’s ok – we wrote the book on what to do when you are considering a divorce that you can download for free here.

Control Your Online Presence

Like it or not, social media is not going away anytime soon. As a result, you need to control what you do online and how you do it. This goes for your personal social media profiles as well as accounts that may be controlled by others (who include pictures of you). We recommend that you “go dark” on social media, delete your accounts (or check to make sure your privacy settings are at the highest level) and stop posting any material about you, your soon to be ex-spouse or your kids on social media.

Many people will go online looking to connect with others while they are in the process of separating. This is a bad idea for a million and one reasons. Even if you think things are deleted, in this world of forensic computer analysts, nothing is ever really deleted.

So while you are online shutting down your social media accounts for the next several months, make sure you take some time to change up your passwords. We highly recommend a tool called Lastpass to create super long and complicated passwords for all of your accounts. Here is a quick list of all the accounts you will need to secure:

1. Email accounts. Not only should you change the password on your email, but you should consider signing up for a new email account that your spouse doesn’t know about. Use this account to correspond with your lawyer about your case.
2. Apple ID. In addition to changing the password on your Apple/Droid/Chrome devices, make sure to turn off the “find my friends” setting so that your spouse won’t know where you are all the time.
3. Your Phone. If you have a PIN for your phone, you will want to change it so that your spouse can’t unlock your phone without you knowing.
4. Amazon Account. If you share a family account that is connected to your credit card, it would be smart to change the password on this account to protect you from unwanted purchases.
5. Financial Accounts. You need to change the password for all bank, investment, retirement, life insurance, etc. accounts.
6. Social Media Profiles. This includes Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, YouTube, Pinterest, Instagram, etc.
7. Financial Software. Unless you are still using these accounts for family use, you will want to change the passwords to Mint, Personal Capital, and Ynab if you use them.
8. Entertainment Apps such as Hulu, Netflix, or YouTube Red. Some families will share these accounts even after they separate, so this is something you may want to talk to your spouse about first.
9. There are probably many other accounts that are unique to you which I haven’t included here. We recommend that you go through your online history and/or credit card statements to look for other accounts that you may have missed.

Educate Yourself about Divorce in North Carolina

Reading this website is a great first step. Downloading our book, “Next Steps” is another smart choice. But this is just the tip of the iceberg in terms of resources you can use to help you through this process.

Here are some other books that you may find helpful to you.

Talk to a Divorce Lawyer

It is never too early to start a conversation with a lawyer. The sooner you begin this process, the more options you will have available to you. We offer a no-obligation initial assessment in our office to speak with a lawyer and begin to learn more our proven divorce process and about the options that are available to you.

Feel free to use this link to schedule your assessment today.

The post Thinking About a Divorce in North Carolina? Start Here… appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

Before I get into my reasons for why I’ve avoided taking the exam until now, let’s talk for a bit about what the exam is and why it is important.

What Does it Mean to be “Board Certified” as a Specialist in North Carolina?

The Bar offers a designation as a “North Carolina family law specialist” to attorneys that meet certain criteria, which vary by practice area. Typically, these criteria include:

• Continuing Education Requirements
• Devoting 25% of more of the lawyers practice to the specialty
• Peer Review and confirmation that the lawyer has the qualifications to be board certified in the specialty
• Passing a 6 hour exam in the specialty

Once a lawyer becomes board certified, they must apply for recertification every 5 years. According to the State Bar website, “board certification is an indication that the lawyer has intentionally focused his or her legal practice to improve the proficiency and quality of the lawyer’s legal services and to stay current in the specialty field.”

So basically, a board-certified specialist has made the decision to focus their legal practice on certain types of cases and remain up-to-date and proficient in that area of the law.

Why I’ve Decided to take the North Carolina Family Law Specialist Exam

Here’s the thing, at The Hart Law Firm, 95% of the cases we handle are family law related. In other words, the bulk of the work we do is to help people who are going through a legal separation and divorce. We work with people to negotiate support payments (including child support, post separation support and alimony), divide up marital property and debts (also known as equitable distribution), and develop effective co-parenting schedules for the sake of the children.

These are the things that a family law specialist does, but to be called a specialist, you must satisfy all of the other requirements listed above.

I’ve decided that since I’m already limiting the focus of my practice to family law, I might as well sit for the exam!

How Long Does it Take to Become a Board Certified Specialist?

There are two main roadblocks to becoming a family law specialist. The first is the continuing education requirement. The second is the exam itself.

You must complete 45 hours of continuing legal education (CLE) over the 3 years prior to sitting for the exam. That’s a lot of CLE, and if you don’t plan those CLE’s out ahead of time, you will not be eligible to take the exam. And with regards to those CLE’s, all but 9 hours must be devoted solely to family law. So if you take the wrong types of CLE’s, you won’t be eligible.

So once you become eligible to sit for the exam, you must study and prepare for the exam itself. It’s a 6 hour exam – similar to the bar exam, and covers a variety of topics in all facets of family law. You will be expected to know all the family law statues, as well as, all of the most recent court of appeals decisions for the past 3-5 years.

Needless to say, that is a LOT of material.

And not only that, but the exam is only offered once a year, typically in October or November.

What to Expect From Us During the Coming Year?

Unfortunately, I missed the cutoff to take the exam this fall. But right now I am finishing up my CLE requirements so that I can sit for the exam in 2020. I’m going to be learning a lot about family law, some of which will be review, but a lot of it will be new material as I familiarize myself with recent court cases.

My goal is to blog about the process, and bring a practical spin to the cases I’m reading and learning about.

Because at the end of the day, you probably don’t care much about 99% of what I will be learning unless it is the 1% of the material that will have an impact in your case.

The post Why I’ve FINALLY Decided to Sit for the North Carolina Family Law Specialist Exam appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

A divorce coach is not a lawyer or a therapist, but rather they are a specially trained professional who can help to coach you through the divorce process, understand the system, and move you through the divorce process with more confidence and clarity about the changes that are about to happen in your life.

What is a Divorce Coach?

A divorce coach will focus on your future life, and help you develop a roadmap for how you want to get there. To be clear, as lawyers, we are NOT a divorce coach. And a divorce coach cannot be your lawyer – they cannot provide you with legal advice, draft legal documents, or represent you in court.

Here are some of the things that a divorce coach can help you with:

• Deciding whether or not you to stay in or leave the marriage
• Preparing for divorce (yes, being prepared is a smart thing to do)
• Understanding the system you are about to enter
• Making a determination of which process is best suited to you and your family (i.e. divorce mediation, litigation, or collaborative divorce)
• Helping you to find and hire the right divorce lawyer
• Assist you in putting together a divorce team and support network
• Help you to save both time and money with your divorce
• Determine appropriate goals for your divorce
• Helping you to prepare for mediation and/or court
• Keeping your divorce on the right track and moving forward

Why should you use a divorce coach?

Lawyers are trained to advocate for your interests and negotiate the best possible settlement in your case. If your case needs to go to court, we are trained in the rules of civil procedure and evidence so that you can put forth your best possible case.

But there are a lot of things that a divorce lawyer is not well-trained in, such as helping you handle the emotions involved in your divorce, and getting you organized before you talk to a lawyer.

A divorce coach is trained to help you keep your overall goals in mind, even when it seems like your case is veering off-course or your emotions are getting the better of you.

How to find a good divorce coach?

Every divorce coach is going to be slightly different. You may want to interview several before you find one that is a good fit for your personal situation. If you have already hired a divorce lawyer, you may want to ask them if they have a coach that they recommend. If you are still weighing your options, you may want to talk to your therapist, pastor, or a close friend that you know has been through a divorce and whom you can trust.

If none of that works, you can do a quick search online for “divorce coach” in your city. You are likely to find a list of therapists, life coaches, and maybe even some law firms. Make a list of 3-5 names and then give each of them a call. Depending on who you talk to and how quickly they call you back, you can schedule a follow-up meeting and go from there.

You can also visit the Certified Divorce Coach Website to find a coach in your area.

There is no right or wrong answer to finding the perfect divorce coach. You just have to find someone you like and whom you will trust to help you through this process.

Divorce Coaches in Cary and Raleigh, North Carolina

If you are looking for a divorce coach in either Cary or Raleigh, here are some names of people that we know and are happy to refer our clients to:

Donna Moore
(919) 787-5897
Donna@DonnaMooreTherapy.com

Katrina Kuzyszyn-Jones, Psy.D.
(919) 493-1975
drkatrina@kkjpsych.com

The post Do You Need a Divorce Coach? appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

Tip #1 Oversharing

What is oversharing? It means telling everyone in the world what is going on with your separation and divorce. Ending a marriage, especially when there are young kids involved, should be a private matter. How and when you tell the world that you are getting divorced is ultimately up to you, but oversharing information to family, friends and social media can actually backfire if not done with serious thought and a plan as to what you are trying to accomplish.

If you need to talk to someone about your separation, then discussing what is going on with your best friend is one thing, but telling all the parents at your children’s school that your spouse is a lying scumbag will never help your situation. Those conversations are best saved for your therapist’s office.

Tip #2 Fighting over things that don’t matter

I see this all the time. A client wants to “win” in the divorce (FYI, you can’t “win” a divorce lawsuit). And sometimes they hate their spouse so much that they will make unreasonable demands just to spite them – even though doing so makes it harder to settle their case.

Here’s a tip. If you are starting to fight over little things that don’t really matter, you need to take a step back and ask yourself what you are doing and why. What is really going on with you personally that is causing you to act in a way that is self-destructive and will actually hurt your personal situation in the long run?

Fighting over a television, or a car, or a living room set may actually cost you more money, increase your amount of stress, and take months off of your life. Not to mention the additional cost in the form of additional legal fees. In essence, you are “spending a dollar to save a penny.”

Tip #2 Not starting with the end in mind

When many people go through a legal separation, they don’t really know what it is they want out of the process. Usually, that is because they haven’t taken the time to think through their goals and objectives. Do they want more time with the kids or to protect their retirement account? Do they want to complete the separation agreement as quickly as possible or get every last penny of alimony? Do they just want to separate as quickly as possible or do they want to move through the process methodically?

One of the first things we do with our clients is to talk to them about their goals and help them to outline a strategy so they can increase the likelihood that they will get what they want out of their divorce. We have prepared a proprietary Goals Worksheet to help walk our clients through the various legal and practical issues that come up in a divorce situation and determine which issues are the most important to you.

Tip #3 Staying in a Bad Marriage for Too Long

Many couples decide to stay together in an unhappy marriage “for the kids”. However, recent studies have shown that children do better in separated, healthy homes than they do in homes where the marriage is intact but dysfunctional.

If you have children, making the decision to leave makes sense if your marriage is irretrievably broken. As your children grow into pre-teens, they are old enough to see whether you are happy or not.

And even if you don’t have children, many people stay together in bad marriages because they are scared of what is on the other side of a legal separation. They wonder whether they are making the correct decision to leave and whether they will ever find love again? They wonder how they will manage financially if they leave? They are afraid of dividing up all of their assets and what that will mean for their retirement.

Here is my experience with my clients. It is incredibly rare that someone will leave a marriage and regret their decision. And honestly, if it does happen, I’ve yet to see it in 15 years of handling family law matters.

Sometimes you just have to rip off the band-aid and move on. Is it scary? Of course. But statistically speaking, you will be happier in the long run.

Tip #4 Not seeking help from a therapist

As we discussed previously, telling everyone in the world about your impending separation may feel good in the moment, but it’s not necessarily the best thing for your legal case, for your family, or for your long term mental health. The last thing you want is other people gossiping, and then having that information get back to your child at school or to your spouse who isn’t yet aware that you want a separation.

A therapist can be a great help in this regard. They can talk to you about your situation and help you work through your issues in a systematic and strategic way. They will give you constructive feedback and help you understand whether leaving your marriage is the right decision for you or not.

Tip #5 Leaving the house without an agreement

One of the biggest mistakes I see from people who make the decision to leave is that they rush the process. They want out so bad that they leave the house after a terrible fight and never come back. This is one of the worst things you can do. Or their spouse demands that they leave and they comply, thinking it is the right thing to do in the moment.

Leaving the house and formally separating is a huge decision. You need to work through finances, how to pay for two houses on your income, custody of the children, where you will go, and much more. This is not a decision that should be taken lightly and done in a huff.

It’s such a big decision that clients will frequently engage us to do what we call “pre-separation planning”. In other words, we will work with clients to help them get all of their finances in order and determine the best time to separate. Believe it or not, we have also counseled clients to move back in if possible, because they are not in the place financially where a separation makes sense.

Over time, we can help to draft both interim and permanent agreements for custody and support so that you can move out without fear of getting slapped with a lawsuit for post-separation support, child support or custody.

Tip #6 Not talking to a lawyer early on in the process

If you are thinking about leaving your spouse, it is never too early to talk to a lawyer. We meet with many people who wait 6 months or a year or longer before engaging us on a formal basis. Deciding to separate is a big decision and smart clients want to go about it the right way. Your meeting with a lawyer is confidential and nobody but you and our office will ever know that you met with us.

The benefits of meeting with a lawyer early on are many. These meetings can be therapeutic in that we will let you tell us about what is going on and we will ask you lots of questions to help you understand what the separation will ultimately look like. We can help you to figure out when is an appropriate time to separate and whether there are things you should or shouldn’t be doing now to prepare for the separation.

Many of our client’s come away from these meetings with the sense that they know what to expect and what the process will look like. We will share with you our strategic plan to help you move through the separation process systematically and methodically to achieve the best possible result for you and your family.

Final Thoughts

We hope that you will find these tips helpful as you ponder your decision to separate from your spouse. We realize that this is not an easy decision, nor is it one that should be taken lightly. A divorce is a serious legal transaction with lots of moving parts.

If you have questions or would like to schedule an initial call with our office, you may contact us here. Thank you for downloading this tip sheet and we look forward to hearing from you.

The post Getting Divorced? Don’t Make These Mistakes… appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

Is a Separation Agreement required in North Carolina?

No. You do not have to enter into a separation agreement to be legally separated from your spouse. However, you are still married to your spouse for a minimum of a year, even though you may be legally separated from them, we highly recommend separation agreements when there are children, debts, spousal support claims, real estate, or other assets to be divided. A separation agreement will allow you to settle these matters privately in writing and outside of the court system. Oral promises or simple contracts that aren’t notarized are unenforceable under the laws of North Carolina.

What exactly is a Separation Agreement?

A separation agreement is a contract between two spouses in which they resolve the division of property, the payment of financial support, the custody schedule for their kids, and other issues in a written and legally binding contract. A separation agreement is typically signed at the same time the parties separate or just before they separate. In some cases, a separation agreement will be signed many months after the separation has occurred.

Who can prepare a separation agreement?

It is best to have a lawyer of your choosing prepare a separation agreement. To be valid, both you and your spouse must sign this contract in front of a notary. While some lawyers would have you believe that you shouldn’t do this yourself, we are currently working on a software program that will allow you to answer some questions in a simple and easy to use interview format and have a separation agreement that is 95% completed in a matter of minutes. If you are interested in signing up to be a beta-tester of this program, please click here to enter your name and email address.

Can we divide property in a separation agreement?

Absolutely! Although when you divide property in a legal document it is typically considered a “property settlement” as opposed to a separation agreement – many people use these terms interchangeably. Some of the property that you can divide in your agreement include real estate (such as the marital residence and rental properties), other property such as vehicles, businesses, artwork, jewelry, and furniture, and financial assets such as bank accounts, stocks and bonds, pensions and life insurance.

Can I force my spouse to sign a Separation Agreement?

Unfortunately, no. You can’t force your spouse to do anything that he or she doesn’t want to do. You must both sign voluntarily and of your own free will.

Do I need a Separation Agreement to get a divorce?

No. A Separation Agreement is not evidence and will not be used in the divorce proceeding unless you or your spouse decides to incorporate it into the final judgment of divorce, which is not common.

What are the penalties for failing to follow the terms of my Separation Agreement?

It is important to understand that a Separation Agreement is not a court order – you can’t hold someone in contempt of court for failing to follow the terms of the agreement. Rather, you would need to sue your spouse for breach of contract and your remedies would be limited to money damages and specific performance.

My spouse assumed responsibility for our joint credit card debt in the Separation Agreement – does that mean I don’t have to pay these anymore if they stop paying them?

Unfortunately, no. While your spouse would be responsible for these debts pursuant to the Separation Agreement, this agreement is not binding on third parties such as the credit card companies. If your spouse stops paying on these debts, you would be jointly responsible for any joint debts. For these reasons, we recommend ordering a copy of your credit report and making sure your name is removed from any joint debt after the Separation Agreement is signed.

I want my spouse to leave me alone. Will a Separation Agreement keep him or her from harassing me?

Most Separation Agreements have a non-harassment clause contained in them. However, just because something is written in a piece of paper doesn’t mean someone will follow that document. If you are having problems and your spouse will not leave you alone, then the proper remedy would be to file for an injunction or protective order to keep them away from you. Violation of a court order like this is enforceable by law enforcement officers. A Separation Agreement is not.

Does the Court have to follow the custody schedule that is contained in our Separation Agreement?

No. This is a common misconception. Anything related to the children that is included in a Separation Agreement (including child custody and support) can always be modified by a court if they feel that the best interests of your children would be served by changing the terms of your agreement. However, the terms of your Separation Agreement raise a presumption that whatever you agreed to in writing are presumed to be in the best interest of your kids.

The post A Survival Guide for Separation Agreements in North Carolina appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

You hate the current state of affairs, but for one reason or another, you are afraid to do anything about it.

You and your spouse fight all the time (sometimes in front of the kids) and you think that you are showing them what a healthy relationship is all about (because you are sticking together through it all).

You are afraid what your family, friends, co-workers, kids, anyone who knows you will think if you make a CHOICE to end your heartache and get a divorce.

I want to let you in on a little secret.

You DO have a choice in the matter. You can stay or you can go.

Life will go on. The world will keep turning. The sun will rise again tomorrow.

It might be hard. It might actually be excruciating. But according to author Steven Kane in his book F*** It, Get a Divorce:

“You’re human. An emotional being. That’s what being human is. Turning off emotions is to be less human. Is that what you want? We all know people who’ve done that. Do you really want to be more like them?”

Here’s what I think. You need to cut out the bullshit right now.

Take responsibility for yourself and your actions. If you are in an unhappy relationship, acknowledge that you have a choice.

On the one hand, you can stay, do nothing to make things better, and be miserable.

Or you can stay and work on things (for the sake of the kids), hoping that one day it will get better. Maybe it will, maybe it won’t.

Or you can go.

Those are your choices. That’s where you are at.

Life is a series of choices. Some are easy and some are hard. Choosing to get a divorce isn’t one of the easy ones. But once you have made that choice, it doesn’t have to be hard either.

Nobody said you have to hate your ex-spouse. If you are reading this you probably have kids together. This person will be in your life for a very long time – whether you are married or not.

You can co-exist and co-parent – for the sake of the kids. But you don’t have to stay in an unhappy marriage.

A while back I was reading a book or listening to a podcast that talked about the healthiest environments for kids to be raised in. And the author said that it is actually healthier for children to be raised in a single parent home (or in two single-parent homes) than in a home with parents that fight all the time.

Let that sink in for a moment.

If you and your spouse are in an unhappy marriage but are staying together for the kids, it would actually be healthier for the kids for you to split up than for you to stay together.

I realize this isn’t an easy choice. Nobody said marriage is easy and choosing to end it is even harder.

But you have to be honest with yourself. When you know, you know.

And when you are ready to give us a call, we can help you end it amicably.

Life is too short to stay in an unhappy relationship. Sometimes you need to know when to say when.

Stop the bullshit. Be honest with yourself. Make a choice.

The post Should You Stay Together “for the Kids”? appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

If you are going to spend thousands of dollars to hire a lawyer to negotiate on your behalf, then doesn’t it make sense that you should actually follow the advice they give you?

