haveababyforyou

Conspiracy journal

noreply@blogger.com (P Wolf) — Sun, 06 Jul 2014 01:53:00 +0000

The oxygen/nitrogen ratio in the air seems high to me. My mass spectrometer is missing so, I am relying on my sense of taste to make these measurements. I'm dizzy more often lately- unrelated.

Man, This Blog Was Cool.

noreply@blogger.com (P Wolf) — Sun, 29 May 2011 06:34:00 +0000

Facts:

The Wire.

Spooky Ghost stories

Live Blogs of whacky activities.

Those sexy drawings i did.

Friendship

Interns.

Community ( not that show that didnt exist back then, LOL)

Future.

Alkaline

Oil reserves.

thats all.

FUCK THIS BLOG HAS GOTTEN BORING

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 03:55:00 +0000

This is where d'eels go

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 04:52:00 +0000

Continuing on with our current aqua-sports theme...

... this is one piece of knowledge I won't be forgetting any time soon.

Heart of Lightness, A Journey up the Taylor. Part 1.

noreply@blogger.com (P Wolf) — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 10:08:00 +0000

“How could drops of water know themselves to be a river? Yet the river flows on"

Some Guy

Part 1. The Big Tree.

The boats engine exploded awake. The power of 4 horses churned the green water into a boiling fury of weed and probably chopped up trout. Captain O'hagan looked down at the forces he had unleashed, and smiled bitterly.

"First Mate Wolf! Bring the anchors up, and set a course for that big tree!" The Captain yelled, his booming voice echoing down the river, frightening trout.

"Why cappy? what's so special about the tree?" the ships exotic dancer, Roparty, asked sexily.

"What's so special? I'll tell you what's special, you old salty sea cucumber! I intend to climb that tree"

A fearful quiet descended over the Riverking. This command, coupled with the captains earlier purchase of a $27 dozen confirmed what we had all long suspected. He had gone mad. Drunk off the awesome power at his command, he was putting the dryness of all our clothes at risk...

Note: legal concerns prevent me from publishing the photographs I promised. I do however own the rights to a graphic novel of the days events.

Boating Fucking RULES. A Pre-Post.

noreply@blogger.com (P Wolf) — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 11:52:00 +0000

Hi community. This is just a quick 'heads up' to let you know that me,Roparty, and several other HAB4U contemporaries had THE TIME OF OUR LIVES boating down b-towns lovely Taylor river. It was nothing like the picture, in fact it was so soothing that it seems like a sleepy dream. But we have pictures to prove that it wasn't.

Hold on to your boating hats...

Pissing in the street

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 30 May 2009 11:48:00 +0000

So the recession has obviously hit this blog.... hard... fucking hard. We need more posts people... so I'm not going to apologise for the lateness of this foreign correspondence. Anyways, turns out the Dutch just piss all over the place... in the street... in front of everyone. There are no doors on that baby.

What is Happening

noreply@blogger.com (Admin) — Mon, 25 May 2009 00:38:00 +0000

Our inboxes groan with anonymous swears and spittle-smeared demands for sexy new posts. But the posts can not come. Until our glorious rebirth.

Luckily everything we've ever wanted to say is here .

And so: carry on for now. A community rich, whole and undivided; blank contentless screenburn a broken plate at some Mediterranean wedding. Everyone is a little sunburned and thirsty. No, you can not take a plate outside.

Goodbye for now.

HAB4U Meet-Along: What Happened

noreply@blogger.com (Admin) — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 03:37:00 +0000

What happened? At the developers' conference? The usual:

1. Pleasantries.

2. Discussion of things about blogs.

3. Decide Roparty will do it, because code is hard.

4. Record conference theme song.

5. Watch kids dancing.

Na but seriously, this blog is pretty much on hold until we emerge, butterfly like, from the sweaty crumb-filled sleeping-bag of development. The sleeping bag is the cocoon. We'll keep you all posted.

Update:

Here's our conference theme-scape:

Now playing: HAB4U

Hab4U DevCamp Meet-Along 2009

noreply@blogger.com (Admin) — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 07:39:00 +0000

It's happening. Probably this Sunday. Anyone interested should drop a line. For those too fucking lazy to skype in there will naturally be a comprehensive live-blog of the outcome. What might that outcome look like? A new site-design work-flow code super-roadway.

If you're an advertiser, then you should pull your kids out of their dubious private school and sell them to the mongrel mob. Because our CPMs will bankrupt you. If you're an investor, then you just tripled your carbon footprint, increased your height slightly, and gave your family a decent reason to mask their contempt for you. This is your time. But you'll probably fuck it up. See you there.

Exotic Seat Watch.

noreply@blogger.com (P Wolf) — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 08:18:00 +0000

I just had to show someone.