It’s ok not to like my advice – I realize I’m not perfect and I’m not always right. But at the same time, I have negotiated literally thousands of cases over the past 15 years since I first started practicing law. And by negotiating all of those cases, I’ve learned a thing or two about how to do it the right way and the wrong way.

You, on the other hand, have only been through this process once (hopefully). In addition, you are emotionally involved in the process. And you might be prone to make short-sighted decisions that, while they will eliminate your pain right now, are decisions that you will have to live with for years to come.

But Lawyers are Just Motivated by Fees…

I wish I could say that was true. But most family law attorneys (myself included) have a pretty full caseload and whether we are working on your case or someone else’s case doesn’t much matter.

In my practice I have two goals for my clients:

1. Get the best deal possible.
2. Resolve the case as quickly as possible.

Those two goals are not always aligned. In fact, they usually are not.

In order to get the best deal possible, sometimes it takes a lot of time and patience. You have to “strike when the iron is hot” so to say. If the deal isn’t right – then there is no sense in finalizing the separation agreement.

There is no deadline or statute of limitations in family law cases. You don’t have to get your case resolved by a certain point in time. And frequently, time is on your side. If you are more patient than your spouse, then you can use that to your advantage.

Unfortunately, some of my clients feel a need to rush the process. And while this isn’t always a bad decision, sometimes it is.

So how do you know when you should put the brakes on the process?

5 Signs You Need to Slow Down the Negotiations and Listen to Your Divorce Lawyer

There are many reasons to slow things down. Here are 5 signals that indicate you need to slow things down and listen to your divorce lawyer:

1. Your spouse is threatening you.
2. You start to feel like any deal is better than continuing to live with your spouse.
3. You have a boyfriend/girlfriend who is pressuring you to finalize your agreement.
4. You are running out of money to pay your lawyer.
5. You have lost the willpower to continue negotiating.

Let’s take these one at a time.

Your Spouse is Threatening You

If your spouse is threatening you, (and I don’t mean threatening you with physical violence – I mean “You need to sign this agreement or I will sue you for all you’ve got” type of threats), then you may need to slow things down. A threat is an unsophisticated way to try to coerce someone into playing by your (often unfair) set of rules. When your spouse is threatening you (frequently with taking you to court or that his/her lawyer will “destroy” you) then they realize they are negotiating from a weak position.

People who threaten legal action to try to get you to agree to their terms should never be listened to. Your best move when this happens is to listen to your lawyer’s advice. And in these cases, I have very specific strategies that I counsel clients to use to disarm that spouse. If done correctly, they won’t even realize what you have done.

You feel like getting any deal done is better than continuing to live with your spouse

Living with someone who you hate and can’t stand to live with anymore is a really difficult place to be. I’ve counseled lots of clients who find themselves in this position. You may find yourself living with someone who does not want to separate, and you feel like you need to give up a substantial amount to get your spouse to leave or otherwise engage in the process.

Nothing slows a divorce down faster than a spouse that doesn’t want to get divorced. They will do all sorts of crazy things and make completely unreasonable demands in an effort to slow things down. You must recognize this for what it is – a delay tactic.

If you find yourself in this type of situation, there are things you can do to move the process along without losing your shirt. Your spouse can delay, but they can’t prevent the divorce forever.

You have a boyfriend/girlfriend who is pressuring you to finalize your agreement

Let me just say that having an affair while trying to negotiate your divorce settlement in North Carolina is a toxic combination. Don’t do it. Tell the boyfriend or girlfriend that they will just have to wait until your settlement is finished to resume your relationship. It will be hard, but it is better than your spouse finding out and suing them.

Trust me. You are doing them and yourself a favor.

You are running out of money to pay your lawyer

It’s not so much the running out of money that is a problem. Rather it’s not knowing when the process will end or how much it will cost. In our practice, we won’t take on a client unless we feel that they can afford to hire a lawyer. Clients who fit that mold either have a significant income (such that they can afford the ongoing expense of hiring a divorce lawyer) or they have assets that can be used to pay for that lawyer.

If a client doesn’t have any assets to divide and doesn’t have any income, then they may not require a divorce lawyer at all.

The big exception to this is a spouse who was a stay at home parent, is not working outside the home, and has no access to the financial accounts. In those cases, we will counsel people on how to gain access to funds so that they can hire a lawyer in the short-term and seek reimbursement from their spouse in court.

You have lost the willpower to continue negotiating

This is a common concern from many clients. And the solution is surprisingly easy.

Take a break.

Unless you have a court deadline or a threatening spouse (see above), there is no urgency to getting an agreement drafted immediately. It’s ok to step back and take a break from the negotiation. Sometimes taking a few days (or even a few weeks) away from thinking about your separation agreement will allow you to come back with a fresh perspective and energized to finish things up.

Final Thoughts About Listening to Your Divorce Lawyer and Following Their Advice

At the end of the negotiation, YOU are the person who will have to live with the agreement you make. YOU will be the one paying or receiving alimony. YOU are the one that will have to divide up your retirement account or receive a distribution from your spouse, and YOU will be the one that has to live in or give up the house you built as a married couple or else sell/refinance it to buy out the other spouse (or get bought out).

Decisions on these matters are not easy and they don’t get easier by ignoring the advice of your divorce attorney. Your attorney wants to get you the best deal possible. The best case scenario is for you to look back at your agreement in 6 months or a year and feel like you did the best you could and are happy with the agreement that was negotiated.

If you ignore your lawyer’s advice and give up everything to your spouse, will you still feel that way?

The post 5 Moments When You Need to Listen to Your Divorce Lawyer appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

In North Carolina, the process to finalize your divorce is fairly easy and straightforward. It’s everything that happens BEFORE you get divorced that is difficult.

Getting a divorce is a big deal, and there are lots of legal implications involved – many of which you probably aren’t even aware of. Here are just a few of rights you will lose when you finalize your divorce:

1. You will lose the right to request alimony from your spouse.
2. You will lose the right to a share of your spouse’s retirement account.
3. You will lose the right to claim an elective share in your spouse’s estate, should they pass away.
4. You will lose the right to inherit any property from your spouse, even if there was a valid will or revocable trust in place before the divorce.
5. You will lose the right to have a court divide up debts that your spouse may have incurred in your name.
6. You will lose the right to be covered under the health insurance policy of your spouse.
7. You will lose the right to serve as personal representative of your spouse’s estate.
8. You will lose the right to seek post-separation support in a court of law.

And there are many more rights that you will give up when you get divorced. To many people, these aren’t a big deal. But if you haven’t properly thought through your divorce and the actual implications of getting a divorce, these may be a very big deal.

So How Do You Get a Divorce In North Carolina?

So let’s assume you have thought through these issues, or maybe you even have a separation agreement in place, and you are ready to move forward with your divorce.

What do you do?

Filing for divorce in North Carolina is a fairly straight-forward process, but if you don’t know what you are doing it is easy to mess up.

First things first, you need to make sure that you have met two criteria BEFORE you file for divorce.

1. You and your spouse must have been legally separated for at least one year on the day that you sign your divorce documents.
2. You must have been a citizen and resident of North Carolina for the past 6 months (and intend to remain a resident moving forward).

Each of these criteria could be the subject of a blog post in and of itself. But without going into all the intricacies right now, just understand that these are the requirements to file for divorce in North Carolina.

However, I will say that…

LEGAL SEPARATION MEANS YOU MUST RESIDE IN A DIFFERENT RESIDENCE THAN YOU SPOUSE. YOU CAN’T LIVE IN DIFFERENT BEDROOMS! YOU MUST EACH HAVE YOUR OWN ADDRESS.

Ok. Assuming you meet these criteria, you must draft a complaint for absolute divorce that contains all the pertinent language. Here is a sample complaint if you are feeling dangerous…

Plaintiff, complaining of defendant, alleges:  

1. Plaintiff is a resident of ____ County, North Carolina, and has been a citizen of North Carolina for more than six months next preceding the commencement of this action.
2. Defendant is a resident of North Carolina. 
3. Plaintiff and defendant were married on ___________ and thereafter lived together as husband and wife.
4. Plaintiff and defendant separated on ____________. At the time of their separation, the plaintiff intended to end the marriage.
5. Since their separation plaintiff and defendant have lived continuously separate and apart and have at no time resumed their marital relationship.
6. The parties have ______ minor child(ren): _____, born ________, and _______ born _________.

Or

6. No children were born of the marriage.

Or

6. The children born of the marriage have all reached the age of majority.
7. Plaintiff desires to resume use of [her maiden name, surname of prior deceased husband, surname of prior living husband (if children have that husband’s surname).]

            WHEREFORE, plaintiff prays the Court as follows:

1. That the bonds of matrimony existing between plaintiff and defendant be dissolved and that plaintiff be granted an absolute divorce;
2. That Plaintiff change her name to ____________, her [maiden name, etc.]
3. For such other and further relief as to the court may seem just and proper.

When you file for divorce, you must also provide the clerk with a summons and a domestic civil cover sheet. The filing fees are currently $225 (as of 2019), which you will pay when you file the paperwork.

After you have filed this paperwork, you must “serve” your spouse. There are two primary ways to serve your spouse in North Carolina.

1. You can take the paperwork to the county sheriff and they will serve your spouse. This costs $30, but it is a sure-fire way to make sure it gets done correctly.
2. You can send a copy of all the paperwork to your spouse via certified mail, return receipt requested. This only costs $5-6 (or whatever it costs to mail a certified letter), but you will be responsible for filing an affidavit of service along with the green card you get back in the mail once your spouse has received the documents.

What next? Now you wait.

Your spouse has 30 days from the date that you “serve” them with the paperwork to file a response. If they want, they can ask for a 30-day extension to file a response (giving them 60 days total to respond).

After the time for them to respond has expired, you have three choices for how to finalize your divorce.

1. You can file for a clerks divorce. This is the easiest method, but also requires a good understanding of local practice in your county. We don’t recommend this unless you know what you are doing.
2. You can file a “summary judgment” if your spouse did not respond and request a hearing. Again, this requires some know-how on your part. Since you will need to go to the divorce hearing anyway, we recommend that you follow choice #3.
3. You can file a notice of hearing for your divorce, show up and give testimony, and the judge will sign your divorce judgment.

Most people who choose to represent themselves will go with choice #3. In Wake County, divorce hearings are held every Friday. Attorney hearings start at 9, and pro se divorces (like yours) start at 10.

You will be responsible for bringing your own divorce judgment for the judge to sign, and you will need to testify that you meet the legal requirements for a divorce. In addition, you will need to mail a copy of the notice of hearing to your spouse, even if they haven’t responded to your original complaint.

Once the judge signs your divorce judgment, you will need to mail a copy to your spouse, and file proof that you have done so with the clerk.

Some Nuances to Getting Divorced in North Carolina

There are a couple of other things that you should be aware of if you are looking to get a divorce.

First, if you are requesting a name change (i.e. you want to go back to your maiden name), you must include that request in your original divorce complaint. If you don’t, then you can complete a form after your divorce is granted and ask the clerk to have your name changed. A judge will not grant your request for a name change unless the request is included in the complaint.

Second, you must file a special affidavit letting the court know that your spouse is not in the military. If they are in the military, then they are entitled to special rights. This is a relatively new requirement that was just started several years ago. If your spouse files an answer to your complaint, you do not need to complete this affidavit.

If all of this has you completely overwhelmed, we are happy to assist you with the filing of your divorce. All you need to do is pay a fee (payment plans are available), the filing fees, and sign the divorce complaint that we will draft. Assuming there are no problems, we will mail you your divorce judgment within 2-3 months after everything is finalized.

Finally, remember that by finalizing your divorce, you are giving up substantial legal rights.

The post How to Get a Divorce in North Carolina appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

In other words, one spouse has always been the “alpha-dog” of the relationship. They control everything from the finances, to family activities, to what everyone eats for dinner.

Or perhaps this occurs when one spouse hires a lawyer, leaving you unrepresented. They will have their lawyer draft an initial agreement and tell you that you have to sign it or else things will get nasty and the lawyers will take all of your life savings.

Or still another situation is where one spouse makes (and thus controls) all of the income for the family, thereby cutting you off financially if you don’t agree to their demands.

Whenever a client comes to us in these type of situations, our first piece of advice is to slow everything down. You can’t possibly expect to have a fair and balanced negotiation if you don’t even have time to think about your options and what is truly in your best interest.

So the single biggest mistake I see people make is that they agree to a rushed negotiation that ends up with them signing an agreement that is not in their best interest.

The Consequences of Signing a Bad Agreement

The consequences of signing a bad agreement are huge. A separation agreement can have life-altering consequences for you and your family. You may obligate yourself to an alimony payment that you can’t afford to pay for longer than you can afford to pay it. Or on the flip side, you may negotiate too low of a payment (or no payment at all), for too short a period of time.

When it comes to dividing up marital assets, you may find yourself losing out on your fair share of the property, which could include real estate, retirement accounts, investments, and cash. You may take on more of the marital debt than you otherwise should.

You may short change your time with your children or agree to a child support payment that is miscalculated and higher (or lower) than it should be.

In a nutshell, you can make any number of mistakes in negotiating an agreement and those mistakes could stay with you for a very, very long time.

Many people want to just sign their agreement and move on with their lives. And while I can empathize with wanting your divorce to be over quickly, rushing this negotiation could have severe and long-lasting effects on your financial and personal well-being. Like it or not, you will have a life after your divorce. But the quality of that life can be significantly impacted by how well you (or preferably your lawyer) negotiate your separation agreement.

So when you are faced with a situation where your spouse is forcing you to move too quickly or agree to terms that you aren’t comfortable with or don’t seem fair to you, you need to slow things down.

Talk to a lawyer.

Take some time to yourself to think about what you are doing.

Don’t rush this.

The post The Single Biggest Mistake People Make in Negotiating Their Divorce Settlement appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

Why Should You Hire a Divorce Lawyer for Your Family Law Case?

Hey, Jim Hart here from the Hart Law Firm. I want to do a quick video here for you today. I’m home for a couple of minutes. I’ve got to rush this video because my family’s going to be going in the door any minute. We’ve got some dogs next door that might be barking so this one’s going to be a little bit crazy. But anyway, what I want to talk to you about today, I just did a really long blog post that talks about five reasons that you should hire a divorce lawyer for your case and that’s what I really want to talk to you about today.

I’ve had quite an interesting trend over the past several weeks. January is typically a busy month for us as divorce lawyers and this January was no different and so I’ve been meeting with a lot of people over the past several weeks about what’s going on with them and their situations and I’ve had a number of people who have come into see me that have been very hesitant to hire a divorce lawyer. And for the most part it’s because they either are afraid of upsetting their spouse, they are afraid of depleting their savings, they are afraid of the potential cost that’s going to come with hiring a lawyer. And I guess I just want to kind of go through each of those.

First they’re afraid of upsetting their spouse. That is really interesting to me because when you’re going through a divorce situation, you and your spouse are inherently at odds with one another. It doesn’t have to be that way but that is the way it typically is set up. And this is especially true if your spouse has already hired a lawyer. And in some of these cases that was the situation. They were afraid that their spouse, who’s already hired a lawyer to draft a separation agreement for them to sign was going to be upset that they now were seeking legal council.

And I just want you to think about that. With anything else that you do where you are signing a contract and there are lawyers involved, it doesn’t typically happen that one side has a lawyer and the other side doesn’t. That’s very rare. Typically both sides are going to be represented. I mean think about if you were going to be selling or buying a house. Usually you’re going to have your realtor, now this is not … They can’t give you legal advice. If you’re the buyer, you’re going to have a realtor and the seller is also going to have a realtor. And they’re going to be negotiating on your behalf and realtors charge typically 6% so 3% for each realtor on the transaction.

If that’s a $100,000 house or a $200,000, that’s a $12,000 fee that’s coming off the net proceeds that you’re receiving if you were to sell the house. It’s interesting to me that people will not think twice about hiring a realtor to help them with an extremely expensive transaction like selling a house but when it comes to ending your marriage, potentially dividing up hundreds of thousands of dollars and paying or receiving thousands of dollars a month in spousal support people are so emotionally invested that they’re upset with upsetting their spouse.

That’s a really interesting dynamic to me and so I have to explain to clients that you need to make sure … That you can still have a relationship with your spouse. Nobody says that hiring a lawyer it has to be inherently difficult. It doesn’t have to be a conflict but you do want to make sure that you’re protected and that you’re not giving up substantial rights, either financial, rights to your children, obligating yourself or making it so that you can’t afford to live by not having the appropriate amount of spousal support paid. That really is interesting to me.

Let’s see, what else was I saying. Upsetting your spouse, depleting your savings. You have to really look at when you are going through a divorce situation, if you’re hiring a lawyer this is not a sunk cost. This is not something that you’re putting money at that it’s going to be gone. In the vast majority of cases, when you hire a lawyer, you’re doing so because you’re going to get at least as much money out of the transaction as you put in legal costs. And when I’m talking to clients and deciding whether or not they’re a good fit for me and my firm, that’s one of the things I look at. I won’t take a client on as somebody that I want to work with in my firm if I feel like I can’t provide them value.

If somebody’s going to be paying me 3,000, 5,000, $10,000 to act as their lawyer, I want to make sure they’re going to be getting that money back. And if they’re not going to be getting that money back then I don’t really feel like they should be working with me. And there’s a lot of people that don’t fit that criteria where they don’t necessarily need a lawyer to help them with their case and I will tell them that too. But the price of initial consult in my firm is very reasonable. When you come in at that, that’s the time where we can really figure this out. And not everybody that comes in to meet with me for a consult is going to hire me as their lawyer and that’s fine. And on the flip side, not everyone that comes in to meet with me is someone who I can really help so that’s just something to consider.

And then I guess the last thing is just the concern about potentially depleting your financial assets. Well, you’re going to be losing half your assets anyway when you go through a divorce and if you have a substantial income, you’re paying alimony, you’re going to be losing a substantial amount of that income each month. If you’re receiving alimony, you need to make sure that you’re receiving enough income to provide for yourself and for your family. You need to make sure the child support amount is correct, you need to make sure the custody schedule works for you and your spouse.

These are things that hiring a lawyer who’s been doing this for many years is going to be … it’s an investment that’s going to pay itself back over time and you’ll figure that out because we can come up with ideas and creative solutions to problems that maybe you hadn’t thought about because frankly number one you’re really close to the situation because it’s you’re divorce, and number two, you’ve never been through this before. You don’t know what is typical in a case. And so that’s another reason why hiring a divorce lawyer is such a good idea.

I wrote a really big blog post that talks about five reasons that you should hire a lawyer. I’m going to go ahead and leave a link to that down in the description below so you should definitely feel free to check that out. Hopefully this has been helpful to you. If you like this make sure to give us a big thumbs up. Don’t forget to leave a comment below and hit the little subscribe button which is on one of these sides. I don’t know, it’s down there. And if you have any questions, we work with clients that are going through divorce and legal separation in Cary, North Carolina and Raleigh and Wake County in general. And I’d be more than happy to talk with you and see if we can help you. You have a great day folks and we will talk soon. Take care.

The post Why You Should Hire a Divorce Lawyer For Your Family Law Case appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

This makes a lot of sense, and for many couples, especially those of you with no children or real estate, and a short-term marriage, this is a great way to resolve your case and save yourself some money in the process.

But for other people who have been married longer, where there is a distinct income differential between the two of you, (maybe one of you was a stay at home parent), and you have built up some wealth as a couple, than hiring a lawyer to help you is a smart investment.

Today I wanted to touch on 5 reasons why you may want to hire a divorce lawyer to help you to negotiate your divorce settlement.

You are seeking alimony from your spouse

One of the most contentious issues that we deal with in a family law case is the amount and duration of spousal support payments, also known as alimony. If you are financially dependent on your spouse, then you have two options after you separate. You will either need to get a job to cover your expenses, or you will rely on support payments from your spouse.

For clients that are unable to work because of their age, the amount of time they have been out of the workforce, or other reasons, then alimony is necessary to help them pay the bills after they separate and divorce. The difference in a several hundred, or ever a thousand dollars a month over the course of several years can add up to a tremendous amount of money and will more than offset the investment in hiring a lawyer.

You are being asked to pay Alimony

On the flip side, if you are being asked to pay alimony, then you probably want to pay the least amount possible for the shortest period of time. In my experience, clients who are being asked to pay alimony hate the thought of writing a check out to their soon-to-be ex-spouse each month.

If you find yourself on the receiving end of an alimony claim, talking to a lawyer before agreeing to a payment that will be unsustainable in the long-term is a smart idea.

You have significant assets to divide

Several years ago I was working with a young woman who had received a large inheritance from a relative. She and her former husband were attempting to divide up their assets and she included this inheritance as part of their overall marital estate.

She even went so far as to transfer a portion of this money to her ex-husband. When she came to meet with me, I explained to her that her inheritance is considered her separate property and that her husband was not entitled to any of it. Fortunately, we were able to recover this money for her before finalizing her divorce settlement. But had she gone without hiring a lawyer it would have been a very expensive mistake on her part.

In many other cases, whenever there are substantial assets at play, you should hire a lawyer to help you identify, classify and value all marital assets so that they can be properly evaluated. Although this seems simple, it is a complicated process that requires the help of a lawyer to make sure it is done properly.

You have a business to divide

Whenever one or both spouses own a business, things can get tricky. Businesses are one of the most common places where a spouse can hide assets and income. If your spouse owns a business that you do not participate in, you may need a lawyer to help you to obtain and review the business bank accounts, look at the tax returns, hire a business appraiser, and help you to determine what the business is worth.

I’ve worked with clients who have drastically overvalued the amount of their spouse’s business, as well as others who significantly undervalued what a family business is worth.

Having a lawyer on your side can significantly help in these situations.

Your spouse presented you with a Separation Agreement that was drafted by another lawyer

If your spouse has hired a lawyer to draft a separation agreement, you should immediately beware. Attorney’s are hired to represent one person, their client. If a lawyer drafts an agreement, you can be sure that it contains language that is detrimental to you and beneficial to their client. In all likelihood, this agreement is tremendously one-sided.

Do not under any circumstances sign a separation agreement drafted by your spouse’s lawyer until you have had the opportunity to consult with your own lawyer about the content of the agreement. And keep in mind, it may cost you several thousand dollars to have a lawyer review and edit this agreement. But the cost will be well worth it if they are able to help you to negotiate a better deal as a result.

Final Thoughts on Whether You Should Hire a Divorce Lawyer

As you can see, there are a number of reasons why you may want to consider hiring a divorce lawyer to assist with your case. The way to approach this is not to look at hiring a lawyer as a sunk cost that you won’t get back. Rather, you should consider whether you will receive a positive return on your investment. For the vast majority of family law clients, the positive financial and emotional benefits that come from hiring a lawyer will far outweigh any negative misconceptions that you may have.

If you can afford to hire a lawyer, and there are substantial assets and support payments in play, then you most definitely should.

The post 5 Reasons You Need to Hire a Divorce Lawyer appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

Transcript: What is Divorce Mediation?

Hey there, James Hart back at you here from The Hart Law Firm. I’m a divorce attorney here in Cary, North Carolina. We help people with all sorts of legal issues, but primarily one of the biggest things we do, is we help people who are going through the process of legal separation and divorce. And today I want to talk to you about one of the most effective methods that we use to resolve those cases, and that’s divorce mediation. And so I want to talk to you today about what is divorce mediation, so you can get a better understanding of whether or not this is something that you can use to help you resolve your case.

So basically what a divorce mediation is, is the process where you and your spouse will meet with your attorneys, and with a mediator at either the courthouse or typically you’re going to meet at the mediator’s office, in an effort to try and resolve your case. Now, I can’t tell you how many people get this process confused with meditation. It’s not meditation, we’re not getting together to meditate. It is not arbitration. It is a form of negotiation, but it’s a different form of negotiation because a mediation means that you have a third party that’s helping you to mediate or to negotiate a resolution to your case.

Some of the most frequently resolved issues, when we’re dealing with a divorce mediation in North Carolina, are going to be child support, child custody, equal distribution, which is where you divide up all your property, what you have and what you owe, and alimony or spousal support. Those are the issues that we most frequently are going to encounter when we’re going through a mediation in North Carolina for a family law case. So in some cases a mediation will start off with the mediator in a room with both spouses and their lawyers. In other cases you just start off in what’s called a caucus, where one person and their lawyer goes to one room, and the other goes to another room, another conference room. And the mediator just goes back and forth between rooms and takes offers and settlement proposals and things like that.

You can bring your divorce lawyer to mediation, this is typically the way it happens, this is going to be the best option for you because the lawyer can sit with you during the mediation and explain to you what the different settlement proposals are and the benefits and drawbacks to each and help you come up with a resolution that’s going to work for you in your case. And lets you see if there are issues, where maybe they’re offering something that the lawyers going to be able to know, okay that’s something they shouldn’t be offering, or …. They can offer whatever they want, but maybe that’s something that isn’t customary, that’s not going to be something that’s going to help you in your case. So the lawyer can help you see those issues and help you understand what is a good settlement and what is a bad settlement for you.

So in the right situation, a divorce mediation here, especially in North Carolina, is an effective and efficient, cost effective way to help you resolve your case. And it also allows you to keep more control than if you were to take your case to a final trial.

So again, my name is James Hart, I am a divorce lawyer here in Cary, North Carolina, and if you have any questions, there’s a link down below to my website. Don’t forget to subscribe, hit the like button, let me know you like what I’m talking about. And this is the first in a series I’m going to do about divorce mediations. I did a big, huge, long post article on my website about divorce mediation. And so you should definitely check that out, there’ll be a link to that down below.

The post What is Divorce Mediation in North Carolina? appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

So how do you decide whether the fights and struggles and difficulties you are having in your marriage are just normal bickering or something that could lead to a separation or divorce?

I’ll be honest. I don’t know the answer to that question. As a divorce lawyer, this is not something that a client commonly asks me about, and if they did I would direct them to a therapist.

Every marriage is unique and has its own unique set of challenges. Perhaps it’s the difficult in-laws, or maybe you have a child with special needs. Maybe your relationship is strained because of finances. Maybe you or your spouse has an untreated mental health disorder.

There are any number of reasons why a marriage can fail.

As a divorce lawyer, I work daily with clients who decide to end their marriage. In some cases, they find out that their spouse is having an affair. In others, there is no synergy or common interests between them and their spouse. In still others, there is a mental health issue (often untreated) that has been simmering under the surface of the marriage.

There are a number of factors that will play a role in when to end your marriage and whether or not a marriage is “workable”. According to Susan Pease Gadoua, LCSW in her book “Contemplating Divorce“, there are three major needs that are indicative of whether a marriage is capable of being saved. Those are:

1. Safety Needs
2. Love Needs
3. Esteem Needs

We’ll take these one at a time.

Safety Needs

In a “safe marriage”, there is mutual trust and honesty between spouses. Both spouses feel a sense of safety from a mental, emotional, physical and financial standpoint. There is good communication between spouses, and they have genuine care and concern for each other. Finally, each spouse is kind to the other (i.e. there is no physical, sexual, emotional, verbal or mental abuse).

In a marriage that seems doomed, the spouses don’t trust one another. Dishonesty is rampant in the marriage. Neither spouse feels safe from the behavior of the other. This could manifest itself in mental, emotional or physical abuse. There could also be financial abuse (withholding funds, reckless and uncontrollable spending, etc).

In marriages where there are safety issues, if both spouses are willing to work on those issues to be honest with one another and restore trust, then the marriage can be saved. However, if there was physical or sexual abuse of any kind, then significant therapy and professional help will be required.

Loving Needs

In a safe and happy marriage, each spouse shares a mutual love for one another. You have shared interests and a commitment to make the marriage work.

In problematic marriages, there is an absence of mutual love. There may be infidelity and there are no or few shared interests. One or both of you may not be committed to making the marriage work.

Marriages can go either way if each of you is willing to work on creating a foundation of mutual love, end any extramarital affairs, and if you share some interests.

Esteem Needs

In happy marriages, each partner has high self-esteem and loves and respects the other spouse. In other words, there is mutual respect for one another. There are common goals and a willingness from each spouse to work on the marriage.

In situations where there is no esteem for either yourself or the other spouse, and no desire to change, then marriage will be unworkable. In these cases, there is no respect for each other and no common goals. At least one spouse does not want to work on the marriage.

When there is just low self-esteem for yourself or your spouse, and both spouses are willing to work on their issues, then the marriage may be able to be saved. But there must be a foundation of respect and some common goals for the marriage.

Final Thoughts on When to End Your Marriage

As you read through this, you may already know whether you can salvage your marriage or not. If you aren’t sure, then we recommend that you consult with a licensed therapist to help you work through the difficulties you are having as a couple.

The post How Do You Know When to End Your Marriage? appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

Erin Ballard is the founder of Family Solutions and Wellness Center located in Cary, North Carolina. When couples decide to end their relationship, Erin and her colleagues work with children, adults, couples and families to navigate this change in the healthiest of ways. For individuals and couples who are unsure as to whether they want to divorce or rebuild their marriage, Erin and her colleagues work to help their client’s gain clarity on the direction they want to take, and begin to take action towards their desired changes.

Name of Practice: Family Solutions and Wellness Center

Office Address: 1513 Walnut Street, Suite 215

City: Cary

Phone Number: (919) 909-1230

Degree(s): B.A. in Psychology and M.S. in Marriage and Family Therapy

Insurance Accepted: Blue Cross and Blue Shield, including PPO plans, Blue Options, and Blue Advantage plans. They are also out-of-network for all other insurance companies.

Areas of Expertise: Helping couples to resolve destructive cycles of interaction and communication. Erin utilizes Gottman Couples Therapy to help her patients increase respect, affection, closeness, understanding, communication, and their conflict resolution skills. Erin is also a supervisor in training for the AAMFT.

Website: http://raleighfamilysolutions.com/about-us/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/raleighfamilysolutions/

The post Erin Ballard, LMFT appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

Office Locations:
5316 Highgate Drive, #222
Durham, NC 27713
(919) 361-6800

570 New Waverly Place, #210
Cary, NC 27518
(919) 917-7737

Degree(s):
Doctorate in Clinical Psychology with a minor in Interpersonal Dynamics and a Master’s degree in Community and Clinical Psychology

Insurance Accepted:
Out of network for most insurance companies – you must file for reimbursement

Areas of Expertise:
Couples
Addiction
Grief
Trauma/abuse/PTSD
Depression/Anxiety
Postpartum Depression
Eating Disorders

Background Information:
Dr. Imbraguglio is experienced in individual, couples, and group therapy, psychological and educational evaluations, and interventions with children. She has worked with children, adolescents, and adults in a variety of settings including outpatient clinics, inpatient facilities, an emergency walk-in center, trauma clinics, college counseling centers, elementary and middle schools, and hospitals.

Website:
www.acaciacollaborative.com

Facebook:
www.facebook.com/acaciacollaborative

Twitter:
@AcaciaCollab

LinkedIn:
https://www.linkedin.com/company/acacia-collaborative

The post Nicole Imbraguglio, Psy.D. appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

Office Address:
110 Iowa Lane, Suite 204
Cary, NC 27511

Phone: (919) 587-8018

Insurance Accepted:
Blue Cross Blue Shield of North Carolina

Areas of Expertise:
Dr. Mathews enjoys working with couples that are navigating the ups and downs of their relationship and those who are trying to recover the love and passion they felt for each other when they first met.

Professional Organizations/Affiliations:
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
Licensed Professional Counselor
American Association of Marriage and Family Therapist Clinical Fellow and Supervisor.

Website:
www.mathewscounseling.net

Facebook:
www.facebook.com/mathewscounseling/

Twitter:
@MathewsCounsel

The post Dr. Adam Mathews, Ph.D. appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

And after the divorce goes final, if the claims are not properly preserved, the court loses jurisdiction to divide up property or order alimony payments. That means that you could lose out on these claims after you finalize your divorce. This is especially troubling for people who require a special court order to divide up retirement assets.

This week I received a call from someone who had made a huge mistake by not calling a lawyer before finalizing their divorce. Many people think they can save money by handling their case on their own. But if you don’t know what you are doing, and don’t properly preserve your rights, you could cost yourself tens of thousands of dollars, or even more.

Here’s a video I did to discuss this topic.

Why it is so important to talk to a Divorce Lawyer BEFORE you finalize your Divorce in North Carolina.

Hey there, Jim Hart here from the Hart Law Firm. I am a divorce and family law attorney here in Cary, North Carolina, and today I want to talk to you about how to file for divorce. In North Carolina, the process of filing for divorce is actually fairly simple and straightforward. Basically, all you need to do is you need to be separated for a year, and then you file for divorce. And that’s pretty much it.

It usually takes between two to three months to finish the process, and after that, you’re free to be single and live your life on your own at the point. But, and this is what many people forget, is that even though the process of filing for divorce in North Carolina, and here it’s called an absolute divorce, is a fairly simple process, that doesn’t mean there isn’t a whole lot of stuff that needs to get done between when you separate and 12 months later when you’re ready to file for divorce. There’s actually quite a bit that needs to get done.

So, depending on your situation, you need to make sure you get a custody agreement in place if you have kids. You need to make sure you’ve divided up all your property and assets. That could be retirement accounts, that could be investment accounts, that could be checking and savings accounts. That could be businesses. That could be your house. All that stuff needs to be divided up. If you have debt that needs to be considered, that also needs to be taken care of before you file for divorce. If you need spousal support, or if you’re going to be paying spousal support, that’s something you want to get resolved before you file for divorce in North Carolina.

And the reason why all these things need to be done before you file for divorce 12 months after you’ve separated, is because if maybe your spouse has all the property in their name, and you need to get part of that property, if you don’t properly preserve that claim, if you don’t file for that and make sure that there is a claim pending for equal distribution – or if you need to get some sort of spousal support from your spouse, and they haven’t been paying you for that whole 12 months, and you haven’t preserved that claim, when that divorce goes final, when you have that piece of paper in hand that says you’re divorced, and that gets clocked in by the clerk, if you don’t have those claims pending at that time, you waive them forever.

So, there’s no going back. I have people all the time that call me two or three months after the divorce went final and say, “Hey, I’m still trying to figure out alimony with my spouse. What do I do about that?” Well, at that point, you’re SOL, there’s nothing you can do about that. You’ve waived those rights.

And so that’s one of the really important reasons why people need what’s called a separation agreement. A separation agreement, also called a separation agreement and property settlement, is a document that we draft for clients all the time, and it helps them to basically clarify how all these things are going to shake out in their divorce. Because it sounds simple, I can be on this five-minute video here and explain it to you, and it sounds really simple, but these things take time to get through. We have to dig into the financials, we’ve got to figure out what’s going on and what needs to be divided.

And this stuff takes time, and you’ve got to figure it out. Now, if you’re in a really contentious relationship where you have a spouse that’s not willing to work with you, or doesn’t want to engage in the process of trying to get all this stuff negotiated, then you may need a lawyer to help you go through that. And we’re very meticulous about what we do. I pride myself in working with clients to help them negotiate the best possible outcome for themselves. I try to push my clients to try to negotiate, or mediate the case before we go to court, and before things start to get out of hand.

And so those are all great reasons to use a divorce attorney to help you with your case, especially if you’re in North Carolina. Now, other people, they may know exactly how they want to divide all their stuff. They may know exactly how they want to handle the custody aspects, they know what’s going to happen with spousal support, or alimony. And for those people, it’s just a matter of drafting up a separation agreement that’s going to make sure all those things happen the way they want them to happen. And I highly recommend you use an attorney to do that as well.

But that’s basically it, that’s how you file for divorce in North Carolina. You go down to the courthouse, and you basically draft up … you have a complaint for absolute divorce drafted, and you file it. But the biggest thing you need to understand is even though you file for divorce and it still takes a couple of months after that, there’s a process, there are steps you need to go through. But even though you file for divorce, you need to make sure that you’ve resolved all that other stuff. And again, we’re talking about property distribution. We’re talking about spousal support. We’re talking about alimony. Potentially if you need some help paying for attorney’s fees, that’s going to come into play.

You need to have those things resolved before your divorce goes final, otherwise you lose them forever. So, that’s it for today. Hopefully this is a video that’s helpful to you. If you have questions, feel free to contact my office at jameshartlaw.com/contact. I’ll leave a link down in the notes below. Have a great weekend folks, and we’ll see you next time.

The post Don’t Make This Huge Mistake Before Finalizing Your North Carolina Divorce appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

How to Protect Inherited Assets from Your Spouse

Today I’m doing to share with you what you need to do exactly to protect your inherited property if you’re going through a separation or divorce. My name is Jim Hart. I am the owner of the Hart Law Firm and this is the Ask a Lawyer show, the best YouTube show on the internet for everything related to divorce, family law, personal injury and estate planning.

So today I want to talk to you about what you need to do if you’ve inherited property, and how you should protect that property in the event that you’re going through a separation or divorce. First thing you need to know, this is specifically for people that are in North Carolina. If you live somewhere else, these laws may not apply. But if you live in North Carolina and you’re going through a separation or divorce in North Carolina, then there are very specific rules related to how inherited property can be treated in North Carolina if you’re going through a separation and divorce.

The first thing you need to know, excuse me, just let me get a little sip here. I need to warm that coffee up. First thing you need to know is that in North Carolina inherited property is defined in the statutes as separate property, and separate property the court has no jurisdiction to divide it. That means that if you inherited $100,000 in an investment account or perhaps you were listed as a beneficiary on a IRA from a relative and you receive that money after they pass away, that money is going to be your separate property as a matter of law. That means that the family court, if you’re going through a separation and divorce, has no jurisdiction to divide that property.

By jurisdiction we mean that they don’t have the legal authority to go in and look at that account and make a division of that. Now, there are some exceptions, and this is where people make the big mistakes. The first exception is let’s say you take some of that property and you commingle it with your other accounts. Well, in that situation if you can’t trace that money back out of that account, then that is going to become marital property.

So for instance, if you took that $100,000, you added that $100,000 to another investment account that you had, and you bought a bunch of stocks with it, maybe mutual funds that have been bought and sold and reinvested over the years, then it’s going to be very hard to figure out what portion of that money was your original investment account from your inheritance, and what portion of that money might have been marital funds. Then in that situation, you’re basically commingling that and it’s going to be difficult. The court’s not going to be able to divide that.

Another example of how this could be problematic for you is if you take that money from that separate property, and you start buying marital funds with that money. Let’s say you take that money from your investment account that you inherited, and you start buying, paying for marital expenses with that money. Well then you’re basically commingling that or converting that money to marital funds, and now the court does have jurisdiction to make divisions there.

Now a third way this can become problematic for you is if you take this investment account that is your sole investment account, and you start depositing, let’s say, your paychecks into it. Your paycheck, by virtue of the fact that it’s earned during the marriage and before separation is considered marital property. So if you take that marital property and deposited it into your investment account, and you just start investing in there, you’re basically reverse commingling. You’re putting marital funds into that investment account that was your separate property, and now all of a sudden it becomes difficult and harder and harder to trace where that money is from.

Basically what North Carolina does is they follow what’s called a source of the funds rule, and what that means is they’re going to look to where the source of the funds were and that’s how they’re going to treat it. So, if the money came from your paycheck, it’s going to be considered marital. If it came from an inheritance, it’s going to be considered separate. But if you start commingling those and it becomes more and more difficult for the courts to figure out what is marital and what is your separate property, then the court’s not going to be able to divide that.