On the Advance of Burger Delivery Systems

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 11:26:00 +0000

In Amsterdam your burgers are no longer administered by minimum-wage earning, teenage puss bags - they have rightfully been transferred to the domain of the machines. These tasty little fuckers will set you back about E2.20 for the deluxe edition and are never older than 15 minutes which is surprisingly good value. Available options are the usual (chicken, beef and I think fish although I didn't try it), extras are lettuce, onions and some kind of mayo-tomato hybrid sauce, all served on a fresh sesame seed bun.

For your average tourist (stoned, whore-mongering European) dealing with a vending machine is a lot less complicated than conversing with the Dutch, which is why these fast food arrays get 4/5 bones for taste, value and convenience.

UPDATE: Turns out this is how your great-grandfather got his munch on when he was out whoring in European cities: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Automat

It would seem that we are in the twilight of the Automat era.

Foreign correspondence, you cunts

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 09:41:00 +0000

Apparently Dutch tolerance doesn't extend to the handicapped.

Foreign Correspondence: Eating in Spain

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 19:12:00 +0000

The Spainiards raise their collective middle finger to vegetarian health geeks everywhere and pack their markets chock to the rim with meat and spicey sausage, eat platters of greasy seafood with beer and cigars for breakfast, and take their pizza in a cone (which is nowhere as good as it looks).

Also Gaudi is overrated. From the outside the Sagrada Família looks like God squatted down and pinched off four nutty ones. The inside makes you want to grab a railgun, hide in the rafters and start bagging Eurotrash.

The Future Will Be This Place Being An Irresistible Web-Place

noreply@blogger.com (Admin) — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 09:22:00 +0000

Blogvigoration? How about we just out-blog the whole concept of the internet? What we're going to do is that one. The futuristic game changing one.

So fuck the things you believe in and care about right now. They will not sustain you.

In other words HAB4U is going into some sort of futuristic development zone from which it will someday emerge with some of the following things: not being google-powered... and having USER-GENERATED SOCIAL NETWORKZ E L E M E N T S and so much javascript and PHP, which I wont be writing, that you will see things working before they are even clicked.

Clickthrough. Clickjacking. Clicksnapback. Remember how facebook changed and everyone cried their stupid squinty eyes out, as if a slight site redesign is the worst thing a soulless corporation with all your personal photos and shit can do to you? I don't. But this will be like that.

PS: Can someone give our banner an "alpha" or "beta" or whichever one it is when it's not done yet?

Blog-vigoration

noreply@blogger.com (P Wolf) — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 10:43:00 +0000

Speaking of crazy Google searches, I was also pondering ways to re-invigorate this C.Y.P.S case of a blog.

Prizes? More internships? Sexy, sexy drawings of men? Somehow making blogs not shit?

No you idiot, I just searched "blogvigoration" and trusted the Internet would steer me right.

It lead me to a wordless post from another blog. Simply, this confrontational black man.

I don't know what to make of this. What does it mean. Please give me clearer signs Internet Jesus.

search engine optimisation

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 22:38:00 +0000

In the world of web develpment there is a large importance on getting your website at the top of a google search entry. This is called Search engine optimization (SEO).

For us, being an important underheard voice in the NZ blogosphere (or even the world blogosphere), SEO is a critical tool to get our blog out to the masses. Searching for a term like "blogs in nz" yields no results for HAB4U (at least not in the first 10 pages). So there is something that needs to be worked on. BUT, if you search for the term "cure for dick cheese" we get not only on the first page, but we get the top result. How's that for SEO bitches?

UPDATE: its only when you wrap it in quotation marks, but it was a nice thought.

UPDATE 2: inb4 “why you searching for that?” – i was looking at the analytics for our site and that’s how someone found our site

Peering Up From Behind Edge Of Things is New Type of Recession

noreply@blogger.com (scaredofbabies) — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 00:06:00 +0000

Liveblogging Watching W.

noreply@blogger.com (scaredofbabies) — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 09:52:00 +0000

It's been a long time since a good old fashioned HAB4U LIVEBLOGGING. So here goes:

No smokes, no sheets. The thick humidity of fail beaded upon my evening. My only solace: A torrented copy of an Oliver Stone biopic, which no one seemed to rate too highly, but which is finally about someone I can remember.

10:59: Fuck this thing is two and some more hours long.

11:02: I bet the baseball field thing is a METAPHOR. Also there's no fucking way that's how Frum busted out 'axis of evil'. That's the last time I'll make a real point.

11:08: I bet the homoerotic hazing scene is meant to bookend with the muslimerotic torturing in the WARS. Or maybe it's just about Yale people being losers. He just said he DOESN'T WANT TO DO POLITICS. BUT HE DOES IN THE END!

11:17: They're country western dancing on a bar Coyote Ugly styles. Oliver Stone is a hell of a director.

11:24: Hazing-torture link completed. Cheney-Bush relationship a hilarious caricature. Also Powell sounds fresh, like someone doing a bad old-black-guy impression of some sort. This whole thing is weak as fuck.

11:37: Romance. Laura is a filthy filthy slut. She takes her top off at 48:20. Then Bush becomes religious because he looks at some trees and sunshine. Oh. Actually he's having a heart attack? No it's god. And his new religious friend is like A NEW DAD.