What do you need to know? A couple of things you need to do if you inherit some money and you want to make sure you protect that money. Number one, if you don’t do anything with it and you leave it sit in the investment account where you inherit that money from and it’s in your name only, you may want to change the name of that, that investment account to your name. You can title it as inheritance account or something like that. See if the bank will let you do that. Then you know that that’s your inheritance account. It’s separate. You don’t have a problem there.

You can put it into a trust that stays in that trust for your benefit. You can put it into an irrevocable trust if you wanted to, and you’re not going to be able to get that money out except for in certain situations, but that would protect the money in the event of divorce, so long as you don’t put any marital property into that account.

So those are some of the things you can do to protect it. Also you need to make sure you don’t take that money and put it into a joint checking account or another account that is a marital account. Now the title of the account doesn’t matter, so whether there’s a joint account or your individual account, if you earned the money that’s in there during the marriage, and you put the money in during the marriage, then that is going to be a marital account. So don’t take money from your investment account that’s from your inheritance and put it into either your account, your spouse’s account or a joint account, because that’s commingling.

Number two, don’t take money from those accounts and put them into your separate property account. That’s also a problem. So basically, what you need to know about all of this, the biggest thing here is don’t commingle everything. Don’t put money from your marital accounts into your separate accounts, and don’t put money from your separate accounts into your marital accounts. If you do that, you’re going to stay safe. You’re not going to have a problem. But if you start to deviate from that rule, then you are going to run into problems.

The other thing is if you do end up separating and divorce, that money that’s your inheritance is not subject to distribution. It’s not subject to equitable distribution in North Carolina. So I’ve seen many people come to me where they’ve already split accounts that they inherited with their spouse, even though they should never have done that, and so that is a big mistake that I see that we can help you to protect against.

Anyway, that’s it for today. Hope this helps you. If you’ve got an inheritance account and you’re trying to figure out how to protect it if you’re going though a separation or divorce in North Carolina, this is how you do it. Or, even if you’re not going through a separation and divorce, and you just want to figure out how to make sure you protect your inheritance so that your spouse doesn’t get it in the event that somewhere down the line you would need to go through a separation and divorce, this is what you need to do. You keep the money in a separate account and you don’t commingle it. That’s how you do it.

That’s it for today. Have a great day folks, and we will be back again next time with another exciting episode. Take care.

The post How to Protect Inherited Assets from Your Spouse in the Event of a Divorce in North Carolina appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

Transcript, “How to File for Divorce in Cary, North Carolina”

Hey there, Jim Hart here from the Hart Law Firm. I am a divorce and family law attorney here in Cary, North Carolina, and today I want to talk to you about how to file for divorce. In North Carolina, the process of filing for divorce is actually fairly simple and straightforward. Basically, all you need to do is you need to be separated for a year, and then you file for divorce. And that’s pretty much it.

It usually takes between two to three months to finish the process, and after that, you’re free to be single and live your life on your own at the point. But, and this is what many people forget, is that even though the process of filing for divorce in North Carolina, and here it’s called an absolute divorce, is a fairly simple process, that doesn’t mean there isn’t a whole lot of stuff that needs to get done between when you separate and 12 months later when you’re ready to file for divorce. There’s actually quite a bit that needs to get done.

So, depending on your situation, you need to make sure you get a custody agreement in place if you have kids. You need to make sure you’ve divided up all your property and assets. That could be retirement accounts, that could be investment accounts, that could be checking and savings accounts. That could be businesses. That could be your house. All that stuff needs to be divided up. If you have debt that needs to be considered, that also needs to be taken care of before you file for divorce. If you need spousal support, or if you’re going to be paying spousal support, that’s something you want to get resolved before you file for divorce in North Carolina.

And the reason why all these things need to be done before you file for divorce 12 months after you’ve separated, is because if maybe your spouse has all the property in their name, and you need to get part of that property, if you don’t properly preserve that claim, if you don’t file for that and make sure that there is a claim pending for equal distribution – or if you need to get some sort of spousal support from your spouse, and they haven’t been paying you for that whole 12 months, and you haven’t preserved that claim, when that divorce goes final, when you have that piece of paper in hand that says you’re divorced, and that gets clocked in by the clerk, if you don’t have those claims pending at that time, you waive them forever.

So, there’s no going back. I have people all the time that call me two or three months after the divorce went final and say, “Hey, I’m still trying to figure out alimony with my spouse. What do I do about that?” Well, at that point, you’re SOL, there’s nothing you can do about that. You’ve waived those rights.

And so that’s one of the really important reasons why people need what’s called a separation agreement. A separation agreement, also called a separation agreement and property settlement, is a document that we draft for clients all the time, and it helps them to basically clarify how all these things are going to shake out in their divorce. Because it sounds simple, I can be on this five minute video here and explain it to you, and it sounds really simple, but these things take time to get through. We have to dig into the financials, we’ve got to figure out what’s going on and what needs to be divided.

And this stuff takes time, and you’ve got to figure it out. Now, if you’re in a really contentious relationship where you have a spouse that’s not willing to work with you, or doesn’t want to engage in the process of trying to get all this stuff negotiated, then you may need a lawyer to help you go through that. And we’re very meticulous about what we do. I pride myself in working with clients to help them negotiate the best possible outcome for themselves. I try and push my clients to try and negotiate, or mediate the case before we go to court, and before things start to get out of hand.

And so those are all great reasons to use a divorce attorney to help you with your case, especially if you’re in North Carolina. Now, other people, they may know exactly how they want to divide all their stuff. They may know exactly how they want to handle the custody aspects, they know what’s going to happen with spousal support, or alimony. And for those people, it’s just a matter of drafting up a separation agreement that’s going to make sure all those things happen the way they want them to happen. And I highly recommend you use an attorney to do that as well.

But that’s basically it, that’s how you file for divorce in North Carolina. You go down to the courthouse, and you basically draft up … you have a complaint for absolute divorce drafted, and you file it. But the biggest thing you need to understand is even though you file for divorce and it still takes a couple of months after that, there’s a process, there are steps you need to go through. But even though you file for divorce, you need to make sure that you’ve resolved all that other stuff. And again, we’re talking about property distribution. We’re talking about spousal support. We’re talking about alimony. Potentially if you need some help paying for attorney’s fees, that’s going to come into play.

You need to have those things resolved before your divorce goes final, otherwise you lose them forever. So, that’s it for today. Hopefully this is a video that’s helpful to you. If you have questions, feel free to contact my office at jameshartlaw.com/contact. I’ll leave a link down in the notes below. Have a great weekend folks, and we’ll see you next time.

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North Carolina Civil Summons

WARNING: This is a legal document. You should not use this document without the assistance of a lawyer. If you have questions, you should contact our office.

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Hey? Jim Hart here. I hope you’re doing well today from The Hart Law Firm. I thought I would do a quick video today this morning. I’m about to head out to a lunch meeting with a marriage counselor and I thought I’d jump on and do a quick video on why I can’t represent two spouses in one divorce. I get a lot of calls from people who are wondering if I can help them and meet with both them and their spouse if they have an uncontested situation. And while I would love to be able to do that, unfortunately the North Carolina Bar ethics rules don’t allow this.

Now, there are some exceptions that will allow us to do that in certain situations. But in general, it’s very rare. And the reason why it’s rare is because if somebody comes to meet with me with their spouse and they both meet with me I could be number one – providing or violating the ethics rules by giving them both legal advice at the same time. And number two – if things break down with them then I can’t represent either one of them in the divorce moving forward and that does happen from time to time unfortunately.

So, what we typically do in those situations, if you’re in an uncontested situation and you’re calling around trying to find an attorney that’s going to meet with you, chances are you’re not going to find an attorney that is going to meet with both you and your spouse.

What we’ll do is I tell the client that’s going to come in to meet with me to bring all the questions that they have including the questions their spouse might have and I can answer all their questions and then they can share that information with their spouse if they so choose. They don’t have to, they’re not required to do that and certainly everything that I talk to my clients about during that initial meeting or assessment is going to be private, but that’s one way to do it. From time to time I would allow our client to tape record that session and so they can go back and share that information with their spouse. I shy away from doing that, but I will do it from time to time in the right situation.

You may have heard of some people going to attorneys where they do meet with an attorney with their spouse. Typically this happens where there is a collaborative situation, in other words, you’ve got people who are interested in doing a collaborative divorce which I’ve got more information on my website about that. And in those situations the lawyer that’s meeting with both spouses is not giving away any legal advice. What they’re actually doing is educating them about the legal process. In other words what does the collaborative process look like? How is it going to work? How are you going to pay for it? What things are going to be discussed? Things like that, but they’re not actually giving any legal advice to the potential client or their spouse.

So, that is one way to do it. I am willing if people who are interested in doing a collaborative divorce may have not resolved everything on their own, I would be willing to meet with them to do that. But typically if somebody wants to come in and they’ve got a bunch of legal questions and they need me to answer them for them or they want me to review a separation agreement they drafted on their own, all those things, it’s gonna need to happen in terms of a, I lost my train of thoughts. That the problem with these live videos you lose your train of thought and it goes out the window.

Anyway that is gonna need to happen during a private divorce assessment and that’s the way we handle that. We do charge for those, we typically do them in one hour increments. And that’s pretty much it. So, that’s why we can’t represent both spouses in divorce. I wish we could represent both spouses especially in uncontested situations, but unfortunately the North Carolina Bar rules just don’t allow it.

So, if you got any questions feel free to reach out. You can visit us at jamesharstlaw.com/contact. Don’t forget to hit the button somewhere below here and subscribe to the videos and hit the little alarm bell so you get notified when we go live next time. Anyway, I appreciate you watching and have a great day folks. See you next time.

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Before you do anything else, if you are going to try to represent yourself in Wake County Family Court, you will need to read and understand the Local Rules. Each county in North Carolina has its own set of local rules in addition to the statewide statutes. If you are not good at following rules and paying attention to detail, then we recommend you contact us to schedule an initial assessment to review your situation or get some coaching on what you need to do to make sure you are following the local rules.

• WAKE-CVD-01 Calendar Request
• WAKE-CVD-02 Motion / Order to Continue
• WAKE-DOM-19 Equitable Distribution Affidavit for Plaintiff/Defendant (Rev. 2/10) (fillable PDF)
• Wake-CIV-02 Affidavit Of Service Of Process (fillable PDF)
• Wake-DOM-01 Notice Of Hearing (Rev. 9/13)
• Wake-DOM-02 Affidavit For Judicial Assignment And Notice Of Hearing (fillable)
• Wake-DOM-04 Calendar Request (Rev. 9/13)
• Wake-DOM-05A Motion For Order To Show Cause (9/13)
• Wake-DOM-05B Order To Appear And Show Cause (Rev. 9/13)
• Wake-DOM-06 Custody Mediation Cover Sheet (Rev. 2/10) (fillable PDF)
• Wake-DOM-07 Order To Attend [ ] Custody/Visitation Orientation [ ] Mediation Session (Rev. 6/13)
• Wake-DOM-09 Scheduling And Discovery Order (Equitable Distribution) (Rev. 9/13)
• Wake-DOM-10 Financial Affidavit Of [ ] Plaintiff [ ] Defendant (Rev. 9/13)
• Wake-DOM-11 Notice Of Financial Information Required (Rev. 9/13)
• Wake-DOM-12 Affidavit (Employer Wage Affidavit) (Rev. 9/13)
• Wake-DOM-13 Employer Information Sheet (Rev. 2/10) (fillable PDF)
• Wake-DOM-17A Certification Of Initial Disclosures (Support) (Rev. 9/13)
• Wake-DOM-17B Certification Of Initial Disclosures (Equitable Distribution) (Rev. 9/13)
• Wake-DOM-18 Initial Pretrial Order (Equitable Distribution) (Rev. 2/10) (fillable PDF)
• Wake-DOM-20A Motion To Continue (Rev. 2/10) (fillable PDF)
• Wake-DOM-20B Objection To Motion To Continue (Rev. 2/10) (fillable PDF)
• Wake-DOM-22 Submission Cover Sheet (Rev. 10/16) (fillable PDF)
• Wake-DOM-23 Notice Of Divorce Hearing (Rev. 3/17)

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Office Address: 1220 SE Maynard Road, #202

City: Cary

Phone Number: (919) 415-0454

Degrees: Bachelors in Psychology; Masters in Social Work

Insurance Accepted: Varies

Areas of Expertise: 

• Anxiety
• Depression
• Adjustment Disorders
• Relationship Difficulties
• Divorce
• Infidelity
• Infertility
• New Moms
• Parenting Training & Support
• Behavior Problems
• Grief Counseling
• Career & Work Issues

Professional Organizations/Affiliations: Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapy, Member

Background Information: Michele is originally from Louisiana and attended undergrad at Louisiana State University. She received her masters from Tulane University. She relocated to North Carolina 11 years ago with her husband and triplet daughters.

Website: https://www.michelesallean.com

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Name of Practice: Kelley Counseling and Wellness

Office Address: 1145 Executive Circle, Suite D

City: Cary, North Carolina

Phone Number: (919) 249-5423

Degree(s): PhD, MA, BA

Insurance Accepted: 

• Blue Cross and Blue Shield
• EAP
• HSA
• ​Humana
• Optum
• TRICARE
• CIGNA
• United Health
• Out of Network
• AETNA

Areas of Expertise: 

• Art Therapy and Counseling
• Individual, couples and family counseling
• Works with adolescents and teens, their families and adults with mental health and substance abuse diagnosis, LGBTQ issues, anxiety, personality disorders, depression, PTSD, obsessive behaviors and disorders,  mood disorders, personality disorders, and eating disorders. Also works with individuals to manage anger management issues, marital stress or divorce issues, and transitional life stress stressors.

Background Information: Dr. Kelley counsels teens, adults, couples and families at her private practice. She has conducted research on the effects of exercise on ADHD symptoms, she is a trained hypno-therapist, art therapist, EMDR therapist, as well as a Certified Yoga teacher integrating therapeutic yoga and psychotherapy, to help people heal the issues in their tissues. She is a presenter and writer in the “science-help” field focusing on adult ADHD, and the integration of Art Therapy in counseling and assessment. She is a guest podcast host for High Heels and Heart Ache a podcast focusing on women’s issues and coping with the trauma of unhealthy relationships. She is also currently part of the Traumatic Stress Research Consortium at the Kinsey Institute.

Websites: http://www.kelley-counseling.com/
https://insighttimer.com/kelleycounseling

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/KelleyCounselingNC

Twitter: https://twitter.com/KelleyCounselor

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This isn’t the way to tell your spouse you want a divorce. There are better, and more effective ways that won’t have you crawling back the next day asking for forgiveness.

Here are some of the tips that you may want to consider when informing your husband or wife that you would like to seek a legal separation.

Don’t Be Mean

This piece of advice can’t be overstated. It is important that you NOT tell your spouse while in the middle of a heated argument. This needs to be something that is discussed when you are both in a calm state of mind. Don’t be mean about it – it will only lead to another argument and more fighting.

It is very possible that by the time you have decided to end your marriage it is a mutual decision. Both you and your spouse may understand that this is the inevitable conclusion and you have decided to stay together “for the kids”. This will make it easier – but not easy.

Find the Right Words

Think long and hard about how you want to tell your spouse and the words you will use to do it. If you are not open to trying anything to save the marriage, don’t give them false hope and tell them that you are.

This is an incredibly important conversation, and the way you handle this could have a lasting impact on how easy or difficult it will be to negotiate a legal separation.

If you are kind and understanding and listen to how they respond, it will make the legal process easier. But if you are cold and mean and tell them that you are going to leave them destitute… well you can imagine what that might do.

Here are some phrases you may want to consider:

“I haven’t been happy for a long time.”

“We need to put the children first during this process.”

“I will always love you, but this isn’t working for me anymore.”

“I realize this is difficult for you, but we need to separate so that I can work through some things.”

“We will both be happier in the long run.”

Whatever you do, do NOT blame your spouse for the divorce. Make this decision about you and your feelings.

Timing is Everything

There is never a good time to tell your spouse you want a separation or divorce. But there are better times and worse times.

First thing in the morning when you are getting the kids ready for school is a “bad time”, as is late in the evening when you are both tired after a long day.

The ideal time will be when the kids aren’t around and you have some quiet time to talk calmly and freely, without distraction. Many of our clients decide that they would like to have this discussion in the presence of a marriage counselor or family therapist. Others send their kids to the grandparents house for the weekend so that they can hash things out.

In most situations, this is not a short conversation. This is a conversation that may span over several hours or even days. Consider very carefully the timing when planning out when you want to break the news.

Don’t Beat Around the Bush

It’s not fair to you or to your spouse if you don’t get to the point. If you are ready to move on, you need to tell your spouse and be honest with him or her. You need to “rip off the bandaid” and get it out there.

It’s the right thing to do, and the fair thing to do. Nobody wants to be stuck in a marriage where they don’t feel loved and connected to their spouse. And if your relationship has found it’s way to a dark place with no hope of return, then you need to be honest with your spouse and tell them.

Choose a Safe Spot

If you are nervous that your spouse may lash out or become violent with you, or if there is a history of domestic violence in your marriage, then you may want to seek professional help to break the news.

No matter what, don’t put yourself in a dangerous position just to make the other spouse feel better. And if there is domestic violence that is causing you to leave, don’t wait to tell them – get out now and file a domestic violence protective order.

Be Prepared

You never know for sure how your spouse is going to react to the news that you want to leave. But after several years of marriage, hopefully you have a small inclination of what they might say or do. You need to prepare yourself for the worst – and hope for the best.

As divorce lawyers in Cary, North Carolina, we work with residents of the Triangle who are seeking to end their marriage in a civil and collaborative way. Many clients have engaged us to assist with pre-separation planning to help them plan out what they should do before they tell their spouse they want a legal separation.

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Practice Name:

Gottman Method Couples Therapy is my primary method of treating marital issues, which is the most research based and in my opinion the best available. I also use a DBT approach for tough family conflicts. Family life is tough and doubly complicated when mental illness is present in family members. I treat most DSM disorders (e.g., depression, anxiety, PTSD, abuse) in individuals and within the family context. Marital problems? Even if your partner won’t come to counseling you should come by yourself because we can still create significant positive change. I have had much success helping couples, parents, and frustrated teens.

Office Address:
Hall Family Therapy
1140 Kildaire Farm Road
Suite 206 Room 5
Cary, NC 27511

Office #A 21 Hillsboro Street
Pittsboro, NC 27312

Phone Number:
(919) 444-3226 Phone or Text

Degrees:
Brigham Young University, Provo, UT
Doctorate in Marriage and Family Therapy
University of Southern Mississippi, Hattiesburg, MS
MS in Marriage and Family Therapy
Brigham Young University, Provo, UT
BS in Marriage, Family and Human Development

Area of Expertise:
Individual, couple or family therapy
Gottman Method Couples Therapy
Divorce and separation issues
Communication strategies
Infidelity
Financial Stress & Debt
Military Family and Deployment
Domestic Violence and Intimate Partner Violence
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and TBI
trained in EMDR and Prolonged Exposure
Heart Math for Anxiety, Depression, Anger, & Stress
Alpha Stim (Anxiety, insomnia, and depression; pain management)
Pornography/Sex Addiction
Sex therapy
Parent-Child Problems
Depression and anxiety
Substance Addictions
Domestic Violence/Intimate Partner Violence
Tension Myositis Syndrom (TMS) and other chronic pains (e.g., back pain, tendonitis, carpal tunnel syndrome)
Serious Mental Illness (i.e., schizophrenia, bipolar, major depression, OCD, anxiety)
Childhood Disorders

Professional Organizations/Affiliations:
American Association for Marriage and Family Therapists
California Association for Marriage and Family Therapists

Insurance:
Hall Family Therapy is currently credentialed with Blue Cross Blue Shield insurance (not BCBS local or BCBS value) but will accept any insurance as out-of-network. Payment plans can be arranged.

Background Information:
Dr. Hall has worked with marriages and families in a variety of settings since 2003 when he saw his first family at the University of Southern Mississippi Counseling Center and interned at a substance abuse treatment center. After spending several year working in a community mental health center treating schizophrenia, major depression, and bipolar disorder, he left to start his doctorate at Brigham Young University and worked for several years at LDS Family Services counseling couples and families. Dr. Hall spent four years working on a Marine base in Twenty-nine Palms California helping military families, before settling in North Carolina and starting Hall Family Therapy and teaching at Pfeiffer University’s Master’s level MFT program for 3 years. .

With training in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and Prolonged Exposure (PE), Dr. Hall is qualified and experienced in working with Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). His clinical experience includes work in the Navy hospital Deployment Health Clinic in 29 Palms California, and a Family Advocacy Clinic on the Marine Corp base handling cases of domestic violence. Dr. Hall has has also completed Levels 1,2, & 3 Training in Gottman Method Couples Therapy and uses Gottman Method Couples Therapy in session.

Website:
www.HallFamilyTherapy.com

Social Media:
www.facebook.com/HallFamilyTherapy/

Twitter:
@DoctorStanHall

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Name of Practice:

Whether you are looking to deepen your relationship with your partner or move past patterns that no longer serve you, together we can explore possibilities and solidify a new way of being that brings connection, joy and excitement for the future.

I am here to support, guide, and challenge you to create the change you want. Sharing your story in a safe space with someone you trust facilitates the natural healing process, allowing you to reengage in life, and build healthy, meaningful relationships.

Office Address:
1513 Walnut Street, #215
Cary, NC 27511

Telephone:
(919) 999-3090

Degrees:
BS University of Florida
MS University of Florida
MA South University Columbia, Professional Counseling

Insurance:
I am an out of network provider. I can provide you with a diagnostic receipt of services (i.e. a superbill) that you can submit to your insurance provider for reimbursement depending on your plan. This means that you’re responsible for payment at the time of your appointment.

Area of Expertise:
As a couples and marriage counselor, my goal is to help you discover these patterns that are no longer serving you, and move from a place of defensiveness and blaming to a one of love and trust. Together we can identify your patterns and explore the feelings beneath the anger and resentment. We will move to a place of safety where each of you can express your fears and longings, and respond to each other with love and understanding.

I practice Emotionally-Focused Therapy for couples, or just EFT. For me, one of the most exciting things about EFT is that research tells us that the initial distress level of a couple at the beginning of counseling is NOT a predictor of success! Oftentimes, that distress is a signal that each partner does truly care, it’s just not being communicated in a productive way. Predictors of success are the desire of both of you to want to save the marriage, and your willingness to wholly participate in our therapy sessions, not just go through the motions.

I am passionate about EFT simply because it works. In our sessions together, we don’t spend time rehashing details of every fight and all the events of the previous week. We focus on what’s important: your fears of losing your spouse, ways in which you feel your needs don’t matter, all the ways you try to satisfy your partner but somehow it’s never good enough, or how angry you feel when your spouse withdraws and isn’t there for you. And of course, in the case of infidelity, we work through the broken trust, the betrayal and pain. We engage together to find new understanding, new hope and begin to pave a path of trust.

Certified EMDR trauma therapist
Emotionally-Focused Couples Therapist
Certified Expressive Arts Therapist
Certified Prepare Enrich Couples Facilitator

Professional Organizations/Affiliations:
American Mental Health Counselors Association (AMHCA)
American Counseling Association (ACA)
International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT)
EMDR International Association (EMDRIA)

Background Information:
My journey to the counseling field was a winding road. For ten years I worked in the software industry and although I found success and rewarding challenges there, I knew that my heart was not in it. Being the empathic and sensitive person that I am, I knew that I wanted to use these gifts to help others. I had also been through a long healing process of my own during which I discovered the power of therapy and the therapeutic relationship. This transformation wasn’t easy. Like so many of us, I was conditioned to believe that I should follow a certain path even if it didn’t bring me joy. I knew that following my heart was my way to freedom. It’s because of this that I especially love working with clients who want to discover and use their unique gifts but need some support to get there.

Website:
www.sandersoncounseling.com

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Name of Practice:
Christian Counseling Associates

Christian Counseling Associates of Raleigh is committed to helping individuals, marriages, and families get their relationships back on track. We approach our counseling from a strong Christian perspective. Our specialty is working with distressed adults and couples who are hurting and ready for change. Our approach is balanced with tender care and clear strategies to help our clients get unstuck, repair their past, and move forward in their lives and relationships.

Office Address:
809 Spring Forest Road, Suite 1000
Raleigh, NC 27609

Phone Number:
(919) 260-5830

Degree(s):
Ph.D. in Counseling from Trinity Seminary
Doctorate in Biblical Studies from Master’s International School of Divinity
Masters Degree from Columbia International University

Insurance Accepted:
Insurance will usually reimburse a major portion of the counseling fee. Dr. Mike’s fee is $130/per hourly session ($230/two hour session). Mike asks his clients to pay the full fee at the end of each session and they will provide you with a medical receipt to take home to submit for reimbursement.

Areas of Expertise:
We offer regularly scheduled counseling appointments, couples intensives, and other related marriage-counseling services, all delivered from a Christian point of view.

Professional Organizations/Affiliations:
Dr. Mike’s professional affiliations include the North Carolina Board of Licensed Professional Counselors, the American Association of Christian Counselors, the AACC Marriage & Family Network and the AACC Biblical Counseling & Spiritual Formation Membership. Licensed Professional Counselor, North Carolina Board of Licensed Professional Counselors

Background Information:
Dr. Mike has an extensive background as a therapist, lecturer, author, professor, Bible expositor and pastor. Prior to making the decision to make his growing counseling practice a full-time vocation, Dr. Mike balanced the practice and the job of a full-time pastor. Until Summer 2014 Dr. Mike was the Teaching, Care & Counseling Pastor at Crossroads Fellowship, a vibrant Raleigh church with over 10,000 members (where he is now Pastor Emeritus).

Dr. Mike holds doctorates in Counseling and in Biblical Counseling and has authored several marriage & parenting training programs. Many small groups and churches have used Dr. Mike’s materials with great effectiveness.

Website:
www.ChristianCounselingofRaleigh.com

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The Type of Asset You Are Dividing is Important

The post How to Divide Up Property During a Divorce In North Carolina appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

Since we first opened our law practice back in 2005, our primary goal has always been to develop close and personal relationships with all of our clients.

During the past few years, our practice has seen a lot of growth, and as such, we have had to turn many clients away and raise our fees accordingly.

But something about this approach never felt right to me. I’ve always enjoyed helping people who need the most help… people who are victims and being held captive in their marriage. Unfortunately, it is often these very people who can least afford our services.

At The Hart Law Firm, we want to make legal services more accessible to the public, and help more people as opposed to restricting access to our firm. Unbundled legal services will allow us to do that.

James Hart, Founding Attorney

That is soon going to change.

In the coming months, there are going to be major changes to the way we help our clients. Instead of requiring every client to pay a hefty minimum fee to retain our firm (typically between $5,000 and $10,000), we will be offering unbundled or limited scope legal services for our family law clients.

Fees for this service will typically start around $500-$2,500.

In the sections that follow, I will touch briefly on what unbundled legal services are, how you can save money by hiring an unbundled family law attorney, and whether or not your case is appropriate for unbundled legal services.

What are Unbundled Legal Services?

Before I tell you what unbundled legal services are, let me tell you what they aren’t. Unbundled legal services are NOT the same as “full service representation”. Full service representation is the traditional business model for many attorneys where a client hires the firm to serve as their lawyer, pays a large fee, and then the lawyer handles all aspects of the case.

Unbundled legal services (also known as limited scope representation) is the opposite of full service representation.

The best definition I could find for unbundled legal services comes directly from Wikipedia, which describes them as “a method of legal representation in the United States in which an attorney and client agree to limit the scope of the attorney’s involvement in a lawsuit or other legal action, leaving responsibility for those other aspects of the case to the client in order to save the client money.”

And this is basically the perfect definition. When you hire an unbundled family lawyer, you are limiting the amount of work that lawyer will do for you, and you are responsible for everything else.

What Types of Unbundled Legal Services can a Family Law Firm provide?

A family law firm is in a great position to offer unbundled services. Some of the services that The Hart Law Firm provides include:

• Initial Divorce Consultation
• Drafting Custody Lawsuits
• Family Law Legal Coaching
• Drafting lawsuit responses
• Attendance at hearings
• Assistance preparing or responding to discovery
• Drafting separation agreements
• Sending legal letters on your behalf

Basically, we can provide the “legal muscle” you need on a limited scope so that you can handle everything else.

How Can You Save Money with Unbundled Family Law Services?

When you hire a family law attorney for unbundled or limited scope representation, you are hiring the lawyer to do a discrete task that you, as a layperson, cannot do.

Typically the activities that we are asked to do are services that only a lawyer can do, or at the very least is best positioned to do.

A good example of this is writing a letter on behalf of a client. A family lawyer is trained to identify the strengths and weaknesses of your case from a legal standpoint. When we write a letter on your behalf, we can do so in a way that is persuasive and more likely to get a result than if you draft a letter on your own. For a variety of reasons, many lawyers will very rarely talk to opposing parties that do not have a lawyer. If you hire us to draft a letter on your behalf, the letter will frequently have more “pull” than if you drafted the letter yourself.

In addition, whenever we draft a letter for a client to another lawyer, we will follow that letter up with a phone call to the other lawyer. By simply talking to the lawyer for your spouse, we can often the issues that are really driving the conflict in your case and help guide you in a way that is most likely to lead to a settlement.

These are things that you are unable to do if you represent yourself. Abraham Lincoln once said, “if you represent yourself, you have a fool for a client.” And this couldn’t be more true in situations where you are attempting to communicate with a lawyer who represents your spouse.

What is Unbundled Family Law Coaching?

One of the unbundled services we provide to family law clients is divorce coaching. The purposed of this service is to help you negotiate a proper and fair resolution to your case. As a practicing family lawyer for over 13 years, I’ve seen the good, the bad, and the ugly in family law cases. I’ve been in front of all the judges in Wake County. I have a pretty good feel for how a case will resolve if you end up in court.

With divorce coaching, I can use my experience as a family lawyer to help you reach a resolution that is fair and reasonable to you. When I see an offer from another attorney or a pro se spouse, I can quickly identify the possible issues and whether or not your spouse is being reasonable.

Whether your spouse is or isn’t being reasonable, I can coach you about how to properly negotiate your case, and if you can’t reach a resolution, we can discuss the things you need to do to properly prepare your case for a hearing or trial.

Should You Use and Unbundled Attorney for Your Family Law Case?

Not every case is a good fit for unbundled services. Some cases have too many issues, are too emotional, or there is too much money at stake for you to not have a full service lawyer representing you. In those cases, the $20,000 to $30,000 you may pay on legal fees is a good investment because attempting to represent yourself could cost you significantly more than that.

However, in cases where the issues are simple, or you would rather not pay $5,000 to $10,000 in up front legal fees, then unbundled services may be a good fit.

If you have any questions, or would like to talk to a lawyer about how you may benefit from unbundled family law help, then you can give us a call at (919) 883-4861 or fill our our contact form and schedule a time to talk to us that is convenient for you.

The post Introducing Unbundled Legal Services for Family Law Clients appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

So yes, most family law attorneys will charge for an initial meeting, but the cost of the consultation will vary, as will the time that someone from the law office will spend with you (it’s not always a lawyer you will meet with).

Attorneys, and divorce lawyers in particular, typically bill in one of two ways. They either charge an hourly rate or a flat fee. At The Hart Law Firm, we have always charged a flat fee for our initial divorce assessment. We do this because you come to us scared and nervous about the process. The last thing we want to do is make you even more nervous that if you try to ask “one more question” that it will cost you a substantial sum of money. We have found over the years that our clients are more relaxed and able to talk freely about their questions and concerns if they know how much the assessment will cost them up front.

From time to time, we will get calls from people who are shocked that lawyers would dare charge for an initial assessment. This, quite frankly, is a bit surprising. When was the last time you went to see your doctor for them to spend an hour answering all your questions and they gave you that time for free? It doesn’t happen.

Just this past week I went to see my doctor, met with the PA for about 5 minutes, and received a $138 bill. If you think about it in those terms, paying a couple hundred dollars to talk with a divorce lawyer for an hour about complex issues that will shape your life for the next 10-15 years is a bargain.

At The Hart Law Firm, we believe that the initial divorce assessment is one of the most important meetings you can have with your lawyer. During this initial meeting, the attorney will listen to the facts of your case, discuss the relevant legal issues with you, and strategize with you on how best to achieve your goals. We will offer both legal and practical advice. Our main goal of these meetings is to educate and inform our clients about the divorce process so that you can make the best decisions for your case. We realize that family law is not a one size fits all type of practice. The initial divorce assessment gives you a chance to gain insight into your case and determine if our firm would a good fit for you.

We will also take the time to explain the next steps of the process and provide you with a quote for moving forward with the case.

Call us at (919) 883-4861 to schedule your one-on-one initial divorce assessment with a family law attorney in our office.

“I Know What I Need to Do, So Can’t You Just Give me a Quote Over the Phone?”

If I had a nickel every time someone told me this…

We realize that it may seem obvious to you what you need, but divorce cases are highly fact specific and it’s possible that there may be options available to you that you wouldn’t even know to ask about until you have met with a lawyer.

We have learned from 13 years of experience that our divorce assessment provides the most value to you as a client and gives us all the information we need to provide you with proper advice and know whether or not we can even help you in your situation. (FYI, not every prospective client needs a lawyer, and the only way to find this out is through the initial divorce assessment).

If we were to give you advice over the phone without knowing all of the facts of your case, we not only are setting you up to fail, but are also exposing our office to potential liability. For that reason, you must be wary of law firms that are willing to give you advice over the phone. It’s possible in those situations that you aren’t even speaking with an attorney – and if you are, the attorney should know better.

Paralegals, legal assistants, receptionists, and other non-lawyer employees are not allowed to give legal advice. They haven’t been to law school, they haven’t taken a bar exam, and while their intentions may be noble, it is more likely that their advice will steer you into an unforseen trap that will cost you a substantial sum of money to get out of.

“But Can’t I Just Google This Information?”

While it is true that you can find a lot of great information by doing research on Google and other search engines, Google doesn’t know the facts of your case (yet) and it is impossible for you to substitute the advice of a real live attorney with what you find online.

The information you find online is generic and many times unrelated to what is going on in your case. In North Carolina, we have family law statutes that have been enacted by our state government. These laws are different from the laws in every other state. In addition, we have what is called case-law that interprets and reviews those laws according to a specific factual scenario.

As lawyers, we are trained to look at the facts of your case and apply those facts to the statutes and case-law as they are currently written. Google just can’t do that.

Not only that, but if you end up in a courtroom, I’m pretty sure that Google won’t be there to argue your case for you.

“But If I Don’t Hire You, Won’t I Be Wasting My Money?”

We totally understand that it is nerve-wracking to spend several hundred dollars on an initial assessment, just to decide not to move forward. However, our experience has been that many clients find that the initial divorce assessment was one of the most valuable meetings they can have with a lawyer.

Not only that, but we are frequently told that the information and time we provide during this meeting goes above and beyond anything that the prospective client has received from other lawyers they have met with.

During the initial assessment, we will give you legal advice that is relevant to your particular case and we will help you to create a strategy and roadmap for how to obtain the best outcome in your case. In addition, we may offer you advice or legal solutions that you didn’t even know were possible.

Our goal to make the initial assessment an extremely valuable experience, even if you don’t hire us right away. We want you to come away with information and resources that will help put your mind at ease and understand what the next steps in your case will be.

The initial consultation fee is a $350.00 flat rate. We can conduct this assessment in person at our office, over the phone, or via Zoom. We frequently represent people living out-of-state and overseas. If you decide that we aren’t the best fit for you, we can offer you a list of referral sources that may be able to help you.

Before you move out of your house, move your children to another city or state, move money out of your accounts, or take any other important steps, we highly recommend that you consult with a divorce lawyer. This could be the most important meeting you will have. The decisions you make now will have lasting impacts on your case. In family law, your case is your life. Call our office today (919) 883-4861 to schedule an initial divorce assessment with an attorney and get the information you need to make the important decisions about the next phase of your life.

UPDATE: As of September 2018, we now provide you with two options for an initial divorce assessment. You can either pay $250 for a one-hour meeting, or $350 to meet with with us as long as necessary to answer all of your questions.

The post Should You Pay a Lawyer for an Initial Family Law Consultation? appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

This is a completely valid question and we try to be as open and honest as we can with our clients about the benefits and drawbacks of engaging a lawyer to assist with elder law needs. But before we get into those needs, it’s really important for people to have a full understanding of what an elder law attorney does and how we differ from your traditional estate planning attorney.

What Does an Elder Law Attorney Do?

Many elder law attorneys will help their clients with estate planning issues, but many estate planning attorneys will NOT get into the weeds with an elder law client. And the reason for this is simple.

Elder law is a complex and ever-changing area of the law that most estate planning practitioners do not feel comfortable getting into. It’s just too complicated and there are too many minefields that could blow up in your face if you don’t know what you are doing.

Primarily, an elder law attorney will counsel and advocate on behalf of senior citizens, people with special needs, and their families. Here are just a few of the things an elder law attorney can do for you:

• Preserve and reallocate assets in a way that will allow someone entering a skilled nursing facility to qualify for long-term care benefits without “spending down” all of their money
• Processing Medicaid applications and appeals
• Drafting and providing advice and guidance on “enhanced” powers of attorney that provide additional protections that are unique to senior citizens
• Assisting otherwise healthy clients with proactive asset protection strategies in the event that long-term care is needed in the future
• Advising clients on various disability planning strategies, including the effective use of durable powers of attorney, living trusts, “living wills” for health care decisions, and other ways to delegate the management of financial assets and health related decision-making authority to others in the case of incapacity
• Applying for an adult guardianship when required
• General estate planning, including using wills, trusts and other estate planning tools to plan for the management of one’s estate during their life and its disposition upon passing
• Probate and administration of estates
• Administration and management of trusts
• Assisting with long-term care placements in nursing home and assisted living communities
• Helping with nursing home care issues, including questions of patients’ rights and nursing home quality
• Elder nursing home abuse and fraud recovery cases

It goes without saying that this is a broad spectrum of cases, and not every attorney will handle all of the matters listed above. So before you call an elder law attorney, make sure you are clear about what you are looking to do so that you can ask them whether they can help you with your specific need. If you aren’t quite sure what you need, then it is ok to call and ask a lot of questions.

However, be aware that busy attorneys are just that… they are busy. You are unlikely to get an attorney on the phone with most firms. At The Hart Law Firm, we make it easy for you to schedule a quick phone conference with an attorney by clicking here.

But keep in mind that this phone call is not intended to answer all your questions – it is intended to allow both us and you to find out whether we can help you and if so, to invite you to take the next step with our office. This is typically an initial meet and greet meeting to talk more in-depth about what you are looking to do.

Generally speaking, we help seniors to protect everything they have spent a lifetime to build from the rising costs of long-term care through effective and proactive asset protection planning.

Why Should You Hire an Elder Law Attorney?

Here are several reasons that we have found that people will hire an elder law attorney:

1. Primarily, they need an attorney who focuses their practice on the unique needs of the elderly population, and they realize they won’t get this from talking to a typical estate planning attorney.
2. They have a spouse or parent that is entering a skilled nursing facility and they need help to legally protect that person’s assets from the rising cost of long-term care (which can easily approach $10,000 per month, depending on the location and the facility).
3. They have a spouse or parent that is already a resident of a skilled nursing facility and has been paying the cost of care out of their private funds for a period of time. They recently realized that they don’t need to do that and they need help to re-organize assets to help the applicant resident to qualify for Medicaid.
4. They are an aging couple who want to proactively plan for the possibility that one or both of them will need long-term care in the future.
5. They are a newly retired couple who have lived their entire life without an estate plan in place and realize that they need to plan for the unexpected.
6. They have a family member that needs an adult guardianship put in place because their now incapacitated parent or spouse never executed any estate planning documentation, including a power of attorney.