11:58: Is that weird grasshopper person meant to be my buddy Rove? Yeah I guess he kind of looks like a weird grasshopper actually. The Willie Horton thing. Wow. This is just a series of references to shit.

12:22: Actually him running for Texas is pretty sweet. There's even a "learning how to talk to the press from Rove, under a tree" montage... like in Rocky. Oh. That bit is over instantly.

They should have called this movie Things Things Things that Happened But Not Like That Obviously, Because Nothing Has EVER Happened Like That.

Liveblog over. It gets 3/5 bones for trying. But not very hard.

Video Video Video: Not here but Somewhere Else

noreply@blogger.com (scaredofbabies) — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 04:57:00 +0000

This place has thousands of these. Channel conflict. Market-send-awayness. Why would you ever come back? Bye.

Records Cost $$$

noreply@blogger.com (scaredofbabies) — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 04:11:00 +0000

Not the shitty ones that people buy and listen to because it is hip to have your music cost a fortune, weigh a ton, and require constant fiddling every twenty minutes. The ones where people carry forks across tightrope wires and bats go into space and woman have quantuplits. I mean Guinness World Records. They cost $$$money$$$. BIG money.

So it wont be happening. Blame the Irish.

Bongo Bog,Forgotten Dog and Shooting at a log. HAB4U hits the Beach.

noreply@blogger.com (P Wolf) — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 07:17:00 +0000

I don't know how many of you readers are aware, but we are in the midst of a MASSIVE exodus. Literally tens of people have been trading in the mad, p-fuelled, piss smelling, student demonstrating, up all night staying, world of Wellington for the laid backed, grape raped landscape of the B.

And what better way to welcome these world wary souls than by taking one of them to the beach, in a phat bongo van with a deadly sniper rifle and an endless supply of sizzlers (double cheeze) .

Unfortunately, the old digi cam got left at home, soooo the only souvenirs of this mad cap day, a day that involved getting stuck in sand for hours and forgetting to give the dog a ride back into town, are these awesome photos of a stone that has the letter P on it, and what looks like teeth marks.

Don't you wish you lived in Benheim and got up to the crazy shit we do?

Like Most Songs, Song Sounds Like Other Songs

noreply@blogger.com (scaredofbabies) — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 04:15:00 +0000

In much the same way that Pwolf sees ghosts in trees, I'm afflicted with this thing where I hear other shitty pop-rock songs inside of newer shitty pop-rock songs. This one's pretty tenuous I suppose, but it does give weight to my theory that all songs are shit.

First listen to this shitty offspring song that I heard on the radio yesterday. Note it's suckiness. Now compare... say... 0:27 of it to... say.... 3:06 of this Muse track:

That's pretty fucking similar. Let the Muse thing run a bit. If you can't see what I mean then you are stupid. Now this next one is a bit more tenuous. But still, it is a thing that reminds me a lot of another thing. Take 1:06 of the Fall Out Boy song and compare the the drop in the Offspring track (0:41). I'm 90% sure that, while not exactly the same, it is copied in spirit.

Who cares? No one. But come on... the Offspring used to be kind of good. Now they're cribbing changes from emo kids and British overachievers who know secrets about Jewz.

Sorry DoleBots, John Key is Your New Internet Dalai Lama For a While

noreply@blogger.com (scaredofbabies) — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 18:40:00 +0000

That 92a thing is dead, because someone told this guy that people hate it. Maybe ***YOU*** told him that? by blacking out your cat's twitter? If so you must be pretty happy right now. By the looks of it this had more to do with pressure from ISPs who - amazingly - don't want to be legally obliged to force their best customers not to give them money anymore.

So coming soon: probably another IP law that will suck really bad. But it maybe wont be as bad as that last one. Although fuck. It could be the same damn thing but with a "more independent adjudicator" overseeing everything. My money is on a law about how John Key owns your genetic code, and how he wants the tar.gz of it sent to his inbox within a week of conception, unless you're not white, in which case he can take it or leave it really.

Also: Who the fuck authorised that photo? Did the guy with the smarmy Tory stencil-set stay home that day with the hangover? Fuck. What a man.

Myth Busting with Evan

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 04:32:00 +0000

Ever thought there was more to life than natural selection? Ever wondered if you might of been made by a giant guy with a beard who doesn’t like jews?

Thanks to ‘Ape Jaw Evan’, our friend at biblelife.org you can find out the truth about evolution. He also dispells other myths including alien life. Following are some really good points he makes:

If natural selection were true, Eskimos would have fur to keep warm, but they don't. They are just as hairless as everyone else. If natural selection were true, humans in the tropics would have silver, reflective skin to help them keep cool, but they don't.

Life did not start with a bolt of lightning striking a pond of water as claimed by evolutionists. That is pure childish fantasy. Evolution is simply a myth.

Evolution is a Religion - the Worship of a Make Believe Time-god.