Do You Need to Talk to an Elder Law Attorney?

Here at The Hart Law Firm, we help the elderly to protect everything they have spent a lifetime to build. If you need to speak with an elder law attorney about your personal situation, or to assist you in relation to a family member or friend that may need help, please call our office at (919) 883-4861 or use our online contact form to schedule a time to talk.

The post Why Should You Hire an Elder Law Attorney? appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

Unless you are living in a bunker somewhere, you probably know that there is a tax bill making its way through Congress as I write this. Earlier this weekend, Congress released the final version of the bill that will be voted on this week.

The current version will nearly double the standard deduction to approximately $12,000 for individuals (and $24,000 for couples).

Sounds great, right?

Not necessarily.

The result? Many people will no longer need to itemize their deductions and a much higher segment of the US population will be taking the standard deduction.

However, as an added kicker, the deduction for state and local income and property taxes is limited to $10,000.

By combining the higher standard deduction with the cap on state and local taxes, more people will be less inclined to donate cash to charity (assuming their primary purpose is to receive a tax deduction – an assumption that I don’t necessarily agree with).

So if you read between the lines here, you will see that charitable giving is expected to drop significantly in 2018.

Here is a quick example to show you what I mean and how the current tax bill would affect a typical married couple. In this example, our typical family makes approximately $125,000 per year. In 2017, their standard deduction is $12,700. They pay $8,125 in state income taxes, property taxes of $3,000, and gave $4,000 to charity. They also had mortgage interest of approximately $11,000.

Under current tax rules, they could itemize all of these expenses and write-off $26,125 on their tax return. Assuming they are in the 25% marginal tax bracket, they would pay $1,000 less in taxes for their charitable contribution.

But what about next year? Let’s assume that their facts are exactly the same, except they are operating under a new set of tax rules that limit the state and local income and property tax deduction, but increases their standard deduction to $24,000. Since they can only deduct $10,000 of their state and local taxes, they can only itemize $21,000, not including their charitable contributions.

To make their charitable deduction matter, they would need to give at least $3,000 before they could receive the benefit of itemizing on their tax return.

The obvious outcome here is that our typical family would no longer itemize, and therefore will not give large cash donations to charity.

So what should you do to plan for this?

If you typically give a large amount of cash to charity each year, you may want to consider setting up a donor-advised fund in 2017 and front-load your charitable giving. You would still benefit from the charitable deduction this year but could manage the investments in the fund and direct where the donations will go in future years.

My Thoughts on Charitable Giving

Personally, as I referenced above, I don’t think people will stop giving completely. I have a garage full of stuff that we still need to take to charity before the end of the year. People won’t stop giving away their “stuff”, but I do think that cash donations will be more difficult to come by.

The real losers in this tax plan are the small charities that do great work and who depend on small cash contributions from individual donors each year – people who will no longer be able to deduct those contributions in future years because of the higher standard deduction and the cap on state and local property and income taxes.

Additional Resources on the Tax Plan

Here are some additional resources for you to review as you try to learn more about how this tax plan will affect you and your family.

The Tradeoffs of the Tax Reform Bill

What’s in the Final Tax Plan

And if you really want some light reading, here is the summary of the bill released by the Congressional Conference Committee.

The post Why You Should Donate More to Charity Before the End of 2017 appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

If I had to bet, I suspect you’ve spent at least a little bit of time reading the news stories about these issues lately.

And that is completely natural.

As human’s, we want to know what is going on in the world around us.

But that’s not all… We want to know how these events might affect us.

We want to know what we should be doing right now to protect ourselves, protect our families, or minimize the potential impact of these possible world events.

In a word… we want to plan.

We are always planning.

We plan out our meals for the week.

We plan our work schedules.

We plan out how we are going to get the kids to bed on time.

And we certainly will plan how to protect ourselves in the event of a nuclear war or if a new tax bill is passed into law.

Why do we plan?

Because we believe that these events will happen in the near future.

We believe that if we don’t plan then our families, our children, or ourselves could be hurt in some way.

Which begs the question, why haven’t you prepared an estate plan? Or if you have, when was the last time you took another look at it to make sure it was up to date?

I’ll tell you why. It’s because you believe you are invincible.

You believe you will live forever.

You are invincible, or so you would believe.

And because of this belief, you don’t need to plan because you have nothing to plan for.

These other things – what food you will eat this week, what you will do at work, and how the tax bill might effect you in 2018… those things are real.

They are happening now. You MUST plan or risk an immediate and real pain.

But I have news for you…

You aren’t going to live forever. You are NOT invincible.

Someday in the future, you will come face to face with your own mortality.

We don’t know where. We don’t know when. But we do know that this is inevitable.

So let me ask you again, why haven’t you prepared an estate plan yet?

The post You are NOT Invincible… appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

Here is a quick video I did today to talk more about why I love Thanksgiving, and why the planning that we do to prepare for this holiday makes it flow so smoothly.

For those of you that would rather read, here is the full transcript!

Why I Love Thanksgiving…

Hey everyone. Jim Hart here, and today I want to talk about this wonderful holiday we have tomorrow called Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. It’s a great time to get together with family and friends and loved ones, and spend time together, and maybe enjoy a few beverages if that’s what you like to do… But you also get to see the kids, see the cousins, and see everyone else that you haven’t seen since probably, if you live far away, maybe it’s been Labor Day, maybe it’s been from last summer that you’ve seen these people.

Thanksgiving is a time to give thanks and to be grateful for what we have, and be grateful that we live in this wonderful country, and be grateful for the fact that we can sit down and have this meal together with one another. It’s really just a wonderful time to bond together, as a family unit, and if you’re not with family, maybe you’re with friends, and everyone has their own different shapes and sizes to what they do for this holiday.

Planning is What Makes Thanksgiving Great

But in the United States, it’s really a wonderful time. Like I said, it’s been one of my favorite holidays since I was a kid. One of the reasons we can enjoy this holiday so well is that we’ve prepared for it. We’ve taken the time off work, we’ve taken our kids out of school, we’ve been to the store, we’ve bought the groceries, we get up early to start cooking. In the case of my family, we go to Café Parizade in Durham, where we’re able to eat with family and friends there because we thought ahead to buy the tickets to that event many weeks ago.

We’ve thought about all these things before the day actually comes. So whether it’s how we’re going to get to the gathering, to what kind of wine we’re going to drink with dinner, to what type of whipped cream we’re going to put on the pie, we’ve planned ahead to make this a great day. We’ve done all these things, we’ve prepared for every last detail of this wonderful holiday event.

I guess that’s really the message I have for you today, is that sometimes it takes a little planning to make these things go smoothly, and estate planning is really no different. So, it’s really important to plan ahead for what could happen if something happens to you or a loved one, or a child or something. That’s what estate planning is all about. It’s about making all these plans in advance so that when something does happen, you can enjoy these moments in life like Thanksgiving, and other holidays, and time with family, and not worry about what’s going to happen.

You Plan for the Holidays… Why Not Plan for Life?

The estate planning process is about making sure that things happen as you want them to, instead of something haphazard or something that the court decides. You know, there was a quote one time that said, “Failing to plan is planning to fail.”

There are countless issues and circumstances that can come up if you fail to plan, and some of them are, just to name a few, people who are entering end of life situations, who maybe don’t have that much longer to live, or maybe they’re going to be going into a nursing home in the next few years.

It’s important to do some proactive planning to protect assets and make sure everything happens smoothly so that your family is not left holding the burden of what’s going to happen to you when something like that happens. If you fail to plan, basically if you get in a situation where number one, you could lose all your assets very easily, everything that you’ve worked so hard over a lifetime to build could be gone.

And that’s not necessarily saying that you wanted to leave something to children, or to your heirs, or things like that. Maybe you’re very charitable, you want to leave things to a charity. Everything you worked so hard for will be gone. In addition, you may need money for yourself.

There may be things that your health insurance will not pay for when you get to that situation, and if you don’t plan appropriately, you’re not going to have anything left to provide for those necessities, those medical necessities that come up. Perhaps you need a caregiver to come to the home to help you. Well, that costs money and if you don’t have a family member that’s available for that, you need to plan for ways that you can pay for that.

Perhaps you get to a point where you can no longer make decisions on your own. Have you planned in advance who is going to make your healthcare decisions for you? Who is going to make your end of life decisions for you? Who’s going to make your financial decisions for you? Who do you trust to do that? If you don’t plan, you’re not going to have that person in place to handle those decisions when the time comes.

If you haven’t prepared a proper power of attorney, if you haven’t decided who is going to be able to make all these decisions and do other estate planning on your behalf, then it’s possible that your family members may need to go through a lengthy and costly court process called “Guardianship,” to make sure that you are taken care of and that somebody is in place to handle these affairs.

I think the last thing to think about, when you fail to plan, is that if we talk about tomorrow being Thanksgiving, and wrapping this all up, you imagine you’re going to have a fairly smooth, wonderful day with all your family members, everyone potentially getting along, hopefully, and everything going smoothly.

What Would Thanksgiving Look Like if You FAIL to Plan?

If you fail to plan, it can cause discord between family members. It can cause infighting among family members, over what your intentions may or may not have been. One of the most important things that you can do when you put this plan in place, is you really are setting up your family to have a smooth transition to these end of life issues. That’s kind of the most important thing I can leave you with today.

I understand, planning ahead is not easy, but it’s important. It’s something you need to do.

If you have any questions, we’ve got some seminars coming up to talk about these issues. We’d be more than happy to see you at one of those. This is Jim Hart, I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Thank you so much, and have a great holiday weekend, folks. Take care.

The post The Importance of Planning this Holiday Season appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

On Friday, the first round of indictments were handed out in the Russia Investigation and arrests could come as early as today.

And while we don’t yet know who the indictments are for, and who may be arrested, we do know one thing… estate planning could help the families of those arrested in these situations.

Update: Paul Manafort and Rick Gates were ordered to surrender to the Justice Department today.

Estate Planning Can Block a Loved One From Serving as Trustee

Whenever I’m meeting with clients for a planning session, I always ask about when loved ones should receive access to their money. And by “loved ones”, we are typically referring to children.

Most people do not want their children receiving access to an inheritance as soon as they turn 18. They want to make sure their children are financially mature and able to manage the responsibility of their inheritance before they are permitted to manage their trust account.

Related: Why a Revocable Living Trust is a Great Estate Planning Tool

As an alternative, most people will include a provision in their trust agreement that allows their children to become co-trustees with another responsible adult at a certain age, and then take over as sole-trustee several years later.

But what if that young adult reaches the age where they are permitted to take over management of their trust account, but they are the defendant in a lawsuit or have been indicted or have a drug addiction or worse?

In those situations, we typically include what is commonly referred to as a “blocking provisions” which say that the original trustee of the trust can “block” the child from becoming a trustee of the trust or even having access to those funds.

By doing this, we are able to protect those funds from any potential lawsuit, bankruptcy or divorce, or even from being used to pay for a drug habit.

An Irrevocable Trust can Be Used as an Asset Protection Tool

I’m sure the “blocking provisions” sound great to protect your children from themselves someday, but what about you or your spouse?

What if you were a high-level government official who knew that you were under investigation and facing an indictment?

Nobody ever wants to find themselves in that situation, as conviction rates when the government obtains an indictment exceed 90%. But there are some in Washington that are looking at a situation like this right now, and have been for many months.

What could they do to protect their assets, their home, their investments, and their legacy for their children from mounting legal fees and maybe even government forfeiture?

An irrevocable trust is a powerful planning tool in these situations, as the irrevocable nature of the trust can limit the potential reach of creditors (including possibly the government) of the person who created the trust.

When you set up an “irrevocable” trust, you can’t change your mind and retrieve your assets from the trusts sometime later. (Which distinguishes this from a “revocable” trust in which you can terminate the trust whenever you want).

With an irrevocable trust, once you transfer assets into the trust, you no longer have any power to change the terms of the trust or use the trust assets except as outlined in the trust agreement.

The only exception to this would be in the case of fraud – but if you lawfully obtained your assets and placed them into the trust then, generally speaking, your creditors cannot reach those assets so long as you give up complete control over the trust.

You could retain an interest in the trust (typically an income interest) or perhaps the power to change the terms of the trust or the disposition of the trust property. But by doing so, you will allow your creditors to reach the trust assets to the extent of your retained trust interest.

So What are the Folks in Washington Doing Right Now?

Anyone at a high level that was closely tied to the Trump campaign, such as Mike Flynn or Paul Manafort, are probably hoping and praying that their names are not listed in those indictments.

But if they are hopefully, they have already taken the steps to protect what assets they have through proper estate planning.

The post What to Do if a Loved One is Indicted… How Estate Planning Can Help appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

Today is a special day. Today is a day when we remember those who fought for our country but are no longer with us. In this week’s edition of my e-newsletter, I took a minute to reflect on what this day means, and how we should interact with Veterans today. Things we should say and things we shouldn’t. What this day is all about, and what this day is not about.

Here is the newsletter, in its entirety:

It’s hard to believe that another Memorial Day is upon us.

Today is a day to spend with family, cookout, and to remember those veterans who served our country and are no longer with us today. Many people consider today to be the “unofficial” start to summer.

Most people have very fond memories of Memorial Day.

But if you or someone you know served in the military, your view of this day could be completely different.

Memorial Day is a day to remember those who served our country in the military but are no longer with us. And it doesn’t matter whether they died in service or long after they were discharged.

During the day today, if you encounter someone who served in the military, consider the thoughts and emotions that may be going through their heads on this day of remembrance. They very well may have lost friends who served alongside them.

According to Chris Wilson, a Marine Corps Veteran who served in Afghanistan in 2009 and 2011, many Veterans don’t want to be thanked for their service on Memorial Day. Today is not a day to thank Veterans – it’s a day to remember their fallen friends. The phrase “thank you for your service” is said so often that it has almost become meaningless.

So if you come across a Veteran today, remember that today is not about them, but rather the men and woman who fought with them, but either didn’t come home or have passed away since.

Here are some other suggested phrases to use if you meet a Veteran:

“I hope you enjoy your weekend, and I want you to know that I will be remembering what this holiday is all about.”

“Enjoy your day today, I will be thinking about those who are no longer with us.”

“I will be taking a moment this weekend to honor those that served our great nation and are no longer here with us today.”

And if you or someone you know is struggling today, now is a time to seek help. You can call the Veteran’s Crisis Line at 1-800-273-8255 and press 1.

I hope we can all take a moment today to think about the men and woman who have served our country so bravely and are no longer with us.

Enjoy your day, hug a Veteran, and I’ll be back next week…

The post A Day of Remembrance appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

The lawyers handling Aaron Hernandez’s Estate will have plenty of work to do in the coming months, with millions of dollars at stake.

Aaron Hernandez and Grievances with the New England Patriots

The first issue that must be settled are the contractual disputes that remain in play between Aaron Hernandez and the New England Patriots.

There are currently three pending grievances that must be resolved, two from the NFLPA on behalf of Hernandez, and one from the New England Patriots. These cases were put on hold until the criminal matters against Hernandez were resolved.

When Hernandez died, his criminal cases and any pending appeals were effectively concluded. So now those grievances can now move forward.

News reports indicate that these cases will be heard by an arbitrator in a non-public hearing. The outcome of those cases will depend in large part on the language that was contained in Hernandez’s contract, and how that arbitrator may interpret that language.

Wrongful Death Lawsuits against Aaron Hernandez’s Estate

In the event that Hernandez’s estate is able to get some money back from the New England Patriots, it’s possible that cash won’t stay there very long.

That’s because of the wrongful death lawsuits that have been filed against Aaron Hernandez (and now his estate) by the families of Odin Lloyd, Daniel de Abreu, and Safiro Furtado.

All three of these families face a difficult task in recovering against Hernandez’s Estate as a result of a legal doctrine in Massachusetts called abatement ab initio which says that if someone dies before their criminal case is completed, then their conviction is overturned and they are deemed innocent under the law.

Why is this important? Because now Odin Lloyd’s family must reassemble all the evidence presented against Hernandez in his original murder trial and prove that he was responsible for Odin Lloyd’s death. This is a monumental task that will not be easy.

As for the families of Abreu and Furtado, they have an even more difficult task as Hernandez was acquitted for those murders several weeks ago.

Other Legal Issues for Aaron Hernandez’s family

The day after Hernandez died, his brain was sent to be studied for evidence of trauma as a result of Hernandez’s playing days in the NFL.

While there are a number of legal hurdles that must be overcome, Hernandez’s estate could sue the NFL as a result of the brain injuries that Hernandez may have suffered. The NFL reached a class action settlement that provided a $1 billion settlement fund to pay out claims for current and retired players over the next 65 years.

In addition, Hernandez’s estate could also sue the prison system for “negligent supervision” that resulted in his death. If successful on these claims, Hernandez’s heirs – his fiancé and his daughter, would receive funds that would be out of the reach of the creditors of Hernandez’s estate.

What’s Next for the Hernandez Estate?

As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, the lawyers surrounding the Hernandez Estate will have no shortage of work to do over the next several months.

From settling grievances with the NFL to defending wrongful death lawsuits, to bringing legal actions of their own, we will be hearing a lot about Aaron Hernandez in the coming months and years.

The post Legal Issues Surrounding Aaron Hernandez’s Estate appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

“I’m Lucky to Be Alive”

The Officer wrote me a ticket for “improper lane usage”.

Yeah, I guess you could call it that.

During my Senior Year of High School, I must have been 17 or 18 years old, I was visiting my Father who lived in the middle of nowhere in Illinois. My parents were divorced and it was about an 8-hour drive from my Father’s house to my Mom’s house in the Eastern suburbs of Cleveland Ohio.

I don’t remember much about this particular visit to my Father’s, but I will never forget the drive home.

At the time, I had my own car, a 1982 Ford Escort Wagon with woody-wood paneling. Getting this bad boy up to 60 mph was a chore, and at 70 the steering wheel became a vibrating hand massager. I had inherited this vehicle from my Grandmother, who had passed away a couple of years prior.

It was an early spring morning, I don’t remember the exact time, but it was probably just after sunrise. The air was still foggy and the temperature was crisp. I remember being tired, but not unusually so.

The issue on this particular morning was the fog. It wasn’t so foggy that you couldn’t see directly in front of you, rather it was the type that was set out in the distance a bit so that you could continue to drive towards it, but never quite reach it.

Whatever it was, the fog had a calming quality, and it lulled me to sleep.

I nodded my head a few times and reminded myself that I had to stay awake. I probably slapped my face a couple of times as well.

Then it happened.

I drifted to the left, as my body was drifting to sleep, and the car left the highway for just a second.

I was on I-70 eastbound, with nothing but wide open space in front of me.

I was jolted awake and instinctively pulled the car back to the right and onto the highway.

The good news is that there were no cars near me when I pulled back onto the highway. The bad news is that at this point, I lost complete control of the car.

I swerved to the left to avoid going off the right side of the highway.

Looking back on it, I’m not sure that swerving back to the left was a good choice. I guess I was still hopeful that I could have regained control of the vehicle and continued on my merry way.

But when you are driving 70 mph down the interstate and you lose control of your car, instinct takes over and you don’t have time to process the possible implications of your decisions.

So back to the left I went. But I was unable to stay on the highway.

Instead, I veered off the left side of the road and into the grassy median.

There was a cement drainage ditch in the middle of the median that slowed me a bit and cracked the radiator as I approached the oncoming traffic from the westbound lanes…

As I retell this story, which I remember like it was yesterday, I’m still amazed that I didn’t hit another vehicle, a tree, a sign pole, or God-forbid, a semi-truck head on.

Frankly, the fact that I’m sitting here writing this email today is a miracle.

I realize how truly lucky I am to be alive and how fortunate I was that I didn’t kill anyone else.

My car, miraculously, came to a stop on the outer berm of the westbound lanes of the highway.

I walked away from that accident as an 18-year-old who didn’t realize how truly close to death I had come.

Why Do I Tell This Story Now?

Because if you follow the NBA, you know that a young woman, the sister of Celtic’s Star Isaiah Thomas, was in a very similar accident over the weekend. Only her story didn’t have a happy ending.

After drifting off the left side of the highway in Washington State, 22-year-old Chyna Thomas hit a sign pole and was killed in a one-car crash at 5 am on Saturday.

She had apparently fallen asleep at the wheel.

It was a sad and senseless loss of life.

But it illustrates just how fragile our lives are.

One moment we are awake, vibrant, and full of life and unlimited possibilities.

And in a heartbeat, it can all be taken away from us.

Remember What is Important

In my life, I follow a few simple rules.

Before I leave for the office every morning I make sure to hug and kiss all my kids and my Wife. I tell them all how much I love them.

The first thing I do when I get home is to find all my kids (and my Wife) and tell them again how much I love them and ask them about their days.

And before I go to bed, I sneak into each of my children’s rooms to check on them, give them a kiss on the forehead and, you guessed it, tell them how much I love them.

As you leave for work tomorrow, remember to tell your family how much you love them.

Life is precious.

Don’t ever take it for granted.

Until Next Time,
Jim

Want More?

We put out a newsletter every Monday with estate planning tips, strategies, and other useful information to keep you legally on the up and up. And the good news? You can subscribe for free by clicking the link below.

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The post Don’t Ever Take Your Life for Granted appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

So I went ahead and prepared this video outlining the 3 biggest mistakes I see people make:

1. They file too soon
2. They don’t properly serve their spouse
3. They don’t properly preserve claims for spousal support or equitable distribution in their divorce

If you are interested in filing your own divorce, and you live in North Carolina, then you can learn more about all 10 of the mistakes I found by signing up for our new DIY Divorce Course.

Common Divorce Mistakes in North Carolina

Still think you want to handle your own divorce? Follow this link to sign up for our DIY Divorce Course: https://raleigh-divorce-lawyers.com/diy-divorce-course

The post 3 Common Mistakes People Make when Filing their own Divorce appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

Hey Jim,

I just wanted to let you know my current situation so that you can use it as a warning to any of your current or future clients.

I have been house hunting lately and went through the process for qualifying for a loan. I ended up getting turned down because the banks limit the amount of debt to 43% of gross income. It turns out that even though the alimony payment I make to [my ex] is not considered income for tax purposes, the banks consider it as debt. In my case, the alimony comprises about 40% of my gross income which leaves too little room for a mortgage.

I’m bringing this up to you because in retrospect, it would have been better as the paying spouse if I had negotiated to retain the house. Hopefully this information will help you when guiding the decisions of your clients during their separation process.

The main issue brought up here is whether alimony is considered a “debt” in the eyes of the mortgage lender, or whether alimony is a reduction in income.

Alimony as a debt vs. reduction in income

Let’s say the paying spouse, John Doe, makes $120,000 per year, or $10,000 per month. Mr. Doe pays $3,500 per month in alimony, and he is considering purchasing a residence that would require a mortgage payment of $1,200/month. If alimony is considered a debt (and assuming Mr. Doe has approximately $500 in other debt service obligations, such as car payments, loan payments, or credit cards), then Mr. Doe’s total debt service is $3,500 + $500 + $1,200 = $5,200 per month. Accordingly, his back-end debt-to-income ratio would be $5,200/$10,000 = 52%. Depending on the requirements of the lender, this may or may not qualify Mr. Doe for a mortgage.

On the other hand, if the alimony payment is considered a reduction in income, as is the case for certain FHA loans, then Mr. Doe’s income falls to $6,500 per month, and his resulting debt-to-income ratio is now ($500 + $1,200)/$6,500 = 26%, a much more respectable number.

Thinking about buying a house after your divorce?

I recommend that you talk to your divorce lawyer and mortgage broker before you agree to a certain amount of alimony. You want to make sure that you can structure the alimony payment such that you will be able to qualify for the mortgage you need after the divorce is final.

In addition, you may want to consider an FHA loan, which may be more likely to consider alimony as a reduction in income vs. a debt service obligation.

The post Does Alimony hurt your ability to qualify for a mortgage? appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

I hope you enjoy!

Right click here to download the mp3

Introduction to the North Carolina Divorce Podcast

If you aren’t already familiar with me, my name is Jim Hart and I’m the host of the North Carolina Divorce Podcast.  I’m a divorce and family law attorney in Cary, North Carolina.  I originally opened my law practice in 2005 in Orlando, Florida, where my wife and I moved after law school.  In 2009, we moved to North Carolina, where I passed the bar exam and opened my Family Law firm in 2010.

I operate what I would describe a “lifestyle practice”.  That means that I limit the number of clients that I work with and will agree to represent so that we can provide exceptional client service to all our clients.  In addition, I have two young children at home and it is important to me that I am there for them while they are growing up.

Although we do not offer “free consultations”, we do provide lots of free articles and resources via this website and through the North Carolina Divorce Guide that you can sign up for at the end of this post.

Why did I start this Podcast?

This podcast is merely an extension of a core philosophy that I have already embraced – and that is to provide as much free, helpful, valuable information to the citizens of North Carolina as I can.  Most of this information revolves around divorce and family law issues, and this podcast is just another way that I can continue to provide information to the public so that they can make informed decisions about their personal situations.

However, as you listen to this podcast and read through this website, please understand that this podcast is specific to North Carolina law.  If you live in another state or jurisdiction, some of the topics I discuss on this podcast may not be applicable to you and you will need to consult with a lawyer in your respective jurisdiction.

Format of the Podcast

My goal for the podcast is to publish a new episode at least once a week.  Most episodes will be short (i.e. 5-10 minutes), but some may be a little longer, especially if I have a guest interview.  The goal of the podcast is to answer questions about North Carolina divorce and family law issues.

As far as I can tell (and I’ve looked), this is the only podcast of its kind in the state of North Carolina that is current and active. I imagine over time, as podcasting catches on as a more mainstream way for the public to consume information that this will change.

Legal Requirements to obtain an Absolute Divorce in North Carolina

There are a number of different kinds of “divorce” in North Carolina, but the most common form that everyone thinks of when they want to end their marriage is an “Absolute Divorce“.  North Carolina is different that other states in that you can obtain an Absolute Divorce without actually resolving many of the more common issues that people think about when they are going through divorce.  These issues include equitable distribution (or dividing up property), spousal support or alimony, child custody and child support.

In order to obtain an absolute divorce in North Carolina, you must meet two legal requirements:

1. You and your spouse must be separated for at least one year with the intent to end the marriage.
2. Either you or your spouse must have been a resident of North Carolina for at least six months prior to filing for an absolute divorce.

If you meet these two requirements, you may apply for and be granted an absolute divorce.

There are a number of legal consequences to getting a divorce, but as I mentioned on the show, I’m going to reserve a discussion of these consequences for the next episode.

I hope you have enjoyed this inaugural episode of the North Carolina Divorce Podcast.  Thank you for listening!

Please leave a comment below to let me know what you think – is this a format that you find helpful and engaging?

The post NCDP 01 : Introduction to the podcast and legal requirements for divorce in North Carolina appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

I’ve worked with hundreds of individuals who have chosen to get divorced over the years. Contrary to what you might think, the vast majority of these folks are much happier when their case is completed and they are finally divorced than they were before they decided to separate.

Making the choice to separate is extremely difficult. The days and weeks immediately prior to and following the separation are the most difficult period because you are in a state of transition.

However, after a period of time, you become more used to living life as a single person and you start to remember who you were before you got married.

So I separated, now what?

After you separate, you have a great deal of freedom to live life on your terms, without permission or pushback from your spouse. (Obviously, if you have children, their needs will always come first, but that doesn’t mean you won’t have some freedom while the kids are with your spouse).

So as we roll into 2014, here are 5 New Years resolutions that you may want to consider if you are recently separated or divorced. I put together this list with the hope that you will gleam some encouragement from these 5 ideas, and start looking for ways to build yourself back up from your recent separation.

1. Get Involved. Everybody has a passion, a hobby, something they really enjoy doing that is completely theirs. Maybe it is Scuba diving, perhaps hiking, maybe just reading trashy romance novels. Whatever it is, chances are that there are other people out there that enjoy that activity too. Find them and do the activity together. Use a site like meetup.com to find other people who are interested in what you like to do, and do it together.
2. Volunteer. Helping others is a great way that you can get your mind off of the pain and hurt you are experiencing from your separation or divorce. Find a local charity and look for ways to help out.
3. Set a goal for 2014 and work towards it. Always wanted to train or a marathon, but didn’t have time? Now you can. Have some work you wanted to do around the house that you never got around to? Now’s the time. After you separate, you will have a lot of free time to yourself. Find a worthy goal worth working towards and use that time that you would have otherwise spent with your spouse.
4. Take the high road. Be better than your spouse. Both of you will be feeling lots of strong feelings after separating. Refrain from speaking ill of your spouse in either public setting or privately. The two of you have fallen out of love and chosen to separate, your entire office doesn’t need all the details of how awful your spouse was to you. This is especially important if you have kids. Model the behavior that you would want from them in a similar situation.
5. Stay positive. There is nothing to be gained from sulking everyday over your failed marriage. You are not going to win over any new friends that way. Stay positive and upbeat. Understand that this is just a temporary phase of your life, not the end of the world. You will find someone else, and your life will go on. Only you can choose how to live it.

You may notice that I left out some frequently over-used resolutions (i.e. go to the gym, quit smoking, eat better, etc.). These are things that we should all strive for regardless of whether we are going through a divorce and separation or not.

Be very careful if your resolutions include such things as start dating again, or various financial goals. These are things that could have a profound legal impact on your divorce case, so I recommend talking to your lawyer about those goals before you begin implementing them.

The post 5 New Years Resolutions for anyone recently separated or divorced appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

Sounds exhausting, doesn’t it? It is a long and difficult process to be sure. But that doesn’t mean it is too early for you to start thinking about the implications of an end of the year divorce – if and when that is a possibility for you.

I bring this up today because today is the last day of the year, in my county anyway, that you can go to court to have a judge sign your divorce. I’m headed to court this morning and I anticipate a crowded house with everyone trying to get their divorce in by the end of the year.

The question is, why get it finished by the end of the year? Or why not? Here are my thoughts on the issue…

4 issues to think about when deciding whether to finalize your divorce before the end of 2013

1. To start 2014 fresh. When talking to clients that are trying to finish up their divorce in December, this seems to be the biggest reason that people want to get it done now. They just want to start the new year fresh. Perhaps they want to be able to tell people “I got divorced last year” – I’m not really sure. I do know that there is something psychological going on with all of us that makes us want to kick off new habits in a new year, so it would make sense that this is another of them.
2. Tax reasons. Your tax filing status is determined by whether you are married or not at 11:59 p.m. on December 31st. If you have reasons that you want to file a joint tax return in 2013, then perhaps you want to wait until January to finalize your divorce. I do have some clients that are waiting. If you have questions about this, you will need to speak with a tax advisor in your area.
3. Health Insurance. Health insurance is probably one of the biggest reasons that my clients stay married, long after they have been separated for one year. In many cases, my clients (or their spouse) have fantastic health insurance. So long as you are married, you may keep your spouse on your employer sponsored health insurance. However, after the divorce becomes final, the employer is no longer legally allowed to keep the ex-spouse on the employee’s health plan. The ex can, however, remain on the plan for up to 36 months by paying the health insurance premium on their own through COBRA.
4. You haven’t reached a settlement yet. If you are still working with your spouse to reach a resolution of your case, you may want to think twice about finalizing your divorce in North Carolina. Once you finalize your divorce, both you and your spouse lose the right to go to court and have the court decide how to divide up your marital property or who is going to pay alimony. If you are looking to keep your case out of the court system, a sure-fire way to sink that ship is to file for divorce – thus inviting counter-claims from your spouse. In addition, finalizing the divorce before you have settled all the specifics of your financial settlement could deprive you of negotiating options – such as keeping your spouse on your health plan for a couple of months while he/she is looking for new coverage. If you finalize the divorce, this is no longer an option. Also, finalizing the divorce prematurely could lead to emotional outbursts from your spouse if they were not yet ready for the divorce. Their anger and resentment at you for finalizing the divorce could come out in their settlement negotiations.

The post Should you get divorced before the end of 2013? appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

There is a silver lining to divorce

Why do people go through all this stress and conflict and expense? Because they are unhappy in their marriage and they want out. When people come into see me, I ask them how badly they want a divorce on a scale of 1 to 10. People that tell me they are at a 4 or 5 are still, generally speaking, exploring their options. They are unhappy but are looking for ways to fix their marriage. As I discussed previously, staying together with your spouse is the best legal advice I could give you.

On the other hand, people who rate themselves at 8 or above are highly motivated. They want out of the house now, or they want their spouse to leave. The situation at home is highly volatile and stressful – they can’t continue to live in that environment with that person.

Divorce can be an opportunity

As we come to the end of another year, it is time to take stock in our lives and figure out what goals we want to set for the next 12 months. For many people this includes getting a divorce. If you fall into this camp, don’t despair. Divorce is not the end of the world. I was in the wedding of a friend of mine from law school a while back. A couple of years later, he called me up to tell me he was getting a divorce. I’ve since lost touch with this person, but just saw on Facebook that he was getting remarried. My guess is that he is much happier now than he was in his previous marriage.

Divorce can be a time to reinvent yourself. Oftentimes, a married couple morphs into one “person”. You may not be able to do things you want to do, or move to a place you want to move, because of your marriage. After a divorce or separation, you can become a new person and can do whatever you want.

I’m reading a book by Adam Grant right now called “Give and Take“. Although the book is appropriately targeted to people who are looking to get ahead in business, its principles can just as easily be translated to your personal life. Mr. Grant talks about three types of people – givers, takers and matchers.

Givers are people who are looking to help everyone they come into contact with, because they believe that by doing so everyone will benefit, including them. Takers are looking to gain something from everyone they come into contact with, for mostly selfish reasons. Matchers are looking to maintain an even balance between giving and taking.

What Mr. Grant found in writing this book is that givers and takers can both be successful in business. However, the things that takers do to become successful will catch up with them over time and their network will be less likely to help them once they become found out as takers.

If you are going through a divorce or separation, this book could be helpful to you. Try to discover what type of person you are and how this may impact both your personal and business lives. If you are a genuine giver, good for you. Try to reconnect with some of your lost or “dormant” connections. They will be happy to hear from you.

If you are more of a taker or a matcher, see if you can start to adopt the giver mentality. See what types of positive change you can impart into the lives of the people around you. Helping others is one of the best ways that you can not only help your self-esteem, but also make you feel better about (or even take your mind off of) the situation you are in.

Divorce doesn’t last forever

One last thing. Remember that divorce doesn’t last forever. A year or two from now, your divorce will be a distant bad memory. You will start to date again. You will make new friends. There are support groups out there for divorce that can help you get through this dark period.

Stay positive. Keep an upbeat attitude. Life will get better.

If you have been through a divorce or separation and would like to share a positive experience, please comment below. Also, if you live in the Triangle and have a support group to recommend, please post a comment below. Thank you!

The post Divorce can be a time to reinvent yourself appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

• That information is from prior to the date of separation, so it isn’t relevant now
• My husband/wife already has all this information
• We are splitting everything up on our own terms, so this information is not necessary

Many clients, unfortunately, don’t truly appreciate how important full financial disclosure is. If you fail to provide the information that is requested by your spouse’s attorney, or as required by the rules of the court in your jurisdiction, then you are going to end up costing yourself time and money in the long run.

Here are a couple of reasons why this is the case.

First, if your spouse’s attorney has asked you for documents for a certain time period, there is probably a reason why. They may believe, based on information provided from your spouse, that you are hiding or concealing marital funds. If this is the case, then they are not likely to back down from their request until they have dragged you into court and obtained an order compelling you to produce the documents. Alternatively, they will subpoena the records directly from the financial institution and hold it against you that you did not provide them voluntarily.

Second, if you withhold documents from your lawyer, or if your lawyer has to ask you repeatedly for the same documents, then you are going to start to become a nuisance client to your lawyer. Ultimately, this will also cost you time and money because the lawyer will have to continue to review your file to make sure you have provided everything. Divorce lawyers are fairly busy, and we have lots of fires to put out or control on a daily basis from lots of different clients. The last thing I, or any divorce lawyer, wants to do is to keep pestering a client to turn over documents that have been requested repeatedly.

If you are trying to resolve your case out of court, then turning over the documents requested by your lawyer quickly and in the format they are requested is the easiest way to keep your case moving ahead efficiently and keep yourself out of court.

Documents required for full financial disclosure

Generally speaking, here is a list of the documents we will request of our clients:

1. A list of all financial accounts (checking, savings, money market, investment, mutual funds, credit cards, retirement accounts, case value life insurance, etc.) that you have an interest in, the account numbers, the name of the financial institution, and the value as of the date of your separation and the current value.
2. 3-5 years worth of statements (prior to the date of separation) for all of the above referenced accounts.
3. Tax returns (including W-2’s, 1099’s, etc.) for the past 3-5 years.
4. Paystubs or other proof of income for the past 6-12 months.
5. Statements for any secured debts you have an interest in (mortgages, car loans, etc.) for 6 months prior to the date of separation to the present.
6. A list of all real property (i.e. your home, rental property, vacation property, time shares, etc.) that you own or have an interest in, as well as the deed to the properties.
7. Any appraisals or market analysis of real property which you own.
8. Information regarding any business interests that you are involved with. Further disclosures may be required with regards to businesses you own.
9. A list of personal property and effects, the date of acquisition, and who has current possession of the property (including jewelry, tools, artwork, antiques, etc.).
10. Any other documents that are relevant to your financial situation.

In addition, your spouse’s attorney may request documents over and beyond what is in this list. Unless there is a compelling reason to withhold the information requested, I typically recommend that my client’s turn over all requested documents.

The post What does it mean to provide Full Financial Disclosure? appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

Is there an existing child custody order in place?

If there is a child custody order in place currently, than you need to think long and hard about moving prior to seeking a modification of the existing custody order. If you move without modifying the custody order, then you almost certainly would be in violation of that order once you move, and would subject yourself to court imposed sanctions, including contempt, an order to return the child, and possibly paying costs or attorneys fees.

Some states, such as Florida, have a fairly detailed child relocation statute on their books. This statute explains exactly what you need to do from a legal standpoint, if you want to move out-of-state (i.e. relocate).

North Carolina, on the other hand, has no such statute. However, reviewing Florida’s statute can be illustrative in determining what steps you should take before you move. For example, under the Florida statute, you must ask the court’s permission before you relocate. If you relocate without seeking the court’s permission, then you will subject yourself to contempt charges, or you could be compelled to return the child.

Based on the model provided by Florida, and my own experience in the courts of North Carolina, I frequently advise clients to seek a court approved modification before they relocate to another state with the child.

What if there is no child custody order in place?

If there is no child custody order in place, then you run into a bit of a dilemma. Technically speaking, there is no court order in place that would prevent you from leaving North Carolina. However, assuming that you and your family had spent at least the past six months in North Carolina, then North Carolina would be considered the “home state” of your kids for purposes of deciding issues of custody.

What this means is that even if you leave without a court order in place, then your spouse could properly file a court action in North Carolina and request that you bring the children back. In addition, you would be in a similar position as you were if there was a court order – the fact that the children had been living in North Carolina and you moved away with them could be held against you in the custody case.

So even if there is court order in place, my recommendation is still to file a child custody action and request an expedited hearing on the issue of whether you may relocate with the children. Assuming that the facts of your situation supports a move, then you are putting yourself in a better permission by asking the court’s permission to move than by having to seek forgiveness by moving prior to asking permission.

Practical Issues and Concerns

I recognize that the practicalities of your situation may not lend themselves to filing a court action before you move. Perhaps you were kicked out of the house and have nowhere else to go except for your family that lives out-of-state. Perhaps you received a job offer that asks you to relocate within a week or two.

Going to court is scary and expensive. This is one of the many reasons that I am a big advocate of collaborative law or mediation to resolve these issues. However, your spouse may not always be as reasonable as you are when it comes to resolving these conflicts.

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I’ve written about divorce and the holidays before. In that previous post, I provided a list of 5 things that you should be aware of if you are going through a divorce during the holidays, which included:

1. Maintaining a Cool Head.
2. Watching the Alcohol.
3. Enjoying the time you have with family.
4. Biting your tongue.
5. Remembering what is best for the kids.

Today, I’d like to take a little different spin on that. Because of the one-year separation rule, divorce in North Carolina can take an exceptionally long time. So you may be in lots of different places with your case right now. In addition, whether or not you have children will dictate in part how you may handle the upcoming holidays.

5 ways for you to approach this holiday season:

1. If you are recently separated, and have no kids or will be splitting time with the kids, have you considered a vacation? Although most people will be surprised to hear this, I am an introvert, which means that I derive a lot of energy from being alone. Don’t get me wrong, I love my wife and kids, but spending time on my own to think, write, work, read, etc. really gives me refreshment and energy. When I don’t get that, I get grumpy. More often than not, this may coincide with the holidays. If you are like me in this regard, you may want to consider taking a vacation and spending some time on your own to think, get refreshed, and prepare yourself for the New Year.
2. Same situation as above, except that you are an extrovert? Well, maybe you don’t want to spend time alone. Maybe it is important for you to be around your loved ones. This is a good opportunity for you to reconnect with old friends, or just spend some good quality time with your family (parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles, etc.) Chances are, they already know that you are going through a divorce (or they will know soon enough), so spend some time with them and enjoy yourself. It is up to you whether you want to talk about the divorce or not, but I recommend that you try and steer clear of that topic unless you are talking to the closest of friends who already know about the situation.
3. Take some time to reinvent yourself. Get some new clothes or a new haircut. Go back to the gym (if you haven’t been for awhile). Volunteer. Take a class on something you enjoy. Pick up a hobby that you didn’t previously have time for. Whatever your “thing” might be, now you have time to do it.
4. Spend some good, quality time with your kids. Chances are, it has been awhile since your kids were in a house where there wasn’t a lot of yelling and fighting between you and your spouse. This is an opportunity to spend time with them in a stress-free house. Plan some fun activities with them. Bake some cookies, go to some type of event, or maybe just take a hike in the woods. The activity you choose will depend on the ages of your children and how many you have, of course, so tailor some activities to things that they will enjoy.
5. If you haven’t separated yet, or separation is imminent, but you and your spouse have decided to stick it out through the holidays, then go back to the list I provided above. Keep the alcohol to a minimum, and remember that protecting the kids is the most important thing you can do. Keep a smile on your face and get through this with as little fighting as possible.

However you decide to spend this holiday season, remember a couple of things. Stay positive – you will get through this. And keep looking forward. Don’t dwell on the past, instead think about your future. In a couple of years, this will all be a distant memory.

Have some good ideas about things you did during the holiday season to keep your mind off your divorce? Please feel free to share them below.

The post It’s that time of year again… Divorce and the Holidays appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

I wish you and your family a wonderful holiday.

The post Be Thankful for Today – You Only Get it Once appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

The answer to those questions is difficult and one that you will need to talk to your lawyer about, but here are some things you need to think about on your own as well.

Recognize that you have choices in your divorce

Just because you have a divorce lawyer doesn’t mean that you get to shirk all responsibility for your case. Your lawyer is going to need information and there is only (mostly) one person who can get that info to him or her – you. One of the biggest things I do as a lawyer is assimilate information so that I can help my client’s decide what an appropriate next step would be.

• Should they move out of the house or stay and try to get their spouse out?
• Should we file a lawsuit or keep negotiating?
• Is collaborative divorce an option?
• Should we push for a hearing or settle the case?

The answers to these questions are never easy. Whenever I am helping a client decide whether they should got to court or not, here are some of the considerations I will think about:

• What are my client’s expectations about going to court and what the judge can and can’t do? Are these expectations realistic?
• What are the costs (i.e. legal fees) of going to court, and do these costs outweigh the potential benefit of doing so?
• What is the best and worst day in court for my client?
• Can my client handle testifying in open court – and even if they could handle it, should they testify?
• Do we have all the information we need to present a solid case?
• Do we have enough time scheduled with this judge to present all the evidence that we need to get a fair hearing?
• Is it possible that my client would be ordered to pay (or would receive) attorneys fees to or from their spouse?

Should you go to court?  You need to take a long, hard look at the cost involved

In looking through this list, the most important consideration is the cost of going to court. Cost can mean different things to different people. For some, cost is associated with a dollar amount, for others it is an emotional toll. Some clients may be able to handle the financial cost of going to court, but their nerves would crumble under the stress of testifying.

These costs must be carefully weighed against the potential benefits of going to court. This is where you really need to work with your attorney to determine what a realistic outcome is from going to court. What does your divorce lawyer think the judge is going to do? Is your client likable or a lying dirtbag? Are the facts of the situation in your favor?

Judges are human, and they will make decisions based on the law. But here’s the thing about the “law” – judges have broad discretion to make the rulings that they do, especially in family court. If a judge likes a certain client and doesn’t like the other one, you can bet that their decision will reflect that.

So how to decide when to settle?

Only you, the client, can make this decision. It is not always easy, and you won’t always be happy with the result. In fact, I pretty much guarantee that if you reach a good settlement, you are going to give up a bit more than you wanted to. That’s the nature of a good settlement – both parties give up more than they wanted to so that they can reach a resolution that they can live with.

I tell my clients to look ahead 5 years from now. Your divorce will be final. You’ll have moved on with your life. Will you still be able to live with today’s settlement or not? This is a difficult exercise, but it really helps put the terms of your proposed agreement in perspective.

Nobody said that divorce was easy. It’s hard. You have lots of choices along the way. There are many places where you will have an opportunity to settle your case, and you need to look long and hard at those options. I wish you luck as you make those decisions.

The post Should you go to court? How do you decide? appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

In North Carolina, there are four basic types of fees that a lawyer can charge.  They are: flat fees, trust advances, retainers, and contingency fees.  Divorce lawyers in North Carolina rarely charge contingency fees, so I’m going to focus the rest of this article on the other three types of fees.  I’ve written about these fees previously on my website.

Types of Legal Fees charged by North Carolina Divorce Lawyers

1. Trust Advances (hourly fees).  Although there is a growing trend to move away from hourly billing in the legal industry, this still remains the most common fee arrangement for most lawyers. This is also typically referred to as a “trust deposit”, because that is what it is.  The fee that is earmarked for future services and is placed in the trust account when the client hires their lawyer. As the lawyer begins to work on your file, they will keep track of their time and send out periodic invoices to the client for services rendered.  As these fees are earned, the lawyer is obligated by ethical rules to transfer the funds from their trust account to their operating account.
2. Retainers.  This is a fee that is paid to reserve the services of your attorney. By accepting a retainer, the attorney will forego opportunity to represent your spouse or, if they are extremely busy, other prospective clients.  Clients will sometimes put a lawyer or firm on “retainer” even when there is no legal work yet to be performed.  This gives the client peace of mind that they know that they are a client of that firm or lawyer when the time comes that they will need legal help. The retainer is earned immediately and placed in the operating account of the firm.
3. Flat Fees.  A flat fee is a set price for specific legal services. You may frequently see a firm charge a flat fee for items such as obtaining an absolute divorce, preparing an uncontested separation agreement, or drafting a QDRO.  Unlike the trust deposit, a flat fee is a set or fixed amount that is agreed to in advance of the representation. The lawyer will treat this fee as earned immediately and deposit this fee their firm’s operating account. The flat fee provides both benefit and risk. The attorney obtains the benefit of treating the money earned immediately, but runs the risk that a given case may become more complicated and involve more time than originally anticipated.  The client has the benefit of knowing, in advance, how much their case is going to cost.  However, in exchange for the risk that the lawyer takes that the case may become more complicated and involve more time than anticipated, the flat fee for litigation cases may be much higher than if the client had just paid the lawyer for their time.

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1. Being Late. Being on time just seems like a no-brainer to us lawyers (most of us anyway), but so many clients just don’t understand the importance of being in the courtroom, ready to proceed, when the judge takes the bench. If you are even a few minutes late, it could mean the difference between being heard first or having to wait around until the end of the day to have your issue heard. It could also mean the difference between having your case heard or having it be dismissed entirely (this happened to a case I was defending last week, the Plaintiff showed up as we were walking out of the courtroom with our dismissal in hand!) So please, even if you have to get up at some un-Godly hour to make sure you don’t hit traffic, don’t be late. And it somewhat goes without saying, but make sure you know where the courthouse and courtroom is!
2. Dressing Inappropriately. This is another one of those “duh” mistakes, but again is often overlooked. If you are a guy, you don’t need a suit, but slacks and a tie would be appropriate. If you are a girl, dressy casual is ok. Back in my public defender days, I represented an individual charged with criminal battery (i.e. he punched someone). He showed up in court wearing an Everlast (the company that sells boxing apparel and products) t-shirt. Even the judge asked the defendant if he thought that was an appropriate shirt to wear when he was being charged with hitting someone!
3. Not meeting with your lawyer ahead of time. My office typically tries to set up a meeting with our clients for a day or two before the hearing. Most client’s comply, even if it means taking some time off of work. Some don’t. This is a huge mistake. By meeting with your lawyer ahead of time, you can go through your testimony and let the lawyer decide what is important and what does not need to be asked. In addition, the lawyer can talk you through any potential problems areas that you may need to “explain” to the judge to lessen their impact. So when your lawyer calls you up and asks to you come in before the hearing – do it.
4. Waiting too long to get disclosures to your lawyer. In almost all family law cases, initial disclosures are required. These are the financial documents that your lawyer needs to prove your case to the court. If you wait until the day or even week before the case is scheduled to go to court to send these to your lawyer, it is too late. Your lawyer is now going to be spending all their time going through your finances to prepare for the hearing instead of analyzing them to find ways to help you in court. There is a reason we ask for these multiple times after you hire us. Get these documents to us early and update us regularly.
5. Not being proactive with your lawyer. There is a saying, “the squeaky wheel gets the grease.” The same is true of family law cases. If you are proactive with your lawyer, your case is going to get more attention. If you don’t take an active role in your case, then your case is going to get less attention. Just because you hire a lawyer, does not mean that you can go about your days, and just forget about the fact that you are getting a divorce. You must stay actively involved in the case. If the lawyer asks you for information, it is imperative that you get it to them right away. When we ask you for a financial affidavit, you need to work on it, and if you don’t understand something, call your lawyer for help. That is what we are here for. We can’t represent you in a vacuum with no information. If that is what you wanted, then you could have saved your money and represented yourself.

So that’s it, the 5 biggest mistakes that people make when going to family court. Just to recap, here is what you can do to avoid them: show up to court on-time, and dressed appropriately. Get your initial financial disclosures to your lawyer early in your case and make sure to schedule a meeting with your lawyer for a day or two prior to the scheduled hearing. Finally, be proactive in the management of your case.

Following this advice doesn’t guarantee that a court will rule in your favor, but it greatly increases your chances for success in the event you end up in family court.

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One of the biggest problems I have in my practice is chasing after clients that haven’t submitted all of their initial disclosures. It will delay your case. It will hurt settlement negotiations (or halt them altogether) and it will put your lawyer at a distinct disadvantage if there is a hearing coming up.

I tell people which disclosures they need to provide when they first come in to see me, I tell them with the handouts I give them early on in the case, I email them (several times) a list of the documents we need, and I’m about to tell you again. There really is no excuse to not getting this done. Here again is a list of some of the important documents that your divorce lawyer (in North Carolina – other states may have other requirements) will need:

• A completed financial affidavit (if you or your spouse is requesting spousal or child support);
• Paystubs for the past 3 months (minimum);
• Six months (minimum) of bank statements for EVERY bank account you have your name on;
• Six months (minimum) of credit card statements for EVERY credit card you have your name on;
• 2-3 years of tax returns;
• Current retirement statements for every retirement account statement you have an interest in; and,
• Six months (minimum) of investment, stock, mutual fund, etc. statements for EVERY investment account that you have your name on.

This is just the minimum amount of information we need. Preferably, you will submit much more.

When we ask for statements, we mean statements. A statement is NOT a: Screenshot, list of transactions downloaded into a word processor, or one page of a ten page statement. Preferably, you will submit a hard copy or PDF of the entire statement. For most banks, you can go online and download copies of historic statements for the past one year at least. I recommend you do that and submit all the statements you can access.

Trust me on this, doing this early, and updating your attorney with new information every month or two will save you a bundle on your legal fees, and will also lead to a better resolution for your divorce case.

The post A Great Way to Save Money on your Legal Bill and keep your Divorce Lawyer happy appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

Hourly billing for divorce matters

Hourly billing is where a client pays what is typically referred to as a “trust deposit” or an “advance fee” that is then deposited to the lawyer’s trust account (aka IOLTA account in North Carolina). The lawyer bills an hourly rate (somewhere between $175 to $350+ per hour) and submits an invoice to the client periodically. (We send out invoices electronically, once per month). The client can either pay the invoice or, if they don’t, the law firm will deduct the fees owed from the amount being held in trust for that client.

Pros

• The client only pays for the work that is done on the file.
• If a certain case has a lot of uncertainty to it, the law firm does not have to worry about under or overestimating its fees because they are billing hourly for the actual time spent on the matter.

Cons

• The client doesn’t know what the overall fee will be when they hire the firm.
• It costs the firm a lot of administrative time to make sure all the time on a case is captured, and billed to the client.
• The firm must manage a trust account to keep it reconciled and conforming to bar rules.
• Preparing the bills themselves takes a lot of administrative time.
• The law firm’s incentive is to bill as much time to a file as it can, so that it can make the most amount of money per matter.
• The client has a disincentive to contact the firm when there is a problem, or else they will get billed for that time.

Flat fees for a divorce law firm

Flat fees are fees that a client pays up front to a law firm to handle a certain amount of legal work on their behalf. If the matter requires additional work beyond the scope of the first fee, then the client is asked to pay an additional fee.

Pros

• The client will know, up front, exactly what their legal fee will be for the law firm to see their case through to trial.
• The law firm collects the entire fee up front and does not have to place any of the funds into it’s trust account.
• The law firm is incentivized to handle the matter quickly and efficiently, closing the file out as quickly as possible.
• The interests of the client and the lawyer are aligned.
• The client does not pay extra for phone calls, emails, or meetings.
• There are no administrative costs related to tracking time or billing the client on a monthly basis. (Although I will frequently track my time anyway just so I know how much time I am spending on a given case).

Cons

• Because of the inherent uncertainty and risk that the law firm takes when charging a flat fee, they tend to be higher than if the law firm merely collected a trust advance. (i.e., if a law firm may collect a $5,000 trust advance on a certain matter, that same matter may require a $7,500 flat fee).
• Other law firms could, theoretically, use the knowledge that you charge flat fees against your clients when negotiating a resolution to a case.

So what type of fees are charged at The Hart Law Firm?

I said previously that took a “hybrid” approach to legal fees. Many of our clients pay on an hourly basis, and I would say that hourly billing is typically the default for most divorce law firms in North Carolina. Certain clients, however, are just a better fit for flat fees. These clients usually have a budget for their legal fees that they don’t want to exceed. As a result, they like the certainly that comes with a flat fee.

On the other hand, many other clients prefer exchanging time for money. It is what they are used to and the idea of paying a $7,500 fee for something that may only take the law firm a couple of hours to complete is abhorrent to them. I get that. So here is the approach we have taken:

1. We have adopted a minimum fee for most contested cases. This is a hybrid between flat fees and hourly fees. We charge a minimum amount on each contested case, and bill against that fee. Once the fee is exceeded, we will either negotiate a new fee with the client, or continue on an hourly basis if there is a very little amount of work left to do. However, if we finish the case before the fee is reached, our firm earns the entire fee. A minimum fee gives our firm an incentive to get the case done quickly, which aligns with your interests. And because we are protected on the upside, we can charge less for these fees than if we were billing on a flat fee basis.
2. Certain matters, such as absolute divorces (where the divorce is the ONLY issue), uncontested separation agreements, qualified domestic relations orders, and other simple matters will be charged on a flat fee basis. In addition, we charge a flat fee of $250 for the first hour of each divorce assessment, or $350 if we go longer than an hour. (most assessments last between 60-90 minutes).

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Clients hire me all the time that have a considerable amount of value in their marital estate (i.e. more than $500,000), but for whatever reason, their spouse is reluctant to get a lawyer. I will send my initial letter of representation to the other spouse and let them know that I represent their husband/wife, and ask them to voluntarily exchange financial documents. Then I get a response back that outlines a proposal for settlement that is completely unrealistic, or we just get no response at all.

Why is a pro se spouse so bad?

A pro se spouse (pro se is the Latin term meaning “for oneself” or “on one’s own behalf” and is used to refer to people who choose not to get a lawyer) will start emailing and calling my office to make demands about documents they need or what they want me to add to the settlement documents. My personal favorite is when they call demanding that I send them documentation that I have either already sent them or that they need me to draft for some reason or another. I then need to politely explain to them that I am not their lawyer (I usually need to tell them this more than once).

Unrepresented spouse’s can be a problem for your case in several respects. First, they will cause unnecessary time delays and expense to your case. Because they don’t understand the legal process or the rules of civil procedure, they will make improper requests and demands of both you and your lawyer – which cost lots of time and money to respond to. Second, they will delay resolution because they don’t fully understand the legal implications of the settlement agreement. Rather than just hire a lawyer to explain it to them, they will sit on the agreement and do nothing.

On the other hand, a bad lawyer can be just as bad, if not worse to deal with – because a bad or inexperienced lawyer will do the same kinds of things (delay, cause unnecessary expense, file frivolous and unnecessary motions, etc.), but they do so all while telling your spouse that these things are necessary to protect their legal interests. Hard to say no to that, isn’t it?

So what is the best option? Neither you nor I (i.e. your lawyer) can force your spouse to do anything. If they want to go it alone, that is their legal right. If they want to hire a bad lawyer, that is their right also. But I can give you a list of attorneys that I know will be helpful to moving the case along quickly and efficiently, without causing unnecessary expense or delay to you or your spouse. You can give this list to your spouse and hope that they hire one of them.

The post How to deal with your pro se spouse who WON’T hire a divorce lawyer appeared first on Raleigh-Divorce-Lawyers.com.

The best legal advice I can give you if you are thinking about a divorce is this – don’t get divorced.  Not yet anyway.  Take some time to think this over and decide what, if anything, can be done to save your marriage.  Divorce is messy, expensive and stressful.  If you can avoid it, I recommend that you do.

This probably sounds crazy coming from a divorce lawyer.  It probably is.

Here is a list of things that you can do to try to work on your marriage:

• Attempt marriage counseling;
• Look into “imago” therapy;
• Talk to your spouse about your concerns;
• Plan a date night;
• Go to your own therapist and ask him or her for some tools you can use to work on the marriage;
• Get out an old photo album from when you were first married – go through it with your spouse.

It’s very possible that none of these things will work in your situation.  That’s ok.  Your marriage might be beyond saving.  But you can at least try.

And if attempting to save your marriage doesn’t work?  I’ll be here waiting.

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